Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
Right, we should arrange for things to happen such that Ami recruits Hana to our cause. That way this can happen.
Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
-
- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
Also we should beat Kei to hugging her.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Need to level Alertness for that one chief
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
Improve chakdar for the explicit purpose of beating Kei to it.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
NOBURI: why does one of your research scrolls have the prototype for an "Ami-dar"?
HAZOU: my goals are beyond your understanding
Noumero
Omit Needless Words
I have been thinking we might be able to research a rune that points in the direction of the nearest Mori (by keying onto the Frozen Skein portal (?) in their heads) and gives distance to them in a very wide radius, from which we might be able to triangulate likely-Ami's location. There's probably not a lot of Mori outside Mist, and we could probably filter out infiltrators or saboteurs by just avoiding (1) villages and (2) targets that move frequently (seems plausible that Ami is at some static location).
... But I'm skeptical we could actually filter out said infiltrators/saboteurs, and approaching them might be risky. (Edit: Though maybe not that risky, given we have two jounin and four summoners, as long as we avoid villages. And hey: unstagnations!)
That said, I think prep-daying a rune with some flavour of "find a thing in a very wide radius" is a good idea, for figuring out how far runes' sensory capabilities extend. Can we get a rune that can find something within 100-km radius? 1000-km radius? (Though a rift-finder might be a better minimum viable product, compared to an Ami-finder.)
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Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
I agree; fortunately, one of our priority research items a Ninja-dar.
- Location
- Can’t say. I know my momentum.
Inb4 Ami has actually manipulated the thread into manipulating Ami into manipulating Hana to join our cause.
Edit:
Wait... I just realized...
Velorien (who is clearly Ami's real-world persona) did manipulate us into hugging Ami, which then set off this whole chain of reasoning... wow.
Ah yes, the classic thread response: *new shiny X appears* *we can use X to cause more explosions*
Which is a fair point, since explosives solve all problems.
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- Location
- Yes.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
This would be ideal for dealing with Itachi...
- Location
- Washington, USA
"Within a 10km radius, all cheaty-eyeball-bloodline powers are flipped, proceeding in the exact opposite direction from what the user intended" seems like it could be enough to win against Itachi without being a problem for Sasuke. Future sight? Whoops, that's actually the recent past. Amaterasu? Have fun setting fire to the inside of your own skull.
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
HAZŌ: What?! Ami's right here among us! Oh, no, wait, it's just Kei. Again.
KEI: Can I tell him yet?
AMI: No, let's keep going. It's too funny.
Noumero
Omit Needless Words
(Kei would be reverse-summoned when we activate the rune, of course.)
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
HAZŌ: That's weird. The rune's telling me... Ami is on the Seventh Path?!
MARI: [poker face] She must have found one of the lost summoning scrolls. It's the only possible explanation.
NOBURI: That's it. Game over. The world can't handle a summoner Ami who can just bamf away to escape the consequences of whatever she does.
HAZŌ: ...
YUNO: Can I tell him yet?
MARI: No, let's keep going. It's too funny.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
Bloodline Tracking Rune Mk 1
Excepting the person who activates this rune, detects the person genetically closest to them within [X] miles, where [X] is however far Hazou can make it, and indicates the direction to them. This functions in accordance with how Hazou would expect it to work, not how RL genetics works.
Bloodline Tracking Sample Rune Mk 1
Given a sample of genetic material from someone placed atop it, this rune performs the above function on that material. Otherwise, it does nothing.
Excepting the person who activates this rune, detects the person genetically closest to them within [X] miles, where [X] is however far Hazou can make it, and indicates the direction to them. This functions in accordance with how Hazou would expect it to work, not how RL genetics works.
Bloodline Tracking Sample Rune Mk 1
Given a sample of genetic material from someone placed atop it, this rune performs the above function on that material. Otherwise, it does nothing.
(AU) Interlude: From Kinder Dice, Part 3
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
(AU) Interlude: From Kinder Dice, Part 3
"Where is she?" Jiraiya muttered out of the side of his mouth. "Even Tadao can't drag this out much longer."
"I don't know," Hazō said. "I've checked all her usual haunts. HazōPlaygroundPeruser popped three minutes ago. The place is empty."
"She could be underground? You know how she's been since you taught her Hiding Like a Mole."
"Nah, he used Living Roots. She isn't good enough to evade it yet."
Sukiyama Tadao, Commandant of the Leaf Academy of the Ninja Arts, flicked a brief glare over to the Hokage and his son. Said glare was a masterwork of the genre, the epitome of perfected perfection, the boot-quaver-inducing scowl of a man whose primary professional obligation was to terrify into silent obedience hundreds of young ninja and their overdemanding (often Clan-Head) parents.
It bounced right off the Toad Sage and the Rune Lord, who continued whispering furiously. They were now sufficiently engaged by the conversation that they were forgetting to speak in sidelong prison-yard whispers that might have evaded observation by the rank upon rank of young faces arrayed before them.
Tadao cleared his throat pointedly.
"Hm?" Jiraiya said, looking up in surprise. "Oh, right. Please continue, Commandant."
"Thank you, Lord Hokage." The words were pointed and another glare, equally fruitless, followed in its predecessor's footsteps before the Commandant returned to his
"HazōForestFinder just popped," Hazō muttered. "No sign."
"Huh," Jiraiya said, head cocking in sudden thought. "You don't suppose that—"
The ground erupted in the center of the graduate seating, spilling young (about to be) genin left and right. A pillar of flame fountained into the air ("Damnit, how did she get into my prototypes?" Jiraiya muttered) and Jiraiya's voice rolled out in an overlapping chorus, each of dozens of instances saying Boo! at almost the same time.
"Kagome-sensei, what did you do?" Hazō grumbled.
The Academy students (soon to be graduates) were scrambling away from the pit in the center of their formation and the pillar of flame that still roared forth from within it. Teachers were pushing their way forward, handseals flickering and various combat jutsu snapping into existence around them.
The flame cut out to be replaced with a pillar of water as thick as a man and twenty feet high. A young girl was flung into the sky from the force of the jetting pillar; she turned a neat flip and her hands moved, sending a rain of small metal disks down throughout the crowd.
Each seal carried a puffer and all of them went off in a fast rippling wave of harmless bangs that threw smoke and sound everywhere.
The girl touched down in a neat three-point landing, then flicked her head dramatically back so that her shoulder-length hair was flung up and over her shoulder, allowing her to lock eyes with her Hokage.
Clap. Clap. Clap.
Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked to where Jiraiya was clapping, slowly and with tremendous portent of punishment, castigation, and withheld dessert.
The girl, Gōketsu Honoka because of course she was, snapped to attention and saluted. "Gōketsu Honoka, reporting for duty after successfully demonstrating her ability to assassinate all members of the Rock Military Academy, Lord Hokage sir!"
"Genin Gōketsu," Jiraiya began.
"My Lord! She is not a genin," Commandant Tadao protested. "She has yet—" ("Wind Element Technique: Sound Bubble," Jiraiya hurried to say)—"to graduate, in part because she has reduced this ceremony to a shambles. Nor will she be graduating after this reprehensible demonstration of insubordination and disrespect for authority. She will be held back until she can comport herself with the professionalism required of all Leaf ninja."
"Commandant," Jiraiya said, spreading his hands and gesturing to the aforementioned shambles, "I believe we can stipulate that she has the skills to be a genin of the Leaf. Rather more than the skills, actually. Few chūnin could pull this off."
"My Lord, that is not the point! A ninja must be skilled, yes, but those skills must be a weapon in the hand of the Hokage, not a blundering hammer swung around at random by a drunken laborer."
"I am quite confident that she will obey my orders, Tadao. Heck, I'm pretty sure she did this entire thing because two days ago I told her that her idea to quote make the whole world better by just assassinating all those nasty Rock ninja endquote was impossible, but she could prove me wrong if she wanted to put a specific mission plan together." He smiled. "If so, I gotta say I'm impressed. This little stunt would have taken weeks of planning if we did it for real and she pulled it together in under forty-eight hours? Wild." He glanced over at Hazō. "Hiding Like a Mole to get under the yard, then maybe a Tunnel Excavation to make space to stay in? After that... I recognized my Signal Fountain prototype for the fire and the Epic Seal of Awesomeness With A Really Awesome Name That You Have To Say All Of Every Time Or It Won't Work And Also I'll Punch You In The Face, This Means You, Hazō for the voices—she must have gotten Kagome to scribe those for her. Probably triggered it all with a MARS chain. What was the water thing?"
"Macerator, version 9," Hazō said. "Higher storage capacity, enhanced discharge velocity and volume, tighter focus. The hydrolaunch ability is something I've been practicing; there's some equipment involved to handle the spacing, but basically the seal goes off underneath a platform that you're standing on. It shoots the platform into the air, throwing you along with. It needs excellent balance and you need to activate your waterwalking at exactly the right moment to keep from getting tumbled. It takes a lot of practice and I didn't realize she'd been working on it."
Tadao cleared his throat. "Lord Hokage. With your leave, we will have the child removed and resume the graduation ceremony." He turned to where the Academy instructors were waiting below, looking up at the platform atop which the little group stood. "Umino, Tanaka! Take the—" He broke off when the instructors in question shook their heads and cupped their ears, his voice unable to reach them through the Sound Bubble that Tadao only belatedly recalled Jiraiya casting.
"I don't think it's necessary to have her removed," Jiraiya said with a dismissive wave. "Look at what she accomplished! That seems graduation-worthy on its own."
"That is not the point, sir. She needs to behave appropriately, to comport herself with decorum as a role model for others. Moreso, if you will pardon my bluntness, it is even more important since she is your adoptive niece. Anything less and there will be talk of favoritism."
Jiraiya frowned. "Commandant, you are perhaps not—"
"I've got an idea," Hazō said.
He explained it.
Jiraiya was cackling so hard he couldn't breathe and had to settle for nodding and giving a thumbs-up. Tadao seemed disgruntled but couldn't manage to find an objection. Ultimately, he sighed and went along.
"Graduating seniors, at attention!" the Commandant called once Jiraiya had dropped the Sound Bubble.
Four hundred and thirty-seven youngsters pivoted to face their Commandant and snapped to, legs tight together and hands in front, ready to make handseals. Among those youngsters was one young girl with an urchin grin that threatened to split her face.
"For six years now, you have demonstrated your skills, your loyalty, and your knowledge. You have passed every test you were given, mastered every technique placed before you. You have shown strategic and tactical skills that will allow you to serve your nation and your Hokage with distinction. This was your final examination." He paused to look gravely over the crowd. "A surprise attack by a rogue agent from the Land of Rivers. She was given every advantage of intelligence and access, passed through the guard rings without challenge—"
Honoka opened her mouth to object but Jiraiya's fingers moved in a rapid and subtle Whisper on the Breeze that made her shut grumpily up.
"—and now comes the second half of the challenge!" Tadao continued. "As you have been taught, there are three phases to any mission: planning, preparation, and infiltration. Execution. Exfiltration and return. Our saboteur has successfully completed the first two stages of her mission and now must execute the third."
Honoka's grumpy expression suddenly disappeared, replaced by a look of alarm. The alarm escalated to full-blown horror as the Commandant completed his speech.
"On my order, the saboteur may begin her exfiltration. At the same time, the graduating class will come to the podium in single file to receive their genin headbands. The moment you have your headband you are a genin of Leaf and have the obligation to capture or kill all saboteurs. As such, you will pursue young Miss Gōketsu with all the skills and mastery that you have earned over your time with us. Anyone who tags our saboteur will be awarded pay equivalent to a C-rank mission. For Miss Gōketsu, every time she is tagged she will be required to serve one punishment detail here at the Academy, the first of which shall be cleaning the kitchen grease trap with a toothbrush and a thimble. She shall not be considered a graduate of the Leaf Academy, nor shall she receive her headband, until she has completed all punishment details."
Huge grins spread across faces and hundreds of eyes turned to Honoka, their gazes those of wolves eyeing a fawn. Without dropping the position of attention, students shuffled closer together, hemming her in.
"Where does the exfil end?!" Honoka called desperately.
"Why, when you return home to River," Tadao said, grinning toothily. "Specifically, when you cross the border. Academy instructors will accompany you to track how many times you are tagged." Two nods sent a pair of grizzled veterans pressing through the crowd to the suddenly panicked young girl.
"Begin," called Commandant Tadao, satisfaction in his voice.
Voting remains closed. @Paperclipped will execute the current plan for Thursday.
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- Location
- Book Fort
- Pronouns
- They/Them
- Location
- Central Standard Time
I'm not quite sure that the dice were kind to Honoka…
Iris-Iven-Ibis
Interested-Idiot-Immortal
- Location
- You know
Na she'll Win
- Pronouns
- She/Her/They/Them
We could have this. We can have this. We will have this. You got me emotional already...
The mental image is a thing of wonder!
Wait. How did she get so many instances of the Epic Seal of Awesomeness With A Really Awesome Name That You Have To Say All Of Every Time Or It Won't Work And Also I'll Punch You In The Face, This Means You, Hazō?
When the Hokage "arson, murder, and jaywalking"s your punishment, you just committed a hilarious crime
Welp. Go do this I guess
Have we tested that experimentally-
That's the whole quest!
Experiment group A (Hidden Swamp) didn't do anything novel, but if you focus just on the the "Goketsu" subgroup analysis, you get some really interesting results.
- Location
- Can’t say. I know my momentum.
Uoaa! a From Kinder Dice interlude? Man EJ, you're bringing back all my favorite interlude serieses!
Hah! I called it! I knew it was Honoka!
Nice. Sounds about right for our girl.
Lol. Love that line.
Uh-oh, where is this going?
Oh no…
If there weren't other people around, I'd be reduced to Jiraya's state right about now.
Hahaha!
Great update, @eaglejarl. Thanks for that one.
- Location
- The Soviet Republic of Canuckistan
- Pronouns
- He/Him
How long does the Academy last?
This seems like a massive graduating class. Kinder dice indeed.