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Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

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MMKII said:
Maybe about once every two weeks in Discord someone notes that thats now a thing. Since then we haven't actually pulled the trigger on any plans that require Noburi to keep a single person topped up constantly (This, salt thing, whatever the fuck else we do.) so it hasn't seen much spotlight in thread.

I note this would be problematic for Keiko, but Akane might not mind being constantly super invigorated via hand-to-skin contact by Noburi. Given his recent notes, its probably not something he would terribly mind...

E: Wow, I am the typo god this morning it seems. Time to down more coffee...
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Maybe we could get her in the mindset of grappling noburi/ keeping him in a submission hold to steal his chakra? She's fine with sparring after all.
 
Twinnstars said:
Maybe we could get her in the mindset of grappling noburi/ keeping him in a submission hold to steal his chakra? She's fine with sparring after all.
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You don't think she might catch on once they have to eat lunch with Nobby still on her and giving her chakra?
 
Tua said:
And there is a whole clan full of backpacks in Mist waiting to be picked up. Maybe we can make a short stop and also pick up some calculators and typewriters.
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This was another point I've been meaning to make. We can do this because we have a Wakahisa and a summoner, but Mist has them as well. They're not in nearly as good a position to reclaim land, but letting this idea into the world may have geostrategic consequences.

On the other hand, it might well be possible to ride them to our benefit. This produces very good reason for both villages to further solidify the Leaf-Mist alliance and trade the gains. Once the benefits have been demonstrated, it may be possible to get some Mist ninja stationed in Leaf long-term. It'd probably be best to start with the least threatening ones. Ideally, ninja with an existing tie to Leaf. Perhaps academy students as part of a relationship-building student exchange program?

Now, where could we find a pair of Wakahisa academy students we wouldn't mind hosting at the compound?
 
Byzantine279 said:
There is no risk, Kagome is wrong. The most obvious way to tell is by considering Yagura's interactions with Mari: Yagura's Aura coldly analyses you. But when she resisted that and looked into his eyes she got hit with the Aura of the three tails, the weight of the abyss.

Most likely what Kagome thinks of as the tailed beast puppeting them is they have influence on their host's personality. Either Kurama is friendlier than expected, or Naruto had the opposite of the desired reaction to it.
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This is evidence against "the host personality no longer exists", but consider the following:

If you were a malevolent chakra fox that had been sealed into an infant from birth, and you were halfway competent, wouldn't the obvious thing to do be to parent them? Make them like and trust you. Encourage them to see you as an ally. Shape their personality over the course of twenty years literally living in their head, and optimize it for minimum suspicion and maximum access to everything. Let them handle blending with humans while you work towards your own goals; they're better at it than you are, and letting everyone else think they're the senior partner in the relationship gives you a ton more freedom of movement.

... wait a minute, that might explain why the Kyuubi looks female to Naruto. It's Naruto's godmother. Jiraiya was his dad, so the Kyuubi assumed the role of his mom.

... okay, maybe the Demon Fox isn't in control. But I am now enormously scared of Naruto. The kid was raised by Jiraiya and a Tailed Beast. No wonder he's scary powerful.
 
Evenstar said:
This is evidence against "the host personality no longer exists", but consider the following:

If you were a malevolent chakra fox that had been sealed into an infant from birth, and you were halfway competent, wouldn't the obvious thing to do be to parent them? Make them like and trust you. Encourage them to see you as an ally. Shape their personality over the course of twenty years literally living in their head, and optimize it for minimum suspicion and maximum access to everything. Let them handle blending with humans while you work towards your own goals; they're better at it than you are, and letting everyone else think they're the senior partner in the relationship gives you a ton more freedom of movement.

... wait a minute, that might explain why the Kyuubi looks female to Naruto. It's Naruto's godmother. Jiraiya was his dad, so the Kyuubi assumed the role of his mom.

... okay, maybe the Demon Fox isn't in control. But I am now enormously scared of Naruto. The kid was raised by Jiraiya and a Tailed Beast. No wonder he's scary powerful.
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Oh my God, are we doing this again? I got enough of this "but Kurama is evil" nonsense when I was writing Team Anko.

Look, just because someone is a nonhuman vaguely demonic monstrosity from beyond time and space with the power of a WMD and probably some thoughts on being imprisoned for the last two decades, is no reason to assume they are anything but friendly. This vicious anti-Fox bigotry really needs to stop!
 
Evenstar said:
This is evidence against "the host personality no longer exists", but consider the following:

If you were a malevolent chakra fox that had been sealed into an infant from birth, and you were halfway competent, wouldn't the obvious thing to do be to parent them? Make them like and trust you. Encourage them to see you as an ally. Shape their personality over the course of twenty years literally living in their head, and optimize it for minimum suspicion and maximum access to everything. Let them handle blending with humans while you work towards your own goals; they're better at it than you are, and letting everyone else think they're the senior partner in the relationship gives you a ton more freedom of movement.

... wait a minute, that might explain why the Kyuubi looks female to Naruto. It's Naruto's godmother. Jiraiya was his dad, so the Kyuubi assumed the role of his mom.

... okay, maybe the Demon Fox isn't in control. But I am now enormously scared of Naruto. The kid was raised by Jiraiya and a Tailed Beast. No wonder he's scary powerful.
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KAGOME: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
 
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The Seventh Path Infodump
  • Informational

    • Translator's Note:
    The following is a simplified rendering of an incomplete report that you found buried in one of the trunks of stuff that Jiraiya left to the clan in his will. It was written on old, yellowed, heavily smudged parchment with a huge number of marginalia in different hands. Based on the text and the marginalia it was clearly something that went through several rounds of submission, comment, resubmission, etc.
    It has been translated from ElementalNationese to English and, for ease of reading, the marginalia have been moved inline and rendered distinct based on our best guess as to the original author according to textual analysis and handwriting. The marginalia has been inserted mid-paragraph where appropriate, meaning that line spacing may be surprising. The various draft submissions have been condensed and compiled into a (theoretically) coherent final product. Hopefully these efforts have rendered the work comprehensible without distorting the information contained therein, but it should be noted that the source material was both complex and confusing, so some translation errors may have occurred. Where appropriate, certain clearly deliberate literary errors on the part of the primary author have been left in place in order to convey the original flavor of the work.


    The Complete and Thorough Guidebook to the Summon Clans​
    As Compiled by Jiraiya the Mighty, Grandmaster of Ninja Arts and Complete Badass!!
    Now, now, Jiraiya. Arrogance is weakness; a true master knows and faces his own limitations.
    Where's the fun in that?!

    There are a crapton of clans on the Sventh Path and you need to know they all and know everything about them if you don't want to be a complete dumbass. Fortunately, I, Jiraiya the Mighty, have combed through dozens of sources to get the lowdown.
    By which you mean 'I forgot all about this assignment until yesterday, and then I asked Ma and Pa a few questions so as to distract them from my training because I was sick of them hitting me with their sticks'? Also, please proofread before submitting your homework.
    :P
    :P

    The most important and powerful clan is the Toads, obviously.
    Ahem. Enma would like a word.

    The Monkeys are pretty cool too. (I heard your eyebrows go up last paragraph, Sensei!) The Slugs don't completely suck and if you're a complete loser then I suppose having the Snakes for your summon isn't the worst choice -- at least it's not the Crusties!
    It's spelled 'Crustacean', Jiraiya. 'Crusty' is a slur and you are better than that. You don't like it when people call you 'mudfoot', right?
    Nobody calls me that!
    I have four different ANBU reports on my desk right now, along with attached hospital admittance records, that disagree.

    Anyway, the complete list of clans is: Toad, Monkey, Slug, Snake, Crow, Shark, Otter, Pangolin, Cat, Bear, Capybara, Leopard, Hyena, Kraken.
    That list is not complete, and doesn't even include all the Clans whose Summoners live in Leaf! Go back and try again.
    Fine! Is that better?
    I'm torn… Is it better because it's closer to complete, or worse because it's still not complete and still doesn't even include all the clans with Summoners from Leaf? Eh, let's just call it a week of detention.

    Toads are, like I said, the best. They're strong and fast and can jump really high and know █████████ which nobody else does.
    Do not EVER mention that in writing! Or out loud, except under maximum security conditions and in extreme need. I'm not joking, Jiraiya; consider this a direct order from your Hokage. (Also, they aren't the only ones.)
    [Translator's note: The blocked text has been physically excised.]​

    They're friends with the Otters, the Monkeys, and the Dogs, which is weird since they don't even share a border with the Monkeys or the Dogs -- I guess that's only through their Summoners?
    Exactly. Good job figuring that out.
    They don't know the Slugs, so I suppose Sunny and I should introduce them. They just fought a war against the Condors but they're at peace now. They aren't actively at war with the Mara but they've got a kill-on-sight order for any Mara found within Toad territory. The Toads are talking about reahing out to the Pangolins, who are about ten days away on the other side of Condor territory if you go by way of Otter, which is the only sensible route.
    Let me know what comes of the Toads' contact mission. The Monkeys are standoffish with the Pangolins so they haven't been able to tell me much and it would be useful to know more about them.
    There's more Toads than any other Clan and their territory is bigger. I'm the Toad Summoner because I'm awesome.
    When a summon tells you how magnificently large his Clan's territory is, take it with a grain of salt. I've spoken with representatives from nine different Clans and they all claim to control the most ground. Next time you're there, look at the sky; the sky over the Seventh Path is a patchwork of colors each of which represents the Clan living below it. The mapping isn't perfect and it breaks down over the oceans, but you can get a reasonable idea of a Clan's living space just by looking at the sky. The Toads are actually on the smaller side, being slightly smaller than the Monkeys. The Cats, Dogs, and Arachnids are a three-way tie for largest of the land-based clans, with the Cats probably winning by a whisker. As to your teammates: The Snakes are roughly the same size as the Toads land-wise, but they're on a large island offshore, giving them a much more defensible position. (They share the island with the Boars, about whom I know nothing.) The island is off the coast of Turtle, meaning that the mountains make it nearly impossible to get to from Toad territory without going up through Otter, through the bottom of Pangolin, and then down through the entire length of Turtle. (The Turtles might be better off if that N/S river didn't make it so easy to traverse their territory!) The Slugs barely have any territory but it seems like that's been the case since the creation of the Seventh Path and neither they nor anyone else is interested in changing that. I'm not clear on whether there have been no assaults on Slug territory or merely no successful assaults; Enma gets evasive when I ask him, and I'm not sure if it's because he doesn't know or because it's embarrassing. No one else is talking either. I should add that the Monkey Clan's territory is smaller than most, but their ground has been stable for at least three hundred years while others have shifted around; this is in part due to the fact that it has some truly formidable natural defenses, but also because Monkeys excel at gorilla warfare.
    Ugh! That was awful!
    Pfah, no one appreciates my brilliance.

    Slugs are slimy and gross but I guess they're pretty good at medicine. Maybe? Tsunade is their Summoner. They stay mostly to themselves but they're on good terms with the Toads.
    'Maybe?' Are they or aren't they? This assignment is about intelligence gathering, you can't just say 'Maybe'! If you aren't certain then you need to list supporting/refuting evidence and say how confident you are!

    Snakes are big and squeeze real goodly, so they make decent fighters. Not as good as Toads, but not bad neither. They don't have hands so they've got no ranged abilities, which means they suck. Also, they're pretty stupid because they let Oro be their Summoner. I couldn't find any reports about who they're friends with.
    May the Sage grant me patience. First, I know you're just messing with me on the grammar, so cut it out. Second, have you even spoken to Orochimaru about this?! Snakes are just as intelligent as humans are, and probably smarter than a certain young hellion who thinks he can con me into believing that he actually did his research. Snakes come in many sizes. Yes, the largest ones tend to be constrictors, but the smaller ones typically rely on venom, making them extremely lethal at close range. A few are able to spit their venom, giving them a natural ranged ability. All of them have jutsu that allow for fine manipulation, so they don't need hands per se. (Note: This makes it hard to adapt Snake jutsu for human use.) For that matter, most Toads don't use ranged weapons either. (May I note that ranged weapons are a thing for which the Monkeys are well known? Whose Summon 'sucks' now, hm? :))
    Throwing your own poop doesn't count. :P
    Agh! That's it, you're confined to the village until you're old! Monkeys do not fling their poop! That's a lie created by the Cat Clan!

    Crows fly and they fight in groups. They pretty much keep to themselves, although there's uncomfirmed reports that they trade with the Condors. There are a bunch of them that don't like to fight -- they sit around and stare at their own meditate and talk about stuff. Still, most of them are useful.
    You might be surprised at how useful the Crow philosophers are. Not everything is about combat, Jiraiya.
    Nah, just the stuff that matters.
    Hope you enjoyed that mission to Sand. I've got plenty more jobs that are perfect for disrespectful little demon children who sass their elders. *evil grin*
    Sensei, I mean this in the politest and most respectful way possible: You suck.
    :P

    Sharks are seriously lethal in the water, but they're useless out of the water. Their Summoner is Hoshigaki, and he's got some strong water jutsu that let him make enough water that his Summons can be useful in a fight on land. They don't like anyone else.
    He doesn't actually create water as such, but yes. Watch out if you meet him -- he likes to trap his opponents in a giant water sphere where he and his Summons are well suited and you are not. If he manages to catch you like that then you need to quickly use an Air Bubble to make space, then toss an explosive tag into the water. (You have started waterproofing your tags, right?)
    Or I could just swim over and punch his lights out. And yes, I have. It was ONE TIME! You and Sunny can let it go.
    Earth and sky will crumble to dust before we let that go, devil child. :)

    Otters have hands and use tools better than most of the other Summon Clans. They also are just as good in the water as on land. They don't like to fight and when they have to they do it in groups. Out of a fight they're pretty silly and don't get much done.
    Don't believe everything that Pa tells you. The Otters have one of the more technologically advanced civilizations on the Seventh Path. (Although not as advanced as the Monkeys, because my Clan is, as you like to say, awesome. :)) Yes, the Otters are much less warlike than some of the other Clans and tend to be more relaxed and playful. They are still impressive warriors when you force them to it.
    If you think they're so awesome, why did you go for the Monkeys instead?
    Every Summon Clan, just like every other group of people, has its less desirable traits; the Otters are no exception. I'm very happy being the Monkey Summoner and Enma and I have a good relationship.

    Pangolins are huge, heavily armored, and have massive claws and ginormous tongues. They're great fighters but zenof they hate other people. They've got some weird religion around the Sage. They don't have any other friends that my many sources could find out.
    "Xenophobic". There are several different subraces of Pangolin; the ones you mention are the Giant Pangolin subrace. There are also Long-Tailed Pangolins, Arboreal Pangolins, and possibly some others. Also, stop claiming that you have "many sources". It just gives away that you only have one.
    I do not have only one source!
    Oh, you want to count Ma and Pa as separate sources? Fine. Two sources. Right?
    No comment.

    Cats come in a lot of different sizes. Their territory is mostly covered in forest and savannah and its way far away from Toad territory to the west. The big ones are really strong fighters, the small ones are great scouts and spies. They don't have any friends because they're all complete assholes who tell lies, spread rumors, and like to pretend they're your friend before betraying you.
    I'm guessing that Ma is still upset about having her casserole recipe stolen? That summary could be phrased a little more charitably but it's not explicitly wrong in any particular. Note that they call themselves the 'Feline Clan' and consider 'Cat' to be a slur. (I suspect all the other Clans call them the 'Cat Clan' for precisely this reason.) If you ever have cause to negotiate with them, keep it in mind.

    Bears are friendly and get along well with most of the other Clans. They're strong and
    [Translator's note: The report stops at this point, the remaining pages having been lost]​
     
  • Informational
    • eaglejarl said:
    Look, just because someone is a nonhuman vaguely demonic monstrosity from beyond time and space with the power of a WMD and probably some thoughts on being imprisoned for the last two decades, is no reason to assume they are anything but friendly. This vicious anti-Fox bigotry really needs to stop!
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    I agree.

    It would be hypocritical of the hivemind to be bigoted about our IC counterpart.
     
    eaglejarl said:
    Are you implying that we are capable of eror? *raised eyebrow of promissory doom*
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    Eror, the indefinite plural of era as according to google? I mean, you did create the world of marked for death which contained multiple eras, so I suppose that's accurate.
    Also aside from that, you are capable of error and that's why we have a grue to poke.
     
    Well well, looks like there might be some other pangolin subraces that we could work with better. We should look into that when there's time.
     
    eaglejarl said:
    They don't have any friends because they're all complete assholes who tell lies, spread rumors, and like to pretend they're your friend before betraying you.
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    No wonder canon Uchiha got along with them so well.

    Also, sassy Sarutobi was a treat to read.

    Seal water proofing is a thing.

    All roads lead to the Otters.

    And lastly: it's possible that this was just me being sleepy and using a high resolution on the desktop but I had to switch to mobile because of the eye strain half way through.
     
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