- Location
- The Void
- Pronouns
- She/Her
I explicitly wrote a plan that didn't look at the great seal because it was to risky lol
Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
-
- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Chapter 439: Weird Sisters
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
"So, bro-in-law. How's it going? What's this I hear about an apocalyptic seal and some sort of lantern thing?"
"Nothing gets by you, I see," Hazō said wryly, taking the mug Akane was offering him with a grateful nod.
"Perks of being a gorgeous, charming, single woman," Ami said. "Nara Shichirō couldn't wait to tell me all about how he was going to save the world, and because he was impossibly humble, he was going to let your apprentice take the credit for the idea. Did you really end up like this"—she gestured—"in a life-or-death battle against the Sage's spider golem guardians?"
Hazō had indeed come up with a plausible half-truth to avoid having to tell the general public he'd been injured by abuse of Iron Nerve seal memorisation. That had not been it.
"Or was it because you tried to disable the elder seal of doom without backup from your experienced seniors, and the backlash nearly ripped out your soul? Or because you had to seduce the Spider Goddess for her secrets, and she tried to kill you when she found out you secretly weren't single? Congrats on which, by the way. If you're going to commit suicide, always best to make it fun."
"I'm sorry?"
Ami rolled her eyes. "You've been looking into ancient forbidden secrets no outsider must know and live, your head is a wide-open portal for any eldritch horror that wants to drop by the Human Path for a visit, and you intend to obliterate the social order that keeps this village standing and will not allow anyone to stop you. Hazō, if Ino ever reads your mind, she'll be duty-bound to eliminate you.
"But I'm not going to blame you for signing your own death sentence in the name of getting a threesome with a sexy blonde. I've seen people do worse on my missions, usually because I made them. Is Shichi really our next messiah, or do you have something more interesting for me?"
Well, it wasn't classified. Why not?
Because it would involve telling Ami he'd married Kumokōgō. Hazō liked to think he had a very well-developed imagination, but he could not imagine any way in which it would end well.
Of course, the alternative would be him omitting that part of the account, only for Ami to inevitably find out from Keiko when she came back, and Keiko was possibly still convinced he was a genuine arachnophile (that deadpan of hers was a menace).
"It all began," he said, "when a dog came to see me about a spider…"
-o-
"And now that's done, it's just a matter of cranking out the seals, and that should buy us some time to figure out a longer-term solution."
Ami sat in silence, thinking.
"This is a lot to take in, Hazō," she finally said. "Let's prioritise. Most importantly, congratulations on your marriage. When are we expecting the first spiderlings?"
Hazō groaned. "I am not expecting any spiderlings."
"Well, no," Ami said in a reasonable voice. "You're male. Then again, I don't know anything about Arachnid reproductive processes, and I bet they're fascinating. Would it be prying to ask what it was like? Don't worry, I'm a seduction specialist. I've seen, heard, and/or done it all."
"I doubt that includes giant spiders," Hazō said sceptically, and then realised that was the worst possible thing he could have said.
"The standing policy of the Mist Infiltration and Seduction Corps," Ami said coolly, "discourages the use of chakra beasts for practice. It inclines one to form bad habits and occasionally be eviscerated and devoured. It is also, in the words of Corps Leader Usami Shintarō, 'icky'. Thus, it behoves me, as well as ideally the entire I&S community, to benefit from your experience. Please describe your activities in detail while I take notes. Akane, if you have any additional input, I would welcome it."
"Hazō didn't sleep with any giant spiders," Akane said, coming to the rescue. "You didn't, right, Hazō?"
"Not in the sense you mean, no," Hazō said. Technically, he'd had to spend the wedding night on Kumokōgō's web, which unfortunately counted.
"Pray elaborate, Hazō. In what sense did you sleep with the giant spiders?"
After his encounter with Keiko, Hazō understood with crystal clarity that if the words "consummate the marriage" left his mouth in any way, the situation would become unsalvageable.
"All I did was spend the night with Kumokōgō," he said, "and only because their customs required it. It wasn't anything like you're imagining, Ami."
"The experience was unimaginable even for a seduction specialist," Ami muttered to herself, as if committing his words to memory. "This is serious. Akane, could I impose on you to provide paper for diagrams?"
"All right," Akane said. "That's enough teasing, Ami. You knew all along that it wasn't like that, didn't you?"
"I was obtaining highly valuable data by observing the specific processes Hazō was following in order to deflect my questioning," Ami objected. "I would appreciate it if you did not pre-empt him in this fashion, Akane. I was timing how long it would take him to reach the obvious conclusion.
"Now," she said, her expression growing darker, "on to the inevitable. The universe hungers for dissolution over redemption. You intend to defy its will. Whom have you rallied?"
"We're working on the summon bosses," Hazō said. "We've run into a bit of a hitch. It's going to take a lot of trust for them to make a major military commitment to fight creatures nobody thought existed. It's going to take assets on the level of the bosses themselves to kill a Dragon, and their bosses are like their jinchūriki—having them present in their territory is the strongest deterrent a clan has. And for some reason, nobody is going to trust the guy who sold weapons to the Pangolins and led to their bid for world domination. Which, I would like to reiterate, was not deliberate. I had no idea at the time that they weren't just a militaristic culture but a bunch of xenophobic warmongers."
"It is not for me to judge," Ami said. "Everything in the shinobi world is fuelled by sacrifice. If the Seventh Path is to pay in blood for the benefit of our own, is that truly worse than what the regimes you and I support do on a smaller scale every day? To be a ninja is to treat lives as currency, our own being no exception. If you attempt to feel guilt now, you are surrendering to hypocrisy."
"That's not true at all," Akane interjected. "I know that sometimes ninja have to do terrible things for the greater good. It's wrong to pretend otherwise. But the alternative isn't to shrug it off as inevitable. That's just running away. If you don't face what you've done and admit it's wrong, how are you supposed to do better next time?"
"Do better?" Ami asked. "You cannot do better. No matter how much you regret the suffering you've caused, tomorrow you will be sent on your next mission to do the same again. Or worse, because you have proven your competence at destruction, and the Kage who assigns your missions is bound by the same chains. In torturing yourself with morality, you are only adding one more victim to the list."
"And what does giving up achieve?" Akane asked fiercely. "I think you're right. Guilt is a terrible thing. People torture themselves with it. People kill themselves because they can't stand the things they've done, or they kill their souls to get away from it. It's still better than the alternative."
Hazō turned to look at Akane in shock. Her eyes were blazing.
"Of course it hurts, looking at the world and feeling powerless to change the things that matter. Of course it hurts, knowing that just living the life you live makes you part of the problem. Does that mean it's OK to give up? Are you in so much pain, Dark Ami, that you'll accept hurting other people instead of holding onto anything that could possibly help you stop?"
Dark Ami?
"Don't do that!" Ami snapped suddenly. "It doesn't map on and it feels wrong."
"Sorry," Akane said. "I thought I could feel contours."
"Don't," Ami repeated, more evenly.
The exchange left behind an uncomfortable silence, and Hazō was pretty sure he wasn't the one supposed to fill it.
"If what you need is to get the bosses moving in the face of reasonable security concerns," Ami said, "I should have something. I was going to use it earlier, but then stuff happened, and by stuff I mean Lady Kurosawa being a bitch. Give me a second."
Ami shifted to be more comfortable in her seat, then sank into the Frozen Skein.
Hazō glanced at Akane, who mouthed, 'Sorry', though Hazō wasn't sure for what.
Ami's eyes opened just as Hazō was finishing the last of his hot chocolate.
"The following definitions are used in this contract for conciseness," Ami said in a mechanical, almost metallic tone of voice.
"A Crusade refers to organised military activity for the purpose of exterminating the members of the Dragon Clan on the Seventh Path. A Crusader is a summon or other sapient being taking action outside their home territory with the intent of engaging the Dragons in combat, or providing support in the field for those who do. In the event that a summon or other sapient being's home territory is invaded by Dragons, this definition will apply to them also for the duration of that conflict. A Crusading Clan is any clan which has dispatched forces as part of a Crusade.
"Article 1: All signatories pledge to take no military action against the Crusading Clans for the duration of the contract, including dispatching those under their command to enter the Crusading Clans' territory except by explicit invitation from the clan boss or their appointed representatives, condoning such entry without orders, or interfering with the free movement of Crusaders through their territory.
"Article 2: All signatories pledge to protect the Crusading Clans for the duration of the contract, providing military aid within the limits set by the Crusading Clan clan boss or their appointed representatives for the specific purposes of securing that clan's borders, removing hostiles from within those borders, and preventing hostile action by third parties against Crusaders within the signatories' territories.
Article 3: All Crusading Clans pledge to take no military action against other signatories for the duration of the contract, including giving orders for Crusaders to attack these signatories, seize their property, or perform reconnaissance beyond that necessary for safe travel, or condoning such action without orders.
Article 4: This contract will expire when a majority of signatories agree by vote that the Crusade is no longer necessary, whether because all Dragons on the Seventh Path have been exterminated or because the Dragon threat has been determined not to be real.
Article 5: The agreement cited in Article 4 will be considered valid only if, at the time of the vote, all Crusading Clan bosses are either confirmed dead, in their home territories, or in a territory entered for the specific purpose of conducting the vote.
Article 6: In the event that a Crusading Clan boss dies during the Crusade, the signatories pledge to follow Articles 1 and 2 in respect to that clan for one year following the expiration of the contract, with the exception of clauses referring to Crusaders.
"I think that's a decent starting point," Ami concluded. "I'm not an expert on Seventh Path contract law, and dear Ruri's still only a half-summoner and hasn't been able to tell me as much as I'd like, but I figure if contracts are holy, it ought to be worth a shot.
"Speaking of summoners, how's the best one doing? Hidden Haze treating her well?"
Hazō and Akane exchanged glances.
"Hidden Haze?"
"Obscure ninja village in Mountain Country," Ami explained. "Definitely not a mysterious village whose inhabitants know pretty much nothing of the outside world and have a weird religion centred around the Pangolin Scroll you guys picked up while you were missing-nin. For real, guys, you should have moved on this earlier. Yuno is the cutest murderer-in-waiting, but she's got the OPSEC skills of someone brought up in a tiny village where everyone is extended family and clans are so specialised that there's no point trying to steal each other's secrets. You're very lucky I got mysteriously distracted when she mentioned stuff like climate and which chakra beasts she fought on her way here. Also very lucky I took over from your mother, because that woman is sharp, and weirdly loyal considering everything that's been done to her, and I doubt she'd have actively betrayed Mist over something that only affected you indirectly."
"Unlike you," Hazō said slowly.
"Me? Betray Mist?" Ami asked innocently. "Never. It's just that I'm as dumb as Lady Kurosawa thinks I am, so I won't put the pieces together until it's too late."
"Thank you, Ami," Akane said.
Ami flashed a smile. "Not doing it for you, sweetheart. I've been dancing the dance of keeping my handlers happy while racking up points with the Hokage, which is much, much harder than it sounds because the local Kurosawa's nearly as much of a hardass as his clan head, and sinking Hidden Haze for you would earn me a one-way ticket back home with the kind of goodbye kiss the Fifth gave Hana.
"Irony is," Ami said, "none of this was set in stone. If she'd swallowed her pride and accepted me as a partner, Mist could've been a very different place by now. The world could've been a different place, if she'd given me Kage resources and sent me out to bring us both power. A Kage was never meant to rule alone. Byakuren saved Kurohige because even with his natural cunning and force of personality, he needed a plotter and organiser to be what he couldn't. Senju Hashirama swore brotherhood with Uchiha Madara because he needed that pragmatic, ruthless man to anchor his empathy and open-mindedness. The Second was more like Madara than Hashirama, and he couldn't do the job on his own either, which is why Leaf has such a strong Clan Council. His masterstroke, incidentally, was to use the foundations of pluralism his brother had laid to make sure the clans were always just divided enough along ideological lines that they'd never unite against him. His legacy is one of your biggest obstacles here in Leaf.
"In case you're wondering, those read-along sessions with Shikamaru are worth their weight in gold.
"She could have had that. She could have had the world's second greatest Mori on her side. She could have had the AMI bolstering her power against all challengers. I offered. Now? She could execute me tomorrow, and it would be too late. The AMI's mine, but it's not about me. It wouldn't work if it was just a cult of personality.
"The Seventh won't get it either. I'm resigned to that, and having to waste time making myself unkillable so I have room to misstep while I'm turning this village into something halfway worthy of Keiko. I'd give you the same advice, Hazō, if I thought it would make a difference. You spend too much time overreaching and not enough laying foundations to let you overreach. I want to see you turn this village upside down without having to back off every time before the Hokage throws you in the killbox."
"Speaking of disasters which Asuma blames me for even though they were only partly my fault," Hazō said, "what are your thoughts on the bank run? I'm confident it was hostile action, and by motive alone, there's an obvious suspect or two."
"I did what I could," Ami said, "and I can do a lot. But this village sucks—no offense to you, sweetheart," she added, looking at Akane. "In Mist, if you go to an experienced merchant's house and ask, 'Where were you on this day a month ago, between three and four in the afternoon?', they'll have a ledger in your hands within thirty seconds proving that they were in a business meeting with a respected colleague and definitely couldn't have done whatever it is you suspect them of. Also a sack of ryō at your feet, but I don't pay for stuff, so…
"But here, they have these scraps they call records that seem optimised for saving paper rather than preserving detail, don't use standardised cross-referencing codes, show a truly primitive level of pattern recognition in their organisation and priority markings, and on occasion are written in longhand! I didn't understand until now why Keiko always sounds so stressed. It's barbaric, Hazō. I don't know how Leaf has the gall to call itself the most civilised village."
"Yes," Hazō said carefully. "There's a lot of room for improvement."
"Anyway," Ami said, "the KEI Investigative Unit hit a wall after a while. Tracing the rumours was a no-go as well. I left them low-priority because I figured you couldn't really have left yourself so vulnerable they'd be a genuine threat, and by the time I learned better, the trail was cold. So much as I'd love to prove the Hagoromo did it and feed them to the Hokage, or, better still, find a worthy challenger who was so smart as to hide their machinations behind the Hagoromo, I got nothing.
"I take it you didn't get anywhere either?"
Hazō shook his head. "We tapped some civilian sources, but they said the same thing."
Akane nodded in affirmation. On reflection, a joint effort between Akane and Haru didn't seem like the kind of thing that would involve killing people. Had Haru failed to keep her informed as well?
"Keiko," Ami said abruptly, her back straightening. "Confirm her welfare."
"She's fine," Hazō said. "Well, mostly fine."
Ami's eyes narrowed. "Mostly?"
"She had a fight with Mari," Hazō said reluctantly. Like the spider thing, it wasn't anything Ami wouldn't find out from Keiko anyway, and maybe he could take the opportunity to put a less dramatic spin on it.
"Details."
"As I understand it," Hazō said, "they had a fight that started out being about bullying or something, and ended up with Keiko being furious that Mari hadn't apologised for Swamp."
"Mari hadn't apologised for Swamp?" Ami asked. She'd gone low-affect, like Keiko did right after coming out of the Frozen Skein, but unlike Keiko's, her voice was thick with suppressed tension.
"Well, no," Hazō said. "By the time we found out about it in the first place, Mari had changed so much that it didn't seem meaningful to ask for an apology. It wouldn't be the same person giving it."
"Keiko?" Ami asked.
"She didn't forgive her," Hazō admitted. "And Mari never apologised after telling us she was responsible, and now Keiko's patience has run out. Things are pretty bad over there. Honestly, if you can think of a way to help, I'd really appreciate it. Right now, they're flat out not talking to each other apart from mission stuff, and I have no idea how to fix things."
Ami didn't respond.
"Ami," Akane said urgently after a few seconds, "please don't make this about blaming Mari. I agree that if Keiko needed an apology, Mari should have given her an apology, but what's important is for both of them to be happy again, and Keiko can't be happy while she's fighting with someone she loves."
"Mari will apologise," Ami said in an ice-cold voice. "To both of us."
Hazō had a very, very bad feeling about where this was going.
"Keiko said it wouldn't mean anything if it wasn't genuine," he said. "I don't know how to make that happen, but I'm confident that whatever you're thinking is not the answer."
"Not an idiot," Ami said. "No, you're right, I shouldn't overreact. I'm sorry about that. I'll give some thought to what I can do to help.
"Much though I want to, I'm not going to press for more details, because, as I said, I'm dumb and it's a miracle I even guessed they're on the same mission. But the important part is that she's fine."
Hazō nodded. "Yeah. The Mari stuff aside, I think she's actually feeling pretty good about herself."
-o-
"Please forgive me. Once again, I have ruined everything."
Back in the familiar and ever-better-furnished cave on the Seventh Path (there were now dribbly candles to go with the flickering torches), Keiko(?) bowed deeply, immediately, and without provocation.
"Ignore her," Snowflake(?) countered. "I am solely responsible for this catastrophe. Had I been true to my role as a risk mitigation expert, I would never have allowed a plan so ripe with opportunity for disaster in exchange for so little gain."
Other way around, then.
"It is not your fault, Kei," Snowflake said. "You were willing to cooperate with Hazō's plan and allow me precious field experience. I am the one who transformed that opportunity into a crisis with my lack of situational judgement and subpar combat skills."
"You could have been better equipped," Kei objected, "in terms of everything from equipment to choice of pangolin escort to a superior array of contingency plans. I could have conducted additional research to prepare you for the enemies you might encounter, and discussed tactics with the other team members in advance."
"No plan survives contact with the enemy," Snowflake said. "It was my responsibility to improvise with the very power that is the purpose of my existence, not waste it with ninjutsu that did not protect the people actually in need of protection. I failed in every respect, from prioritisation to reining in Arikada before he could murder our own allies."
"If I had only—"
"Enough!" Hazō exclaimed. He wasn't sure his still-charred brain could endure Keiko beating herself up in stereo. "Nobody is at fault here. And anyway, Keiko, you already briefed me on the quisling fiasco. Why are you apologising for it now?"
"Because only now are the consequences becoming clear," Keiko said, "and the extent to which my incompetence has sabotaged the Isan mission."
"For my part," Snowflake added, "this is my first opportunity to render an apology as the truly guilty party."
Hazō sighed. "Look, sometimes missions just go wrong. Nobody could have predicted a rare higher form turning up, or Arikada turning out to be a murderous luna—no, actually, we should have been able to predict Arikada being a murderous lunatic from the name alone. On the other hand, we don't know how the battle would have gone without him, either, and there's no point speculating. Besides, I'm just as much at fault for suggesting Snowflake be the one to go on the hunt in the first place. Now, let's just stop apportioning blame and talk about consequences and damage control. What's going on?"
"As the one to suggest and at least nominally lead the hunt," Snowflake said, "I am being held responsible for its lamentable consequences. The High Priest is eagerly pouring oil on the fire, having recognised an opportunity to invert our recent advances in winning public approval. There are whispers that could only have originated from his faction, implying that we have no true concern for the lives of the Isanese as long as we can win glory and acclaim, and that our demonstrated martial prowess is a matter of individual skill that cannot compensate for the revealed lack of leadership ability. All of it tying neatly into a broader narrative that the Pangolin Summoner has been corrupted by outside influences, namely Leaf, and is unfit to champion traditional Isanese values."
"The Kannagi are a particular problem," Keiko said. "One of the clan head's sons killed the other while under the tyrant's influence, and as a man riven by grief, he is disinclined to be fair in assigning blame. Isan's hospitality customs limit him in his ability to express hostility, much less demand we leave, but even I can perceive the true feelings behind his cold courtesy.
"Ironically, it is with the Inoue of all people that our stock has risen most. Or rather, the Inoue representative on the hunt was taken with Snowflake's eventual display of skill, and professes the belief that her efforts were essential to saving the day."
"A staggering delusion," Snowflake interjected.
"Be that as it may, I imagine it is quite the thorn in the High Priest's side that we have gained a foothold within his allied clans which Mari is expanding even as we speak. Takahashi-sensei believes that the High Priest must strike soon, before we can recover from the failed hunt's impact to our prestige and relations with the clans, or, worse still, mend our relationship with the Kannagi. I believe we may have entered endgame."
"How long?" Hazō asked.
"Days, in Mari's opinion," Keiko said. "Enough time to allow the rumours to take root, but not enough to allow us to counter."
"I see," Hazō said. "I suppose it was going to happen sooner or later, with the Holy Month being over, and Yoshida did warn us. I'll think about what our most important moves are in the remaining time, and get back to you."
"There is one more unrelated matter that Snowflake would like to raise," Keiko said, "surely of no less priority than planning our preparations for what may be a life-or-death confrontation and may potentially decide the future of our entire village in the still-likely event of war."
"Kei is merely jealous," Snowflake said to Hazō," in a fashion unbecoming a young woman of her age."
"Is that so? Then perhaps in my jealousy I should revoke these privileges so recently granted to you," Keiko countered.
"Too late," Snowflake said. "I have Hazō as a witness. Retaliate now, and you will appear petty and inconsiderate of your beloved sister who has so few pleasures in her life and is making the most trivial of requests."
"This is what I have to live with," Keiko grumbled, implicitly acknowledging defeat. "Well? Proceed."
Snowflake glanced at Hazō, then reached inside her miscellaneous equipment pouch.
As he watched, she carefully fished out a long white ribbon, then wove it through her hair, on the right side. The ribbon had an elaborate lace design which Hazō couldn't quite make out and certainly wasn't going to step close enough to Snowflake to examine.
"Yuno made it for me," she explained, a little awkwardly. "It symbolises hope and possibility, and is a common gift to young women after a coming-of-age ceremony. I cannot wear it in Isan, unfortunately, as Kei is married and does not qualify.
"I was… hoping for your opinion. Noburi is on thin ice with Yuno, and so does not dare compliment any girl under any circumstances, and even were I vain enough to wish to ask the Isanese, the web of customs involved in such a simple act is bewildering. Kei, of course, is profoundly biased."
She turned slightly to give him a better view.
'Opinion, please."
Hazō looked at her again. Keiko's keyword for clothing was "elegant", a principle she prioritised on the rare occasion that she bought her own clothes, and the principle she desperately clung to whenever Mari or Ino decided to play with their dress-up doll and dragged her, kicking and screaming, out on a girls' clothes shopping trip. Hazō had received impressions of violent battles against frills, the colour pink, and on one occasion Hazō badly wished he'd been there for, a pair of black kitty ears (Mari knew the most fascinating speciality shops).
Hazō had never been in any doubt that Keiko could look elegant. However, looking at Snowflake, he discovered to his shock that the Keiko base model could also look…
"Cute," Hazō gave his honest impression. "Surprisingly cute."
"Almost a compliment," Keiko said, deadpan, as Snowflake blushed. "So close and yet so far. What a pity."
"I didn't mean it like that!" Hazō exclaimed. "It's not like I think you're unattractive or anything. I just didn't think you could look cute."
"Hazō," Keiko said through her teeth. "Stop digging."
"Yes, ma'am!"
Hazō flailed internally, needing a way out of the hole. "It's very practical," he tried. "This way everyone can tell at a glance that you're of age and single."
Keiko gave Snowflake a pitying glance. Snowflake gave her a despairing look back.
This was a major issue. If he couldn't pay a successful compliment with such a clear opening, then never mind the fact that he was simultaneously offending two girls who were unlikely to forget a slight, Ino would murder him within the week.
"Did you choose the colour yourself?" he tried. "It's a good pick. It'll go well with a lot of your wardrobe."
"I do not have a wardrobe," Snowflake said wearily. "I wear whatever Kei is wearing at the time, and changing into real clothes both consumes precious time and is impractical since they will be left in a heap wherever I dematerialise. Let us please change topics swiftly and permanently."
"I'm very sorry for everything," Hazō said on principle. "But I really do think it looks good on you. Keiko, maybe you should consider looking into hair accessories as well."
"That would be missing the point," Keiko said. "In addition to opportunities for Snowflake to explore her fashion sense, which I do not require because unlike Snowflake I have long since admitted lack of any such, it is a means of easy visual differentiation. If you see me with this ribbon or some other such accoutrement, clearly it is in fact Snowflake, and vice versa."
"Incidentally, Snowflake," Hazō said, "should I take this as meaning you consider yourself not to be married?"
"Indeed," she said. "I do not recall marrying Shikamaru, and I have no particular interest in marrying anyone else at this time—not that I am gifted with the option. Shikamaru, for his part, recognises that involving himself with this question in any way would be more trouble than it is worth. Kei chose well."
"I chose nothing," Keiko said coldly in response.
"You chose not to kill or even maim him, in a remarkable display of forbearance. I am not convinced that I would show such mercy were my agency so brutally violated."
"This is something I wish I'd known before I became your clan head," Hazō said jokingly.
"Oh, that is no concern," Snowflake said. "If you gave me an order I did not wish to carry out, I would simply leave the clan. I accepted a bond of trust and affection, not subordination."
Hazō frowned. He didn't plan to exert authority over Snowflake, and wasn't even sure how it would work if he tried. On the other hand, part of him felt like this could turn into a very bad precedent.
"For the record," Keiko said, pre-empting him, "the same is true of myself."
"Can you even do that?" Hazō demanded, feeling the ground metaphorically shift beneath his feet. "Leave a clan of your own free will?"
"It is an option virtually never exercised," Keiko said, "but yes. In both Mist and Leaf, the Kage foresaw the benefits of allowing it from the beginning, as should a clan engage in treason or other unpatriotic activity, this provides a mechanism for loyal ninja to abandon it and come under the Kage's exclusive authority."
"But then," Hazō objected, "how could punishments like execution work, if you could just leave the clan to avoid them? Uh, not that I'm saying I'd ever execute you. Please stop looking at me like that."
"That concern, too, is accounted for in law, although in Leaf it took the more pragmatic Second Hokage to patch the holes in the legislation. A sentence severe enough to be worth fleeing from, such as execution, must be countersigned by the Hokage to begin with. Then, even should the criminal leave the clan, the Hokage will not obstruct enforcement of a punishment he has already sanctioned.
"Of course, leaving a clan carries enough of a terrible cost to dissuade in and of itself. You know this better than most. To leave a clan is to turn one's back on the clan system, and by default make all clans your enemy. Nor will the clanless welcome one of their former overlords with open arms. And that is to say nothing of the perpetual danger of assassination to preserve clan secrets. Even Ami did not choose to leave the Mori, despite her love of freedom, her poor relationship with Lady Biwako, and her ill will towards the clan at large for its failure to support me.
"In any case, if you give me an unacceptable order, I will simply become a Nara only, and vice versa. And should I despair of both of you, I am in the nearly-unique position of having an independent political power base. The KEI would only approve of me more if I relinquished my clan ties. For that matter, Lady Kei would not hesitate to adopt me, given that she and I fought side by side to enable her clan's existence."
Hazō gazed at her, stunned.
"That said," she said quietly, "I... trust you, Hazō. I believe that you would hurt me through carelessness, or thoughtlessness, or obliviousness, or as unintended collateral damage, but not through deliberate abuse of power. These are not options I intend to exercise unless I must."
"Thanks, Keiko," he said. "I think that's probably accurate, except that I really am doing my best to avoid hurting my loved ones at all. I want to believe I'm getting better at it."
Still, he saw the world in a slightly different way after her words. Again, not that he was planning to execute any of his family, but the notion that any of them could just turn their back on him forever if they felt he'd crossed a line was chilling. He remembered Akane telling Naruto that joining Orochimaru was a moral event horizon that the Gōketsu would never cross, not long after Hazō's attempt to adopt the man had been foiled by the smallest of margins. Akane could have left him, he now learned, assuming she was aware of her legal options, not merely as a girlfriend, but as a person he would never see again. She still could.
Or was he in the wrong to begin with, to forget that if he had to make his people follow orders through legal force, rather than out of loyalty and trust, he had already failed as a leader? Leaf's clan laws had never been a safety cushion for if he ended up alienating his family, but merely a way of deciding what flavour of TPK would end his campaign.
Nearly a year on, Hazō was still so far from filling Jiraiya's sandals. The patriarch, originally an outsider to their tight-knit team, had instinctively understood that the threat of force was only a stopgap while he earned their trust for real, even if his actual efforts had been awkward and plagued by lack of time. He'd turned them into a clan, even though they'd been suspicious strangers and he'd had no clue about clan life. He'd even managed to somehow get through to Keiko, despite her confidence that he would kill them all the second he decided it was for Leaf's good, and her refusal to forgive him even now was proof that what he'd accomplished was real.
Next to that, Hazō was a leader only because after Jiraiya's death the Gōketsu had needed a leader, and he had been the best of their limited options (and because Jiraiya had appointed him, but that was also because he had been the best of their limited options). He was earning his keep as clan head—one look at the Gōketsu's growth this year was enough to prove that, and the fact that he had also nearly ended the clan through accidental treason was a technicality—but sometimes it felt like every decision was being made by the seat of his pants where Jiraiya would have had his hand firmly on the wheel come storm or kraken.
He had to grow. He had to get better. He had to become the kind of leader who could give unacceptable orders and have them accepted anyway because his clansmen could count on both his intentions and his judgement just that much.
Every time he grew so conceited that he felt he was doing a good enough job, fate found some way to remind him how far he still had to go. These reminders were precious, and he couldn't afford to overlook a single one.
In the meantime, the Mori/Nara/Gōketsu sisters would toy with him, give him dire warnings, trust him when least expected, and apparently consult him on matters of fashion. The journey to being a great clan head was going to be long, arduous, and probably more treasonous than intended, but one thing it wasn't going to be was dull.
-o-
You have received 2 XP.
Since Mari vetoed the majority of the plan, I have chosen not to apply brevity XP.
-o-
What do you do?
Voting closes on Saturday 12th of June, 1 p.m. New York time.
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Well, fuck
We probably aren't going to win over the Kannagi then. I think the best we can hope for is getting most of the clans to stand aside (hopefully including the Inoue) while Keiko delivers retributive justice for attempting to murder her via poisoning and subverting the will of whatever, etc. The Azai probably aren't going to back down under any circumstance, but besides the Inoue I get the impression most of the other clans are only really supporting the High Priest because they'll get killed if they don't.
Yoshida have basically pledged neutrality.
Takahashi have pledged support.
Murasaki ???
Kannagi view the High Priest unfavorably but are a hair's breadth from getting destroyed and thus will probably enthusiastically support him up until they think it's safe not to.
Azai will definitely support him.
Inoue can possibly be made neutral.
Aida I believe support the High Priest
Gasai ???
So Takahashi+some outcasts+Isan Team vs. High Priest + Azai is likely winnable right? But without casualties? I kinda doubt it tbh
Hmm, so actually there's a few more clans who we don't know the alignment of.... I actually think the Aida also support the High Priest, so we're fighting at least 2 clans (assuming that they're present for the fight of course).
EDIT: Forgot a couple clans
We probably aren't going to win over the Kannagi then. I think the best we can hope for is getting most of the clans to stand aside (hopefully including the Inoue) while Keiko delivers retributive justice for attempting to murder her via poisoning and subverting the will of whatever, etc. The Azai probably aren't going to back down under any circumstance, but besides the Inoue I get the impression most of the other clans are only really supporting the High Priest because they'll get killed if they don't.
Yoshida have basically pledged neutrality.
Takahashi have pledged support.
Murasaki ???
Kannagi view the High Priest unfavorably but are a hair's breadth from getting destroyed and thus will probably enthusiastically support him up until they think it's safe not to.
Azai will definitely support him.
Inoue can possibly be made neutral.
Aida I believe support the High Priest
Gasai ???
Hmm, so actually there's a few more clans who we don't know the alignment of.... I actually think the Aida also support the High Priest, so we're fighting at least 2 clans (assuming that they're present for the fight of course).
EDIT: Forgot a couple clans
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- Yes.
Noburi snubbed Murasaki way back when, and their position is pretty tenuous either way given that they're the medicine clan but are gonna be overrun by medic-nin soon. Dunno how they'd go but probably not too much in our favor.
Gasai, being taijutsu specialists, aren't...exactly as 'useful' to Aizen as expected, given what Yuno said. We should probably look into this.
Side note: We have a smattering of outcast allies. Also Arikada (citation needed).
- Location
- The Maple Syrup Mountains
I still feel woefully lost with respect to the finer points of Isan politics, so there is a low ceiling to how meaningful my input can be, but my gut here says that if we don't have much time to further subvert the rest of the clans before clashing with the High Priest, we should favour the more radical plans we've come up with.
Plans like pageantry about curing Yuno's curse (which rely on the relevant factions supporting us enough to approve it) become less viable since we don't have time to arrange that kind of support, while plans like meteor striking the High Priest's house to claim divine retribution become comparatively more useful.
(the meteor plan itself is tricky, because the beneath-the-facade read of it is that Keiko's team has the ability to cause meteors to rain out of the sky and destroy Isan, and we're willing to use it. Played wrong, this could be turned against us as 'they're actually for real threatening to destroy Isan'. Played really wrong and we give away the fact that Leaf has sky technology, which for all that it would be good intimidation won't go over too well with Asuma)
Overall my instinct is that we should decide on what warpath to take and then go do a final support-gathering round, teasing our intentions (without giving them away, of course) in a 'things are gonna go down and we're ready for it, where will you be when the dust settles?' sense, and then hopefully pre-empt the High Priest's plans.
Plans like pageantry about curing Yuno's curse (which rely on the relevant factions supporting us enough to approve it) become less viable since we don't have time to arrange that kind of support, while plans like meteor striking the High Priest's house to claim divine retribution become comparatively more useful.
(the meteor plan itself is tricky, because the beneath-the-facade read of it is that Keiko's team has the ability to cause meteors to rain out of the sky and destroy Isan, and we're willing to use it. Played wrong, this could be turned against us as 'they're actually for real threatening to destroy Isan'. Played really wrong and we give away the fact that Leaf has sky technology, which for all that it would be good intimidation won't go over too well with Asuma)
Overall my instinct is that we should decide on what warpath to take and then go do a final support-gathering round, teasing our intentions (without giving them away, of course) in a 'things are gonna go down and we're ready for it, where will you be when the dust settles?' sense, and then hopefully pre-empt the High Priest's plans.
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- Book Fort
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Ami's having a field day with this :3
"No outsider." I think Ami's talking about the Five and some of the other clans who carry such burdens (like the Yamanaka, apparently). I wonder if Ino knows/has guessed that Hazou knows things he shouldn't, and that's (part of) why she's so anxious over entering into a polycule with Hazou and Akane.
I suppose the next question would be "How to not become an Outsider," but something tells me that it won't be as easy as simply marrying in.
She's going to find out eventually, might as well bite the bullet and dive right in... (also, we all know Ami's pretty funny).
Ami: "You sweet summer child."
...Usami did what?!
Aw, he can learn!
I wonder if Ami will ever realize that Hazou enjoys the friendly teasing and the harmless banter and may have gone through with it just to spend time with friends doing friendly things?
...Ami, Mari, and the entire S&I branch as a whole lived horribly under Yagura's reign, didn't they?
"Better a bleeding, broken heart than a numb and deadened one. A bleeding heart may yet heal, and a broken heart may yet be pieced back together. A numbed heart may never truly feel again, and a heart deadened may only reawaken via the rarest of miracles. So bleed, and never let the ache cease."
Fact: Akane's interacted with Ami and Mari, and thus has experience with pluralities.
Speculation: Akane here falsely identified "which Ami" was speaking, and the false categorizing must have felt horrible, to Ami. To Ami, once who treasures Freedom as part of her Threefold Goals, it may have felt like she was being pigeonholed, falsely branded as something Untrue to herself. Akane has interacted with Dark Ami, and thought that the perspective Ami was presenting fit her model of Dark Ami.
Perhaps Ami is dipping into the FS to reorient herself? We've seen Kei do it, and we know that Ami is one of the best FS users in existence (something about passions being able to hold onto yourself as you dive deeper), so using the FS in this way isn't as big a risk (though still present) as it would be for an average FS user.
Ami worked on building KEI since she was seven, and Ren pissed that effort down the drain. I'm on Ami's side here, she has a right to be spiteful and loathe Ren.
A thought occurs. Mari has only been a plurality for a little while, right? When Ami became a plurality, she had Keiko to help her come to terms with it (as well as the traumatic event that caused it). Mari doesn't have anyone. She had Jiraiya, who wasn't equipped to handle it and then died. She has Hazou, whose compassion could encircle the world but is, perhaps, less equipped to help Mari than Jiraiya was.
Perhaps we can ask Ami for advice. What to do, what not to do. How to help.
Jealousy, you say? Still, I think it's harmless teasing between two people who are metaphysically conjoined. I'm honestly so glad that they've settled into this more compassionate dynamic.
Yuno and Noburi tots know about Snowflake's crush on Hazou... I wonder if Hazou will be the last person to figure it out?
I don't understand traditional perceptions of beauty and aesthetics, but even I know that Hazou's eating his foot.
Say something else! "It's atypical to your usual, admittedly forced, style of fashion. But the way it matches your clothing and the contrast of the lace with your current attire presents a contrast that I find to be surprisingly cute. I confess that I don't have a particular style of clothing or aesthetics that I find visually appealing, but the fact that you are going out of your way to establish your identity is both respectable and admirable. If you're insecure about your appearance, then you need not worry. Your face fits most metrics of conventional beauty, and even if it were not so, your personality shines through above it all. Your smirk, your smile, your gesture, your passions, your personality, your very soul shines through and blinds the physical shell it is housed within. You're a lovely person, with a beautiful soul. Don't fret about the meat it's puppeting."
[puts head on desk]
[looks up, hopeful]
So close...
Mood.
Besides, Hazou isn't the type of person to do things to drive away his family. Sure, he fucks up, but my mental model of Hazou-pilot is unlikely to do the egregious things that would mean they leave.
Also, the fact that they have the freedom to leave is a good thing. It means that they're with Hazou willingly and of their free will, rather than being forced into it by circumstance. If you're not free to say "no," I'd say that you're not free at all.
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- Book Fort
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[x] Action Plan: An Isan Plan of Action
Words: tbd
Words: tbd
- Sanity check with Mari, Kei, Yuno, etc
- Purification
- Go over religious texts, bring Ui relics, abide by Isan tradition as is feasible
- Ceremony to purify all Cursed Children, not just Yuno
- Gasai, the Taijutsu Clan
- They're not super relevant to Aizai, see if there's room for diplomacy.
- Lee, apprentice and heir to Gai's legacy, lives in Leaf.
- Senju Punch-Down-Mountains Tsunade also lives in Leaf
- Yoshida
- Consult with Shikamaru to make sure Hazou's conditional acceptance letter is properly written
- Deliver the Nara-written contract
- Kannagi
- Thank the Kannagi for caring for the previously cursed Yuno, and for hosting the Isan crew as honored guests.
- Their devotion to Isan and Ui's legacy (subtext: Keiko, Leaf) deserves recognition.
- Keiko has ideas but knows too little about them to select the most appropriate offering.
- Her full ability to recognize them is constrained by the lack of formal relations between Isan and Leaf, but she will do her best with the resources available to her as the Pangolin Summoner and an influential figure in Leaf's politics.
- Subtext: courting them for a Leaf alliance.
- It has been an honor to fight alongside Kannagi nin in her hunts.
- Learn about the deceased via Yuno (small village, everybody knows everybody), and consult to offer suitable condolences
- Express appropriate sorrow for their fallen.
- Keiko would not wish anything, or anyone, to bring harm to a clan she is now bonded to through Yuno's marriage.
- Subtext: That includes Azai, who views the Kannagi unfavorably.
- Convince them of Aizai's vulnerability and inevitable failure (a la Yagura)
- Thank the Kannagi for caring for the previously cursed Yuno, and for hosting the Isan crew as honored guests.
- Arikada
- Leaf could be interested in a biosealer of his caliber
- Orochimaru has more time now thanks to the final gift project and the Society could partake in the abundance of open minds and voluntary test subjects.
- Supplies
- Restock team with Kagome-amounts of seals
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You were doing so well until the last sentence.
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...Goddamn it, I'm almost as bad, aren't I?
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- Yes.
Don't worry, you'll disconnect from the meat eventually.
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- UK
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Actually, my thought process was, "Doesn't ROTP occasionally complain about their own social skills? This is unconventional, but I actually really like--oh."
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- Yes.
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- UK
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- Book Fort
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"There it is."
(I was aiming more for "it doesn't really matter whatsoever, and that it'd be like asking how the color of the kitchen table effected the taste of dinner." Namely: completely irrelevant to the topic at hand... well, for me at least.)
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- Book Fort
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HAZOU: "I said it was cute!"
KEIKO (filing her nails into claws): "You said it was 'surprisingly' cute, my dear idiot brother."
HAZOU: "I was pleasantly surprised!"
NOBURI: "Did you say that?"
HAZOU: "..."
NOBURI: "Akane, what did you like in him, again?"
AKANE: "He's... earnest?"
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- UK
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Found it, thanks.
I think the problem wasn't the meaning--that comes across perfectly well--but the flavour, if you like. The Venn diagram of "compliment on someone's appearance" and "meat imagery" has very narrow and specific overlap. Honestly, I suspect that's true of meat imagery and compliments of most kinds.
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Ah, I was aiming more for "shocking contrast provides amusement..."
Oh well, I'll improve for next time
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There's the naruto attitude
I MUST BECOME STRONGER, ONE HYPOTHETICAL FLIRTATION AT A TIME
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- UK
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Actually, the canonical Naruto attitude is "I must make everyone in the village acknowledge me". In context, that's worrying.