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Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

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eaglejarl said:
QMs: And there was a big fog and bad things happened to you.

Players: Noooo! Wait, this can't happen, there must be a reason...um...uh...right, the misterators don't block line of sight!

QMs: ...bugger. Fine. *waves the magic ring of retcon*

Players: Okay, so, we're about to be attacked...I know! We'll use the misterators to block line of sight and then--

QMs: No, that doesn't work, remember? Misterators don't block line of sight.

Players: Huh? There was this one time (in band camp) where it blocked line of sight!

QMs: ...Oh, ffs.

:p
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It's okay, you can say faflec, he of Screams and Forgotten Lore.

...wait, is faflec an elder god?
 
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Chapter 197: Pangolin-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Part 1
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    • Chapter 197: Pangolin-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Part 1

    -o-o-Twenty Minutes Ago, Village Hidden in the Mist, East Gate-o-o-​

    "Yo Geki, looks like we have incom- ZABUZA'S BALLS! WE HAVE INCOMING!" Kurosawa shouted, leaping up from her seat at the table where the pair of proctors were playing go.

    Her partner leapt to the opposite side and rolled into a crouched defensive position to face the threat, at which point a hefty chunk of his brain short circuited.

    A blue-eyed boy with golden claws hanging from his belt was already leaping from the backs of one of the scaled monstrosities currently skidding to a halt before the gate, clutching a tightly rolled scroll in one hand. He stuck his landing in front of the toppled proctor station, and held the scroll out to Kurosawa with a mocking, theatrical bow. "Red Team One, mission accomplished," he drawled.

    Kurosawa took the scroll incredulously, then broke the seal and examined its contents. "Bullshit," she spat, throwing the scroll to the ground. "Dispel! What? Fuck! No way in hell!"

    "If you would go ahead and provide confirmation that this counts as turning our documents in, it would be much appreciated," stated the girl being reverently lowered to the ground by one of the monsters. "We're rather busy."

    "Listen here you snivelling little-" Kurosawa started, prowling toward the girl in Stalk Number Three: Superior About to Sentence You To Punishment Duty For Having The Audacity To Question Me.

    (Once upon a time, Geki had asked why the Kurosawa had so many specific movements, which had done nothing but earn him The First Eyebrow: "You Cannot Be Fucking Serious".)

    The tongue-lashing was interrupted, however, by an entirely separate kind of tongue lashing, one which started inside the snout over the girl's head and ended encircling Kurosawa's head, inches from actually touching her.

    "Summoner?" a voice in Geki's head inquired.

    "I appreciate your concern, Pandamonium, but I suspect that the skulls of Mist officials are less tasty than driver ants."

    "Summoner," that same disembodied voice acknowledged obediently, and the tongue flicked back.

    "...freaks," Kurosawa barked. She reached into her flak jacket and pulled out a red enamel token marked with the characters for 'first hour', flinging it at the 'Pandamonium'... thing before turning heel and marching back over Geki.

    The token bounced of the creature's armored forelimb and fell to the dirt. The girl, her face completely blank, simply picked it up, dusted it off, and gestured to be picked up herself. Collectively, wordlessly, Red Team One turned and began the run back to the fields of battle.

    "...we're gonna have to reset the board," Geki observed.

    "Shut up. I was losing anyway."

    -o-o-​

    "Nara," Hazou announced as he stepped back into the circle of firelight alongside Noburi. "I have some thoughts."

    In the flickering light, he almost missed the transient grimace on Shikamaru's face. "Yes," the other boy responded simply.

    "We'll need to damage the structure, and should let everyone know that you ransomed peace in exchange for Ino releasing Noburi."

    "Wait, what? Why me?" Noburi asked, looking up from poking at the fire.

    "Keiko's mind is a dangerous place, and none of the rest of us are necessary," Hazou replied. "The story we give needs to fool Kurenai, even with everything they know about all involved."

    "I… guess? In that case I might need her to talk me through what people report experiencing, in case I need to play victim," Noburi mused.

    Hazou nodded. "Good catch. Now, Nara, how to keep Kurenai from coming for revenge? Your team stumbling on a trap with the Byakugan on overwatch doesn't seem quite so plausible."

    Shikamaru sighed. "Kurenai's score is secure due to their performance in the second and fourth events, so long as they eliminate their Blue team swiftly and avoid further conflict next round. Hyuuga in particular cannot risk being injured and knocked out of the tournament."

    "Wait, does that leave space for us to get into the tournament?" Noburi asked, concerned.

    "...barely," Keiko answered distantly after a moment. "Between Chinin, Kongou, Mugiwara, and the number of solidly performing teams from Mist, I am confident the only way we send nine Leaf nin to the tournament involves making Nara's plan work.

    "Furthermore, it requires that we eliminate the remaining contestants as rapidly as possible." She stood and sheathed the knife she had been sharpening. "There is work to do be done."

    More to come tomorrow

    Am a sleepy Oli
     
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    • eaglejarl said:
    Only 3 of 1000 accidents were fatalities, or about 100 per day in a nation of 320 million people.

    Overall, cars are pretty amazingly safe.
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    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHJJJJJJJJJJJKKKKK wtf no

    0.01% chance of death per year on average is NOT safe. That's a 9-11 every month. The fact that two tons of metal barreling down the road also turns out to be decent insulation against ~500 kJ of energy that would otherwise turn you into peoplegoop is is irrelevant.

    Also: 10% again as many people are killed BY vehicles than in vehicles, and roughly as many people are seriously wounded by vehicles.

    eaglejarl said:
    You, dear clown, were the one who convinced us to roll back time in the fourth event because misterators don't block LOS. That quote you provided was obviously wrong because it does not accord with the way things have definitely always been. (Maybe when I find the spoons I'll see about fixing it.)

    QMs: And there was a big fog and bad things happened to you.

    Players: Noooo! Wait, this can't happen, there must be a reason...um...uh...right, the misterators don't block line of sight!

    QMs: ...bugger. Fine. *waves the magic ring of retcon*

    Players: Okay, so, we're about to be attacked...I know! We'll use the misterators to block line of sight and then--

    QMs: No, that doesn't work, remember? Misterators don't block line of sight.

    Players: Huh? There was this one time (in band camp) where it blocked line of sight!

    QMs: ...Oh, ffs.

    :p
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    I'm pretty sure that we used a lot of macerators then (at least a dozen or so), and at least one person also posted an physics analysis of sightlines and visibility. IIRC according to the analysis, the amount we used wouldn't have completely obscured visibility, but was enough to at least significantly distort shapes and perception through tens of meters of mist.
     
    Hm. Shikamaru seems upset at us. Probably for being so overt about politics during the last event.

    Either that or he's just stressed as heck.
     
    Looks like we'll only have to worry about 24 people assaulting us, though, if Hinata's team doesn't bother helping. Unaided by the Byakugan, and supported by Pangolin (and pangolin-style traps), our odds are looking up.

    Does Shikamaru intend to take out Hinata, I wonder?
     
    ...How fucking stupid can that girl be?

    I be surprise if we see her alive in the future. I be SURPRISE if the village hidden in the waves are still alive in the future. They practically wiped out. Any other village can go finish them off if the leaf doesn't. Remember the Village hidden in the whirlpool?
     
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