Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
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- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard
I dare anyone to be in unexplainable possession of MARS. But I guess that's not the point; if we're gonna share our good seals, we want to share them all to increase our clanmen's survivability and killing ability (so the seals stay secret).
That's what Ino wants, but why are we saying it should only be for genins?
Also, let's remember that yes, genins tend to die a lot. That also means the seals will be leaked at some point to the enemy (when Ninja battles are back on the AMITY menu). Is that something we're prepared for?
I agree. Plus, KEI has a better ability to come up with new jutsu than us, meaning we wouldn't be able to maintain this trade for long before they got all our jutsus. Though I suppose we could trade seals/training for the jutsus?
[X] Interlude: Yuno goes chasing the
edit: I guess we don't want an interlude, but at the same time can the hivemind make decisions for not-Hazou characters?
While I feel the same, let's not forget that Hazou is a very young clan lord, in a very young clan. He hasn't had the time to build rapport with his clanmen, though they should have some trust in him after his efforts to save civilians. They may not find him all that reliable (anymore?) but I think it would be unreasonable to question his intentions.
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Yes, it's fine, the seal keys off Sealmaster skill, and almost nobody has Sealing 60 in the EN. Basically just one or two sealmasters are that good per major village. Leaf is unusual in that we have more but even then it's just Hazou, Oro, Manjiro, and Kagome(?).
If it get's leaked it'll be a good long time before it's effectively used against us. It's no problem if we are up against Goo Bombs rolling 20-40, which is where most Sealmasters are.
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- Europa, Jupiter Orbit
I think this wasn't meant generally. More like, for every jutsu an adoptee was forced to hand over, we unilaterally gift a jutsu/seal to the KEI pool. Of similar value of we want to act in good faith. That's what I understood, else it has nothing to do with the issue at hand. Which is why I don't like it.
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- Book Fort
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...Because that's what Ino wants? That's what she's asking for? If Ino wants to get her other ninja access to Goo Bombs, then we can make a separate trade deal for that.
This is Hazou and Ino's first major complication as a couple-who-are-both-clan-heads. Let's keep the trade deal simple and to the point, and once we have a solid foundation built up, we can do more. But right now, we need to build up that foundation of trust.
We already did, and Noburi said that his Mednin wasn't high enough to research it yet.
EDIT: Though, I suppose that was before he had Mednin 40. I'll ask Noburi how close he thinks he is, skill wise, until he can research it.
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Same Goo Bomb Trade Deal as was voted in before, we ask Noburi his thoughts on some important stuff, and then we continue sealing, offscreen.
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Gōketsu Goke had it good. Being a civilian in a Voting Clan was as good as it could get, anyway. Work was hard, but rest was easy, and shaping wood in Leaf meant he never lacked materials.
The Gōketsu gave a lot more than other clans did, for all that Hyūga civilians talked like they were royalty, he knew his immediate neighbours never went to bed hungry. He really had it good, and he remembered that fact quite often. Sure, their Clan Lord was an eccentric, but so had been Jiraiya - may Lord Fifth be one with the Will of Fire forever to burn Leaf's foes and warm her friends - and it was what led them to making life so much easier for him. And the Lord even talked to him like a person, when he met him every other week! He really had it good, he knew that.
Then again, the Gōketsu were, well, really eccentric. There would be a time where Lord Hazō said hello, but walking on the walls horizontally with ninja magic. Once he appeared right next to Goke out of thin air and nearly stopped his heart right then and there, only to ask if his tools could cut ironwood into a bowl.
But the weirdest part was the ninja magic that the Gōketsu ninja themselves seemed not to control or understand. There was a time where he started to be surprised and scared by his Lord more often than not, and saw him much more frequently. Lord Hazō himself seemed not to even notice! But everything clicked together when Goke saw Lady Akane one day, holding Lady Akane's hand. At first he had thought his wood had gotten infected with weakworms again, to give him hallucinations. But Goke was a practical man, and thanks to the GED (he really did have it good) he even had new... reduction, no, deduction skills to apply, and concluded that the ninja could make more ninja out of themselves, but didn't know what the others did. Probably a tool for war, with as many dangers as practical applications - and he knew better than to ask.
It still did not make everything easier to know. Why, one day...
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Goke's chisel was making its way through an obdurate knot in the wood. Few cabinet-makers truly got it, but a knot in the wood did not make it lose worth, if the woodworker had the skill and tools to embellish it rather than ignore it and power through. Fortunately, Goke had enough skill. Unfortunately, Goke was crafting an ordinary plate for his personal use, and not an ornate bed for a noble.
In the middle of his musings about how Inuzuka Kiryoku could only have cut it through, the rich woodworker's skills being what they are, and it was really unfair that Goke's kids sometimes went to bed hungry before the Gōketsu adopted them given the difference in prowess their fathers displayed, he was greeted by his Lord:
"Hello, Goke, is it?"
"Yes, m'lord. Lord Gōketsu, sir. A bit of pleasure to see you, sir. What may I do for you today, sir?" he replied
"Just passing through, checking for any outstanding issues on the estate. Is everything okay?"
That. That was part of what made the Gōketsu a Clan he was happy to be in. Part of why he had it so good. Other Clans had police, or a militia, or did not care. Here, the Clan Lord personally came to talk to civilians and wanted to make their life even better.
"Everything is fine, sir, Lord Gōketsu. I've heard a bit of noise, sure thing, around the cafeteria at night recently, but I don't think they're bothered no bit, sir, just a bit part of drunk fun, you know? That's all I can think about. I mean, Lord Gōketsu. Sir."
"Good to know. I'll go check it out and make sure. Thank you, Goke."
As Goke went back to his work, a smiled etched itself on his face. He really had it good here.
"Hey, it's Goke, right?"
Goke thanked the kami and the Will of Fire that he was not in the process of drinking, or he would have spit it all out, and on the shoes of his Clan Lord.
"L-L-Lord Gōketsu?"
"Oh, don't be scared, there's nothing bad coming. In fact, I'm just here to make sure everything is alright around the estate. Is there any issue I should know about?"
Dumbstruck, Goke repeated himself, making sure this time to tack "Lord Gōketsu" properly after every verb. Hid Lord did not seem impressed by his propriety (in all likelihood because he was so used to them).
"Of course. I'll go see around. Thanks, Goke."
The third time, it seemed deliberate.
"Hello there! You're Goke, aren't you?"
What do you even respond to that, when you already did, twice? Still, he had it good here, no matter how bizarre his Clan Lord.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
By the time the sixth Hazō had come, asked about his name, and gone to snoop around the cafeteria, Goke was tired. He had cut, evened, sanded, and polished his wooden plate. And another. And another. When the sixth Hazō had come... he'd remembered an unofficial Gōketsu motto, known by all civilians. You think ninja are crazy, wait until you see a Gōketsu. And he'd also had to remind himself, sighing, and not for the first time this day, that he had it good here.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
"My Sagedamned head!" Hazō complained when the last clone's worth of memories hit all at once and melded with the rest.
He was no longer sure of what had happened near the cafeteria, more and more conflicting information overlapping.
Next time he would be certain to send his clones to explicitly different things rather than go about their day with relative independence.
But right now he wanted to make sure he knew what had been going on. You cannot manage a Clan compound without knowing what transpires within its walls. He passed the door, and stopped by the first civilian he saw on his way there.
"You're Goke, right?"
Years later, he still would not understand what emotions were on that man's face. Or why he repeated, dazedly yet doggedly: "I have it good, I have it good..."
Six or seven Hazōs may be there at any given time.
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This was a delight to read, and made me smile! Thank you for writing it! ^.^
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Thank you! It was fun to write and there was a question to answer--
He did not say that. He said he didn't know if he could do it. Experimenting on prisoners/FGP would be a very good way to determine if he can do it.
Hey, your plan repost seems to incude a clear missplay, and you've written a corrected snippet that corrects the problem very deftly, and received positive reviews of that snippet from the thread at large.
Would you please consider implementing your proposed improvement before further reposting your plan?
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If there is a specific second scene people would like for me to include hit me up.
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- Texas
Hm. Thoughts about setting up a Goketsu town hall meeting where our ninja and civilians can bring up complaints/ideas before they become a big problem?
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Good point. Last time, the suggestion wasn't implemented because there were voters for the plan who were against the change. This time, since voting isn't open, that isn't a thing.
At work right now, but I promise I'll edit it accordingly once I'm off, later this afternoon (or if work slows down and I can sneak being on my phone)
*[extends pinky promise]*
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A very practical way, sure, but uh, what if we don't do that kind of atrocity? I and probably other players may have reserves about it being very good.
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Because they are not Gōketsu ninja and therefore Hazō would have had to explicitly go out of his way to order them to do it?
Fine then, practical.
Is it an atrocity? If Noburi doesn't do it, Oro will. Which would you prefer? I'd take Nobs any day of the week. We can resurrect them first, even. I view it as distasteful but necessary.
It is reckless in the extreme to risk killing Naruto, by doing experimental surgery for the very first time, on our only way of opening the Rift. We need to have Nobs practice this.
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If Noburi does it, Oro will do his stuff on others in the meantime. Even in a completely dispassionate "someone will pass the obvious moral horizon, might as well be me for the shinies" approach to morals, this does in fact raise the quantity of suffering in the world. The comparison isn't "should the torture be at the hands of Oro or Nob" because the FGP suffering is eventually limited by Oro's time, not the number of people in it (who apparently are in excess, if we consider that Oro always seems occupied but that there were several people in waiting when Hazō came). We should look for another way, such as lower-level chakra creatures or even just getting that much better at medical ninjutsu and medical knowledge that it seems easy and safe no matter what in Noburi's expert eyes.
I don't think we know whether the number of people in the FGP is in excess, I concede that if it is not people limited, then this is strictly worse than the counterfactual. I maintain that if it is people-limited, then this is better.
We are in a race with Sasori to open the afterlife, if we cannot do such before he resurrects Pain. It's game over. We do not have the time to do this the safe way where Noburi raises his stats to 60 first. I do not want to become Mengele here, it's just that the other options are worse.
Regardless, I think we can agree that Noburi should try it on a few chakra-beasts first, no? Let's start there. @RandomOTP could you add a bit to the Noburi section where we ask him to start practicing the tenketsu-opening surgery on chakra beasts?
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@faflec did I miss something? My understanding is that we were given two tickets specifically for them a few months (IRL) back and haven't had an onscreen adoption ceremony purely because of spoons.
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Yeah, I'm okay with that. I'll add it later on, today
Chapter 607, Part 2: Emergency Spiritual Care
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"...and then she ran out of the room in tears," Noburi said, the defeat palpable in his voice. "I got a note sent to me yesterday with a drawing of an axe splitting a barrel in half, which I think is meant to tell me that she's staying with Fujisawa. I just hope she's not trying to convert her."
"Shit," Mari muttered. "I really should've seen this coming. Maybe I should have kept her indoors until he was gone or something."
"Considering the lingering ill feeling between you since the Orochimaru incident," Kei said, "it may be that your authority would not have been sufficient. Rather, as Yuno's unwilling spiritual leader, I should have anticipated the issue and acted with the proper urgency."
"I'm her husband," Noburi said. "I'm supposed to know her better than anyone. I'm supposed to protect her. Let's not get into the blame game, because it's not going to get us anywhere and because I've already won."
"You're right," Hazō said. "We have to focus. This is the actual reason I called you all here today. We need to discuss how to handle this situation, for Yuno's sake more than anyone else's."
"Yeah," Noburi said bitterly. "Handle it. Hazō, what the hell were you doing? You're her clan head. You're her friend. I could buy it if you tried to give her one of your speeches and it bounced off, but why would you come up with all that bullshit about being the Jashin priest of Birth and whatever? What was the cunning master plan? Why would you push her deeper in instead of trying to pull her out?"
Why indeed. The actual explanation was simple. He'd decided that the best way to handle Yuno's newly-acquired beliefs was not to reject them (which would only have alienated her), but to steer them, maintaining control of the situation while sharing as much of the truth with her as he thought she could handle. A Deathist Yuno would be a disaster, and one that would probably get herself executed in short order. A Birthist Yuno could become a stronger ally than ever–if not for Uplift, which it seemed like she still didn't really get, then for the Hazō-style Jashinism which was Uplift dressed in bloodier robes.
But Hazō couldn't just come out and say that. His family wasn't going to accept his worship of Jashin any more than they would Yuno's, even though his was a rational, transactional relationship with no commitment to the massacre side of things as opposed to her raving fanaticism. Kei was already horrified by the idea of him having any relationship with Jashin, plus he'd lied to her and Shikamaru about it (and enough time had passed that "I was going to tell you the truth afterwards" was no longer viable). Mari… Mari might be pragmatic, but then again, "Yes, I serve the blood god, but I can quit any time I like" might not be convincing to somebody who brainwashed people for a living. Noburi was furious with him already. Snowflake… frankly, he had no idea, but he doubted it would do anything for their relationship.
He wished he'd taken the time to come up with an explanation in advance. As it was, with the family watching alertly, he was just going to have to lie and hope it didn't come back to ruin him later.
"Hidan's convinced I'm a sincere Jashinist," Hazō said. "You know that; it's the source of our biggest problem right now. I need to keep him believing that if I want to live, and if Yuno could go running to him any time, that means I need her to believe it too, no matter how ridiculous it is."
"You're about to tell the entirety of Leaf that you're a good little Will of Fire worshipper and Hidan can go screw himself," Noburi objected, "and then persuade him you were lying to save your own skin. You could just say you lied to Yuno to maintain your cover."
"I can't because…" Dammit, Noburi, stop having a brain.
"...because Yuno's different. Hidan might be fine with me lying to unbelievers–in fact, I'm staking my life on it–but abandoning a fellow worshipper could be seen as betraying the cult."
"So what?" Noburi demanded. "Are you just going to keep up the lie, keep enabling her so you can save your own skin?"
"Noburi," Snowflake said after a moment during which the room was silent. "I appreciate your frustration, but I would prefer not to ask Hazō to sacrifice himself to Hidan for Yuno's sake. We were able to navigate the Orochimaru incident without sacrifices, and Orochimaru has empirically proved himself to be more dangerous than Hidan, however the latter may posture."
"Sorry," Noburi said to the floor. "I didn't mean it that way. I just… You should've heard her. All bouncy and excited about killing people, after I was finally starting to think we…"
"I remain confused on one point," Kei said after he trailed off. "While I can comprehend your judgement in choosing to deceive Yuno, was it not sufficient to affirm Hidan's claims and proceed immediately to persuading her of the need for silence? You appear to have invented, with remarkable but not uncharacteristic spontaneity, an entire ideology that validates Jashinism by associating it with Uplift-adjacent virtues. Were we to attempt to rescue Yuno from the chains in which Hidan has enmeshed her, our only counter-offer to the darkness of Jashinism would be the enlightenment of Uplift. Now, I no longer see how it may be done, nor why you would destroy the possibility."
"It's part of my cover with Hidan," Hazō said. "He thinks I'm working for the Birth aspect of Jashin and he's working for the Death aspect, and that keeps him happy while I carry on with Uplift."
"I admit this leaves me at a loss," Kei said. "Hazō, is it your intent to free Yuno from Jashinism or to convert her to your fictional version for the purposes of furthering your cover? You have gathered us here on the implication that you desire the former, yet with your actions you have only promoted the latter. You cannot have both."
"I want to free her," Hazō said. "Obviously. I'm not letting my family get led astray by a fanatical nutcase who thinks murder is a sacrament."
"Then you must retract everything you have said at the nearest opportunity," Kei replied. "Yuno can hardly be persuaded of the wickedness or folly of Jashinism while the head of her own clan proclaims himself an ally of Jashin and recognises Hidan's spiritual authority in matters of immediate interest to her."
…Yeah. That was going to go down well.
"Let's focus," Hazō said, changing the subject before he could be asked to commit to a course of action he had no idea how to handle. "It's possible that Yuno was naturally predisposed towards Jashinism. However–"
"She was not!" Noburi interrupted, glaring. "None of this is Yuno's fault. What was she supposed to do when the only thing people ever praised her for was killing things, but then when killing made her happy, she got told that was disgusting and unclean? It's not like that's even changed in Leaf. She's a chakra beast specialist, not an infiltrator. Her being a good Leaf ninja means killing things to protect the village. But then when she enjoys being a good Leaf ninja, that's somehow creepy or scary. That's not a predisposition towards Jashinism–it's a predisposition away from hypocrisy!"
Everyone stared.
"I get it," Noburi said, "all right? I get it. I'm the one who has to listen to her talk about how much fun she has chopping off chakra beasts' heads, and how exciting it is when that gets her showered in a colour of blood she's never seen before. I get why people don't want to hear that. But she doesn't deserve to be treated like some kind of incurable maniac just because she never learned how to make her feelings sound socially acceptable the way most people do by the time they're that traumatised."
"...You're right," Hazō said. "I'm sorry. What I meant to say was Hidan took advantage of Yuno's pain, which happened to be the kind of pain that leads to violence. Like you say, it's what she was taught in Isan, and then Akane died, her first and best friend, and that only made things worse. Maybe if she'd been in top form, Yuno could have seen through Hidan's bullshit, but he got to her when she was at her most vulnerable. He's a cult leader–of course he'd be good at spotting weaknesses and making false promises that made people want to follow him. None of that is her fault.
"The problem is, he's got to her now. She thinks Jashinism is the bee's knees, and she's already said she wants to convert the rest of us. I take it nobody here wants to take her up on her offer?"
Hazō shivered at the ice-cold looks.
"My point is that now you have a heads-up, so each of you needs to have a response ready if she comes to you individually. But ideally, we find a way to cut all this off before we end up with too much strain on our relationships, like what happened with Noburi.
"Mari, you're our resident expert. Hidan's charisma should have nothing on a social specialist like you. Do you think you could un-brainwash Yuno?"
After a few seconds to think, Mari shook her head. "She doesn't trust me enough for that. She was always a little wary of me, and that whole Orochimaru mess hit her hard from all kinds of angles. She'd probably just think I was trying to turn her against Hidan in order to benefit the clan, and she'd be half-right. Not to mention that, I don't know if you've noticed, but I have a reputation within the clan. People know I'm the master of persuasion and deception and genjutsu who you send out when you need a target manipulated. I don't start on a level playing field against somebody who's got reason to be suspicious of my motives."
Hazō nodded. "OK, what about getting help from somebody she doesn't distrust? Could you work together with Ami? I think she'd be all for freeing someone who's been slaved to the will of a god."
"It would be one hell of a favour," Mari mused. "But I'm going to guess you're fine with that."
"For family?" Hazō asked. "Of course. Go talk to her.
"In the meantime, do you have any ideas about how steer her away from Jashin? I'm not saying we reject her love for violence, because that's a part of her that's not going to go away, but we have to show her that Jashinism is not the way to fulfil it."
Mari considered.
"In the end, this isn't really about violence. I mean it is, obviously, but the reason Hidan had such an easy time was alienation. It's not about the fact that he understood her–it's the fact that he understood her and nobody else did. She said that herself, about Noburi.
"Which is not your fault, Noburi," she added quickly on seeing his expression. "You never had the kind of experiences that it takes to understand a deep desire for violence, and I'm glad you haven't, because it means you can do things for other people that neither Yuno nor I can. It means, hopefully, that you'll be a key part of getting her out of this mess.
"The first, most basic thing I think we need to do is make sure Yuno feels understood by her family. We're not going to break Hidan's influence over her as long as she thinks she has no one else she can turn to. We have to show her that we understand and accept her, and there's no way to do that without spending time with her and actually getting your head around how and why she thinks the way she does.
"The second is offering an alternative. Now, Hazō, you've shut down the most obvious, Leaf-friendly path to that, which would have been using the same desire for violence, but to protect instead of murdering. Unfortunately, now she thinks that's part of Jashinism as well, so it doesn't really matter which she does because they both serve the same goal. That means we're going to have to lean extra-hard on the non-Jashin violence we've got left, which is apparently killing chakra beasts, and maybe summons if you can find the kind of summon who's willing to fight her to the death on the Human Path over and over again."
"That would seem to overlook the fundamental problem," Snowflake observed. "To date, Yuno has not suffered from a lack of opportunities to enjoy violence. In fact, I am given to understand that a common refrain among chakra beast hunters upon seeing a B-rank extermination mission on the board is, 'Grab it before Gōketsu can'. Rather, at issue is her inability to share her feelings within Leaf at large without being met with opprobrium. While my own social skills are far too dire to offer advice, it is a fact that a chosen few successfully maintain relationships of trust and affection with her, and perhaps researching those relationships might aid us in developing a framework for healthy interaction between Yuno and the village population.
"Noburi, since you are in any case, I assume, due to visit Miyuki in order to apologise and retrieve Yuno, perhaps this might be your opportunity to befriend her yourself, and identify the features of her character and behaviour that render them so unusually compatible."
For some reason, Noburi's eyes went slightly wide.
"Yeah," he said. "Sure. That's totally a thing I can do. No problem. I'm sure it'll be fine."
"I am relieved to hear it," Kei said. "With Mari's assigned task being cooperation with Ami, and Hazō's being damage mitigation with regard to his and the clan's reputation, the alternative would have been for Snowflake or myself to take the lead in a social matter, and I would not care to gamble on our ability to subtly inquire into the details of Miyuki's relationship with Yuno without arousing suspicion as to our intent. Doubtless she will already be suspicious, considering Yuno's stellar OPSEC abilities, and addressing this must also be part of your mission."
Hazō nodded. "That's a good point. We're going to need to manage Yuno to make sure she doesn't slip up and say or do anything obviously Jashinist, especially right now when the village is already alert to potential Gōketsu heresy. Mari, you're smooth as butter when it comes to navigating social conflicts. Do you think you can manage that?"
Mari smirked at the unsubtle compliment. "I can't stick to her like glue and make sure she doesn't spontaneously axe-murder anyone, but I can keep an ear out and be ready to swoop in before things can spin out of control. The best idea might be to keep her busy–maybe encourage her to make her new boss happy with some bandit exterminations that have her spending plenty of time out of Leaf while we do what we can during her downtime. Just whatever you do, don't go with her. You're going to need to keep your head down as far as killing people is concerned, at least unless the Hokage gives you a direct order."
Hazō made to reply, then gave an enormous yawn. Between this and the sealing research, it had been a very long day.
"It looks like we've got our business sorted out for the time being. Thank you all for your help. Shall we call it a day?"
He began to rise from his seat.
"Not so fast."
The weight of Mari, Kei, and Snowflake's combined "nice try" looks pushed him back down.
"We have yet to attend to the most important issue," Kei explained, "which is to say the details of tomorrow's denunciation. I suggest you gird your loins, Hazō. I suspect it will be a long night."
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As this update takes place on the night of Chapter 605, Day 2, there is in fact no additional XP to award. However, I must deduct 1 QM-had-fun XP. Despite explicit intent to describe Hazō's conversation with Yuno, no guidance was provided on how to explain Hazō telling Yuno he was a Jashinist. I was forced to delay the update so I could consult the other QMs, since the Hazōpilot's obvious options were "tell the family he was lying to Yuno and does not serve Jashin in any way" and "tell the family the truth", both with massive backfire potential.
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At @_The_Bomb's request, I attach his Marked for Death player demographics poll. Please fill it in if you're interested.
View: https://i.imgur.com/3upa2E5.png
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Voting is closed.
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