It was hours later that Keiko stirred to life in the Nara guest house to find herself lying on her bed, with Ami providing a lap pillow while gently stroking her hair.
It was seconds later that the purring stopped in favour of bolting for the door with speed that would make the Yellow Flash proud.
It was moments later that Ami blocked the door in a completely nonthreatening but implacable way.
"Please, Ami," Keiko pleaded. "I can never face them, or you."
Ami shook her head. "Not happening. You did me proud back there, runt, and there's stuff I think you need to hear in return. Also, all of us talked it over, and we decided to let one person say exactly one thing each, and then they're not allowed to talk to you without your permission. How's that?"
Keiko hesitated. "That would still entail some form of interaction with them."
"You can't say here forever, Keiko," Ami said gently.
"Nobody on the
Seventh Path is aware of what I am."
"You can't stay there forever either. I don't think the Pangolin Clan will have any use for a summoner that doesn't summon."
"I can negotiate to provide local services."
"Please, Keiko," Ami said. "As a favour for me?"
Keiko froze, mouth half-open. There was a sense that if you were to poke her at that moment, she would fall over, and possibly shatter when she hit the floor.
"Keiko, I can't afford to lose you any more than you can afford to lose me. I would have thrown everything away back then if I knew you were still alive and I could save you. Even now, you have no idea how hard it is to give you space so you can keep growing without me.
"So please. Hear me out on this one thing."
Keiko unfroze just enough to step away from the door. She sat on her bed (they were still in the taken-over Nara bedroom, because Tenten thought that being in the safe space they shared together might give Keiko a little comfort). She gazed at the floor as if it was the only thing that existed.
"I was there when you were born, runt. I was there when you learned to walk. I was there when Ken and Yuri gave up on you, and someone had to take control. I was there to help you figure out how other people worked—
that other people worked—and how to be around them without becoming them, or what they wanted or expected you to be. I was a terrible guardian, because I was special, and only four years older than you, and there are no Academy classes on how to balance family, homework, and world domination. There's a lot I missed, and a lot of things I failed to teach you, and a lot of times that I just plain wasn't there. Even so, there is nobody on the Human Path, or the Seventh Path, or any other, who knows you better than I do. The language thing? I was there when you learned to
talk, and we talked every off-mission day from then on. The addiction thing? I've spent half my life banging my head against a wall, because the one thing a deity can't do is get a fanatic to stop believing. And by the way, there's no such thing as 'deserving to be addicted to'. Addiction is an inside thing, not an outside thing. It's like saying that carrots deserve to be eaten.
"Keiko, even I didn't know a bunch of that stuff, but
none of it surprised me. None of it made me go, 'Hey, I need to re-evaluate my understanding of this girl whom I have
literally known from birth'. So I'm just going to keep rolling with who you are, like I always have. You'll have to try harder than that to catch me off guard.
"Except with how Leaf doesn't already rule the world if their shadow clones can do that. They have the power to create an independent copy of themselves that shares their self-knowledge and their values, any time they like? And they use it for
combat? It's like your wacky shadow self said. There's something seriously wrong with these people.
"Also the Hazō thing. You're giving me a headache with the Hazō thing.
"Long story short, though, don't worry about things on my end. You focus on dealing with the people who don't have the infinite love and wisdom of Mori Ami—though I'll be here to help you through that too if you want me. Now if you'll excuse me, I have carrot cake to pick up. You call me any time you want to, all right?"
Ami got up from the bed with a demonstrative bounce, walked out, and tagged Hazō in as if passing a baton.
-o-
"Hi, Keiko," Hazō said as he walked in. Keiko didn't look up. Her expression was hollow, as if she was trying to get as far away from him as possible on the inside without moving in any way on the outside. It felt deeply wrong, insofar as traditional-style Keiko would at this point be crying, ranting about her own unworthiness and/or his offences against her agency, and/or fleeing in tears. Having her just sit there, while knowing for a fact that something
was wrong, was unnatural. It almost made him want to commit some minor sin just so she would wake up enough to yell at him for it.
"Keiko," he began. She did not give any sign of registering his presence. "Ami persuaded us that she took priority as blood family, and since Mari's bowed out, and Naruto's off in a world of his own, nobody felt like trying to strong-arm the only jōnin present. Since out of everyone here, I'm the most important person in Leaf after Naruto, which Shikamaru didn't have the energy to argue over, I get to go second.
"Keiko, I'm honoured that you once considered me crush material… and that's about it. That Hazō hasn't existed for a while now. Nor has that Keiko. You said it yourself. Who cares about counterfactuals?
"Case in point: you know how Mari is objectively the sexiest woman alive?"
Keiko nodded unhesitatingly, though she did not stop studying the floor.
"You think about what it was like being a healthy teenage boy being around that 24/7. You can bet Noburi and I had a
lot of counterfactuals running through our heads, especially at first, before we knew about the mind that went with that body. As you can tell by us being alive and not lacking certain portions of our anatomy, those counterfactuals never became factuals. They're not going to, either, because we've all changed, and while Mari is still objectively the sexiest woman alive, she's not the same Mari to us anymore. She's family, and a friend, and One of Us, and these days, when I see her in that ridiculous thing she calls a negligee, I mostly just think, 'How does she wear that in winter and not freeze to death?"
Keiko nodded again.
"Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but these days, you don't look at me and go, 'How I'd love to be able to get my hands on that fine specimen of manhood, with his mighty flute, and his perfect motions, and his ability to give any woman multiple earth walls?"
Coming from somewhere in the direction of the bed was a very brief, very quiet sound that the uneducated might mistake for a snerk.
"Right," he said. "You're not that Keiko anymore, I'm not that Hazō anymore, and who cares what that young woman of excellent taste once thought? So don't (fail to) look at me with that awkward expression. Nothing's changed. At most, I'll find some way to tease you about it once you're feeling better, and you'll melt me into a puddle on the floor with one of your death glares, and that'll be proof that all is well with the world. Except for me."
-o-
"Keiko, thank you. I have no words to express my gratitude." Shikamaru gave Keiko the most enormous bow, which, naturally, she could not see because it was not between her and the floor. "Your failure to fall in love with me is one of the greatest boons I have received since we began spending time together in order to facilitate greater mutual knowledge and familiarity, arranged in anticipation of a potential long-term relationship. You are my ideal wife, and one of the ways in which you are my ideal wife is that you do not present me with emotional needs of a kind I may be unable to fulfil, nor expect me to welcome professions of affection which I would only find distracting. I appreciate more than may be obvious from my melancholic demeanour that we can spend our spare hours discussing the evolution of law, and comparative practical ethics, instead of lavishing each other with colourful plant corpses or whatever it is that romantically-inclined people do with their time. In Ino's words, which I admit were more on the subject of rampant teenage lust, but remain applicable, a union of hearts needs not romantic love to be complete. It is enough to say that I would rather talk to you than read a good book, and leave it at that."
-o-
For several minutes, the room was silent as Tenten simply sat on her bed, opposite Keiko's.
Eventually, finally, Keiko took the briefest glance up.
"I am so sorry," she whispered.
Tenten reached over. In a slow, gentle motion, she placed her hand over Keiko's heart. Keiko reeled back in shock, but only a little, not so far as to shake it off. Instead, gradually, tentatively, over a period of aeons, she placed her own hand on top of it.
Tenten smiled.
"Don't need a reflection. Just you. Only, always, you."
They sat together a little longer.
-o-
"I'm up next," Naruto said with implausible cheer. "Listen, I'd appreciate it if you went easy on telling people about shadow clone stuff, because I might have to put a Rasengan through their face afterwards. One thing the Rasengan isn't is neat and tidy, and my clones don't like doing the laundry any more than I do." He paused. "Yeah, I do my own laundry. I'm not going to let some softfoot near my clothes when I've got several lifetimes' worth of practice getting those casual wrinkles
just right.
"Where were we? Right. Keiko, wanting to reinvent yourself is normal. We've all done it. Even if you're as amazing as they get, which is to say, me, it happens. Don't beat yourself up about it. Don't even think it's embarrassing. It's only embarrassing the way being tied naked by your ankle to a pole hanging off the top of the Hokage Tower because you skipped too many lessons is embarrassing. Everyone does it; the only reason they're acting like it's a big deal is that you're doing it in public. And I did warn you about having your first time in public.
"But my pro tip to you is that this is one of those times where it's best to let fantasies stay fantasies. As with absolutely anything, if you go too fast, you lose control, and identity's too important a thing to lose control of, even when you feel like 'anywhere's better than here'. It's also one of those things where if you lose it, you'll never get it back. My advice? Take the slow way. It sucks, but at least you know where you're going. Plus, bonus points? You've got friends you can ask for directions. Makes a hell of a lot of difference.
"Seriously, though, Keiko? You're cool. Don't rush it."
-o-
"Thanks for letting me come talk at you, Keiko," Akane said seriously. "Listen, I've thought long and hard about this, which is why I'm so low down in the queue. I'm starting to think Gai-sensei was wrong about the universality of the Spirit of Youth, or maybe I want to believe that this is its flip side and he was going to teach us when we were ready.
"I love you and accept you just the way you are. I mean that. The miserable, self-hating, apparently borderline suicidal Keiko is the only Keiko I've ever known. She's the Keiko who grudgingly tolerated me, and taught me a lot about inner strength, and put her life on the line for me. If you ever step into the sunlight, then I'll love that girl too, but if everything you are right now comes from an inner Swamp of Death, then I'm OK with living on the edge of that swamp. You can be miserable. You can hate yourself. You can want to disappear from this world, and I'll accept that for as long as you never actually cross the line. If you ask for help, then I'll give you everything I have, but until then… I think I can learn to love the darkness inside you without trying to make it go away."
Keiko finally looked up, her face portraying utter, blank incomprehension.
Akane smiled. "Yeah, it's new territory for me too. That's the other thing I figured out today, Keiko. We're learning our own lessons by being around you, and that's true for your failures as much as your successes. I don't know if you understand how valuable that is.
"I'll save you a seat at the Strategic Dominance table. That's another place where I've been learning by watching you, and you can watch me wipe Hazō off the face of the continent to prove it."
-o-
"I know my one true rival is better than this," Shiori insisted, sitting down closer to Keiko than Keiko ought to have been comfortable with. "I've been watching you like a hawk ever since you first challenged me for Shikamaru's attention, and you know what I've seen? When you're with him, you smile. When you beat me at that damned game, you smirk in satisfaction. When you're with Tenten, I get my revenge, because you get so lovey-dovey you forget where you are in your twenty-turn master plan. When you give Hazō that disparaging eye-roll, you're enjoying yourself and not even trying to hide it."
She leaned over to be more in Keiko's line of sight. "You can be the tragic queen of tragedy all you like, Keiko, and I'll get you the piercings and eyeshadow for your birthday. But don't try to pretend away the happiness you've already found, or I swear I'll shove a Lightning-style combat staff where it doesn't belong!"
She hesitated.
"In your body, I mean. Not mine. And only if you don't enjoy it. Which you will, because you're a sexual deviant. Um. I'm going to go now. To think of a better punishment. Goodbye now!"
-o-
"You know what they say," Noburi said with a determined grin, "save the best for last. I do feel you, Keiko, I really do. I realise you must be hurting like crazy right now, and I'll be frank and say I don't think my people skills are going to fix anything this time round. But there's one thing I want to set aside my responsibilities as Team Sane Person Who Isn't Akane and say.
"Keiko, beloved sister of mine, get over yourself.
"So you had your heart and soul laid bare in front of people you really, really didn't want to see your true self? OK, I have no idea what that feels like, and hope I never find out. But the actual contents? We
all have inner demons, Keiko, even someone as incredibly chill as me. I will bet you Satsuko, with all the implications of trying to take her from Yuno, that if we saw what was running through Hazō's head for even a second, we'd be driven mad. Naruto has a literal inner demon. Mari is made of sugar and spice and trauma and vice. Yuno's inner demons aren't particularly inner.
"You are not special, Keiko. You just happen to be worse off than the rest of us. You've said a bunch of stuff which won't be easy for us to process, but the fact that you're all twisted and warped on the inside is no surprise to anyone, because so are the rest of us. So when you're feeling well enough to walk out that door, come join the support group we call having bonds with other people—or BOP, as in with a rolled-up broadsheet if you keep this up much longer—and, ideally, back us up at the gaming table, because we've bullied Shikamaru into taking the rest of the day off and I have a feeling we're about to regret it.
"See you soon, beloved sister. Resistance is futile."
-o-
@eaglejarl has diabolical plans for the rest of this plan, so he will be awarding XP. Voting is open, but will probably be ignored unless it includes the content of the current plan.
