Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

eaglejarl · Jan 17, 2022

faflec said:
And, as appropriate, do other required activities like Dog pushups/patrol and clan work? I know it's a waste of word count but we seem to have the excess?

You're done with Dog pushups.

ContextBot said:
I guess 10 days is good enough [for delivering a plan to Asuma]

You were an advisor to Shikamaru. He's the head of the war council and it's his responsibility to bring plans to the Hokage in a timely way. Assume that it got done in the background. If you want to put together a recommendation and vote it in separate from the plan, that's fine. Please tag it like so:

[] (OtterRec) <people's names or descriptions>

If you want to include more explanatory detail below, that's fine but it won't be considered normative.

eaglejarl · Jan 17, 2022

Veedrac said:
I'm just trying to do that thing where after one makes a big mistake, aka. me thinking the plan was OK, one checks one's assumptions to try to figure out where they went wrong, and fixes them to be better generators of true answers in the future. In this case, it seems like the thing I predicted worst was that we could reliably spot a dragon from miles away, as big vultures can already be seen from that distance and dragons are bigger. (I'm trying and failing to not sound prescriptive about my beliefs here, so to be explicit, I'm trying not to be prescriptive about my beliefs here.)

Basically, if you can see a Dragon then the Dragon can probably see you.

Oneiros · Jan 17, 2022

[X] OtterRec: Uplift
Hazō
Kei
Yuno/Akane

Veedrac · Jan 17, 2022

eaglejarl said:
Basically, if you can see a Dragon then the Dragon can probably see you.

I wasn't surprised about that! I just thought they'd be more rounds away when it happened.

faflec said:
Alright, 85km distance with 20m/Zone means we need to cross 4250 Zones total. At level 1, Hazou's Tunneling Excavation lasts 1 minute and lets him cross 1 Zone/Round. Rounds last 3 seconds, so this means Hazou can make 20 Zones/casting of Tunneling Excavation. This means Hazou must cast Tunneling Excavation 212.5 times (we'll round to 213 casts). Tunneling Excavation costs 26CP per cast, meaning Hazou must spend 5538CP total.

Wow that jutsu's kinda nuts. We should offer Asuma to get Leaf some strategic tunnels. I might suggest hiring pangolins who could do it better, but screw the pangolins.

Ipsos Custodes · Jan 17, 2022

Shrooms said:
[X] Action Plan: Hope for the Best, Plan for the Worst
Word Count: 298

Nara

Discuss Otter/Sand strategy with war advisors.

Sand False Flag Operation:

Hazou thinks it's a bad idea.

If ploy fails, Sand might join Rock instead. Additionally, we're weakening a weak ally further.

Instead of committing false flag against Sand, try performing false flag against Rock, posing as Sand?

If ploy fails, operation is still valuable because it weakens our enemies. If successful, we can retreat into Wind Country to bait Rock into invading.

There's less risk of turning an ally against ourselves.

Preferably, no false flag at all. Jutsu and clan techniques are distinctive and would identify us as Leaf. Similarly, it's challenging imitating another village's signature abilities. To get Sand to deploy, we could offer food deals or money. The Scroll, even.

Otter Hunters - Stealth Option

Necessary roles (some may overlap):

Two Combat Specs.

Suggestions: Yuno, Akane, a Summoner like Kei or Ruri

Social Spec/Infiltrator, for coaxing info from locals without giving away ninja-ness.

Suggestions: Mari, Yamanaka

Tracker/Scout/Anti-Ambush, for locating the Scroll and any useful locations our intel gives us.

Suggestions: Hazou (if he can acquire Summons), Inuzuka

Hyuuga or Sasuke for detecting the Scroll's chakra signature.

Suggestions: Neji, Motokazu, Sasuke

A Summoner.

Suggestions: Hazou, Kei, Neji, Ruri

Possible concerns:

Inuzuka dogs, Hyuuga eyes, Aburame glasses, Summon Scrolls are all distinctive. Perhaps team could be granted ANBU masks to hide byakugan?

Additionally:

Hazou or Mari should stay to help run Goketsu, don't send both.

Mission Outline

Travel to Summoner's last known location.

Retrace his journey north.

Collect local intel.

Locate Scroll.

Ruri

Optimize with Mari, Shikamaru, Asuma (if Shikamaru approves)

Pass on Kei's messages.

Subtext: Pangolins visiting Condor is a trap for Condor resistance and their informants may be compromised/fed false info. They can't know Kei passed it along.

@eaglejarl (I'm sorry to ask a question since you're low on spoons and sound like you're having a rough time (anything us internet strangers can do to help?)) and @Velorien can a plan like the above take place during the preceding 8 days?

We'd have told Mari about the Asuma meeting and she'd have told us to get the plan(s) submitted "within the week" and definitely would have told us to get moving on it if we were doing sealing research instead.

Neither of these are very time intensive scenes, and we only made progress on the seal rather than completed it, so making slightly less indeterminate progress to have spent a few hours on these conversations wouldn't seem crazy or causality breaking.

Edit: already answered!

eaglejarl said:
You were an advisor to Shikamaru. He's the head of the war council and it's his responsibility to bring plans to the Hokage in a timely way. Assume that it got done in the background. If you want to put together a recommendation and vote it in separate from the plan, that's fine. Please tag it like so:

[] (OtterRec) <people's names or descriptions>

If you want to include more explanatory detail below, that's fine but it won't be considered normative.

eaglejarl · Jan 17, 2022

Ipsos Custodes said:
@eaglejarl (I'm sorry to ask a question since you're low on spoons and sound like you're having a rough time (anything us internet strangers can do to help?)) and @Velorien can a plan like the above take place during the preceding 8 days?

We'd have told Mari about the Asuma meeting and she'd have told us to get the plan(s) submitted "within the week" and definitely would have told us to get moving on it if we were doing sealing research instead.

Neither of these are very time intensive scenes, and we only made progress on the seal rather than completed it, so making slightly less indeterminate progress to have spent a few hours on these conversations wouldn't seem crazy or causality breaking.

Thank you for the concern, it is appreciated.

Those all sound like lovely things to put in an offscreen summary.

Ipsos Custodes · Jan 17, 2022

[X] (OtterRec) Hazou, Condor Summoner, a Hyuuga, an Aburame, and an Earth ninjutsu specialist.

Hazou and Earth ninjutsu specialist to best masquerade as Earth ninja (the entire point of the false flag), Condor Summoner, Hyuuga, Aburame, and Hazou's tracker dog summons for identifying Sand ninja at a distance and avoiding them until it's precisely the fight they want to pick/be seen by and reasonably expect to escape (for the false flag), and Hazou, Hyuuga, and Aburame(?) to help locate the Scroll.

Edit: this also has the added bonus of keeping us in close contact with what's going on with the Condors and potentially able to give advice/help to resolve the situation if Kei/Pangolins are attacked, and otherwise build a relationship with Ruri. She can't just disappear in the middle of a mission on foreign soil while masquerading as a third nation without some explanation/permission from the team leader, who might be Hazou since he has experience finding Scrolls and being a missing nin for years without being caught.

MrRobot · Jan 17, 2022

Hazou's is already a summoner, and a dog can be inconspicuous just show them how mundane dogs act (retarded for dog standarts) and let them track. Tanks for ~~@eaglejarl on a funny hat~~ Jashin-sama, we know the general are of the scroll.

Kiba · Jan 17, 2022

I prefer not to send Hazo on a mission so that we can maximize the amount of research we can do on strategic weapons and enhancing the survivability of Goketsu ninja not being sent on the Otter mission.

MrRobot · Jan 17, 2022

Kiba said:
I prefer not to send Hazo on a mission so that we can maximize the amount of research we can do on strategic weapons and enhancing the survivability of Goketsu ninja not being sent on the Otter mission.

Then we can send the condor summoner and a earth spec jounin and give them the general area and for Jasin sake someone cover the hyuga cheating eyeballs.

Ipsos Custodes · Jan 17, 2022

Kiba said:
I prefer not to send Hazo on a mission so that we can maximize the amount of research we can do on strategic weapons and enhancing the survivability of Goketsu ninja not being sent on the Otter mission.

I definitely get that, but Hazou needs to build credit with Asuma/Leaf in general that he will put himself out the line for missions, it's a fairly safe mission as such things go, lighthousing isn't fun for the QMs, Hazou wants to stretch his legs and go on a mission after his long recuperation, and having Earth type chakra is rare in Leaf so having two earth ninjutsu users on a team will really sell that they're from Earth. Hiding Like a Mole is also great for escaping after being seen in an unquestionably Earth ninja type of way.

faflec · Jan 17, 2022

eaglejarl said:
You made a new Great Seal replica. We'll deal with the details later.

@eaglejarl @Velorien When you have the time, could you also let us know what the other sealmasters think our next steps should be (especially in regards to how to fix the cracked base)?

Kiba · Jan 17, 2022

Ipsos Custodes said:
I definitely get that, but Hazou needs to build credit with Asuma/Leaf in general that he will put himself out the line for missions, it's a fairly safe mission as such things go, lighthousing isn't fun for the QMs, Hazou wants to stretch his legs and go on a mission after his long recuperation, and having Earth type chakra is rare in Leaf so having two earth ninjutsu users on a team will really sell that they're from Earth. Hiding Like a Mole is also great for escaping after being seen in an unquestionably Earth ninja type of way.

Sealcrafting at this point is not lighthousing. We are going to have to run the risk of dying in doing new things that never had been done before.

Plus, the Goketsu are already putting themselves on the line on missions.

ClawClawBite · Jan 17, 2022

If we need a vacation/mental health day, going to visit the sky slider team for a day with our air related seals to see if the sky spirits like them or not, and or finding someone with some fire Justu to play with may be a nice way to make some lists and low stakes plans.

Ipsos Custodes · Jan 17, 2022

Kiba said:
Goketsu are already putting themselves on the line on missions

But Hazou in particular? Eagle made it a point to emphasize the positive way Asuma reacted when Hazou mentioned the possibility of going the Otter mission.

Rafin · Jan 17, 2022

eaglejarl said:
I'm going to give you a break and do them in the opposite order, since investigating monstrosities from beyond time and space while you're still suffering -16 on your Alertness is, frankly, dumb.

Wouldn't this also be something that Mari would have caught? "Check with Mari" was at the top of the plan after all.

Kiba · Jan 17, 2022

Ipsos Custodes said:
But Hazou in particular? Eagle made it a point to emphasize the positive way Asuma reacted when Hazou mentioned the possibility of going the Otter mission.

I didn't see Asuma wanting to risk Hazo on a clearly suboptimal arrangement, unless he deemed Hazo the best man for the job.

From a kage's perspective, I want Hazo to stay home researching the latest new weapons or otherwise further enhancing the survivability of my ninja.

eaglejarl · Jan 17, 2022

Rafin said:
Wouldn't this also be something that Mari would have caught? "Check with Mari" was at the top of the plan after all.

Whatever. It all worked out.

eaglejarl · Jan 17, 2022

faflec said:
@eaglejarl @Velorien When you have the time, could you also let us know what the other sealmasters think our next steps should be (especially in regards to how to fix the cracked base)?

They still can't make heads or tails of the thing except at the most basic level and have no idea what to do.

ContextBot · Jan 17, 2022

Just give Sand the damn scroll. They get to be part of the trading network, get water and whatever else the Otters have.

Cannai and Enma were able to help a starving Leaf, so I am sure with some brains all "allied" nations can fix most of their problems that aren't just dumb power grabs.

We can walk into Sand, tell them what we know and work together until we find the scroll. It's really that simple, meanwhile we could continue searching for one of the other scrolls or just do whatever.

It was also specifically pointed out that the Otters get their metal from Toads/Jiraiya, I am sure Sand can supply them alone.

Sand gets:

Water and Food
Trade
Scroll

If they get uptity in the next ten years, there is always more land for the Holy Pangolin Empire (sponsored by Goketsu Industiries) to conquer.

And if the Otters fuck up the Pangolins? Oh no, Condor revolution.

Never forget the 34. Rule of Acquisition: "War is good for business".

Inferno Vulpix · Jan 17, 2022

I'm sad about Canaut. Do summon clans even go to the same afterlife as humans? I want to necromancy him.

ContextBot · Jan 17, 2022

Inferno Vulpix said:
I'm sad about Canaut. Do summon clans even go to the same afterlife as humans? I want to necromancy him.

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."

― Will Rogers

Kiba · Jan 17, 2022

Right. Why the fuck are sneaking around when we could join force together and find the damn scroll?

Oneiros · Jan 17, 2022

ContextBot said:
Just give Sand the damn scroll. They get to be part of the trading network, get water and whatever else the Otters have.

Personally I don't trust Leaf to be able to make sure that people they grant priceless power ups to will stay allied to them. I mean look how bad it worked out for the First Hokage

Paperclipped · Jan 17, 2022

eaglejarl said:
"You're the Summoner, huh?" Canaut said, eyeing Hazō. "I thought you'd be taller."

"I get that a lot."

Canaut's jaw dropped open and his tongue lolled in amusement. He was one of the largest breeds that Hazō had met thus far, with thick legs, a short, wide head and droopy facial folds that made him look like a disapproving schoolmaster. His fur was close to his body, mostly white with large tan panels across his sides and tail.

eaglejarl said:
Canaut is calm and probably a bit thick, but he works well with you now that he's seen you know what you're doing in terms of wildnerness safety. He has made some useful suggestions which you accepted.

eaglejarl said:
Bear Clan honey mead tasted sweet without a hint of alcohol but it kicked like an entire team of steelbacks. Still, if one rummaged around hard enough in search of a silver lining, Hazō now had an entire repertoire of drunken speech and motion tucked away in the Iron Nerve. There was probably some that he didn't remember having—for example, Canaut had laughed at him the next morning for 'that weird upside-down dance you did with the sleuth chief', but Hazō had no idea what that meant.

eaglejarl said:
Your Saint Bernard friend does crowd control and support with Plant element jutsu that can be used to animate and control plants with a 2-zone range for barrier construction and entangles. He's got a high-damage ranged jutsu that consists of nearby plant life growing into the target and tearing it apart from the inside. Massive damage but it operates slowly, over the course of several rounds, so he needs to land the entangle first. (It works great on buildings and other obstacles too.) He's got enough melee that he doesn't fold up to the first punch but he's definitely not a front-liner.

eaglejarl said:
"Dog Clan Technique: The Pound of the Ground!"

Chakra boiled from Canaut, expanding in a burning red sphere. The sun-yellow tall grass that surrounded them went wild, bending to curl around the attacking lynxes. Three were caught, lifted, and slammed into the ground on the right, then flipped and slammed into the ground on the left. Another two twisted away from the first attack and clawed the stalks off at the base...only to be caught moments later by three more stalks each. The cats shrieked as the plants' grip tightened, pulled, and sent their dismembered bodies flying in all directions. Hazō threw up an arm just in time to block the fountain of gore that Cangue took right in the snoot. The top half of a lynx slammed into Canaut, knocking him over and allowing the trailing intestines to drape across Canabisu who had been sheltering under him as the rest of the team fought to keep the attackers away from their aged mission leader and the support jutsu specialist.

eaglejarl said:
"It's a seal that generates a giant fireball," Hazō explained as a box full of strappy mesh cylinders fell out of a seal. "All of you, gather around. We need to get these on you." He held up one of the devices and its purpose was revealed: A muzzle that would slip over a dog's snoot and be secured with a strap over the head.

Canaut growled. "You are not putting that thing on me."

eaglejarl said:
Jogging at ninja speed with the poorly-fitting wooden masks started off uncomfortable and rapidly turned into misery. The rims were padded with fleece but it wasn't thick enough and soon the entire group had blisters wearing into their cheeks. Cantelabra whined, Cangue complained, and Canaut grumbled quietly. All of them fell silent when Canabisu cleared his throat. Granted, they started again ten minutes later.

eaglejarl said:
"Earth Element: Tunnel Excavation Technique." A horizontal shaft branched off from the hole, opening up space for everyone to sort themselves out.

"That was cool! Can we do it again? Please please pretty please with fish guts on top?"

"Hush, pup," Canaut grunted, moving into the new tunnel so that he could get away from the others. He moved a little farther down to make room for Cangue. Hazō couldn't help but notice that Canaut was trying to conceal the fact that he was keeping his weight off his right front paw.

eaglejarl said:
"By now they should be bleeding from their ears. If they don't get away from the seal they'll be deaf in a minute. Give it a couple more minutes and their brains might liquefy."

Heads cocked in surprise.

"I thought it was just to deafen them?" Canaut said.

eaglejarl said:
"It's fine," Cangue said. "Which direction?"

Hazō pointed and Cangue reared up on her hind legs. Her front paws blurred, scraping through the wall with little effort. The others shielded their faces as a fountain of dirt shot out and sprayed across them.

"Cangue! A little warning!" Canaut said.

eaglejarl said:
"Ow, ow, ow, hot!" Cantelabra said, dancing around until Hazō unsealed the components of a wooden skytower platform for him to stand on. The other dogs hadn't complained but they were quick enough to step up on the wood, as was Hazō. His sandals protected him better than the dogs' pads did but it was still uncomfortable and a show of solidarity seemed like a good political move.

"Well, at least it will be harder to ambush us," Canabisu said, clearly trying to find a bright side.

"Not going to be any hunting," Canaut noted.

eaglejarl said:
"What?" the elder dog said defensively. "I told you it was the good stuff. My own recipe, plus the fleth oil in the meat gives better uptake as well as canceling out the tang that you said you don't like."

"Wha's a fleth?" Hazō asked. It was a funny word. 'Fleth.' It sounded weird in the mouth. Or maybe that was his tongue. For some reason it was tingling.

"It's a small animal," Canaut said, tongue lolling out in amusement. "Furry little things. Quick, very tasty. They have a musk that can be extracted and makes a good seasoning."

eaglejarl said:
"You're funny, Uncle Hazō!" The little pup's face was blocking the Akane cloud, and his tongue was lolling out. There was a little drop of doggy spit hanging off the end and it was catching the light in a really neat way. "And your breath smells weird!" He leaned down and gave Hazō a slobbery licking.

"Gack! Cold!" The light breeze was making his cheek chilly where Cantelabra had slurped him.

"Leave him alone," Canaut said. "He's going to have to ride it out."

"Nooo," Hazō mumbled, stroking his hands through Cantelabra's fur. "Stay. Soft. Fuzzy."

"See! I'm fuzzy! And I'm staying!" Cantelabra stuck his tongue out at Canaut and then plopped down on Hazō's chest.

eaglejarl said:
"Yeah," Hazō said, pushing the blanket back so he could sit up and stretch. Cantelabra had wandered off at some point. "Wow. Sorry, I guess I dozed off. How long was I asleep?"

Cangue and Canaut exchanged looks and sniggered.

"A few hours, but who's counting?" Canabisu asked glibly. "But you feel better, right?"

"A few hours?" Canaut muttered, clearly holding off laughter by the ends of his toenails.

eaglejarl said:
"It's not the chafing, it's the lack of scent," Canabisu said. "At least, I suspect so."

"Yup," Canaut said. The giant dog was quiet and rarely used more words than necessary, but he'd become outright laconic lately and Hazō was worried.

eaglejarl said:
Cantelabra was sandwiched between Cangue and Canaut and the larger dog had a paw in front of the puppy to prevent him getting close to the edge. The younger dog was visibly unhappy about this but had managed to squinch himself enough to see around the paw.

eaglejarl said:
"I suppose it is." He stood up and stepped to the edge so that he could look down.

"The fires went out," Canaut noted. "We'll want to watch out for ambushes again."

Hazō tossed a trio of wooden disks off the platform. Several seconds later they touched the ground and bloomed into tiny red sparks which rapidly spread across the tall, dry grasses.

eaglejarl said:
"What's that in the water?" Canaut asked, gesturing with his chin.

Hazō looked where the dog was pointing and frowned. What he had assumed to be chop, or perhaps some barely-submerged obstacle, was moving slowly. There were multiple patches like that, scattered over an area a hundred yards long and thirty or forty wide. Whatever was down there was either absolutely enormous or there were a lot of them.

"Would one of you who have the eyes of youth tell me what that brown smudge on the opposite bank is?" Canabisu asked.

Hazō looked where Canabisu indicated but couldn't make it out.

"That," Canaut said, "is a spider. And it's at least as big as the Alpha."

eaglejarl said:
"I am not comfortable attempting to walk across that water without knowing what's causing the disturbance," Canabisu said.

"It could just be some underwater rocks...?" Cangue didn't sound like she believed her own theory.

"We could go up on one of those skytowers and stair-step down to the other side," Canaut offered.

"I'd prefer not to," Hazō said. "I'm authorized to use skytowers, but they've already had a bad effect on the Seventh Path. The spider on the other side would see us and I'd rather not spread the knowledge of them wider than necessary. Especially not the part about using them to traverse horizontally."

Canaut snorted. "It's not like it isn't obvious that you can do that with them."

"You'd be surprised," Hazō said, "at just how bad people are at figuring out nonstandard ways to use seals and jutsu...well, and basically anything."

Canaut snorted . "Maybe among you humans, but here on the Seventh Path we aren't so stupid."

eaglejarl said:
Hazō grinned. "Nope. Just making a hopefully positive first contact and getting them to talk to us. And I'm not going to do anything except get them to come up and talk. I am absolutely onboard with you doing all the negotiating."

The tiny dog eyed him slantwise for a long few seconds. "Okay, dude. You do your thing. We'll back off. C'mon, guys."

"Sir," Canaut said. "I question whether this is a good idea."

"Decision's made, man. Let's go." He sauntered off, not waiting for the others to follow...which, of course, meant that they had no choice but to scramble along behind him.

Hazō watched long enough to be sure that Canaut and Cangue had spread out into appropriate protection positions and was satisfied to see that they had. The two knew their business.

eaglejarl said:
Hazō sighed. He turned and waved to the dogs to return.

"No joy?" Canaut asked as they sauntered up.

"Not sure. Hopefully we'll see in a moment."

Ten eyes turned to the water.

Long seconds passed and then eight eyes rose from the water. All of them attached to one creature.

"Eeeeyugh!" Canaut moaned, shrinking back. "What...what is...?" He pointed with one trembling paw.

eaglejarl said:
The spider cocked its abdomen slightly to the side and Hazō found himself thinking that it was very hard to tell at what or whom something with eight eyes was looking. "Now that I think about it, 'exploded' really wrong term was. My mistake. Moving on, is fascinating to meet you. Very few mammals in our lands."

"We aren't in your lands," Canaut pointed out, barely managing to contain the revulsion in his voice. "This is Cat Clan territory."

eaglejarl said:
Canabisu took a deep breath and nodded his head, clearly recognizing a foregone conclusion when it stared at him with far too many blood-red eyes. "Thank you, Your Majesty. Hazō, be careful." He gave Hazō a gimlet eye, then bowed to Kumokōgō. "Come, everyone." He turned and sauntered out, the others trailing behind. Cangue muttered angrily the whole way while Canaut walked stolidly, looking neither left nor right, and Cantelabra cowered next to him, practically glued to the bigger dog's ankles. The poor puppy's head swiveled left and right so fast that Hazō worried his neck might snap as he tried to keep an eye on all the spiders at the same time.

A collection of all Canaut's appearances in the story.

Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

In doubt there's always the Sun!

In doubt there's always the Sun!

Mad Engineering!