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Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

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Interlude: The Real Treasure
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    • Interlude: The Real Treasure​

    Hyūga Kazane was the very model of what a Hyūga should be. Well, she was the very model of what a branch-family Hyūga should be. Well, in her own opinion, she was the very model of what a branch-family Hyūga should be.

    Still.

    Things that the Hyūga (branch or not) were: punctual, well-dressed, always in control, brave, and the most smart and charis...cherism...best leader-type in the room. But mostly the 'always in control' part.

    Therefore, when the back of her hand was painfully—and unexpectedly!—stabbed, she automatically froze and bit down instead of shrieking and throwing her books everywhere in her haste to run out of the room.

    She had sat down in her assigned seat one minute before the teacher called roll, just as she always did. She had pulled the books out of her pack and slid them into her desk, just as she always did. The needle stuck her as she was pulling her hand out.

    She wished that her chakra system was developed enough to let her use the Byakugan, because her ancestral birthright would have prevented her from ever stumbling into a silly trap like this the way some common-born (i.e., non-Hyūga) would.

    Very carefully, she extricated her hand and examined the thin acupuncture needle sticking out of it. There was a small piece of paper tied to the needle; curious, she turned it over.

    Lesson 1: Be nice to everyone, no matter if they are strong or weak, big or small, clan or non-clan.

    Lesson 2: There are always people sneakier than you, and the attacker need only be successful once, while the defender must succeed continuously every time.

    Lesson 3: Poison is cheap. Really cheap. And some people have gobs of money. (No, this isn't a threat. After all, the Will of Fire doesn't let me threaten other Leaf ninja. I think.)

    Lesson 4: Seriously, be nice to     everyone.

    PS: The Sage said the first and second bits. Sort of, anyway. They're both a little paraphrased simplified different. Still, he said something like that and he's the Sage so you should listen. Also, tell your friends to be nice to everyone.

    o-o-o-o​

    Nakamura Masae was the third-prettiest girl in her age group, but the second-best-dressed. (First best-dressed was, of course, Kazane, but it was hard to compete with Hyūga money and the fawning attention of expert couturiers seeking patronage by offering free samples to any clan member who didn't run away fast enough. Of course, Kazane was only the eighth best-looking girl in their age group, so Masae was still ahead. And Big Sis was totally wrong and stupid for saying that six- and seven-year-old girls all looked alike anyway and couldn't hardly be told apart from boys and so saying that one of you was better-looking was just silly.)

    Today's outfit was a yellow silk dress with a shoulder-to-hip red satin sash. She wore wool under the dress for warmth, with silk underthings so the wool didn't chafe. The outfit was quite dashing, if she did say so herself. (And she did.)

    Given the elegance, beauty, and cost of her outfit, it was something of a tragedy when she sat down and a spray of cold mud blasted across her calves with a soft pop! She shrieked and jumped to her feet, knocking the chair over in the process and jumping back from the charred bit of paper that was drifting down from one of the back legs.

    The other students—rat bastards, all of them!—laughed at her panic. Many of them pointed, those rats.

    Glued to the underside of her chair was a piece of paper that said:

    Lesson 1: Be nice to everyone, powerful or not.

    Lesson 2: Tell all your friends to be nice to everyone.

    Lesson 3: The Will of Fire says no Leaf ninja can attack another Leaf ninja, probably. It would still be smart to be nice to everyone.

    o-o-o-o​

    One girl's hand was pierced by a needle carefully selected to be non-damaging.

    One girl's expensive dress was ruined by mud.

    A third shrieked and ran when a snake slithered out from inside her desk as she sat down. It had red and blue stripes like a striped adder, but the colors were subtly wrong and the patterns slightly different; it was a harmless mocker snake, not an insanely dangerous adder. Despite that, Mura was terrified of snakes and did her level best to cling to the ceiling despite not yet having learned wall-walking.

    A fourth opened up her history book at the start of class...only to discover that the book had been replaced sometime between when she finished her reading last night and when she sat down this morning. The left-hand pages all said "I will be nice to everyone, always" and the right-hand pages all said "I will not let my friends be mean to anyone, ever".

    o-o-o-o​

    GLOMP!

    Swooop! Spinnnnnnn!

    "Eeeeeeeee!" The delighted squealing faded slowly, ending up a sad little grumble when he finally put her down.

    "How was your day, squirt?"

    "Good! I got a perfect on my quiz for Umino-sensei, and I was fourth in my class on the obstacle course, and we got to jump off the building, and they had yams for lunch at the chow hall and Tuesdays are meditation days not running days so I got to eat as many as I wanted!"

    He grinned and rumpled her hair, then squatted down so he could poke her in the belly.

    "Eep!" She hopped back, covering her middle with both arms.

    "Wow, I can feel the yams sticking out!"

    "Can not!"

    "Can too!"

    "Can not!"

    "Can too!"

    "Can not a thousand times!"

    "Can too to the bazillionth!"

    "Can—" Wait, what was bigger than a bazillion?

    "Ha! I win!"

    "Hrmph." He had cheated. Somehow. She wasn't quite sure how, especially since there weren't any specific rules that she was aware of. Still, she was confident that it was his fault somehow. She just had to figure out how.

    "How are things with the other kids?" he asked, clearly moving the conversation quickly in order to distract her. She would not let him. She would get him, oh yes. Still, maybe not now. It had been a great day, and she wanted to gush!

    "Good!"

    "No problems with that cheating eyeball stinker and her stinking friends?"

    "No, I hardly saw them all day. I think Nakamura went home early, actually. That's what Ran's friend's cousin's sister said."

    "Good." His smile widened and for just a moment she imagined that there was something cold and hard hiding around the edges of that smile, but then it was back to being his familiar shy and somewhat goofy look. His words became hurried, sounding like the steps of a fleeing burglar. "So, who is Ran's friend's cousin's sister?"

    "Her name's Ariga Nao. She's a year older than me, but she's nice. She was wearing the neatest coat! It was red and it had tassels and...."
     
  • Threadmarks
    • eaglejarl said:
    Interlude: The Real Treasure​

    Hyūga Kazane was the very model of what a Hyūga should be. Well, she was the very model of what a branch-family Hyūga should be. Well, in her own opinion, she was the very model of what a branch-family Hyūga should be.

    Still.

    Things that the Hyūga (branch or not) were: punctual, well-dressed, always in control, brave, and the most smart and charis...cherism...best leader-type in the room. But mostly the 'always in control' part.

    Therefore, when the back of her hand was painfully—and unexpectedly!—stabbed, she automatically froze and bit down instead of shrieking and throwing her books everywhere in her haste to run out of the room.

    She had sat down in her assigned seat one minute before the teacher called roll, just as she always did. She had pulled the books out of her pack and slid them into her desk, just as she always did. The needle stuck her as she was pulling her hand out.

    She wished that her chakra system was developed enough to let her use the Byakugan, because her ancestral birthright would have prevented her from ever stumbling into a silly trap like this the way some common-born (i.e., non-Hyūga) would.

    Very carefully, she extricated her hand and examined the thin acupuncture needle sticking out of it. There was a small piece of paper tied to the needle; curious, she turned it over.

    Lesson 1: Be nice to everyone, no matter if they are strong or weak, big or small, clan or non-clan.

    Lesson 2: There are always people sneakier than you, and the attacker need only be successful once, while the defender must succeed continuously every time.

    Lesson 3: Poison is cheap. Really cheap. And some people have gobs of money. (No, this isn't a threat. After all, the Will of Fire doesn't let me threaten other Leaf ninja. I think.)

    Lesson 4: Seriously, be nice to     everyone.

    PS: The Sage said the first and second bits. Sort of, anyway. They're both a little paraphrased simplified different. Still, he said something like that and he's the Sage so you should listen. Also, tell your friends to be nice to everyone.

    o-o-o-o​

    Nakamura Masae was the third-prettiest girl in her age group, but the second-best-dressed. (First best-dressed was, of course, Kazane, but it was hard to compete with Hyūga money and the fawning attention of expert couturiers seeking patronage by offering free samples to any clan member who didn't run away fast enough. Of course, Kazane was only the eighth best-looking girl in their age group, so Masae was still ahead. And Big Sis was totally wrong and stupid for saying that six- and seven-year-old girls all looked alike anyway and couldn't hardly be told apart from boys and so saying that one of you was better-looking was just silly.)

    Today's outfit was a yellow silk dress with a shoulder-to-hip red satin sash. She wore wool under the dress for warmth, with silk underthings so the wool didn't chafe. The outfit was quite dashing, if she did say so herself. (And she did.)

    Given the elegance, beauty, and cost of her outfit, it was something of a tragedy when she sat down and a spray of cold mud blasted across her calves with a soft pop! She shrieked and jumped to her feet, knocking the chair over in the process and jumping back from the charred bit of paper that was drifting down from one of the back legs.

    The other students—rat bastards, all of them!—laughed at her panic. Many of them pointed, those rats.

    Glued to the underside of her chair was a piece of paper that said:

    Lesson 1: Be nice to everyone, powerful or not.

    Lesson 2: Tell all your friends to be nice to everyone.

    Lesson 3: The Will of Fire says no Leaf ninja can attack another Leaf ninja, probably. It would still be smart to be nice to everyone.

    o-o-o-o​

    One girl's hand was pierced by a needle carefully selected to be non-damaging.

    One girl's expensive dress was ruined by mud.

    A third shrieked and ran when a snake slithered out from inside her desk as she sat down. It had red and blue stripes like a striped adder, but the colors were subtly wrong and the patterns slightly different; it was a harmless mocker snake, not an insanely dangerous adder. Despite that, Mura was terrified of snakes and did her level best to cling to the ceiling despite not yet having learned wall-walking.

    A fourth opened up her history book at the start of class...only to discover that the book had been replaced sometime between when she finished her reading last night and when she sat down this morning. The left-hand pages all said "I will be nice to everyone, always" and the right-hand pages all said "I will not let my friends be mean to anyone, ever".

    o-o-o-o​

    GLOMP!

    Swooop! Spinnnnnnn!

    "Eeeeeeeee!" The delighted squealing faded slowly, ending up a sad little grumble when he finally put her down.

    "How was your day, squirt?"

    "Good! I got a perfect on my quiz for Umino-sensei, and I was fourth in my class on the obstacle course, and we got to jump off the building, and they had yams for lunch at the chow hall and Tuesdays are meditation days not running days so I got to eat as many as I wanted!"

    He grinned and rumpled her hair, then squatted down so he could poke her in the belly.

    "Eep!" She hopped back, covering her middle with both arms.

    "Wow, I can feel the yams sticking out!"

    "Can not!"

    "Can too!"

    "Can not!"

    "Can too!"

    "Can not a thousand times!"

    "Can too to the bazillionth!"

    "Can—" Wait, what was bigger than a bazillion?

    "Ha! I win!"

    "Hrmph." He had cheated. Somehow. She wasn't quite sure how, especially since there weren't any specific rules that she was aware of. Still, she was confident that it was his fault somehow. She just had to figure out how.

    "How are things with the other kids?" he asked, clearly moving the conversation quickly in order to distract her. She would not let him. She would get him, oh yes. Still, maybe not now. It had been a great day, and she wanted to gush!

    "Good!"

    "No problems with that cheating eyeball stinker and her stinking friends?"

    "No, I hardly saw them all day. I think Nakamura went home early, actually. That's what Ran's friend's cousin's sister said."

    "Good." His smile widened and for just a moment she imagined that there was something cold and hard hiding around the edges of that smile, but then it was back to being his familiar shy and somewhat goofy look. His words became hurried, sounding like the steps of a fleeing burglar. "So, who is Ran's friend's cousin's sister?"

    "Her name's Ariga Nao. She's a year older than me, but she's nice. She was wearing the neatest coat! It was red and it had tassels and...."
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...

    I don't know if I've mentioned this yet, but Shikigami, Sarutobi, Jiraiya, even Orochimaru: okay.

    -but, if anything happens to Kagome, I will burn the fucking world. No, I don't know which one I'm referring to. Assume both.
     
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    [X] Action plan: Minds to meet

    Immediately after chapter 275
    • Actually no we won't take the Nara deal
      • With Naruto buying our lumber we can easily swing it
      • No reason to give Nara more influence
    Calls/Meetings:
    • General:
      • Exchange condolences and commiseration.
      • Ask about the Amori and their particular goals. Try to figure out what they've offered so we have a better idea of how to sweeten the pot.
    • (Off-screened) Ino/Chouza:
      • Confirm that they are voting for Asuma.
      • Ask what they think Hiashi/Asuma would act as Hokage.
    • Asuma:
      • Hazo is worried about a world war breaking out; what's his game plan for keeping the peace?
      • What are Asuma's priorities for improving Konoha?
      • Suggestions for the future:
        • (IFF Naruto's OK with it) Naruto continues his leadership training by becoming a personal assistant to the kage or to that effect.
        • Focus on economic development through till'n'fills. Ninja magic will help grow the economy faster and save more lives.
        • Kagome, Honoka, and Hazo's experience with education suggests villages' education system still have ways they can improve. Focusing efforts here'll give Leaf an advantage.
     
    Last edited:
    @eaglejarl, would you be interested in doing that heist? By which I mean, if this update we set out to investigate the existence of any outside-Leaf major businesses that the Hyuuga own, and then go secure the Leaf Oyabun's cooperation in looting and setting one of them on fire in the coming days, would your interest in ensuring that this happens be at least as high as Velorien's interest in us meeting Ami?
     
    [X] Action plan: Minds to meet

    Yeah thats also fine
     
    Noumero said:
    @eaglejarl, would you be interested in doing that heist? By which I mean, if this update we set out to investigate the existence of any outside-Leaf major businesses that the Hyuuga own, and then go secure the Leaf Oyabun's cooperation in looting and setting one of them on fire in the coming days, would your interest in ensuring that this happens be at least as high as Velorien's interest in us meeting Ami?
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    I'm not sure it's humanly possible for my interest to be *that* high, but I would dearly love to write that.

    PurposefulZephyr said:
    It's always great to see elementary schoolers terrorized with vaguely threatening lessons.
    Click to expand...
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    Oh good. I was afraid it might come off too strong.

    /r/whoooosh

    Hm. I wrote this chapter at 1am, which means I forgot to do my "will the mods disapprove and do I therefore need to chuck it in the bin?" pass. Now I'm worrying that two weeks from now one of them will stumble over that or receive a report on it and we'll go through the entire threadlock/investigate/Discord-grilling thing again.

    Gah. I hate this looking-over-my-shoulder thing.

    Hey, @Lisafication, you mind reading the chapter and telling me if it's an issue? If so, let's get it over with.

    Context: Kagome is a paranoid and socially incapable individual whose primary approach to problems involves explosives. The girls in the chapter have been bullying his 6-year-old student, who is one of their classmates. The fact that he's playing pranks on them instead of exploding them represents huge personal growth.

    Fast link: Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
     
    Last edited:
    eaglejarl said:
    The fact that he's playing pranks on them instead of exploding them represents huge personal growth.
    Click to expand...
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    This, to be honest. He almost murdered us multiple times when we first met him.

    Its really tragic actually, you can tell that Kagome has seen some serious shit based on some of his reactions. We should find his old commanding officers and give them a stern talking to for whatever mistreatment led to his current behavioral patterns( outside of standard ninja paranoia that is).
     
    Hm, interesting question: If I show a chapter to one mod and am told that it's fine, is that sufficient, or can I still be infracted if a different mod later takes exception to something in the chapter? @Orm Embar , you're a regular reader, I think. Do you know if there is a policy on this?
     
    eaglejarl said:
    I'm not sure it's humanly possible for my interest to be *that* high, but I would dearly love to write that.
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    Neat.

    [x] Action Plan: Inconveniencing the Hyuuga is a Joy Unto Itself
    Wordcount: 280
    Timeline: immediately after Chapter 275.
    • We've enough votes. Ensuring the Hyuuga don't turn them back is the overriding concern.
    • On second thoughts, maybe decline ISC's offer? They've recently suffered heavy damage, whereas our warchest just tripled in size...
    • The Amori: Offer them N Gouketsu Tokens per month for two years. Gouketsu Tokens could be exchanged with us for money, seals, or favours (exact numbers and exchange rates are left to Mari's judgement).
      • Note: It'd be useful to put these in general circulation later on, possibly in collaboration with ISC.
    • Ino/Chouza/Asuma meetings:
      • (Optimize with Mari.)
      • Offer condolences. Exchange information on the Hyuuga's activity. Confirm that our votes are stable.
      • Suggest distracting the Hyuuga by drowning their reputation in secondhand slander.
        • Start rumours that everyone is distrustful of them: their business partners are turning away, their reputation among the ninja took a plunge, no-one is voting for them (especially the Inuzuka/Aburame), minor clans are stockpiling anti-Byakugan seals, their resentment among the clanless/civilians is at all-times high, Naruto's insane productivity threatens to put them out of the economy, their xenophobia endangers Leaf international trade...
        • Bring some of these rumours into reality (as self-fulfilling prophecies), so that Hiashi can't just ignore them all. Keep actual resource expenditure to a minimum.
    • Investigate the Hyuuga's outside-Leaf businesses. Could we take over one of them, or distract Hiashi with a crisis? Perhaps with the Yakuza's help. Criteria:
      • Important to the Hyuuga: they'd devote manpower towards ensuring they maintain control.
      • Possesses resources useful to us: money, infrastructure, connections, information...
      • Its existence is harmful to us, our Uplift goals, or our allies.
    • Schedule a meeting with the Akasugi Oyabun. Topics: trade, cooperation against Hiashi.
    • Spare time: spread secondhand slander.
    -o-o-o-​
    Any comments? I'm not an economist, may have botched the Gouketsu Tokens thing.
     
    Last edited:
    [x] Action Plan: Inconveniencing the Hyuuga is a Joy Unto Itself

    I have literally never been dissapointed by one of @Noumero 's plans failing to achieve its (stated or unstated) goals.

    [] Continue the previously voted plan.
     
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    eaglejarl said:
    Hm, interesting question: If I show a chapter to one mod and am told that it's fine, is that sufficient, or can I still be infracted if a different mod later takes exception to something in the chapter? @Orm Embar , you're a regular reader, I think. Do you know if there is a policy on this?
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...

    As I recall, there used to be a policy permitting pre-review of content by mods for acceptability, but it was axed (for what I believe were liability reasons). While it isn't quite the same, I'd still wager that mods can't/won't deliver a binding guarantee that something you've posted is kosher. That's just my guess though - take it with a grain of salt until/unless someone on staff actually gets back to you.

    EDIT: here is a rough summary of the content review issue
     
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