- Location
- France
By the way, did we ever learn what this meant? Was she trained as an adult somehow? Was she a mudfoot?
The best part of your old Deidara X Kagome omake was Kagome's lethal hug (despite being regularly disarmed)
Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
-
- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard
- Location
- Yes.
It means she married into a ninja clan and became an Important Person despite being unable to use chakra.
Eisenhelm
gran dutch of douchery
- Location
- Colombia
I will vote for this if you include Kagome and Akane, no reason to leave these two out and an excellent opportunity to have yuno and haru Lear the universal problem solver technique straight from the source.
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
I will vote for your plan if you swap this section with my research section.
- Location
- Book Fort
- Pronouns
- They/Them
Aye aye, captain.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Uplift is a family tradition
- Location
- Book Fort
- Pronouns
- They/Them
So is Drowning-Style Diplomacy, but let's wait a bit before we introduce them to some of the crazier family traditions. Gotta ease them into it, like a frog in gradually-boiling water.Uplift is a family tradition
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
Aye:
Thank you
[x] Action Plan: An Instance of Two Individuals Spending Time Together in Order to Facilitate Greater Mutual Understanding, Arranged with the Anticipation of a Long Term Familial(?) Relationship
- Location
- Yes.
I...why are we bringing them along?
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
Its a clan/ teambuilding exercise now, and I'm sure they'll be safe with the amount of firepower present.
They can just chill in the back with Kagome or somesuch behind a thousand explosive runes.
- Location
- Liverpool
[X] Action Plan: Message Received Boss
- Location
- Book Fort
- Pronouns
- They/Them
I had the sudden image of a new Goketsu, upon realizing they have access to essentially an unlimited pool of expensive explosives, grabbing a few hundred and venting their suppressed rage into the wilderness. Leaf loses a few dozen chakra beasts and gains a new canyon. Win-win.
Honestly surprised that a particularly stressful day hasn't led Haru to doing this already.
- Location
- Book Fort
- Pronouns
- They/Them
[] Tentative Protoplan: A Chakra Cattle Drive with Science and Uplift
Words: tbd
] Tentative Protoplan: A Chakra Cattle Drive with Science and UpliftWords: tbd
- Harumitsu needs glasses, even if we have to pay for it ourselves
- SIGHT = FIGHT
- SIGHT = UNHAMPERED EDUCATION
- Pre-mission date with Akane (dangerous mission, kinda tradition, also romance!)
- Grab Noburi, Grab Leaf ninja who know MEW (this is an important tool for later)
- Conditionally:Also Harumitsu, if we're forced to take him (miss frizzle-style field trip?)
- Load Harumitsu out with every possible seal he needs, in excess
- Constantly flanked by shadow clones and combat summons
- Treat him like fragile MVP escort (god, is this what Mari felt like back in the missing nin days?)
- Try to boost his confidence (gotta make Harumitsu into more than a meek printer of seals for Hag)
- Discuss philosophy, if he's willing (Uplift member get!)
- Conditionally:Also Harumitsu, if we're forced to take him (miss frizzle-style field trip?)
- Take one of the missions that drive chakra beasts towards Evil Rock Spies in Death Swamp (remember them?)
- Drain chakra beasts half to quarter dry for positive chakra loop (always time for science)
- gotta make sure they're still fit enough to harass some stinking spying squatting stinkers!
- Where possible, build protective MEW walls around Fire Hamlets along the way, using chakra from beasts (love it when a plan comes together)
- pay MEW ninja enough that they are happy and tell friends, encouraging others to learn MEW
Last edited:
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
AKANE: "Hi, I distrust distrust. Can I join in?"
OMAKE: Happy Belated Birthday
- Pronouns
- He/Him
OMAKE: Happy Belated Birthday
Keiko sat at her desk, where she had remained for the past two hours and twelve minutes. The ice of the Frozen Skein was still fading from her blood, though no insight was gleaned from its use. The paper before her remained frustratingly blank.
Her stupor - er, meditation - was interrupted when her dear husband knocked on the doorframe. "Beloved wife, you haven't budged an inch since I arrived," he said drily.
"I will ensure there is fanfare the next time such an event occurs," she replied absently.
Shikamaru did not return the banter. "I wouldn't have commented, but that was hours ago. What problem could be hanging up your immaculate intellect?"
"If a problem can so easily hang it up, my intellect could hardly be considered immaculate."
"That's why you have me. What is your latest project?"
Keiko made little external reaction, but even just by scooting her chair back a fraction, Shikamaru easily detected her resignation. She admitted, "Hazou's birthday approacheth."
"Ah, searching idea space for the perfect gift. I have suggestions, but I admit surprise that you are struggling to come up with a passable gift. You know him better than I."
"Therein lies the problem, dear husband. It's not that I can't think of anything, it's that there's too many possibilities to sift through. And I admit, none thus far have held a candle to his gift for me."
Shikamaru's eyes twitched upward a fraction. "You mean that manga? Personally, I found it somewhat derivative and uninspired-"
Keiko made the Nara sign for I know where you're going with that, but you misunderstood my point and Shikamaru stopped. She spoke immediately, saying "The quality of the work isn't relative to the quality of the gift, not really. Conscripting an entire piece of art for me, the emotional connotations of the narrative, the nostalgic value it invoked- It was one of the most perfectly thoughtful gifts he could have managed, regardless of the strength of its narrative. How does he do it? And more importantly, how can I do it better?"
Shikamaru's perfectly neutral face betrayed minor exasperation regardless. "Surely he would be thrilled with many other gifts that don't require as much insan- dedication. You are not Hazou, and cannot out-Hazou Hazou."
"Gifts are more than a mere token to be exchanged for social standing, dear husband. Gifts given and received are an expression, no, a declaration of the status of a relationship. I confess that Hazou is more astute than I when it comes to evaluating such things. That, or he's merely very good at seeming more astute. Despite this, he is the only one of my old-new family that I felt struggled to act on this to the same extent as myself. He simply cannot help but consume his own feet. Until now, it seems. I fear that if I cannot answer this declaration of war with an equal and opposite response, I'll fall behind even him, permanently."
"Keiko," Shikamaru replied after a long pause. "I say this with as much self awareness as a Nara can muster, but you may be overthinking this."
"Nonsense," she answered, standing up. "There's no such thing."
<==========>
Her dreams that night were fraught with conflict. It was a beautiful type of strife, one that left a hole begging to be filled with the company of others, yet left her begging for more. An immaculately interwoven narrative, dripping with interpersonal relations and drama. It was...a tragedy. She bolted upright in bed. Tenten sat up a ways to her right a moment later, staring expectantly. Shikamaru did the same on her left a few moments after that. "I have an idea," she stated.
"Troublesome," Shikamaru muttered, laying back down.
<==========>
Keiko completed the final hop, skip, and a jump through Kagome's welcome mat, Shikamaru muttering not far behind. Walking up to the front door, she was greeted by a beaming Mari. "It's great to see my little Keiko. Seems like the Nara have been taking good care of you."
Shikamaru and Tenten arrived at her side, sparing her an embarrassed response. "Of course. The Nara wouldn't accept any less," Shikamaru said.
"Good. Neither would I," Mari replied, just a hint of doom in her voice. Shikamaru swallowed. She beckoned inward, and the trio made their way into the Goketsu living room. A chorus of excited voices welcomed them, and Keiko made a feeble attempt at displaying how pleased she was to hear it.
"If it's alright with our guests, we were going to present gifts immediately and save the socializing for afterward," Mari said diplomatically, though her tone left little room for disagreement.
"That seems prudent," Keiko replied, sitting with her companions on an empty sofa. Kagome handed her a mug of hot chocolate, which she accepted gratefully.
Hazou sat in an armchair centered amongst the furniture, a pleasant expression on his face. How could he be so honest about his inner thoughts? His smile faltered, then deepened when Akane brought out her gift. She had hand-carved him an ornate wooden flute. It was covered with miniscule etchings of blossoms and vines, presumably representing youth. There were also kanji depicting phrases that, presumably, Akane and Hazou had exchanged with each other, perhaps when they were still dating.
Hazou blew a few practice notes through the instrument, and it produced a surprisingly deep, warm sound. "This is beautiful, Akane. Did you carve this yourself?" Hazou asked.
She blushed and nodded, grinning. "Yeah. I had to get a few pointers from Kagome, though, so you can thank him for it too." She hastily looked at Kagome, attempting to divert attention from herself.
Kagome shrugged. "Eh. She's overstating my help."
"No I'm not!"
"Are too."
Mari interjected, as if this were a regular occurrence. "Kagome, what was your gift?"
"Hmm? Oh. Here. Careful with it." He handed over a storage scroll, which Hazou accepted with a smaller smile.
Unsealing it revealed a large bust of Jiraiya that managed to appear both rugged and complete. It also brought up feelings Keiko wasn't prepared to have today.
"Oh, wow…" Hazou murmured.
"Carved it with a few hundred little explosives. Thought it could go in the sealing lab, give some inspiration. Stinker had a big head when it came to sealing, so I made a big head of him." He shrugged again. "He earned it, though," Kagome said, without specifying which of those things Jiraiya had earned.
"He did," Hazou apparently agreed, sealing the bust back up. "Thank you, sensei."
No one said anything after that for a bit, so Noburi cleared his throat and said, "I'm afraid I missed the artsy memo. I got you your other love, bro." He pulled out what looked like an ordinary file folder, handing it over to Hazou.
Hazou's eyes widened as he opened it. "Is this…?"
Noburi nodded. "A bunch of long, boring lists detailing Tsunade's past medical operations. No ninja secrets, of course, just the mundane parts of treatment. Plenty of numbers, records, and extremely dry notes from the slug summoner herself. Figured you could get a lot of mileage out of it, though."
"Noburi… I can't even imagine what it took for you to get this from her."
"No, you can't," Noburi agreed, his voice grim.
Hazou's eyes were already flittering over the information, but he seemed to remember where he was and reluctantly put the folder to the side.
Yuno brought forth her gift next, unsheathing a gleaming, bejeweled sword. "I heard you had to execute one of your people with your bare hands a few weeks ago, like a savage. I got you a ceremonial sword for next time! It'll let your people know you only mean business when you get this out."
Hazou's eyes had widened and stayed widened as she placed the blade in his outstretched hands, and he replied, "Ah." His gaze relaxed a bit, and he mustered what sounded like a genuine response, saying, "Thank you, Yuno. That's very thoughtful," before placing the blade back in its sheath and setting it aside. She bowed and sat the allowed, dignified distance away from Noburi.
"I'll go next," Mari said, handing a box to Hazou. His gaze was both mirthful and wary as he opened the box. Keiko could've sworn his eyes flickered to Akane for a moment, and he blushed and shook his head. "Thank you, Mari. I'm, uh, touched."
"I'm sure you are. Or will be," she replied evilly, deepening the red on his face.
"Uh, what's in the box?" Noburi asked.
"I'll tell you when you're older," Mari replied. Noburi shivered. "Haru, why don't you go next?"
Wordlessly, he handed a smaller, flat box to Hazou. Hazou opened it, and pulled out what appeared to be a shirt and some socks. Astonishingly, Hazou's expression brightened anyways. "Wow, thanks Haru! I've been running out of socks lately. I know one of you has been taking them, and when I figure out who it is…" He wiggled his fingers ominously. He held up the shirt against his chest. "Hmm, I can't say I wear mint green very often."
"I think it's quite a flattering color on you," Mari said.
"Maybe you should wear it, it matches your eye- Wait, what?" Hazou said, peering at her closely. Mari looked around innocently. "Well, anyways, thanks Haru. I'll get a lot of mileage out of this."
Haru did not respond, but nodded, his expression betraying a hint of surprise.
Mari turned toward Keiko's trio. "So, what do the Nara have for our man of the hour? Oh, and Tenten." Tenten nodded gratefully. She produced an ornate fountain pen from amongst her array of weaponry, flicking it toward Hazou.
He snatched it from the air and smiled gratefully. "Wow, thanks Tenten. This'll make doing all that paperwork much easier."
Noburi cleared his throat. "When you're done with your little vacation, that is."
Hazou gave him a skeptical look. "Is that what you call training with Tsunade?"
Noburi blew on a tuft of his short hair. "Compared to this clan head BS, yeah, actually."
Hazou chuckled. "To each their own."
Shikamaru produced a hefty novel, placing it on the table in the center of the room and sliding it towards Hazou, exerting as little effort as possible. "This is a collection of a series of works of fiction, formerly exclusive to the Nara library. It details the adventures of a man fighting against the confines of fate and time itself. How did my fellow clanmates describe it? I think the word they used was 'epic'," he said, seeming to do whatever the opposite of 'savoring the word' was. "I thought perhaps you could glean some wisdom from it, since you seem to have him outclassed in ambition. And if you don't experience any wisdom, perhaps at least a, ah, 'roaring good time'."
Hazou laughed. "I'll take that as a compliment. Thanks Shikamaru, I look forward to reading this when I get the time. You're really coming along as a brother-in-law, you know."
"Oh stop, you're going to make me blush," Shikamaru replied sardonically, but Keiko could tell he was pleased.
"Okay Keiko, your turn," Mari said encouragingly. Keiko soaked her tone in, while paradoxically steeling herself with just a tinge of the Frozen Skein.
"I admit I was remiss on how to answer your gift for me. I thought for many hours about how to repay your gift. Long, frustrating hours."
Hazou frowned. "Keiko, I didn't mean for it to be a contest or anything. If I'd known that's how you would react to it-"
She held up a hand. Shikamaru and Tenten had finally understood, but she wasn't sure if she could express herself properly to Hazou. She hoped she could get through to him of all her old-new family. He tended to understand where the others didn't. "A gift from one to another is exactly what it implies, an interaction of two individuals, much like a conversation. I had to think very carefully about how to respond to the message you were sending to me, and how best to answer. I hope my gift speaks for itself."
She unsealed a tall stack of papers, dropping them on the center table with a thud. Hazou's eyebrows went up, as did many of the others. "What is that?" he asked.
"The script of an original play, the main character of which was partially inspired by you."
"...huh," he said, standing up to view the script.
"That's not all of it, by the way," she said. He looked back up at her in disbelief. "Spoilers," she clarified, flashing her best attempt at a smile. Hazou responded with a smirk and shook his head, looking back down at the script.
"Wait...I'm being played by a woman?"
"Mmm, well, most of the casting has yet to be determined. I will be holding tryouts this week, but that role in particular had many qualifications that could only really be met by one ninja I know of. Hamza, Prince of Denzhou's signature jutsu, Whirling Typhoon of Despair, is lightning element. The many facets of his personality and the uncertainty of his sanity or insanity require an accomplished actor, one with extensive social experience in the field-"
"No…" Hazou whispered.
"-and a face unmarred by war or torment is critical to portraying the loss of his innocence-"
"I'm being played by Mari?!"
"Technically, it's just a character inspired by you," Mari corrected.
Hazou deflated. "I guess that's true...Wait, you made my love interest a guy?" he asked, then winced for some reason. "Er, I mean-"
"Which one?" Keiko asked.
Hazou was making some sort of weird high pitched noise that Keiko could not decipher. He looked around the room. "Have the rest of you already committed to roles too?"
Noburi was grinning like a madman. "No, but I wouldn't miss those tryouts for anything."
Keiko studied him. "Hmm, yes, I can use that energy…" Noburi faltered a bit, and Keiko nodded even more intensely. "Yes, perfect." She looked back at Hazou. "Anyways, as of now, there are no other confirmed roles. However, Kagome has agreed to manage the special effects." Kagome shrugged again.
Hazou was still blinking in disbelief, but he shook it off and managed a smile. "Well, the effort is certainly appreciated, Keiko. I can't wait to see your play." She nodded, and he nodded back. "Okay then, if we're done here, I'd better be off to bed. Tsunade wants me there by 5AM again."
Mari barred his path. "Wrong. Cake first, then sleep," she said guiding him towards the dining room, the rest of them following.
<==========>
Was hoping to have written the tryouts before now, but you'll just have to wait until the next installment
I may or may not use them, but feel free to post suggestions for roles for the rest of Goketsu to play in Keiko's mad, fever dream-inspired unholy concoction of Shakespeare's greatest hits in Narutoverse. Or sit back and let the madness ensue
Merry Holidaysmastimeza hivemind!
Keiko sat at her desk, where she had remained for the past two hours and twelve minutes. The ice of the Frozen Skein was still fading from her blood, though no insight was gleaned from its use. The paper before her remained frustratingly blank.
Her stupor - er, meditation - was interrupted when her dear husband knocked on the doorframe. "Beloved wife, you haven't budged an inch since I arrived," he said drily.
"I will ensure there is fanfare the next time such an event occurs," she replied absently.
Shikamaru did not return the banter. "I wouldn't have commented, but that was hours ago. What problem could be hanging up your immaculate intellect?"
"If a problem can so easily hang it up, my intellect could hardly be considered immaculate."
"That's why you have me. What is your latest project?"
Keiko made little external reaction, but even just by scooting her chair back a fraction, Shikamaru easily detected her resignation. She admitted, "Hazou's birthday approacheth."
"Ah, searching idea space for the perfect gift. I have suggestions, but I admit surprise that you are struggling to come up with a passable gift. You know him better than I."
"Therein lies the problem, dear husband. It's not that I can't think of anything, it's that there's too many possibilities to sift through. And I admit, none thus far have held a candle to his gift for me."
Shikamaru's eyes twitched upward a fraction. "You mean that manga? Personally, I found it somewhat derivative and uninspired-"
Keiko made the Nara sign for I know where you're going with that, but you misunderstood my point and Shikamaru stopped. She spoke immediately, saying "The quality of the work isn't relative to the quality of the gift, not really. Conscripting an entire piece of art for me, the emotional connotations of the narrative, the nostalgic value it invoked- It was one of the most perfectly thoughtful gifts he could have managed, regardless of the strength of its narrative. How does he do it? And more importantly, how can I do it better?"
Shikamaru's perfectly neutral face betrayed minor exasperation regardless. "Surely he would be thrilled with many other gifts that don't require as much insan- dedication. You are not Hazou, and cannot out-Hazou Hazou."
"Gifts are more than a mere token to be exchanged for social standing, dear husband. Gifts given and received are an expression, no, a declaration of the status of a relationship. I confess that Hazou is more astute than I when it comes to evaluating such things. That, or he's merely very good at seeming more astute. Despite this, he is the only one of my old-new family that I felt struggled to act on this to the same extent as myself. He simply cannot help but consume his own feet. Until now, it seems. I fear that if I cannot answer this declaration of war with an equal and opposite response, I'll fall behind even him, permanently."
"Keiko," Shikamaru replied after a long pause. "I say this with as much self awareness as a Nara can muster, but you may be overthinking this."
"Nonsense," she answered, standing up. "There's no such thing."
<==========>
Her dreams that night were fraught with conflict. It was a beautiful type of strife, one that left a hole begging to be filled with the company of others, yet left her begging for more. An immaculately interwoven narrative, dripping with interpersonal relations and drama. It was...a tragedy. She bolted upright in bed. Tenten sat up a ways to her right a moment later, staring expectantly. Shikamaru did the same on her left a few moments after that. "I have an idea," she stated.
"Troublesome," Shikamaru muttered, laying back down.
<==========>
Keiko completed the final hop, skip, and a jump through Kagome's welcome mat, Shikamaru muttering not far behind. Walking up to the front door, she was greeted by a beaming Mari. "It's great to see my little Keiko. Seems like the Nara have been taking good care of you."
Shikamaru and Tenten arrived at her side, sparing her an embarrassed response. "Of course. The Nara wouldn't accept any less," Shikamaru said.
"Good. Neither would I," Mari replied, just a hint of doom in her voice. Shikamaru swallowed. She beckoned inward, and the trio made their way into the Goketsu living room. A chorus of excited voices welcomed them, and Keiko made a feeble attempt at displaying how pleased she was to hear it.
"If it's alright with our guests, we were going to present gifts immediately and save the socializing for afterward," Mari said diplomatically, though her tone left little room for disagreement.
"That seems prudent," Keiko replied, sitting with her companions on an empty sofa. Kagome handed her a mug of hot chocolate, which she accepted gratefully.
Hazou sat in an armchair centered amongst the furniture, a pleasant expression on his face. How could he be so honest about his inner thoughts? His smile faltered, then deepened when Akane brought out her gift. She had hand-carved him an ornate wooden flute. It was covered with miniscule etchings of blossoms and vines, presumably representing youth. There were also kanji depicting phrases that, presumably, Akane and Hazou had exchanged with each other, perhaps when they were still dating.
Hazou blew a few practice notes through the instrument, and it produced a surprisingly deep, warm sound. "This is beautiful, Akane. Did you carve this yourself?" Hazou asked.
She blushed and nodded, grinning. "Yeah. I had to get a few pointers from Kagome, though, so you can thank him for it too." She hastily looked at Kagome, attempting to divert attention from herself.
Kagome shrugged. "Eh. She's overstating my help."
"No I'm not!"
"Are too."
Mari interjected, as if this were a regular occurrence. "Kagome, what was your gift?"
"Hmm? Oh. Here. Careful with it." He handed over a storage scroll, which Hazou accepted with a smaller smile.
Unsealing it revealed a large bust of Jiraiya that managed to appear both rugged and complete. It also brought up feelings Keiko wasn't prepared to have today.
"Oh, wow…" Hazou murmured.
"Carved it with a few hundred little explosives. Thought it could go in the sealing lab, give some inspiration. Stinker had a big head when it came to sealing, so I made a big head of him." He shrugged again. "He earned it, though," Kagome said, without specifying which of those things Jiraiya had earned.
"He did," Hazou apparently agreed, sealing the bust back up. "Thank you, sensei."
No one said anything after that for a bit, so Noburi cleared his throat and said, "I'm afraid I missed the artsy memo. I got you your other love, bro." He pulled out what looked like an ordinary file folder, handing it over to Hazou.
Hazou's eyes widened as he opened it. "Is this…?"
Noburi nodded. "A bunch of long, boring lists detailing Tsunade's past medical operations. No ninja secrets, of course, just the mundane parts of treatment. Plenty of numbers, records, and extremely dry notes from the slug summoner herself. Figured you could get a lot of mileage out of it, though."
"Noburi… I can't even imagine what it took for you to get this from her."
"No, you can't," Noburi agreed, his voice grim.
Hazou's eyes were already flittering over the information, but he seemed to remember where he was and reluctantly put the folder to the side.
Yuno brought forth her gift next, unsheathing a gleaming, bejeweled sword. "I heard you had to execute one of your people with your bare hands a few weeks ago, like a savage. I got you a ceremonial sword for next time! It'll let your people know you only mean business when you get this out."
Hazou's eyes had widened and stayed widened as she placed the blade in his outstretched hands, and he replied, "Ah." His gaze relaxed a bit, and he mustered what sounded like a genuine response, saying, "Thank you, Yuno. That's very thoughtful," before placing the blade back in its sheath and setting it aside. She bowed and sat the allowed, dignified distance away from Noburi.
"I'll go next," Mari said, handing a box to Hazou. His gaze was both mirthful and wary as he opened the box. Keiko could've sworn his eyes flickered to Akane for a moment, and he blushed and shook his head. "Thank you, Mari. I'm, uh, touched."
"I'm sure you are. Or will be," she replied evilly, deepening the red on his face.
"Uh, what's in the box?" Noburi asked.
"I'll tell you when you're older," Mari replied. Noburi shivered. "Haru, why don't you go next?"
Wordlessly, he handed a smaller, flat box to Hazou. Hazou opened it, and pulled out what appeared to be a shirt and some socks. Astonishingly, Hazou's expression brightened anyways. "Wow, thanks Haru! I've been running out of socks lately. I know one of you has been taking them, and when I figure out who it is…" He wiggled his fingers ominously. He held up the shirt against his chest. "Hmm, I can't say I wear mint green very often."
"I think it's quite a flattering color on you," Mari said.
"Maybe you should wear it, it matches your eye- Wait, what?" Hazou said, peering at her closely. Mari looked around innocently. "Well, anyways, thanks Haru. I'll get a lot of mileage out of this."
Haru did not respond, but nodded, his expression betraying a hint of surprise.
Mari turned toward Keiko's trio. "So, what do the Nara have for our man of the hour? Oh, and Tenten." Tenten nodded gratefully. She produced an ornate fountain pen from amongst her array of weaponry, flicking it toward Hazou.
He snatched it from the air and smiled gratefully. "Wow, thanks Tenten. This'll make doing all that paperwork much easier."
Noburi cleared his throat. "When you're done with your little vacation, that is."
Hazou gave him a skeptical look. "Is that what you call training with Tsunade?"
Noburi blew on a tuft of his short hair. "Compared to this clan head BS, yeah, actually."
Hazou chuckled. "To each their own."
Shikamaru produced a hefty novel, placing it on the table in the center of the room and sliding it towards Hazou, exerting as little effort as possible. "This is a collection of a series of works of fiction, formerly exclusive to the Nara library. It details the adventures of a man fighting against the confines of fate and time itself. How did my fellow clanmates describe it? I think the word they used was 'epic'," he said, seeming to do whatever the opposite of 'savoring the word' was. "I thought perhaps you could glean some wisdom from it, since you seem to have him outclassed in ambition. And if you don't experience any wisdom, perhaps at least a, ah, 'roaring good time'."
Hazou laughed. "I'll take that as a compliment. Thanks Shikamaru, I look forward to reading this when I get the time. You're really coming along as a brother-in-law, you know."
"Oh stop, you're going to make me blush," Shikamaru replied sardonically, but Keiko could tell he was pleased.
"Okay Keiko, your turn," Mari said encouragingly. Keiko soaked her tone in, while paradoxically steeling herself with just a tinge of the Frozen Skein.
"I admit I was remiss on how to answer your gift for me. I thought for many hours about how to repay your gift. Long, frustrating hours."
Hazou frowned. "Keiko, I didn't mean for it to be a contest or anything. If I'd known that's how you would react to it-"
She held up a hand. Shikamaru and Tenten had finally understood, but she wasn't sure if she could express herself properly to Hazou. She hoped she could get through to him of all her old-new family. He tended to understand where the others didn't. "A gift from one to another is exactly what it implies, an interaction of two individuals, much like a conversation. I had to think very carefully about how to respond to the message you were sending to me, and how best to answer. I hope my gift speaks for itself."
She unsealed a tall stack of papers, dropping them on the center table with a thud. Hazou's eyebrows went up, as did many of the others. "What is that?" he asked.
"The script of an original play, the main character of which was partially inspired by you."
"...huh," he said, standing up to view the script.
"That's not all of it, by the way," she said. He looked back up at her in disbelief. "Spoilers," she clarified, flashing her best attempt at a smile. Hazou responded with a smirk and shook his head, looking back down at the script.
"Wait...I'm being played by a woman?"
"Mmm, well, most of the casting has yet to be determined. I will be holding tryouts this week, but that role in particular had many qualifications that could only really be met by one ninja I know of. Hamza, Prince of Denzhou's signature jutsu, Whirling Typhoon of Despair, is lightning element. The many facets of his personality and the uncertainty of his sanity or insanity require an accomplished actor, one with extensive social experience in the field-"
"No…" Hazou whispered.
"-and a face unmarred by war or torment is critical to portraying the loss of his innocence-"
"I'm being played by Mari?!"
"Technically, it's just a character inspired by you," Mari corrected.
Hazou deflated. "I guess that's true...Wait, you made my love interest a guy?" he asked, then winced for some reason. "Er, I mean-"
"Which one?" Keiko asked.
Hazou was making some sort of weird high pitched noise that Keiko could not decipher. He looked around the room. "Have the rest of you already committed to roles too?"
Noburi was grinning like a madman. "No, but I wouldn't miss those tryouts for anything."
Keiko studied him. "Hmm, yes, I can use that energy…" Noburi faltered a bit, and Keiko nodded even more intensely. "Yes, perfect." She looked back at Hazou. "Anyways, as of now, there are no other confirmed roles. However, Kagome has agreed to manage the special effects." Kagome shrugged again.
Hazou was still blinking in disbelief, but he shook it off and managed a smile. "Well, the effort is certainly appreciated, Keiko. I can't wait to see your play." She nodded, and he nodded back. "Okay then, if we're done here, I'd better be off to bed. Tsunade wants me there by 5AM again."
Mari barred his path. "Wrong. Cake first, then sleep," she said guiding him towards the dining room, the rest of them following.
<==========>
Was hoping to have written the tryouts before now, but you'll just have to wait until the next installment
I may or may not use them, but feel free to post suggestions for roles for the rest of Goketsu to play in Keiko's mad, fever dream-inspired unholy concoction of Shakespeare's greatest hits in Narutoverse. Or sit back and let the madness ensue
Merry Holidaysmastimeza hivemind!
