Noumero
Omit Needless Words
I'm sure Oro is not going to let that happen to some of us. I wonder how speyeders taste like?
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Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
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- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard open voting
- Location
- Yes.
LIke speyeders, most likely.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Kenta and Yukari are Akane's parents though aren't they? Which frankly makes it even less likely the yaks hurt them, imo
Interlude: Chosen for the Grave, Part 22
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Interlude: Chosen for the Grave, Part 22
The self-named Honeypot Honeys (more properly known as the three senior operatives of Leaf's Infiltration and Seduction department) had a standing meeting for drinks and darts on Thursdays down at the Soggy Tag, so long as all three of them were in town. The Tag's owner had long since noticed that whenever the Honeys were meeting the bar was packed to the rafters, mostly by male genin who were too distracted to count how many drinks they had or remember that they hadn't ordered the platter of gyoza that was now on their table and on their bill. His gratitude knew few bounds and the Honeys always drank free. He had also roped off a section of the bar so that they could have some empty space around themselves. Sometimes they gratefully accepted, sometimes they took the rope down and played prestige games between themselves, scoring points based on the eyelines of the audience. Tonight was a 'rope very much up' night; all three of them were frustrated and looking to relax in the company of their peers instead of slumming it with normies.
"He's cute, but sometimes I want to stab him," Arisa said.
"Drink, drink, drink!" Sachie and Kaya chanted.
"Oh, come on! I didn't say I wanted to kill him! Stabbing isn't the same as killing!"
Kaya turned to Sachie, a serious expression on her face and formality in her tone. "Judge, how do you rule?"
"Hm..." Sachie, the eldest of the three, made a show of thinking carefully. While she did she pulled her honey-blonde hair over one shoulder and combed her fingers through it. She still had some bed-head and that wasn't the image she wanted to project right now.
"After careful consideration, the court rules that the accused is required to drink," she pompously announced.
Arisa grumbled but she selected one of the identical cups of sake from the center of the table, slammed it back, and put the cup on the table upside down in front of herself. It joined the two others that had already taken up residence from earlier in the conversation.
"Why stabbing?" Sachie asked, nibbling on her fifth dumpling. She had a metabolism like a blast furnace (a nifty simile that she had gotten from her
"Oh, he is. Total peach."
"Then what's the problem? He won't share?"
Arisa snorted. "No, that's the problem! He shares. Sage, does he share. He's so open and earnest it all comes pouring right out. Absolute gold, too—medical information, technology, economics. The man's a treasure trove. Except he won't slow down! I drop one leading word and this torrent of helpfulness comes pouring out, faster than I can get it all straight. By the time I manage to circle back and clarify one thing, three others have gotten lost. It's infuriating."
The other two laughed and, with the ease of long experience, did not acknowledge the way the dozen closest heads snapped around to see what might have been the source of their amusement.
Being aware of the attention of others without acknowledging it had been one of the harder parts of the training for Sachie. I&S was a demanding field that other ninja tended to dismiss as straightforward—after all, how hard could it be to put on some nice clothes and make doe eyes? Any pretty woman should be able to do I&S, right? Or handsome man, for that matter. It was an easy billet if you didn't want to suffer the risk of the field.
What people failed to notice was that being attractive could be a disadvantage during the Infiltration part of the mission. People tended to pay attention to attractive people, which was a problem when you were trying to sneak in somewhere you weren't allowed to be. Also, the Seduction part of the name did not in fact mean 'getting someone to sleep with you.' (A task which itself was far more challenging than most gave credit for!) That part of the job was called Seduction because your fellow ninja liked working with Seduction experts and did not like working with Manipulation experts, no matter that the name would have been more appropriate for the job. In truth I&S was the single most complicated and challenging discipline a ninja could go into short of sealing or (maybe) technique hacking.
On top of that, the life expectancy of field ninja meant that they tended to have a 'party it up and live for the moment' attitude when they weren't in the field. Attractive female ninja got propositioned at exhausting rates and declining needed to be done carefully since you didn't know who your backup was going to be on your next mission. Getting sussed out by your target made it a bad day, but if the person tasked with helping you escape after the target sussed you out was a jilted anger bomb...well, that was a recipe for a really bad day.
All of which meant that I&S ninja calculated their every move and every reaction, all the time, and were constantly aware of the quantity and quality of the attention they were receiving from those around them. Boisterous laughter attracted notice; being seen to notice that you had been noticed was a good way to draw someone to approach you. The Honeys weren't looking to be approached right now—that was for after the drinks and commiserations—so all three of them were enforcing their solitude through a mixture of focused eye contact (with each other), gestural emblems (to the audience), and personal spacing. (They had agreed during one of the earliest meetups that the use of auras to attract or dismiss attention was cheating, even if they were used at such a low level that the audience didn't consciously notice. This, of course, opened up a new competition between the three of them to see who could slip a bit of aura application past the other two.)
"What about you, Sachie?" Arisa asked. "How are things with Val?"
The blonde snorted. Her hair was now untangled so she tossed it over her shoulder and started plaiting it into a 'French braid', a style she had become quite fond of that was one more reason to appreciate the presence of the outworlders.
"Fine. He isn't ready for a move-in yet but he spends most of every day in the library and he's nearly always up to chat." She smiled. "For that matter, all I have to do is pester him for more stories about his girlfriends and he'll talk for hours. He gets this look when he remembers them—slightly goofy-in-love, slightly wistful that they aren't here."
"Is it a 61-A or a 61-B look?" Sachie asked.
"Not even. More of a 60-C with nasalis engagement."
"Oooh," the other two said, sipping at their fruit drinks.
"I love it when guys get that look," Arisa said, fiddling absent-mindedly with the little paper umbrella in hers, spinning it between thumb and forefinger. The umbrellas and the drinks they went in ('virgin daiquiris') were yet another Outsider invention. "So many options."
"I know, right?" Kaya sighed. "I wish to the Sage that Earl had someone he was 60-C'ing over. Or that he would get over this ageist bullshit. He won't take me to bed because I'm 'too young', and he doesn't have a romantic connection to tap. I'm actually having to learn his stupid sword forms to engage with him."
"Oh, yuck," Sachie said, pausing in the braiding to offer a consoling touch on the hand. "Seriously? Swords?" Taijutsu was a good investment for an I&S specialist; it kept the body fit and supple and gave you a chance to fight your way out of an engagement when you had been literally stripped of all equipment. Knives were a reasonable alternative, since they were easy to conceal and it usually wasn't too hard to put your hands on something sharp. Swords? Too long and heavy to conceal under clothing and only the best could stand up to ninja combat in the first place. Every moment spent studying swords was a moment not spent studying something useful.
"I know, right?" Kaya slurped her daiquiri a little too quickly and made a moue when the brain freeze hit. "I'll give him this: He's really good at it. If he ever manages to get into shape he'll be able to survive combat for long enough that his escort could get to him."
"I still can't believe how fat they are," Sachie complained.
"Criticizing the targets!" Arisa said triumphantly. "Drink! Drink! Drink!" Kaya joined in on the second beat.
"That wasn't criticizing! It was a statement of f—oh, fine. Whatever." Sachie took a sake and slammed it, plomping the upside down cup on the table in front of herself. The night was yet young and there was only one other to keep it company.
"They aren't actually fat," Arisa said. "Not for their world, anyway. Remember what Lord Jiraiya said: In their world they don't let anyone join the—"
"—military until the age of eighteen, and therefore it is important that operatives not assume the existence of personality traits that would typically be associated with an indolent body type," the others chorused.
"Talking down, drink!" Kaya said, grinning at her compatriot. I&S ninja prided themselves on their memories and ability to synthesize facts. Telling one of them something she already knew was a crime worthy of being forced to imbibe.
Arisa stuck her tongue out at them but slammed a drink.
"Best intel?" Kaya asked. "Losers drink." She slurped on her daiquiri.
"A jutsu that controls bats," Sachie said. "And another one that gets them to cast a genjutsu. Both non-elemental."
"No way!" Kaya objected. "Bats can't cast genjutsu."
"They can with this jutsu," Sachie smirked. "It's called 'Bat Controlling: Ultrasonic Mind Waves'. Apparently it makes the bats squeak at such a high pitch that people can't hear it, but it messes with the target's head."
"Pfah," Kaya said, waving in grand dismissal. "Take your bogus jutsu and step off to the low-rent district. I got Earl to start working on a seal-based 'computer', which is a machine that thinks for you. It's like having your own Nara in a box that you carry around all the time."
Arisa frowned. "A machine that thinks for you? What does that even mean?"
Kaya paused, considering, and then shook her head. "I'm can-of-worms-ing that. There's too much behind it. Suffice it to say that when Lord Jiraiya heard about it he cleared his schedule so that he could work with Earl on it. For three solid days now."
Sachie and Arisa oooohed. Without protest they both picked up a cup of sake; Sachie slammed hers too quickly to stop when Arisa did. The younger woman smirked at her senior for having tricked her into drinking unnecessarily.
"I've got you both beat," Arisa said.
"Oh, puh-leeze!" Kaya objected. "What could you possibly have that would beat Lord Jiraiya dropping everything to investigate it?"
"Something that made Lady Tsunade drop everything."
Blink. "No friggin' way. You are so full of crap."
"Swear to the Sage. Not only herself but she's got the hospital on a skeleton crew so that every available doctor can study this. See, Oli claims that diseases are actually caused by animals so tiny you can't see them, and you can prevent sickness by killing the animals before they get into a person."
"That can't be right," Sachie said. "Maybe in their world, but everyone knows that it's spirits in this one."
Arisa shrugged. "Lady Tsunade is over the moon about it."
Sachie and Kaya both nodded in a 'that settles that' way. They each slammed a drink and put the fallen soldier facedown in front of themselves.
"Enough of this!" Sachie said, pushing herself to her feet. "Enough boozing and nattering! Time for dancing!"
Author's Note: Voting remains closed.
This is in Threadmarks for now so it's easy for people to find. It will move to Sidestory later.
- Location
- The Maple Syrup Mountains
Remember, canny members of the hivemind, that what's true in the non-canonical Chosen for the Grave does not necessarily extrapolate to Marked for Death. Indeed, if anything we should be wary of EJ deliberately making bits of CftG different from MfD just to keep our epistemic hygiene sharp.
Nice chapter, EJ! Chosen for the Grave is always a breath of fresh air, a world where it's just easy to start making cool things and starting Uplift.
Nice chapter, EJ! Chosen for the Grave is always a breath of fresh air, a world where it's just easy to start making cool things and starting Uplift.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
something something don't count your chakra chickens before they explode
I expect the raid to be successful. I'm less sure that the Scroll will be recovered successfully, if it's buried under a bunch of rubble or something... If it is successfully retrieved though, I think the odds are good Asuma will let us keep it, given that Kagome is still the most qualified Sealmaster in Leaf that doesn't already own a Scroll
- Location
- Yes.
WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
- Location
- The Soviet Republic of Canuckistan
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Honestly it wouldn't shock me if Kagome simply proved too sensible to sign a scroll. I don't think it's likely, but I give it one in ten odds that he gets partway through the training, declares that there's no dances powerful enough to make this a safe process, and suggests we give it to a Hagomoro or someone else we don't like very much because it's clearly just a matter of time until it all goes terribly wrong.
Like you said, one-in-ten odds, but I suspect that it's safe to say that Kagome likes the way you think.
I believe the saying is "don't count your chakra chickens before they burst out of their host"
MrRobot
In doubt there's always the Sun!
Nah chakra chickens are born from the hell rift on the ashura phat. The ones that burst of their host are chakra geese.
It's indestructible and not very dense. Just turn the target area into boiling glass and let it float to the surface.
Oh hell, you just made my spine shudder by forcing me to contemplate the concept of chakra waterfowl. I'll stick to the twenty-ton spider thankyouverymuch.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I feel as though we should not trivialize this part of the process. Are we supposed to create like 100,000 storage seals or more and fill all of them with molten glass, and then dump them out one at a time? Or are you suggesting we have a seal that turns a target location into glass?
Imagine a Deinonychus, miniaturize it, make it fly, triple the aggression, it hunts in packs. That's a chakra goose.
Nah fam, we just multiply our scribing speed by writing with each finger and toe. Then we turn them upside down to activate them all at once. Boom, problem solved.
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- Location
- The Soviet Republic of Canuckistan
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I wonder if Sasori can scribe seals with puppets.
Identity matters in Sealing so.....maybe? Essies are scary. I'd say no way a regular puppet user does it
Nobody listens...
This. Exactly this. Flying dinosaur rapists. Corvids are capable of being much scarier, but those sociopathic bastards also tend to mind their own business unless provoked. Waterfowl are just flat-out assholes. That disheveled drunk out back of the bar waving a broken bottle at anybody the voices in his head say is looking at him funny? That's a duck. Don't even get me started on swans.
Until they're infused they're just pretty pictures, and infusion only takes a moment.
- Location
- Yes.
[X] Acquire the Duck Summoning Scroll
I have no idea what this is referring to, it sure would be nice if you'd elaborate.
I share @Shrooms concerns with respect to the trivialization of some very important details of any plan involving many thousands of seals.
To cover a 100m x 100m square 10 m deep of glass at 100% storage efficiency (no losses from crucibles) would require 25,000 storage seals. That is not something you can just wave your hands at. Who is deploying the seals? How are we to source them? Who is making the crucibles?
Saying "just do X" is worse than useless, in that it detracts attention from reifiable ideas.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Also I know we also usually kinda handwave seal carriage because they're paper but when you're carrying tens of thousands of them at a time we're gonna need to start thinking about how to transport them too
- Location
- The Void
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Easy solution, port them to the 7th path. Being a summoner solves almost all logistic problems
- Pronouns
- He/Him
And then what? Reverse summon several dozen (or more) times at the site of battle? Or carry a giant cartoon barrel full of paper around? I suspect 25,000 sheets of paper is a huge underestimate too (partly the point). Hundreds of thousands of seals would be hundreds, or even thousands of pounds depending on how heavy ink is.