JulieK
Unintentionally funny
- Location
- Israel
They = Japanese? I don't think there are written records from that period.
Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
-
- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard
They = Japanese? I don't think there are written records from that period.
If we could in fact build our own without significant problems why did we originally have to buy one? This is a feudal society in which we are playing as the highest strata, with all of its corresponding social mores, restrictions, and unspoken codes. As much as cheating because ninja is a thing, it's abundantly clear that cheating because ninja is NOT a get out of jail free card for social norms. And gaming social norms is a very different game from gaming numbers.
I wonder what we can poke down there
We should consider any and all available options including unconventional ideas because instead of being Marked for Death, we're being Marked for Debt.
A bankrupt clan is probably worse than a clan that doesn't live in a fancy clan compound all things considered.
- Location
- Italy
Understandable, then i will give my input on the current plan.
We could also ask Naruto.
He is a Ninja with a clan(Uzumaki), that lived in Konoha for his whole life and can be in multiple places at the same time.
In fact, i propose this as the first choice, as whoever he'll choice will probably be trustworthy.
Uhm, maybe we should explain to Keiko the subtle but important fact that real family cannot stop being family aside from really extreme situation(Itachi-Level situations).
I mean not "Reaffirm you're still family because there was the possibility of being kicked out of the family" but "Because you're family, you cannot be kicked out of the family, unless you pull an Uchiha massacre on us"
Because it seems to me Keiko always has this underling tension of "i'm going to be abandoned/I'm going to be kicked out of the family because i'm useless".
It could be educational to explain that a sensible family just doesn't work like that.
EDIT: Of course there is the problem that Keiko should talk with ALL the family, not only us, if we want to solve this completely.
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Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
I'm super aware that keeping this mortgage in the long term is an extremely irrational decision. We simply don't get any value from spending this amount of money every month. Maybe if it turns out that we'll be all settled up in like 3-4 months or something that soon then keeping it is fine. If we are in for another 10-20 years of this then hell fucking no is that a good idea.
We do not need it. We don't even really want it.
If we're in for the long haul and these expenses won't go away for 10-20 years:
We surely cannot use anymore than a thousandth of the actual space on this estate. We maybe, when hosting a big party, use something in the rough ballpark of 10% of the house's interior. Despite sinking an absolute fuckton of money into rennovations, every other room has a "Flesh Recombination Chamber: Do Not Open." sign on it. There are things in the basement (and the cellar, and the subbasement and the third subbasement etc. etc.) that make weird noises and eat each other at night.
We won't need any of this in the medium term. We absolutely don't need it in the short term. Perhaps when Hazou's grandkids are getting married we will need a house this big. Forget the three dozen Uchiha, we surely have enough space to field ten times that many if our land costs this much.
What I am proposing we do:
Stick with it for the next month or two, purely so that we do not make any decisions that signal "CLAN GOUKETSU IS GOING BANKRUPT" right before the Hokage vote. Blah blah social status games.
Get out of this arrangement by whatever means necessary:
- Declare bankruptcy for Clan Gouketsu and dissolve it. Have Naruto adopt us all under the Uzumaki name. Go live there.
- The name is not important.
- "Due to the clause we insisted upon in the debt agreement, and given that our clan compound has been deleted by a sealing failure, we are now debt free. Have a nice day."
- Find out who we owe the money to. Punch them in the face until we no longer owe them money.
- The above bulletpoint, save with blackmail.
- The above bulletpoint, save with assassination.
- The above bulletpoint, save with economical munchkinry on the scale that its going to crash entire markets on the continent.
- The above bulletpoint, save with shady under the table dealings.
- Listen to whatever Lailoken tells us to do to fix it.
- Etc.
A single Till-n-fill mission costs about 90$ as an upperbound. We could fund 5000 of them a month with our current income stream and still have money to spend, were it not for these astronomical expenses.
If selling our souls to supply tactical scout-nukes to interdimenionsal warlords and grabbing their ill-gotten conquest gains for months didn't pay off our mortgage for our cursed Fuck-Corridor Medical Experiment Jungle Mini-town we are doing something seriously, fundamentally, axiomatically wrong here somewhere.
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JulieK
Unintentionally funny
- Location
- Israel
Where does the importance of investigating the grue fit in?
[x] Action Plan: A Duel of Eldritch Horrors
JulieK
Unintentionally funny
- Location
- Israel
Who's going to buy it from us?
Vecht
Self-Requested Ban
- Location
- Snarksville, Snarkland
We were loaded then but also pressed for time and everything was on fire and Jiraiya was barely holding it together. We were given three options for purchasing existing compounds, and made the decision mostly based on coolness factor and the assumption we had the dosh to pay for it and then some.
Quite a bit has changed since then.
We should insists on Keiko coming to lunch, because she cannot run away from the problem she caused for the clan. Even if she runs away, remind her that the fundamental Keiko problem merely moved to another clan.
"You are going to come to our clan compound for lunch, and we're going to figure out how to resolve the current crisis together."
"You are going to come to our clan compound for lunch, and we're going to figure out how to resolve the current crisis together."
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Vecht
Self-Requested Ban
- Location
- Snarksville, Snarkland
Hey, kindly fuck off with that lazy equivocation. The plan was always to check with NPCs first, and no one would have continued after Mari's assessment.
Is your argument that even considering any sufficiently "out there" or potentially risky play is a priori verboten?
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Noumero
Omit Needless Words
It's an issue of global importance, and we're uniquely well-positioned to address/circumvent it courtesy of Kagome.
- We'll almost certainly be able to sell it to Ami for a major favour, which could be exchanged for political gains.
- We'll be the first to get around it (hopefully), but not the last. Once other people start noticing the weirdness and spreading the information around, there'll be significant chaos and maybe even panic. We'll be well-positioned for:
- Nip the panic in the bud.
- Exploit the predictable chaos.
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- Location
- Europe
This whole Clan continues to be a dumpster fire.
Thank god for Noburi.
Chapter 267.1: Braving the Beloved Husband
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
January 5, 1069 AS.
"Keiko, wait!" Hazō shouted.
Kei froze in place like a small animal suddenly coming to the attention of a deadly predator. She had been so close to making her escape. Ami had even managed to clear away the unbearable crowd of guests (though, in time, Kei would have her vengeance for the means involved, namely loudly requesting of every single person she knew in Leaf that they "clear a path so that the happy couple can rush home to consummate their marriage").
To think that she had almost succeeded in reaching the unfamiliar yet hereafter loyal ramparts of the Nara compound uncaught…
Instead, she would receive the punishment she was due.
To Hazō and Kei's equal surprise, Shikamaru stepped between them. "Gōketsu, trust your general motivations though I may, it is also incumbent upon me to defend my wife when she is in distress. If, as is implied by her demeanour, she is disinclined to speak with you, then I invite you to wait until she visits you of her own accord, or communicate via messenger at her leisure."
They both stared at Shikamaru, jaws figuratively dropped.
"We all have to grow up sometime."
Kei did not recognise this Shikamaru. It was as if she were facing an alien being, a shadow of the youth with whom she had partaken of so many instances of two individuals spending a day together in order to facilitate greater mutual knowledge and familiarity, arranged in anticipation of a potential long-term relationship.
It struck her like a thunderbolt. This was the long-term relationship. This was the purpose of the greater mutual knowledge and familiarity. It was that Shikamaru who was the shadow, had always been intended to be the shadow, of the man who would take her for his wife. Their friendship had been no more than a happy accident to the powers that be, Jiraiya and Lord Nara—Lord Shikaku—being first among their number.
"This is the burden you've been signed up for, Keiko," Shikamaru said with an ironic smile. "The burden of agency. The burden of control."
"Keiko," Hazō said insistently, "it's not like I'm here to fight. I just want to talk to you about the other night like we always do. Like two adults who can come to a mutual understanding. I'll go away if you want me to, but you and I both know it'll only make things worse."
Shikamaru looked to Kei. "It's your decision, Keiko. It always will be."
Kei stood still for a while. The wind, mercifully absent during the ceremony earlier, was returning with force. Whichever choice she made, it would have to be soon, before her hair was ruined, and thence her first impression before her new clan. This was the kind of sophisticated analysis she found her mind occupied with as she contemplated her future relationship with her family.
"Very well," she said finally. The confrontation could not be escaped forever. "Shikamaru, would you be able to provide the two of us with a private room?"
"We have them by the dozen," Shikamaru said, relaxing. "Our clansmen often find themselves with fascinating ideas in need of discussion, yet are easily drained by group interaction. The rooms themselves are redecorated in annual competitions—my favourite, to which we shall now proceed, being notable for its lifelike water fountain theme."
-o-
Shikamaru closed the door, leaving her alone with Hazō. Kei could hear him attach one of the painted wooden signs to the door, in this case probably the yellow one for "sensitive discussion in progress", as opposed to the green "leisurely debate—tea would be appreciated" or the red "complex dynamics; do not disrupt" (Kei could feel herself turning a bright shade of crimson when Shikamaru quietly explained some of the uses of the latter).
What now? It seemed un-Hazō-like to pursue her merely to express his disgust at her behaviour. Besides, she was already aware that she had betrayed her family, allowing her petty defiance to undermine in a time of need the very people who had supported her all along. She remembered Hazō's reaction, his immediate, urgent attempt to save the clan from her folly before before Mari-sensei—
She could not express in words, could barely understand in memory, what she had experienced in those few minutes. Mari-sensei would never harm her. Indeed, Mari-sensei's kindness was the reason Kei was alive. Then why, in the aftermath, did she feel such terror on recalling Mari-sensei's gentle, sympathetic words? What would have happened to her within that wave of sudden psychological self-destruction had it not been for her violation at Tenten's hands?
"Keiko?"
"Do you hate me?" she asked simply. "Now that I have declared my intention to sabotage the clan for no better reason than my own selfishness? Have you come to tell me never to return?"
"Sage's ballsack, Keiko!" Hazō gave her the look of bottomless frustration he normally reserved for the work of that albino chakra fox that had apparently signed a non-intervention pact with Fifi. "Of course we want you to return. You're family. Family's family even when your father punches your mother through a wall and exiles her from the village!"
Kei raised an eyebrow.
"All right, so our family's a bit screwed up. But you get my point. People don't stop being family. That's not how it works.
"Now. There are some things I feel I should say to you, and given certain past... misunderstandings…"
"Still family?" Kei interrupted anxiously.
"Still family. I can get you a certificate to put on your wall if you like. Actually," Hazō said, "I'm pretty sure Jiraiya's adoption papers will qualify."
Kei had, in fact, not given any thought to how she would remodel her chambers. Would that even be an option, or was she to share a larger area with Shikamaru? She suspected there would be some symbolic nonsense involved if they were to declare their intent to sleep in separate rooms, but on the other hand she would rather swallow a pangolin than share a bed with anyone.
Either way, on reflection there would be little more bizarre than decorating the Nara consort's bedchamber with a symbol of her co-foundation of the Gōketsu.
"But why?" she asked insistently. "I am under no illusions regarding the harm I have willingly inflicted upon the clan. I have Mari-sensei to—Compared to that, the offence I have taken at your various actions in the past is but grains of sand on the beach."
"Keiko," Hazō said, "I think this is a good time for the Clear Communication Technique. I don't believe that the fact of last night's conflict should in any way change the relationship between us, nor between you and the other Gōketsu. I do believe that there was a failure of communication that we should address in order to achieve better mutual understanding and prevent such problems arising in the future.
"On my part, I should have made more of an effort to understand your mental state, and for that I apologise. You were emphatic and unambiguous regarding the decision you'd made, and I shouldn't have tried to override it based on my own preferences. It was inconsiderate and disrespectful of me.
"At the same time, I believe that this conflict could have been avoided in the first place had you presented your concerns earlier, and worked with us on finding a solution instead of holding it all in until you felt you had no choice but to present your decision as a rigid absolute. In the future, I will endeavour to treat your feelings with greater sensitivity, and make a greater effort to respect your decisions. On your part, I request that you trust us more when it comes to making difficult decisions so that we can support you and work together in finding the best possible outcome."
That… did not sound like the torrent of condemnation she believed her actions had earned. Even as he missed the point, Hazō was investing considerable effort into reconciliation, as if they somehow shared responsibility for last night's disaster. As if Mari-sensei had not—
"I remain confused," Kei said with the neutrality demanded by Clear Communication. "It was my premeditated decision to inflict grave injury upon the clan to which I owed loyalty. Given the immutability of that decision, which you have acknowledged, what would the benefit of cooperation have been?"
"We don't know," Hazō said. "That's part of my point. It's impossible to predict the consequences of an attempt to look for mutually beneficial solutions without actually making that attempt. For us to know whether such solutions existed would only be possible if you trusted us enough to find out together. It seems to me as if you cut off your options in advance until you were left with only one visible path."
"I accept your point," Kei said reluctantly. As Hazō said, this whole chain of events resulted from a failure of communication on her part, both yesterday and, as she had stated, for a long time indeed.
No, it occurred to her. Even if betraying her family was utterly unacceptable, even if the only proper response should have been to throw herself at their feet and beg for forgiveness as Mari-sensei—
"Hazō, I accept your apology in the spirit in which it was intended, and offer mine, though I am aware that the magnitude of our failures is incomparable, insofar as yours relates to a momentary response to my actions, whereas mine was prolonged and repeated. I recognise that my failure to communicate my needs in a timely fashion, and the resulting inaction on the part of others, is a recurring failure mode, and indeed what gave rise to this entire series of events in the first place. Had I been more persistent in expressing my feelings in regard to the Pangolin war over the last several months, you might have responded in time, leading to joint pursuit of a better solution. By the same token, I should have recognised my own culpability in your planning to sell more weapons to the Seventh Path, which doubtless you would not have had I properly communicated my concerns to you in the first place. As it is, I drastically overreacted, and allowed the experience to be the tipping point for a catastrophic decision."
"Keiko," Hazō said after looking briefly between the table and the wall, "I am not questioning your decision. There is no question that you have the right to make important decisions. I am not asking for an apology for anything at all whatsoever. I am not asking you to justify your actions or lack of action. I'm just asking you to trust us enough to get our help with your important decisions so they have the best outcomes they can. Do you understand?"
Kei shook her head. "You deserve an apology for everything whatsoever. Even if you do not request it, the responsibility for last night's events is mine and mine alone. I inflicted grave suffering upon my family, and had it not been for Mari-sensei—"
She began again. "No, I realise what central issue you are unaware of. Hazō, I chose not to trust you. I was afraid that if I consulted you and the others, you might apply logical argument to persuade me out of what was ultimately a selfish, irrational decision. Then I would be left trapped with no recourse. That act of distrust goes beyond what you have described, and beyond the bonds of family."
"Keiko, why must you always—no, Clear Communication Technique. Keiko, sometimes it sounds to me like you are looking for any excuse possible to blame yourself. This is one of those times. We were all surprised. Some of us, by which I mean me, reacted poorly in the shock of the moment, and I regret my actions and will strive to do better in the future. None of us feel betrayed, and none of us, even though we know how you think and what you've done, want to punish you or for you to punish yourself. Please don't. If you think there are things you could have done better, then next time, do them better. If you're not sure you can, then, again, please trust us enough to seek our help."
It would have been frustrating enough if he had insisted she could be forgiven. To claim that her actions did not require forgiveness in the first place, after she had seen the depth of her sin in Mari-sensei's—
"Keiko, none of us blame you," Hazō interrupted her train of thought. "None of us object to your decision, and none of us think the way you handled it reflects on your character in any way. We all accept that this was the best decision you believed you could make, and now that you've made it, we want to support you in dealing with the consequences, whatever those might turn out to be. There might have been some miscommunication at the time, and you had better believe I'll deal with that when I've got a chance, but all I am actually asking for is your cooperation if things like this come up in the future. Are you prepared to do that?"
Kei nodded unsteadily. "No eternal banishment for unforgivable betrayal?" she confirmed.
"No." Hazō smiled. "I could hit you with a rolled-up broadsheet if it would make you feel better."
"Please."
-o-
Having changed the sign on the door to "green", and been generously provided with tea as per the relevant colour, Kei and Hazō moved on to conversation of a less heart-rending nature.
"Indeed," Kei said, gazing abstractedly at one of the fountain paintings. "How they could hold a wedding ceremony without a single shark involved is beyond me. I had previously assumed that Yagura's claims about foreign barbarism in My Vision were wilful exaggerations, but between the lack of shark and the clockwise juggling, I am beginning to wonder if I would have been better off having Ami arrange our wedding in Mist rather than Leaf."
"That's what was wrong!" Hazō exclaimed. "They were juggling clockwise! And to think, after all that stuff about auspicious and inauspicious days…
"Wait," he said in the tone of a man suddenly realising that he was not, in fact, suffering from a lack of shark, "I think I must have misheard. Did you just imply that Mori arranged your wedding?"
Kei gave a matter-of-fact nod, as if she had not been equally stunned mere hours earlier. "She manipulated Shikamaru into accelerating the wedding while we were still in Mist, then promptly came to Leaf and ensured that it would not be delayed by our own plans to secure her presence. She was last seen subverting her Leaf minder."
"Please confirm, Keiko," Hazō said urgently. "Your sister still has no ambitions of becoming a Kage, right?"
"Not at all. Or at least, she did not last week, which says less than you might hope.
"Of course," Kei added thoughtfully, "while I doubt she could lay sufficient groundwork in time to become Hokage in the coming elections, history is not without precedent for puppet rulers, which I imagine to be your aunt's ultimate fate, or perhaps her successor's."
Hazō swallowed most of his cup of tea in a single gulp. "Keiko, I need your sister at our compound yesterday."
"Do not tempt fate while the world contains space-time ninjutsu users," Kei advised him.
"I think fate already has it in for me," Hazō said, rising from his seat. "Tell Shikamaru that I entrust my beloved sister to his care, and also that I have not forgotten him lying to me about the wedding. Order of your choice."
-o-
The earlier wind had changed into a full-scale thunderstorm, lightning crackling in the background like an omen of unpredictable yet precise destruction (or Ami, as she was frequently known). In the Water Country, those who did not know Ami considered thunderstorms to be battles of the gods, as the Guardian Dragons of the Depths rose into the heavens to do battle with invading foreign spirits. In the Fire Country, in a rare touch of premodern religion, it was the dance of the fire kami, each seeking to outdo the rest in prowess, with no concern for the welfare of the lands below.
To the Nara, or at least these Nara, it was a perfect setting for an intimate gaming night.
"My missing-nin flee to Iron," Kei said, sliding the figures across the Focused Dominance game board.
"Roll the dice, beloved wife," Shikamaru said with a touch of mischief in his voice.
The appellation remained enough of a system shock that Kei's fingers slipped, sending the dice rocketing off the table to bounce off the partition between the Kei and Shikamaru portions of the chamber (a temporary solution pending less embarrassed negotiation; they were desperately procrastinating over the issue of asking servants to bring an extra bed on their wedding night).
"You must acclimatise yourself, Keiko. Your formal introduction to the clan beckons, and you cannot display authority as the Nara consort if you allow the people in your care to be"—he looked down at the dice— " devoured by chakra sheep every time you hear a reference to our new marital status."
"Fear not… beloved…" She would say it another time. Eventually. "If to promote uncontrollable trembling is our aim, I have some fascinating ideas which I felt it would be excessively cruel to test on Hazō. Where do you stand on the unconventional use of kitchen appliances?"
"So about those chakra sheep…" Shikamaru said quickly.
-o-
"Yesterday," Shikamaru said while wrangling the servants with regard to furniture, "your Gōketsu family proved that they were…" a full second's pause, "original and creative thinkers with currently limited awareness of the broader consequences of their actions, certainly as far as Leaf's laws, traditions and general political environment are concerned. I firmly encourage you to assist them in overcoming the dangers they have courageously chosen to face, subject to the conditions found in your welcome pack. No, we will not be requiring the special silk sheets, thank you."
Kei did not hear that last sentence. The words did not enter her ears at any point. She was far too focused on reading the Nara Consort Welcome Pack, and any other possibility was nothing less than absurd.
Consort Rule A: You take orders from me and no one else, and carry them out to the best of your ability in both letter and spirit.
Self-explanatory, Kei felt. The rule that defined the relationship between Clan Head and their subordinates. She was forced to admit it chafed. In her Mori life, she had received few orders from her superiors since they seldom deigned to acknowledge her existence, much less the competence to contribute to clan affairs. In her Team Uplift life, she had been an independent agent, if one without agency, with her opinions theoretically standing equal to her teammates'.
Then came submission to Jiraiya, which, despite her distrust of him, felt natural from a clan structure sense. A powerful patriarch guiding the clan with his decades of experience, if erratically (the obsessive search for Naruto, the primitive, violent seizing of the Hokage hat, the deadlocked negotiations that could have been swiftly resolved had he either leveraged his pride or swallowed it); a man who had earned her respect, and perhaps a modicum of affection that she had accepted too late.
Then came submission to Hazō. It was mandated. Necessary, insofar as he was the best candidate at hand (though, privately, she questioned why he should not merely be regent until Mari-sensei recovered). She understood why he needed to have ultimate decision-making and veto power. She also understood that, even before her transition to the Nara, the bond of equals they had once possessed had been eroded forever.
Now, finally, her fate was set in stone. She should feel no resentment at what had been, ultimately, the best decision for everyone involved.
But if Consort Rule A re-established the natural law of clan shinobi life, Consort Rule B overwhelmed her.
"Consort Rule B: I trust your judgement to ignore Rule A where it is necessary for the benefit of the clan. If you do, present a detailed account afterwards and be prepared to justify your actions.
These two rules supersede all others, including those listed below.
For all that was lost to Kei, she was a Nara now. The sane clan.
She was, at least nominally, second-in-command of the sane clan.
She possessed, by enshrined clan law, the second highest degree of agency within the sane clan.
She hastened on, because surely there was some trap concealed within the rules that would send her plummeting back into the familiar status quo.
You may spend time with the Gōketsu at your own discretion, and advise them as necessary, or seek to maintain social ties, insofar as doing so does not conflict with the other conditions.
Shrug. The encouragement was encouraging in its own way (there were clans that might have felt otherwise), but Shikamaru would learn much of her creative side if he ever attempted to ban her from seeing her family.
You are outside the Gōketsu chain of command. Ignore any attempts to give you orders.
Rational. A woman could not have two masters. Precedent established that those who made the attempt typically did not contain enough blood for practical purposes.
You will not allow this to interfere with your Nara duties, such as catching up on Nara logistics training, nor with carrying out other orders.
Nara logistics training. The Gōketsu could surely manage without her most of the time.
You will not take any action, or share any information, that might interfere with Nara interests or give the Gōketsu advantage over the Nara, no matter how trivial it may be. Err on the side of caution.
Maintain OPSEC on issues not directly pertaining to your personal life or the non-specific experience of life with the Nara. Again, I trust your judgement in determining what qualifies.
Warn them when they are at risk of competing with the Nara. We don't want unnecessary friction in the relationship.
The core challenge of being a political wife. In return for unhindered personal access to both clans' people, land, and resources (where not specifically banned), Kei would be forced to juggle a delicate balance of loyalties if she wanted to maintain her connection to the Gōketsu side. If that balance failed and the Nara decided she was acting to sabotage them, it would be considered proper justification to sever the alliance, regardless of prior commitments.
"Beloved wife," Shikamaru called out, causing her to drop the welcome pack. "I have explained to the servants that your barbaric national customs require us to sleep in separate beds during the first stages of the marriage, and that I am respecting them just as you proved your unquestionable respect for Leaf's superior way of life during the wedding. I should inform you in advance that I have a list of other such customs, which I may have to accidentally let slip should I be threatened with grievous bodily harm in the future."
"Beloved husband, I cannot wait to experience the thrills of our married life." This time, there was no hesitation in Kei's voice.
-o-
Outside, in the blessed calm immediately after the storm, the flickering flames cast shadows out among the tangled trees that covered the Nara compound grounds, to merge with the shadows cast by torches and hanging lanterns. Their ever-shifting pattern would allegedly prove no less fatal than Kagome's trap arrays to anyone who attempted to approach uninvited (though she would never mention this to him—the way Kagome was already, the idea of him becoming involved in an arms race made her want to flee to some peaceful, quiet corner of Bear Country). Kei wrapped the heavy Nara-crested blanket a little more tightly around her shoulders at the thought.
"A thought occurs to me…" Shikamaru said, gazing out at the horizon as his shadow whipped out behind him to slide a platter with a teapot and steaming cups between them, not spilling a drop.
"There is no need to try to impress me," Kei observed with some amusement. "I am given to understand, from certain sources I would sooner not disclose, that such things are usually performed as part of courting. Ours, I believe, is already concluded, having mostly consisted of fleeing giant monsters, being fed food so horrendous it must already have passed into legend, composing legendarily dire poetry, and playing a number of board games. Granted, one of those was largely tolerable."
Shikamaru gave a sagely nod. "I learned a number of new words from the poetry."
"For my part, it was the food. Everything I have tasted since that day has been a sublime festival for my tongue."
"Then perhaps the same could be said of this tea?" Shikamaru said with a touch of mischief.
"Well, yes," Kei said, examining the teapot with renewed suspicion. "Not an unpleasant blend, perhaps more floral than I might prefer, and I will admit to have developed something of a sweet tooth, in these magnificent days of freely-available hot chocolate, that renders me a little less satisfied by green tea of the ordinary kind."
"I shall be sure to pass your approval to Shiori," Shikamaru drawled.
Kei slowly, carefully returned the cup to the table as if it might explode on careless contact.
"Are you implying that this is her blend?"
"Recommended by her for newlyweds."
Kei barely managed not to spit her mouthful of tea into the fire, but at the cost of inhaling half of it.
Shikamaru smirked at her reaction.
"Shikamaru," she said through gritted teeth once she recovered. "You do understand the purpose served by special tea for newlyweds?"
"Oh." Shikamaru turned pale. "Much is explained."
"If you are feeling what I imagine you are feeling," Kei said with deathly coldness, "then please consider this to be the first threat of grievous bodily harm to grace this marriage."
"Wouldn't dream of it," Shikamaru waved his hands urgently. "In fact, the possibility never occurred to me. Which is not to say I considered it to be a possibility, only that as a Nara I would instinctively explore all the possible paths of I'll shut up now.
"If it's any consolation," he said after a while of awkward silence, "I suspect Shiori was merely playing a prank, and did not realise that she was inciting us to—"
"Say it and die."
"…and thus will be mortified when she realises the implications.
"But hurrying on from that subject which we never raised, and pouring the rest of the tea into those bushes over there, you must accept your new position here quickly, or the elders will eat you for lunch. Doubly so should we inevitably come under question with regard to handling the… complexities… of our relationship."
"Her name is Tenten," Kei growled.
"I am including Shiori, who counts as a complexity if anyone does, and so the non-specific plural is appropriate," Shikamaru riposted.
"I accept your deft use of language," Kei said. "However, it would appear to me that we can handle Tenten and Shiori without difficulty."
Closed eyes. Heartbeat so rapid as to be almost solid. An impossible weight on her sleeve, tiny centimetres from the skin…
"Without meaning to delve into your relationship with Tenten," Shikamaru said, mercifully oblivious, "Shiori is remarkably straightforward as young women go. As long as we establish clear communication, which I do not imagine will be difficult at all, that element of whatever incomprehensible mess we are now in should be comparatively easy to deal with."
Kei nodded. She vaguely recalled some kind of misunderstanding involving Shiori, but given how little she remembered, it had probably not been anything important.
"No, the problem lies elsewhere, and is far more grave than any of this," Shikamaru said.
Kei tensed.
"In order to sort out the logistics, we'll have to consult my mother."
…
"To clarify, you wish to consult your mother on the management of our married life with regard to my secret lover and your entity of indeterminate romantic status."
"I prefer 'personal assistant'."
"Your mother," Kei repeated. "Lady Nara Yoshino, now my mother-in-law and as formidable a woman as Leaf has ever seen, known for her keen intellect and subtle but penetrating insight, as well as mastery of social skills to rival an infiltration specialist jōnin despite being a former civilian.
"This is the woman you wish to not merely give her seal of approval, but to aid in organising this 'incomprehensible mess' not merely arranged soon after, but in fact predating our crucial marriage. Shikamaru, I made certain not to consult Jiraiya regarding my love life lest I awaken to find it in smoking ruins. What makes you believe that I wish to leap all the way to the other end of the spectrum?"
"It's either that or blunder through the process while relying solely on our own judgement."
"…what hours does she keep?"
-o-
Lady Yoshino was regrettably (happily) unavailable, leaving the two to enjoy the darkness in what Kei could not deny was pleasant company. Amidst the swaying of the trees in the wind, amidst the glow of the fire pit and the mesmerising dance of the shadows… Shikamaru was no Tenten, yet there was a certain kind of peace in watching night descend with her best friend by her side.
"What time do you get up, beloved wife?"
She was not—
No, wait. She was. It was impossible, it made no sense, and yet she had a vivid mental image of exchanging vows: one for tradition, one for the person, one for the clan. Sacred, binding, and permanent, even without the shark. How had it come to this?
Nevertheless, denying reality was her specialisation. If she could trust in it just a little longer…
"I do have a name, you will recall. I trust its two syllables do not tax your mind beyond imagination?"
"I have four," Shikamaru said, "a form of torture inflicted on me by my father so as to build the fortitude I would one day need as heir. Can you imagine the fatigue inflicted by mere self-introduction in my early days?"
"My heart weeps for you, that you should have multiple people interested in learning your name during your childhood."
"That bad?"
"Indeed." Kei looked up at the dark but clear sky. "I have frequently felt that my sister and I are two halves of the same being. She is all of the light, and I am all of the shadow. We were treated accordingly."
Shikamaru sipped his hot chocolate (neither of them felt a burning desire for tea right now). "You realise, Keiko, that you are to spend the rest of your life as princess of a clan that treasures shadows and disdains the light?"
"I… am?"
"Nara feel no need to be seen. Nara feel no need to be known. While others are blinded by the light they reach for, Nara seek the secrets hidden in its shadow.
"You're the only person capable of understanding this to marry into the Nara Clan. When you think about the impossibility of it all, of the mindboggling implications for us, but especially of the children we will—"
"We are not having children," Kei said flatly.
"You realise that in your role as—"
"We are not having children."
"Keiko, don't you think you're being a little—"
"We are not having children."
Shikamaru sighed. "Yes, ma'am. We are not—"
"We are not having children."
"Keiko, I'm agreeing with you!"
"Good," Kei said calmly. "Because we are not having children."
There was a long pause. "Because all I was thinking was that, hypothetically, if we did—"
Kei calmly took her teacup and, without looking, collected some glowing charcoal from the fire pit. "Final warning."
"Un-Understood," Shikamaru said. "On a completely unrelated topic, it is unprecedented for two of the Five Clans to intermarry, and hence certain parties might be inclined to contemplate what the combination of… bloodlines… might result in. This being a purely academic question."
"Are the Nara in possession of a Bloodline Limit?" Kei asked with a frown. "One has never been mentioned when discussing the Ino-Shika-Chō, and I was under the assumption that all your abilities were simply secret techniques."
"Oh, dear," Shikamaru said, setting aside his remaining hot chocolate. Kei accepted his proposal of mutual disarmament, tipping the coals back where they belonged.
"You left the Mori as a genin, yes?"
"It hardly bears repeating."
"Then, how much do you know about the origins and purpose of the Mori Clan?" Shikamaru asked, simultaneously beckoning her indoors.
A bizarre question. Shikamaru must surely have learned this much information about his fiancée's clan during the Chūnin Exam.
Kei closed her eyes and began to recite by rote. "The Mori Clan was established by the man we know as Mori, one of the greatest warriors to fight by the Sage's side during mankind's earliest days. During the great battle with the last primordial monsters of this world, he sacrificed himself to protect the Sage from a lethal wound. Though the Sage sought to resurrect him, part of Mori's mind had already crossed to the Deva Path to receive its just reward. When Mori returned, the Sage wept, for the man who had saved his life was like unto a puppet, lacking all free will."
As she spoke, she could hear what sounded suspiciously like Shikamaru closing all the doors and windows to the room, which was not at all alarming.
"Unable to offer Mori the gratitude he deserved, the Sage instead commanded him to found his own clan. Then, when children were born to Mori and his ordinary wife, it was found that each one, though a great hero in his own right, shared a portion of their father's curse. Without the power to grant true free will, the Sage instead bestowed his own transcendental wisdom upon them, that instead of being guided by their flawed humanity, they be ever guided by the truth.
"Ever since, the Sage's gift has been known as the Frozen Skein, for it is a vessel for bottomless depths of truth— but as the truth never changes, so those who embrace it can never change."
"Elegant," Shikamaru conceded. "We have one of those as well. Anything else?"
"More of the same with more names and additional flourish, I believe," Kei said. "And theoretical debates over the origins of the name, which I never cared to acknowledge the existence of."
"So…" Shikamaru said slowly, "nothing about the Five rings any bells?"
"Not beyond the obvious. Five Elemental Nations, five Villages, five Kage."
Shikamaru looked away from her for a moment.
"Please find a comfortable seat, beloved wife, while I call for more Shiori-brand tea. I have a feeling that we'll be staying up for a while."
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Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
I'm pretty sure uber jiraiya seals don't sell for any more than normal seals.
- Location
- Actually pretty lost
No, but the argument appears to specifically be that we should do something that appears to have serious social implications/consequences and it being waved off because on a technical level it would make sense from our privileged OOC perspective, taking into account none of the views of everyone we'd have to worry about convincing. Except even worse, because at least last time we'd only technically have to worry about the views of the ANBU, as opposed to the entire village. I am equivocating the two scenarios because upon reading one I was immediately struck by the apparent similarities, and was annoyed because last time I argued quite a lot about this, and it appears to have not stuck. Admittedly, I missed that checking with NPCs first was the plan, so it's nice that that's the case.
Nevertheless I was attempting to make a throwaway comment out of frustration, and not a personal attack, so I apologise if it came across as such.
Hey, an update!
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
There are Five Thinker bloodline clans.
Five.
There are Five Thinker bloodline bullshit AI's.
There are Five QMs.
5
We must go to Bear.
E: I called this in discord before this chapter got posted, by the by
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- Location
- Yes.
@eaglejarl @Velorien @OliWhail Did Hazou at any point discuss with Keiko ways to optimize her decision (as was in the previous plan)? If so, how did she respond; if not, what was his internal justification, and will said questions be covered in the next Keiko interlude/update?
- Location
- Europe
So anyone else interested into marring into the Mori Clan?
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
You should probably keep the Ami campaigning to a minority of your posts, otherwise folks will be predisposed to glossing over stuff you say since its likely to be Ami shitposting.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
Huh? Did someone say something?