Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
Do you really think that sending someone other than Hazou is going to do much for how Naruto views him?
Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
-
- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard
- Location
- The Maple Syrup Mountains
Well, there's a decent chance that it'd be hard for Hazou to meet Naruto in the first place, given how Naruto still seems to be avoiding us as much as reasonable, and I was thinking that if someone Naruto's got no beef with gives him the news he'd be more positive/appreciative whereas if Hazou gives him the news Naruto will just look for signs of deception or chalk it up as us sucking up to him.
I suppose it's not guaranteed to be a worse outcome for Hazou to give the news, but I feel like if Noburi tells Naruto that we all decided to return them to him post-haste we'd get better results since we wouldn't have put Naruto in a bad mood and provoked his suspicion just before giving him the news.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
IIRC we aren't having issue with like. Talking to him. He's just very dry with us and doesn't spend time with us actively.
Which this is a good opportunity to change. Don't just give him the package of jutsu. Ask about Jiraiya. We didn't know Jiraiya like Naruto did.
- Location
- The Maple Syrup Mountains
Also we should probably be delivering them in batches instead of all at once after we've decoded the whole pile. After all, it reflects better on us to return the Needle Jizo notes as soon as we decode them rather than a month later after Kagome finishes decoding the last of Jiraiya's 'I made this when I was still a teenager shut up' jutsu.
Make copies and hand them over because, as Shikamaru so recently demonstrated, there's a difference between not being an asshole and not being a ninja.
Huh... There might be some game theoretic advantages to having the worst liar ever born on staff...
There's plenty of land outside the walls and all indications are that nobody has cared about this parcel for decades, plus it's being put to public service. This might be a good time to leverage inertia instead of proactiveness.
"Hi. Here's your probational sash until you design your own. It appears that you're on team 'V', which doesn't surprise anybody since they've been down on membership ever since the Basilisk Incident. Fortunately, it was only a partial infusion failure, so any residue should only be sedimentary and wash right out."
As Oro said to Pain, "Over my dead bodies."
Kagome, duh.
I mean, we're not going to actually say it, but everybody knows.
[ ] Do Not Go To Bear.
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- Location
- Bronx
@eaglejarl Honestly, I forgot. I remember binge reading until the nautical slaughter though. Probably Reddit.
On another note, I'll take this time to thank you and the GMs (and the hivemind). This entire saga has taught me to plan ahead and really *think* about things in my personal life. So, um, thanks
On another note, I'll take this time to thank you and the GMs (and the hivemind). This entire saga has taught me to plan ahead and really *think* about things in my personal life. So, um, thanks
[ ] Do Not Go To Bear.
- Location
- Yes.
- Location
- The Maple Syrup Mountains
In this case, there's a bit of a difference between 'the pretty easy combat seal Hazou uses publicly and that the Nara replicated on their own' and 'the treasure troves of S-rank jutsu Jiraiya of the Sannin that we only have in our hands because he didn't organize his belongings right and are probably Uzumaki Clan Secrets at this point'.
Chapter 319: Forking Paths
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
"I have been properly briefed on you now," Hyūga said coldly to Yuno as he gazed down at the cup in front of him disdainfully, as if it were an insufficient offering from a ritual summoner. "I should have been able to tell that you were a foreigner from those ridiculous allegations you were throwing at Gōketsu and myself."
As usual, everything was thanks to Akane. It was Akane who'd worded the invitation in a way that would get Hyūga to come even though he was a xenophobe (not that anyone outside Isan had any idea what xenophobia really was). It was Akane who'd led her to this café despite how busy she was. It was Akane who'd smiled and left them alone, with Hyūga in less of a foul mood than Yuno had expected given what she'd heard about their two clans. It made sense, of course. Nobody could really hate Akane. She'd even managed to find a café with no more than three window-side seats and a female proprietor who looked between thirty and forty years of age.
"What do you want from me?" Neji snapped.
"I just wanted to talk," Yuno said. "We didn't really get to last time, because of the asura attack." She'd have to apologise to Satsuko later, but Akane insisted that it was too early to formally introduce the two to each other.
"Fine," Hyūga said. "What do I want from you?"
"I've been thinking about you," Yuno said, "and about what Noburi and the others have to say about you." The way they'd sounded… they were well-meaning, trying to educate her about the dangers of this world. But she couldn't help thinking that this was also how the parents of Isan tried to educate their children about the dangers of Yuno.
Hyūga gritted his teeth. "Those filthy—"
"Hyūga," she interrupted. "I want to hear about you from you too."
Hyūga went quiet for a moment. "What?"
"I want to hear your side of the story," Yuno said gently. "I would never condemn someone without listening to what they had to say."
Hyūga stared at her as if she'd given Grandfather a gift in a black box.
"What does that even mean?" he demanded. "Do you expect me to try to justify myself in the face of their doubtless preposterous accusations?"
"Forget the allegations," Yuno said. "Forget about them."
Noburi sometimes felt like he could be her counterpart, light to darkness. Yuno wondered if Hyūga was someone like her instead, and if it would be better or worse if he was.
"You sound like the world is wrong," she said, "and you're the only one who's noticed."
"Well, yes," Hyūga said with a note of confusion in his voice. "You haven't even met Rock Lee. But what does that have to do with anything?"
"My world is wrong too," Yuno said. "The rules are supposed to be for everyone, but every time I try to follow them, I run into an exception. Even if I try to explain that, nobody will understand, because in their mind, everything is working fine, and the parts that hurt me are working as intended."
Hyūga frowned. He took a sip of his drink, winced when it was hotter than he expected, but didn't interrupt.
"People don't respect me, even if I don't make mistakes. They never give me the benefit of the doubt. It's like I'm an outsider in my own home, even if I try to do what everyone else is doing."
Hyūga took some time to respond.
"For a foreigner, you have a surprisingly astute grasp of human nature," he concluded. "It doesn't matter how much insight you have if no one is willing to listen. And while a comprehensive set of laws is necessary for human existence, that doesn't matter if they are the wrong laws. But what of it? The world is not going to change, and if you are here merely to deal in wishful thinking and hypotheticals, then I have an oversized scroll to study."
"I'm here because I want to find out what you're like," Yuno said. "You must have realised by now. I'm supposed to marry one of you, and it's not fair for me to only know Noburi."
"Hmph. If he is my sole competition, then I suppose I may as well start instructing you in the Leaf wedding rituals now."
Yuno beamed.
"It was a hypothetical!" Hyūga said urgently. "I never said…"
"Do you see now?" Yuno asked. "I have to marry one of you. And I'm not going to marry him just because it's the default option."
Hyūga rubbed the bridge of his nose. "A wonderful parting gift you've left me, Lord Hiashi. Either I marry a foreigner, or Gōketsu marries her because she has a mind disturbed enough to find him better."
"The world is a cruel joke," Yuno agreed, "fashioned to the twisted sense of humour of someone you want to find and disembowel so the rain of their blood and innards can wash away your tears even for a second. But I'm starting to think it might have its merits."
"I wonder if it would be easier to find this person with the Byakugan," Hyūga said abstractedly.
"I have wasted enough time here," he said an alarmed second later. "I have work to do. Much work. I will take my leave."
"See you again soon!" Yuno said brightly.
Hyūga walked away. Yuno watched him. In the back of her mind, she wondered whether the Byakugan was a property of the eyes or the chakra system, and whether the eyeballs would still be pale and lacking pupils if they were scooped out and left to drain.
"Neji."
"What?"
Hyūga looked slightly sideways as he spoke, not even looking over his shoulder, so the word was hard to make out.
"Hyūga Neji."
A second later, he disappeared into the terrifying amorphous beast that Leaf called a busy street.
-o-
Hazō stared despondently at the familiar zeroes on the menu. He had a strong feeling they'd had many order-of-magnitude babies since his last visit, just to catch up with him getting clan head resources. He honestly couldn't tell whether Ino had picked this place a second time because the food was that good, because she enjoyed making his life difficult in subtle ways, or because she was making a point by bringing him to the café where she'd reamed him out for breaking Akane's heart. Stupid social experts and their social expertise.
"So what's the deal?" Ino asked, casually spinning a fork in a gesture of poor etiquette that would also allow her to launch it at his eyes without shifting her body weight. "Telling you up front: if you're here to bribe me for the big competition, go to Shika first. Weeding out stupid ideas before they get to the people who matter is in his job description. I pay him in cookies."
Shikamaru accepted cookies as payment. This information could be tactically useful somewhere down the line.
"I just wanted to unwind," Hazō said. "Things are crazy back at the estate, they're crazy here in the village proper, and I feel confident in saying that they're pretty crazy in the rest of the world as well. It would be nice to have a couple of hours with someone who has a sense of humour and can spare a little time to use it."
Ino took a few bites out of her flambéed rodent. "I suppose I can do that. Mind, you're still in the middle of paying back the karma for what you did to Akane. But on the other hand, she seems happy enough being your clanswoman now, so the jury's still out."
"What's a jury?" Hazō asked.
"Chakra catfish," Ino said. "So what did you want to talk to Leaf's best and most gorgeous about? Is it fashion? Because I should warn you, Lightning-style winter cheongsams are on the way out. Great status symbols while they were in—what with there only being the one crate imported—but nobody can fight weather, at least unless they have a certain rare ninjutsu you shamelessly spilled the beans about.
"You do really need to work on your colour coordination, Hazō. Red and green didn't work for Jiraiya, and it's not working for you. Hit me up some time if you want me to do you a favour and make you look less like Naruto's long-lost cousin."
"Duly noted," Hazō said, suddenly self-conscious about wearing an outfit that, until the last few seconds, he had imagined to have a timeless kind of quality, like the black pyjamas Academy trainees used for particularly cruel stealth training.
"Not fashion, then?" Ino asked briskly. "Then boys. Hey, is your brother still available?"
Hazō choked on his drink as if a condor had gone down his throat.
"Asking for a friend. Anyway, what's the deal with you and Ami?" Ino leaned forward hungrily, though without lowering the fork. "Star-crossed lovers? Battle buddies? Nemeses fated to battle each other lifetime after lifetime?"
"No idea," Hazō confessed. "I'm pretty sure we're not lovers, what with me not being dead of Keiko, I'm positive I'd remember if I had multiple lifetimes of Ami, and I don't think we've ever stood side by side, except maybe for Keiko. I think technically we might be siblings?"
"Your family tree sounds more like an octopus tied in a knot," Ino said approvingly. "If I could write, I would be halfway through Hōketsu Gazō and His Chamber of Secrets right now. If you end up marrying any of your siblings or technical siblings or siblings-in-law or Tenten—what? I'm not blind—I will be expecting a detailed report. Except if you marry Akane, in which case I will murder you because you've done enough to that poor girl who is too forgiving for her own good."
"I am not going to marry Akane," Hazō was about to say, but somehow the words stuck in his throat. At least the condor was going to be in good company.
"Changing the subject completely," Hazō said, "how have you been? In a non-fashion, non-boy way?"
The fork stopped spinning.
"Well," Ino said lightly, "I lost my father a couple of months ago, followed by my entire extended family, plus a bunch of financial assets and orally-taught ninjutsu which I could really do with in order to rebuild the clan I wasn't supposed to inherit for another decade or two, plus my technical not-sibling is going through the exact same thing and there's nothing I can do to help him because anything I can do for him, I should already be doing for the Yamanaka. Any further questions?"
"I'm sorry, Ino," Hazō stammered. "That isn't what I wanted to…"
Ino shook her head. "No, my bad. You wanted to unwind. And besides, things aren't that bad. Chōji and his dad are managing a whole bunch of cross-clan practicalities so we don't have to, and I've got Akane when I need her, and I can entrust Shika to Keiko, no problem. Girl's useful and adorable."
"Adorable?" Hazō said incredulously. There was exactly one person in the world who might conceivably describe Keiko as adorable, and that person was so biased in her own way that she made Hyūga look like a champion of social equality.
"I just want to take her home and put her on a shelf," Ino confided. "But my shelves aren't big enough to carry teenage girls—though I'm keeping the option open—so I guess Shika's bed is the next best thing."
She stopped to process her own words. The fork clattered onto the plate.
"Unthink, brain, unthink! Ahh, that's better. Hashirama's enormous wood, it's great to be a Yamanaka."
"Changing the subject completely again," Hazō said, "I was actually wondering about Leaf humour. I keep noticing a lack of sharks in casual conversation, and it's making me feel almost like I'm in another village."
"Leaf humour?" Ino asked. "All right. Here's a riddle for you. Three travellers are on a cart going down a forest path. They reach a clearing, and they see a sheep. The driver looks back and says, 'I'm not from around here. I'll buy a beer for whoever gives me the best advice on what to do with that sheep.
"The trader says, 'Great. Free sheep. Let's catch it and have ourselves meat for dinner tonight.'
"The farmer says, 'Are you crazy? You don't get a sheep wandering around in a forest on its own. It must be a chakra sheep. Take a detour.'
"And the ninja in disguise just smirks and starts doing hand seals. 'What sheep?'
"Now, Hōketsu Gazō, can you tell me what each one of them did wrong?"
Hazō glared at her for the nickname, which he had a horrible suspicion wasn't going away any time soon, and could only hope wasn't contagious. Then he began to think.
"Well," he said, "wild sheep are pack predators, right? So the trader's wrong for not being suspicious."
Ino nodded. "Civilian common sense. If you're in the wilderness and see anything, you run. If you don't see anything, that means it's too quiet, and you run."
"The farmer…" This one was harder. If it was a chakra sheep, then giving it a wide berth could only be a good idea. Unless staying away from the sheep made you vulnerable to something worse, or gave it time to build up more power, or the sheep was a sign that you were already under predator genjutsu and you had to confront the heart of the illusion in order to be able to escape before you were eaten…
"All right," Ino said, "I guess you don't have chakra sheep where you come from, so I'll make this a freebie. If you have line of sight to a chakra sheep, then a chakra sheep has line of sight to you, in which case it's already too late to run. You may as well act as if it's something you can survive which just happens to look like a sheep."
"That makes sense. We say the same thing about chakra chameleons. If one lets you see it, it's because it will no longer make a difference."
"I didn't realise they had chakra scorpions in Water," Ino said. "So what did the last one do wrong?"
"If there's no more sheep, then you can't tell who was right? Or maybe killing it attracts more predators, or makes it self-destruct in a huge blast?"
Ino shook her head. "You're overthinking it. What the ninja did wrong was compromise his disguise, so now he'll have to kill all the witnesses and cover the remaining journey on foot—which will look suspicious at his destination and could endanger his mission."
Kill all the witnesses. All fifty witnesses.
Hazō gave a smile that was pleasant, rather than tortured, only thanks to hours of mocker- err, practice with Noburi.
"My turn," he said after a lengthy pause. "So one night, a Hoshigaki stumbles into an underground broker's shop in a panic. 'You've got to help me,' he says. 'I told my brother I'd bring my new girlfriend to his wedding tomorrow, but she got arrested for treason this afternoon, and I can't tell him something like that on his wedding day. I need someone to take with me, but I can't afford to pay for a professional escort.'
"So the broker thinks a little, and smiles, and he says to the Hoshigaki: 'I have the perfect solution. I'll let you pay in instalments, and you can use my loan shark.'"
Ino looked at him blankly.
"The Hoshigaki are the shark clan like the Inuzuka are the dog clan," Hazō explained awkwardly.
"Oh, now I get it!" Ino gave a gracious smile. "We don't make fun of the Inuzuka much. It's like shooting fish in a barrel—which is probably popular entertainment in Mist, now I think of it."
"Actually," Hazō said, "we use fishing as a trial of manhood. You can't tell in advance what kind of fish is going to bite, and it could be anything from a kasagin to a chakra megalodon. It takes guts to go fishing off the coast, even if you're a ninja. The Angler of Attack championship is like the Chūnin Exam, only it's against the ultimate opponent—nature—and that makes it a lot harder. The Mizukage provides the prizes because he thin- thought that survival fishing expresses Mist's ideology of man overcoming the natural world and absorbing its strength."
"You sound like you're still into it," Ino observed neutrally.
"You can't do proper fishing in the Fire Country," Hazō said. "Not that I've really had time to try, but your freshwater fish don't even bite your arm off if you tug on the line at the wrong moment. It's like hunting tamed sheep with ninjutsu."
"Well, obviously," Ino said. "Leaf is the bastion of civilisation and refinement. Around here, we read poetry at each other. It can get very heated."
"Poetry."
"Sure," Ino said. "The Third was an amazing old-school poet, though people had to beg him to publish his work. Lord Akimichi's well-known in certain circles. And Shika's dad was awful, but people still read his work because he got the technical level perfect and everybody wanted to learn from him. The Fire Country has the oldest civilisation in the world—obviously—so we've got a cultural heritage going all the way back to the Sage of Six Paths."
Hazō raised an eyebrow. "And you?"
"I'm more of a popular fiction kind of girl. Still…
Beneath the cold snow
He dreams impossible dreams.
I fear for us all.
"You can't be a clan heir, much less clan head, without a proper classical education. Nudge nudge."
Hazō rolled his eyes. "Well, I'll just have to go sign up for remedial classes while the wealthy, influential clan founded by my clanless orphan stepfather runs itself without me. Maybe I'll ask my Mist-educated clan consort sister to look in on it when she's not too busy running a third of the village."
A shadow passed over Ino's face, but only briefly.
"Touché," she smirked. "Maybe you're in with a chance after all."
"You mean in the competition?" Hazō gave his own smirk back. "The Gōketsu Clan welcomes all challengers."
"Yeah," Ino agreed. "In the competition too." She looked down thoughtfully at the strawberry cake (the availability of strawberries in winter probably had something to do with the number of zeroes in that menu). She raised the fateful fork. "But enough talk. Have at it!"
-o-
You have received 2 + 1 = 3 XP.
-o-
Kagome dithered a little over the Shadow Clone Technique, insofar as he was uncomfortable with the idea of another ninja with all of his knowledge wandering around, especially given that the copy would be as sensibly but dangerously suspicious of him as he was of it. However, Hazō persuaded him by highlighting the practicalities of never having to take time off research, even when seals needed scribing. He also commented that Kagome could now have a permanent disposable prototype tester who would pass along detailed memories of how the prototype failed, but was thrown into silence by two words: "Out contamination".
That said, the odds of a specialised sealmaster having the chakra to use it right now are low.
-o-
The paralysis experts Ommonē Clan have lost their drive with the recent death of inspired clan head Sae. They may be willing to sell an adoption slot in return for rare ninjutsu, which would allow them to pursue a new vision for the clan.
The Daisho Clan have kept themselves politically relevant by having a sealmaster in every generation—until this one. With the rise of the KEI, their hopes of adopting a non-clan sealmaster any time soon have plummeted, but they still want their adoption slots on that million-to-one chance. Preferential seal trade terms, however, are the next best thing, and may be an option for persuading them.
The Shihō Clan were once in the top seven non-voting clans, only to undergo a great collapse when precious ally Shimura Danzō died in a tragic accident, and the dissolution of his clan meant their investment in him and his cause could never be repaid. They have learned their lesson well, and no longer care about lump sums of payment. Instead, they are building sustainable income streams with which to fuel their return to power, and can always be bribed with more.
-o-
Asuma appreciates the copied seal list, and will check it against backup records, but he implies that your list is incomplete relative to the Tower's.
He is willing to accept a transfer of mortgage from the Orochimaru estate to the Gōketsu estate, but is not going to fight Orochimaru over whatever back rent etc. the latter feels you owe him.
-o-
Any Yuno punching scenes are hereby officially left for @eaglejarl, should he desire them, with the note that Yuno was last seen in combat in Chapter 49 (poor Noburi).
-o-
What do you do?
Voting closes on Saturday 18th of January, 9 a.m. New York Time.
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- Location
- Yes.
HAZOU: *internally* Well, duh.
- Location
- The Maple Syrup Mountains
So there are chakra sheep, but even the regular sheep are predators? Are there any non-chakra herbivores on this planet?
Zabuza
Yeah, whereas Leaf is just a less evil dictatorship. Progress!"what's a jury"
I always enjoy the reminders that for all his Morals, our crazy main character remains the product of an evil dictatorship.
- Location
- France
Civilian humans.
- Location
- Yes.
Anyway, adoption slots.
tl;;dr Vote Daisho.
- I don't think we don't have rare ninjutsu we aren't already considering for the competition, so unless we wanna fuck with the Ommonē and make them our enemies by giving them shit that quickly becomes widely available (or convince someone in our clan to give up more jutsu for them specifically), they're out.
- Sealing is our jam and with so many sealmasters dead our value as sealmasters goes way fucking up. If the Daisho want seals we can help. Hell, depending on what's going on with their current generation we can offer to have Kagome teach them or something. Guy worked with Jiraiya of the Sannin, no way in hell they'd pass that up out of hand.
- While we have income streams, they're still fledgling and we don't want to push that button too hard. Offering the Shihō some of our income isn't the worst option, but I don't think it's the best.
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
The Fire Country goats have bone plating, and the Snow Country deer are three metres tall and breathe fire, but neither have been called out as carnivorous.
- Location
- The Maple Syrup Mountains
Given how few sealmasters there are, I kind of assume that Jiraiya's worked with most of Leaf's other researching sealmasters at some point or another, and the time Jiraiya and Kagome had together to collaborate is also pretty small.
Instead, just impress them with Kagome's actual talent, since the fact that the Daisho have had a sealmaster every generation doesn't mean they weren't bang'n'store sealmasters (though odds are a focused sealing tradition like they have will have at least a couple times included a really good sealmaster or two).
Noumero
Omit Needless Words
Meaning they leave no witnesses.
- Location
- Yes.
Can I just add that the "sealmaster every generation" was thrown about when discussing the Kurosawa Clan and the Iron Nerve, and was mentioned by Mari to be statistically improbable?
I'm going to predict that the clan has some sort of Bloodline Limit that helps them out with sealing or calligraphy.
- Location
- USA
- Location
- Yes.
faflec.reaction
- Location
- Book Fort
- Pronouns
- They/Them
This feels a little bit too similar to Rome's perception of anyone not-Roman as a "barbarian." Elitist prick.
Sarcasm aside, I'd genuinely love to learn how romance and courtships work in Leaf.
Edit: How funny would it be to have Hazou fall for someone, only for it to turn out that the person in question has already "claimed" him by Leaf standards?
The answer is "all of the above and also some reasons you didn't think of." When dealing with a social expert, always assume that you're missing signs or not reading deeply enough into things.
This... this genuinely hurt my heart a little bit. I'm actually surprised that Ino was able to shrug off her own shock.
She's talking about Hazou. Beneath the snow-cold morality she thinks that he has --which might be melted by exposure to/acceptance of the Will of Fire --Ino is aware that Hazou has dreams on a similar scale to what the Shodaime once had, and she's worried about what it'll mean for the Elemental Nations. Change scares people.
Edit: Or maybe she's scared because of Hazou in a more direct way? She worries that he might end up like Orochimaru, casting away his humanity and his heart in pursuit of his goals? Ino might see Hazou as a budding force of change, and that no one (not even Hazou himself) knows if he'll become the next Hashirama or the next Orochimaru.
I think. Maybe.
She's trying to tell Hazou something. But I don't know what. I'm dangerously close to Anime Protagonist levels of oblivious --just ask my partner, seriously there are stories for days --so I don't know what she's trying to say. But I know she's trying to say something.
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