- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
It's spelled 'en fleek' in my area -- I think it's a regional thing. /deadpan.
Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
-
- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard
Aodyssey
The glass will not protecc you
- Location
- Chaldea
In a bit of a callback to marrying Sasuke so we can get Sharingan:
We should marry Shino. In Canon there's bugs raised in Aburame clan bodies that can redistribute chakra - maybe we will be able to use bioseal to make bug versions of the Koi ponds. Then we just literally carry an external chakra system
We should marry Shino. In Canon there's bugs raised in Aburame clan bodies that can redistribute chakra - maybe we will be able to use bioseal to make bug versions of the Koi ponds. Then we just literally carry an external chakra system
- Location
- The Soviet Republic of Canuckistan
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Unfortunately I expect this is not what happens in MfD - either the Aburame have kept it VERY quiet despite the now extremely obvious benefit to Leaf, or they used to have someone who could do it but it's specific to one type of bugs and they're dead.
I guess maybe biosealing would help, but...scribing a tiny seal is hard enough. Biosealing on a beetle seems like it would be very, very hard, and it's not like the Aburame are going to be thrilled about this.
I would totally roll an Aburame for our next character (although that ain't gonna happen, most likely).
- Location
- Can’t say. I know my momentum.
Oh, I thought we'd just take over one of the other PCs if Hazou died. My vote would be for Kei, cause muh lore and Ami privileges.
I think at this point in the necromancy storyline, if we died we'd stick with Hazō into the afterlife. (Though I suppose we might temporarily get to order the other PCs around.)
Hazō Orochimaru-Note-Reader.
The problem with biosealed meat puppets is the puppeteering. Meat puppets are limited by the commands you can feed them and how manually they need to be controlled. In terms of meat puppets, Kurosawa are the best. They come with a lifetime of recorded Iron Nerve motions your bioseal controller can tap into and the ability to replay motions recorded in the future. They practically puppeteer themselves. And they memorize seals or whatever.
The problem with biosealed meat puppets is the puppeteering. Meat puppets are limited by the commands you can feed them and how manually they need to be controlled. In terms of meat puppets, Kurosawa are the best. They come with a lifetime of recorded Iron Nerve motions your bioseal controller can tap into and the ability to replay motions recorded in the future. They practically puppeteer themselves. And they memorize seals or whatever.
- Pronouns
- She/Her/They/Them
AAE, but make it French? I deduce that it means you live in the Québec of the USA, which is... let's say New Orleans. The local spicy cuisine explains why the "pan" is "dead" also
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- Location
- Europa, Jupiter Orbit
Thank you. This makes me very happy. Not the spoons part or the part where you're not getting enough sleep (though I can commiserate due to my sleep schedule not properly working for three weeks now), but for the confirmation that y'all still plan on discussing and including the rest of the previous plan's scenes for us.
Take your time. Even if many of us yearn for the finale of the Akatsuki arc, I do believe that for most the enduring quality of the story and the full exploration of character arcs are a priority over any sentiment to "finally get it over with".
- Location
- USA
The second dome stops expanding when it contacts the walls of the first.
Still Weapons:4.
Come to think of it, is it possible to nest them, or will the 'jet of invisible chakra' be blocked?
- Location
- Europe
Combine it with Stone Storm Barrier, become a flying rock yourself.
Onoki would be proud.
- Location
- Washington, USA
With the right timing, would it be possible to have two expanding force domes intersect simultaneously and form a peanut-shell sort of shape? If the first dome shuts down, does the second resume expanding, or leave a gap?
- Location
- Yes.
QMs: TIAFO
- Location
- Texas
I asked about this before and was told nesting them would still work fine.
- Location
- Europe
If we can make a paper version it would proably be revolutionary.
- Pronouns
- She/Her/They/Them
"Oh no, the Grue ate the concept of spheres because you munchkins made round shapes too complicated"
- Location
- The Soviet Republic of Canuckistan
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Pi is now exactly 4 in the EN.
- Pronouns
- She/Her/They/Them
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
This was in fact the winning move in a university silence competition I once participated in. My physicist friend dauntlessly shrugged off any and all attempts to make him speak until I finally snuck up and whispered in his ear, "Pi is exactly equal to 3".
Is the plan to make it civvie activatabe too? IMO this is about 500x more than we'll ever be able to fit into a seal. Better to focus on other stuff.
- Location
- UK
These are both runes. The idea is that rather than burning out after 5x TN120 explosions, you want to lower the power until the rune never burns out, only expires, since a TN60 Puffer or even lower is fine for dissuading chakra beasts. Keying the Ninja Radar and the Remote Puffer together is a trick, but I don't think it would be beyond Hazō's skill.
I think this is more exciting than a paper version to me because you can passively keep a huge area clean for literal miles and months off a single infusion. Obviously there are practical difficulties like the OPSEC risk, but this already has a detector and explosive functionality, you can probably add a self-destruct if anyone with chakra gets within a few hundred meters.
- Location
- Washington, USA
Have the explosion intensity and/or rate of fire steadily ramp up as stronger chakra sources get closer, or otherwise seem insufficiently deterred, it'll probably burn itself out before it can be studied without needing specific extra functionality for that.
(Hopefully canon) Interlude: After the Rift was Captured...
New
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
(Hopefully canon) Interlude: After the Rift was Captured...
"Hey, kid, I need you to take the Council Meeting tonight," Jiraiya said. "I've got a thing."
"No you don't," Hazō said, grinning. "I've got a thing. Specifically, a date. With two gorgeous women. I did my time and Clan Lording is no longer my problem. It is, to be specific, your problem. Send a shadow clone if you can't go."
Jiraiya glowered at him, an expression of displeasure that bounced right off of Hazō's Shield of Smugness without leaving a mark.
"You know we don't do that," Jiraiya grumbled. "It's one thing for Naruto to do it. He's the jinchūriki and everyone knows they have special powers. We don't use Shadow Clone in the village because we don't want spies to start digging after seeing lots of copies of a non-Naruto person running around."
"Yeah, well, that ship has sailed and sunk. I was running fifteen or twenty clones a day most of the time you were dead. You know, before I spent years researching seals and re-inventing a lost art of the Sage so that I could lead a crusade to kill the most powerful ninja on the planet in order to bring you back to life."
"How long are you going to keep throwing that in my face?" The tone was plaintive, bordering on whiny.
"Until the stars burn out and the bones of the last human turn to dust. At least, if you keep trying to dump your work on me instead of being a good and responsible grownup Clan Lord."
"I was only dead for a couple of years! How did you get so lippy in only a couple years?!"
"Three years, one hundred and fifteen days. Get it right, old man."
"Gah!" The Sannin threw his hands in the air and stomped off with an aggrieved, "Fine!"
o-o-o-o
Several hours later...
"I so needed this," Hazō said, allowing his head to drop bonelessly back on the side of the tub, his entire body submerged in the blissful heat. The water was only slightly short of scalding and had been dosed with lavender oil; between the scent and the heat all the knotted-up muscles in his shoulders and back were finally letting go.
"Me too," Akane said from two places to his right. Her voice was liquid, almost mumbling as she lingered in the liminal space between relaxation and sleep.
In this as in so many things, Ino had to be the outlier. Where her loves were blissfully melting, she was bright and bubbly. She reached out with her feet under the water and scooped Hazō's feet into the center of the tub, tangling them with hers and Akane's so they could all be in contact. She was leaning back, both arms up on the side of the tub so that she could pet the hair of both her bathing partners. All three of them were wearing completely decorous swimsuits, yet the intimate gesture would still have shocked and horrified the Yamanaka clan elders had they somehow managed to penetrate the battalion of lady's maids who were very discreetly guarding the door to the bath.
"How's your foot?" she asked. "The weather's been wet lately."
"Better in the heat," Hazō mumbled. "Are you about to go off on how hilarious it is that someone my age can predict the weather by his aches?"
Ino's eyes went wide, her mouth gaped in innocent offense, and she placed a pale-skinned hand on her chest. "Hazō! You make me sound like such a mean-tempered shrew! When have I ever made fun of you like that?"
"Yesterday," Akane said, smiling but not opening her eyes or lifting her head. "Three in the afternoon, on the west patio." She poked Ino's ankle with one toe, brushing against Hazō in the process.
"Akane! Why would you violate the sacred ties of the sisterhood like this?"
"Because she is fair in both senses of the word, and a wonderful person who loves me?" Hazō asked. "You've got my back, right, honey?"
"Of course." Being on the far side of Ino and far too relaxed to actually lift her arms, Akane pressed a metaphorical kiss into his calf under the water. "And hers."
"Hrmph," Ino grumbled. "So unfair. Don't you know it's supposed to be sisters before misters?"
"Mari-sensei told me that a key part of polyamory is not putting either of you ahead of the other. I'm simply following her expert advice."
"Bah, fine." The way that Ino petted Akane's hair revealed the sour tone for the show that it was.
"Since when are you calling her 'Mari-sensei' these days?" Hazō asked, opening one eye briefly.
Akane shrugged, causing the water to ripple outwards. "In this, at least. It's all too unfamiliar."
"Mm. Makes sense. Ohhhh." The moan came as Ino took his arm under the water and began running her thumb down his forearm with firm pressure, driving out the last traces of tension.
"Teasing aside, I still find it hilarious that you managed to be on the battlefield with the most powerful ninja in the world and your only injury was a broken foot. From stepping in a gopher hole."
"Okay, it wasn't my finest moment. Still, I'm hoping it doesn't make it into the history books. Especially since I was 'on' the battlefield, but only after the battle was over."
"I promise I won't tell the historians," Akane said, smiling fondly.
"I promise I won't tell the historians," Ino agreed, "at least, not so long as you keep me well bribed with chocolate and those ridiculously good backrubs of yours."
"Deal," Hazō mumbled. He jerked slightly as Ino accidentally pressed on a bruise.
"Sorry!" the blonde said. "Sorry, sorry."
"No worries. Gai hits really hard, you know?"
"I'm impressed he agreed to train you," Akane said. "He takes very few apprentices."
"At least he didn't require you to wear that clingy green suit," Ino said, smiling wickedly. "Don't get me wrong, Akane—you look amazing in it, but I don't think Hazō could pull it off. Boys shouldn't wear anything that tight."
"It was less 'agreed' to make me his apprentice and more 'insisted'," Hazō said. "He saw me sparring with Rock Lee and started shouting about youthful motivation and youthful repayment of debts and how youthful it would be to ensure that the youthful Master of the Rift didn't get unyouthfully ganked by some noob genin or something because he was the worst taijutsu fighter to ever graduate from a ninja academy."
"I am certain he said no such thing," Akane said, lifting her head enough to give Hazō a baleful eye. It lost much of its force since Hazō's eyes were closed and also because she couldn't keep herself from sinking back into the sybaritic delight of the hot water.
Hazō chuckled. "Well, maybe not in those words. The intent was there, you know?"
"Gai-sensei would never say anything so cruel," Akane said with a sniff. "Ino, I have changed my mind. Feel free to tease Hazō as much as you like."
"Hey!"
"You brought it on yourself," Ino said.
"Hmph. Anyway, given that Mari has been after me for years to stop chasing research skills and focus on my fundamentals, it seemed smart to accept."
"When the greatest living expert of taijutsu offers to give you full-time training, it would be ridiculous to refuse," Akane said.
"Very true, very true."
"Speaking of 'Master of the Rift'," Ino said, "have either of you heard about Shikaku's shenanigan?"
"No, what?" Hazō asked. "He's been back for, like, two days. When has he had time to get up to shenanigans?"
"The moment he arrived, Shika hugged him so tight I thought Shikaku's head would pop off. Then he stood back, bowed, and said 'Welcome back, Father. I now surrender to you the family chop in symbol of your place as Clan Lord.'"
Hazō and Akane both laughed.
"I bet Shikaku wasn't having that," Hazō said. "What happened?"
"He started going on about how Shikamaru had taken the role in accord with all precedent and law, had been serving ably, and there was no cause to change things. Shikamaru said that simply being away from the estate for a time does not disqualify a Clan Lord and therefore Shikamaru has been officially a Pro Tem this entire time—which is apparently true! He had the documents with him, and it turns out that in his original ascension to the seat he signed it 'Nara Shikamaru, Clan Lord Pro Tem'. And now, since the proper Clan Lord was back, it was time for him to resume the office.
"Then Shikaku claims that the law Shikamaru was citing was trumped by another law, I forget the number, stating that any ninja who leaves the village for more than a certain amount of time without explicit permission of the Hokage shall be considered a missing-nin and missing-nin are not eligible for political office."
"He seriously tried to have himself declared a missing-nin in order to get out of being Clan Lord?" Hazō asked.
"Yup."
"Doesn't he know that I was a missing-nin and I served as Gōketsu Clan Lord for three years?"
"You were never a missing-nin, honey. Remember? You were one of Jiraiya's assets-in place over in Mist until he was able to bring you in from the cold."
"That's absolute twaddle and everyone knows it."
"Sure, but it's legal twaddle and legal precedent. Which Shikamaru promptly points out.
"Then Shikaku tries to say that he's not eligible because a Clan Lord must be of age and he's only two days old—he was trying to count his age from the date of his resurrection, obviously. Shikamaru pulled out a fresh copy of a law, signed by the Hokage and fully entered into the Leaf codes, saying that resurrection is legally distinct from birth and time spent in the afterlife shall not be counted against a person's record for any purpose, including age or eligibility for office."
"The law explicitly said 'age or eligibility for office'?" Akane asked, chuckling.
"In exactly those words. It was great." She settled back on the edge of the tub, sighing in delight at the heat.
"And?" Hazō demanded after a moment. "What did he say next? There is no way Shikaku ran out of arguments that quickly."
Ino laughed. "No, they were still going strong when I left. I'm pretty sure that by that point it was just for the fun of it, though. And I've never seen Shikaku look so proud of Shika."
"That is brilliant," Hazō said. "Utterly brilliant. I need to look Shikamaru up tomorrow and get the rest of the story. Hopefully it won't be too troublesome to share the tale of how he defeated his father in a battle of wits, thereby securing for himself the right to be lazy all day."
"Don't worry, I'll make him tell you. I want to hear the rest of it too."
"Speaking of things we want," Akane said, "when will Cannai be back?"
"Wednesday," Hazō said. "He had some pack business to take care of tomorrow, but he and Canaria are coming over for another taleswap with the Inuzuka. We're invited, obviously. Do you want to go?"
"Of course!" She splashed a little water at him in reproof of the ridiculously silly question.
"Hey now," Ino said. "None of that. If you're energetic enough to be splashing then you're not relaxed enough. Turn around so I can rub your shoulders." She shifted, leaning back against Hazō's chest and holding out her arms to Akane.
The Demigoddess of Youthful Asskicking gratefully turned and leaned back into her blonde sweetheart's massage, and all was right with Hazō's world.
XP AWARD: 0 It's an interlude.
Voting remains closed. The next chapter will be the second half of the Lunar Eclipse plan that was partially executed in the previous numbered chapter.
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- Pronouns
- She/Her/They/Them
This is either the best teaser ever or the worst preliminary twist of the knife. Love it!
Edit: it has been brought to my attention on the Discord that this post contains an unintended double entendre. If you're the type to frolic, you might want to be established as generous in that you literally are the second t-
Edit 2: being aware of the double entendre makes me SO glad I didn't say anything stupid such as "speaking from experience..."
That's good advice, you really don't want to be established as coming second - even if you think you're fine with that at first
Edit: it has been brought to my attention on the Discord that this post contains an unintended double entendre. If you're the type to frolic, you might want to be established as generous in that you literally are the second t-
Edit 2: being aware of the double entendre makes me SO glad I didn't say anything stupid such as "speaking from experience..."
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