Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

[Unaligned Player]

Fine, but he could have sent Tsunade a note asking her to help us out. He did literally nothing instead. Shikamaru had to threaten to disband Leaf to get Tsunade to pay attention.

He had other options and chose to ignore them. We can blame him for that.

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????
Can you not see how Asuma would get laughed at/punted out of the Hospital by Tsunade for thinking that she'll by he'd do anything on that level? Seriously this is starting to feel like a "Let's hate Asuma" conspiracy.

 

[eaglejarl]

The whole chapter was great, but I'd like to highlight in particular this bit.

It's satisfying having terminology created in the thread used in the official updates.

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Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. Lest I receive unearned credit, note that it was in the Author's Note and not in the actual official update. I have no opinion on whether or not it is the official term in-universe. (Not "I know the answer and am not saying", literally "I have no idea and am not strongly invested.")

 

[Sir Stompy]

????
Can you not see how Asuma would get laughed at/punted out of the Hospital by Tsunade for thinking that she'll by he'd do anything on that level? Seriously this is starting to feel like a "Let's hate Asuma" conspiracy.

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Shikamaru didn't get punted out. I'm assuming that Asuma's judgement as the Hokage counts with her too. He doesn't have to spell it out either, "I am unable to protect Hazou and co. at this time, I'm asking you to provide unofficial assistance" that's it, and it's not much.

 

[Xilentxium]

Asuma literally has other S-Classes under his rule. And every ninja in the entire village. AND he can also summon.

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This is by no means a refutation but I can't help but giggle at the thought of Orochimaru hearing that threat to him and going
"No, and because of that threat of yours I will politely wait a fine distance away from the village in order to spare collateral damage while you send the 2 other people who could even hope to try and stop me after me, good day. Also I never liked your willowbark tea. So ha."

 

[Unaligned Player]

Shikamaru didn't get punted out. I'm assuming that Asuma's judgement as the Hokage counts with her too. He doesn't have to spell it out either, "I am unable to protect Hazou and co. at this time, I'm asking you to provide unofficial assistance" that's it, and it's not much.

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Shika didn't become space probe because he informed her that doing so would end in Leaf dissolving but fair enough, he could have asked Tsunade to help us. That is a legitimate failing of his. The question then becomes, "Is that mistake worth considering him a craven worm unworthy of his hat?"

 

[Orisha91]

Holyshit.

That willful blindness, the Nara having to burn political capital, and Orochimaru being brazen in his interest here...

I really underestimated Orochimaru's hubris here.

We gotta kill him.

 

[Sir Stompy]

Shika didn't become space probe because he informed her that doing so would end in Leaf dissolving but fair enough, he could have asked Tsunade to help us. That is a legitimate failing of his.

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I don't think I quite agree with this reading of the situation. If you look at this passage

"Lady Tsunade," Shikamaru said sharply. "I am paying a significant amount of money for fifteen minutes of your attention. I would be very grateful if you would give us your attention."

Tsunade's chopsticks paused, and then she set them down and shifted her chair around to face the three chūnin. "All right, Nara. You have my attention. Now, what scrap of evidence do you have that my former brother-in-arms is intending to kidnap these two?"

"He was in the process of successfully pressuring details of my bloodline out of me when Mari walked in," Hazō explained, struggling not to show his utter shock at the absence of a Shikamaru-shaped hole in the wall. "In an attempt to divert him she stated that I had been urgently summoned by the Hokage. He refused to let me leave."

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You can see that Tsunade's first reaction to Shikamaru is as "Nara" and it leaves Hazou flabbergasted. I think the implication here is that Tsunade is more respectful towards Shikamaru because he represents one of Leaf's founding clans, as opposed to Hazou the upstart Mist traitor. There's also this line

The Nara's far deeper political credit and reputation gave Shikamaru more room to maneuver without getting crushed.

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I think Asuma could have easily cashed in his political credit and reputation as the Hokage.

The question then becomes, "Is that mistake worth considering him a craven worm unworthy of his hat?"

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Oh I'm not saying that, but IMO Hazou has every right to be pissed at Asuma for how he mishandled this situation.

 

[Dictator4Hire]

Fine, but he could have sent Tsunade a note asking her to help us out. He did literally nothing instead. Shikamaru had to threaten to disband Leaf to get Tsunade to pay attention.

He had other options and chose to ignore them. We can blame him for that.

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I was miffed that he didn't offer such assistance to us before, but now I consider it as him operating under the assumption that the Hokage, no matter who it is, cannot be seen in public nor in private as having to ask for help keeping order within the village.

Asuma cannot operate as Jiraiya did. Jiraiya always operated in an aggressive manner and it worked for him because he could kick the shit out of anyone who disagreed too strongly. He made no secret the implicit threats behind his posturing because he knew he was not universally popular within Leaf and strong-arming the clans into compliance worked for him.

Asuma was selected as a compromise candidate: someone who could unite Leaf without having to browbeat everyone into line. The polite fiction maintained within Leaf is that Asuma does so out of propriety and a sense of decorum to respect the station of the Hokage. The reality is that if Asuma ever challenges some naysayers and they call his bluff Leaf collapses because Asuma does not currently possess the ability to bitch slap the shit out of them.

It's looks like a slippery slope from his point of view. The more he relies on some of allies to carry out his orders in his stead the more he cedes power and authority from the Tower. If he does that too long then his allies learn they can effectively coerce Asuma into rubber stamping any proposals they bring forth. Once that happens the Hokage slowly yet surely becomes a political puppet in due time.

Strength is what keeps a village together, yet not fear. The clans trust that the Hokage can and will maintain order within the clans whenever there is a dispute between clans. The Hokage has to have the ability to act as the final judge in matters where the strongest individuals of each clan advocate for their aggrieved individuals. Otherwise the clans will flout the rule of law and Leaf will turn into a fracturing society where the clans who can bully their way into power stay and those who cannot leave. Furthermore, the Hokage acts as the unifying symbol of Leaf. The clans trust that the Hokage will protect them not just from each other but from outside threats as well. When a problem threatens not just one clan but the entire village the Hokage is the one ultimately responsible for taking care of such concerns.

Because MfD is a deathworld with rocket-propelled punching wizards, executive powers directly coincide with personal prowess. The arguments in favor of following anyone all essentially simplify down to asking oneself the consequences of disobeying any given authority figure, or even anyone who is demonstrably more powerful than you are. If the authority/stronger figure cannot enforce their orders nor fulfill promises to protect their subordinates ninjas traditionally will defect to increase their own odds of survival. There hasn't been a long enough period of peace for people to consider alternate forms of government because survival necessitates devotion to strength, whether it be personal or relying on someone else's.

We just had to recognize that reality ourselves this chapter by asking Tsunade and Shikamaru for help. Shikamaru laid out plenty of reasons why it would be horrible for Oro to disregard Leaf customs and charters but even then we still had to rely on Tsunade standing over our shoulders to prevent Oro from psychically compelling us into complying with his wishes... again.

Unless we go out of our way to change how ninjas operate this will always be the formula for how we interact with any non-Leaf (or people feeling Leaf-traitorous like Oro) ninjas.

 

[Unaligned Player]

Oh I'm not saying that, but IMO Hazou has every right to be pissed at Asuma for how he mishandled this situation.

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Well as far as I'm concerned the man was put in a the middle of a horribly precarious situation and I'm not going to kneecap him for not risking it for a biscuit. I'm not Team Uplift and Asuma isn't Hazou. Amicable disagreement?

 

[Dictator4Hire]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. Lest I receive unearned credit, note that it was in the Author's Note and not in the actual official update. I have no opinion on whether or not it is the official term in-universe. (Not "I know the answer and am not saying", literally "I have no idea and am not strongly invested.")

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Ah, it's a difference in how we categorize things. I consider a chapter whatever happens before the Author's Notes but anything in the post with the chapter I think of as the official update.

To me, all chapters are within an official update, but not all of the information within the update is directly actionable for the characters of MfD, just the players, if that makes sense.

EDIT: a word

 

[Inferno Vulpix]

With all this talk of how Asuma told us that Leaf couldn't afford to lose Orochimaru... should we expect him to be kinda upset at us for the stunt we just pulled?

Like, it worked out, nobody died and Tsunade extracted a pretty nice promise from the snake, and that counts for a lot, but as far as he's concerned we went right from his office to Tsunade's and sicced Sannin on Sannin right after hearing that Orochimaru is too valuable to risk.

Asuma v. Orochimaru, Oro would totally call his bluff. Orochimaru v. Tsunade... was it really a sure thing that Orochimaru would cave like this? What if instead there was an S-Rank fight smack in the middle of the village that costs Leaf one, if not two S-Rankers? Tsunade isn't the sort to back down, especially not when Shikamaru's ultimatum was hanging over her head, for all we knew our plan could've caused the end of Leaf even without the Nara leaving.

There's only so much he can get angry at Shikamaru being willing to exercise his legal rights, and this is quite possibly the best outcome Asuma could've hoped for... but dang, we really did just get told not to play dice with the fate of the village and then we went and played dice with the fate of the village.

 

[_The_Bomb]

Chapter 462: Realistic Expectations​

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Mariko tilted her head slightly in confusion. "We were born at the end of October. Don't you remember? The other kids used to call us a ghost child, but then Uncle Kazuhiro—"

Mariko disappeared, fading from existence like a reflection in a draining pool of water.

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Yeah, Mariko is a manifestation Mari pre-Kazihiro trauma.

"You're both missing the point." Uplift Mari's voice was soft, but the vibrant strength behind it carried. "This is a crucial time for Haru. He can despise the yakuza all he wants, but this is our time to make him understand their shared humanity. Case in point, he saw the yakuza taking care of their own. Those families were in a dark place emotionally, but they weren't destitute like we'd figured. I believe he can absorb the universality of Uplift, out of practicality if not out of compassion."

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There's an Uplift Mari now? Nice! Let's try and let that personality keep growing.

"I love Akane. She's my beloved sister/daughter/cousin/whatever, and the world is a better place for having her in it. She is also never going to be the Keiko to your Shikamaru."

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Harsh but true. Akane points us towards the moral path, which isn't always a straight line. If we follow Akane's advice all the time, we'll never bring Uplift into reality.

After a few seconds, Mari shook her head.

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I'll not the hesitation before her refusal of our help.

a poisoned hairpin that wasn't meant for the enemy

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Given her background, it makes sense that Mari would want to have a way to remove herself from any situation, even at the cost of her life. I hope she isn't doing that anymore.

 

[Lord Marshal]

I'm not seeing it. We've seen many times where Asuma commands Orochimaru to do something and sends him on a mission and it's fine. Is there any reason why Asuma cannot simply command Orochimaru not to threaten/abduct/kill/touch Kei, Hazou, or any Clan Head? No? Yeah that's the point. Oro has yet to actually act out like it's being predicted so I can't sympathize with Asuma at all.

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It's a problem of position, Shikamaru can metaphorically flip the table, because he's a Clan Head, whose job is basically "protect your Clan". Asuma is the Hokage, he cannot go "I'm willing to let the village burn", because as Hokage, it's just not credible as a threat. Basically....

Asuma v. Orochimaru, Oro would totally call his bluff.

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This.

Like, it worked out, nobody died and Tsunade extracted a pretty nice promise from the snake, and that counts for a lot, but as far as he's concerned we went right from his office to Tsunade's and sicced Sannin on Sannin right after hearing that Orochimaru is too valuable to risk.

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I wouldn't worry, Asuma basically said "There are two people you can call for help on Oro, as long as them, as private individuals, help you. Oro won't probably won't go to the tower and ask for help". So he basically called it.

 

[Sir Stompy]

With all this talk of how Asuma told us that Leaf couldn't afford to lose Orochimaru... should we expect him to be kinda upset at us for the stunt we just pulled?

Like, it worked out, nobody died and Tsunade extracted a pretty nice promise from the snake, and that counts for a lot, but as far as he's concerned we went right from his office to Tsunade's and sicced Sannin on Sannin right after hearing that Orochimaru is too valuable to risk.

Asuma v. Orochimaru, Oro would totally call his bluff. Orochimaru v. Tsunade... was it really a sure thing that Orochimaru would cave like this? What if instead there was an S-Rank fight smack in the middle of the village that costs Leaf one, if not two S-Rankers? Tsunade isn't the sort to back down, especially not when Shikamaru's ultimatum was hanging over her head, for all we knew our plan could've caused the end of Leaf even without the Nara leaving.

There's only so much he can get angry at Shikamaru being willing to exercise his legal rights, and this is quite possibly the best outcome Asuma could've hoped for... but dang, we really did just get told not to play dice with the fate of the village and then we went and played dice with the fate of the village.

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I strongly suspect he'll be fine with it. Asuma basically told us to go to them.

"This is not, and cannot be, about Orochimaru and the Tower. This is about Orochimaru and you. In this instance, you have options the Tower does not. There are two people in this village with both the raw strength and the moral code to stand in Orochimaru's way. If they do stand in Orochimaru's way, as private individuals, I strongly doubt his pride will let him run crying to the Hokage. Even if he does, making me choose him over Tsunade or Naruto is a very different thing to making me choose him over you."

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It doesn't sound like Asuma seriously thought they would throw down in the middle of Leaf over it. He basically predicted this would happen, and it did.

 

[Dictator4Hire]

With all this talk of how Asuma told us that Leaf couldn't afford to lose Orochimaru... should we expect him to be kinda upset at us for the stunt we just pulled?

Like, it worked out, nobody died and Tsunade extracted a pretty nice promise from the snake, and that counts for a lot, but as far as he's concerned we went right from his office to Tsunade's and sicced Sannin on Sannin right after hearing that Orochimaru is too valuable to risk.

Asuma v. Orochimaru, Oro would totally call his bluff. Orochimaru v. Tsunade... was it really a sure thing that Orochimaru would cave like this? What if instead there was an S-Rank fight smack in the middle of the village that costs Leaf one, if not two S-Rankers? Tsunade isn't the sort to back down, especially not when Shikamaru's ultimatum was hanging over her head, for all we knew our plan could've caused the end of Leaf even without the Nara leaving.

There's only so much he can get angry at Shikamaru being willing to exercise his legal rights, and this is quite possibly the best outcome Asuma could've hoped for... but dang, we really did just get told not to play dice with the fate of the village and then we went and played dice with the fate of the village.

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Asuma understands how complex the situation is so his response will have layers.

In public as the Hokage his best bet is to act like this issue never made it to his desk and two invaluable S-rankers did not have a tense disagreement right before WWIV. It's why he said the conversation between him, Hazou, and Kei never happened after all.

In private as the Hokage he will (hopefully only slightly) resent us for eroding more of his authority since we went to the Nara and Tsunade before checking in with him first. According to Leaf customs interclan matters must go through the Hokage yet Tsunade and Shikamaru were not privy to the conversation with Asuma where we reached an understanding of Asuma's position.

In private as Asuma the human being he will understand the gravity of the situation and that we had no choice but to act as quickly as we could before Oro did something rash. He'll praise us for taking care of things quietly and then admonish us to never let something like this become a problem again.

In the privacy of his own thoughts Asuma is extremely grateful that Oro did not need both Naruto and Tsunade applying pressure on him to get him to cave or even worse, Oro simply deciding to leave or fight once he was confronted by Tsunade or Naruto. No one knows exactly what Oro wants nor how far Oro is willing to go to get what he wants.

I approve of Asuma's actions because no matter what actions he took he was always hoping and discreetly advancing for our best interests and was genuinely apologetic when he could not help us further through any of his roles.

The dice were already being rolled when Oro started pushing his luck because this could have happened to any clan. Now Asuma finally gets to see the results of Oro's gambit after Asuma did everything he could to stack the odds in our favor without compromising Leaf's future and stability irrevocably.

In a way we're fortunate that this happened to us and not say, Sasuke or some other prideful clan. We would not have had the necessary socials nor the (for lack of a better term) casus belli to intervene on their behalf. We would have been helpless as we watched the fate of the village be decided by some incontrollable clan head NPC.

As you, reader, contemplate how it would feel to see Leaf's fate be decided by someone outside of our control from afar, that's how Asuma felt as soon as we left his office.

 

[Veedrac]

This would change the current rules. Which do not treat gases differently from solids/liquids.

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Elemental Mastery already doesn't affect "the inside of objects", which I believe was basically taken to mean it only affects gasses. I could try a more literal translation but it'd more likely reflect the intent worse than the non-literal one.

 

[_The_Bomb]

Chapter 463: Apologizing to Scum

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The Oyabun's wispy eyebrows rose. "We are the scum of the earth, are we not? Predators of the very sort that the law exists to protect honest men and women from? The ones that Lord Haru killed undoubtedly committed many robberies, murders, acts of blackmail and extortion, and other crimes too awful for you to discuss in the presence of women or children. Surely they ruined countless lives."

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The Yakuza are like discount Ninja, if you think about it.

Chapter 464: The Sun's Return

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Huh, no plan. Guess Hazō-Pilot has the wheel.

He eyed her uncertainly. "About Haru—"

She put a finger on his lips. "It's fine," she said again. "Let's not worry about it today, okay? Can we be just the two of us, or do you have to run off?" For the first time she noticed the blood stain on her sleeve where he had been gripping her. She seized his hand and turned it over. "Hazō, what did you do?!"

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Not looking forward to tomorrow. Also, I'm curious what Hazō-Pilot would have done if he had to carry out the conversation on his own perogitave. Hmmm....

He smiled and booped her on the nose with one partially-encased finger, making her laugh in startlement. "Yes. Now that you're home, things are better."

He tugged her down off the arm of the chair and into his lap. She settled into him with a contented sigh, her back against his chest and head on his shoulder, winding her fingers into his when he looped them around her waist. That sat together in silence as his mind went slowly quiet.

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....does she know we are at war with Rock?

Chapter 465: The Law is Harsh…

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"Lord Gōketsu, with the greatest respect, have you come here to engage in any of the following: 'tomfoolery', 'shenanigans', 'proposal of ill-conceived ideas unvetted by the saner minds within the clan, little though that may say', 'apologies for the consequences of the latest daring and original plan to benefit the Gōketsu or Leaf, and/or request for help escaping same'—"

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She knows us so well.

Hazō silently set his crutch against the wall, groped around in his backpack, and finally held up a bag bearing the mark of the Pantasia Patisserie.

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I have no idea what this is and from context, I probabaly should.

"Whatever you have done this time is forgiven," she said abruptly. "Hand it over at once."

"I haven't done anything," Hazō said. "This is just a gift."

"In that case, please consider a suitable number of sisterly affection points deposited into your account. They are rare, so do not spend them all at once."

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Chocolate?

"You know, Hazō," Kei observed as she opened it, "were someone to have told my Academy self that I would one day have unfettered access to this magical delicacy, I could only have taken it as confirmation that my sister would one day rule the world. That you and I were able to achieve it with our mere mortal strength is a powerful argument that there is yet hope for humanity to rise from the hell it has crafted for itself."

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Chocolate.

We need to stock this. It's actually effective for raising Kei's move and/or apologizing for minor slights.

"Ami was correct," Kei said heavily. "The people of Leaf are to accurate recordkeeping as bull sharks are to disguise kit manufacture. Or as the people of Leaf are to disguise kit manufacture, for that matter. Were you aware that all data on disguise kit manufacture dating further back than two years are missing, and it never occurred to anyone to flag this? We are living among barbarians, Hazō."

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ACTION PLAN: Investigate the lack of disguise kit manufactures before November 15, 1068 AS.
QMs: 😠

"So what brings you to my humble desk, Hazō?" Kei asked, brushing crumbs off her sleeves in a practised, systematic motion. "I am not so naïve as to believe that this carrot cake is unrelated to any form of bribery."

"I wanted to talk to you about Fu Kōhei," Hazō said.

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Ah, carrot cake. Not chocolate.

the very next day, you conspicuously ordered torture and interrogation equipment, together with a means of storing and transporting corpses.

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...whoops

Hazō stared at her, aghast. "Kei, no! Those were just supposed to be props for the fish god sex cult!"

A second later, it occurred to him that they were out in public in the middle of the Nara compound. Well, the original objective had been to spread rumours…

"The what?!"

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Sometimes it's better to let the other person assume you're evil, Hazō. Maybe not this time, but it's close.

"It was necessary," Kei said quietly. "The new system is very difficult to enforce. We do not have eyes everywhere, the KEI Intelligence Division is a volunteer group, and Ami and I refuse to transform the KEI, an organisation founded on trust in one's comrades in the face of a hostile world, into a society of mutual espionage and denunciation after the fashion of Mist. Yet for the system to fail because KEI shinobi cheat each other would also be a grievous blow to that trust, in addition to the deleterious impact on incomes and battlefield survival. The KEI is fragile, Hazō. It is a power ascendant, but it is also a patient only beginning to recover from lifetimes of abuse and neglect. It is not the clan that exiled your mother because it found her romantic preferences distasteful."

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"I can't afford to act morally."
Where have we heard that before, Kei?

At least, Hazō decided, with this the Fu Kōhei incident was resolved and would never come back to trouble him again.

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sighs

 

[Lord Marshal]

So, a proto-plan as idea, going to refine it later, as always, take what you wish.
[ ] Action Plan: The Summoning Army shall not be denied.

• Keiko
  • You know, she's right. We need to do something about the Condor-Pangolin situation, you would say the first idea is involving Leaf in the fight. Also change the fundamental of warfare yet again.
    • You know, a welcome distraction after almost dying from vivisection
    • Explain the plan, sanity check it with relevant/useful parties.
• Asuma
  • Another Summon Army strategy: Send a summoner in the enemy border, send a Summon Boss to destroy patrols/defensible targets/Rock until it pops, retreat, recharge with Noburi, then do it again a day later or when the the Boss Summon can return
    • Depending on the distance from the target, we can do it from Leaf, with Noburi letting the ninja pay the upkeep cost as long as needed.
  • Yes, Boss Summon won't accept, but you have a particular one in mind that could:
    • Conjura
    • Offer her to free the Condors from the Pangolins once the dragonwar and the current ninja wars are over, in exchange for help in protecting Leaf.
    • If needed, to a contract with other Boss Summons present, such as Enma.
    • Use Conjura as an S-rankers to wreck awok on the enemy in a war of attrition.
  • (If needed) Clarification on the Defensive Summoning Army, the summoner could create as many "one time contracts" to protect Leaf as needed, with the adeguate preparation, Leaf it is currently working to fix the Great Seal and it is a great diplomatic card to play
  • (If you didn't befrief him before) The Dogs informated us the Bear Scroll is currently in possession of an 80-years old ninja named Sakamura Mareo. You would like to ask for permission to establish positive contract and if possible and propose a deal in exchange of the scroll
    • You're thinking some form of retirment in Leaf, all payed, in exchange for the scroll. Details may vary, but you want to obtain the scroll(Or a promise of the scroll once he dies) with peaceful means. You will keep him informed.
    • Is there any information on Mareo?
• Offscreen
  • See if you or the Dogs/Arachnids can ask the Hornet if they have a summoner or the position of the Scroll, more summoners can only help against the Dragons and in communication with other clans.
  • What happened to the Archaeopteryx Clan?

 

[Inferno Vulpix]

Elemental Mastery already doesn't affect "the inside of objects", which I believe was basically taken to mean it only affects gasses. I could try a more literal translation but it'd more likely reflect the intent worse than the non-literal one.

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I don't have it on hand, but I'm pretty sure there was a ruling once that EM affects liquids as well, as long as they're not fully enclosed.

 

[_The_Bomb]

Chapter 466: Plots, Destruction, and Cookies

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Those rocks had been brought here when Leaf was first founded, and it was a tradition that every Nara brought back a stone from every mission. Someday, centuries from now, Nara children would undoubtedly be told that every stone had been brought back by Nara ninja, but that day was not today.

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What about D-Ranks in the village? Or missions that take place in areas with no rocks? Or missions where stopping to grab a rock even for a moment could jepordize everything?

castigation

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reprimand (someone) severely.
huh

"Gosh, little bro! I'm so bummed that..." The words trailed off and her face went completely blank. She shifted her chair around so she was facing her creator. "After ninety minutes of behaving in this fashion I am unable to continue with the experiment. Even without the Voice, my base personality template is inconsistent with this role and I believe we can add it to the left-hand list. Now, if you will excuse me, I wish to cease existing in order to no longer experience these memories." She vanished in a puff of pink smoke.

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Ninety minutes of acting cheery was enought to drive Kei to suicide.....

Shikamaru gestured at the reams of paper that covered the table, much of which was low-quality trash instead of the crisp perfection to which Hazō-the-sealmaster was accustomed. "I have a great deal of background information, force estimates, weather data, and so on. Most of it is untrustworthy garbage. The vast majority of Leaf's critical data, including all of its top-secret data, has always been kept in the most secure building in Leaf: Hokage Tower. Much of the confidential and secret information was duplicated to a secondary facility under the Academy, and my father was entrusted with a wide swath of records which he kept in secure room off of his bedroom. You will notice that all three of those locations were reduced to rubble a short time ago. Jiraiya's records replaced some of that material but only a fraction of it. Furthermore, much of the institutional memory related to Leaf's intelligence efforts was lost when the Third Hokage and many ANBU were killed during Operation Needlepoint, and then again when Jiraiya and so many others died during the Battle of Nagi Island?"

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It's surprising that this information isn't still classified. I can think of a few reasons why the Tower wouldn't want this getting out.

"Okay," Hazō said. Shikamaru was a tag in the process of failing its infusion. Noted. "Shikamaru, there is a reason that the Hokage trusts you to advise him on military strategy. You're one of the smartest people in Leaf. Give me your best guess."

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I wish we could summon a puppy to randomly pet during this conversation. Who knows, maybe the little bundle of instant-destresser might even make its way into Shikamaru's lap after an apporpriately long amount of time pretending that we summoned it for ourself.

"How many jōnin do we have?"

"Twenty-one. Several of whom are quite new to the rank."

"Oh."

"The senior ninja forces have taken disproportionate share of the damage from recent events," Kei noted. "Mostly because they are the ones brought to major battles, and because they usually have rooms in the clan's main residence and were therefore killed in the Collapse while the random genin sleeping in the annex behind the house are fine."

"How many ninja do we have overall?"

"Approximately 1,400. The vast majority genin, one third of whom are clanless with substandard education and training."

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Remember when we joined Leaf and it was the superpower of the Elemental Nations? I miss having four kage-level ninja as part of our military forces.

He shook his head in frustration. "Our—well, my best guess is that Rock has some sort of underground farming capacity. I have no idea what it could be or how it would operate, but it's the only thing that makes any sense."

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Let's be sure to steal that technology during the course of the war.

Hazō eyed her with wagonloads of skepticism but said nothing in reply, preferring instead to keep on track. "Alternatively, they must have some high-value targets outside the city proper. Jiraiya and Kagome-sensei both expressed serious doubts about doing seal research underground. I'm sure Rock has sealmasters, so where do they do their work?"

Kei and Shikamaru exchanged surprised glances.

"I admit, I had not considered that. Thank you, Hazō," Shikamaru said. His left hand trembled slightly; he casually pressed it against the table while misdirecting attention by reaching for the teapot. "I would like to keep the conversation moving but it would be helpful if, after we are done here, you could send us a list of what to look for when searching for seal research facilities."

"No problem. There is one place we might consider..."

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My eye twitched when reading this. Secret underground seal research facilities, indeed.

Snowflake snerked. "I believe that concern may have gone by the wayside."

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I greatly agree. I've been thinking this since the moment I found out about the war with Rock.

"Precisely," Kei said. "They have no summoners. Therefore, they have no one to teach the knowledge that a summoner needs."

Hazō's stomach plummeted. "Oh, Sage...they've had it for hundreds of years. They must have tried..."

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That is an extremely disturbing possibility that I had not considered.
shivers

"My seventh-wildest plan? What, you have a ranked list?"

"Moving on," Kei said with suspicious speed.

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I really want to see this list.

After talking with Shikamaru, Kei, and Snowflake for the morning and much of the afternoon, you caught up to Kagome-sensei in the evening and asked him for the status on reactive armor seals and when they might be complete. His response: "Hm? Oh, those things? Yeah, I finished them a while ago. They go off plenty fast enough to repel a thrown weapon. Probably make for great static defenses. Useless for personal defense, of course.

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Note to self, turn on "Kagome Seal Reasearch Complete" Notifications in Settings.

 

[_The_Bomb]

Chapter 467: The Battle for the Hokage's Legacy​

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He made a note to himself to never again schedule a meeting at the highest point in Leaf while movement-impaired

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We keep forgetting about this. One of these days it's going to lead to non-trivial consequences.

"Why, Hazō," Ami purred underneath him as his brain processed a series of sudden and terrifying soft sensations, "I had no idea you'd grown so bold. In public and in front of Kei."

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We have become an anime protagonist.

"Your crutches, Hazō," spoke a voice that could freeze fire. Kei raised the crutches in a movement that wavered between assistance and imminent impalement.

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Complete with a Tsundere romance option AND sister romance option.

"Transforming Leaf society or pouring powdered willowbark into my peppermint tea?"

"Both," Hazō said. "That seems like it's going to be an abysmal combination."

Ami looked down into her cup. "I get… headaches.

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Worrying.

Also, willowbark = pre-industrilized medicene asprin

She took a sip of her tea and shuddered. "Yep, this'll take my mind off any lesser suffering, sure enough."

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What lesser suffering is giving her a headache?

Ami shrugged. "I think that if he took the Dragon threat seriously, he'd probably take over the research and commandeer you, the other sealmasters, and whatever resources he wanted. I don't have him pegged as someone who holds back when something piques his interest. That said, he's a biosealer, right? Is there any chance this is just outside his area of expertise?"

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Reminder to the thread about what would happen if we include Oro in DRAGONWAR.

 

[_The_Bomb]

Interlude: Coincidence

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I'm too tired to properly understand this. Reminder to self: read later.

Interlude: To the Sister I Will Never Meet

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same

Chapter 468: The Assault

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I have been waiting for this to happen for a very long time.
(similes evily)

Isobe poured himself a cup of the blackberry brandy that Asuma kept in the cabinet against the wall, then sat as directed. He was seventy-three years old and had been the secretary to five (six, depending on how you counted) Hokage over a period of forty years. He had been there for the birth of all of his twelve children and had been such a good provider that only five of them had been lost to childhood illness. He had attended the birth of literally scores of his grand- and greatgrandchildren and been there for the Naming Days of the ones whose births he couldn't attend because he was busy helping whichever Hokage was in power prevent the latest crisis that threatened the peace and safety of the nation in which those descendants lived. He had given up on being surprised by these requests for conversation back when Asuma's father was in power the first time. Isobe was no Shikaku with the blinding intelligence that pulled correct deductions seemingly from thin air, but he had a practicality and common sense that his superiors recognized and valued. Plus, they knew that he was absolutely loyal and would not judge them.

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Asuma has his own Gaku CONFIRMED

Noburi's chakra reserves are massive but not unlimited

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Glad our OPSEC on his tiny reserves is holding.

"Hazō doesn't really think about those things," Asuma said, flicking his ash into a tray on the desk. "What he does think about is the fact that the Arachnid Summoning Scroll might be at the facility. Not too long ago he convinced me to send ANBU to scout the place."

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Asuma's Gaku has Hokage-level long-term thinking/planning abilities and a rock-solid grasp of pretty much everything relevant to any sort of operation. He's probably better at this then we are.

"Yup. And now that a war has started they're going to be highly motivated to find someone. Sending half a dozen summoners to their doorstep, summoners who could potentially be captured and interrogated? Moreover, too many of our summoners are chūnin. Much easier to capture, retain, and interrogate than someone like me or Tsunade."

"Would you have to send them?"

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He really thinks like a Hokage.

"Give it to someone and get them trained as fast as possible. Probably Kagome."

"That would be a lot of Scrolls in one clan."

"Yup." Another drag on the cigarette. "And a lot of other clans are going to be furious about it." He chuckled. "I don't even think Hazō realizes that he's blackmailing me."

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Yay!

Also, I called that Asuma would be tempted to give it to someone else but y'all said it was a non-issue.

"Yup." Another drag on the cigarette. "And a lot of other clans are going to be furious about it." He chuckled. "I don't even think Hazō realizes that he's blackmailing me."

"Seriously?"

"It's not how his brain works. He doesn't realize that he's put me in a situation where I have to authorize a military operation that might cost Leaf lives and significant military assets, and then I'm going to have to pay him for it with a massive increase to his clan's power and wealth."

"Why?"

"Because Kagome needs to be a summoner so that he can go to Arachnid territory and help figure out why a massive seal is failing in ways that might potentially destroy reality." He stubbed the cigarette out and rolled another, continuing to speak as he did. "And I have no way of verifying any of that. The preponderance of evidence suggests that it's true—Enma agrees that strange things have been happening on the Seventh Path, Hazō is a terrible liar, and I would like to think that even his thick head has absorbed the idea that if he screws with me one more time I'm going to kill him and damn the consequences. I also don't think that he has the forethought to run a con this long and I'm confident that Mari would understand the cost/benefit analysis, realize that the Scroll isn't worth the risk, and stop him from doing it. So yes, I think there really is a Great Seal, it really is failing, and that Hazō in his expert opinion—which, to be frank, is very expert—believes that there are going to be catastrophic effects when it does and that he needs Kagome's help to prevent it. Which means I need to run this op and I need to give them the Scroll afterwards."

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We really need to think about these sort of things. We somehow managed to get to a point that our military dictator recognizes our idiocy isn't malice but that's not a stable position to be in after we stop being 15.

Orochimaru, disturbingly, looked intrigued.

"Assuming the mission is successful, what will—"

"You can have all the bodies and any live captures once T&I is done with them."

"I am enthusiastically in favor of this mission."

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Fuck, Oro is terrifying.

The Hokage shrugged and leaned back in his seat. "I'm the head of a major and highly advanced nation state negotiating with a single individual from a technologically backwards civilization. What would be a mountain of treasure for them is likely to be petty cash for us. And if it's too high I can always refuse."

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The America vibes are strong in this one.

"Chūnin Nara. I am not in the habit of being dictated to by my subordinates. I believe I said 'go find a representative with authority to bargain.' If you thought there was an implied 'at your leisure and after twenty more minutes of debate' then you were mistaken."

Kei's lips tightened. For a long second it seemed as though she might actually continue the argument but finally she rose to her feet, bowed, and departed.

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Sorry, Kei.

 

[Veedrac]

I don't have it on hand, but I'm pretty sure there was a ruling once that EM affects liquids as well, as long as they're not fully enclosed.

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*hisss*

[[Ambiguity/lack-of clarity L2 alert!]]
[[INIT: SIREN NOISES]]
[[INIT: PAN!CKED QM SCREAM!NG]]
[[You have been invited to S̴̍q̴u̴ǐ̷̓d̷ G̴̑a̸͠m̷̝̓̾e̴]]

!!EXHIBIT A¡¡

Insides of creatures and objects cannot be affected directly. The description implies that it can affect ambient water temperature, but that has not been verified by the QMs.

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That is correct (says he, wondering at the sudden sense of impending doom).

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!!EXHIBIT B¡¡

Is that "inside of containers or inside of creatures" or "inside of containers or creatures at all"?

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I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say.

The technique changes the ambient temperature of the air - it affects the insides of creatures, and the insides of containers, only as an indirect result of this effect. (and in case you're wondering, no one has tried it underwater or in other nonstandard environments)

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Please remain calm and vacate the premises.

But seriously, this would be a bad idea and as far as I can recall has had no impact on the story.

 

[_The_Bomb]

Chapter 469: The Assault, Conclusion

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I am so pumped for this.

Eh, whatever. Two pounds of berries per month for the next year? Plus a pound of honey, twenty pounds of the inner bark from one of those yummy oak trees that the humans had, and the summoner would come by to pick the parasites off him and his wife and oil their quills? All of that for a few hours of work. Bargain.

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I fucking love comparative advantage.

"Absolutely. There's a problem, though. Pankēki said that the fortress gates have been closed and the walls have been reinforced somehow. She couldn't dig through the stone and when Hebino tried a jutsu on it the effect bounced back and fried her. People are scouting for an alternate way in but we aren't sure how to make progress from here."

"I shall handle it," Orochimaru said. "I suggest you start your swim. The gates will be down shortly."

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S-Rank Ninja = Automatic Win For 99% of Problems

Kei very carefully said nothing. Not only was there nothing to say but she was having trouble breathing. She shouldn't—the snake's coils were at least twenty feet away in any direction—yet the way they encircled her meant that she still felt the looming sense of contact, the image of scaly horror brushing across her skin, perhaps a tongue the size of a tree wrapping around her.

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I cannot wait until we can summon our own bosses. It'll be a while, but still...

"Hah! Found it!"

The assault team was gathered for food in what had been a communal kitchen / dining area. There had been a rearguard action here; some blood was splashed across the floor where one of the snakes had pumped a Rock ninja full of hemorrhagic venom that caused him to bleed from every orifice. The walls were full of sanguine divots where a porcupine's thrown quills had passed through an enemy before hitting the backstop. Everyone looked up as Motokazu's eyes opened.

"The Scroll?" Orochimaru demanded.

"Yes. The real one this time."

"Panashe will be glad," Kei said. "She was getting tired of digging up all the fakes."

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Sucess!!!

"In fairness," Kei said, "they also built a training facility and seal research complex on top of it as a defense against theft. Now, if you will pardon me, I suggest that we retrieve it and then depart before the enemy arrives. Summoning Technique: Panashe!"

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Oh, the parallels.

 

[_The_Bomb]

Chapter 470: The Learning of Lessons​

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The contents hit like a thunderbolt, a rush of chakra sweeping the nausea away and reducing the muscle aches to a familiar background hum that experience said would be gone in minutes. His fingers and toes woke up from the nigh-insensate torpor they had been in since the last time Noburi came by to suck out most of Haru's life force.

"What???"

Mari kept her eyes on the horizon and sampled from a battered tin flask given to her by her first commander, but there was a smile on her face when she replied. "I told Noburi it was for me. When you see him coming make sure that you boost to get rid of it before he drains you. Can't have more than you should have regenerated."

Haru stared at her, agape.

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Obvious manipulation is obvious.
I'm curious what would happen if he doesn't bother to hide it and just tells Noburi "Mari gave me this as part of her manipulations."

Mari snorted and shook her head. "Uplift is complicated. Whatever Hazō might like, simple rules like 'never kill a civilian' aren't the way to go when you're trying to make the world better overall. As to the Hokage, he doesn't give a shit about the fact that you were killing yakuza. What he cares about is that people knew you were killing yakuza, which means that someone, probably the Hagoromo, could have leveraged it against us and that would have been a political headache for Asuma. The Hags could have publicly declared that you were doing it and then the Merchant Council would have been in a bind—they could either demand that you be executed, which would cause them all kinds of problems, or they could ignore it and all the clans would know that it was open season on civilians."

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This is an interesting way to make Haru listen to Hazō's underlying reasons for his harsh punishment.

"Anyway, it is what it is. Hazō didn't like what you did and he was going to tell you to knock it off. There probably would have been some punishment, but I doubt it would have been this. He's doing this because he's struggling to improve as a person, to raise his moral bar, and he's taking his cues from Akane on how to do it. He's not going to let you off the hook until she's satisfied, because he's trusting her to know the morally right action on tough cases like this one. She's not going to let you off until she's satisfied that you've changed."

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Yep, that's absolutly what she's doing.

Mari shrugged and stood up, casually brushing pebbles off the seat of her pants. "If you want to be a spy instead of a thug then you need to learn how to read people and how to give them what they need. For now, go to sleep. Tomorrow, put yourself in Akane's head. Figure out what about your actions was the crux of the issue for her. Figure out what would have to be different for her to feel that it was safe to have you running around in ninja society again. If you can get that far then I'll help you work on how to present it." She tapped two fingers off her head in casual salute and turned away...and then turned back.

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...

"Are you 'producing a desired reaction' in me right now?"

"Yup. 'Interested but worried and careful.' How'm I doing?"

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XD

Chapter 471, Part 1: Frangible Balance

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"Nobody denies your right to hate them for what they've done to your people," she told the condor, "but if you give in to provocation, then you're letting the Pangolins control even your anger. It's a Condor's privilege to be above such petty attempts."

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Wow, you're really drawing on Civil Rights Era philosophy here.

"This, nephew, is why I do not care for diplomacy. It is like dealing with children, except that silencing them only increases the noise in the long run."

Hazō's blood froze. This was what you got for carelessly invoking the spirit of Ami even in your head.

"O-Orochimaru! What are you doing—I mean thank you for coming! I didn't expect to see you here."

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"Kai!"
Oro: raises eyebrow in amusement
Hazō: sweats nervously

As the guests drifted gradually into the central room for the promised speech, it was increasingly apparent that both Lord Gōketsu and Orochimaru were missing.

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fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

For now, though, Ruri had more immediate concerns. Lord Gōketsu was missing, and Lady Nara had, in desperation, asked her to do the celebratory speech.

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That's your main concern right now?

Chapter 471, Part 2: Beneath the Serpent's Gaze

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No, Orochimaru needed to either be entertained enough to forget his Orochimaruness for a couple of hours or made bored enough to leave without incident.

Hazō mentally gritted his teeth. "Orochimaru!"

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I would rather deal with Hidan.

"You know," Hazō said, "I don't think I've had a chance to tell you about the Great Seal."

Finally, to his satisfaction and his regret, Orochimaru turned to face him head-on.

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We literally were just pointed out what would happen if he got too interested in it. Oro is such a walking nightmare that this is still an acceptable risk if it acomplishes distracting him for a few hours.

The corridor narrowed around Hazō like the jaws of a hungry beast, light turning to shadow to darkness until all that was left was Orochimaru's gaze in the middle of a lifeless void. There was nothing to cling to, nothing to keep him whole. Orochimaru's eyes cut straight into the flesh of his mind, severing arteries and carving out nerves as Hazō was reshaped into a thing more to Orochimaru's convenience—

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Oro's jōnin aura. Noted. Always awesome seeing these get used. How jonin auras work and piecing together how we will eventually develop our own is currently my favorite background plot thread in this quest. Especially when you consider how it interacts with Resolve (both offensively and defensively), which we will be raising to stupidly high levels.

"Nephew," Orochimaru interrupted, "Kabuto explained your wild claims during his attempts to direct my attention to your project. If you stand by your insistence that you were able to accurately memorise a vast 3D seal, in its entirety, in a matter of seconds, and recall it still despite the Dragon's psychic assault that cast you back to the Human Path and nearly shattered your mind, that means you have a powerful combination of cognitive enhancement and 3D scanning ability. This is something I require."

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........

"It's a secret special ability of the Iron Nerve," Hazō explained as fast as clarity of speech would allow. "When I looked at the Great Seal, I was able to—"

"There you are, Hazō!"

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This will come back to bite us later. Possibly in the form of a vivisection to steal our bloodline. Silver lining, at least Oro know belives that we can provide accurate info on the Great Seal.

"Regrettable," Orochimaru muttered, his gaze wandering into the distance.

Hazō did not have it in him to feel relieved, not right now, but he recognised the glorious, impossible victory. He'd been so scared, for so long, of what would happen if Orochimaru found out about the power to memorise any seal he saw, once and forever, and about exactly which seals were locked away in Hazō's head…

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If I didn't see the literally dice involved, I would still be convinced that he knew and was just biding his time. Terrifying.

"Actually," she said to Orochimaru, "I've been thinking about a research topic you might find interesting. Tell me, what are your thoughts on cognitively-independent shadow clones?"

Oh, no. Mari, no.

"Impossible," Orochimaru scoffed. "A dead end of research. Do you think I would require apprentices if I could have assistants of my genius with the potential to generate different ideas from the same stimuli?"

Hazō tried to open his mouth to stop her. He tried. But whenever he looked at Orochimaru, he felt a lingering shadow of that inexorable compulsion, of iron walls separating him from his will. To lie to Orochimaru would be to reject his own existence.

"There is one," Mari said. "I could introduce her to you—or to her original, at least. I believe she's currently in one of the far outbuildings, lecturing her summon on proper behaviour."

"The very notion is preposterous," Orochimaru said. "I'll believe it when I see it." He rose from his seat to follow her, carelessly knocking one of the ritual sacrifice cards to the floor.

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In trying to save our family from Oro's interest, we became a hostage and forced Mari to direct his attention to Kei. Plus, he is also now mildly intersted in us.