Correct me if I'm wrong, but what she said was that there had been a consistent decline visible in some of Mist's macroeconomic indicators. That is not only incomplete data, but it also permits other explanations. It's consistent with the decline of civilization, but insufficient as proof.
On a related note, it may well be that chakra beasts are the main issue and scorch squads barely make a dent in the population figures. We don't know.
Does that actually help, though? It's one thing to be an uncontested power. It's another to enter into a war of subjugation against the other villages with the intent of forcing our ideology upon them.
We could always let the Pangolins enslave every other clan around them. If we find that we like what they did with ambience in the Seventh Path, we could do the same on the Human Path.
Though one of you guys would have to tell Keiko about this plan because I am too much of a chicken.
Easy there, Keiko made an estimate from the data she had access to. I believe her because I don't see any reason why the data would be misleading, but it could still be misleading.
We don't know if Scorch Squads are a thing, but they tick off all the plausibility boxes and make for particularly effective peacetime warfare so I'd be surprised if they didn't exist, and thus I believe Kagome when he says that they exist, but for all that they're plausible and probable they could still be wrong.
I think the above term "peacetime warfare" is one of the strongest arguments against. Scorch Squads are basically an assumption that a peace isn't actually a peace but only a ceasefire and that warfare is inevitable again. Because it's acts of war, continually carried out, that if every caught would cause a full war to break out.
War sucks! It's terrible for everyone involved and truthfully it's not always clear to me what any Villages hope to gain from it. Goodness, who actually even benefits from a war over not having a war? One of the things that makes ninja different from historical warlords is that they don't really hold land directly. It's not like war is a chance to earn your fiefdom and be granted an estate by the Kage. Who is better off from even a 'successful' war in terms of money in pockets?
I think the above term "peacetime warfare" is one of the strongest arguments against. Scorch Squads are basically an assumption that a peace isn't actually a peace but only a ceasefire and that warfare is inevitable again. Because it's acts of war, continually carried out, that if every caught would cause a full war to break out.
War sucks! It's terrible for everyone involved and truthfully it's not always clear to me what any Villages hope to gain from it. Goodness, who actually even benefits from a war over not having a war? One of the things that makes ninja different from historical warlords is that they don't really hold land directly. It's not like war is a chance to earn your fiefdom and be granted an estate by the Kage. Who is better off from even a 'successful' war in terms of money in pockets?
It's about not trusting the other nations to not go to war and end all of your clans and your way of life and it's really truly sad but necessary for you to take this mission to keep them from doing that.
It's about not trusting the other nations to not go to war and end all of your clans and your way of life and it's really truly sad but necessary for you to take this mission to keep them from doing that.
It's almost never about that kind of thing. It's always about resources and power, and all that other stuff is just a story told to justify the first part.
It's almost never about that kind of thing. It's always about resources and power, and all that other stuff is just a story told to justify the first part.
Right, which means it almost HAS to be about the daimyo. Can somebody link me to the info dump about the relationship that certain villages have with their daimyo?
It's almost never about that kind of thing. It's always about resources and power, and all that other stuff is just a story told to justify the first part.
You can better protect your populace from chakra beasts => more production => better economy
You can take on more missions (including escort of merchants) => more income for the village
You can pressure other countries into favorable (for you) trade deals
Other countries having less ninja is also beneficial for the same reasons.
Nobody really wants a war because war is terrible and costly, but:
Even if you really want to play nice, at the end of the day, you can't trust ninja from any other country, because their incentives are at odds with your own. (What does Wind do when the drought last year means they're strained for resources, and the chakra locust plague drove up wheat prices substantially in Fire and Earth?)
At a certain critical mass with lots of hyper-magic-stealth-soldiers on both sides, it becomes increasingly hard prevent incidents and/or deescalate when something does happen.
Basically, boom/bust cycles with incentives gently but insistently pushing everyone all the way up to the brink, and then random oscillations can do the rest, despite people's best efforts to hold it together.
I mean, take the current situation -- who would be surprised if war broke out next update because someone from Wind, acting alone, killed someone important from Lightning over a lovers' quarrel, Lightning tracked the assassin to a neutral village and almost apprehended them, but then ran into a a team from Wind that was deployed there, and shit went south fast?
I mean, take the current situation -- who would be surprised if war broke out next update because someone from Wind, acting alone, killed someone important from Lightning over a lovers' quarrel, Lightning tracked the assassin to a neutral village and almost apprehended them, but then ran into a a team from Wind that was deployed there, and shit went south fast?
Even if you really want to play nice, at the end of the day, you can't trust ninja from any other country, because their incentives are at odds with your own. (What does Wind do when the drought last year means they're strained for resources, and the chakra locust plague drove up wheat prices substantially in Fire and Earth?)
Make an alliance with a neighbor that has good land for farming, and a long-term trade agreement that favors both parties, with set, slightly-above-average-market-value prices for food.
Make an alliance with a neighbor that has good land for farming, and a long-term trade agreement that favors both parties, with set, slightly-above-average-market-value prices for food.
Hazō knocked, then pushed Keiko's door open and leaned in.
"Keiko, have you seen the big teapot? Kagome-sensei and I—"
Keiko was sitting on her bed, staring at him with slightly widened eyes. Her nightstand was populated by the usual run of books—a few more than usual, in fact, with the spines facing the wall—and the massive one-gallon teapot that Hazō had been looking for, along with one of the largest mugs and a large pot of honey. More importantly, the blanket was in the process of settling over several more books that had been spread out in front of her.
"What?!" she snapped.
"Uh...is everything okay?"
"Yes, everything is fine! I was just—" She looked around the room slightly frantically. "Thinking. Yes. I was attempting to consider how we might...work on your Uplift plans. Yes, that is absolutely what I was thinking about. Not reading. Just thinking."
Hazō considered that one for a moment. "Right. You know what, I'll catch you later. Enjoy your...thinking."
o-o-o-o
November 27, 7:15am
Jiraiya was at the Tower, Mari-sensei was in her room and not coming out, Noburi was on a mission, and neither Kagome-sensei nor Keiko were good sources of wisdom for the issue at hand. There were times when a man had to stand on his own, face his own problems head-on. Grab the chakra buffalo by the horns. When he had no team, no one to watch his back.
There were also times when a man could go to his mom.
The walk from the Gōketsu compound to the ambassadorial quarters at Hokage Tower was just long enough to give Hazō a chance to organize his scattered thoughts. He wanted to have the whole thing laid out in his mind before he got there so that he wouldn't be stumbling blindly around with 'um's and 'er's. It needed to sound like a professional offering a well-considered report and requesting help on a difficult situation, not like panicked teenage fumbling.
The attack came when Hazō was halfway to the Tower, just passing through one of Leaf's larger market squares.
His assailant was a blur, streaking towards him at fully chakra-boosted speed with a weapon in hand; Hazō spun aside and dropped into a combat crouch...
...only to straighten up, blinking, as his 'attacker' went right on by and screeched to a halt at a clothing stall. The 'weapon' was in fact a heavy moneypouch, gripped tight in one white-knuckled hand.
"Green!" Nara Shiori shouted at the merchant, brandishing said moneypouch in one hand and a snatched-up garment in the other. "It needs to be green!"
"Uh...yes, ma'am. Would this be more—"
"Forest green, not sea foam!"
One of the most important bits of strategic advice taught in ninja school is "Pick your battles." Hazō decided he did not need to pick this one. Instead, he turned on his heel and hurried his steps away from whatever disaster was in the process of unfolding.
o-o-o-o
"An orgy?" Hana said, obviously struggling not to laugh. Which, given that the Iron Nerve allowed for perfect facial control, was the Kurosawa equivalent of teasing.
"Momma," Hazō said reprovingly, trying not to whine, "it's not funny."
"It's a little funny, cricket."
He glowered at her.
The laughter escaped, but she restricted it to just a few moments and then made herself sober up. "Okay, cricket, okay. I don't see this being a big deal in the long run. You'll get teased a lot. Your clan will get a reputation as a bunch of libertines, and you personally might get a reputation as a stick-in-the-mud, but I doubt it will go further than that."
"But I don't want a bad reputation as a whatever you said, or as a stick-in-the-mud!"
"Libertine, cricket. It means a person with no morals, especially related to sex."
"But...but...I'm not a libertine! And Keiko doesn't even like being touched!"
Hana shrugged. "Your clan head is Jiraiya, literally the most famous skirt-chaser in the entire world. Your clan matriarch is a tramp who—"
"Mom."
She raised a hand placatingly. "Fine. Your clan matriarch is a seduction specialist with a reputation for getting around. You lot were always going to be talked about with a nudge and a wink."
Hazō looked at his mother suspiciously. "How does anyone know about Mari-sensei's reputation?"
Hana shrugged. "No idea, but I can make some guesses. She's beautiful and important, which always gets a woman a reputation. She's been out with Mitarashi, dancing in...mature ways. T&I here undoubtedly knows at least some of her history—every Village's intelligence department has a dossier on all known jōnin, and she's no exception. Maybe some of them leaked, or maybe some traders from Mist have gossiped about her history.
"Regardless, with those two at the helm you guys were always going to have a reputation. This isn't so bad as an establishing moment; the key detail is that nothing actually happened." She chuckled. "Although that might get lost in the retelling. Before the week is over there will probably be stories about how half the village was swinging from the rafters."
Hazō buried his head in his hands.
"Don't worry, cricket. Jiraiya's reputation is way worse than that and it doesn't cause him any real trouble."
"He's an S-rank ninja who terrifies clan heads," Hazō muttered resentfully through the screen of his fingers.
She laughed again and took his hand, pulling it gently away from his face as she stood up. "Well then we'll just need to get you to S-rank as soon as possible. Come on, young man. Time to train."
o-o-o-o
November 27, 12pm
Okay, he could do this.
It was time. No more stalling, time to go.
Yep. No more reasons to delay. He was freshly bathed, the sweat and dirt of training washed away. His clothes looked good, his hair was combed and Mari-sensei was not around to alter that fact. He'd chewed enough mint to leave his breath unobjectionable. All of Momma's advice on appropriate words and expressions was at his fingertips. Yep. Time to go.
Hazō stared into the vaguely reflective surface of the koi pond a moment longer, desperately hoping that there would be a screamed alert as the armies of Akatsuki descended upon Leaf with fire and kunai. Or a massive explosion from the clan armory. Or, really, anything that would mean that he didn't have to go invite Yamanaka to lunch.
Sadly, no such alert happened.
With a sigh, he stepped out of the compound gates, pushing them closed behind himself, and nodded to the ANBU standing guard.
"Good afternoon, sir," the guard said. "If Lord Hokage needs you, may I say where you'll be?"
"I'm going to ask Yamanaka Ino out for lunch," Hazō said dejectedly.
The ANBU agent's mask denied her expressions to the world, but the slight shift in her stance bespoke amusement. "May I suggest, sir, that a girl generally prefers her suitor to seem a bit more enthusiastic and a bit less 'on the way to the gallows'?"
"I'm not a suitor!" Hazō protested. "I'm just asking her out for lunch so that we can talk."
"Oooh," the guard said. "That's never good. 'We need to talk', the four scariest words aside from 'S-rank babysitting mission'."
Hazō frowned at her. "That's only three words."
She shrugged. "S-rank is two words. Don't let the hyphen fool you."
Hazō is compelled: Open Mouth, Insert Foot!
Nature of compel: Say something that will add to your pervy reputation!
Compel refused! -1 FP
Hazō rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine. Anyway, I just need to get some advice about fitting in with the other clan heirs, and she's the best social type I know who's my age."
"Of course, sir," the ANBU said. "Enjoy your lunch."
With a nod of thanks, Hazō strode across the strip of grass that separated the gates from the street and leaped to the nearest roof. He would take the ninja road instead of walking through the streets with the civilians and getting dust on his finery.
The distance from the Gōketsu compound to the Yamanaka compound was much shorter than he would have liked. Why couldn't it have been farther...like, say, at the north end of the Land of Snow? Sadly, it was not. Yamanaka didn't even have the decency to live all the way on the other side of town.
"Good afternoon, sir," said the senior gate guard politely. Unlike the Gōketsu clan, the Yamanaka actually had enough people that they could have two family members stand at the gate to guard it. "May I help you?"
"Yes, I'm Gōketsu Hazō, looking for Yamanaka Ino," Hazō said. "Could you tell her I'm here, please?"
"Of course, sir. One moment." He glanced over at his junior partner and jerked his head; the junior guard ran inside.
"Nice weather," Hazō said after a moment.
"It really is," the guard replied. "We don't usually get such warm temperatures this far into winter. Enjoy it while we've got it, because it'll be back to being miserable in another few days."
Hazō nodded; the topic exhausted, he fell silent. The guard seemed content to stand in silence as well. Brain-itching, uncomfortable silence.
"So...have you seen any good plays lately?"
"Yes, sir. I went to The Tale of Lady Soong two nights ago. Marvelous play, although I think the music didn't do it justice. Have you seen it, sir?"
"Uh, no."
"Ah. Well, I'd recommend it."
"Great, thanks."
Silence.
Silentness.
Silence, silence, silence.
Siiiiileeeeence.
"So, the play. What's it about?"
o-o-o-o
November 29, 10am
"An orgy? An orgy?" Jiraiya looked shocked for a moment, then dissolved into helpless laughter.
"It's not that funny," Hazō grumbled, already regretting having invited Jiraiya to do research today. It had seemed like a good idea at the time; this morning had been the first time he'd seen the Hokage aside from momentarily passing in the kitchen the prior day, and making a plan to spend a few hours on research had sounded great. Hazō would make progress on his research, Jiraiya would decompress a bit...everyone would win.
What a terrible, terrible idea that had been.
Jiraiya continued his desperate efforts to suck in a breath of air through his laughter. The Toad Sage was bent over, hands on his knees, shaking as hilarity wracked his body.
"It wasn't my fault!"
"Probably just a distraction," Kagome-sensei said, glaring suspiciously around at the completely-empty-except-for-them Training Ground #4, also known as 'Gōketsu Seal Experimentation Lab #1'. "Schmucks probably just wanted to steal something...probably our research notes." He paused, storm clouds lowering on his brow as the next thought occurred. "Or maybe they wanted to leave something. We should check the house for traps. And lupchanzen. I can totally see them wanting to control me, or Mari." He paused. "Probably you too, Jiraiya." He shook his head. "I knew I shouldn't have left you lot alone with those schmucks."
Jiraiya was starting to get his laughter under control. "Schmucks?" he asked, wiping his eyes. "That's new."
"Mari said I should change up my language patterns," Kagome-sensei said, looking away in embarrassment. "Says it's too much of an identifying trait and that it could be used to recognize me if I needed to be in disguise. She told me I'm not allowed to say the 'S' word for a week."
"The 'S' word?"
"You know. The 'S' word." Kagome-sense gestured uncomfortably and uncommunicatively.
Jiraiya shrugged. "I have no idea what you're talking about? What's the 'S' word?"
"You know...it's what you call someone."
"Smart?"
"No, not that."
"Sexy?"
"No! Someone you don't like."
"Silly?"
"No!"
"Stentorious?"
"No! The 'S' word! You know what I mean. It starts S-t-i-n."
"Stringy?"
"There's no 'R'! None! I even spelled it for you!"
Jiraiya scratched his head.
"S-t-i-n...s-t-i-n...Stingy?"
"NO!"
"He means 'stinker', Jiraiya," Hazō said tiredly. "Stop making fun."
"Hmph," Jiraiya glowered. "Oh, speaking of fun, how was your lunch with Ino yesterday?"
"It didn't happen. I went to the gates but she wasn't available. Said I should come back tomorrow."
Jiraiya sucked in a commiserating breath. "Oooh, the old 'come back later', huh? Always a good sign—she's interested, but playing hard to get. Sounds like you melted her heart."
"I'm not trying to melt her heart, I just wanted to have lunch!"
"Heh. Last time I 'just had lunch' with a pretty girl she ended up walking b...she ended up very happy. As did I. A mutual sort of happiness, one might say. Anyway, good for you. Need to put in the effort if you're going to get her to the next orgy."
"THERE WAS NO ORGY!"
"Sure, sure! Whatever you say, kid!" The Sannin backed away, hands raised placatingly and eyes wide in simulated fear. "I understand. Cancelling it was probably a good move, because—"
"I didn't cancel it! There was never supposed to be an orgy!"
"You don't listen very well, do you, schmuck?" Kagome-sensei peered at Jiraiya curiously. "Maybe you should try cleaning your ears. I've got some good cleaning fluid in one of my scrolls if you want. Put it in, let it sit for a while, then pour warm water in. Does the trick. Just don't leave it in too long or it'll melt your brain."
Jiraiya's renewed laughter rapidly devolved into coughing.
"Could we please focus on the research?" Hazō grumbled. "I really want to try making another prototype today."
"Sure, sure, kid. Relax, we'll—"
"Stop right there, you stinke—!" Kagome slapped both hands over his mouth, eyes going wide in horror at his slip. He did not, however, look away from the messenger ninja who had just arrived. The man wore the armband of a courier and moved with the speed of a ninja in a hurry; he had left a roostertail of dust behind him as he came up the dirt track that led to the training ground, and the cloud was settling only slowly. Sunlight glimmered through the red dust, flashing off traces of reflective mica to turn the cloud into a thing of unnoticed beauty, since everyone was too busy looking at the new arrival.
The new arrival, not being an idiot, had frozen in place when the famously paranoid (and famously not-terribly-sane) Gōketsu explosives master shouted at him.
"Lord Hokage, urgent message for you, sir," he said, his voice struggling to be both calm and loud enough to be heard from a dozen yards away.
Jiraiya straightened up, all traces of laughter gone as he hurried over to the messenger. Hazō instinctively trailed along behind, Kagome-sensei on his heels with explosives ready to go.
The messenger glanced over Jiraiya's shoulder to take in the trailing entourage, then dropped his voice low. Jiraiya bent close, listening intently for several seconds, then jerked back, an exasperated look on his face.
"Did Shikaku send you with this?" he demanded. "I already apologized to him. The extra paperwork he dumped on me should have been enough."
The messenger glanced over Jiraiya's shoulder again, then back at his Hokage. The man was clearly nervous and Hazō couldn't be sure if it was at the sight of a possibly-angry-soon Hokage or a paranoid-and-armed-right-now Kagome-sensei.
"Sir, this doesn't come from Lord Nara. I was there. I was given code phrase 'Lily Orchid Seventeen'."
Jiraiya blinked. "Holy shit."
He spun to face Hazō and Kagome. "I need to go. Don't blow yourselves up, destroy the world, or hold dinner. Summoning Technique: Gamazō!" He jabbed his finger on the needle embedded in his belt for exactly that purpose, then slapped his hand to the ground. There was a loud pamf and Hazō was knocked back by the sudden appearance of a toad the size of a small oliphant. Before he had even caught his balance, Jiraiya was on the thing's back and they were gone, the toad's massive leaps carrying it over the treetops in a straight-line path that was faster than running back along the track would have been.
"I'll, uh, I'll just be going," the messenger said. "Um...was he serious about you destroying the world?"
"Of course not," Hazō said. "We'd never do that. We couldn't do that."
Kagome-sensei frowned in confusion. "Sure we could. All it would need is a retrotemporal rift that detonated at the Kamimoot where they decided to create the world." He looked up, ticking thoughts off on his fingers. "Oh, or a seal that drew resources from the surroundings to reproduce itself. If you're willing to settle for 'killing all humans but the planet is still physically here' then another one of those blade-monster rifts would do it, as long as they're able to cut through stone this time...speaking of which, we should probably send someone to check on that first one and make sure they haven't escaped and started spreading across the landscape like an unstoppable hellplague. Hm...some sort of contagious air-borne chakra disease contaminating us so that we unknowingly carry it around and infect everyone so their brains dissolve into meat paste and then they spread it further. Oh, or—"
"Right, uh, thank you, I need to be going, please excuse me, sirs," the messenger said, looking green. He bowed politely, then turned and ran off at far more than the standard 'returning from message delivery' pace.
o-o-o-o
November 30, 2pm
The weather had turned sour again, lowering gray clouds and heavy snow, but Hazō was in a great mood. The thing he'd been dreading, the lunch with Yamanaka, was over and done with. In fact, there were no significant commitments remaining. Seal research was cancelled due to weather. Momma had said she'd be busy today until dinner time with some sort of ambassadorial work, the details of which she'd left vague. Noburi still wasn't back in town, and Keiko...well, suffice to say that Keiko-Hazō interaction wasn't looking too likely in the immediate future.
No, there was nothing still on his plate except to sit here on the bench seat of the kitchen's window nook, look at the snow outside the window, and sip on his nice hot tea. Later on he'd read, or play his flute, or....
"Mrrrooooowwwww."
The sound came from right beside his head, the only warning having been the slight tap-tap of paws landing on the back of the bench seat an instant before the noise reached his ear. Hazō started to spin around but froze when a paw draped itself over his head and onto the bridge of his nose. The claws were only slightly extended, just enough to be seen with a cross-eyed glance, but the threat was still very real.
The paw withdrew slightly as its owner climbed up and settled herself on Hazō's head, her sheathed-claw paws tucked under her and her tail wrapped all the way around his throat like a collar.
"Puuuuuuurrrrrrrrrr."
The cat(?)'s purring vibrated weirdly on Hazō's scalp. It wasn't unpleasant, exactly...in fact, quite relaxing. A bit threatening, but relaxing.
"Fifi," Hazō said quietly.
The beast shifted slightly and the tip of her tail flicked, the fluff at the end tickling his cheek as she did.
"Fifi, you can't sleep there."
"Mrowph." The sound was grumpy, and the tail-flick hit like a mild thwap from a riding crop.
"Fifi—ow!" This time the thwap stung and claws jabbed into him.
Hazō considered his options. He could attempt to fling the cat(?) away, but her tail was wound tight around his neck and she'd probably do a good job of taking his scalp and/or face with her. He couldn't Substitute—the way she was wound around him meant that she would just come along. If he had some sort of shapeshifting jutsu then maybe he could make himself thinner, or smaller, or something. Note to self: Invent shapeshifting jutsu. Even if it only let you turn into humans it would be amazing.
Actually, better yet, pay someone to invent it. That sounded much better.
The cat(?) shifted slightly and Hazō's train of thought vanished like a popped soap bubble, instantly forgotten as the tips of spikey little claws tickled his head. He looked up as best he could without moving his head and was able to see nothing but a puff of fur.
"Puuuuurrrrrrrr....."
The feline(?) body heat, the sound, and the vibration were like a warm glass of milk at bedtime; Hazō's eyes drifted slightly closed without him meaning to. He blinked them open...and then paused. He didn't have anything else to do right now. A nap wouldn't be so bad.
"Okay, let me just get settled," he murmured, shifting on the bench seat. He put one hand up to hold Fifi in place and very slowly lay down so his head was resting on one of the decorative pillows that Mari-sensei had chosen. The beast took the careful motion in good part, not stabbing him at all and somehow ending up spraddled bonelessly across a good chunk of his torso with her tail still wrapped around his neck.
"Thanks, Fifi. This's a good idea," Hazō mumbled, feeling himself drifting off to sleep at the behest of Fifi's steady, rumbling purr.
o-o-o-o
December 1, 3pm
The snow had stopped falling, but there was almost two feet of it on the ground. Civilian teams were shoveling paths down the streets and shopkeepers were offering hot tea in order to lure customers. Hazō had treated himself to a sleep-in morning, then had eaten a self-indulgent breakfast that involved stuffing himself to the gills with delicious things. He had resolutely not allowed himself to think about Akane, or the tournament, or the orgy-related reputation that the Gōketsu had in fact acquired, or what Akane might think about that reputation, or—
Thwap!
"Ow! Okay, okay!"
"Murrrrr...."
Fifi had decided that Hazō made a delightful napping spot. Mostly his head, but if that wasn't convenient for her then his back, chest, or face would do just fine. (Waking up with a nose full of cat(?) had been a frightening and mildly traumatizing experience.) His lap was singularly uninteresting, but occasionally she would graciously deign to be moved there if he had been good—i.e., completely immobile and offering precisely the right amount of petting. Not so little as to suggest that she was not the most important thing in his universe, but not so much as to seem sycophantic and therefore deserving of a savage claw-rake. Juuuust enough.
'Just enough' turned out to be seven to nine seconds of relaxed stroking (with both hands, thank you!), then a pause of forty-one to forty-nine seconds, then repeat. And the petting needed to be fresh, not Iron Nerve. She disliked the perfect repetition of the Iron Nerve and would punish her napping post for its use. Repetition in general was to be avoided, hence the need to vary the duration of petting and the timespan between petting sessions.
By now, Hazō had it down to a science. Although he couldn't use the Iron Nerve for the petting, he could use it to keep his torso perfectly erect and motionless while his hands drew seals. When the time came he would set down his brush, offer up the appropriate amount of reverence, and then go back to work. He'd tried using one hand to pet Fifi and the other to continue drawing; that had gone down poorly. A pile of forty-six blanks had been ruined in the process of learning that lesson.
He reached the end of the current seal he was drawing with four seconds left in his grace period. He set the brush down hastily, paid the tithe to his feline(?) overlady, and went back to work. He was working through the explosives right now; the team had expended almost their entire stock during the Exams and he was busy replacing it. Explosives had gotten so easy he didn't even need to think about it when he drew them, and he figured that cat(?)-on-head was a good time to be stick with simple, safe things like bunker busters, as opposed to some of his more esoteric options.
Behind him, there was the slight scuff of a foot that was the ninja equivalent of knocking when entering a common space. "Hazō, why are you drawing seals with Fifi on your head?" Keiko asked.
"Because I needed to draw seals and she's on my head, obviously."
"Allow me to rephrase. Why are you choosing to draw seals when there is a chakra monster sleeping on your head?"
"Well, I chose to draw them when she wasn't there, but now she is."
Pause. "Very well. I hope both of you are very happy together. Excuse me."
o-o-o-o
December 3, 2pm
Hazō walked into the shop at the same moment that another customer walked out; ninja reflexes turned both of them to the side so they didn't actually crash into each other, but it was a close thing.
"Sorry," Hazō said. The other person was probably male (hard to tell given the heavy, hooded coats that everyone was wearing, and the scarf that this person had wrapped around their face), and roughly Hazō's height so probably his age. Hard-style taijutsu fighter based on his weight distribution. He had been in the process of sliding a thick stack of books into his coat as he walked out.
"Grrrrrrrrr," growled the other boy's hood—or, rather, something that was clearly hiding inside it.
"Hush!" the other boy hissed. Another growl. "I don't care what you smell, hush!"
"Inuzuka?" Hazō asked. "Is everything okay?"
"Huh? Oh...uh, yeah. No, everything's great."
"What are you reading?" Hazō asked, gesturing down to where the books were making an inside pocket of the coat bulge out.
"Nothing! No, just...uh...they're for a friend. I mean, a cousin. One of the cousins. Yeah. I'm just picking them up for him. They aren't for me."
"Oy!" called the shopkeeper. "In or out, but close the door! You're letting the cold in!"
"Gottagobye!" Two steps, a leap, and Inuzuka was gone, racing across the ninja highway towards his family's compound.
Hazō looked after him for a moment, then shook his head and allowed the door to swing closed behind him. He stomped the snow off his boots and brushed more off his coat before stepping off the entryway carpet and over to the counter where the owner waited.
"What may I do for yo—Mr. Gōketsu! Sir, a pleasure! I'm honored to have you in my shop! Please forgive my rudeness a moment ago, I didn't recognize you. Feel free to stand in the door for as long as you want!"
Lovely, the shopkeeper was panicking. "It's fine," Hazō said. "You were entirely reasonable. I'm just looking for something to read."
"Well, you've come to the right place, sir! Anything you want, I've got it! Deep discounts for Lord Hokage's family, of course!"
"Great! I'd like a copy of Akatsuki's book, please."
The shopkeeper froze and became, if possible, even paler. "Akatsuki's book, sir?"
"Yes, please. I'm curious what someone would write about a group of S-rank ninja. Is it stories, history, or what?"
"Um...sir...I don't have that, I'm afraid. I know I said anything, but I didn't think...um...I've very sorry sir, please don't be angry, I didn't mean to deceive you or—"
Hazō sighed. "It's fine, don't worry about it. How about something else...maybe some math or philosophy?"
"Math, sir?"
"Yes...? Is there a problem?"
The shopkeeper gestured somewhat helplessly. "I mean...they have textbooks down at the Academy, I suppose." Sudden realization dawned. "Oh, of course, you grew up in Mist so you never learned...um...right. Yes, of course, sir. Those are specialty items, sir. I can get some for you and have them delivered, if that would be all right?" He glanced around and then leaned forward. "If I may say, sir, I think it's really admirable that you're trying to catch up now that you're here in Leaf. Few people really try to better themselves."
"I know how to do Academy math!" Hazō snapped. The shopkeeper flinched back and Hazō forced himself to take a deep breath. "I know how to do basic math," he said again. "I was hoping you had something more advanced."
"More advanced, sir? I mean...the Academy teaches all of it. At least, here in Leaf they do."
Hazō rubbed his head for a moment, focusing on his breathing and on the political inadvisability of yelling at a civilian shopkeeper.
"Let's try something easier. Do you have any of Jiraiya's books?"
A sly grin spread across the shopkeeper's face. "Jiraiya's books, eh sir? Yes, sir, that I've got. How far into the Icha Icha series are you, sir? I've got books one through forty-six in stock—there was a run on the Icha Icha: Chains of Heart arc, but I'll be getting more in the day after tomorrow, and I'd be happy to set some aside for you. I particularly recommend fifty-four, Purest Soul. See, Jun meets Kumori at an onsen, except that he's in disguise as a girl at the time because Lady Serpenta is chasing him after he tried to seduce her as part of his efforts to infiltrate the Yakuza so that he could steal—"
"Actually, I wasn't really looking for those," Hazō said quickly. "He's got some non-smut stuff, right?"
The shopkeeper stopped talking and simply blinked in shock. "You don't want the more mature books, sir? But...aren't you...."
"Aren't I what?"
"Never mind, sir. None of my business! Non-smut stuff from Jiraiya...let me see...ah, yes, I've got just the thing. This way please, sir."
The shopkeeper ducked around the counter and bustled off to one of the aisles of shelves. Hazō trailed along, trying to ignore the feeling that he might possibly be acquiring that reputation that Momma had warned him about.
XP AWARD: 26
FP AWARD: 0
Hazō is -1 FP due to refusing the compel.
There will be no voting.
Author's Note: The written language of the Elemental Nations is, of course, kanji and not the Latin alphabet. All of MfD is, of course, a translation from the original, and that's always a tricky process, especially when it comes to humor. Jiraiya's teasing of Kagome was one such example, so I chose to render the spirit of the joke instead of the letter. (Pun intended.)
"Regardless, with those two at the helm you guys were always going to have a reputation. This isn't so bad as an establishing moment; the key detail is that nothing actually happened." She chuckled. "Although that might get lost in the retelling. Before the week is over there will probably be stories about how half the village was swinging from the rafters."
