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Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

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I'm imagining Jiraiya taking Hazou aside after this and being like "You are a goddamn bull in the china house that is international politics, you know that?"

And then Hazou gives Jiraiya a look that reminds him of Keiko, in indication as to the night Jiraiya became kage and he's like "THAT IS THE WRONG LESSON TO LEARN FROM ME"

e:

Let's be honest with ourselves, though: Jiraiya is much more in his element with chaos than any of the other kage are likely to be.
 
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After an epic battle atop a mountain as gale force winds swept around us and lightning strikes punctuated each blow, which is to say a typical QM Monday, @eaglejarl and I have determined your fates for the next couple of updates.

Voting for the coming Thursday update will close later than usual, 6 p.m. London time. The update will feature the aftermath of your match, as well as the Chōji/Hinata match in the afternoon if you are able to see it (and not, say, dead or kicked out of Mist).

The Sunday update will feature an interlude by eaglejarl. The next Thursday update will then be your meeting with Ami. By happy coincidence, this arrangement will give you nearly a full week to prepare (though it couldn't possibly merit that level of consideration, could it?).

Oh, and eaglejarl also wishes to mention that he got the description of the quarry wrong in the most recent discussion: it is, as per chapter 231, "several hundred feet on a side and thirty feet deep", not 100 feet on a side.
 
eaglejarl said:
Back in Leaf, Jiraiya talked about how Mist was up against the wall and could decide to set up a breeding program where all female ninja plus any civilian woman who had given birth to a ninja are put into a harem and all the male ninja take turns. Basically, a baby factory for ninja. The idea made Mari puke.
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You know thinking about it for a second, civvie ninja might be forced into such a program but no matter how totalitarian Mist is supposedly I have serious doubts they would be able to force this on the clans. I mean it sounds simple in theory but if you were a clan watching you mothers, sisters, cousins, daughters, etc be forced to basically act as breeding stock to add to some man's harem, you would be pretty justifiably angry right? Then the clans start talking and realizing most of them aren't really into this at all and the top brass have a problem. Even assuming the program goes off without the clan kunoichi, then it's just nowhere near as effective as it would've been. I don't believe Jiraiya was lying, but I do think he may have oversold it, or maybe we just took it more seriously than we should have, unless I'm just being that naive about the setting's society.
 
Velorien said:
After an epic battle atop a mountain as gale force winds swept around us and lightning strikes punctuated each blow, which is to say a typical QM Monday, @eaglejarl and I have determined your fates for the next couple of updates.

Voting for the coming Thursday update will close later than usual, 6 p.m. London time. The update will feature the aftermath of your match, as well as the Chōji/Hinata match in the afternoon if you are able to see it (and not, say, dead or kicked out of Mist).

The Sunday update will feature an interlude by eaglejarl. The next Thursday update will then be your meeting with Ami. By happy coincidence, this arrangement will give you nearly a full week to prepare (though it couldn't possibly merit that level of consideration, could it?).

Oh, and eaglejarl also wishes to mention that he got the description of the quarry wrong in the most recent discussion: it is, as per chapter 231, "several hundred feet on a side and thirty feet deep", not 100 feet on a side.
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*screaming in faflec*
 
Velorien said:
After an epic battle atop a mountain as gale force winds swept around us and lightning strikes punctuated each blow, which is to say a typical QM Monday, @eaglejarl and I have determined your fates for the next couple of updates.

Voting for the coming Thursday update will close later than usual, 6 p.m. London time. The update will feature the aftermath of your match, as well as the Chōji/Hinata match in the afternoon if you are able to see it (and not, say, dead or kicked out of Mist).

The Sunday update will feature an interlude by eaglejarl. The next Thursday update will then be your meeting with Ami. By happy coincidence, this arrangement will give you nearly a full week to prepare (though it couldn't possibly merit that level of consideration, could it?).

Oh, and eaglejarl also wishes to mention that he got the description of the quarry wrong in the most recent discussion: it is, as per chapter 231, "several hundred feet on a side and thirty feet deep", not 100 feet on a side.
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Wait. Are you saying that we have a chance to renegotiate our battle strategy, if voting is open?
 
To provide some more constructive analysis of the most recent update: In my mind's eye, I pictured the "Uplift debate" as, well, a bit more subtle. It started off that way, with Hazou joking around with Keiko, and that was the tone I'd assumed the whole thing would have, with Hazou moving from point to point, weaving in jokes and lighthearted anecdotes. But then, he just turned around and called out the assembled Kage of all the major villages, and I suddenly remembered who was actually writing this update. Well played, @eaglejarl.

It's fine, though. We can work with this. The point was to establish ourselves as a beacon for individuals interested in the Uplift idea, or in changing the world for the better in general, and well, I'd say what ended up happening is going to do that pretty effectively. If we're lucky, Hazou may even be approached by an Akatsuki recruiter! Exciting times ahead.
 
Velorien said:
Voting for the coming Thursday update will close later than usual, 6 p.m. London time. The update will feature the aftermath of your match, as well as the Chōji/Hinata match in the afternoon if you are able to see it (and not, say, dead or kicked out of Mist).
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Wait, what.

Does that mean EJ gave you the punching update voluntarily?

 
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Tua said:
Wait, what.

Does that mean EJ gave you the punching update voluntarily?

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No, Velorien's update will be the aftermath, with Eaglejarl supplying the punching "hopefully before Wednesday":
eaglejarl said:
XP AWARD: Will be handled in part two, hopefully to be released before Wednesday. I'm afraid I let this weekend get away from me, and I don't want to start writing the punch at 9:15pm.

There will be no voting.
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EDIT: I suppose the Chōji/Hinata match will probably contain punching & fall within Velorien's update, but we can hardly expect Eaglejarl to manage to monopolize the entire tournament's punching contents.
 
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Velorien said:
The next Thursday update will then be your meeting with Ami. By happy coincidence, this arrangement will give you nearly a full week to prepare (though it couldn't possibly merit that level of consideration, could it?).
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Oh crap! Hazou has 24 hours to prepare for a very important date!

[] Action Plan: MOOOOOM HELPPPPPPPP!!!!!!
 
So, it looks like we're looking at approximately one day to vote in a plan for the aftermath of the battle. I think it would be prudent to start drawing up stuff now so that we can copy-paste and adapt them once the chapter actually launches.

[] Protoplan: A Battle Well Lost
  • Congratulate Keiko on beating us.
    • This is her victory, no matter what anyone says.
  • Talk to Ikeda.
    • What do you think about us now?
    • Joke about Kiba.
  • Go watch Choji's match and cheer him on.
  • Celebrate Keiko's victory.
    • Try not to get drunk.
    • Invite ISC.

[] Protoplan: A Battle Well Won
  • Congratulate Keiko on fighting so well.
    • With how strong she is, we're surprised we could pull this off.
  • Talk to Ikeda.
    • What do you think about us now?
    • Joke about Kiba.
  • Go watch Choji's match and cheer him on.
  • Celebrate your victory!
    • Try not to get drunk.
    • Invite ISC.
Just a haphazard skeleton of a plan or two, use it however you like.
 
[] Protoplan: A Battle Badly Lost
  • Awaken in the medical tent.
  • Listen to the mednin apologising that they couldn't save your legs.
  • Thank them with a hollow emotionless voice.
  • Be cut off half way through by coughing up blood.
  • Nod your head when the mednin says not to talk.
  • Become dizzy from nodding your head.
  • Pass out from the dizziness.
 
MadScientist said:
[] Protoplan: A Battle Badly Lost
  • Awaken in the medical tent.
  • Listen to the mednin apologising that they couldn't save your legs.
  • Thank them with a hollow emotionless voice.
  • Be cut off half way through by coughing up blood.
  • Nod your head when the mednin says not to talk.
  • Become dizzy from nodding your head.
  • Pass out from the dizziness.
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Excellent. With our legs out of the way, my path is clear.

Plan Module Perfect Cyborg
[] Lose your legs
-[] Replace with swords
 
Since I don't actually know what is going to happen the chapter before this plan is enacted, I will just go with my Standard Velorien Set.

[] Protoplan: So That Just Happened

Word count: 309
  • Congratulate Keiko on her win
    • Why all of the Pangolins, though?
    • And the face punching after the judge called it. Doesn't she realize it is our only redeeming feature?
  • Congratulate Hiashi on his promotion to Hokage
    • Tell him that you are willing to switch sides and join his clan because you are a pro at betraying people
    • Tell Jiraiya he has no one to blame but himself for not forbidding you to speak, and to begin with, who knew armed civilians could be this dangerous?
  • Meet Ami
    • Let her take the lead but refuse to answer every x question to build up the habit of having plausible deniablity
      • x = 1d3 + how much pain you are feeling on a scale from 1 to 5
    • The food is really nice though, isn't it? Bag some for Noburi.
  • Thank Mari for sending you the letter informing that Akane died
    • Rebound with Ikeda
      • Rebound with Ino
        • Commiserate with Kiba; "Girls, am I right?"
  • Visit the Wakahisa compound
    • Don't tell Noburi or any Wakahisa in advance
    • Find his sisters, tell them to meet you at an abandoned warehouse later
      • Tell Noburi to be there
  • Bake cookies with Aunt Ren
    • Compare them with momma's and let them know who won
      • The winner gets a bunch of seals
      • The loser gets to take care of you
  • Visit the local orphanage
    • Everybody knows that that is where potential protagonists live
    • Entertain them with fireworks while keeping an eye out on any noteworthy kids
      • Check for cool looking scars, unique names and/or hair colors
        • Lure them to Leaf with the cookies you made earlier
  • Write your autobiography "If I Did It", explaining how you would have pulled off the SCK attack if you had been involved
    • You weren't though, stress that fact
  • Make your peace
    • Tell Keiko you visited Ami
      • And you might have fallen in love
 
Tua said:
It's weird if you think about it. If Shin is correct then that would mean that all of Hazou's ancestors before Shinji were Kurosawas and his mom is a descendent from the founder line. And if that constitutes as "purest" then that means there had to be dilutions from outside of the clan at some point for the other clan members, right?

Yet the line branches off even once with Shinji and somehow Hana gets kicked off? Something is super fishy.



Uhhhhhh? Funny because Hazou/us didn't notice this before or?
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The Kurosawa has always been impure. Remember, their bloodline started off as a secret romance between a Uchiha and some random Mist ninja woman.

Hana merely repeated her ancestors' actions.
 
So we're doing that now, aren't we.
[] Plan New Beginnings
-[] Leave Hazou's still breathing cadaver.
--[] In his last moments, reveal our true nature to him.
---[] Upload his consciousness into the hivemind before we leave.
-[] Allow the hivemind to possess Keiko.
--[] Say hi to Frozen Skein!
---[] Is the AC on? It's quite chilly here.
----[] Let's heat things up (activates mental explosives).

As voter(s) requested, change was made.
 
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PurposefulZephyr said:
So we're doing that now, aren't we.
[] Plan New Beginnings
-[] Leave Hazou's still breathing cadaver.
--[] In his last moments, reveal our true nature to him.
---[] Upload his consciousness into the hivemind before we leave.
-[] Allow the hivemind to possess Keiko.
--[] Say hi to Frozen Skein!
---[] Is the AC on? It's quite chilly here.
----[] Let's heat things up (activates mental explosives).
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I may vote for this plan IFF you add the changes I suggested in the quote.
 
PurposefulZephyr said:
-[] Allow the hivemind to possess Keiko.
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I happen to like Keiko but even if I didn't I wouldn't wish the hivemind on anyone but the truly reprehensible.

Yagura maybe? Would be pretty cool to share control with a tailed beast. Though for all I know it will try to influence us to nuke the world which isn't much difference from how it works right now.
 
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