Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
-
- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard
Well.....I've been silent while reading this, slwoly catching up to page 7756 over the past 4 days, but I gotta admit, I didn't see this coming.
Itachi?
Orochimaru...times eight?
A massive Seal Array?
Extreme lack of smores at the campfire!?
Crazy I tell ya...crazy.
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Add "smores" to the list of things for Hazō to invent. Also, welcome to the quest!
S M o Re e Good to be here, thank you! But wait-
Isn't Hazō a pile of non-existent ashes due to a massive backfiring of inviting Kagome?
(Note: I'm not exactly the fastest reader, so I've only made it to page 378. Every comment and post is so crazy condensed with words.)
Isn't Hazō a pile of non-existent ashes due to a massive backfiring of inviting Kagome?
(Note: I'm not exactly the fastest reader, so I've only made it to page 378. Every comment and post is so crazy condensed with words.)
- Location
- The Maple Syrup Mountains
Note the date that chapter was posted.
By Jove, how could I have missed it?
March 32st, EaglJarl's birthday!
- Location
- Book Fort
- Pronouns
- They/Them
1) rereading this scene hurts all the more, knowing that Kei feels romantic affection for Hazou, and that the perceived loss of his trust hurts her twice as hard.
2) This sentence, lingering in their memory, may yet spur either Kei or Snowflake to do something sudden/impulse/unwise/interesting.
3) this likely compounds Hazou's "bravery" in Kei's eyes. She treats sorrow like an inevitablity. She treated the Conjura battle as a suicide mission, and is nearly as fatalistic as Ami is (though Kei now has regular therapy sessions with Akane to be able to "walk into the light"). Kei, from her perspective, has betrayed Hazou's trust and possibly destroyed her place within Hazou's heart/family. And the more she thinks about it, the more Kei realizes the severity of her transgressions, the depths of her betrayal.
But Hazou doesn't think twice about reopening the doors to his heart, and letting her back in. Hazou readily admits his faults (persuades her that they existed at all, in fact), and he does so in that "charmingly awkward" way of his.
Sure, perhaps Kei isn't wholly convinced. And sure, Kei may still place the majority of the blame in her shoulders. But Hazou still reopened the doors to his heart for Kei, in the very same moment that he realized they had begun to close at all.
Hazou forgave Kei, who had betrayed him, and had lost his trust. He did so immediately and without question. He did it so effortlessly, as if it were the natural thing to do. As if no one had ever told Hazou it was the hardest thing in the world.
In the words of Snowflake "...brave. So brave."
Last edited:
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Welcome! You are a mighty and impressive person for choosing to read the entire thread and I look forward to hearing more from you when the time comes. How did you find us?
Aha, thank you for the compliment, but I don't think I can be called 'impressive' until I hit at least page 3500. I'll keep rootin' for the Springtime of Youth or cry trying! I myself look forward to be able to vote and discuss the future of these shinobi.
Oh, and I found you by pure luck, when scrolling through threads. Saw the word count and figured it was a good challenge.
Noumero
Omit Needless Words
- Pronouns
- He/Him
challenge accepted
- Location
- Yes.
[X] Convert as many people to the Church of Youth as possible in one day
- Pronouns
- He/Him
>this but unironically
- Location
- Pacific standard
Idea for social ami style training: for an entire day every word spoken must contain a consecutive letter. As a bonus, since the qms model EN-ese as it's own thing and translate to English they don't even have to write differently, they can just have people react to Hazō as though he's being weird
- Pronouns
- He/Him
What ninja skill does this train exactly? Vocabulary...?
- Location
- Yes.
Aminess.
- Location
- Pacific standard
Presence. The ability to choose words to maximize some goal.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Seems reasonable, but I'm a bit busy so I'll have to add it to the post in my sig later, it seems. Another idea I thought of since the Mori like symmetry is "end as many sentences with the word they started with as you can without being noticed" and that could be something a bit flirty they do with one another. It could get really annoying to write however so that would depend on how much the QMs (probably Vel) want to put up with it. For an example, reread this post now that you know what to look for!
Noumero
Omit Needless Words
Oh, and make it a competition where if someone notices and does that back at you, you have to respond with a sentence that ends on the same two words it started, appropriately reversed, and they'd need to respond with a thrice-symmetical, and so on.
Chapter 473, Part 2: Things Get Worse
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Hazō, Kei, Akane, and Shikamaru (whose drowsiness had lasted exactly until the word "Orochimaru") sat around the Nara war council table, each with a cup of stimulating green tea brewed according to a secret Nara recipe (clearly made with acerbic tomatoes, or some other kind of lethal chakra plant, because no ordinary herb could be so throat-ravagingly bitter). Twin oil lamps cast dancing shadows onto the ceiling which did not make the night feel any less sinister to Hazō, and freezing cold night air wafted in through windows kept open in order to be able to hear any screams from the gate guards.
"Found it." Shikamaru extracted a few sheets of paper from the Nara Contingencies Folder (vol. 7). "'In the event that Orochimaru shows undue interest in a Nara kinsman or ally'. The base material is decades old, dating from before his responsibility for the disappearances was any more than a statistical inference, but needless to say, it was urgently updated.
"I would suggest that our response should be two-pronged," Shikamaru went on. "First, we require a commitment to Kei's safety from the Hokage. If Orochimaru is told that kidnapping her would constitute a violation of direct orders, it is doubtful that he would be willing to risk the consequences for the sake of a research avenue he considers long since closed."
"Not pessimistic enough," Kei snapped. "He will simply secure plausible deniability, perhaps when I am outside the village on a mission. The Hokage will not confront Orochimaru over a mere possibility, especially since by the time such a disappearance is made known to him, I will likely already be dead."
"Granted," Shikamaru said, only a slight twitch of his fingers revealing that maybe he wasn't quite as calm as he was letting on. "However, our second prong is deterrence through force, namely Naruto and/or Tsunade. It would be a worst-case scenario should the Hokage order them to stand down because he has chosen to tolerate Orochimaru's actions.
"At the present time, the Hokage could be at the Tower, at the Sarutobi compound, or, if we are particularly unfortunate, enjoying a night out with his fiancée. Tsunade could be at the hospital or, less likely, at her home."
"She's at the hospital," Hazō interrupted. "Noburi checked."
"It is a moot point," Kei replied. "Tsunade hates me. She will certainly sacrifice me rather than risk severing her bond with her last remaining family."
"What?" Shikamaru asked. "Why? I was under the impression that you barely knew her."
Kei looked down into her cup. "At our first meeting, I grievously offended her feelings when she was in the middle of mourning Jiraiya. She not unreasonably threatened me with a violent death."
"I am given to understand that she does that with everyone," Shikamaru said. "However, I take your point. We shall save her for Plan B. Plan A, Naruto, is either in bed or busy having a social life. I could not guess where those take place. Ami, also, could be anywhere in Leaf, and I cannot remember the last time I saw her in the company of her legally-mandated minder."
"Ino should be home, right?" Hazō volunteered.
Shikamaru nodded. "I would expect so. She has had a trying few days. She will certainly support us in this issue. That brings us to—"
"Message from the Gōketsu, My Lord!"
The messenger was not out of breath. This detail struck Hazō as very important, though it took him a second to realise why. A messenger not out of breath meant the news wasn't "run as fast as you can" urgent, as, say, "Orochimaru is heading your way" would be. In other words, either he'd left shortly after them and was nearly here, or…
Hazō gingerly took the note from the messenger's hands.
The handwriting was Noburi's.
Orochimaru's pissed. Said he was going home. Wants Kei to come to his compound in the morning (like hell). Mari says she's fine. She's not. Hope she's right about you being safe with the Nara. I'm going to stay here and do the host thing and pretend you two running away is all according to plan and make sure Kagome doesn't decide to march to the Basement with his biggest explosives and Yuno doesn't do I don't even know what. Please send a message back to say you're OK.
"Looks like we've got a night's reprieve," Hazō said, passing the note to Akane. "Orochimaru's stomped off in a huff, or said he'd be stomping off in a huff, and I don't think he takes us seriously enough to lie."
"Good," Akane said. "If we can wait until tomorrow morning, we'll be able to handle things with clear heads and without having to seek help from people whom we've just got out of bed in the middle of the night. Let's pick this up first thing in the morning."
They would not pick this up first thing in the morning.
-o-
"Lord Nara, the Hokage demands your presence at the Tower with all haste," announced the messenger with the red sash to a bleary-eyed Shikamaru. "Lady Nara is also required."
The woman glanced at Hazō, who'd dashed to Shikamaru's office as soon as he heard there'd been a message, technically interfering with Shikamaru's clan head right to confidentiality (shinobi had been accused of espionage for less). Her brief up-and-down look suggested she'd drawn conclusions from him already being in Shikamaru's compound at first light, looking miserable (how had he been supposed to sleep?) and wearing only borrowed pyjamas. Hopefully, she just thought they'd been drinking into the early hours.
"Lord Gōketsu? I didn't realise you'd be here. You are summoned as well."
"Did the Hokage say why?"
"It appears to be a matter of life and death, My Lord. It always is, in wartime."
-o-
The Clan Council chamber was half-full by the time Hazō, Kei, and Shikamaru got there, with more clan heads steadily streaming in. Unlike the last emergency summons, Asuma himself was absent, though an enormous map of the Fire Country was sprawled open in front of the Hokage seat. Shikamaru took a seat one away from Hazō; Kei sat down between them.
The clan heads around them were focused, but not overly tense. It did not come as any surprise to anyone that Rock had unleashed some kind of large-scale retaliation in return for the Battle of Five Clans; Asuma had just assigned heavy additional patrols in western Fire precisely in anticipation of same. What then, could constitute enough of an emergency to summon a full war council straight out of bed? Hazō leaned towards the map…
Orochimaru sat down opposite Kei.
Kei froze like a rabbit in a serpent's line of sight. Beneath the table, Hazō could see her hands tighten into white-knuckled fists.
Orochimaru's gaze was completely detached as he studied her features, as if he was not interacting with another human being, but browsing a fishmonger's stall in anticipation of tonight's dinner. Somewhere behind those vertical pupils, Hazō could tell he was already thinking about how best to fillet the catch of the day.
Finally, mercifully, Orochimaru turned away to study the map.
Hazō, unable to think of anything to say that could possibly make things better, did likewise.
The map happened to be facing Hazō, and from what he could see, the western edge seemed unchanged from before. A column of crossed-out signs still marked the destroyed border outposts from the disastrous first blow that had started the war. There were no markers to indicate a recent pitched battle, or some new cataclysm like the Great Collapse. Maybe they'd been summoned based on word from the spy network? It would be just like Jiraiya to be protecting Leaf even from beyond the grave.
Wait. Something clicked in Hazō's sleep-deprived brain. Those contours weren't quite right. He'd studied Leaf's best map of Rock only recently, in preparation for the Battle of Five Clans, and at that time, the border…
Oh. Oh, no.
The map wasn't facing Hazō. It was facing the Hokage.
He nearly jumped as the door slammed shut behind him. The Hokage strode in with the very patient, even stride of a man holding himself back from explosive violence. He sat down in his seat, scanned the room to make sure everyone was present, then began to speak.
"Four hours ago," he said in a controlled voice, "The Village Hidden in the Clouds invaded the Fire Country."
Around the little bubble of silence formed by the exhausted Hazō, the paralysed Kei, and the frowning Shikamaru, the room burst into clamour.
"Those opportunistic vultures!"
"I said we should never have signed a peace treaty with those airsick highlanders!"
"Lord Kyoshō, you were the one who insisted—"
"Silence!" the Hokage's fist struck the table. "We do not have time for the shameful bickering of our last invasion response meeting."
He paused, as if daring anyone to remind him that he was the one who'd thrown a tantrum and tried to give an order that would result in Leaf's annihilation.
But the wild rage that had consumed the Hokage that time was nowhere to be seen.
No, that wasn't quite right. It was there, in the tightness of his jaw. It was in the rigidity of his spine as he loomed over the table, his shadow somehow twice as big as that of the other ninja present. It was in the fixed stare he gave them one by one, as if to say, "The time for games is over". Looking him in the eye, Hazō felt a sudden compelling certainty that Leaf's enemies had awakened a monster that would destroy them without fail.
Yes, Sarutobi Asuma was learning his own lessons from leadership in a time of crisis. This meeting would be very different in tone.
"The reports are still being processed," the Hokage said. "We'll cover them later. What we know is that Cloud troops swarmed the eastern coast without warning and struck our outposts simultaneously—with the use of skywalkers."
"Skywalkers?" Lord Akimichi asked. "They're certain?"
The Hokage nodded. "The coastal areas are less densely wooded than central Fire. Cloud took advantage of the limited tree cover to enable an aerial assault."
"We long anticipated that Cloud would be the first village after Leaf to properly integrate skywalkers into their military doctrine," Shikamaru added. "Though I can't say I feel particularly pleased to be proven right."
"Then you think we can expect more skywalker attacks?" Lord Akimichi asked.
Shikamaru nodded. "It's a matter of psychology. We of Leaf learn to climb trees as soon as we learn to walk, and tree walking is a core part of the Academy curriculum. Even then, an unfortunate few are unable to function high off the ground without vertigo, nausea, and risk of panic. More develop such symptoms at skywalker heights, and there is a limit to how much they can be overcome with training. On the other hand, the shinobi of Hidden Rock spend the majority of their lives underground. We speculate this is the reason for why we have not seen more skywalker-equipped squads from them.
"Cloud, of course, lies in the mountains, horrifying terrain where long, lethal falls are only ever a few metres away. One would expect their shinobi to be more comfortable with the psychological elements of skywalker operation than any other."
"We can't sustain a war on two fronts," the Hokage said. "We can handle Rock, because despite their superior numbers, their movements are constrained by our ability to field more S-rank combatants. Cloud, who also have superior numbers, must not be added to that equation."
Belatedly, the implication struck Hazō. With the opening of an extra front, Orochimaru's value to Leaf had just doubled. Hazō and Kei's hadn't.
"At the conclusion of this meeting, I intend to send requests for military assistance to Mist, Sand, and Isan, as well as any minor villages we decide are likely to answer our call."
The Hokage paused.
It was as if the air suddenly grew thicker, heavier. Hazō could feel a weight hanging over them, about to fall, and when it did, something would change forever.
The Hokage's words brought it crashing down.
"We have entered the Fourth Shinobi World War."
-o-
The discussion regarding Sand was quite short. Nobody was under any illusions that the poorest village, at least a generation away from being able to call itself a great power again without scornful laughter, was going to be the trump card that saved the day. Still, the Hokage said flatly, they would contribute what they could, even if it was only speciality Wind ninjutsu that could be used against skywalkers, or they could kiss Fire Country grain goodbye forever.
There was more hope for Mist. If they could get a messenger past the Cloud-held coast, Mist could join them in a hammer-and-anvil move before Cloud had a chance to dig in with lasting fortifications. In fact, the prospect of sending Ami away for an unknown length of time was in itself a significant morale boost for some of the clan heads present.
Of course, it had the opposite effect on Kei, who had now gained one attentive Orochimaru and lost one primary pillar of emotional support. Which was why, when the Hokage finally spoke the words of doom, she was in no state to fight back.
"Lady Nara, I am dispatching you to Isan, to negotiate reinforcements with Elder Takahashi and the Isan Council in accordance with the terms of our new military alliance."
A mission outside the village, alone but for a small escort, immediately after coming to Orochimaru's attention.
Then again, surely Orochimaru wouldn't sabotage a vital mission in wartime for purely selfish purposes?
Except it was by no means beyond Orochimaru's power to disappear Kei while leaving her escort untouched. With time being of the essence, they'd forge ahead to Isan instead of turning back, and Leaf would still get its reinforcements—just without the benefit of Kei's personal influence. Or, if Orochimaru was more patient, he could just estimate her return time and catch her on the way back.
Hazō could see each of these thoughts going through Kei's head as she sat motionless next to him. He could see Shikamaru staring straight ahead, thinking desperately, looking for a way out.
At the last second, before the decision was set in stone, a flash of utter brilliance, or perhaps utter madness, found its way from beyond the depths of the Out, onto this benighted mortal plane, through Hazō's brain fog, and to his mouth, and in a single moment of suicidal courage he decided not to overrule it.
"Lord Hokage, I think we should send Orochimaru instead."
The great and the wise of Leaf turned to look at Hazō as one.
"Lord Gōketsu," the Hokage said, that simmering controlled rage somehow much less reassuring when it was pointing at Hazō himself, "are you suggesting that we should remove one of our key guarantees of survival from this country while we are under assault by two armies hell-bent on our destruction?"
"Lunacy," Orochimaru agreed. "Send the girl. My time is too precious to waste serving as a messenger."
Hazō opened his mouth to argue back. He wasn't yet sure how yet—all he could do was to try to engage his rational brain to try to follow the mad burst of inspiration back to its origin point, where it surely made some kind of sense.
Orochimaru's gaze put an end to that notion.
Tell me.
That night was over. He'd survived. But Hazō's will, bent nearly into snapping, wasn't ready to test itself against Orochimaru a second time. The idea of opening his mouth, of saying no to this creature that could and would crush him with a thought, was as out of his reach as the stars. He would recover. He would fight back. Hazō knew this to be true. But he also knew that, here and now, to even brush against Orochimaru's anger would bring him annihilation.
Hazō looked around desperately. Wasn't there anyone who could see what was going on? Wasn't there anyone who understood?
He looked to Kei's allies. Naruto gave him the usual cool look before returning to his study of the map, completely oblivious to the danger to his friend. Hazō wondered if it had ever occurred to the future-Hokage-for-certain to fear for his life outside a combat situation (or, to be fair, Akatsuki psychic torture).
Ino was looking at Kei and Shikamaru, trying to work out what was going on, but not there yet—or maybe just hoping for a cue to make sure she didn't get in the way of Shikamaru's incoming master plan.
Lady Kei was tense, unreadable.
Representative Shimura met Hazō's eyes briefly, then looked away.
Somebody, please. If it ended like this…
Hazō's eyes searched the room for someone, anyone—at this point, he'd even accept a debt to the Hagoromo—and for an instant, they stopped on the other last person he'd expect to challenge Orochimaru on Kei's behalf.
Hinata's lips had just made a perfect little "o" of realisation as she looked at the snow-white statue that was Kei.
"Actually," she said slowly, "I believe I can see what Lord Gōketsu is driving at. Adding the forces of Isan to our numbers will certainly help tilt the scales in our favour… but Lord Gōketsu is envisioning a bolder move. Isn't that right?"
Hazō nodded. He didn't know what he was allegedly driving at, and right now, he didn't care.
"Suppose," Hinata said, "that just as Cloud is growing complacent due to our lack of a counter-attack, a force of hundreds of shinobi, spearheaded by Orochimaru of the Three, suddenly sweeps up the coast from a position where Leaf has no known troops. I imagine Cloud's losses would be devastating. In a best-case scenario, we might be able to drive back this wave of the invasion altogether, leaving incoming Mist reinforcements fresh to take on Rock without delay."
The Hokage nodded along thoughtfully. "You paint an appealing picture, Lady Hyūga. I, for one, have long since had enough of foreign scum carving up Fire like a pig at market while we sit back and take occasional potshots—however effective they may be." He gave Hazō an appreciative nod.
In the corner of Hazō's peripheral vision, Aburame raised his hand.
"Lord Aburame, your thoughts?" the Hokage asked.
"Lord Hokage," Aburame said, adjusting his glasses as if in preparation, "the original problem remains. We cannot permit ourselves to send Lord Orochimaru out of the Fire Country. Why? Because our ability to field three S-rank combatants is our main advantage in this war. If Rock and Cloud ally, or even just attack simultaneously, while Lord Orochimaru is away, the Four-, Five-, and Eight-Tails, together with Grandmaster F, could overwhelm us without hesitation. They are intelligent enough to know this."
"Watch it, Shino," Naruto snapped. "I promise you, if any of them tries to lay a hand on Leaf, they'll be joining their old Kage in Naraka before you can say, 'overpowered signature technique'."
"With respect, Lord Uzumaki," Aburame replied, "even you can't be everywhere at once."
Naruto raised an eyebrow.
"You know what I mean," Aburame said peevishly. "Even if you and Tsunade can personally handle whatever is thrown at you, by the time you are done, Leaf's conventional forces could well have ceased to exist."
Naruto made to reply, but by that point, Hazō and his unlikely supporters had won enough time.
"If I may, Lord Hokage," Shikamaru spoke up in the self-possessed voice of a man who had run the calculations and would not be defied by the lesser logic of those who hadn't (Hazō knew it intimately after so much time spent around Kei and Ami).
"Lord Nara."
"I do not believe that this is a full-scale invasion analogous to Rock's in scope and intent," Shikamaru said, rising from his seat and leaning over past Kei to trace the lines that Hazō now understood to indicate territory no longer under Leaf control. That she stayed frozen even as he brushed past her spoke volumes.
"Note how they have ignored the northern border, a natural staging ground for pushing into the Fire heartlands, assuming they are able to negotiate with Hot Springs—something I believe they could manage in the current geopolitical environment. On the other hand, they have cut us off from the peninsula, which holds little military value to Leaf, at least that they know of, but is key to eastward trade."
Lord Inuzuka, unexpectedly the first to react, bared his teeth. "It's a bloody land grab! They don't care about Leaf—they just want to take our territory while our forces are busy on the western border!"
"Quite," Shikamaru agreed. "We have a surprisingly detailed personality profile for Grandmaster F—a legacy from the Fifth, who appears to have known her personally—and it does not portray her as a war hawk on the level of the Tsuchikage. If this is indeed an opportunistic act of territorial capture, then Cloud has no intent on spending forces in an assault on our most fortified stronghold deep in the heart of the Fire Country."
The Hokage nodded. "And land grabs are best dealt with quickly and with overwhelming force, before Cloud decides we look weak enough that a full invasion might be on the cards after all."
"It is a gamble," Lord Hagoromo objected in a voice somewhere between a scoff and a snarl. "Suppose the esteemed Lord Nara's on-the-spot analysis is inaccurate. Without Lord Orochimaru, we are committed to a defensive stance until this plan succeeds or fails. If, during this time, Cloud pushes and Rock continues to push, the losses we incur could be unrecoverable. Liberating the coast will not be much of an achievement if the heart of Fire comes under siege."
"In any case," Orochimaru said icily, "it is out of the question. I am always ready to do my duty defending Leaf, but I have essential experiments which would not survive a week or more of absence, and other projects which I would be forced to suspend." He looked briefly at Kei. She shivered minutely. "Send Tsunade. She is much more suited to negotiation, from a certain point of view."
"Did you leave your brain in your Basement, Oro," Tsunade snapped, "or is it still up your ass where you normally keep it? Every day I spend away from the hospital is a day people die. That's what happens when you're in a Sage-damned war. How about, instead, you stop playing with your toys for one damn second and do what your Hokage tells you?"
Orochimaru rolled his eyes. "Fine, then. The Uzumaki boy. He could do with the experience."
"S-Summoners…"
It was barely a whisper.
"I'm sorry, Lady Nara?" Hazō asked politely, but at a volume more suited to screaming, "Sealing failure!"
"Isan… reveres… summoners…"
"Of course," Hazō said, keeping his voice at the same volume because if he didn't, he wasn't sure it would come out again with Orochimaru watching. "The people of Isan revere summoners. With all due respect to Lord Uzumaki's diplomatic skills, to the Isanese he's only going to be a very charming young man, whereas Lord Orochimaru is a master summoner with obvious decades of experience."
A candle lit itself as his brain continued to stir itself from its lack of slumber. "Oh, and I should probably mention that there's an entire cult of Orochimaru worshippers which has been spreading its word among the population."
The Hokage stared at him as if he'd just asked for permission to be adopted as Mori Ryūgamine's grandson. "What."
Opposite Kei, Orochimaru visibly deflated. Hazō could feel his aura of menace waver like a giant snake turning out to be a heat mirage.
"Not more of those," he said wearily. "There is nothing more tiresome than being worshipped by amateurs who think one venomous prehensile tail or a handful of flesh golems makes them worthy of apprenticeship. Even killing them only encourages the rest to work harder. I had to move my laboratory three times."
The Hokage shook his head. "I'm going to forget I ever heard that. Now, with that option on the table, I want to hear alternatives."
-o-
"Lord Hokage!" Hazō caught Asuma as the exhausted leader finally crossed the threshold of his office. "Would you mind if Kei and I had a word?"
"Hazō," Asuma said in low tones of resignation, "are you about to make my already-atrocious day even more difficult?"
"Yes, sir."
Asuma sighed. "Come in."
Asuma sat down behind the Hokage desk, stacked higher with paperwork than ever. He raised his hand and snapped his fingers.
"How may I be of service, sir?"
Secretary Isobe was a civilian. An elderly civilian, at that. Hazō, with chūnin-level threat perception combined with the knowledge that Asuma wasn't an idiot, would stake the Gōketsu fortune on it (especially since the Gōketsu fortune was currently in the negative). How, then, the man was already at the door with a pot of hot tea was beyond Hazō's ability to imagine.
"Ah, Isobe. Thank you. That's all I need."
Asuma accepted a cup. "Strong willowbark, Hazō, Keiko?"
Hazō shook his head. "I get a strictly rationed amount each day. Tsunade says more would be bad for the liver."
Kei took one with a mute nod of gratitude.
"So," Asuma said, "what can I do for you that's more important than urgent countermeasures to an enemy invasion?"
Hazō took a deep breath. He was acutely aware of the stakes, which might not be life and death for Leaf at large, but were with 100% certainty life and death for him and/or Kei. With her in no state to sway Asuma with her eloquence, it was down to him to get this right, and this was probably his only chance.
"Sir," he began, "we have strong reason to believe that Orochimaru intends to kidnap and dissect Kei, and possibly myself. I'd like to ask you to order him not to."
Asuma took a very large swig of willowbark tea.
"Why," he asked of no one in particular, "is it always the Gōketsu?"
"Sir!" Hazō said, temper flaring. "We are in no way the aggressors in this situation!"
"I know, Hazō," Asuma said. "The fact remains: the Gōketsu have been responsible for about two thirds of the crises that I have had to deal with in my time as Hokage, in one capacity or another."
He took a long, deep breath, looking between Hazō and the slowly-recovering Kei.
"You two are not going to like what I have to say."
"Sir?" Hazō asked, bracing himself. Kei did not seem at all surprised.
"I'm going to be honest with you," Asuma said, "and what I'm saying does not leave this room. Is that understood?"
Hazō nodded reluctantly, not like he had a choice. Kei did as well.
"My father," Asuma said, "loved Orochimaru as a son. But when he received proof that Orochimaru was kidnapping and killing fellow Leaf shinobi, he did not hesitate to declare him guilty of treason and attempt to arrest him for trial and execution. There is no greater crime against the Will of Fire than to betray a comrade, or be complicit in the betrayal of a comrade. My father understood this."
Hope soared in Hazō's breast.
"I am not my father."
Asuma wasn't simmering with rage. Not anymore. That beast was still in there somewhere, Hazō was sure, waiting for Leaf's enemies, but right now, Hazō was just facing a very powerful, very tired man.
"If I could, I'd put Orochimaru on trial this very day. I don't have any proof that he's back to his old ways, but I'm not a fool. If that man goes through the justice of the Will of Fire, I very much doubt he'll come out unburned.
"But this village needs Orochimaru to survive. The second he turns on Leaf, for any reason, we become objectively weaker than our main threats. In a worst-case scenario, he will be adopted as you were by fools who have no idea what they're getting into.
"Today, his military value doubled. If he goes missing, and Rock and Cloud find out, they will not hesitate. With Fire's bountiful farmland as the prize, an alliance of convenience between them is such an obvious move that it's almost surprising they haven't made one already.
"For all we know," he added grimly, "they have.
"Until now, I've painstakingly avoided a confrontation between the Tower and Orochimaru. The Final Gift Programme was a blessing from the Deva Path, and I'd sincerely hoped that between that and the occasional missing-nin, we could keep Orochimaru in his Basement long enough for Leaf to stop needing him. That is still my objective, because every day Orochimaru goes without clearing his name or being punished for his crimes is a day that this village drifts further from the Will of Fire."
Hazō felt cold inside.
"Sir, if you give Orochimaru tacit content, we will be killed. And then, Leaf will riot."
"Yes," Asuma agreed. "It will. A clan head. The Nara consort. A KEI co-ordinator. I will have half of Leaf at my door, demanding that I rein in Orochimaru at once."
Asuma took another gulp of willowbark tea. It didn't seem to help much.
"You are the Hokage," he said to Hazō. "What do you do next?"
What did Hazō the Hokage do next? His instinctive response was just to say, "Rein in Orochimaru", but he suspected that if it was that simple, they wouldn't be having this conversation.
"In a direct confrontation with the Hokage," Asuma said, "Orochimaru has every reason to push his luck. If he wins, he's established the precedent that nobody in Leaf, not even a clan head, is beyond his reach. It's a prize beyond imagination. If he loses, he already knows that he can live a satisfactory existence on his own—again, assuming the taste of civilisation doesn't incline him to join one of our enemies, and sell our secrets in exchange for more corpses or whatever it is Orochimaru wants from life.
"So what do you do, Hazō the Hokage? If the clans are unhappy, the worst they can do is depose you. If Orochimaru is unhappy, the worst he can do is doom Leaf to destruction at the hands of its enemies."
Silence.
"You are asking us to die," Kei whispered.
"I order shinobi to lay their lives on the line for Leaf every day, Keiko," Asuma said. "You signed yours away when you joined the Leaf military.
"But no," he went on, "that is not what I am doing here.
"This is not, and cannot be, about Orochimaru and the Tower. This is about Orochimaru and you. In this instance, you have options the Tower does not. There are two people in this village with both the raw strength and the moral code to stand in Orochimaru's way. If they do stand in Orochimaru's way, as private individuals, I strongly doubt his pride will let him run crying to the Hokage. Even if he does, making me choose him over Tsunade or Naruto is a very different thing to making me choose him over you."
Hazō didn't know what to say.
"My advice to you," Asuma said, "is to cooperate with him to the fullest extent possible. Let him examine you, or whatever it is he wants to do, in a place of your choice, with witnesses. If you want those witnesses to be officers of the Tower, I can arrange it. Maybe he'll decide that's good enough. Maybe he'll lose interest. Maybe new opportunities will arise. Deaths happen during war, and sometimes there isn't enough left of a body to recover, and Kurosawa and Mori are no exception.
"If you have any solutions of your own, I am prepared to be flexible. As long as you don't make me choose between you and Orochimaru, and as long as you don't do anything so stupid that I have to execute you myself, and as long as you talk to me before any Gōketsu-brand shenanigans, there may be room to prioritise the spirit of the law over the letter."
His voice softened. "I know this isn't fair, and it isn't what you want to hear. I dearly wish I could act to protect you, and damn the consequences. I'll even forgive, once and once only, the fact that you tried to base Leaf's military strategy on your private interests. But I am the Hokage. As my father warned me, no Hokage gets the luxury of doing what they want."
-o-
You have received 7 + 2 = 9 XP.
-o-
The gaming night ended without (further) incident. Mari claims Orochimaru didn't do anything to her, but her fingertips are trembling and she is spending the day in her bedroom re-reading Icha Icha novels.
-o-
It is the afternoon of the same day. What do you do?
You may include Hazō's final recommendation regarding the Isan mission in your vote.
Voting ends on Saturday 6th of November, 1 p.m. New York time.
Last edited:
I get 328 words for the linked plan, IIRC plans in the 300-399 range get +0 XP per day. Is that right, or have I missed something?
- Pronouns
- He/Him
It's both more and less appealing now though. More, because we have fewer options than we thought. Less, because our "stick" in this carrot and stick scenario just told us he can't do shit cuz Leaf is screwed either way.Now are we willing to go for voluntary vivisection?