Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

[_The_Bomb]

After thinking about it, I would like to forward an argument for why RER bombardment should more-or-less instantly kill all of Akatsuki in their fortress, with no opportunity to dodge or survive.

I know, that sounds very unbalanced. I agree actually, that very much isn't balanced. From a combat perspective, it's comically unfair. Nonetheless, I've come to the conclusion that there are strong simulationist reasons why everyone in the fort should simply be reduced to a red mist:

Part 1: Dodging is impossible​

Our current gameplan is to fire RERs from a distance onto the fort from a concealed position at their maximum range. We will use saturation bombardment, ensuring thorough coverage of the fort and, in all likelyhood, landing at least one shot inside the fortress itself. These shots will be fired simultaneously. And, if all goes according to plan, they will be fired from ambush; RERs create a large and visible effect at the position of the rune, but this can be concealed. At the target position, there is no effect whatsoever before the explosion manifests.

Consider a ordinary explosive seal; you prime it, tie it to a kunai, and toss it at your enemy. Crucially, your enemy can see this, and so they can dodge. Maybe you toss it from behind your enemy when they aren't expecting it. But explosive tags sizzle, and kunais whistle through the air; a attentive opponent still gets a chance to dodge, or they could turn around at a opportune moment. But imagine you made the tag and kunai silent, you tossed it arbitrarily fast, and you were absolutely concealed beyond all possibility of detection. Dodging has, from a simulationist perspective, become utterly impossible. Why would a opponent react to nothing?

This is what we have accomplished with RERs. You can hear a explosive tag, hear a technique callout, or see a ominously glowing boulder in the same zone as you. You cannot see a RER before the blast wave manifests in the same zone as you. There is zero indication; the only possible way you can react is if you can react to the explosion itself.

And you can't dodge the explosion, either. It's approaching you at a minimum of mach 1. 300 meters per second or more. If it appears on the opposite end of the zone, you have a tenth of a second at best to see the explosion and get out of the zone or into cover. Human reaction time has a hard limit; neural impulses only move so fast, and beyond a certain point is it physically impossible for the necessary information to travel through your eyes, set off a cascade in your brain/spinal column, and reach your limbs in time. 'Faster' reaction times are, actually, precise prediction of the timing of a future event. Which you can't do if taken by surprise.

Part 2: Cover won't save you​

Cover doesn't really help. Not at close range. Cover will stop shrapnel, because shrapnel are physical objects thrown by the explosion that hurt you. Like a bullet, or a kunai, or a random rock.

A blast wave is a blast wave. It reflects, diffracts, and is attenuated but not stopped entirely by passing through solid materials. Hiding behind a sturdy object will only really protect you from shrapnel; if the blast wave was enough to thoroughly kill you, it will go around your cover and still be enough to kill you. The sort of 'cover' that protects against a explosion is massive, covers all angles and is reasonably airtight. AKA, a bunker or a tank. And even that is not perfect.

Armor also doesn't really help. EOD experts famously wear a giant and very bulky suit of armor. This isn't blastproof. This provides a degree of protection from the blastwave, and much more protection from shrapnel. Close proximity to a blast will still kill you via massive trauma anyway. Modern materials are incapable of saving you if you are anywhere near a 'large' explosion.

I am a particular fan of this scene from the movie Hurt Locker, which is (by my understanding) well researched, and does a excellent job of depicting the genuine danger of explosions (mild blood warning):


View: https://youtu.be/XobAuWXP_P4?t=530

By hollywood standards, he dodged that explosion. The physical, visible debris was nowhere near him. And it was not even all that much explosive, maybe a couple kilograms of it. And he was wearing a EOD vest. He still died.

Part 3: Physique won't save you either​

Explosions are far more deadly than media typically gives them credit for. At close range, shrapnel is not the danger. The shockwave is.

A shockwave travelling through a human body puts physical stress on all tissues it passes through. AKA, the entire body. If the shockwave is severe enough, you get tearing and rupturing of the everything. This is fatal. A comprehensive list of how it kills you would be disgusting, but you could summarize it as 'popping a water balloon'. Massive trauma to the everything everywhere, causing death by a whole lot of things at once.

If it doesn't kill you, it will incapacitate you. Injury is most pronounced to structures with large density gradients - AKA, anything containing air. It will hit your brain, your lungs, your ears, your eyes, your digestive track. Your balance will be destroyed, you'll be discombobulated and concussed such that staying coherent and focus is physiologically impossible. Your eyes may have popped. Bleeding will be widespread. You will also shit yourself. If this happens during combat, you are beyond a sitting duck; it would be remarkable if you could stand.

Ninja have enhanced physical durability compared to baseline humans, but they are not made of iron. Moderately enhanced durability will not help if you are very thoroughly killed. Given the textual evidence available, I do not believe ninja are anything more than mildly more resistant to overpressure injury.

Part 4: Explosive runes are not small.​

It is worth noting that functionally, explosive runes and derivatives are qualitatively very different to explosive seals. Explosive seals are close to a concussive hand grenade. The blast wave is small enough that physically dodging to escape injury is plausible. At least, if you are a ninja.

Explosive runes, however, are far larger. The lethal radius is measured in zones. Drawing a conclusive comparison to real explosive power is difficult, but most likely they are equivalent to hundreds of kilograms of high explosive. The 'safe' distance, for values of 'safe' equal to not instantly dying, is greater than the maximum size of a zone. The idea of 'dodging' such a explosion without changing zones is ludicrous.

A explosive rune could be described as instantly killing any humanlike target within, at minimum, the same zone. And likely nearby zones as well. Survival without the assistants of esoteric chakra techniques is impossible.

Part 5: Chakra could save you, actually. A shame you aren't using it.​

So, how could you survive a effect which is so fast that it is impossible to react to, and which is not stopped by that cover you couldn't reach anyway, and which kills you so thoroughly that no amount of physique will save you?

Simple: cheat.

Chakra enables many abilities which could, in principle, allow you to survive in this scenario. Barrier techniques which don't act like ordinary matter. Intangibility. Physically impossible reaction times. Literal time manipulation. Non-human physiology. Rapid regeneration. All of these break the rules in just the right way that you could survive this particular scenario of certain death.

We have seen many or all of these. Akatsuki has some of them. What a shame we caught them by surprise in a ambush.

Conclusion: "They're gonna have to glue you back together... IN HELL!"​

So, we're going to ambush Akatsuki with giant explosions while they're sitting in/near a fort.

• There are so many explosions that statistically, the entire base, inside and out, will be saturated with thoroughly lethal overpressure.
• These giant explosions will teleport within literal meters of them instantly, such that the first opportunity they have to react is when a blast wave is barreling towards them.
• Dodging is physically impossible without specific chakra abilities.
• Cover will not help, and infact being locked in a reinforced room with a explosion will do the opposite of helping.
• The blast wave is sufficiently lethal to instantly kill any humanlike being, as well as most non-humanlike beings.
• Having caught them flatfooted, they will not be using expensive chakra techniques that could let them respond to this, and they do not have opportunity to activate them.

There are some ways that they could incidentally survive. If we get spectacularly unlucky, Itachi might be using literal precognition at that instant and reverse summon. Konan might live if in paper form and already distributed. Hidan's regeneration might allow him to survive Total Body Disruption. Any of them might have decided to take a nap in a small, perfectly airtight, indestructible, and immovable coffin.

Barring these unlikely possibilities, I posit that this should be a instantaneous TPK. If you wish to determine if anyone lives or dies, a dodge roll or TN is the wrong question to ask. You should be asking specifically if the circumstances at that instant would permit any particular member to survive a instant death effect or predict the future.

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Hey Buggy! Very interesting read. I think you might be interested in checking out this old post of mine that touches on some similar stuff. I'm certainly quite curiosity to hear your thoughts on it!

 

[Sir Stompy]

Any of them might have decided to take a nap in a small, perfectly airtight, indestructible, and immovable coffin.

Click to shrink...

Geode Coffin my beloved ♥️

 

[_The_Bomb]

Geode Coffin my beloved ♥️

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Out of curiosity, what level of Geode Coffin would you need to survive a full RER2 barrage? Assuming it's already up, of course.

 

[Byzantine]

Out of curiosity, what level of Geode Coffin would you need to survive a full RER2 barrage? Assuming it's already up, of course.

Click to shrink...

Infinite, if it generates inside the coffin

 

[Shrooms]

Out of curiosity, what level of Geode Coffin would you need to survive a full RER2 barrage? Assuming it's already up, of course.

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TN 120 attack roll would mean you'd need durability 12+ or eventually the barrage would break through. That would mean Geode Coffin level 90+. Not sure how two TNs would interact here/which one would win the tie. RAW, tied rolls go to the attacker, but TN vs. TN is not specified afaik. If the RER2 wins the tie, then you would need GC level 100 to remain undamaged from each blast.

If you just wanted to survive one blast, Geode Coffin 70 would suffice. Durability 10 means TN 100 to damage and 10 stress boxes.

 

[Halil]

Out of curiosity, what level of Geode Coffin would you need to survive a full RER2 barrage? Assuming it's already up, of course.

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The shockwaves still propagate through. And a denser / stiffer / stronger geode, while possibly retaining its own structural integrity, transfers more of the shockwave. So GC is mostly horrible to survive large explosions nearby and outside it, especially as you level it further beyond structural integrity! Different material properties would work better.

Edit: although higher levels of GC would help with avoiding spallation... The above assumes GC survives (so high enough for that) and higher levels are denser / stiffer / stronger. If it sufficiently increases in mass or thickness too, it could be alright.

 

[Sir Stompy]

Out of curiosity, what level of Geode Coffin would you need to survive a full RER2 barrage? Assuming it's already up, of course.

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A full barrage of 5?

120+30+8+2+1 = TN 161

GC has Durability Effect + 2, Effect 1 to AB

So GC 110, cast at Effect 12, would cost 334 CP and have Durability 14, that takes 11 stress and survives.

 

[Buggy]

Hey Buggy! Very interesting read. I think you might be interested in checking out this old post of mine that touches on some similar stuff. I'm certainly quite curiosity to hear your thoughts on it!

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Hmm, some of that sounds like it's been covered now, actually. For instance, the 'what if Hazo sets off multiple explosives' question is answered, with there being a definite mechanic for 'combining explosions' that increases the TN. I don't remember where that mechanic is described, but it came up recently with the RER stuff.

Going down the list:

Cover Manipulation with Ninjutsu - Might remove cover, might just grant a aspect for 'you can't hide' when attacking.
Pre-Battle Zone Alteration - Probably also gives a aspect.
Overcrowded Cover - The QMs will never run a battle this large with normal mechanics. I think at most, multiple combatants would get 'wrapped up' into a single entity as has (iirc) happened in the past.
Multiple AoEs and Cover - As mentioned above, this has a mechanic now somewhere.
Expanding, Continuous AoEs - Probably gets modeled as a new attack every turn, and maybe the TN within the starting zone increases or something.

 

[_The_Bomb]

If you wish to determine if anyone lives or dies, a dodge roll or TN is the wrong question to ask. You should be asking specifically if the circumstances at that instant would permit any particular member to survive a instant death effect or predict the future.

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I believe this is what the QMs like to call "The EM Protocol."

 

[Byzantine]

Also reverse summoning isn't instant if you don't have a summon out ready for it, so even seeing the future may not actually help if they aren't already at a decent level of heightened awareness.

 

[Noumero]

We will use saturation bombardment, ensuring thorough coverage of the fort and, in all likelyhood, landing at least one shot inside the fortress itself. These shots will be fired simultaneously

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I actually don't think this is a good idea, we should fire them such that there's a very small (less than a round) delay between the first and the last shot. Earlier shots destroy the walls/defenses, allowing the latter shots to manifest effects directly within the fortress.

This would be particularly helpful if the walls are reinforced with 5SBs or something, such that they actually do nullify the explosions' lethality (ensure there's no shrapnel, no blast wave, etc.). However cool the seal-based defenses are, they're unlikely to survive, say, three RER2s simultaneously, allowing the remaining six RER2s to be applied directly to the fortress' soft innards.

I suppose there's going to be some "natural" split-second stagger between the explosions, but we should probably ensure it's small enough for earlier explosions to meaningfully count as a "separate" attack for the purposes of charka-construct-dispel-time.

 

[Cariyaga]

I actually don't think this is a good idea, we should fire them such that there's a very small (less than a round) delay between the first and the last shot. Earlier shots destroy the walls/defenses, allowing the latter shots to manifest effects directly within the fortress.

This would be particularly helpful if the walls are reinforced with 5SBs or something, such that they actually do nullify the explosions' lethality (ensure there's no shrapnel, no blast wave, etc.). However cool the seal-based defenses are, they're unlikely to survive, say, three RER2s simultaneously, allowing the remaining six RER2s to be applied directly to the fortress' soft innards.

I suppose there's going to be some "natural" split-second stagger between the explosions, but we should probably ensure it's small enough for earlier explosions to meaningfully count as a "separate" attack for the purposes of charka-construct-dispel-time.

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Considering it... I don't actually think that 5SB would be helpful against this calibre of explosive. Even if it kept the walls up, in cracks in the door ways the pressure wave would seep through, destroy everything and everyone inside, and instantaneously destroy the 5SB seals. And with how 5SB works, I don't think they could reasonably do it to the whole place, so they'd have to do it in pieces, which means seams that the explosion can propagate through.

 

[Noumero]

Considering it... I don't actually think that 5SB would be helpful against this calibre of explosive. Even if it kept the walls up, in cracks in the door ways the pressure wave would seep through, destroy everything and everyone inside, and instantaneously destroy the 5SB seals. And with how 5SB works, I don't think they could reasonably do it to the whole place, so they'd have to do it in pieces, which means seams that the explosion can propagate through.

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Sure, but they don't have literal 5SBs, they have some bullshit Sasori seals, and he's an "excellent" defensive S-rank sealmaster. I think it's unlikely, but plausible, that he has some defenses that'd be able to protect the Akatsuki from any "single" attack – but not a slightly staggered series of attacks that peel these defenses like an onion.

I suppose it wouldn't matter at the FtD mechanical level, it should still be a TN161 attack either way. But narratively/physically, there might be a subtle but important difference.

... Though having written it all out, I've now mostly convinced myself it won't matter. Nevermind, carry on.

 

[eaglejarl]

Honestly, I'd be surprised if there were many jonin with us who had SC at a meaningful level. Tobirama invented it as an infiltration technique, so unless someone's a stealth/infiltration (or research) spec, they'd, generally, only need the SC to last long enough for a few rounds of combat. And Naruto sent ninjutsu specialists to us for their chakra reserves, not infiltration specs.

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I think you have that backwards, no? It's an infiltration technique, it's not intended for use in combat. Indeed, it's counterproductive in combat unless you have absolutely massive chakra reserves, as you will be cutting your own ability to fight. As such, having it at high levels is good; e.g. if you have it at level 40 you can stay 2.5 miles from town while your clone goes in, scouts, investigates, and does the thing -- whatever 'the thing' might be for that mission.

Granted, prior player Crunbum took the position that SC is always the right move on the first round because even though it leaves you with only enough chakra for one round of combat (and that perhaps only by inflicting Consequences on yourself via overdraw), the action economy is such that you will win the fight in the one round you can manage. It's possible that's correct on the mechanics but I personally was never convinced that anyone in-universe would do it while lacking spreadsheet vision.

May I ask if this is "bemused, long-suffering, playful" or "genuinely upset"? I had interpreted it as the former but it isn't entirely clear.

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The former. Thanks for checking. :>

We will use saturation bombardment, ensuring thorough coverage of the fort and, in all likelyhood, landing at least one shot inside the fortress itself.

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Wow. That was seriously impressive. I'll talk to the others about it, however I think it's unlikely to work out as the no-save TPK you are hoping for. Specifically:

• RERs require line of effect. The explosion will not manifest inside a building.
• "Sturdy bunker that can shrug off explosions" is exactly the sort of fortress that one would expect a defender to build, since a primary mode of attack that is hard to defend against in the modern world is explosives / large objects being dropped on you from above.
• You yourself state that chakra effects could reinforce the stone / stop the blast wave propagation. We have not yet created an actual floorplan for the fortress or its defenses, but I guarantee chakra is involved.

I do agree that anyone who is outside the fortress when the RERs hit is going to be paste absent some specific piece of bullshit. ponwog99, Akatsuki may or may not have that bullshit but their mooks don't.

 

[Cariyaga]

I think you have that backwards, no? It's an infiltration technique, it's not intended for use in combat. Indeed, it's counterproductive in combat unless you have absolutely massive chakra reserves, as you will be cutting your own ability to fight. As such, having it at high levels is good; e.g. if you have it at level 40 you can stay 2.5 miles from town while your clone goes in, scouts, investigates, and does the thing -- whatever 'the thing' might be for that mission.

Granted, prior player Crunbum took the position that SC is always the right move on the first round because even though it leaves you with only enough chakra for one round of combat (and that perhaps only by inflicting Consequences on yourself via overdraw), the action economy is such that you will win the fight in the one round you can manage. It's possible that's correct on the mechanics but I personally was never convinced that anyone in-universe would do it while lacking spreadsheet vision.


The former. Thanks for checking. :>


Wow. That was seriously impressive. I'll talk to the others about it, however I think it's unlikely to work out as the no-save TPK you are hoping for. Specifically:

• RERs require line of effect. The explosion will not manifest inside a building.
• "Sturdy bunker that can shrug off explosions" is exactly the sort of fortress that one would expect a defender to build, since a primary mode of attack that is hard to defend against in the modern world is explosives / large objects being dropped on you from above.
• You yourself state that chakra effects could reinforce the stone / stop the blast wave propagation. We have not yet created an actual floorplan for the fortress or its defenses, but I guarantee chakra is involved.

I do agree that anyone who is outside the fortress when the RERs hit is going to be paste absent some specific piece of bullshit. ponwog99, Akatsuki may or may not have that bullshit but their mooks don't.

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The primary thing they need to survive within the fortress is a) a way to keep the fortress from falling apart around them and b) a way to keep the blast waves from propagating within. I could imagine it being the case that they have high level defenses against both separately, but I think they'd be hard pressed to have defences sufficient to completely keep them safe within, especially if we targeted within the entryway as the door's open.

But we'll see! I look forward to finding out. I will, however, note that "building sturdy bunkers that can survive TN 169 explosives" is something we struggle with IRL with matsci far greater than the EN has access to.

 

[Shard]

Granted, prior player Crunbum took the position that SC is always the right move on the first round because even though it leaves you with only enough chakra for one round of combat (and that perhaps only by inflicting Consequences on yourself via overdraw), the action economy is such that you will win the fight in the one round you can manage. It's possible that's correct on the mechanics but I personally was never convinced that anyone in-universe would do it while lacking spreadsheet vision.

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There's no way that works out logically. Spending one action in Turn 1 to have two actions in Turn 2 is a fail in virtually all combat situations in virtually all combat systems. Even if SC was completely free (but in this argument lasted only 1 round) such a tactic would fail. Actions in turn 1 are more valuable than actions in turn 2 and so forth due to compounding consequences. You need a minimum of 3 rounds of combat before any gains of any sort manifest from casting SC in-combat (assuming you get one SC clone).

 

[Cariyaga]

There's no way that works out logically. Spending one action in Turn 1 to have two actions in Turn 2 is a fail in virtually all combat situations in virtually all combat systems. Even if SC was completely free (but in this argument lasted only 1 round) such a tactic would fail. Actions in turn 1 are more valuable than actions in turn 2 and so forth due to compounding consequences. You need a minimum of 3 rounds of combat before any gains of any sort manifest from casting SC in-combat (assuming you get one SC clone).

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This assumes the shadow clone gets to act on the first turn, on your initiative.

 

[Kyreneryk]

I actually don't think this is a good idea, we should fire them such that there's a very small (less than a round) delay between the first and the last shot. Earlier shots destroy the walls/defenses, allowing the latter shots to manifest effects directly within the fortress.

This would be particularly helpful if the walls are reinforced with 5SBs or something, such that they actually do nullify the explosions' lethality (ensure there's no shrapnel, no blast wave, etc.). However cool the seal-based defenses are, they're unlikely to survive, say, three RER2s simultaneously, allowing the remaining six RER2s to be applied directly to the fortress' soft innards.

I suppose there's going to be some "natural" split-second stagger between the explosions, but we should probably ensure it's small enough for earlier explosions to meaningfully count as a "separate" attack for the purposes of charka-construct-dispel-time.

Click to shrink...

Based on prior QM responses, doing this would allow Akatsuki to take their turns between the start and end of the barrage, which would be bad because it allows them to buff up/reverse summon/activate an impenetrable barrier seal/etc.

All explosions that happen sufficiently close together happen before Akatsuki can react, and get grouped as above. After that we are into combat and everyone responds on their initiative. Thus, if Hazou and Kei are staggering their attacks:

• Hazō's Alertness (and therefore initiative) is 36
• Kei's Alertness (and therefore initiative) is 49
• Sasori's Alertness is HDK but probably higher than 49

Hazō opens combat by firing 5 REs, which collectively hit at 135. That is a single attack that happens before combat. As soon as it is resolved, combat starts. Sasori moves, then Kei fires 5 more runes which collectively hit at 135 (assume no delay for Runic Explosives firing), then Hazō moves again.

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There's no way that works out logically. Spending one action in Turn 1 to have two actions in Turn 2 is a fail in virtually all combat situations in virtually all combat systems. Even if SC was completely free (but in this argument lasted only 1 round) such a tactic would fail. Actions in turn 1 are more valuable than actions in turn 2 and so forth due to compounding consequences. You need a minimum of 3 rounds of combat before any gains of any sort manifest from casting SC in-combat (assuming you get one SC clone).

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I think the argument is that you would be making 4-5 SCs, even if that leaves them all nearly dry. (Remember, the technique costs 150 CP to start up but then only 25 CP per clone you want to make.) It's not very convincing to me, though.

 

[Sir Stompy]

Wow. That was seriously impressive. I'll talk to the others about it, however I think it's unlikely to work out as the no-save TPK you are hoping for. Specifically:

• RERs require line of effect. The explosion will not manifest inside a building.
• "Sturdy bunker that can shrug off explosions" is exactly the sort of fortress that one would expect a defender to build, since a primary mode of attack that is hard to defend against in the modern world is explosives / large objects being dropped on you from above.
• You yourself state that chakra effects could reinforce the stone / stop the blast wave propagation. We have not yet created an actual floorplan for the fortress or its defenses, but I guarantee chakra is involved.

I do agree that anyone who is outside the fortress when the RERs hit is going to be paste absent some specific piece of bullshit. ponwog99, Akatsuki may or may not have that bullshit but their mooks don

Click to shrink...

So I think there are a couple of points worth mentioning here

• Explosions the size of a RER 2.0 are probably utterly unprecedented in the EN. Reinforcement seals like the 5SB and Force Walls don't work on structures like an entire fortress, and the seal elements are still vulnerable.
• Notably 5SB doesn't protect from fire, and explosives are force and fire. Force Wall probably can't stop the blast waves from propagating around the AoE and knocking the seals out of alignment. Plus, neither seal can be covering the whole structure.
• Which is all to say that I think the fortress should come down. And it will come down unless its Durability is like 14 or higher, which would be incredibly hard to do.
• We know that collapsing buildings are a good way of killing high-level ninja, even those with bullshit bloodline abilities -- that's how Hiashi died. It's also how Kakuzu at Nagi died, suffocating under a mountain. I would imagine there's a decent chance the fortress collapsing kills some Akatsuki members.
• Not Konan or Hidan obviously, but Itachi, Deidara, Sasori, and Kisame? They're more-or-less human (except Sasori), but there's no reason to think they'd be particularly resistant to having 50 tons of rock dropped on their heads.

 

[eaglejarl]

There's no way that works out logically. Spending one action in Turn 1 to have two actions in Turn 2 is a fail in virtually all combat situations in virtually all combat systems. Even if SC was completely free (but in this argument lasted only 1 round) such a tactic would fail. Actions in turn 1 are more valuable than actions in turn 2 and so forth due to compounding consequences. You need a minimum of 3 rounds of combat before any gains of any sort manifest from casting SC in-combat (assuming you get one SC clone).

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The logic never worked for me and his analysis always included some sketchy math. That said, I recall him running white-room fights on the discord and showing his work and my recollection is that no one was quite convinced but also I don't remember a specific flaw that was found in the analysis. There were flaws found on other occasions, however.

It's likely not too hard to find his thesis on the search bar; he talked about it enough that there should be plenty of examples.

 

[Cariyaga]

Yeah, he did white room fights about it and as far as I can remember they were correct to the mechanics other than the presumption that shadow clones would get the opportunity to attack round 1.

But they were also very, uh. ...Not the circumstances you'd expect to see often, being white room fights. Like here that kind of analysis is completely irrelevant.

 

[eaglejarl]

Interlude: Chosen for the Grave, Part 28: A Quick Visit Home​

"Hm...probably want a thermobaric," I muttered to myself, jotting a note. "Coordinates, coordinates..." I pondered, then snapped my fingers. "Pinhole viewing rifts! Yes!" I pumped my fist, then promptly frowned. "Hm. What about the beach?" I frowned harder, tapping my pencil furiously. (Quills and brushes suuuucked. I had finally gotten around to making a seal that ground up wood and coal and spat out pencils.)

A delicate hand slid onto my shoulder and a sweet young voice said, "Hey there, Uncle Earl."

I yelped and triggered my jump harness, flinging me out of the chair and away. I bounced clumsily off the ceiling, smacking my head hard in the process, and collapsed to the ground.

My sweet little thirteen-year-old 'niece' Honoka lost the charming smile she'd been wearing and put her fists on her hips, glaring at me. "What was that all about?"

Laughter pealed through the room and we both looked over to find Mari standing in the door, laughing her ass off.

"What?! I did it right!" Honoka demanded. "I was careful! I didn't do the sexy thing and I didn't try to intimidate him or anything!"

Mari managed to collect herself enough that she could come over and help me to my feet, running a quick medical jutsu over my aching head. A sense of cool numbness washed away the metaphorical stabbing icepick that had buried itself in my skull.

"There you go," she said, smiling warmly at me. "That should numb the pain a bit until you can get a real doctor to look at you. I don't think it's anything serious." She turned to Honoka. "Now, what did you do wrong?"

"Nothing! I just said hello!"

"Yes, but you did it by making physical contact without previously alerting him. You could have simply knocked."

"You said that he's touch-oriented and easier to control with moderate and appropriate amounts of physical affection!"

I opened my mouth to say something, closed it, and glared at Mari.

The redhead sighed and gave Honoka a speaking look. "Honoka, that's not what I said at all. We don't 'control' our relatives. It's rude. Yes, Earl is touch-oriented and appreciates a hug or pat on the hand. I mentioned that as an example of one type of person, and opposed it to Kei, who has gotten a lot better over the years but will still be made uncomfortable by contact. Also, again: you could have simply knocked instead of startling him."

"But—"

"Leaving aside this whole concept of how you're receiving lessons in manipulating me," I began tartly, "why are you here?"

Honoka glowered. "Never mind. Once the social context has been disrupted there's no point in asking favors. I need to withdraw as smoothly as possible and make a better attempt later, ideally using a display of embarrassment and an apology as a way in."

I turned to face Mari and gave her a very speaking look. "Mari, are you training Honoka as a social spec infiltrator?"

She looked shocked and placed a hand on her chest in exaggerated innocence. "Would I do such a thing?"

"In a heartbeat."

"Well, all right, perhaps. She was interested, I figured I'd explain a few little things. Mostly to help with normal social interactions, actually. She's still...a bit of an outlier in that area. And no, we're not going to do the 'S' part of I&S. As you would say: all the ick."

I tried to figure out what to say to that and came up with absolutely nothing.

"Yeah, okay, whatever," I said at last. "Honoka, just tell me what it was you wanted."

Honoka looked to Mari, received a nod, sighed, and turned back to me with a sudden and winning smile. She clasped her hands in front of herself, looked shy, and said, "I...I was hoping to ask if I could come with you on Thursday?"

"Nope."

"Please?" Her eyes got very big and soulful.

I couldn't help myself; I laughed. The soulful eyes narrowed in irritation, the smile disappeared, the hands unclasped, and she glared at me.

"It's not funny!"

"It's a little funny. You seriously tried to run an I&S mission to get me to take you back to Earth? Really?"

She had the grace to look uncomfortable. "Well...Aunty Mari said it would be a good low-stakes exercise. That you were unlikely to get mad and it was a goal I could attempt multiple times until I got it right."

Mari took a deep breath and let it out slowly, clearly reaching for calm. "Honoka."

"What?" said the girl in question. "You told me that it was important to be known for honesty and openness!"

Mari rubbed her forehead. "Yes, sweetie. That doesn't mean you need to volunteer everything. Being open about certain information can cause its own issues."

"Like how now I'm now aware that she's trying to run game on me and I'll be on my guard from now on?"

"Yes, exactly."

"And also that I now know you're teaching her how to run game on me and thus the thought that I should be more on my guard around you might come to mind?"

"Even more yes. And no, I have never used my training to manipulate you, Earl. Family doesn't do that." She hesitated. "Well, I've never used any of the intentional techniques. Depends on how broadly you interpret 'my training', I guess. A lot of who I am is a result of the training and I can't turn that part off." She gave me a Gallic 'what can you do' shrug.

"Sure. Honoka, there is no way I am ever taking you to Earth."

o-o-o-o​

I sighed as we stepped through the portal to Earth.

"Remember," I said, "you promised that you would stick by my side and do what I tell you. Right?"

She looked up at me, her face sunny and excited as she nodded. "Absolutely!"

"Do you remember why you need to do what I tell you?"

"Because Earth is dangerous in ways that I won't immediately recognize and if I cause too much trouble you won't be able to come back here yourself much less bring me with you again in the future and that you like your apartment and really don't want to have to move and it would be very hard to explain to your family why you moved without lying to them which is something you don't want to do?"

"You could have just said yes, but at least I know you were listening. So you're going to do it, right?"

"Oh, absolutely!"

Thus unreassured, I set off down the street to my apartment. I was going to stop there briefly, pick up the mail, give Honoka a bowl of ice cream from my freezer (there had been a suggestion of going for ice cream which I had instantly nixed because I wasn't letting Honoka stay on Earth for more than ten minutes if it could possibly be avoided and damn I wished I could find a rift that opened directly into my apartment instead of into an alley two blocks away), and then we were going home to Leaf. I had learned my lesson on not picking up the mail for a few days; if your mailbox got full, the post office would decide you didn't live there anymore, take everything out, hold it for ten days, and then send it all back to the sender. Given that I had an apartment-building-sized mail box (i.e., one barely big enough for a mouse) and got the usual amount of junk mail, it was important to pick up the mail at least every other day.

Honoka bounced along at my side, head on a swivel as she gulped down the excitement that was a New York City street. It was Chelsea so the sidewalks weren't as packed as they would be in Chinatown or parts of the East Village, but it was still unlike anything she had seen before. The cars whizzing past were a constant fascination for her, one that was only partially stymied by the fact that I was insisting on walking on the inside, between her and the curb. Last thing I needed was her darting out into traffic. Granted, that was more of a Golden Retriever thing than a teenage ninja thing, but grumble grumble it was Honoka grumble grumble.

She stopped all of a sudden, staring in the window of the building we were walking past.

"What's that?" she asked, moving closer until her nose was pressed against the glass, hands cupped around her eyes to cut out the glare.

'Rock New York' the sign said. Through the giant sheet of glass (smoother and clearer and vastly larger than any she had seen before), we could see a bunch of people climbing up walls, some of them with harnesses and belay ropes. A couple hundred people were packed onto one of the nearer bouldering mats, waiting their turn.

"It's a rock climbing gym," I explained. "They make plastic holds which they bolt to the wall in various ways that we call 'routes'. People go there for exercise and try to climb the routes."

Honoka looked at me as though I'd said the sun was green. "What?"

"The routesetters bolt plastic holds to the wall, people try to climb them."

"But...why?"

"For fun and exercise. Look, my place is on the next block. Let's—"

"Wait, isn't five thousand dollars a lot of money?" she asked, pointing at a sign in the window.

'Rock New York comp! $5,000 prize!' it said.

I suddenly got a very bad feeling and reached for Honoka's arm. "Yes, it is. Now, the apartment is just down here, so let's— Oh hell."

She had, of course, dodged away from my hand and darted inside.

It really should not have been possible for her to get inside, get signed up for the competition, and get to the bouldering wall in the time it took me to open the door and chase after her. Really shouldn't have been. But, of course, it somehow was.

I went to jump on the mat to grab her, but a guy with a staff badge stepped in front of me.

"Sorry, sir," he said with a customer service smile. "I'm afraid it's competitors only on the main-room mats today. If you'd like to go to one of the side rooms, those are open. Or you can sign up...?"

"I'm just grabbing my niece," I said, pointing to where Honoka was currently using chakra adhesion to run up a V10 competition boulder. "We've got an appointment in ten minutes and we're going to be late."

Honoka dropped off the wall and sprinted (at, of course, ninja speeds) to the next boulder down the line. This one was a silly little easy-peasy warm-up boulder with big easy holds and even I could have climbed it the civilian way. She didn't bother using her feet, preferring instead to swing from one hold to the next like an obnoxious little gibbon. The crowd was oohing and aahing and clapping. Dozens of phones were pointed at her.

Honoka, knowing how to play to a crowd, reached the top of the boulder, put her feet on the wall, and launched herself out and away. I tensed up, breath catching in fear that she was definitely going to land on someone in the crowd, but no. She turned a neat flip in midair and latched onto the top of one of the boulders across the way. It was another one of the difficult ones, meaning that it ended on a tiny little two-handed crimp which she, obviously, nailed. Then she downclimbed the entire route and went back up it the correct direction, much to the delighted shock of the judge standing there with his clipboard.

I sighed and rubbed my head. I was going to have to move.

---

Recently, there's been a discovery on how to generate wackadoodle amounts of chakra for the upcoming battle, and also a debate that there shouldn't be a battle and instead simply an instant wipe of Akatsuki and all their little minions too. (An argument that I personally am not yet convinced of but definitely can't dismiss out of hand.) In short, y'all have thrown everything into chaos and invalidated all our prep work again (sigh, dramatic gestures, sigh, wagging finger, shame, shame) and therefore you're getting an interlude today and Sunday so that we poor benighted QMs can have time to redo everything.

Voting will remain open until the usual time next week (Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025 at 7:00 AM. At that point, assuming y'all can stop causing chaos and destruction, er, coming up with new ideas, we'll do the work and try to have an actual chapter by Sunday the 25th. That will be a short session so hopefully we won't have to do an interlude then as well but brace yourself for the possibility.

Sidebar: my apartment-dwelling friends should take Earl's little adventure with the mail to heart. It's embarrassing to go down to the local postal distribution center and tell them that you're a doofus who didn't think to check his mail for a few days and could they please start delivering again?

 

[T_of_A]

there shouldn't be a battle and instead simply an instant wipe of Akatsuki and all their little minions too

Click to shrink...

There is an obvious solution to this, by the way. Akatsuki would have considered it too, because they know that massive aerial bombardment is a possibility.

What if their fortress was just really huge ? Akatsuki could have a huge fortress full of supplies for rift-delving, and they could be using it as a layer of concealment too. You can't assassinate or easily alpha-strike them if their fortress is ten zones wide and mostly empty, giving attackers good odds of obliterating empty rooms and giving the essies some time to buff up or escape.

Although "their fortress is really huge" is less of a problem for us if we can produce massive amounts of RERs... Hehe

 

[Cariyaga]

There is an obvious solution to this, by the way. Akatsuki would have considered it too, because they know that massive aerial bombardment is a possibility.

What if their fortress was just really huge ? Akatsuki could have a huge fortress full of supplies for rift-delving, and they could be using it as a layer of concealment too. You can't assassinate or easily alpha-strike them if their fortress is ten zones wide and mostly empty, giving attackers good odds of obliterating empty rooms and giving the essies some time to buff up or escape.

Although "their fortress is really huge" is less of a problem for us if we can produce massive amounts of RERs... Hehe

Click to shrink...

Alas, Endou would have noticed that and relayed it to us beforehand, thus allowing us to change our plans appropriately.

 

[Byzantine]

The scale of RER is vastly higher than that of explosive tags. I would image they've made the fortress effectively immune to conventional explosive tags, but these are each closer to one of deidara's ultimate attacks, which they have no reason to believe anyone else is capable of. Let alone doing so from thin air with absolutely no warning.