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Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

Reader mode
*two chapters later*

JIRAIYA: Here you go kid. Read it.

HAZOU: Whats this? 'Official betrothal contract between Hazou and Ami what the fuck?!

JIRAIYA: Yep.

HAZOU: Well thats just great. At least it specifies terms and conditions whose breaches render it -- HOLD ON! WHAT THE FUCK IS A SOUL BOND?!

JIRAIYA: You really should read more of my books.
 
Looks like we'll find out in day whether Ami.jpg will become a happy meme or something we use when we are in an irrecoverably bad situation of our own making.

E: Stupid phone.
 
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Time to get a battle plan ready for Shikamaru though right????
 
MMKII said:
Time to get a battle plan ready for Shikamaru though right????
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Let's start with:
  • Asking Keiko whether she wants our help on this or if that is "something she must do by herself". Semi-joking but her defeating Hazou with her own plan and Shikamaru being who he is, Keiko might want to do this on her own and we should respect her wishes.
  • Asking Keiko about her new jutsu that she didn't reveal during the fight.
  • Have Keiko ask the summons she sent with ISC during the Fifth Event for intel on their abilities if she hasn't done that yet.
 
She literally summons Pankurashun. The Jonin nightmare with Physique enough to break out of Shikamaru's Kagemane.

And also puts her kunai in a storage seal or something.
 
Roomba said:
Awesome. If you ever find yourself wanting to trade our continued survival for a different exotic circumstance in a future plan, I'm ready for another challenge!
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Have Jiraiya reconcile with Nagato then adopt him into the clan.

If that is too hard:

Set up Kagome with Konan. In canon she created six hundred billion explosive notes with her paper arts to fight one guy.

They will get along swimmingly since she is basically the Goketsu spirit animal.

Deidara x Kagome x Konan x Explosions OTP
 
Velorien said:
Oh, yes. It's also a detailed and well-considered plan so I won't feel bad being generous with the XP.

Also @Tua, I still owe you bonus XP for your omake. I'll add that in with said award.

I make no promises that all this XP isn't going to be awarded only to Keiko and Noburi.
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Hey guys turns out we can sac our MC to boost Keiko and Noburi XP, then reroll and try to get friendly with them again. Rinse/repeat, Keiko and Noburi get SSS-rank in record time!
 
Tua said:
Have Jiraiya reconcile with Nagato then adopt him into the clan.

If that is too hard:

Set up Kagome with Konan. In canon she created six hundred billion explosive notes with her paper arts to fight one guy.

They will get along swimmingly since she is basically the Goketsu spirit animal.

Deidara x Kagome x Konan x Explosions OTP
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Shouldn't be too hard. After Hazou's speech, I expect contact from an Akatsuki agent within a month, and it's all smooth sailing from there.
 
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Omake: Have Your Fishcake and Eat It Too
  • Apocrypha

    • MadScientist said:
    NARUTO: Hi! I'm mysteriously back with no explanation!
    JIRAIYA: (teary eyed) I love your new coat!
    Click to expand...
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    NARUTO: Thanks! Kakuzu made it out of human skin. He is pretty good with his hands, if I may say so.

    JIRAIYA: Starting to love it less now.

    NARUTO: And the stitches are all bio-degradable. In fact, sometimes they degrade too fast but whatcha gonna do, right? It was free, after all.

    JIRAIYA: A lot less.

    NARUTO: Don't you worry one bit. The folks at Akatsuki are pretty nice once you get to know them and this was all just a huge misunderstanding.

    JIRAIYA: ...a misunderstanding. Itachi knocked you out and then they abducted you.

    NARUTO: Only to treat me for the damages they had caused. Apparently Itachi is an S-rank narcissist and shows everyone his eyes in hopes they will compliment him but he got overexcited and lost control.

    NARUTO: This apparently happens so often that they have gotten pretty good at dealing with the fallout now. At least that was my impression when their leader visited me later and yelled: 'YOU WILL KNOW PAIN killers. Here, now please don't sue us or Kakuzu will get mad at me.'

    JIRAIYA: I see.

    NARUTO: I think they were genuinely remorseful. Kisame even took me to a sea park. It was quite fun and he didn't even have to pay for his ticket. Dunno why, but he got pretty upset about that.

    JIRAIYA: And I guess Tobi was just your long lost brother or something?

    NARUTO: Yeah, how did you know? I mean it is pretty obvious in hindsight what with his orange mask with and the whirlpool pattern on it but I hadn't even realized until he told me himself.

    JIRAIYA: What about Yagura?

    NARUTO: Who?

    JIRAIYA: ...the young boy. The Mizukage?

    NARUTO: No, I don't think we are related.

    JIRAIYA: ...

    NARUTO: ...

    JIRAIYA: I meant: what happened to him?

    NARUTO: Oh. Konan adopted him because he was so cute. He was against the idea at first but no one can resist her paper party tricks for long.

    JIRAIYA: I see. Hey, Hazou! Get in here.

    HAZOU: Yes, sir?

    JIRAIYA: Congratulations, you are now the clan heir. Unfortunately that means you have to abdicate the title of the most unhinged Goketsu but I am sure you will manage to cope.

    HAZOU: That's grea-- Hey! Unhinged?! I am not unhinged, I am creative. It is not the same.

    JIRAIYA: Yeah, yeah. You can go now and finish whatever doomsday device you were working on before I called you in.

    HAZOU: *while leaving* Unhinged? Unhinged! I will show them. I will show them all!

    NARUTO: Huh, looks like I am not the only one who met some new and unique people.
     
    Last edited:
  • Apocrypha
    • Tua said:
    NARUTO: Thanks! Kakuzo made it out of human skin. He is pretty good with his hands, if I may say so.

    JIRAIYA: Starting to love it less now.

    NARUTO: And the stitches are all bio-degradable. In fact, sometimes they degrade too fast but whatcha gonna do, right? It was free, after all.

    JIRAIYA: A lot less.

    NARUTO: Don't you worry one bit. The folks at Akatsuki are pretty nice once you get to know them and this was all just a huge misunderstanding.

    JIRAIYA: ...a misunderstanding. Itachi knocked you out and then they abducted you.

    NARUTO: Only to treat me for the damages they caused. Apparently Itachi is an S-rank narcissist and shows everyone his eyes in hopes they will compliment him but he got overexcited and lost control.

    NARUTO: This apparently happens so often that they have gotten pretty good at dealing with the fallout now. At least that was my impression when their leader visited me later and yelled: 'YOU WILL KNOW PAIN killers. Here, now please don't sue us or Kakuzu will get mad at me.'

    JIRAIYA: I see.

    NARUTO: I think they were genuinely remorseful. Kisame even took me to a sea park. It was quite fun and he didn't even have to pay for his ticket. Dunno why, but he got pretty upset about that.

    JIRAIYA: And I guess Tobi was just your long lost brother or something?

    NARUTO: Yeah, how did you know? I mean it is pretty obvious in hindsight what with his orange mask with and the whirlpool pattern on it but I hadn't even realized until he told me himself.

    JIRAIYA: What about Yagura?

    NARUTO: Who?

    JIRAIYA: ...the young boy.

    NARUTO: Oh, him. Konan adopted him because he was so cute. He was resistant at first but no one can resist her paper party tricks for long.

    JIRAIYA: I see. Hey, Hazou! Get in here.

    HAZOU: Yes, sir?

    JIRAIYA: Congratulations, you are now the clan heir. Unfortunately that means you have to abdicate the title of the most unhinged Goketsu but I am sure you will manage to cope.

    HAZOU: That's grea-- Hey! Unhinged?! I am not unhinged, I am creative. It is not the same.

    JIRAIYA: Yeah, yeah. You can go now and finish whatever doomsday device you were working on before I called you in.

    HAZOU: *while leaving* Unhinged? Unhinged! I will show them. I will show them all!

    NARUTO: Huh, looks like I am not the only one who met some pretty unique people.
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    This made me laugh out loud. Well done.
     
    Tua said:
    NARUTO: Thanks! Kakuzo made it out of human skin. He is pretty good with his hands, if I may say so.

    JIRAIYA: Starting to love it less now.

    NARUTO: And the stitches are all bio-degradable. In fact, sometimes they degrade too fast but whatcha gonna do, right? It was free, after all.

    JIRAIYA: A lot less.

    NARUTO: Don't you worry one bit. The folks at Akatsuki are pretty nice once you get to know them and this was all just a huge misunderstanding.

    JIRAIYA: ...a misunderstanding. Itachi knocked you out and then they abducted you.

    NARUTO: Only to treat me for the damages they caused. Apparently Itachi is an S-rank narcissist and shows everyone his eyes in hopes they will compliment him but he got overexcited and lost control.

    NARUTO: This apparently happens so often that they have gotten pretty good at dealing with the fallout now. At least that was my impression when their leader visited me later and yelled: 'YOU WILL KNOW PAIN killers. Here, now please don't sue us or Kakuzu will get mad at me.'

    JIRAIYA: I see.

    NARUTO: I think they were genuinely remorseful. Kisame even took me to a sea park. It was quite fun and he didn't even have to pay for his ticket. Dunno why, but he got pretty upset about that.

    JIRAIYA: And I guess Tobi was just your long lost brother or something?

    NARUTO: Yeah, how did you know? I mean it is pretty obvious in hindsight what with his orange mask with and the whirlpool pattern on it but I hadn't even realized until he told me himself.

    JIRAIYA: What about Yagura?

    NARUTO: Who?

    JIRAIYA: ...the young boy.

    NARUTO: Oh, him. Konan adopted him because he was so cute. He was resistant at first but no one can resist her paper party tricks for long.

    JIRAIYA: I see. Hey, Hazou! Get in here.

    HAZOU: Yes, sir?

    JIRAIYA: Congratulations, you are now the clan heir. Unfortunately that means you have to abdicate the title of the most unhinged Goketsu but I am sure you will manage to cope.

    HAZOU: That's grea-- Hey! Unhinged?! I am not unhinged, I am creative. It is not the same.

    JIRAIYA: Yeah, yeah. You can go now and finish whatever doomsday device you were working on before I called you in.

    HAZOU: *while leaving* Unhinged? Unhinged! I will show them. I will show them all!

    NARUTO: Huh, looks like I am not the only one who met some pretty unique people.
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...

    Stick a title on this so you can get an omake threadmark :p
     
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