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Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

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(April Fool's) Chapter 256.2: Game Over
  • Apocrypha

    • How had it come to this? Yes, the night had started out ominously, but for a while, it seemed like everything was going to be under control. People were mixing. Confrontations were being defused by more level-headed participants (having access to jōnin hand-picked for their ability to function in a foreign village really helped). Discovering the concept of gaming for the first time was exciting, and helped distract the gamers from the fact that each side's relatives had spent a good century or more killing the other's. Yes, it wasn't everything he'd hoped for, but the chaos had been more or less manageable, and so far there hadn't been any literal bloodshed.

    So how had it come to this?

    All of the games, all of them, from Strategic Dominance to the Chains of the Witch King adventure module, to freaking Yakuza, had somehow merged into a single metagame with a complex amalgam of rules that allowed every single attendant to play with or against each other at the same time. And guess who was running it.

    No, Hazō knew how it had come to this. His mind flashed back to

    -Φ-​

    The door slammed open. Hazō's flashback was cut off as if severed by a blade.

    "You're all here. Good."

    Hazō recognised that voice. Even though, despite everything, he'd only heard it once before in his life, he knew it to be the voice of primal fear. No matter who Hazō became, no matter how well he learned to laugh at the antics of his past, there would always be a part of him that refused to forget. Right now, that voice meant only one thing.

    Momochi Zabuza had crashed the party.

    He'd brought his sword.

    "Captain Zabuza!" a chirpy voice broke the paralysed silence. "I was so sure you wouldn't make it. Here, grab a seat next to… Nara, and I'll give you a quick run-down of the rules while Teams Platypus and Garden Eel are finishing off their turn spiral."

    "Mori. Shut up."

    In the second most shocking development of the night, Mori shut up.

    "I'm not here to play games," Captain Zabuza growled. "I've had enough of games. I've had enough of politics. I've had enough of lies. My comrades, the best men and women in Mist, are dead. The politicians don't get to brush that away because the truth is inconvenient. Tonight, you're going to hear everything that happened. And who was responsible for it all."

    Hazō realised in a burst of horror exactly what Captain Zabuza was about to tell the world. The true events of that battle were classified beyond imagination. The only people in Leaf who knew were those present at the fateful clan heads' meeting. And of those people, Lord Hyūga had chosen not to attend the gaming night at all, while the other two had eventually bowed out, citing (probably Mori-related) headaches.

    There was a reason those events were classified. How would the people at large, both civilian and ninja, react if they learned that the other side of the prospective alliance had just massacred all of their heroes? How would they react if they learned that the other side had lured Uzumaki and Yagura respectively to their doom? Most importantly, how would they react if they learned that their leaders had chosen to pretend it all away in order to make friends with the enemy, and in so doing boost their personal political status?

    A permanent end to the possibility of alliance would be a given. But the consequences beyond that were unpredictable. Villages betrayed by their new leaders. The enforcers on whom the state's power rested suddenly all dead. Nothing like this had ever happened before, and any theoretical texts on the subjects of civil unrest, or even insurrection, had always been burned on sight and their authors disappeared. And even in the best-case scenario, either every foreigner present would have to be imprisoned or killed—while under Chūnin Exam peace treaty—or the other villages would find out that Leaf and Mist had just suffered catastrophic military losses.

    Jiraiya, the only person in the room who could do anything about this, looked completely unconcerned. He was fully in-character still, obviously as interested as anyone in this grand revelation that had nothing to do with him personally. Hazō had no idea how he could stop Captain Zabuza from that position. Any public attempt to silence someone about to reveal a conspiracy would instantly implicate Jiraiya as a member of that conspiracy. But if anyone could pull it off…

    "I may have to stop you there," Jiraiya said mildly. "If the Mizukage has ruled these topics highly classified, as I believe she has, it could cause a major diplomatic incident for you to tell us without her permission. I, for one, can't afford that when I have urgent business waiting for me in Leaf."

    A pretext—something of a flimsy one, but definitely a pretext—for Jiraiya to take action against Captain Zabuza in an aggressive but fundamentally non-hostile way. Hazō didn't often get to see Jiraiya at work in his natural environment of subtle diplomacy, as opposed to the cutthroat politics that had been thrust upon him, and it was beautiful to see a master at work.

    However, people's eyes were still narrowing in suspicion.

    "We'll still be here if you go and come back with her permission," Jiraiya said, casually defusing it. "It's not like I'm not curious about what you have to say."

    "Shut up, Hokage."

    Thirty people flinched.

    "You don't have the authority to enforce Mist law. If you so much as lay a finger on me, that's your diplomatic incident right there. In a room full of people."

    A none-too-polite reminder that if Jiraiya used violence, the friendly fire could be catastrophic.

    "Here are the facts," the ultimate hunter-nin raised his voice.

    "It was a trap. And the ones who set us up, the ones responsible for all this—"

    The door slammed open. Captain Zabuza whipped round instantly, sword in hand.

    An apparently unarmed man stumbled in, looking like he could fall over any second.

    Thank the Sage and all his many brothers.

    Jiraiya flicked his eyes to one of the ANBU, and the woman took off at a dead run. Aunt Ren would be here in minutes. Hazō almost regretted not inviting her.

    Until then, all Jiraiya had to do was take whatever the man was about to tell him and use it to stall for time. Child's play for the master diplomat.

    "Sunohara?" Jiraiya asked with a confused frown that probably masked massive relief. "What could be important enough to make you come all the way here in person?"

    "They've taken Gaara," Sunohara said heavily. "We are out of time."

    -o-
    ​
    What do you do?

    Voting closes on Wednesday 3rd of April, 4 p.m. London time. Note the extended deadline.​
     
    Last edited:
  • Apocrypha
    • Velorien said:
    How had it come to this? Yes, the night had started out ominously, but for a while, it seemed like everything was going to be under control. People were mixing. Confrontations were being defused by more level-headed participants (having access to jōnin hand-picked for their ability to function in a foreign village really helped). Discovering the concept of gaming for the first time was exciting, and helped distract the gamers from the fact that each side's relatives had spent a good century or more killing the other's. Yes, it wasn't everything he'd hoped for, but the chaos had been more or less manageable, and so far there hadn't been any literal bloodshed.

    So how had it come to this?

    All of the games, all of them, from Strategic Dominance to the Chains of the Witch King adventure module, to freaking Yakuza, had somehow merged into a single metagame with a complex amalgam of rules that allowed every single attendant to play with or against each other at the same time. And guess who was running it.

    No, Hazō knew how it had come to this. His mind flashed back to
    ​
    Click to expand...
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    You nearly got me.

    Nearly.

    But you didn't finish the sentence here, and that's how I know.
     
    The real April Fools' joke is that that wasn't an April Fools' joke.
    Velorien said:
    Now why would you remind the rest of the hivemind when you could have got in on the joke by delaying your reaction?
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    Suggestion for the next year's joke: plan it with the assumption that all of hivemind would be expecting it. I'm sure you could deceive us even if we're expecting you to deceive us — especially with an entire year to plan.

    In fact... I precommit to, on the 31st of March of the next year, raise the thread's awareness of the impending April Fools', reminding and warning people about likely QM shenanigans.

    There. I hope you enjoy a challenge.
     
    Last edited:
    Oh, right, it's April Fools day, isn't it?

    I was thinking Zabuza was going to come out and blame Akatsuki, rather than trying to stir up an actual incident.
     
    Damn it.
    If only they waited a bit....so it is time.
    Protocol, let me see...oh, right, Surtur:

    [Jk]Operation Surtur, The Godslayer
    -Activate the hidden seals(sound amplification) in the compound and kill everyone aside from Noburi,Keiko,Ami and Jiraya,Hana and Shin
    -Use the fallen bodies and the blood to create a giant summoning seal and call upon the first summon:Jashin
    -Activate the Sealing Ring Surtur(Voluntary seal failure version), and banish Jashin, The Right Hand of The Sage in parallel dimension 235, with Mist and everything nearby,an unfortunate sacrifice
    -The first shot is fired, let the Holy War start: The High-Watcher Kagome waits for your command, his armies are ready.
    -Let the Gods and the Sky fall, and reclaim our destiny.
    -Offer Shin the position of Mist diplomat in Leaf
    -Give everyone post-interactions survey.
    -Run,Zabuza will shortly escape from the dimensional prison to kill you
     
    Velorien said:

    How had it come to this? Yes, the night had started out ominously, but for a while, it seemed like everything was going to be under control. People were mixing. Confrontations were being defused by more level-headed participants (having access to jōnin hand-picked for their ability to function in a foreign village really helped). Discovering the concept of gaming for the first time was exciting, and helped distract the gamers from the fact that each side's relatives had spent a good century or more killing the other's. Yes, it wasn't everything he'd hoped for, but the chaos had been more or less manageable, and so far there hadn't been any literal bloodshed.

    So how had it come to this?

    All of the games, all of them, from Strategic Dominance to the Chains of the Witch King adventure module, to freaking Yakuza, had somehow merged into a single metagame with a complex amalgam of rules that allowed every single attendant to play with or against each other at the same time. And guess who was running it.

    No, Hazō knew how it had come to this. His mind flashed back to

    -Φ-​

    The door slammed open. Hazō's flashback was cut off as if severed by a blade.

    "You're all here. Good."

    Hazō recognised that voice. Even though, despite everything, he'd only heard it once before in his life, he knew it to be the voice of primal fear. No matter who Hazō became, no matter how well he learned to laugh at the antics of his past, there would always be a part of him that refused to forget. Right now, that voice meant only one thing.

    Momochi Zabuza had crashed the party.

    He'd brought his sword.

    "Captain Zabuza!" a chirpy voice broke the paralysed silence. "I was so sure you wouldn't make it. Here, grab a seat next to… Nara, and I'll give you a quick run-down of the rules while Teams Platypus and Garden Eel and are finishing off their turn spiral."

    "Mori. Shut up."

    In the second most shocking development of the night, Mori shut up.

    "I'm not here to play games," Momochi growled. "I've had enough of games. I've had enough of politics. I've had enough of lies. My comrades, the best men and women in Mist, are dead. The politicians don't get to brush that away because the truth is inconvenient. Tonight, you're going to hear everything that happened. And who was responsible for it all."

    Hazō realised in a burst of horror exactly what Momochi was about to tell the world. The true events of that battle were classified beyond imagination. The only people in Leaf who knew were those present at the fateful clan heads' meeting. And of those people, Lord Hyūga had chosen not to attend the gaming night at all, while the other two had eventually bowed out, citing (probably Mori-related) headaches.

    There was a reason those events were classified. How would the people at large, both civilian and ninja, react if they learned that the other side of the prospective alliance had just massacred all of their heroes? How would they react if they learned that the other side had lured Uzumaki and Yagura respectively to their doom? Most importantly, how would they react if they learned that their leaders had chosen to pretend it all away in order to make friends with the enemy, and in so doing boost their personal political status?

    A permanent end to the possibility of alliance would be a given. But the consequences beyond that were unpredictable. Villages betrayed by their new leaders. The enforcers on whom the state's power rested suddenly all dead. Nothing like this had ever happened before, and any theoretical texts on the subjects of civil unrest, or even insurrection, had always been burned on sight and their authors disappeared. And even in the best-case scenario, either every foreigner present would have to be imprisoned or killed—while under Chūnin Exam peace treaty—or the other villages would find out that Leaf and Mist had just suffered catastrophic military losses.

    Jiraiya, the only person in the room who could do anything about this, looked completely unconcerned. He was fully in-character still, obviously as interested as anyone in this grand revelation that had nothing to do with him personally. Hazō had no idea how he could stop Momochi from that position. Any public attempt to silence someone about to reveal a conspiracy would instantly implicate Jiraiya as a member of that conspiracy. But if anyone could pull it off…

    "I may have to stop you there," Jiraiya said mildly. "If the Mizukage has ruled these topics highly classified, as I believe she has, it could cause a major diplomatic incident for you to tell us without her permission. I, for one, can't afford that when I have urgent business waiting for me in Leaf."

    A pretext—something of a flimsy one, but definitely a pretext—for Jiraiya to take action against Momochi in an aggressive but fundamentally non-hostile way. Hazō didn't often get to see Jiraiya at work in his natural environment of subtle diplomacy, as opposed to the cutthroat politics that had been thrust upon him, and it was beautiful to see a master at work.

    However, people's eyes were still narrowing in suspicion.

    "We'll still be here if you go and come back with her permission," Jiraiya said, casually defusing it. "It's not like I'm not curious about what you have to say."

    "Shut up, Hokage."

    Thirty people flinched.

    "You don't have the authority to enforce Mist law. If you so much as lay a finger on me, that's your diplomatic incident right there. In a room full of people."

    A none-too-polite reminder that if Jiraiya used violence, the friendly fire could be catastrophic.

    "Here are the facts," the ultimate hunter-nin raised his voice.

    "It was a trap. And the ones who set us up, the ones responsible for all this—"

    The door slammed open. Momochi whipped round instantly, sword in hand.

    An apparently unarmed man stumbled in, looking like he could fall over any second.

    Thank the Sage and all his many brothers.

    Jiraiya flicked his eyes to one of the ANBU, and the woman took off at a dead run. Aunt Ren would be here in minutes. Hazō almost regretted not inviting her.

    Until then, all Jiraiya had to do was take whatever the man was about to tell him and use it to stall for time. Child's play for the master diplomat.

    "Sunohara?" Jiraiya asked with a confused frown that probably masked massive relief. "What could be important enough to make you come all the way here in person?"

    "They've taken Gaara," Sunohara said heavily. "We are out of time."

    -o-
    ​
    What do you do?

    Voting closes on Wednesday 3rd of April, 4 p.m. London time. Note the extended deadline.​
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    [x] Grab Sasuke and run to Snek uncle. There's no time!
     
    @Velorien

    Now that we're on a new page.

    What you could do next year is introduce an extremely helpful and competent NPC-- may I suggest a special Jounin assassin-spec kenjutsu user-- and give us absolutely no reason whatsoever to distrust them. Give them a bunch of reasons to proactively want to help us in various things, and a pile of shiny techniques that we drool over possibly getting our hands on down the line.

    Make it completely canon, and within the week we'll have killed this person out of sheer paranoia, so that will take care of itself.
     
    MMKII said:
    @Velorien

    Now that we're on a new page.

    What you could do next year is introduce an extremely helpful and competent NPC-- may I suggest a special Jounin assassin-spec kenjutsu user-- and give us absolutely no reason whatsoever to distrust them. Give them a bunch of reasons to proactively want to help us in various things, and a pile of shiny techniques that we drool over possibly getting our hands on down the line.

    Make it completely canon, and within the week we'll have killed this person out of sheer paranoia, so that will take care of itself.
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    I was actually thinking an elite jōnin infiltration-spec genjutsu user, but your loadout works too.
     
    I quite liked the reminder that while we are doing social stuff, our adoptive brother is probably being tortured, and the people who captured him and killed our adoptive grandpa are off doing whatever.
     
    Gev said:
    I quite liked the reminder that while we are doing social stuff, our adoptive brother is probably being tortured, and the people who captured him and killed our adoptive grandpa are off doing whatever.
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    Our adoptive grandfather was killed by Yagura, not Akatsuki. And I'm pretty sure he's not having a good time.
     
    Obviously Zabuza was salty because he didn't get an invite. This all could have been avoided, people!
     
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