Chapter 423: The Ultimate Sacrifice (April Fool's)

As Hazō stood at the entrance of Sanctuary, the Arachnid capital, he wished the whole thing had been made of seals so he could burn a perfect image of it into his memory.

The city was a vast three-dimensional web suspended across a bottomless abyss. Silver strands of every size (some as narrow as Hazō's arm and others wide enough to admit a caravan) reached up and down from the walls, drawing complex patterns as they met and intertwined. Cocoon-like houses, each a different shape, sprawled between the threads or hung from them. And at the city's heart, at the conjunction of hundreds of threads, lay a shimmering rainbow sphere the size of a clan compound, dotted with entrances at every angle.

Looking around, Hazō couldn't see a single surface that wasn't being used for travel. Sanctuary had no concept of walls or roofs, and arachnids would shift from the top to the underside of a thread in order to keep going without getting in each other's way, or lower themselves to a different level on a thread of their own. Far beneath Hazō, a platform the size of a training field hung by a single extremely thick thread, a pack of small Arachnids using it to practice ninjutsu without risking collateral damage.

"Come, come," Kumouōkā said, presumably mistaking his silence for hesitation. "Mighty adamantine threads do not collapse from weight of tiny mammals. Are we Hornet Clan, to embarrass ourselves with crude nests?"

Hazō nodded without listening. He'd been annoyed at first to hear that Kumokōgō had been called back to the city instead of meeting them near the border as planned, but now he thanked the ancestors, the Will of Fire, the Sage of Six Paths, and anybody else willing to take credit. When this mission was over, the Human Path was going to witness an architectural revolution.

"You find us at bad time," Kumouōkā said reluctantly. "The weaverkin competition comes soon, so Sanctuary ugliest is."

"It's what?" Hazō choked out in disbelief.

There was a pause as Kumouōkā tried to figure out what was so hard to understand about its statement.

"Ah, mammals must have no weaverkin," she said. "So sorry for you. How do you live?"

When Kumouōkā realised no response was forthcoming, she carried on chirpily. "I wanted to be weaverkin, but was born mite. It happens. Anyway, every eight cycles, the weaverkin compete. Mother judges which new dwellings are finest. Gives them she to those who lived in worst, then casts those into the great depth, and all cheer. Competition soon, Sanctuary will be better than ever.

"Hope no evacuation, so that do not cancel," she added less chirpily. "Now walk. Mother waits, but mammal only four legs, so slow. Really, how do you live?"

Canabisu gave Hazō a smug look. The other dogs were too busy psyching themselves up to walk over a gaping abyss to take the opportunity.

It only took them a couple of minutes before they drew level with the first dwelling, a mound made of walls of tiny panels seemingly hanging unsupported in the air, their shapes interlocking like puzzle pieces that didn't quite touch each other. Only after a close look could Hazō see the superfine strands of silk linking them together.

"Skilled but derivative," Kumouōkā commented casually. "To make pastiche of High Weaver Kumori's work, only apprentice. If I weaverkin, I make twice as good. Four times. Well-made, so will not drop this competition, but maybe third, fourth."

"Is this for real?" Canabisu asked. "People put this much effort into building a house?"

"Nest is clan; nest is holy," Kumouōkā said in a how-do-you-not-get-this voice. "Almost as much as oath. You no give to nest, why be?

"Come, come. Mammal face changes many ways. Want to see how changes when you palace inside see. Inside is four times as great as outside. Eight times. Only High Weaverkin renovate."

The team walked on, accompanied by disturbing chittering noises as arachnids above, below, and on parallel strands paused in their daily routines to watch a strange and unfamiliar species being escorted the way one escorted fellow sapient beings.

-o-​

The size of the Orbularium, the Arachnid palace, made a lot more sense when Hazō beheld its most important inhabitant. Cannai could vaguely fit within Hazō's mind as "a dog but large", at least before the Alpha's body was eclipsed by his force of personality. Kumokōgō, if she was literally Kumowasha's mother, must have been of a species where the female was much greater than the male (insofar as such concepts applied to the artificially-created summons). There was no arachnophobe on the Human Path who would not faint cold at the sight of their reflection in her many kickball-sized eyes. Hazō himself, not an arachnophobe at all, could suddenly empathise with them like never before.

It didn't help that the large oval chamber was filled with other arachnids, who might have been Kumokōgō's court, officials pausing in their duties to gawk, an elite guard ready to fill him with venom at the slightest perceived offence, or just about anything else. The chittering was giving him goosebumps. The dogs, who had never met an arachnid before, were faring worse, and their concentration was on standing bold and definitely not cowering. Canabisu seemed happy to let Hazō lead the negotiations this time.

"Silence, children," Kumokōgō hissed. "Visitors from afar, news comes before you. I am Kumokōgō, mother and guardian, ruler and slayer. I grant hospitality, I receive wisdom of seal-maker."

"I am Hazō of the Gōketsu Clan, Dog Summoner from the Human Path," Hazō introduced himself. He bowed deeply—even if the gesture itself was meaningless to an arachnid, the fact that he was making a gesture would surely be recognised by a monarch. "With me are Canabisu, Canault, Cangue, and Cantelabra, emissaries of the Dog Clan of the distant east."

"A rare gift, to meet a youngest child of the Great Maker and hunters of legend," Kumokōgō said, raising herself slightly to reveal a blood-red hourglass marking on her lower abdomen. "Let us exchange many tales, once Eaters driven from this land. But wisdom cuts before thread frays. We shall speak wisdom.

"By ancient oath, Hazō of the Gōketsu, we learn no sealcraft. You are a maker of seals, true it is?"

"That's correct," Hazō said. "I'm not the greatest sealmaster on the Human Path, or even in my village, the Village Hidden in the Leaves. But if you show me the seal, I should be able to make a copy and take it back so I can study it together with the others. I think that's our best chance to figure out what's wrong with it and find a solution."

"It is well," Kumokōgō allowed. "Of one obstacle let us speak."

"The Dragon Clan?" Hazō asked.

"Of one obstacle first," Kumokōgō said. "By ancient oath, only she who leads the Arachnid Clan may lay eyes on the Great Seal. So has it been for a thousand years. So must it be for a thousand more."

Hazō frowned. "Can you make a copy? No, wait, that's no good. A non-sealmaster copying a seal is a terrible idea."

"To meddle with the seal without knowledge fills me with terror also," Kumokōgō agreed. "The Great Maker commanded the clans to no seals make. If he feared, what of us?"

"Then can you make an exception?" Hazō asked. "I know it's a lot to ask, but it sounds like you're in an existential crisis here."

"Not 'we'," Kumokōgō corrected. "All."

"What do you mean?"

"The Dragons are not like other clans. The Dragons served the Great Maker. In other Paths they fought, with the Maker they soared between, until for oathbreaking Seventh Path was made their prison. But from eating, the Eaters regain stolen strength. Before the Maker crafted his seal, they devoured the Archaeopteryx Clan and regained wings. They devoured the Ankylosaurus Clan and regained scales. When they consume the power in the other clans vested and prismatic the skies become, they shall surely regain the art of parting the veil. Then the Great Maker's home shall be the first target of vengeance."

Hazō had been right all along. The Eaters were terrifying eldritch abominations. The Eaters were an existential threat, not only to distant clans in a distant world, but to everyone and everything without exception. And if all that stood between the Human Path and the end of all things was how much they needed to eat before they were back to full strength… this was no longer a matter just for Hidden Leaf.

Hazō's mind began to spin. Leaf's summoner dominance would work against it. Without a way to independently confirm the information, the other villages were unlikely to contribute some of their most valuable ninja to cooperate with an implausible-sounding Leaf project. What would suffice as a show of good faith? Donations of resources? Clan secrets? Would Asuma even go for something like that?

The wheels spun faster. Didn't Akatsuki have a summoner? But depending on how things played out in Rock… yes, there was a chance that Hazō had badly stabbed himself in the foot by sending Hidan against Leaf's greatest enemy. Belief in a pre-existing Leaf-Akatsuki alliance out to get Leaf's rivals would be a great reason to dismiss Akatsuki's testimony supporting the project.

Then again, Akatsuki were Akatsuki. Could they force

"He who hesitates is preparing a lie," Kumokōgō said meaningfully. "To be of one mind, both must speak theirs."

"Sorry," Hazō said. "I was thinking about how to handle this on the Human Path. But you're right. We need to sort out this oath business. Can you really not make an exception?"

There was an explosion of chittering. Suddenly, faster than his kinetic vision, Kumokōgō's huge eyes were nearly touching his own.

"You who are heir of the Great Maker, who stand here by contract, power of oaths mock? Oaths not words woven into the walls of Cathedral that Was. Oaths not whispers imparted by priestess to initiate. Oaths bind soul to body. Oaths make world. To mock oaths is to seek unmaking of world. Such must be only slain."

"I'm sorry!" Hazō exclaimed as the arachnids around him began to stir. "I misspoke. I don't intend to challenge the significance of oaths at all."

"Your apology accepted is," Kumokōgō said, scuttling back. "There is no second."

Hazō took a few moments to calm down.

"Still, if I can't look at the seal, then we're at an impasse," he said. "And it's your people who are in danger as long as that impasse continues."

"This is truth," Kumokōgō said. "But perhaps is one way."

"What is it?"

"Special right of ruler is. For noble deed, Mother may make consort ruler-in-spirit, grant authority if there is to be done. Is right not meant for use such as this, but maybe not violate oath. No, I say does not violate oath."

"All right," Hazō said, calling on the Iron Nerve not to sag in relief. "Let's do that, then."

"This is good," Kumokōgō said. "Hazō of the Gōketsu, do you swear loyalty to this one, Kumokōgō of the Arachnid Clan, to serve need and give body and mind, and to bring power to empty places?"

"Wait," Hazō said. "I can't just swear loyalty to another clan. I'm already loyal to Hidden Leaf, and the Alpha of the Dog Clan would have something to say as well. Even if it's to save the world, I have to at least get their permission."

"Is not oath to clan," Kumokōgō corrected. "Is oath from male to female only. For arachnid, is great honour. To save world, demand smaller than speck of dust."

Great. So instead of being asked to betray Leaf, he was just being asked to marry a giant spider. What kind of life did Hazō lead where these were the choices he had to consider?

"Is great honour," Kumokōgō repeated. "Rules must accept. Do not be at one with other females. Do not lie to Great Mother. Do not renovate Orbularium without permission."

"I have to at least speak to my current partner," Hazō said, "and there are people from whom I should seek advice before making this decision."

"Acceptance you already made," Kumokōgō said. "To turn back is dishonour. Dishonour to ruler is death. But… will make concession. Exists crime that breaks consort bond. When seal is remade, you commit this crime, I punish with exile. No oath broken is. Until then, you and I are bonded pair."

"…And you say the alternative is death?" Not that Hazō couldn't just return to the Human Path, but presumably he would then be barred from Arachnid Clan lands, and he wasn't sure what would happen to the dogs either.

"Yes."

"Fine," Hazō said wearily. "For the specific purpose of working together to defeat the Eaters, I will be your consort."

"It is done," Kumokōgō said. "Now come, let us consummate our bonding."

"Wait, what?"

Kumokōgō effortlessly picked up Hazō with her front legs, her grip strong as steel. "Is not consort without consummation. Fear not, I will seek to be gentle."

"Don't worry," Kumouōkā called after him as he was carried away into another chamber. "The strong ones survive seven times out of ten!"

-o-​

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-o-​

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Omake: Ino's Inner Turmoil
BRAIN: "You know, if Hazō loves Akane for being a hearthfire home for his heart (that which turns the compound into a home), and a moral compass Hazō that can always rely upon to slap him silly if he begins to drift more towards "Savage Uplift" out of frustration... then Hazō probably loves Ino for being a riptide. She's the hidden current that catches sailors by surprise and takes them out to sea. She keeps Hazō on his toes and makes him reexamine his thoughts and opinions. You should write an Omake about this."

ME: "Brain, why is it any time you have a decent MfD contribution, it's about saccharine sweetness of the romantic or familial variety?"

BRAIN: "Because they're all wonderfully written characters that have realistic and hidden depths, encouraging idle musings?"

ME: "That sounds right, but it's also missing a certain something...?"

BRAIN: "You're a hopeless romantic and think they're all adorable/dear/wondrous and so they occupy brain space, even when you really should be studying for finals, because you're too weak to resist the wholesomeness of this Found Family?"

ME [sighs]: "Yup, there it is."
If anyone has anything specifically saccharine in their action plan that's not covered by the previous one, let me know and I'll vote for it.

...also, with how often I say some variation of that, I should probably just go ahead and make that a long term voting commitment.

True to form...

Omake: Ino's Inner Turmoil

Ino sat at her desk, a mountain of paperwork in front of her, and was unable to focus on any of it.

Because Goketsu Hazō intrigued Ino. He was a study on contrasts and at first, Ino attributed his sheer weirdness to his Mist-origins. After all, Hazō was from a different country, with a different culture, and different teachings. So it makes sense, then, that Hazō –a native of Yagura's Bloody Mist –would stand out when placed in Leaf.

But that simply wasn't the case. Ino had taken the opportunity provided by the Chunnin Exams to study Mist. How had this placed birthed a person like Hazō? How had a country, so very different from Leaf, manage to raise a boy who positively reeked of Leaf's foundational philosophies? It had taken Ino less than an hour's observation to come to her conclusion: it hadn't –not intentionally, anyway.

Though Yagura was long-dead by the time of the Chunin Exams, Kurosawa's kageship was still in its infancy, and so Ren's Mist was still, by and large, Yagura's Mist in every way that mattered. And the more she saw, the more disconcerted Ino became. Civilians making loud and obvious declarations of loyalty to Mist's ANBU, hushed whispers of neighbors and children being secreted away in the middle of the night, constantly looking over their shoulders...

The Mist looked the picture of ninja-turned-slavers. Their civilians were reduced to near subhuman levels of panicked, abused submission, and Ino's proper Leaf sensibilities found themselves repulsed on a visceral level. A small, quiet corner of her mind –brought into existence by a lifetime of enduring Shikamaru's analytical musings and mere months of Hazō's perpetual, ideological prodding –wondered if Mist's Noble Clans were even safe against Yagura's infamous insanity. Further, what about the ninja who existed outside of a clan's aegis?

...And Hazō was raised as a clanless ninja, wasn't he? Ino could almost see it: a younger Hazō, and his too-earnest heart shaping itself against the Bloody Mist's norms. Where most ninja would have been numbed by being subjected to such systemic and unilateral cruelty, Hazō seemed to have roared in defiance against such a deadening. Where another's heart may have been hardened to stone, Hazō instead chose to bleed his heart evermore.

The idea struck a tragic note within Ino. A smaller Hazō– a familiar look of determination, now out of place on a child's face that was still rounded out by baby fat –consciously choosing not to fall into the casual cruelty that Mist had seemed to foster. Forcing himself to bear witness to the wrongs rooted into Mist's culture, refusing to accept the indoctrination of tradition, rejecting the happy, hollow lies peddled by Mist's leadership. Ino could see Hazō standing before such injustice unflinchingly, even as they cut at his heart.

Despite herself, Goketsu Hazō surprised Ino, too.

The way he acted with Akane was something straight out of a fairy-tale romance. The way Hazō's eyes brightened when she entered a room, the gentle exchanges of warm looks and soft smiles from across the distance of a room... it was the type of thing that people spoke about, and it almost seemed that with the Goketsu Clan and the rumors about Akane and Hazou were birthed in the same day. Whispers abound throughout the Gokstu compound about their Lord and Lady, and those whispers reverberated to and through to the Leaf's wider populace.

Already, Akane's time as a missing nin was being altered into a grand love story for the ages. She hadn't "betrayed Leaf." No, the Lady Goketsu had obviously went to go find her Hazō, because the young Lord –whose heart had been born true to the Will of Fire, and whose soul belonged to the Leaf –had fled the barbarous Mist and had become lost in the wider world while trying to make his way to his true home. Akane had guided her love, newly free of Mist's primitive brutality, out of the wilds and to Leaf. There were even some versions where Akane had been a secret agent of Hiruzen, sent to go and collect Hazō, the wayward Leaf nin, back to his true home.

Everyone with an ounce of common sense knew that this hadn't been the case, but it also seemed that no one cared. Instead, they chose to indulge themselves in the definitive love story of their generation –as though, by reciting the rumors and assuming the mantle of storyteller, they were able to play some small part in one of the few unambiguously good stories that their world had to offer.

But, of course, Hazō hadn't seen it that way. Hazō's bewildered look of confusion when she had refered to his romance with Akane as "fairy-tale" had been enough for Ino to tell. Oh, he unquestionably treasured his relationship with Akane dearly and obviously loved her with a depth that made Ino feel... small in comparison. But Hazō didn't seem to wholly understand how rare such a relationship dynamic was, beyond an indistinct intellectual level.

Hazō and Akane were equal partners, with a bottomless wellspring of respect and fondness for each other. They were companions and friends, and the power dynamics between them were things to be dragged out into the open and navigated, rather than lingering omniously in the shadows of silent understandings and unspoken agreements.

Akane knew, though.

Where Hazō had looked lost at the description of his relationship being "fairy-tale," Akane had a look of compassionate empathy, of warm understanding that communicated her recognition. Akane was more fortunate than most young women in her position, and knew it well. A clanless kunoichi, her prospects for love were never going to be great. Clanless and a woman who specialized in taijutsu, there were a million different unwritten tales of tragedy that could have, oh so easily, become reality –just as it had for a millon times before.

And yet Akane had found Hazō, and, in him, a romantic partner who assumed equality to be the norm, the default, the standard. And while that alone wasn't what made Hazō appeal to Ino –the overeager stumbling that hinted at future greatness, the magnificent shade of maroon his deceptively pale face could blush, the intense hue of blue Hazō's eyes became when he was particularly lost in thought –but to discount them completely would be to lie.

So it was to Ino's surprise when they asked Ino into their fairy-tale romance. Sure, she'd flirted with Hazō and gone through the motions of poking Akane for an answer –after all, Akane had given Ino the green light to continue pursuing Hazō –but she'd never really expected this. Against Ino's wildest fears (or, pehaps, in accordance with them), Akane and Hazō both wanted her to join their relationship, to be part of that fairy-tale romance. To share in those long looks and soft smiles.

Ino was delighted.

Ino was terrified.

But, together, maybe such fears were manageable.

----
a/n: I got to thinking about why Ino would feel so daunted by joining Hazou and Akane's romance. She agreed to it, wanted to ensure both of her partners understood the seriousness of their collective circumstances, and then left before they could talk to her. That reads, to me, like Ino needed to go and collect her thoughts –like Ino had mustered every ounce of her courage to agree to this Very Scary Thing That She Also Wanted Nonetheless, and then left before that same courage failed her. And while Ino's love story may not be as detailed or storied as Hazou's love story with Akane, that doesn't mean that their feelings are any lesser for that. It just means that they have more time to flesh it out.

Anywho, this omake has been on my mind since Vel's 427 chapter and I finally had the chance to sit down and write. Sorry for any SPaG errors or awkward phrasing/flow. I probably should've had breakfast first, but I wanted to get it out before I crashed from post-finals-exhaustion, so I basically sat down, wrote it out, and gave it a brief glance before posting.

I'm going to go eat some food and get some sleep. I'll come back later with a blowtorch, hedgeclippers, and a fine-toothed comb to polish it up. In the meantime... here you go?
 
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OMAKE: REQUIEM FOR A DREAM, Part 1
OMAKE: REQUIEM FOR A DREAM, Part 1
Inspired by a weird dream I had

<==>​

Lord and Lady Goketsu's hands clutched firmly together as they entered the gargantuan new construction in the northern lands of Fire. The facility was the latest effort to promote international cooperation and healthy (but notably less deadly) rivalries between ninja villages. This new complex, which Hazou himself had aided in constructing, could (and likely would) house all future chuunin exams, Kage summits, international training initiatives, and other exhibitions. The first formal event that would be held was one arranged by Mari herself - a global Taijutsu tournament. And Leaf would naturally be sending their best.

Leaf's tributes arrived in pairs spread over time. It wouldn't do for some "accident" to disqualify all of them right away. Lee and Haru were already inside the complex, and Hazou and Akane would be followed later by Lord Uchiha and Neji. Tsunade couldn't be arsed to come, and she grudgingly admitted her technique could use some de-rusting even if she felt like going, but Leaf would appear no less weak these next few days. Quite the opposite, as everyone knew of Tsunade, and soon the entire Elemental Nations would know about all six of Leaf's champions too.

Hazou and Akane entered the lobby, where a clerk immediately waved them over.

"Lord and Lady Goketsu - Leaf," Hazou told the clerk, flashing their custom signet ring as identification. The clerk took note, giving them each paper slips and pointing them to Leaf's quarters for the tournament.

They made their way through a cozy hallway, the smell of fresh paint and wood still lingering in the air. A lavish rug stretched across the floor, seemingly unending, and tables with statues of the fallen heroes of the Elemental Nations lined the walls, as well as artwork of important battles. The informational blurbs that sat beside them all were very careful to retain a neutral tone and praise something about each combatant, but Hazou still questioned whether bringing up old feuds was a good idea for a project like this.

"Hazou, are you okay? You're nearly crushing my hand."

Hazou blinked and let go. "Hmm? Sorry, um…"

She snatched his hand back and nearly crushed his hand, but in a much more affectionate way. "What's wrong?"

"I'm excited to show off what we've become, but now that we're here- not looking forward to seeing who Mist sent, I guess," he said, but as he spoke it, it didn't feel like it encompassed all of the dread that he was holding. It was like the place itself was weighing down on him.

"Sage, you don't think your mother will be competing, do you?"

Hazou paled. "I...didn't even consider that…"

Akane seemed very tempted to smack herself in the head, but kept her composure. "Hazou, it'll be fine. It's for fun anyways, remember? I know officially we're here to promote Leaf's image and garner international cooperation. And I believe in that too. But I also believe in kicking ass without worrying about whether I'll die in the process."

Hazou smirked. "That's not very youthful of you."

"Try saying that again," she warned teasingly.

They reached their door before Hazou had a chance to reply. The moment Hazou applied the paper slip to unseal their door, Haru was before them.

"Hazou, thank the gods you're here, this maniac-" Haru rambled, gesturing wildly at no one. He whirled around. "Oh Sage, where's he gone now?" Haru retreated to the corner in a fighting pose, his eyes wild.

Hazou glanced at Akane and shrugged, and walked in the room. He immediately caught the legs of a Rock falling from the ceiling in a surprise attack.

"You fell for it fool!" Lee proclaimed, crossing his arms and swinging them at Hazou's exposed head.

Akane caught his blow and said, "Lee, what are you doing?" as casually as was possible given the circumstances.

"We're surrounded by partners in the springtime of Youth, brimming with their passion. I can hardly contain myself! We must test each other constantly until this adventure crescendos into a climax. Come, brothers and sisters, let us grind each other into submission in preparation for this union of fellows!"

"Lee, we could get injured before the actual event. And then how could you, er, perform?" Akane replied.

Lee launched himself out of Hazou's grasp and landed on the tile floor. "An excellent observation. Perhaps the greatest test I can undergo now is to remain chaste and ready for the main event. In fact, I shall meditate for twelve, no, twenty-four hours straight, just to prove my endurance!" He ran across their sizable living room and up the stairs to a bedroom (on his hands of course).

Haru did not relax from the corner. "Akane, handling Lee is the scariest ability you have."

"Don't tell him about the nukes," Hazou said.

"...I know I'll regret asking, but what is a nuke?"

"The sound the air makes when I- never mind, you'll know soon enough," Akane said ominously, before heading up to their room to unseal their luggage. Hazou remained downstairs, picking through the kitchen's seal drawer for something to eat. He was famished from the journey, and Sage knows he'd need the energy in the coming days.


<==>​




The village champions stood assembled in neat lines. Leaf was very adamant that the minor villages receive equal treatment for the purposes of the tournament, so those that chose to participate stood among the major powers in lines of their own. Twelve villages overall. Seventy-two competitors. Hazou couldn't see Mist's line, but he'd gathered who they sent from Neji. A young Kurosawa, so no Momma, though she'd doubtless be in the crowd. A Mori that was probably definitely Ami. She'd conspicuously put a lot more time into learning Taijutsu since getting dunked in a bowl of soup by Mari a second time, in a story that had even impressed Momma. The others weren't people he had relations with, and were mostly irrelevant. The same went for the other villages. Just more obstacles to overcome.

Hinata had diplomatically requested the Hyuuga be placed at the forefront of Leaf's line, and the members of Goketsu didn't mind, as they were overrepresented as it was. "Heavy is the head that wears the crown," Keiko would say. Neji stood proudly at the front of their group, a glimmer of his old arrogance shining through his demeanour. It wasn't completely unwarranted. Apparently the Turtles were ruthless about training, and his Taijutsu defenses were unmatched. Even without his Byakugan, Neji was a beast, and his bloodline kept him at the top of his game.

The rest of them went without saying, too. Sasuke had always been a prodigy and his bloodline meant he could learn faster than any of them to boot. None of them knew as many styles and counterstyles as he did. Haru was a vicious offensive combatant and hit like a chakra bull in mating season. Akane's tenacity was unmatched and the simple fact was that she could outlast anyone (Shut UP Hazou's inner Mari!) Lee was either insane, or far more sane than the rest of them. There was no telling what his limits were. Literally. No one knew, or if they did, they were unwilling to share.

That left Hazou himself. After enduring just a bit too much friendly (but annoying) teasing about spending all his time saving the world the civilian way, he startled even Mari with his demand to grind his deceptive style to its peak. After a truly rigorous training arc, not even she could see through his tricky movement anymore, though he was pretty sure that so many Shadow Clone hours spent training with her maniacal teaching methods crammed back into one mind every day gave him lasting psychic damage.

And speak of the devil, Mari stood beside the other judges on a raised stone dais before them in a large auditorium packed with spectators, civilian and ninja alike. Each village was represented by a judge, and one by one they laid out the rules in a rehearsed order.

The first day would be pools. Short, simple matches to determine seeding. There would be a few rest days for any on-site medics and chakra donors to make sure everyone was at their peak, and then the main event started. A true ninja would be ready to fight under circumstances outside the norm, so seeded matches would all have some kind of twist to them, and yes, they would be extremely unfair. Should you lose a seeded match, you would be placed in Loser's Bracket, where there would be one last chance to claw your way to the finals. Eliminations from Loser's Bracket are final.

If you were knocked unconscious, you lose immediately. If the two combatants were unable to achieve a knockout, a point system would be used based on the number of landed blows and their quality. The twist of the round may also result in a variation on points or loss conditions. It wasn't stated, but Hazou suspected killing your opponent would be frowned upon. Then again, better that a few ninja die here than hundreds or thousands of people die in a war...

Jutsu use was, of course, not permitted. Anything that required a hand seal to activate was immediately banned, and would result in disqualification on use. Chakra boosting would be permitted, but shaping chakra in almost any other way would not be allowed. The bloodline rules were looser, but so long as you didn't use ninjutsu or genjutsu, it was probably fine. There was some pushback regarding this due to the disparity in access to applicable bloodlines, but eventually the villages reached an agreement. They were also not permitted to bring equipment of any kind to a match, no seals, no ninja wire, no kunai.

The speech circled back from the other judges to Mari. "And don't forget the most important rule: Have fun! That, or try not to break anything important. One of those, anyway." That got some laughter from the audience. "Okay, enough talk, let's get to seeding!" Hazou was absolutely positive he caught her winking at him.


<==>​


For the purposes of seeding, there would only be one judge watching each match at a time so they could run multiple fights at once. That would change in a few days, where all twelve judges would review every single seeded match.

Hazou's first match was against a girl from River. He tensed when he thought she was attacking him immediately, but she actually wrapped him in a hug. The judge, who was himself from River, gave Hazou a shrug. "Uh…" Hazou said, very diplomatically.

She gave him an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Lord Goketsu, it's just...Well, my name is Nakamura Akina. I'm clanless. Your diplomatic affairs with River let me get proper resources and access to training when I was barely scraping by as a chuunin. Now I'm here representing my village as one of their best. Thank you."

Hazou returned the smile. "Of course. Thank you, I think I really needed to hear that." He shifted into an opening stance for Roki. "Of course, I still won't go easy on you."

She shifted into her own battle stance. "Wouldn't dream of it."

Hazou went easy on her, of course. A clanless jounin taijutsu specialist from a minor village still wouldn't be outperforming one of Leaf's best. But he was happy to hear that perhaps one day they would.

<==>​


It seemed that the Pools would have him facing a person from each village, and he rolled through the other minor villages with relative ease. He fought a Cloud ninja who didn't hit very hard but launched an absurdly fast barrage of attacks. Hazou had to step back to look for an opening in the pattern of their attacks, before snatching an arm out of the air and pulling them into a not-quite-full-strength side kick, ending the match more or less immediately.

He faced another ninja from Rock whose blows did in fact feel like rocks, but Hazou allowed it as a way to condition his opponent. Soon they were putty in his hands, and a swift leg sweep while they threw out another kick brought an end to their match as Hazou barely stopped his fist from smashing through their head. The Sand judge easily ruled in his favor.

He got a quick heal at the medic station for his bruised rib, taking a seat next to Neji and a guy from Sand village while a medic examined him up and down. He gulped down a proffered cup of chakra water, while Neji told him about the Kurosawa from Mist.

"It's utterly bizarre. Almost a total inverse of your style. His actions communicated as little information as possible, and blows hit much harder than it looked like they should've. I was caught with a hook kick out of nowhere, but the power behind it…" Neji seemed unsettled. Maybe it was just being touched by a foreigner, Hazou mused. No, he's come a long way, perhaps Neji was right to be unsettled.

"I haven't seen them around yet, but thanks for the heads up. Here's hoping they get eliminated early."

"Who?" Neji asked, confusion on his face.

Hazou's eyebrows went up. "Uh, Kurosawa? We were just talking about him."

"Ah, were we?" Neji continued, "From what I have gathered by reading lips, he is currently favored as the number one seed."

Hazou whistled. "Really? So young, and seeded as number one?"

Neji looked at him quizzically again. "What?"

"You just said Kurosawa was favored as number one seed."

"Did I?" Neji asked, face scrunching up in thought.

Neji had to leave right after for his next match, leaving Hazou to consider his words. Someone (presumably) younger than himself, becoming the number one seed in a Taijutsu tournament? And what was wrong with Neji? Did he get a concussion or something?

Hazou didn't get much time to think, as he himself had to leave for his next match - and his opponent would be from Mist.


<==>​



Mari was judging this one. Joy. To make matters worse, his opponent was Ami. She gave him a neutral smile when he approached.

"Hi Hazou!"

"Hi Ami."

"That's all I get?" The disappointment in her voice felt fake, but for all he knew she wanted to come across as such because- eh, who cares.

"If you're trying to rope me into another scheme, save it for after the tournament. My energy's better spent somewhere other than trying to unravel whatever you're going to say."

Ami's obligatory facade slipped a fraction when Mari made a "tss" sound, imitating the sound of something burning, and Ami relaxed it further when she slipped into a battle stance, a confident and playful smile now on her lips. They played this game practically every time one of them annoyed the other. Normally, Hazou didn't mind it too much, but right now, he wanted to focus on the event.

Hazou prepared his own stance, and when Mari said "Go," they pounced at each other with ferocity. Hazou dodged past her and launched a back kick as he passed. Ami landed flat and kicked his leg from the ground, sending him spinning. He landed on his feet, almost casually. He transposed a spinning kick into a sweep into placing a foot behind hers and forcing her off balance. Everything was a move within a move within a move, except sometimes it wasn't. Sometimes the punch in her face was just a punch in the face.

He batted her swings aside, feinting a counterstrike before attempting a chokehold. She pulled away and kept him out of reach with a few well placed kicks he hopped back to evade. Hazou bounced in place, staying light on his feet. He leapt up, landing with an extremely telegraphed axe kick, just to see what she would do, and she retreated further. He frowned internally. It felt like he was the one being conditioned right now.

He punched with his left and right one after the other, and she weaved around them, a bit too slowly, as he snatched her ear and prepped a punch that was perhaps a smidge too strong. Just before he followed through, he caught a glimpse of her face, wide-eyed exactly the way Keiko was when Hazou was angry. The hesitation let her curve her neck to the side before kneeing him in the stomach and punching him directly in the center of his chest.

Hazou stumbled back, before stalking back toward her, furious, but Mari called out, "That's good enough. You guys can go get healed up now."

"How long did you practice that in a mirror?" Hazou asked through gritted teeth.

"State secret." She walked off to get healed while Hazou tried to figure out if that was a joke or not. Hazou took his sweet time going to the medic.


<==>​


Sand barely gave him any trouble, which left only Leaf. Hazou was quite tired, even with regular chakra water doses, but that didn't stop him from trying his best against Haru. Their match was more of a slugfest than one of real strategy. Hazou bobbed and weaved, attempting to wear Haru down, but he was hindered by the fact that they were both already pretty tired, and he didn't make much progress. After a minute or so of this, the Rock judge called the match and scribbled something down.

"Good match," Haru huffed.

"Mmm," Hazou replied noncommittally.

The rest of Leaf caught up to them shortly after. Akane smiled at them and asked, "How did your matches go?"

"Most of my fights went fine. Got matched up with Ami," Hazou said, still out of breath. "Mari called it before either of us were finished..." He willed to every god, even Jashin, that Rock Lee didn't reply to that. Luckily, Lee seemed to be preoccupied with watching the final spar between a River nin and a Hot Springs nin nearby.

"Ooo, I wish I hadn't missed that one! I had a duel with a girl from Hot Springs; her Tiger Style was most youthful. The impacts shook me to the bone, but I managed to push through. I won all my matches, actually," Akane said proudly. Only she could say that and not come across as boastful. Hazou would've said more if he weren't breathing so hard, so he smiled instead.

The others continued chatting while Hazou drank some water. After the only remaining spar ended, the judges convened to arrange the seeds of the tournament. The combatants were all dismissed to wash up in their rooms, but only a few actually did so initially. Everyone was too eager to see who they would be dueling two days from now.

Slowly, painfully, the judges made their way to the board, conversing with each other and referencing a sheet of paper. Hazou never knew a list would cause him so much dread. A betrayal of truly epic proportions.

Lines of chalk made their way onto a massive black board, and then names flowed, one by one. First seed, Kurosawa Yuzuru. Second seed, Goketsu Akane. By the end of it, Rock Lee ended up as third seed, Neji as fifth, Sasuke as sixth, Haru as ninth, and Hazou as eleventh. As expected, Leaf dominated the top, though not quite to the degree Hazou had hoped. Perhaps it was for diplomatic reasons? It would be pretty awkward if all the top spots were the same village.

They still hadn't announced matchups yet, though, and the disappointment on the faces of the competitors was obvious. The judges assured them that they would let them know soon. They also said that since there were 72 entrants, the first day would probably be a bye for most of the entrants, as 64 entrants would divide much more conveniently for a tournament. Hopefully it wouldn't be too much longer before the judges let them know who the unlucky 8 would be.

Hazou glanced at the other Leaf nin. Akane had a bright brimming smile at her performance and in anticipation of their upcoming fights, but Hazou couldn't shake an insidious sense of foreboding lurking in his heart.


<==>​



A few days later, Hazou sat in the stands with the largest contingent of Leaf audience members. There were technically no assigned sections, apart from honorable seating awarded to Kage and Clan Heads, but many of the villages chose to group up anyways. Hazou didn't bother sitting in the seat provided for Clan Heads, wanting to keep a close eye on the matches rather than worry about political maneuvering.

The first match of the tournament was the first and second seed, Akane vs. Kurosawa...what were they thinking? You were supposed to match up the strong and the weak first, so the results wouldn't skew by eliminating the better combatants early. He was under the assumption they wanted to start off with a little more excitement than watching nearly S-rank combatants pummeling new Jonin into the ground instantly, but there would be time for that at, y'know, the climax of the tournament! This defeated the whole point.

Or was that just a rationalization for concern for Akane? Why should he feel so sick to his stomach? She was a more capable taijutsu user than himself by now, not to mention that they weren't really risking their lives here. For once, they could demonstrate their skill without putting their lives on the line.

Akane came out from one side of the arena, waving to the raucous crowd. She picked out Hazou and gave him a reassuring smile. He attempted one of his own, but even the Iron Nerve couldn't save it as he saw her opponent emerge from the opposite end. That gray hair was uncharacteristic of a Kurosawa, evoking something oddly primal from within Hazou's chest. Fear.

The two stepped into the center of the arena as Hazou's mind itched. A massive stone pillar was raised beneath the two fighters, about 100 feet across in a perfect circle, halting once they were about 10 feet off of the arena floor. The referee from Cloud shouted something Hazou didn't process and green and blue leapt at each other. The impact of their blows were powerful enough to shake Hazou's teeth, and he found himself clenching them.

The stone dais' radius gradually began shrinking, a painful cracking sound emerging from the earth jutsu. Akane maintained the advantage, pummeling her opponent with wide, powerful swings, completely disregarding his returning strikes. It was as Hazou was told: Kurosawa moved with what looked like completely minimal effort, as if underselling himself.

A minute of nonstop traded blows ticked by slowly, so slowly, as Hazou waited for the sandal to drop. The shrinking of the dais halted at a circle 5 feet across. Akane's sweeping kicks and blows were becoming a hindrance rather than an advantage, with so little room to maneuver. She adjusted styles, taking on a more cautious, defensive style, throwing out quick jabs and punches before returning to a guarded posture. Kurosawa stood stock still between exchanges, no bounce in his step. He barely leaned out of the way of most of Akane's attacks, or lightly redirected them with a shoulder or wrist.

Suddenly, he struck as if uncaged after one thousand years of torment. He seized her arm as it flew past him, yanking her down into his upcoming knee. A crack rang out in the air as Akane flipped upward. Kurosawa leapt into the air, stomping downward, slamming her back into the rim of the rock pillar, before she rolled to a stop on the arena floor. Judges were screaming all sorts of things, declaring the match over. Some of the Leaf-nin around Hazou were standing up and yelling, some of them were bumping him or saying things to him but he couldn't hear them.

Hazou stood, slowly, making his way down the stands, stepping up on the railing and leaping into the arena. Probably against protocol or something, but he didn't care. Astonishingly, Akane was trying to stand up while the medics around her were furiously working to prevent this.

Noburi was snapping his fingers in her face with one hand, assessing her injuries with the other. "Do the words 'spinal injury' mean anything to you?" Under different circumstances, Hazou might have poked fun at how Tsunade's demeanour was rubbing off on him.

Akane's opponent lingered nearby. "I want to fight Kurosawa next," he said. He sounded as if he'd only just learned to speak.

The group of ninja that had been forming a wall between Kurosawa and Akane were moments away from creating an international incident. Hazou ignored him as judges forced Kurosawa away, trying to explain that that's not how the process worked.

Akane was looking up at him, face tight with pain but smiling nonetheless. Even all these years later, she could leave him lost for words. "How'd I do?"

"You were brilliant Akane," he managed. "I'd have never lasted as long as you."

An annoying background noise that somewhat resembled Noburi murmured, "Trust me Hazou, we know," with a mischievous air.

"He called you Kurosawa," she noted. "He seems fixated on you, Hazou."

Had he? Hazou didn't notice. It seemed hard to stay focused on that person for some reason. Hadn't the same thing been happening to Neji?

She continued, whispering, "That's why I took your place."

"Wait, what?"

"You were supposed to be the opening match. Kurosawa versus former Kurosawa… I, uh, know an insider, had them switch us." That would be Mari.

"But...why?"

"I...don't like his fixation with you. I thought he was going to try and hurt you during your match."

"Akane, he did hurt you!"

"So what?" she said, smiling. He sighed. They'd had this kind of conversation far too many times by now, and they both knew how it would go. Might as well skip to the end. Her smile faded. "I thought I could beat him. Guess I'm not as good as I thought."

"Don't you dare start thinking that. You wouldn't even be here if you weren't the best of the best."

She started to argue but they were accosted by medics who were ready to move her, and that was that. Quick goodbye and a kiss, and she was gone.

Hazou glared in the direction of Kurosawa, noticing that he was staring at Hazou. Maybe he did have a fixation. Hazou stepped that way, only to find that he was a̶l̸r̷e̵a̸d̵y̵ ̴t̴a̶l̵k̷i̵n̷g̵ ̷t̷o̵ ̷K̸u̴r̷o̸s̴a̷w̶a̷.̶

Kurosawa's hair was grey, his eyes purple. Wait, purple? Hazou squinted squinted squinted squinted squinted at the 898$@ before him:

"You look like…" Yagura.

"We see you," not-Yagura said. Hazou's mind ached. The Numbers floated in his mind, and he desperately tried deciphering them, as if trying to derive meaning from a dream.

"Bondwalker," Hazou said at last, but he spoke to no one. Hazou swiftly left the arena, not bothering to watch the rest of the matches for the day.


<==>​


Hazou unsealed stacks of notes in his room. He had realized at one point that taking notes when he had one of his bouts of deep insight could prove helpful. If not for himself, at least for Kagome, who seemed to be immune to most of the malus associated with such things. Trying to talk to anyone else about this was completely pointless. Even if they had the strength of mind to retain the information, they simply didn't possess the Understanding to listen to Hazou properly. His words would only wash over them...

Still, as his mind grew stronger over time, he had at least become capable of reviewing his own thoughts. The lists could still cause some pain to read, but he was capable of retaining the information at least. Not that he made a habit of doing so, since it was a double-edged sword. The more you knew and saw, the more they know and see you. Preparing against these kinds of foes made them more likely to come in the first place. Not to mention the way it tickled at the hole in the back of his mind...

We see you. He'd been told explicitly. He rifled through his notes. Well, I've seen you too.

What had he had he had he-

He breathed sharply and steeled his resolve, quieting his fears. What had he said earlier? He'd felt a pattern in the miasma… Bondwalker.

Kagome called them "Rules Lawyers" amongst other variations of "stinker". What did he have on them? Well, he knew that 495%85%((* th *I((9 and()*&&#34 ifififif8888,,,,but could099400-_$*$? What could he do???//??/ Spoils of contracts would be permanenetnenttt if it persisted ffffK39#9--! That would mean Akane's injuries wouldn't heal… If it won this tournament, this world would retain permanent scars. And who knew when Hazou would be able to find itttttttt again? Would it follow him from engagement to engagement? Or would it return to the shadows? Shaking, Hazou quickly resealed his notes, letting his mind rest. Already, it felt like he'd lost months of progress of building up mental defenses.

Akane...how did she know? He'd likely be dead or worse if he'd fought first like he was supposed to. He wasn't sure he was durable enough to take a fall like she had. And she was probably their best chance to stop this thing! Hazou ran his hands through his hair, only to find Rock Lee strolling into the common area of their shared rooms.

"Lee! You weren't at the opening match? What are you doing in here?"

"Meditating!"

"This- this whole time?"

"Yes!"

Oh Sage, the resolve… Hazou needed some of that right now.

"Lee, this might seem random, but," Hazou stopped, taking a few breaths. He couldn't explain it all to Lee, the information would just pass over him. As he thought, Lee waited quite patiently. "There's a... foe. A foe I need to stop. I absolutely can't afford to let them go free. But I'm concerned I'm not strong enough to overcome them. What would you do?"

"I would become strong enough to defeat them."

Well, duh. "Okay...what if you didn't have the time?"

"There's always time to find strength you didn't know you had, Hazou! Strength is more than the muscle in your blows. Strength is finding every advantage and taking it. Strength is also the courage to search for those advantages in places you don't want to look." Lee's eyes scanned over Hazou rapidly, sizing him up. "But I can see in you that you've already found the strength you're searching for, and are hesitating to use it. You will not win when you don't let yourself fight at your strongest."

Wow, that was actually pretty sound advice. "I'll remember that. And thanks," Hazou said, smiling. "Good luck in the arena."

"Same to you. I hope I get to fight you at your strongest. And speaking of finding strength, I must find some sustenance after my long meditation!" He moved swiftly to their stack of sealed meals in the fridge. Hazou was about to mention Akane's injuries, but he decided to let Lee recuperate from his torpor first.

Hazou thought back to his notes. Akane may have been a better hand-to-hand fighter than him, but he did have strengths she didn't. Knowledge that she lacked. Kurosawa, Yagura - whatever that thing was - its fighting style was indecipherable. At least, it was indecipherable for someone who's mind couldn't grasp the information.


<==>​



Hazou's first match of the tournament was against a ninja from Sand. He didn't even hear what her name was, as he scanned the crowd for "Kurosawa". He didn't see him, and almost missed hearing the gimmick of the round explained. They would be dueling in a hip-deep pit of water, no water-walking allowed. Hazou spoke words of affirmation for the match, and it began.

The Sand-nin scoffed. "You seem a bit distracted, Lord Goketsu."

Hazou nodded apologetically. "You're right. I didn't mean any disrespect."

"None taken. Now shaddap and fight me," she said with a smile.

Hazou did need to advance to handle the B0ndwaaalker, so he moved toward his opponent with little grace. Roki wouldn't be nearly as useful in an environment where he couldn't mix up his movement very well. Sure enough, only feinting with which arm he was using didn't do much to break through her defences.

He sloshed around, trying to weave, but it was exhausting and didn't gain much space for him to work with. His opponent could turn faster than he could maneuver around them. He paused, giving his burning thighs a chance to rest, catching a few fists thrown his way and pushing his opponent back.

He had a stroke of inspiration, feinting a swift blow. His opponent readied a defence, but he slammed his arm into the water, blocking out her vision. In a flash, he flared chakra through his legs, leaping up and slamming a kick into her head. She stumbled, but landing in the water without water-walking was something he hadn't practiced with the Iron Nerve. Before he could settle, she blurred forward, redirecting a missed punch into snatching his hair, slamming his face into the water. She wailed on his back while attempting to drown Hazou.

In spite of it all, he grinned below the water. She clearly didn't know much about Goketsu tradition. He conditioned her by trying to raise his head up, her hand resisting him. Then, chakra coils flaring, Hazou forced his head down, flipping his torso as his hands touched the bottom of the pool. His legs flew through the water, feet colliding with her chest. The unexpected reversal knocked her clean out of the water, ending the match by knocking her out of bounds.

Hazou burst up from the pool, shaking his long hair. They always assumed long hair was a weakness, but since everyone targeted it, Hazou had much more practice with those situations than his attackers had.

He climbed out to raucous applause, shaking hands with his opponent, who would move to the Loser's Bracket. Akane wasn't here, of course. She was still in the infirmary, baffling the medics as her injuries remained unchanging. Hazou couldn't explain what was happening to them. But there was something else he could do, and he would do it.


<==>​



The way the seeding went, his first few rounds would be cake. Because of that, Hazou's second match wasn't very noteworthy, even compared to the first. An interesting gimmick, at least. Whoever touched all four of their limbs to their opponent first won, but Hazou was simply in a different league, whirling around his enemy and landing the necessary punches and kicks in under thirty seconds.

He knew things would not remain this easy for long, however. In fact, as he moved to the massive information slate, looking at his next opponent was a stark reminder of this reality. His next match was against Lee.


<==>​



The next day, when Hazou stepped into the center of the arena, Lee gave his usual homoerotic greetings but took on a slightly more muted tone. "Have you found your courage, Hazou?"

Well, his past few opponents hadn't exactly been very taxing. He hadn't needed any extra strength. But he had been thinking about how to approach his True Enemy… Finally, he said, "I'm not sure yet. When the times comes, I'll give it my best shot-"

Lee shook his head and cut him off. "You will know. And you won't be able to give your best shot until you do."

Hazou was about to reply, but the judge from Sand began reading them the rules of the round, and he grit his teeth instead. If only Lee knew the scope of what this world was truly up against. Maybe he'd be more understanding of Hazou's hesitation, then. It was easy to forget about the Out, both because it could be antimemetic, and because it didn't feel as urgent as it was with how removed from daily life that place was. A traitorous part of his mind spoke out, doubting that Lee's opinions would change even if he did know all of that…

Hazou stepped up onto a 6-foot-diameter disk, one of six arranged in a tight hexagon. Lee stepped up onto another across from him. In unison, they began spinning, but in seemingly random directions and speeds. Hazou danced on his feet, trying not to let himself get turned around immediately or lose his balance. Touching the arena floor would mean immediate disqualification from falling out of bounds.

One of the judges called out, "Go!" and they flew at each other in a rush. Hazou, of course, was feinting, adhering his foot to the disk on his right and rapidly altering course. He threw out a few kicks, testing Lee's defenses in such shaky terrain, but Lee didn't even seem to notice the change, batting aside his kicks and launching himself at Hazou once again.

Hazou released and unreleased his adhesions at random intervals, sliding around the spinning disk as Lee chased him down, throwing out swipes and kicks. What he couldn't avoid, Hazou redirected or blocked, but even when Hazou blocked his attacks, he was sustaining too much damage. He released his adhesion entirely, the momentum flinging him to another disk, and Lee leaped over with a blazingly fast, albeit telegraphed flying kick.

Hazou ducked under the attack, kicking off of Lee's back to propel himself to yet another disk. He hadn't even landed before Lee was already there, ready for him. Lee tried kicking his legs out from under him as he landed, and Hazou went with it, landing on his hands and swirling around in a wide kick. Lee flipped over it, catching a punch from Hazou mid-flip. Hazou was forced to flip with him to avoid dislocating his arm, and Lee didn't let go afterward, launching a barrage of strikes Hazou could barely lean out of the way of, bobbing left and right while awkwardly stuck to a trapped arm.

He attempted to catch Lee's arm several times but he couldn't react quick enough. Finally, he yanked to block one of Lee's blows with Lee's own arm, and Lee finally let go, spinning around to deliver a roundhouse kick straight to Hazou's head. Hazou ducked under it and pretended to deliver a roundhouse kick of his own, but as he leapt up with his other leg Lee punched him straight in the chest. Hazou barely crossed his arms in time, flying back to the other side of the hexagon, trying to catch his breath, but Lee was already there. The air shuffled rapidly with the speedy ninja's motions.

Lee was simply too fast for Hazou to maneuver around. Lee could move quickly enough to fall for Hazou's feints and still catch him afterward. Hazou needed to do more than fool him, he needed to know how he would react to the trickery… He had that capacity, didn't he? The Numbers had once told him even the most intricate social details of an angry S-ranker. They let him see. The Threads, the Paint, the Truth.

He could feel it like a pressure in his head, like a dam just waiting to burst open and flood those who dared to build beneath it. He could almost feel Lee's attacks before they came out, if he would just accept. He...couldn't do it. The pressure faded, and a solid blow from Lee removed him from the disks, and from Winner's Bracket.

It was a tight, mildly disappointed voice that told Hazou, "Thank you for letting me win."

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Not sure when I will finish part 2, but I'll be working on it plenty after finals are over. Hope you enjoyed! I tried to keep the links to fights mostly spoiler-free but sorry if something got through.
 
OMAKE: The Grue Explained
In today's episode of "Preacher Hidan or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Grue" we see Hidan teach Kagome to embrace the absurdism inherent within reality.
Hidan: "Alright, kid, ya got this Uplift thing off the ground after all. Tell ya what: I can tell you've been itchin' to ask me about a buncha stuff since we started workin' together, but ya haven't 'cause you're afraid I'm gonna gut ya. So, go ahead - I might not be able to tell ya stuff above your pay grade, but I promise I won't so much as maim you for askin'."
Hazo: "..."
Hidan: "May Jashin strike me down right this instant if I so much as get annoyed at ya!"
Hazo: "...I just watched you brutally murder over a hundred people."
Hidan: "Kid, if you're impugning the reliability of my oaths to Jashin, we're gonna have a problem."
Hazo: "...okay. Can you explain a little more about your religion? Why do you need to kill so many people?"
Hidan: "So, it's like this: Jashin's hungry all the time. Got a hankerin' for spiritual energy - you'd need a philosopher to talk about exactly why, but, turns out, souls are pretty tasty stuff. But it ain't just souls: Jashin'll eat lotsa stuff. Chows down on ideas if there aren't enough people dyin', or if he's in a bad mood. That's what happened to the henge."
Hazo: "Wait, what?"
Hidan: "Yeah, used to be ya could just turn into a bird, fly around. You won't remember any of this, though. Jashin's gonna eat the memories right up."
Hazo: "...what?"
Hidan: "Anyways, Jashin's all-consuming hunger will engulf the whole world if we don't keep him fed. So, we gotta buncha acolytes out there makin' sure quota gets met. Little like an army of spiritual chefs with a veeery particular customer."
Hazo: "..."
Hidan: "What, you didn't think I was just butcherin' people for the fun of it, didja? I'm tryna save the world here, kid. It's where I keep all my stuff. This Uplift thing of yours might just work out to enough people dyin' on the regular that we can call it quits on the murder business."
Hazo: "I think I need to sit down."
 
Last edited:
Nonstandard Formats
PSA: Good news, bad news, and worse news about the Great Seal.

With the healing of Hazō's Medium consequences, his bloodline access has been restored and he has a clear picture of the Great Seal available to him. He waited several days to start looking at it and even then only very carefully, mentally 'looking away' before really taking in the entire thing. There were some minor issues at first but it's been a couple of weeks and he's now comfortable mentally 'examining' the seal as much as he likes. That's the good news.

The bad news is that he now realizes that, unlike every other seal he has ever seen, the Great Seal is three dimensional. The Iron Nerve stored the relative heights of each segment, the overall layout, and even the texture of the surface, suggesting that all of those factors were important.

The worse news is that no one that either Hazō or Kagome have ever heard of has so much as mentioned the idea of a 3D seal. It's possible it's even against some of the standard lore, meaning that lore is wrong. That means there is no precedent for how such a seal interacts with the Iron Nerve. Hazō doesn't know if there are important factors that the Iron Nerve didn't store, or if some of the ones that it did store are actually not important.

One more tiny bit of good news: The Iron Nerve did in fact store parts of the seal that were occluded from the angle Hazō was looking at, so he's fairly sure that his mental image includes the entire thing.

Ok, so we have a backup on a nonstandard format that partially fried the drive and the read speed is quite low and reading may damage it. Fortunately we can do distributed computing thanks to cloud providers. As in, use some Cloud ninja as chakra batteries with a Nob power adapter to enable multiple Haz shadow VMs to run in paralell. Just make sure to load each data page into memory (during Ram seal, of course) before instantiating each VM, as the license for the Iron Nerve Drive is single-user and cannot be employed by the VMs.

GFS (great frozen skein) computation acceleration is still only available for low data rates due to the wireless means of connection. For faster throughput, it may be possible to employ a Yamanaka adapter.

Under no circumstance try to physically connect the Haz to the GFS. The ports can dock and have dense data lines, but cannot sustain prolonged use and have a significant downtime, aside from the high likelihood of firmware corruption on both units. The Haz should only be directly connected to approved GF units, not to be confused with the GFS.
 
OFF-TOPIC: A plot bunny that wouldn't shut up until evicted.
"Hey!" I shouted, struggling furiously. "Let me go!"

"Shut up, kid." They tossed me onto the deck of the white panel van, Goon #2 going around to the front passenger seat while Goon #3 climbed in behind me and slammed the rear doors. The sound of metal on metal had not faded before the van was in motion.

Remember, whispered the memory of my teacher. Remember your breathing. Stay calm. Assess your situation and your captors. Play for time. Your father will come for you. He will come for you with the power of God at his back. Nothing will keep him from you. You will be safe, I promise. Now, breathe with me and let's try it again.

I took a moment to wriggle around so that I was sitting mostly upright against the side of the van. They had gotten the zip ties on me before they put me in so my hands were cuffed behind me and my ankles were cuffed together, making it hard to brace myself. "So, who do you guys work for?" I asked. "Nicodemus, maybe? No, wait, he cuts his people's tongues out."

Goon #2, the one in the front passenger seat, turned around and looked at me in complete befuddlement. "The hell are you talking about, kid?" He was in his late thirties, muscular but with a belly. That doesn't mean he's stupid, the memory whispered. Be polite. Be confident. They are predators, the creatures of the darkness. Do not show weakness, but also do not challenge their dominance. If you can play them against one another, do so, but be careful.

"So, not Nicodemus. Phew!" I made myself smile at him. "That thing with the tongues always seemed dumb, don't you think? Personally, I would want my flunkies to be able to interrogate people, bring me information without having to write it down -- oh, wait, maybe he gives them shorthand lessons! Still seems inefficient though."

"Seriously, kid, what is wrong with you?" Goon #3 asked. "Cuttin' people's tongues out?"

"Let see, not the Nickelbacks -- I know, I know, that's not the correct name but I think they should be properly called out for their evil." I lowered my voice to make sure I was sharing a confidence. "Dad doesn't get that joke."

Goon #2 chuckled.

"So you're not Nickelbacks. Fomori? Black Court maybe? You don't look like Renfields..."

"Who's Renfield?" Goon #3 demanded. He sounded like a very confused basset hound, which was a good fit for his long, sad, droopy face.

"Not Black Court. Oh! Duh. I'm such a dummy. You're with the Fae, right? Human hires to work in the world of iron? Which court, Summer or Winter?" Summer would probably be better, but it was very much a coin flip and neither option was that good if we were being honest.

"Ms Hansen, please be quiet," the driver said, not looking back. "You're not in immediate danger as long as you don't cause us trouble. We're taking you to a discreet location. You will be held for the next twenty-four hours until your father delivers the ransom, at which point you will be released. If you remain quiet and compliant then you won't be harmed in any way. If you attempt to escape, injure any of us, or otherwise interfere with our plans then we will cut your tendons so that you can't walk. A second attempt will result in your death."

Well that made no sense. "How are you going to get the ransom if I'm...wait, hang on. Did you call me 'Ms Hansen'?"

The driver sighed. "Yes. Please do not play games with us."

I started laughing. I couldn't help it. "You think I'm Michelle Hansen, don't you? The daughter of Senator Hansen? She's my classmate. You grabbed the wrong girl."

"Shut up, brat!" Goon #3 snapped, slapping me in the back of the head. "Don't try talkin' your way out of this!"

"Jack." That was all the driver said, just the name.

Goon #2 unbuckled and climbed into the back of the van. He had his phone in one hand, a photo showing on the screen; he grabbed me by the chin so he could turn my face up to the weak dome light and hold the picture up for comparison.

He cursed. "It's not her, boss. Same hair, not the same girl."

"We went to the salon together and decided to get the same look," I said, craning my eyes to the side to get a look at the picture. Michelle in the salon chair, her styling newly finished with a huge smile on her face and two thumbs up. "That's the one the stylist took. How did you get it? Oh, wait. You bribed him. He said he was taking it for the wall but he texted it to you, right?"

Goon #2 smacked Goon #3 upside the head. "Dumbass! How did you get the wrong girl?!"

"I followed her from the second she got outta the chair," he said defensively. "She went to the bathroom, she came out, I snatched her."

"Ew," I said. "You followed us to the bathroom? We're thirteen, you perv."

"Jesus, Vinny! You didn't notice that there were two teenage girls with platinum-blonde hair and green tips going into the bathroom?!"

"I didn't see this one! There was only the one!"

"Hey, guys," I said. "Since we're all agreed that I'm not Michelle, any chance you could let me out? I'm fine to walk home, really."

"I'm afraid it's a bit late for that," the driver said. "However, I have no interest in killing children--"

"When you're not being paid," I said. The words slipped out. A genetic failing, my mouth snarking off faster than my brain could tell it to be quiet.

"Indeed. I have no interest in killing children when I'm not being paid. This mission is now a bust. We will take you to the destination and leave you there while we make our escape."

"Boss!" Goon #3 whined. "We can't just let her go!"

"Don't worry, he's not going to," I said, giggles bubbling up. "He's just trying to keep me calm so that I don't raise a fuss. We'll get to the warehouse or wherever and he'll shoot me, dump my body in a hole, and you'll be off to your next exciting adventure."

"You seem very calm about this, young miss," the driver said. He still hadn't turned around to see me.

"Not my first kidnapping," I said. "Just out of curiosity, do you know who I am?"

"Why? Is your daddy rich?" Goon #3 asked hopefully.

I laughed louder. I probably shouldn't have, but my ankle bracelet was warm and the situation was hilarious. "My dad lived in a basement for most of my life, drove a beater, and had trouble making rent on his teeny little office."

"I believe it's been established that we do not know who you are, young miss," the driver said. "Your name is...?"

My ankle bracelet was starting to tighten against my skin. Five short pulses.

"You really should pull the van over," I said quickly. "Oh, and don't shoot at him. It might make him mad. Madder."

"Huh?" Goon #3 demanded. "What are you--"

There was a roar of fire and the van was suddenly skidding and spinning. The driver cursed and tried to steer into the turn but the rubber had been vaporized off the rims by a Soulfire-infused lance of elemental energy that had simultaneously melted the wheel assemblies into a fixed position.

I heard running footsteps outside, someone chasing the skidding van down with the superhuman speed invested by a Faerie Queen into her Knight. A blast of force shot up at an angle, peeling the side of the van away, and a scarecrow of a man, all angles and height, leapt into the still-moving van with his black leather longcoat flaring behind him. Two quick punches hit Goons #2 and #3 in the face, slamming them into the wall with power greater than the strongest boxer to ever live. And then he was there, my father, wrapping himself around me and invoking a shield of shimmering blue magic that completely surrounded us both. He was just in time; the blast he had used to can-opener the van had knocked it over and it was skidding and rolling, bouncing us around like a pinball.

Somehow, I couldn't find it in me to be afraid. All I could smell was him and his coat, and that meant the world was fine.

Eventually we came to a halt. Instead of letting go, Dad squeezed me tighter, clinging to me like a sinner to salvation. My face was mooshed up against his chest and I could feel his heart pounding against my cheek, beating like a terrified bird.

"'m okay, dad," I said, the words muffled. "I'm okay."

The words seemed to jolt him out of it. He lowered the shield and unwrapped himself. A brief surge of his will snapped the zip ties holding me, and he helped me out of the ruined collection of scrap metal that had been a van until a minute or so ago. I looked back over my shoulder at the three almost-certainly-dead bodies of my erstwhile kidnappers.

"I'm Maggie Dresden, you idiots."
 
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OMAKE: WHAT COULD GO WRONG?
OMAKE: WHAT COULD GO WRONG?


Hazō straightened, putting the finishing touches on the lantern seal that would complete the underground privacy bubble.

Tsunade grumbled, annoyed at having to wait for Hazō to go through his entire list of OPSEC procedures. "So what Clan Secret are you about to let me in on? It must be pretty important to you for you to use an anti-Hyūga seal on it. Bold of you to drag me this far outside of Konoha, too."

Hazō shifted nervously. That wasn't exactly what he was about to do, but it was a little close for comfort. Time to make his pitch before he lost his nerve.

"I'd like to ask you a favor."

Tsunade rolled her eyes. "Obviously."

"It's about Kei's birthday next month. I have something I want to give her but I'm going to need your help with it. Do you remember what happened at her last birthday? With her shadow clone?"

Tsunade's eyes narrowed. "It would be hard to forget. Why do you bring it up? I can't imagine you enjoy going around reminding others of your sister's shame."

Hazō gulped, fully aware he was about to do something monumentally stupid but unable to surrender the chance to help two of his family members come to an otherwise impossible understanding.

"It has to do with Snowflake. Since bloodlines don't carry over to shadow clones and Kei's bloodline is constantly influencing and skewing her thought process, Kei's clones are genuinely distinct people from her. They have their own interests, desires, and personalities. Snowflake is my second sister and Kei's closest friend, but as close as a bond as they share, Kei and Snowflake can never truly understand each other."

"Hurry it up, kid. I've been humoring you because you apparently just finished saving the world from its latest crisis but if you don't get to the point, I'm going to lose my patience."

Hazō inhaled, readying himself to take the plunge. "It's about what happened while you were healing me after I examined The Great Seal. I kept dying over and over again because my bloodline kept tearing my mind Out of reality. I was about to permanently cross over to the Naraka Path when suddenly, my bloodline shut down. It was almost as if—"

The weight of a mountain came down on Hazō.

Ancient. Unmovable. Too vast for the feeble human mind to wrap around its full size. And in the depths he had been cast into, writhing h̷̭̹̞̓͋̀o̸̬̣̠̯͂r̶͓̠̅̏̕͠r̸̮̣͙̹̈́ͅọ̸̻̹̩̇̾r̵͙̂̔͌͗̎š̵̢̨̛̻̦́ that the sunlit world had never seen, too old to have names and too primordial to know death. Ṱ̷̗̼̏͗͘h̷̜̳̮͉̿́̄͝ȩ̸̡̜̜͔̇͌y̸̹͙̣̤͓͐ perceived him, and in t̵̲͈̤̗͔͌͒͐̃h̷̢̹̣̋̿̔é̸̯̺̺̬̣i̴̖̼̬̹͂r̶̩̟̝͉̜̃̉̈́̏ sight he was nothing but layers of flesh and bone, to be flayed, examined, catalogued, and devoured at t̵̲͈̤̗͔͌͒͐̃h̷̢̹̣̋̿̔é̸̯̺̺̬̣i̴̖̼̬̹͂r̶̩̟̝͉̜̃̉̈́̏ leisure for no better reason than because t̸̳̦̣̱͓͒͊̋̔̅ȟ̷̨͚̽͝ę̵̺̳̦͗͒̊̎͜͠ỹ̴̢͉̩̬̂ were bored.

Hazō was lost, drowning. Unable even to flail helplessly as the Weight of the World Uncaring peered at him from the abyss. An eternity later–or perhaps only a second–The Mountain lashed out, striking down upon his shoulder as he felt the eyes on him vanish. He felt empty inside, like there was something fundamental about him missing.

Hazō stared into the brown eyes inches from his face. Tsunade was no longer directing the weight of herself at him but neither was holding her soul back from spilling into the air around her. He saw Aunt Tsunade as she truly was. No. He could never do that. He saw as close to her as he ever could.

For the longest moment of his life, Tsunade was silent. Then, abruptly, the pressure faded as Hazō returned to his empty self. She muttered something to herself too quiet for him to hear, but he could have sworn he heard her mention "Jiraiya."

She looked up at the accompanying flinch that always came when Hazō heard his name. Something was wrong. Hazō had instinctively reached for the Iron Nerve, he shouldn't have—

Tsunade smirked as the realization broke across Hazō's face. She stepped back and removed her hand from his shoulder as she spoke.

"If you were anyone else…"

Unsurprisingly, Hazō was unable to hide his gulp at her not-so-subtle reminder of how close he had come to being killed a moment ago. Not that he ever hoped to hide anything from her anyway.

"I'll do this once and you will never bring this up every again or ask me about this. Kei can have her conversation but only family can be there. You'll owe me another ton of that sake, too. I'm almost out."

This time, the expression that flew across Hazō's face was one of relief tinged with gratitude. He had done it.

"It'll be back by the time we make it to the surface. Don't talk to me about this ever again. Maybe one day I'll deem Noburi worthy of the secret and he can facilitate another conversation, but until then you should consider this a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity."

"I will, Aunt Tsunade. Thank you." If he wasn't already on his knees (when did he end up here, anyway?), he would have been floored by what she just implied. He could barely speak, so he stood up and raised his hands in a gesture of a hug.

Tsunade just snorted. "Yeah, I'm not going to hug you like that. Let's get out of here. I have a lot of your gold-money to blow at the casino." She looked back at him and smirked. "Also, you may want to change your pants."







Hazō paced nervously through the banquet hall, hovering outside the door leading to the room where Snowflake and unbloodlined-Kei were having their chat. What if he had crossed a line and now Kei hates him? What if this didn't work and it was just a waste of time? What if

The door opened and Snowflake came out, followed closely by Kei, who studiously refused to look at him. Hazō's heart sank, his fears realized. Now she's going to tell him that he—

Kei spoke up, once again tearing him from his thoughts.

"Thank you, Hazō. I greatly appreciated the chance to see things through Snowflake's eyes. You seem to have done the impossible. Again."

She looked to Hazō's right, where Tenten and Shikamaru were standing, then dropped her gaze to the floor and turned until she could see Ino's and Akane's feet. Raising her head, she nodded at them with a determined on her face.

She took a deep breath, then turned her head to look at her Hazō. As soon as their eyes's met, Kei blushed a deep shade of crimson and immediately tore her vision away from him.

To Snowflake, she said, "As I feared, even waiting until my bloodline came back was not enough to relieve this effect." Snowflake's eyes failed to hide her mirth.

After a moment of regaining her confidence, Kei looked back at Hazō, Shikamaru, Ino, Akane, and Tenten.

"We may have a slight problem…"
 
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OMAKE: Where Things Go Terribly Terribly ~Right~ Wrong
OMAKE: Where Things Go Terribly Terribly Right Wrong



A second later, to his utter horror, Hazō felt Ami's hand settle on his chest.



"Hmm, no, that's not it."



Her face was close enough to kiss. "Maybe if I searched in more---"



Hazō nearly pushed her away out of instinct, before stopping himself at the last second. He would not fall for her tricks; he has the RESOLVE to preserve.


He couldn't afford to lose (and not just because Kei would kill him). With Ami's help, he could restore his clan's finances. He could finally pay the Nara back. He could invest in---


Hazō shook his head, his nose brushing against a few brands of Ami's hair. Unfortunately, this only served to distract him even more.


Oh god. She was so close he could literally smell her breath.


Hazō needed to get out of here before she wore down the last dregs of his sanity. He couldn't push her away, that was what she wanted him to do. If he pushed forward, he would knock down the tower (or worse, he would accidentally touch her chest).


But what if she knew I would think this and the tower is really behind me?



Ami's hand was slowly trailing increasingly lower on his chest, sending him dangerously close to death-by-Kei. Hazō was running out of time. Without further thinking, he took a leap and dove away from the dangerous beast sprawled right in front of him, diving neither forward nor backward but rather to his left.


Unbeknownst to Hazō, his left crutch was buried under Ami's legs, no doubt to make sure his only escape from Ami was to physically push her away. If he had dove forward, he would have sent them both crashing into the tower. If he dove back, the crutch would have stopped him after only a foot or two and she could easily resume her escalating provocations.


What Ami did not account for was Hazō diving to the left. Instead of stopping him short, his buried crutch acted as a pivot, redirecting his momentum and turning his linear path away from Ami into a circular arc that sent him around her and crashing headfirst into the Tower.


There was a moment of silence from both of them. Slowly, he lowered his blindfold and was greeted by a look of utter incredulousness on Ami's face, as if she could not believe he had somehow managed to snatch defeat instead of the draw she had set up.


The moment stretched on; Hazō unable to savor the rare sight of Ami openly displaying an emotion, so bound by the terror of what he had just done.


An eternity passed and Ami burst out laughing, a manic grin spreading over her face.


"Let's go tell Kei the good news!"


To be continued…?
 
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Omake: Kakashi's Day at the Beach
Omake: Kakashi's Day at the Beach

Kakashi ambled across the sand with his hands in his pockets. He'd had a day planned. It hadn't been easy. Once you were ANBU, you couldn't simply submit a request for time off. There were forms, of course, a byzantine mess of paperwork that he felt certain was a practical joke that the Hokage played on newcomers. He hadn't fallen for it, but every few months, you could see someone's eyes getting increasingly wild behind their mask as they looked for green ink on a Tuesday when no Hyuga had a second cup of black tea before noon.

This was not a vacation. This was professional development. Officially, he was spending the day on the Seventh Path recruiting additional summons, and would be unreachable. In reality, he'd spent the past weeks flitting between the Dogs and the Human Path when he should have been sleeping, slowly building trust, telling stories, trading favours, and he'd managed to recruit Canndu, a wide-eyed golden with a temperament to match. She padded alongside him right now. He adjusted his pack, allowing himself a resigned sigh. The plums would stay perfectly sweet and cold in the storage scroll, but by the time he'd be in a position to sit and eat them, it would be past breakfast. Securing them in a manner that hadn't betrayed his intention to savour them had been difficult, working through a cutout and vying against clans who would have treated the out-of-season fruit as a status symbol instead of the rare delicacy they truly were. The waste was unforgivable.

It wasn't, he supposed, Cannai's fault that something happened to be roaring towards the shore, moving too fast and kicking up too much spray to be visible to even the sharpest-eyed canine. But when he'd been asked to evaluate and meet the threat, were it within his capabilities, he'd gotten the distinct impression that the Alpha had known full well what his plans for the day were; namely, doing absolutely nothing beyond reading the most recently released Icha-Icha, for which he'd thus far avoided any spoilers through a mixture of organization, bribery, and evasion worthy of an A-rank espionage mission. As well as being surrounded by an aura of optimism and positivity Kakashi couldn't help but feel bordered on genjutsu, Canndu was literally faster than the wind, and had long-distance communication jutsu that would keep Cannai in the loop.

At least he only needed to consider a single threat. The little holes in the sand which opened occasionally were just clams. As long as he stayed back from the water's edge, he didn't need to worry about the Sharks, and the occasional bit of seaweed that washed ashore could be stepped over without worrying about dismemberment, chakra drain, or any number of far worse fates.

Canndu seemed happy enough to walk in relative silence, pausing occasionally to sniff this or roll around in that. It took a deliberate act of will not to erase their footprints (and pawprints) but he could still try to relax even if morning was shot. Suddenly, he halted, nerves tingling as the retriever let out a low growl, dropping into a combat stance. He pulled his headband up, revealing his Sharingan. The plume of water kicked up by whatever it was had been getting steadily larger as the source reached the coast, but its velocity had spiked, and had resolved itself into two fan-like sprays of water. Something was very, very wrong. His hands involuntarily clenched into position for the first seals for chidori. He whispered to the now-silent retriever next to him. "Do you feel that?" All he got was a quizzical look back.

As the tomoe whirled, his stomach dropped. Even his pessimism, honed by years of missions and failure after failure, comrades dead and crippled in his arms due to his inattention and lack of preparedness, couldn't have foreseen this. Canndu's ears pricked. He couldn't hear it, yet, but he knew exactly what that sound was.

"YoooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUTH!"

Man and Dog leapt to the side, barely-avoiding the pair that crashed headlong into the shore. Of the two projectiles, the taller and greener recovered first, laughing gaily, pulling his companion free of the sand by an extended flipper.

Kakashi felt as if he were floating outside of himself. He focused his will, and the world failed to shatter. He was hard-pressed to determine whether an assault by Itachi would have actually been preferable to this.

His next words were delivered in a tone he reserved for disasters; failed missions, the death of friends, and worse.

"Hello, Gai."

With a speed that even Kakashi strained to follow, the other man - taking no discernible heed of the gravitas with which Kakashi delivered the greeting - spang to his feet.

"Ah, Kakashi! What a remarkable coincidence that you'd be here! Did you see who made it ashore first?"

Gai's grin sparkled with reflected sunlight with such intensity that it would have constituted the opening of hostilities in any other context. The Hokage had been forced to ask him to stop smiling quite so brightly in his day-to-day life after an enthusiastic salutation had provoked a counter-assault from a pair of Cloud shinobi escorting a merchant. Amazingly, nobody had been hurt, and not only had Gai insisted on paying for and performing the repairs to the damaged buildings, he'd browbeaten the bodyguards into helping. As a result, the building's facade was something to behold, a mixture of Cloud sensibilities and Gai's...enthusiasm. He even took personal responsibility for the maintenance of the building's bright-green glow, never seeming to notice that the owner stank of paint stripper.

Canndu came to life. "Wait - you're him!" She bounded forward, running around him at a dizzying speed. "The Cock that Crows! The Youthful Fist! The Pulsing - "

Kakashi cut in, as quickly as he could without betraying his growing panic. "Now, now, Canndu, I'm sure that Gai would much rather hear about the outcome of the race than have you go through his titles." He tried to remember what he could of the geography of the Seventh Path. Surely, they hadn't swum all the way here. Had Gai even been swimming, or running across the water? He knew that Gai's reserves were large, but not that large - but if he hadn't been water-walking, and he hadn't been swimming, what possible explanation could there be? Could he actually have been running across the water fast enough not to need to water-walk? How had they negotiated passage with the Sharks? There were too many questions.

Gai struck another pose - kneeling, chin supported by a fist, one eyebrow raised. He barely seemed to move, instead vanishing from one stance and reappearing in another. "Yes! Who was the victor, Kakashi?" The turtle was panting, rocking back and forth in an attempt to right itself, obviously exhausted. Gai glowed. It took chakra manipulation of the individual muscles in his jaw to get the words out. "You did, Gai. By a hair."

The turtle, almost righted, overbalanced as Gai exploded into a victory dance which was almost enthusiastic enough to make up for an absolute lack of rhythm or spatial awareness, to say nothing of the sheer volume of hip-thrusting. Canndu danced alongside him, skipping from one paw to another. Not for the first time, Gai left Kakashi stunned. He'd seen the man navigate a storm of kunai, ninja wire, shuriken, and more exotic projectiles so dense that it had quartered a mayfly without so much as a scratch. For all his faults, there could be no doubt that Gai could exhibit a frightening degree of control over the movement of his body. And he danced like this. Canndu paused her jig just long enough to nose the poor Turtle right-side up. The creature was trying to say something. Dying words? Skirting the edge of the developing sandstorm, Kakashi knelt next to it, leaning in.

"...isn't he...isn't he...isn't he amazing?"

The world had gone mad.



Cannai was nowhere to be found. Canndu had howled his question, and translated the response. 'Important business: very far away'. Kakashi had almost howled himself. He'd sent the pair off after them - his argument had been that Kamasole should present himself to Cannai, but it had the fringe benefit of separating Gai from what threatened to become a fan club. The performative energy had been redirected to regaling Kakashi with the story of the journey. Apparently, the Turtle had designed a new shell - Kakashi felt it best not to ask - and they'd been exploring the limits of its ingenuity together.

"...and I tell you, I've never felt so fast, Kakashi! It was like they were standing still!"

The taller man's hands swept through the air, and he pivoted with them. It was like watching a dance - a real one. Gai moved with the grace of a forester felling a particularly troublesome tree. On the surface, it was all brute force and straight lines, but the subtle interplay between each motion became clear if you watched carefully enough. Each movement was just so, exactly correct, and absolutely necessary. The intricacies of underwater combat with a school of Sharks would have eluded him were it not for the wild gesticulation.

But the other man's animated explanation ground to an abrupt halt.

"Anyway, it was a race for the ages."

They continued walking. Absent a reason to speak, Kakashi puzzled over puzzling over Gai's change in behaviour with an internal frown. It wasn't like Gai to leave a story unfinished, and, truth be told, he'd been wondering exactly how the pair were going to get out of the mess they'd found themselves in. He only knew the Sharks by reputation, but he'd been part of a cleanup squad tasked with clearing the area where Kisame had squared off against a dozen Mist hunter-nin looking to bring him home, before he'd been Akatsuki. The landscape had been as ravaged as it had been waterlogged. Huge chunks of earth had simply been missing, jagged scoops taken from the land by the Summons. Now that Gai's hair and clothing had dried, you couldn't have guessed he'd done anything with his day other than perfecting his smile, much less having fought off a dozen apex predators on their home turf.

So much of his life had been spent staring others in the eyes, evaluating how to best incapacitate if not kill them. He'd long been robbed of the ability to see any interaction, much less a conversation, any other way. His next words were experimental, probing the quiet and offering openings, anticipating the other man's explosion into violence. (Any conversation with Gai, even if the man was simply paying for groceries, could unquestionably be described as 'violent'.)

"It sure sounds like it."

Gai simply...nodded. In all their verbal sparring matches, Gai had never responded like this. As Kakashi pondered, confused, they made their way across the rolling hills. The silence softened, becoming comfortable. Gai's stride shortened, and one of his hands even found its way to a pocket. Minutes passed, and Kakashi was forced to acknowledge the possibility that the Fountain of Youth showed no signs of eruption.

Their relationship had always been...strange, but it was a relationship. They shared a certain kinship. Both men would tell you that their journeys through life couldn't have been more different, each insisting on the superiority of their approach (Gai so loudly the earth shook) but they had taken parallel routes. They'd saved each other's lives on almost innumerable occasions. (254 to 257 in his favour, as Kakashi recalled). Gai was brave, tough, clever and wise in his own way, but that wasn't what made their relationship unique; he could have said the same about Anko, or Asuma, or any of their peers.

The difference was that Gai consistently demonstrated an absolute inability to speak when he could instead announce. He was unsophisticated, unbecomingly emotional, and dedicated to an utterly nonsensical code of honour, to say nothing of the nigh-incoherent philosophy upon which he based his life.

In many ways, Kakashi had opted for the path of least resistance. He wanted a simple, quiet life. He had sweat blood to reach his level of personal excellence, but he considered the awed deference it bought him to be well worth it. Where possible, he made things easier for himself. His training made missions easier. His reserved manner meant that fewer people tried to strike up conversation, saving the effort social interaction demanded. Maintaining his gear, dressing simply, his modest living space, and alphabetized shelves of novels all served to smooth his path. Gai's life could have been infinitely easier, were he willing to live it even slightly more quietly. He'd had this discussion with Gai, many times, years earlier, first trying to convince him of the value of peace and quiet. Not a man accustomed to failure, he'd made attempts to then simply understand why the other man might make such stranger choices, before he realized how exhausting the process was. Gai's life was a complicated mess, the man constantly straining to push the envelope at every given moment. And why? For...nothing, as far as Kakashi could see.

What made Kakashi's relationship with Gai unique was that there was no point - or that there was no point was the point. Gai's singular dedication to the life that he wanted to live mirrored Kakashi's. The two men shared too much - they were jounin, Summoners, and Kakashi wouldn't have put it past Gai to somehow be ANBU - for Kakashi to be able to dismiss Gai's accomplishments or invalidate his worldview.

It was that respect that drove him to break the silence, not only dropping his guard but giving Gai a genuine opening.

"What's on your mind, Gai?"

Gai stopped, abruptly, planting his feet to stare out over the landscape. Kakashi's forehead furrowed, but he stood next to him, silent. To say that this was unlike Gai would be an...understatement. He had no words that did it justice. He'd seen him exuberant, determined, and even utterly defeated, on rare occasions. They'd shared heartfelt moments, drenched in sweat and blood, the lone survivors of gruesome battles. But he'd never seen the other man...still. Even when they'd been on missions which necessitated long periods of silent observation, Gai hadn't been still - merely still at that moment.

"It's beautiful. It's all so...quiet. It's…"

Kakashi nodded. He understood. "It's peaceful." His books were the only reason that the word was so close to hand. There were passages, dogeared and practically memorized, which described the feeling exactly. It was tantalizing, wonderful, and above all, utterly alien.

They simply stood there, together, watching the sun dance and the wind weave between the plants. Gai's words were uncharacteristically tentative and soft.

"If something happens to me, Kakashi, I…"

Gai took a breath. It was unsteady.

"Lee isn't - I'm not...."

The words flowed again. Gai confessed fear, worry, and for the second time, Kakashi knew exactly what he meant. They'd both had complicated relationships with their fathers, and the host of responsibilities that came with being jounin, Summoners, and clanless to boot had consumed the possibility of forming strong bonds to anything save abstract concepts - the Will of Fire, Youth, and ideas which defied words.

When he'd heard of Lee, Gai hadn't wasted a single second. Legend had it he'd simply appeared in the Hokage's office, strutting out seconds later. He'd swept the boy under his wing with his characteristic and effortless panache. It had looked effortless, but Kakashi knew better. Gai's focus on Lee's training was singular. His dedication to the boy's mentorship was ignored as everything but a curiosity, Kakashi knew, not only by clans but the clanless. After all, Lee was nothing - another one of Gai's quirks. But the world had thrust upon Gai a son.

"It's okay, Gai."

His interruption was scrutinized, all of the tension and energy and Gai contained within the other man suddenly focused and brought to bear on Kakashi. He didn't push back, or resist. The pressure faded as quickly as it had mounted. He knew the other man's need to test his resolve.

Kakashi had never taken on a challenge beyond necessity. Gai had thrown himself headlong into any that presented themselves, and not manufactured but manifested them where none appeared. But he knew that, should the occasion arise, he'd meet this one with square shoulders and simple, unyielding force of will.

"If anything happens to you, I'll make sure he isn't alone."



The challenge of duty in the Hokage's office, once you'd become as accustomed as possible to Hiruzen's periodic tests of his appointed guardians, was remaining alert. Kakashi knew he'd deny it, but the God of Shinobi's deep, enduring love for every ninja in the village wasn't something he could restrain completely. His hold on it was nearly perfect, but after four hours standing over the man, even Itachi's heart would have thawed somewhat. Care and attention and respect for you and you personally roiled off of him.

This was why the ANBU limited shifts to three hours. The end of the third hour was punctuated by the arrival of the Hokage's lunch. He neatly stacked scrolls to make room for the covered tray. The awestruck civilian bearer retreated from the room, favoured by a smile. Every hair on Kakashi's body stood up. As soon as the door swung shut, he shifted his attention to his charge. There was danger here - terrible...the Hokage smiled at him, as well, and Kakashi's heart dropped. It had been 97 days since he'd fallen for one of the Hokage's tricks, and that smile was reserved for victories.

"I read your mission report, Wolf. Well done - those will be valuable relationships."

He didn't dare move, but his Sharingan spun madly behind his mask. Somewhere, somehow, something terrible was going to happen, but if he could see it coming, maybe, just may-

A gnarled hand lifted the tray.

Turtle and sharkfin soup.

He couldn't have arranged that. He couldn't have even known. Gai hadn't even been planning on going to Dog - the Sharks had been a surprise, and...

The Hokage smiled, again.

"Your service to the village is to your credit, as always."



I'm not sure that this is as good as the previous omake I've written, but I love Gai as a character and unlike the QMs I have no particular obligation to write well. This was kicking around half-finished, so I got it to a point where I was happy and now it's in your eyeballs.
 
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Omake: The (Iron) Nerve on this kid
Can I play Team Oro?
You just gave me a terrible, terrible idea. Here's an omake (or is it? Is this how one does an omake? Is there a prerequisite? Here's a thing)

The (Iron) Nerve on this kid

"Would you like to join me for a board game?" Hazō ventured.
"I've found they make for a great intellectual challenge," he said. "Different games test the intellect in all kinds of different ways. More than one of my sealing ideas has been inspired by something I saw or did in a game."

"At your age," Orochimaru observed, "my idea of an intellectual challenge was tracing the connection between elemental affinity and the balance of the bodily humours. Some of the analytical procedures I developed continue to serve me to this day."

He began to turn away.

Hazō didn't know where he was heading, but he did know that in that direction lay Noburi's solidarity-building "summoners versus summons" game of Kage Hunters.

An old thought came back to him. Echoes of a past conversation. One he'd had with Mari, a long time ago.

Hazō, if there was a kunai with an exploding tag flying at Noburi and he couldn't dodge, would you throw yourself in front of it?

This was it. The time of his test. Few options were open to Hazō. But what little he could do had to be enough. For all that Orochimaru kept an aloof, detached facade to show himself above all concerns and most importantly everyone else, he never failed to listen and answer until a conversation genuinely bored him. He liked to have the last word, and cared about coming on top. Considering Hazō's abilities, he had exactly one course of action: being as infuriating as he could.

"At my age", Hazō retorted, "did you use this insight to revolutionise war?"

Orochimaru stopped. What was that petulant child's endgame?

"I was too busy waging, and winning, one." His tone was cool, not the way a stone wall may be cool, but the way a scalpel dissecting a corpse was cool. "Do you have a point, nephew?"

This last word was uttered with such sardonicism that it alone would have Hazō on edge. Of course, the killing intent from Orochimaru for so bold an act of insolence went above and beyond that, and threatened to make him pass out. He steeled his resolve, and pursued, trying his hardest to cut off his every sense as he clung to the Iron Nerve to produce words one after the other, mechanically, no matter how he was holding up.

"Oh, I suppose the talent of the greatest Sannin had to bloom late then, if you had to be a warrior and a tool firs-" Predatory eyes were set on him. A dance of traumatic experiences arose behind his eyes as Orochimaru's anger and annoyance spiked. He experienced this once, the feeling of being sliced open and reliving all damaging memories. Pain and fear and thooughts hum@ns mvst nno,t sEe 4nd the p9int 0, t%e w4(rlD -hAt w&s a wEBB `F LIE++S 4FG° 4¤2µ0ND HE C6ntr0lled hiS s4NSes aNd kEppt goin,g. "How long did this head-start at questioning biology last before Tsunade overtook you in ability and insight?"

If the Snake Sannin was cross at the disrespect before, he was now positively fuming. The nerve! On the one hand this kid was clearly attempting to get a rise out of him, and in an especially clumsy way. On the other hand, no one in a very long time had tried his patience anywhere near that extent, and the fact that it was on purpose only added to his anger.

"I have only very little time for meaningless acts." He projected his aura at the boy at full strength, instantly knocking him unconscious. "I do suppose, however, that I have to make time for more pressing matters, and interesting new projects. I did welcome you to my compound as volunteer."

Hazō woke up lying on a cold slab of stone, recognising an environment burned in his memories as surely as he hoped never to see it again. The Basement. He tried to move. His body did not respond. He tried to move again. But nothing happened. He could feel nothing below his neck, which apparently was strapped, only see and hear. See a stone ceiling, hear a strange rustling nearby. And smell, too. A strong scent he could not identify made it hard to think. Or it was the pain welling in his head, in his head and everywhere else. He could still feel pain.

"Ah, it seems you've come to." The voice was unexpectedly cheerful, for all that it looked like his plan to anger Orochimaru as a last resort to protect his family had been a success beyond all hope. "You were sadly incapacitated for the first steps of the procedure, but I trust you will want to be with me and follow the path of the rest. Trust me when I say it will be highly informative.
"You see, you represent a loose end. You have seen too much of my research, and I had no way of knowing exactly how much. You waste much of my time. You are a regular, constant impediment to my pursuing grandiose interests and discovery far past any achievement you make dance before the eyes of the village, and my peace requires I play along. Your safety was always at my convenience, but you've now well passed the gates of the marginal utility I could have to not, ah, extract the peace I await.
"See, before I was exiled, I tried to learn Yamanaka secrets. They were furiously guarded, but I had nothing but time and tools to chip away at their guards. Sometimes even literally." Hazō could hear the sneer in his voice, the voice of someone who knew himself to be beyond stopping and consequence. "Unfortunately, they do rely partly on some Bloodline abilities. After all my testing, splicing of bodies, and recomposition, I still cannot dive as they do. What I can do is fortunately much more complete, but also much more definite. I will make you reveal how much you know about my research, I will make you reveal what secrets you hold, I will make you reveal why you felt it wise to attract my ire, and this will be your last experience as this will happen as all information in your brain is forcibly extruded. Then I will see if your body can be of any use based on that information. You had an interesting reaction to my aura both times you were subjected to it. The experience might prove harrowing."

The blood beating at Hazō's temples should have been deafening, his mind racing to find an out, but he did not even try to open his mouth, not that he would have succeeded had he tried. Orochimaru's teaching tone was pure statement of fact, but he was clearly enjoying toying with him before finally ending his life. The excitement kept seeping in, not only at points of data, but on any word indicating Hazō's situation and incoming death.

"Now, dear nephew, let us learn what is hidden in this unwise hea-wait, what the fu-THE VOICES-STOP THIS HURTS-HOW COULD YOU-HOW DARE YOU-THE VOICES, THE VOICES-SO MANY-what's a train?-DID WHAT WITH SUMMONING SCROLLS?-IT BURNS, IT BURNS, IT BUR

Orochimaru was immobile and he was hurting and Orochimaru was about to kill him. Hazō was about to erase all that made up Hazō and taking great joy in it. Hazō yelled. Orochimaru howled. Hazō cried. Orochimaru bellowed. A soul-rending noise that only he could hear tore away at his sanity and mind and the flesh that was just a-

He was looking at his own body, strapped to a table and painted in uncountable seals. Hazō was tall. Taller than he had ever been. His hands were paler than he remembered them. Also, his body on the table was dead. Turning around, disconcerted, he saw his reflection in a mirror on the wall. Well, that explained it.

Orochimaru's face split in a childlike grin.


"You know, I think I could weaponise this."
 
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