Chapter 85: On Not Making Bad Choices
Hazō jerked awake with a scream of primal terror.
A fraction of a second later, Kagome leapt out of bed, kunai in hand. "I knew it! Those stinking stinkers couldn't even wait one night! You won't take me alive, you backstabbing—"
"Kagome," Noburi groaned, reluctantly stirring from his slumber. "It's not a Leaf assassination squad this time either. Hazō just had a nightmare… right?"
Hazō nodded shakily. "A report… there was a report…"
Noburi slumped back down in resignation. "A report. It would be, with you. Were there lists too?"
Hazō gazed at him with the hollow eyes of a man who had seen hell itself. "There were appendices."
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"Inoue-sensei," Hazō staggered into the kitchen the next morning, "I think I need urgent training."
Inoue-sensei looked up from her breakfast bowl of fresh fruit (for all Leaf's faults, lack of hospitality was not one of them).
"You're finally in need of my expertise as a seduction expert? That's great, but I think it should wait until we don't have Leaf watching our every move, don't you?"
Hazō didn't dignify this with a response. "I'm serious, Inoue-sensei. What happens if I can't keep it together in a crisis? You need to teach me how to act like a normal, sane person even if something's wrong with me on the inside, and you need to do it now."
Inoue-sensei's smirk vanished. "It's like that, is it?"
"I think it might be," Hazō whispered.
"Well," Inoue-sensei said slowly, "I'm glad we decided to postpone our shopping trip."
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"I'm sorry about last night, Noburi," Hazō said awkwardly.
Noburi rolled his eyes. "Seriously, though, Hazō? You're having nightmares about reports?"
Hazō's eyebrow twitched. "It really isn't funny. Did you ever finish a term at the Academy, and realise that they were about to send your family a report card that made you sound lazy and incompetent, and that it had already been written and was on its way and there was nothing you could do about it?"
"I, uh… so what's up with all the pink wallpaper in here? I mean, do these guys have weird taste or what?" Noburi began to study the ceiling, his hands clasped behind his back.
Hazō blinked. "Never mind. Noburi, there's something I wanted to talk to you about."
"What's that?"
"I know that you're going to ask for permission to visit the Leaf General Hospital and study medicine with them during our stay here. And it seems like you're developing a great specialisation there that none of the rest of us can match, and you're getting good with Water ninjutsu as well."
Noburi gave a small, casual nod, as if acknowledging the praise that was his due, but after a few seconds' struggle to keep a straight face, he finally gave in and grinned. "You know it. Wakahisa Noburi, badass jōnin extraordinaire, coming right up. Heal 'em with one hand, kill 'em with the other."
"Right," Hazō said. "So given that's the way you're choosing to specialise, I was thinking you might not have as much time for learning diplomacy from Inoue-sensei anymore. And Keiko's reaching a plateau in her combat training, and her summoning ability is something she develops in bursts… so what do you think about having her take over as our social representative on a day-to-day basis?"
Noburi's expression turned cold. "Brilliant!" he said bitingly. "Kurosawa Hazō, master planner and coordinator, strikes again! You're right, why should the people in her team be the only ones she hurts whenever she opens her mouth? It'll be exciting to see who else she can push away. With her as our diplomat, she'll get all the combat experience she needs, and I'll always have someone to practise med-nin techniques on. Capital, Hazō! Idea of the year!"
Hazō stood still, frozen in shock.
"OK, maybe that was going a bit too far," Noburi said eventually. "But Hazō, this is a damn stupid plan. Keiko doesn't get people, and she never will, and at best, maybe Inoue-sensei can teach her to pretend she does. And that's assuming Keiko's OK being taught by Inoue-sensei after what happened between them. Did you see Keiko's face when she realised they were going to be alone together in the women's bedroom last night? I almost thought she was going to run away again."
"You really think things are that bad?" Hazō asked.
"You've got to learn to pay more attention to people, Hazō," Noburi said with an exasperated sigh. "I mean, you're not as bad as she is—thank the Sage and all his disciples for that—but I swear sometimes it seems like you flat-out forget someone exists until they're part of your latest master plan.
"Why don't you go talk to her yourself? I bet you a square of Kagome's smuggled chocolate that she's going to say the same thing."
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"Keiko, can I talk to you about something?"
"Please go ahead."
"Noburi is becoming increasingly busy with his training in medical and combat ninjutsu, and I was thinking… if that's the direction he is interested in pursuing, would you be interested in taking over as the public face of the group?"
Keiko studied him for a long moment. Then, almost gently, she said, "Hazō, I believe the stress of the last few days is having a significant influence on you. I suggest you sleep some more until you are feeling fully refreshed, or if you are unable to sleep, spend time on breathing exercises and meditation until you are feeling better."
Hazō did his best not to scowl. "I was being serious, Keiko."
"So was I," she said more coolly. "Your suggestion is irrational to the point where I would not expect you to make it in a healthy frame of mind. Hazō, I find social interaction stressful and draining. You know this. You also know that my inability to satisfactorily model other people's inner states, and how my actions may change those states, is one of my greatest and most intractable weaknesses. Finally, you know that Noburi finds his social activity enjoyable and fulfilling, and would suffer if forced to surrender it on a long-term basis. It would be out of character for you to make a joke like this, or to attempt it as an exercise in cruelty, so I can only assume that your mental functions have been critically disrupted, and you are in urgent need of care which I cannot provide. If you do not feel the course of action I suggested earlier is sufficient, I advise you to seek help from Inoue-sensei, who can be trusted to handle the psychologically fragile with skill and sensitivity."
Hazō decided not to mention that he'd in effect already done this.
"Changing the subject," he said quickly, "I've been thinking about what we should ask Jiraiya for as our rewards. I know we haven't discussed it as a group yet, but I was wondering what you'd think about training to imbue your weapons with Wind chakra?"
"I was unaware of that option," Keiko said. "Is it available, and what are the implications?"
"You know how our minders are the famous Ino-Shika-Chō? Well, Inoue-sensei told us the legends—in every generation, a tactical genius who wields shadows, a master psychic, and a taijutsu expert with unparalleled body control. But we know nothing about the Sarutobi Clan's specialities, since the Hokage is said to be a well-rounded master of every kind of skill. So yesterday, after the meeting, Noburi tried to find out Sarutobi Asuma's particular specialisation through small talk. He says Sarutobi talked about his ability to enhance weapons—in his case, chakra blades—with his Wind chakra for additional speed and damage."
"A jōnin gave away tactical information about his capabilities?" Keiko said suspiciously.
"He said it was common knowledge, and Noburi thinks it was intended as a reminder not to cross his team, given how he described what happened when those blades went through a human body. Anyway, since you have Wind affinity as well, I thought perhaps we could ask Jiraiya to ask Sarutobi to train you. And maybe we could get you some chakra blades as well."
Keiko shook her head. "Hazō, given your background, your ignorance is understandable, but chakra blades are not commonly available. The materials and craftsmanship are extremely rare, and chakra blades are considered clan treasures, to be passed down from master to apprentice, or perhaps bestowed as a reward for an act of great service to the clan. Most chakra blades not in the possession of a noble clan are ones which were at some point looted from the body of a previous wielder. Few new ones are ever made, and if Jiraiya is resourceful enough to have them crafted for me, such a gift would put me in his debt for years to come.
"With that said, I trust your grasp of strategy, and if you believe that an expansion of my ranged combat capabilities would benefit the team more than anything else Jiraiya could conceivably offer, I will give the matter serious consideration. Though I will admit that today's conversation has given me cause to question your judgement in times of stress somewhat."
A thought seemed to occur to her. "Is your current dysfunction caused by concern over Akane's welfare? I realise that there is nothing I can say that will change the present situation, and I doubt I could find the right words to aid you in coping with it… but if you merely require a willing listener to express your feelings to, please do not hesitate to make use of me."
Maybe Hazō would. What happened in that dream—the fact that something had made him have that dream—was a hint that he might not be as stable as he thought he was. He needed to make a list of every possible coping mechanism, and analyse them until he came up with the right strategy for dealing with this crisis. There was a very real chance he could lose Akane, and if that happened… would he be able to remain himself?
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You have spent a bunch of XP.
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The training plans that won during the Vote of Tragedy have now been implemented as follows:
Training Hazou: Advanced Flowcharts has been implemented in full.
Training Keiko: Inheritor of Talky has been rejected by NPC agency.
Training Noburi: Field Medic Extraordinaire cannot be implemented at present since it relies on you a) successfully negotiating access to Leaf General Hospital in-character and b) not subsequently doing something to get yourself barred again and/or kicked out of Leaf in the immediate future. If these conditions are successfully fulfilled, the plan will be implemented, subject to the "re-vote based on new information" option.
Jutsu Hazou: Whack-a-Mole Madness and Keiko Reward: Chakra blades and/or training to empower weapons with wind nature chakra are currently locked in as your requests to Jiraiya, subject to any changes that may occur between now and when you next speak to him.
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The next update will be based on Action Plan: Whose Leaf Does Not Wither.
