Interlude: Chosen for the Grave, Part 6
Insofar as Oli had had any plans for his afternoon, these were not they. He had been enjoying talking to Jiraiya. It wasn't every day you got to reveal your amazing superpowers to a nearly-head-of-state who was prepared to sell his soul to have them used on his behalf. Sure, Val got all the best parts of being a ninja, and Earl got… actually, Oli wasn't sure what Earl got, on a practical level, but he had a feeling it would somehow end up as the power to freely rewrite reality, from quarks to supergiants. But here and now, Oli was the one who could transform geopolitics with the tap of a finger, and he wanted to enjoy the experience while it lasted.
Instead, Jiraiya had been called away to do whatever it was that spymasters did (they really should have fleshed more of this stuff out while they had the chance), and Oli had been promptly whisked away elsewhere. And this time, his interlocutor was not going to be won over with promises of military power through stat boosts.
"I am given to understand," one of the most dangerous men in the world said, "that you are our creator."
Nara Shikaku was exactly as the anime portrayed him, except that his gaze was much sharper, and his body language less that of a weary middle-aged man and more that of a panther resting before its next hunt. Unlike Jiraiya, he didn't feel threatening. He felt like someone who could erase you from existence without ever bothering to consider you an enemy.
"You could say that," Oli said hesitantly, wondering if Shikaku was about to hold him responsible for the existence of evil, or worse, of Maito Gai. "Strictly speaking, I came along later, when the majority of the worldbuilding was already done."
"It is an extraordinary claim," Shikaku said thoughtfully. "Jiraiya and the Hokage both appear to be convinced, but for my part, it would save us both a great deal of time if you could substantiate it with some verifiable piece of information that you could not otherwise possess."
That seemed fair. It was the classic question asked of time travellers, and in a sense Oli was in the same position—he had important knowledge and powers which could change the world in unimaginably vast ways, everything around him was
fascinating, and at the same time he really really hoped he wasn't stuck here for good. As such, he'd predicted Shikaku's question (and wasn't that something to feel good about?) and come up with a decent answer while being escorted here by the invariably dour ANBU guards.
"There is a book in the deepest Nara vaults," he began, hoping that this was a CfG-canon statement and not one of those ideas Val and Earl batted around for fun before regaining their senses and vetoing it into oblivion. "It lists every known research pathway that is expected to lead to an existential risk, and only a handful of elders are allowed to handle it. Whenever a Nara realises that their research also has the potential for existential risk, they report it immediately, it's added to the book, and they stop. Whenever a Nara wants to conduct research in an area that they think has never been explored before, they consult the elders, who consult the book and forbid the research if they have to.
"Our players probably don't realise how many of their ideas the Nara already have in there," he added.
Shikaku frowned. "I can neither confirm nor deny that such a book exists. If it did, I would be almost one hundred percent certain that no one outside the clan was aware of its existence, and even within the clan, most of those who were would believe that was a form of oral tradition rather than a physical object.
"Supposing, then, that you are our creator, I have a number of questions for you."
"Go ahead," Oli said, suddenly aware that he was acting not only as a representative of the CfG QMs, but quite possibly of the entirety of Planet Earth.
"The first question must be 'why'."
"Why what?"
"Why does this world exist?" Shikaku clarified patiently. "What, if any, is its purpose?"
Oli considered lying, but quickly decided that if there was one man who could detect lies through body language, it would be the ninja famous for his intelligence and information processing abilities.
"Entertainment," he said uneasily. "Where I come from, this world is the setting of a fictional story."
Somehow, this did not seem to faze Shikaku in the slightest.
"What genre?" he asked immediately.
"Action, I think. You have to understand, we're not responsible for the original work. That was a man named Kishimoto. He wrote a highly popular manga—an illustrated story—for teenage readers. Then we took that work and altered it to create our own setting."
"An action story for teenage readers," Shikaku echoed. "And so is born a history of unending violence and pointless death. I assume it is set in Hidden Leaf, with a genin protagonist?"
Oli blinked. Twice. "How did you know?"
"Firstly, you arrived here and now, of all the places in the world and all points in history, and immediately oriented yourself with regard to the major players in Leaf and our geopolitical situation. Assuming finite time and intelligence, you or this Kishimoto invested some portion of those things in creating a profound Nara Clan secret that is of no relevance to the rest of the world. More broadly, you or Kishimoto made Leaf the most influential village. You had it founded by the heir of the Sage of Six Paths and you made it the origin of the village system itself, as well as the creator of such vital institutions as the Kage Summit, the Chūnin Exam and the Tailed Beast power balance. You made it stand out across the world as a beacon of civilisation. These are not the characteristics of an antagonist, nor of a mere background actor.
"Leaf has recently seen a rare crop of genin prodigies. They are of a suitable age for teenage readers to identify with, as genin they are primarily involved in small-scale battles which emphasise individual performance, and demographically they possess both the highest growth and the highest mortality rate. I could go on, but these are the some of the most salient points.
"Of course, I am guessing at the literary conventions of an alien culture. But since it appears I am correct, which of our genin is the focus of the story?"
"Uzumaki Naruto. His name is the title of the original."
"Uzumaki Naruto," Shikaku gave a faint smile. "Of course. Renowned as the son of a legendary hero, taught by the greatest experts since early childhood with the aid of an accelerated learning technique only he can truly master, and possessed of the single strongest source of power in the shinobi world. His education in politics, economics and strategy has been progressing more slowly, but one day he will be the greatest Kage that has ever lived. He displays vast variety and creativity in battle, and his position forces him to grapple with the temptations and responsibilities of power, the utopian ideals of youth versus the harsh pragmatism of reality, and the need to capitalise on that which makes him different without succumbing to alienation. I daresay I would enjoy reading such a story myself, had I the time."
"Um," Oli said. "That's not quite how it goes."
"Oh?"
Oli paused to marshal his thoughts. It had been a long while since he last watched the early episodes, though Val's regular frustrated ravings kept certain elements fresh in his mind.
"The canon Naruto's parentage is kept secret, and he is a universally bullied pariah because the older generation resents him as the Nine Tails host. He's the class clown, and he's so bad as a student that he fails his graduation exam at the Academy."
"I see," Shikaku said slowly. "Continue."
"A treacherous instructor tricks him into stealing the Hokage's secret scroll of techniques under the guise of an alternative graduation exam."
"The Hokage's secret scroll of techniques, or at least the one worthy of a definite article, is protected to the extent that even I am not cleared to know about some of the seals involved," Shikaku noted. "And you have just stated that your Naruto is less competent than a typical Academy student."
"Nevetheless, he manages to steal it."
"I assume he isn't captured and executed," Shikaku said, "since the story must continue. The first of the ANBU to find him facilitates his escape, presumably because they are corrupt and accept the scroll as personal payment. What follows is the romanticised career of a missing-nin, which I grant is also a good source of regular high-stakes combat, encounters with colourful characters and implausible dramatic plot twists."
Oli shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Actually, the Hokage doesn't send any ANBU to recover the scroll. As far as I can remember, he sends a bunch of nameless chūnin we never see again, none of whom find Naruto in the end. And he watches Naruto using the… Telescope Technique?... but doesn't do anything else.
"Come to think of it, Val must know that technique now, and it sounds utterly broken," Oli added to himself.
"Anyway, the only one that finds Naruto is Umino Iruka."
"Shikamaru's Academy instructor?" Shikaku asked. "I suppose Naruto's as well, in context."
"Right. He's one of a very small number of people who actually has a friendly relationship with Naruto. By this point, Mizuki—the treacherous instructor—has found Naruto first, and told him about the Demon Fox. The Hokage is worried that the revelation will make Naruto use the scroll to unleash the Fox and destroy the village, though he still doesn't do anything, but Iruka risks his life to save Naruto and that makes everything OK. Then Naruto uses the Multiple Shadow Clone Technique he learned from the scroll while waiting for Mizuki, defeats Mizuki, and Iruka promotes him to genin on the spot."
"The Academy dropout learns the Multiple Shadow Clone Technique without an instructor in what I infer is a matter of hours?" Shikaku asked.
"DYK," Oli muttered.
"I beg your pardon?"
"That was a yes."
After a second's delay, Shikaku clapped his hands.
"Naruto is secretly a genius. Having deliberately failed his exams, he deceives Mizuki into deceiving him, thereby minimising his culpability for stealing the scroll. He successfully obtains the Multiple Shadow Clone Technique, which is a perfect fit for his unique advantage as the Demon Fox host, as well as providing the learning benefits to compensate for ostracism-induced inferior training. By shifting the blame fully to Mizuki, he renders himself innocent in the Hokage's eyes, ensuring that his new status as a security risk is outweighed by his extraordinary value as a prodigy who has already mastered one of Leaf's most powerful ninjutsu.
"Of course, this is all part of a greater gambit by the Hokage. He has already perceived Naruto and Mizuki's true nature and plans. He secretly reduces the defences on the scroll so that Naruto is capable of stealing it despite his overconfidence, and while he is forced to muster a response, he selects inferior shinobi and, having established Naruto's location using the Telescope Technique, dispatches them elsewhere. At the same time, he sends Iruka directly to said location. By selecting Iruka, having him battle alongside Naruto, and providing a symbolic act of goodwill and acceptance through the irregular promotion, he allays Naruto's irrational but inevitable temptation to use his new-found power for vengeance, exploits his emotional vulnerability as an outcast and lays the groundwork for a deal which will fully bind Naruto to him. In exchange for absolute loyalty, the Hokage will provide not only absolution but future preferential treatment, such as an elite instructor to take advantage of his 'newly-discovered' talent, and powerful teammates in order to further accelerate his growth. Needless to say, these are all benefits that the Hokage intends for his new rising star to have in any case.
"Now I consider it further," Shikaku went on without taking any visible time to consider it further, "it is clear that the Hokage caused or endorsed Naruto's childhood as a pariah in preparation for this incident or one like it. A kindly authority figure reaching out to a lonely orphan to offer acknowledgement of his true value, long-term emotional and material support, and protection from a court martial or worse? Why, the conspiracy practically writes itself."
Oli found himself without the power of speech.
