Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
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- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard open voting
- Location
- Phoenix, AZ
Mostly, you have to be willing to be in pain and make your feet hurt a little more with each step. I certainly think many ninja would qualify for this. Also, if almost everyone is injured like this, then it's less of a handicap.
Basically, I'd imagine *some* players might drop out, particularly the ninja who don't really imagine themselves getting into the tournament, but any determined players would stay in the game. Then again, we're going to ISC first, so there's a decent chance we get talked out of a full rampage or betrayed before we can enact a full rampage and the only injured people (by us) people will be our blue team.
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
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- She/They
I think we've strongly precommitted to doing the rampage, enough so that ISC wouldnt be able to social us out of it. As Keiko said, its rampage or bust.
- Location
- Phoenix, AZ
I sure hope so, though between their social skills and their ability to backstab us after joining us, I am concerned about talking to them. For instance, it'd make a fair amount of sense for them to try to join us in the rampage, then just betray us near the end, unless they are really confident in their scores thus far (which they might be, but I wouldn't count on).
- Location
- Potato land
On the other hand, Hazou is the kind of person who wouldn't expect betrayal from his close allies at this point. Maybe Dark Hazou is different, though.
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
I dont think that betrayal is super likely. Its in ISC interest for us to do well, and they should have enough of a point cushion by now that losing out a bit doesnt place them into a truly horrible position.
Dark Hazou just had to sit through a Reason You and Your Mother Suck speech. If he gets betrayed mid operation by allies before the completion of "Punch the shit out of everyone" I expect said betrayer to be punted clear through fhe nearest wall at the next available opportunity.
I dont expect fhis would go over well if it was from our stalwart allies ISC. This is a bit crucial for our clan so betraying us now would be a politcal knife to the back from the Nara.
I think Shikamaru is cognizant of the fact that the short term benefit (they get boosted up in this particulr exam) is not worth the price of our enmity.
I notice that you cut off the part where they're also going into a likely combat situation. That's honestly a larger part of it. If there were some essential mission involved it might be another story, but I have serious doubts about people risking further injuries when they're likely already too far down in the hole to get into the tournament anyways.
- Location
- Phoenix, AZ
Right. I didn't include that part because I've never gone into combat and don't know of studies about people fighting when injured, hence why I only included what I have first hand anecdotal evidence for. I know of many ex-military people who have told stories about fighting while injured, and ignoring wounds to do stuff, and shipping out when stuff is physically wrong with them, but that's all second-hand anecdotal evidence, which is a bit far for me to volunteer unless pressed. I do know that underestimating people's gumption is generally not a good thing to do, particularly people used to physical hardship (which I assume all ninja are conditioned to). People are remarkably durable and often that durability is tied together with a bullheadedness which ignores common sense in order to achieve random goals.
As additional anecdotal examples: I know a guy who hiked ~20 miles a day starting two days after getting a 10 mm kidney stone removed. He peed blood for the first three days he did that, and so far as I can tell was in constant agony but he did it anyways. I know a guy who got to a town with an infected and yellow foot, then decided he didn't want to wait for it to heal so just kept walking on it. I know a girl who got shin splits and was told she'd injure them more if she kept walking, but she kept walking for another 500 miles. The primary reason these people did these things was boredom, despite the fact that each of these actions came with a significant long term risk. I don't think assuming that the child soldiers will have significantly less gumption than Appalachian Trail thru-hikers who are just doing things for fun is a solid strategy. I think some will drop out, but I'd be surprised if that number was more than half of the injured people.
Edit: having thought about it, I do know a woman who was in bootcamp and continued training and fighting with a broken foot at the drill instructor's insistence, so that would be evidence of a combat situation (similar to this one) where a soldier is told to do training or performance exercises despite it having a decent chance of damaging them and their future combat capabilities.
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- Location
- The Void
- Pronouns
- She/Her
There's lots of instances where athletes will play hurt. Not only risking their careers but potentially millions of dollars in earning potential. I'd be surprised if many ninja dropped out.
Just one example is an amatuer wretler called Kurt Angle who won an olympic gold medal when he had a broken kneck
- Location
- Under a Rock
Worst case is an alliance of 30 shinobi feeding chakra to the most BS bloodline they can find, with Hinata telling them where to aim. With unlimited chakra and that many bloodlines, even an airtight 5sb cube wouldn't be safe.
We need to make sure that doesn't happen. Pangolin strike our red team the instant our timer runs out.
Tua
鸡肉面条汤
- Location
- شوربة الدجاج المعكرونة
In that vein, maybe we could convince Kato to do this for us and discourage people from either continuing or staying out of our way.
"I was there, man. Would you believe they were still holding back to save some of their trump cards for round 2? They promised to leave me alone next round though provided I don't interfere with their plans, maybe I can put in a good word for you if you want in on this deal?"
Auto correct, why do you hate me so?
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Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
We have some nice stuff we can promise Kato in exchange for him doing a variety of tasks for us, this is certainly a good idea to add to the list.
I was thinking about this earlier. Its truly frustrating that we cant leverage our full strength to deal with these stupid events.
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- Location
- The Void
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- She/Her
Even if Jiraiya does approve it, we would object very strongly.
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
Of course.
Chapter 196.1: Yes, There is Collusion
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Chapter 196.1: Yes, There Is Collusion
Hazō couldn't help thinking that approaching a Nara who was sitting in front of a campfire at night wasn't the smartest thing.
The team had taken precautions; the human members were spread out around half the circumference of the fire's circle. Panashe and Pankurashun had tunneled under where Nara was sitting and Panashe was using the Pantokrator's Listening Ears to keep track of what was happening above. Keiko, Pangaya, and Pandamonium were hanging back out of the light, and Pandamonium had a boulder already in hand. (Keiko had been offended at the idea of staying back, and Pangaya's attempts at mothering hadn't helped. Fortunately, the logical point made by literally everyone else that she could not be risked had been persuasive.) Hazō had wanted Noburi to stay back as well, but his brother had put both feet down, hard; he was done with being left behind.
All in all, they were as ready as they could be. If Nara's shadow grabbed anyone, Pangaya would knock them clear with a blast of wind and Nara would eat a faceful of rock, immediately followed by being dropped into a shadowless hole with a pair of pissed-off pangolins. There had been some debate about the possibility that there would be enough light for him to capture one of the pangolins and use it against the other, then get topside and use it against everyone else, but the idea was dismissed. There would simply be too many opponents with too many Goo Bomb seals for him to evade them all, and then Keiko and Pandamonium would take him out from range. Besides, it was an open question as to whether the shadow-control jutsu would even work on summoned creatures, since they lacked any trace of normal biology. Keiko was unaware of any instance of a Nara controlling a clone or an animal, but she was careful to state that she wasn't familiar with that many instances of Nara shadow control and therefore her sample size was inadequate for either stochastic prediction or deductive analysis. (The six non-Uplift members of Red Team One had looked at her strangely in response to that statement; Team Uplift just nodded and moved on.) Regardless, the chances that Nara and Chōji could hold off the entire group was negligible, regardless of what preparations or reinforcements they might have.
Despite all the precautions, Hazō was nervous. The fact that there was a parley flag on a stick just behind Nara and Akimichi was the only reason he was willing to talk instead of launching a preemptive attack that would force everyone else to join in—they could be pissed at him later if it kept them all safe now.
"Good, you came," Nara said as the team melted out of the darkness. "If you hadn't shown up soon we were going to signal for you."
"What do you want?" Noburi asked.
"For us all to win," Nara said. "Clearly you figured out that your only chance was to take out all other teams, destroy all documents, and imprison all red team members. What is your plan for the second round?"
"That's our business," Noburi said, a moment too slowly.
Nara nodded. "You have none. You will not be allowed to leave your facility, meaning you cannot take out the red teams again. Your scoring options in the second round are extremely limited, especially once me and my team convince everyone else not to attack you, thereby denying you the opportunity to make points from prisoners. Team Gōketsu was at the absolute bottom of the rankings at the start of this event; the rest of you may have a chance of getting into the tournament given the boost in points you will receive during this round, but the Gōketsu do not unless things go very poorly for the top-scoring teams next round. My squad, on the other hand, is nearly certain to make it in."
"Not if we kick your ass right now," Noburi said, teeth gritted.
Nara sighed. "Please. Give me some credit. Do you honestly believe I would be sitting here if I felt at risk?" He waved dismissively. "Besides, let's say you succeeded. You take out me and Chōji, then you go on to take out the rest of Blue Team One. You destroy our documents and take our word halves. You injure all of us so that we cannot perform well in the next round—you would need to, because otherwise we will simply destroy everyone else next round and still win."
"We'd win anyway," Chōji said flatly. "You're not going to cripple us, and anything less won't do it. We're a capture squad in an event designed around capturing people, and we lead the Exams. Like Shikamaru said, we spend the break day convincing everyone else to steer clear of you, so you won't score any points except the fifty for your documents. That's not enough. Then we make sure that all the red teams successfully get their documents and therefore earn enough points to leave you in the dust."
Nara nodded. "So we still win the event. Now, what happens next? Our fathers are told that we offered you an alliance and you chose instead to attack me, Ino, and Chōji, then injure us all in cold blood. They immediately re-evaluate their relationship with Clan Gōketsu in general and Jiraiya's Hokageship in particular. Do you believe that Jiraiya could retain the hat if the Ino-Shika-Chō alliance turned against him?"
Noburi and Hazō glanced at each other; neither could deny the truth.
"Hang on now," Doigama said. "It sounds like you're planning to cut us out."
Nara shook his head. "No, this will be to your benefit. I am speaking directly to the Gōketsu because they are key to making this work. I offer no disrespect to your abilities, but you are not capable of this 'defeat everyone' strategy without their support. Despite your skills, you simply do not have the chakra reserves to fight fifty other genin and win."
Doigama looked disgruntled but couldn't argue.
"Okay," Hazō said. "What exactly are you proposing?"
"You leave this site alone," Nara said. "You go and destroy the other three, as you were planning to do. You bring all the red-team members back here and place them in our cells. This makes no difference to you—all that matters from your perspective is that the red teams lose the points for being unconscious in a cell, and it doesn't matter which cell. We gain two hundred and fifty-ish points for the prisoners—a few red team members will likely escape—plus the fifty for having our documents. My squad will remain in first place for the Exams and the other six members of my group will move significantly up the rankings. They are currently all in the bottom quartile, making this an appealing offer to them." He snorted. "I feel certain that my team being assigned all bottom-quartile members was purely random."
An amused murmur went through the group.
"During the next round, Gōketsu will be paired with the weakest fighters possible—"
"Maybe not," Ikemoto said. "Mist can't be seen to discriminate too much."
Nara waved the protest away. "They will be. The Mizukage is attempting to make an alliance with Jiraiya, so it is to her advantage for Gōketsu to do well. She will place the weakest teams with Gōketsu in order to make it as easy as possible for us to convince the red teams to assault them, thereby allowing them to take as many prisoners as possible, thereby allowing them to reach the tournament."
Haga blinked. "That's...seriously twisted. You're saying that she's going to throw her own people under the wagon?"
Nara shrugged. "Coincidentally, all of the Mist genin who are blue team in this round, and therefore red team in the next, are from factions opposed to the Mizukage's family. Make of that what you will.
"Now, as I was saying, the Gōketsu will be paired with the weakest fighters feasible in the next round. During the break day, the nine members of my current team will work the barracks, convincing everyone that you attacked us and were fended off, thereby supporting the idea that we know how to defeat you. The six of you"—he motioned to the non-Uplift members of Red Team One—"will join in, explaining that you've seen what the Gōketsu can do and that it's critical for them to be crushed lest their victory in this round turn into a legend that will cement Leaf's dominance in the eyes of the Elemental Nations.
"During the next round, we will lead the allied red-team forces to assault the Gōketsu site. During the initial assault, Team Asuma will accidentally stumble into a Goo Bomb trap that removes us from the fighting. Gōketsu will defeat the rest of the alliance and place them in cells. The Gōketsu will then supply Team Asuma with the seals, pangolins, and chakra necessary for us to take out the other three sites. The six of you"—again the gesture to Gōketsu's allies—"and the six that I am currently teamed with will have your documents destroyed but will otherwise be spared, and will be given all the word halves of your blue-team compatriots, bumping you up the rankings yet again. This should result in Team Asuma as the top squad in the Exams, followed by the nine current members of Red Team One, with a handful of the other top scorers mixed in if they are red team tonight and manage to evade your hunt. The six non-Team-Asuma members of my current group will rank below the twelve of us but still above most other contestants.
"After the event is over, those of you without the chakra or relevant skills to fight in the tournament"—he looked pointedly at Ikemoto—"will announce that you are dropping out. There are three members of my group who will definitely drop out, and I would assume two or three of you would do the same. This means that the rest of us are clinched for the tournament and can settle our final rankings in the arena."
The only sound was the crackle of the fire as everyone digested that.
"So...you're going to win the event, and the Exams, without lifting a finger?" Fukai demanded.
"It's kind of his thing," Noburi said with a snort.
"How do we know you won't betray us?" Gomi demanded. "Maybe when you attack our facilities you take us out too." Haga looked at him in betrayal; he rolled his eyes in response. "Seriously, you saw how easily we went through that group back there, and they had serious firepower. If these guys come at us with full chakra, plus some of that chakra water so they can refill mid-battle, plus all the pangolins, plus all the seals that Gōketsu is handing out, do you honestly think we can hold them off?"
The girl looked grumpy but said nothing.
Nara shrugged. "First, the six of you will be spread as widely as possible among the blue teams tomorrow—I assume I don't have to explain why—so you and Haga are unlikely to be working with anyone else here tonight. That means that, even if we betrayed all of you, you would only be down another fifty points over what would happen anyway, so your risk is minimal. Second, it would not be to our advantage to do so. The Nara focus on the long term; the short-term gain from betraying you would be negligible given Team Asuma's current standing and it would poison our clans' reputations. In all the stories of the Nara clan, when have you ever heard of us betraying an ally?"
"You're planning on betraying your allies tomorrow," Fukai pointed out.
"By no means," Nara said. "First, it is their choice whether or not to join the alliance. Second, everything we will say is absolutely true. We did fend off the Gōketsu assault—the fact that we did it through diplomacy and political leverage instead of force of arms has no bearing. It is critical for those other teams that the Gōketsu be crushed, since otherwise their success will cement the view of Leaf's dominance. We will not attack our allies and we will give them fully accurate intelligence on what we know of Team Uplift's capabilities...at least, the capabilities that have already been revealed during the Exams. If the gathered red teams are able to push through the assault on their own, more power to them." He raised his eyebrows, looking around at each of them. "What do you think the chances are that two dozen chūnin candidates will be able to successfully defeat a Summoner and her creatures while fighting on a sealmaster's prepared ground?"
There was silence as everyone thought about that.
"How can you be sure we won't betray you?" Haga demanded. "During the rest day, we could tell everyone what you were planning. Then you couldn't put your alliance together."
"Why would you?" Nara demanded. "If my plan goes off as expected, all members of the red teams will be heavily penalized, catapulting you up the rankings." His lips quirked. "Plus, the Gōketsu would still be motivated to give Team Asuma their seals, pangolins, and chakra so that we can take out everyone else, thereby boosting the Gōketsu. If you betray us then the other squads will fragment in distrust, making it easy for us to defeat them in detail, and we would be motivated to target you specifically. All that betraying us would accomplish is to deny you the benefit of what is going to happen anyway."
"Okay," Ikemoto said. "I'm in. This is the best possible outcome for me. There was zero chance that I would make the tournament, but this plan gets me close enough that I look damn impressive. Let's do it."
"Me too," Doigama said. "I'm good, but probably not so good that I could make the top sixteen on my own. I'm not dropping out, though. If I make the cutoff for the tournament, I'm going to fight."
"Not me," Gomi said. "I mean, I'm in with the plan, but I'm bowing out of the tournament. Genjutsu spec is too fragile in a straight fight without support, especially since word is out that that's what I am. All they have to do is not look at me as they close and I'm done. If I make the top sixteen, I'm out."
"You could stay in until the tournament to deny us a slot, then yield when your match starts," Noburi said. "You'd be seen to have made the tournament and we'd be out."
"You will be above them in the rankings," Nara pointed out. "You will earn something like three hundred points next round, whereas they will earn roughly negative one hundred and fifty, depending on how many of their current group are together. This will be somewhat offset by the word halves they will receive, but you will have more of those as well. It is still to their benefit to cooperate, but you will be ahead of them in the rankings."
"You have this all sewed up, don't you?" Haga said, a trace of bitterness in her tone. "You've set it up so we have no option but to go along."
Nara shrugged. "You are free to not do so, but it would not be to your benefit."
"Fine," the girl growled. "I'm in. I won't tell anyone about this and I'll help talk up the assault plan for round two."
o-o-o-o
"Well, that happened," Noburi said, unbuttoning his fly. One hazard of using large amounts of chakra water: the constant need to pee. Everyone had decided that it would be wise to unload before the next assault and was taking turns stepping away from the group in pairs to do so. It was the first bit of privacy they'd had since the start of the event, and it seemed like a good chance to check in with Hazō.
"Yeah," Hazō said from the next tree over. "Trust Nara to figure out how to win without having to actually move."
Noburi snorted. "Yeah." He paused. "Okay, new topic: What was that with the proctor? I've never seen you get all dark and edgy like that. Don't get me wrong, it was impressive as hell, but it's not like you."
"She pissed me off," Hazō mumbled, in a tone that said very clearly 'I am blushing fit to set the air on fire.' "Like, really pissed me off. So much that it was cold and everything just stopped bothering me except for putting her down."
"Well, you sure nailed that one," Noburi said. "What are you planning to do to her after the Exams? I ask, of course, only so that I can estimate minimum safe distance."
Hazō mumbled something, but Noburi couldn't make it out.
"What was that?"
"I don't know, okay?" Hazō said, louder. "I got to the end of that sentence and couldn't come up with anything that sounded impressive enough that wouldn't violate opsec. I wasn't going to say 'I revolutionized warfare before I was fifteen' or talk about any of the non-combat stuff, right? And just saying 'I am a sealmaster' doesn't cut it—most people think that just means explosives and storage scrolls. The more esoteric stuff is rare enough that people don't really get it."
"So it was a complete bluff?" Noburi asked, incredulous.
"...Yeah."
It is very hard to pee straight when you're shaking with laughter.
Author's Notes: There will be no voting before the next update, as the current plan is still in effect.
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- Location
- Yes.
OH GOD THIS IS THE GENJUTSU TRAP IT'S NOT NARA AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
WE JUST FOUGHT AGAINST TEAM DOWNFALL THE MORI CLAN AND KUROSAWA CLAN ARE ON REN'S SIDE THIS IS A TRAP THIS IS A TRAP SCREAMING IN KAGOMEEEEEEEEEEE