Chapter 263: The Prodigal Son Returns
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
"Knock, knock?" Hazō called, completely redundantly with the fact that he was simultaneously actually knocking on Uzumaki Naruto's hospital-room door.
"C'mon in!"
The voice was reassuringly bright and bubbly...or, at least, it was trying to be. There was a quaver underneath it that made the hair on Hazō's neck stand on end.
Nonetheless, he pushed the door open and stepped inside with a smile, Noburi and Keiko following along behind.
The young man in the bed was their own age-ish; it was hard to tell. He had a messy haystack of blond hair, bright blue eyes that were red from crying, a shapeless long-sleeved hospital gown that disguised his body, and a friendly smile. There was screaming horror behind those tear-reddened eyes and his right hand was out of sight under the blankets. Probably holding a weapon.
"Hi," Hazō said in the same low and calming voice that he used when Kagome-sensei had a nightmare. He raised empty hands in a gesture of peace. "I'm Hazō. This is my brother, Noburi, and my sister, Keiko. You sent for us...? We were told to let you rest, so if you're tired then we'll leave you alone."
"Nah," the boy said. "I'm going stir crazy, and it was...good to get that letter. Come in."
Hazō stepped slowly closer, empty hands in clear sight, and sank into the chair next to the bed while Noburi and Keiko took up station against the wall—
"Hey!" Noburi yelped, turning left to face the door; he had finally stepped far enough from it and turned enough that his peripheral vision was able to catch sight of the ninja clinging to the ceiling above the door, a spinning vortex of chakra in one hand.
The ninja in question opened his hand, allowing the vortex to dissolve, and dropped to the floor. He ran his now-empty hand through his messy haystack of blond hair, then leaned casually back against the door with the sole of one foot against it, his arms crossed over his chest, and a smug grin on his face. The hospital gown still disguised his body, but the leg that Hazō could see was disturbingly thin, all traces of ninja musculature gone.
"Keep your pants on," the ceiling-ninja said, smiling. "I just wanted to make sure you weren't a threat. Alpha, thanks. I'll take my chakra back now."
"No worries, Boss. See you never," said the young man in the bed, before vanishing in a puff of smoke.
The actual Uzumaki Naruto offered the Gōketsu a nod. "So. You're the Gōketsu kids."
"Right," Hazō said. "Okay, I don't know how much you know about us...?"
"Gōketsu Hazō, Noburi, and Keiko," Uzumaki said, nodding to each of them in turn. "Formerly Kurosawa, Wakahisa, and Mori. Fled Mist on May 25, 1067, probably as a result of being tricked by Gorō Dan, also known as Shikigami. Helped to found the so-called Village Hidden in the Swamp, which was subsequently wiped out by a Mist task force led by Momochi Zabuza and escorted by forces from Leaf with Uncle Jiraiya at their head. Through a tragic series of missteps in the Swamp that could not possibly have been foreseen or prevented in any way, a large fraction of the Mist task force was killed either by the Swamp itself or during the battle with the traitors.
"The three genin and their teacher, Inoue Mari, faked their deaths and escaped some time before the battle. They dropped off the map until Uncle Jiraiya showed up and recruited them to investigate the so-called Liberator, a fake prophet funded by Mist as part of a false-flag operation intended to give them a toehold on the continent. The team was successful at that, although they suffered significant injuries in the process. Uncle Jiraiya took them to 'That Obnoxious Old Witch'—his words—to get their injuries taken care of, then gave them each an open-ended reward. Mori Keiko asked for advice, so he gave her a tip as to where to find the Pangolin Summoning Scroll, warning her that there was probably nothing to find and that it would be risky. He had expected that nothing would turn up and that he would claim that he had no further obligations but out of the goodness of his heart and because he was such a great guy he would offer her some jutsu and money as a replacement reward, thereby setting the idea that he was a valuable contact, a reliable business partner, and a good boss. To his amazement, they found the Scroll.
"From there they went to Hot Springs and caused an international incident that allowed Mist to take the place over with the fig leaf of 'offering protection in case of another terrorist attack'. Uncle Jiraiya got the group together and sent them to bring in the insane biosealer—" Hazō's deception-trained eyes caught the microexpression of fear that flashed across Uzumaki's face; the slight hitch in his voice was noticeable to all three of them, but Uzumaki continued after a moment as though nothing had happened. "—the insane biosealer Arikada Sugako in order to buy their way back into his good graces. They succeeded at this mission, albeit with one member heavily injured, and were allowed to stay in Leaf for a time in order to receive more medical care and jutsu as their rewards. They began to forge positive bonds with Team Asuma. Later, Kurosawa Hazō threatened a senior Leaf doctor, causing the entire team to be thrown into an explosive cell. Uncle Jiraiya very nearly killed them but was talked down at the last moment. He allowed them to remain for a couple days to...to finish their training, then tossed them out. Some time later, they came back and sold us the skywalker seals, their bloodlines, and the utility of another Summoner in exchange for being adopted into the brand-new Gōketsu clan with Jiraiya as its head. The clan had not yet been formed when we left for Noodle, but Uncle Jiraiya...."
He paused, his face crumpling for just an instant and his breathing getting ragged before he wiped his arm across his eyes and cleared his throat. "But Uncle Jiraiya said that he was going to form the clan as soon as we got back, with him as the Clan Head and me as the heir and sole other member." He grinned, the poorly-hidden grief and fear momentarily vanishing as a million pranks and years of mischief flashed forth from his eyes. "When I was a kid we used to talk about me adopting him into the Uzumaki, but that was a non-starter. As the last of the blood I'm the Clan Head. He used to say 'The Sage will come back and dance naked on a table before I will take orders from you, brat.'" He paused again, pretending to cough in order to hide his face for a moment, then cleared his throat and continued. "Anyway, we figured we'd come back and he would form the Gōketsu with just the two of us. The Noble Clans wouldn't care too much, since me giving up the Uzumaki name would mean that it was a dead clan and would lose its seat at the Council table. Framing it as a reward to the two of us for the amazing feat of killing that rat bastard Yagura and all his strongest ninja, it would have been a shoo-in. The minute that the bastards signed the paperwork we were going to have you guys brought in and adopt you right in front of them, while the ink on the Clan formation documents was still wet." He laughed. "It would have been hilarious."
The laugh faded and the smile slipped away. "I guess we see how well that worked out."
"So, you know a little bit," Hazō said offering a small smile that he was glad to see drew a response. "You got the note that we left with the nurse?"
Uzumaki pulled Jiraiya's scroll out of a pocket of his gown and wordlessly held it up.
"He left me the Gōketsu Clan Head seat," he said calmly. "You understand that?"
"Yes," Noburi said. "We get it, and we're okay with it. Honestly, we're more worried that you won't want us. I...I was really starting to care for Jiraiya, and losing him hurts. It's got to be so much worse for you, and we've never met, so...."
Uzumaki's eyes suddenly glistened; he wiped his arm across them and then plastered a smile across his face. "Yeah, well, we might not have met, but he told me the plan before we left for Noodle, so I've had a few months to get used to the idea that we would be family." The grin twisted a little. "Granted, for most of it I was unconscious, suffering from malnutrition and dehydration, and recovering from horrific torture, but what's a few details between family, amirite?"
"Oh good," Hazō said. "I'm glad. Um...I mean, I'm glad about the 'being used to the idea' part, not the other part. Um...sorry." He fidgeted for a moment, then decided there was nothing better than to plunge on. "I really did not know what to expect here...I wanted to honor Jiraiya's wishes, but I also didn't want you to feel like you were being pressured or...well, suffice to say that my head has been full of a lot of different ways this conversation could play out, and most of them were bad." He hesitated. "I...don't really know where to go from here. I want to make this happen, but I don't know enough about the politics or the law involved, or exactly how you're feeling about it. Is there paperwork, or do you just move into the master bedroom at the Gōketsu compound, or what? More importantly—"
Hazō stopped and forced himself to center. "Okay, we have this thing we do called Clear Communication Technique. It's where both parties say precisely what they're thinking as clearly as possible, avoiding implication and subtext in favor of spelling everything out in the most value-neutral terms possible. The goal is to avoid misunderstandings or accidental offense. Would you mind if I tried it now?"
Naruto laughed, an honest and clear laugh. "Uncle said you guys were weird. Go for it."
"Okay," Hazō said, gathering his thoughts. "My reaction to the current situation is extremely tangled, and I hope you'll bear with me while I pick it apart.
"I'm excited at the idea of having a new brother; growing up it was just me and my mother, so family is precious to me. I'm also worried that you may not like us, or that we will find that our goals and values are extremely misaligned, making it difficult to be in a clan with you at its head. Additionally, I'm afraid that we will be a reminder of Jiraiya that will cause you pain, or that our status as foreigners and former missing-nin will damage your political career, or make you mistrust us.
"Speaking of politics, there are a lot of political concerns going on right now. On the one hand, I'm afraid to bring these up because this is our first meeting and I care more about establishing good relations with you, my new family member, than I do about the politics. I worry that if I bring them up then I'll seem like I'm being opportunistic and attempting to exploit you. On the other hand, I'm afraid to let them sit for too long, as I fear that some dangers might become irreversible if not dealt with quickly. Separately, my head is buzzing with a thousand questions that I want to ask you—about Leaf, and Jiraiya, and Lord Third, and your signature jutsu which fascinates me more than I can express. I'm aware that a flood of questions is off-putting and I'm trying to make a good impression, so I'm keeping my mouth shut, but I should warn you that it is almost physically painful to do so and I'm not sure how long I'll manage it so please tell me to stop if you need to. My most significant fear, however, is that I remember the time I tried and failed at using the Clear Communication Technique with Minami, our temporary squad leader. She did not accept that I was in fact being sincere, and therefore I ended up doing more harm than good. I'm worried that the same thing will happen here."
He looked up from where he'd been staring at his hands, only to find Uzumaki's face crinkled up with twinkles in his eyes.
"Are you done?" Uzumaki asked calmly.
"Yes?"
Uzumaki burst out laughing. It took several seconds for him to regain control, but then he stepped forward and clapped Hazō on the shoulder. "We're going to do fine, bro. And call me Naruto." He looked over at the other two, still standing by the wall at the foot of the bed. "Same to both of you." He looked from one to the other, then cocked his head. "Hey, Noburi, I thought you were supposed to be the smooth one? How come you're letting Mr. MEW here do all the talking?"
Hazō groaned, Noburi laughed, and Keiko very slightly smiled for a moment.
"He's a bit of an idiot, but he's good at the whole 'inspirational speeches' thing," Noburi said with a shrug. "Our typical solution is to get together in advance, carefully work out a precise script that the doofiest of doofuses could follow, then watch as he goes completely off the road. At which point I will of course step in and save the day."
"Heh. And you, Ms Keiko-if-you-don't-mind-first-names? I'm guessing you do most of that planning and then give him the Stern Eyebrow of Displeasure when he goes offscript?"
Keiko lips twitched in something that might have been a smile. "I am comfortable with you using my first name, Naruto. Speaking more precisely, I notate holes in the plans produced by my more effervescent siblings."
Naruto's eyes got big and doe-like. "But...but aren't I your most efferthingy sibling?" He kept his eyes on Keiko but leaned sideways toward Hazō and stage-whispered out of the corner of his mouth, "What does 'effervescent' mean?"
Keiko snorted and gave Naruto a very schoolmarmish look, mixed lightly with amusement. "I see that, to my great sorrow, you will fit right in."
Naruto grinned and jumped onto the bed, bouncing twice before settling down crosslegged. Hazō was alarmed at how little the mattress moved and what it said about the casually-dismissed topic of malnutrition. "Okay, I've been checking around, and from what I've gathered—"
"Hang on," Noburi said. "We were told you've been locked up in this hospital room since you got back."
Naruto grinned and placed his fingers in the position of a cross. "The awesome thing about being Uz...Gōketsu Naruto, is—Multiple Shadow Clone Technique!—that Gōketsu Naruto is so awesome!" The last phrase came out in perfectly-synchronized quadrophonic sound as the original and the three new clones spoke in tandem. The three then promptly vanished in a puff of rapidly-dispersing orange smoke.
"Really?" Keiko said. "I am given to understand that the Multiple Shadow Clone jutsu requires a truly inordinate amount of chakra. Are you frequently so wastefully prodigal with your chakra as to pointlessly spend it on juvenile party tricks?"
"Multiple Shadow Clone Technique! Yes/Yes/Yes/we/we/we/are/are/are!" Poof! Poof! Poof!
Keiko's eyes narrowed but she said nothing.
"Fair warning," Noburi said, "if you push her too far you may find yourself being squished by an air-dropped pangolin. Or, worse, she might decide to get creative."
"Ooooh," Naruto said, eyes wide. "Pranks, huh? Bring it on, sis."
Any trace of amusement vanished from Keiko's manner. "Do not call me that."
"What? 'Sis'?"
"Correct."
"Well, what should I call you then?"
"You may call me Keiko. Or 'Your Dread Imperial Majesty'. Either one is fine."
"Okay, sis."
Keiko's eyes narrowed and the room grew colder.
"Saw that coming," Noburi muttered, only to back away quickly with hands raised placatingly when Keiko glared at him.
"On less life-threatening topics," he said quickly. "Perhaps we could talk about the Hokageship?"
"Ooh, yeah," Naruto said, leaning back on his hands. "That's gonna suck. SUA is a lock unless we do something clever."
Hazō frowned. "SUA?"
"Yeah, 'Stick Up Ass'. Also known as Dickface, Asshat, Mr. Giant Ass, and various other things as they come to mind. You've probably met him. Basically a walking sphincter with white eyeballs that he thinks mean his shit don't stink?"
Noburi snorted.
"If we may get back on topic," Keiko said, "how are we going to stop Hyūga from gaining the hat?"
"Well, I've only had a few hours to look around and talk to people, and it's tricky because my face is pretty well known and I suck at disguise." He paused, frowning for a moment, then shook the momentary thought away. "Anywho, my point was that my information is mostly based off how things were before we left for Noodle, which was before you guys smashed into Leaf like a rock into a pond and started making ripples everywhere."
He sat up again so he could tick points off on his fingers. "SUA's going to put himself forward for the hat, obviously." He flipped a hand briefly as though throwing away an irrelevant point. "Well, I mean, he'll probably have one of his bootlickers actually make the nomination, but same diff. Someone will probably put Chōza forward too. He's a hero of the Battle and the last survivor of the ISC—"
"You call them that too, huh?" asked Noburi, grinning.
"Well, duh!" Naruto replied. "I mean, life is short, right? Who's got time to be saying 'Inō-Shika-Chō' all the time? Yeesh.
"Anyway, as the last survivor of the ISC heads, Chōza'll probably get put forward. He'll hate the idea, but he'll take the hat if it's the only way to keep Le Grande Butthead from getting it. He won't vote for himself though, which is a little tricky." He cocked his head, staring at the ceiling in thought. "Cousin Asuma would make a good choice. Grandpa's son, survivor of the Battle, calm and diplomatic. Not as powerful as some of the other candidates, which will work against him. Someone will put Auntie in the ring, and be real quiet about who it was for fear she'll punch them into next century." He spread his arms, the already-familiar grin stretched wide across his face. "And, of course, there's me! The one, the only, the Mighty Naruto! Trained since birth for the job, Jinchūriki of the Nine-Taled Demon Fox, seven times Hero of the Leaf!"
"Or," Keiko said drily, "said more honestly, a fifteen-year-old chūnin with massive psychological damage who his opponents will claim may have been brainwashed by the enemies of the Leaf and is now choosing to join with a clan of former missing-nin whose current leader made a fool of himself in front of the entire Elemental Nations during the tournament, with a speech the naïveté of which cannot be overemphasized."
Naruto blew a raspberry at her. "Are you always such a stick in the mud?"
"Nah," Noburi said. "Sometimes she's terrifying."
"Naruto..." Keiko said carefully. "As Hazō said, it is very important to the three of us that we establish good relations with you." She paused, thinking. "Excuse me, that was incorrect, as it implies a purely mercenary motive. I should say that we very much want to establish good relations with you, since we want you to join our clan and become part of our family." She grimaced. "Although I can already see that you and I will have our...challenges. Regardless. My bloodline and my training make me good at logical analysis and therefore my role on this team is to analyze the plans put forward by my more proactive, and generally idiotic, brother."
"And by her sensible brother," Noburi interjected. "That would be me, in case you were confused."
"Thank you, Noburi. As I was saying. It is my job to analyze the plans put forth by others and to point out the flaws and weaknesses therein. I have noticed that this can be an uncomfortable process, since—"
"Spit it out, sis," Naruto said. "Don't need the windup, thanks."
Keiko gave him a sour glare, but nodded. "Fine. First, do you actually want the Hokageship? Second, do you believe that you are able to perform the duties implicit therein? You are visibly suffering from trauma and grief, to the point where even I am capable of noticing the signs. It seems probable to me that...'SUA'"—she grimaced but said the name gamely enough—"will be able to use these things against you. Would it perhaps be better to wait and run for Hokage later? You are still young, and with the relatively low power level of most of the candidates plus the looming global war, it is reasonable to believe that a new Hokage will be needed soon after this one is chosen."
Naruto's grin got wider but, to Hazō's eyes, more fragile. "Of course I want it! I've known since before I could walk that I'd be the most super-amazing Hokage ever. They're going to have to make another cliff, even bigger than Hokage Monument, just so they can build the Naruto Monument! And of course I can do the job. Grandpa and Uncle have...."
His face twitched in pain and he stopped talking. His eyes dropped to the scroll in his lap; his right forefinger was stroking it unconsciously. He sat like that, head down, moving nothing but that one finger, for several long seconds and then let out a shuddering breath and wiped at his eyes.
"'I am the God of Shinobi because I face my limitations'," he quoted softly. He sighed. "Sage's curse upon it. I'm not going to be able to cut it, am I?"
"No," Keiko said, her voice surprisingly gentle. "Not now, at least. I'm sorry."
Naruto sagged. "Balls."
The other three waited, saying nothing, as the (probably) most powerful ninja in Leaf slowly gave up his dreams...or, at least, put them on hold.
Naruto once again wiped the moisture from his eyes, then looked around at the three of them, grim determination on his face. "Fine. Maybe we put me forward as a spoiler if the vote looks tight, but maybe not. Either way, SUA is not getting the fucking hat. If he wins it, I'll cram it up his ass myself." His normally happy face flashed anger for just a moment. "Did you know, after they won the battle and Pain was dealt with, that son of a bitch said that us jinchūriki were 'too dangerous to be allowed to roam free'?"
All three—rather, the other three Gōketsu exchanged looks. "We did not know that," Hazō said.
"I did," said Keiko. "Shikamaru briefed me based on what Lord Akimichi told him. They both believed that Hyūga was playing 'Bad ANBU' to the others' 'Good ANBU'."
"Yeah, well, I'm sure he tried to spin it that way afterwards," Naruto said, grumpily. "The Mizukage shut him down before he could get to any specific ideas. I was a little too out of it to tell if anyone else agreed with him, but he said it." He smiled again, this one cold and grim. "Grandpa would be very disappointed with me if I assassinated a Clan Head. Uncle would think about it and then eventually decide it was a bad idea. So, fine. I won't kill the bastard." His gaze drifted off into an unknowable future.
Hazō considered the implications of having a brother who could sound so confident, and convincing, about his ability to kill the head of the Hyūga Clan. And, also, was choosing not to do it only because his now-dead grandfather would disapprove.
"Anyway," Naruto continued, coming back from his clearly murderous fantasies, "the Inuzuka will probably back Asshat out of loyalty to the village and traditions and blah blah blah jerkfaces. Asshat will be sure that the Uchiha show up to vote, and they'll go his way because they're afraid of being wiped out otherwise. He's got Kyoshō and Kurusu in his pocket, so they'll go for him.
"Motoyoshi, Amori, Hagoromo...they'll probably go his way. They've got commercial interests funded by the Hyūga and Uncle was pretty sure there was blackmail involved too. It's buried deep enough that he never managed to suss out the details, but he wasn't usually wrong about that kind of thing. Maybe we could pry them loose, but it's sure not a sure thing, if you get me."
"Sure," Hazō said, smiling. He was pleased when Naruto chuckled at the very weak joke.
"The Aburame probably vote for Asshat unless given a reason not to," Naruto continued. "It's a combo of things—loyalty on prior voting records and admitting that he would be a great candidate if he weren't a elitist asshat who want to keep Leaf isolated because ew icky foreigners! SUA's powerful, those annoying eyeballs make him great at information gathering, and he's got enough force of personality that he can talk most people into most stuff. Unfortunately, he sucks at making friends. Like, sucks to an annoying degree."
"I will note," Keiko said with a tiny smile on her lips, "that your poor grammar annoys me."
"Hey, I have super grammar! I am the grammar Hokage!"
"The indefinite article is 'an' when it precedes a vowel. The word is 'combination', not 'combo'. The correct verb form is 'wants' when used in the third person. Finally, a potential Hokage has no business using the phrase 'it sucks'. It is immature."
Naruto blew a long, wet raspberry at her. "Fussy, fussy, sis. All the peoples knows what I mean when I talks."
Keiko winced and rubbed her forehead as though in pain.
"So," Noburi said before things could escalate. "Sounds like Asshat has at least nine votes out of...?" He glanced at Keiko.
"Seventeen, presuming that the Senju and Uzumaki are actually voting clans."
"We are," Naruto said. "Aunty Sunny hardly never shows up"—he grinned at Keiko's glower—"but she technically has a vote. Proxies aren't allowed, though. You actually need to be in the room to cast your vote." He laughed. "It's funny how often critical and urgent votes would come up while I was out on a mission. Always proposed by someone in Dickface's pocket, too." He shrugged. "It's possible that Dickface or one of his butt-kissers will propose a vote to strip our voting rights in advance of the election. His argument would be that the Senju are a dead clan, since the only living member is a woman past childbearing age. For me...dunno. Probably they'd argue that the Fox's chakra may have contaminated my seed and therefore I will not be able to have healthy children, or my children might be possessed or something. If I can't have kids then the Uzumaki are also a dead clan and wouldn't get a vote."
Noburi paled. "Could he do that?"
"I do—" Naruto paused, surprised at a yawn sneaking up on him. "Sorry. I doubt he could pull it off. No matter what he says, we're technically living clans right now since there is still a Senju and an Uzumaki. Given who we are and who our clans are, it's very unlikely that he could convince a majority of the others." He snorted. "Besides, if he tried it then Aunt Sunny would punch him so hard he wouldn't hit the ground for a week."
"Good to know," Hazō said thoughtfully. "So he's got nine out of seventeen. That's bad but not awful. If we can get a consensus on the other side and then swing one vote we're good."
"What is the outcome if one Clan Head abstains, resulting in a tie?" Keiko asked.
Naruto shrugged helplessly. "Normally? The Hokage breaks it. I'm not sure what happens in this case."
"You mentioned that if you join another clan then the Uzumaki lose their vote..." Hazō said carefully.
"Yeah, yeah," Naruto said, waving dismissively. "Obviously I don't join the Gōketsu until after the vote. And maybe we can figure some way to keep the Uzumaki alive so we keep the vote." He raised a stern finger. "I'm joining Gōketsu, though! It was Uncle Jiraiya's dying wish that I boss you all ar—erm, that I join the clan that he created and rule it with all of the skill and training that he knew I had."
Hazō sighed and rolled his eyes.
Naruto dropped his hand back to the bed; Hazō frowned slightly. Had there been a slight tremor in the arm before it so-casually dropped?
"In seriousness," Naruto said, looking at Hazō and taking a deep breath. "If I'm not competent to be Hokage, then I'm probably not competent to be a Clan Head. Hang on! Don't get too excited there, Mr. MEW. I'm still taking the seat. I've got way better PR in Leaf than you guys do, and having me as the nominal head will go a long way towards legitimizing the Gōketsu. Still, at least for a while I'll probably have to leave most of the day-to-day stuff to you, if that's cool."
"It's cool," Hazō replied, smiling. "I've got some ideas. Like, first of all, there's the subject of—"
"I note that we have not actually confirmed the votes of the other eight clans," Keiko said quickly. "Naruto has named nine votes for Hyūga. Opposed to him will be the Gōketsu, the Ino-Shika-Chō, the Uzumaki, and the Senju. I am guessing the Sarutobi and the Minami will also oppose him."
"You nails it, sis." His eyes twinkled as Keiko clenched her fists and gritted her teeth.
"Which of the swing votes would we do best to target?" Hazō asked.
Naruto rubbed his ear in thought and then waggled one hand back and forth. "The Inuzuka would change their vote if they were convinced that Asshat was a bad choice. They're loyal to Leaf and will do what they think is best for it, damn the consequences. Hagomoro's only going for Brainless because they've got leverage on him based on some loans from the Sucktastic Collective—and yes, Keiko, that refers to the Hyūga Clan. Anyway, Dickface has ridden those loans pretty hard over the years, and the Hagoromo would probably love to screw him if they could get out from under. The Aburame...probably not movable. Not sure about the others. Motoyoshi, could maybe convincing." (Keiko's lips tightened and Naruto's eyes twinkled.) "They've always been tight with the Kyoshō and the Amori, and they've apparently blocked up since Uncle Jiraiya stomped his way into the hat. Give them a few generations, they might actually be the next ISC. It would be hard to pry them apart, but maybe not impossible. The Kyoshō are a little more xenophobic than the others, so they'll be on Asshat's policies like jam on soup."
"Toast," Keiko muttered. Everyone chose not to take note—Naruto because it would have spoiled his fun and the other two boys because the idea of being ground zero at a fight between the Nine-Tails host and the Pangolin Summoner sounded like absolutely no fun at all.
"Who are our actual candidates?" Noburi asked. "Hyūga wants it, certainly. You don't, although you said you're willing to go in as a spoiler but you're not going to take it. Lady Tsunade will get put forward but made it clear to us that she doesn't want the job. Lord Akimichi, but he doesn't want it either. You mentioned Sarutobi; would he want it?"
Naruto shrugged. "Not sure, actually. I think he'd be good at it, though."
"What's the voting process?" Hazō asked. "Show of hands, or what?"
Naruto grinned. "Nah, it's way more wicked cool than that. You know how clans have crests, right? Back in the Warring Clans Era people used to raid each other's encampments a lot, and they'd wear their crests while they were doing it—unless they wore someone else's, of course. Clans would usually have their crest on a banner in the center of the camp as a mark of pride. Sometimes, when a clan showed up for a big raid, they would bring a banner of their own. Anyway, when Senju and Uchiha joined forces other clans ended up facing them across battlefields and seeing their clan crests and banners. They decided to throw in with the growing power, adding their own banners to the crowd. Nowadays, elections for Hokage are done like that, symbolically. Each candidate puts their banner out, then everyone stands next to the banner of the person they want. If someone has a majority, they win. If not, the person with the fewest votes gets eliminated and you revote until someone has a majority."
"Interesting," Hazō murmured, his eyes distant as he pondered ways to game that system.
Naruto suddenly blinked and twitched slightly. "Aw, man," he said. "I ran out of energy just as that convo was getting good. Auntie Saya was all set to tell me...never mind. Sage's ballsack, I hate being so weak!" He leaned down the far side of the bed and came back up with a bucket full of yellowish pudding with a spoon stuck in it. With a sigh, he began stuffing himself, pausing once to cover a yawn.
"You're beat and my head is full," Hazō said. "Are you okay if we head out? Let you get some sleep while we chew all this over?"
"Thure," Naruto said, the heavily-overloaded pudding spoon still stuck in his mouth. "I'll thee you laydah." He extended one fist to Hazō; the other boy grinned and bumped it with his own...only to snatch it back when Naruto disappeared in a puff of smoke.
XP AWARD: 2
Author's Note: This scene covered well under an hour, but the XP award is high being I enjoyed the fact that you voted in my suggestion of 'Let EJ write whatever he wants. I trust him.' Note that this gratitude is based on having my request granted; proactively voting for that in the future will likely garner an award of 0. Nice try, guys. I'm on to your munchkinly ways. :>
It is now about 1pm on January 3. You are in the Leaf General Hospital, where you have apparently been talking to a Shadow Clone for the last half-hour-ish.
Vote time! What to do now?
Voting ends on Wednesday, May 15, 2019, at 12pm London time.
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