Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
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- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Keiko never married Tenten, did she?
From EJ on discord
"Argh. Just forget I said anything. Velorien's two announcements cover the situation. I was trying to be clarifying and failed, so pretend I didn't say it and things will be simpler."
- Location
- Yes.
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Not yet, no. In fairness, the ISC suddenly have a lot on their plate.
To hopefully clarify this once and for all: the Hagoromo are (based on Hazō's interpretation) upset that the Gōketsu made them unwittingly marry a man and a gay woman even though they think gay people should not be allowed to marry anyone at all.
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Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
That's not going to square up:
If I could have reasonable gone to bed at the time you pinged me and woke up after the vote is closed, then thats too short notice.
Again, the problem isn't, "the marriage can't happen without the Hags". That's a matter of civil law. It's, "if the Hags don't bless the marriage in accordance with deep Leaf tradition the clan most vulnerable to accusations of being traitorous, disloyal foreigners will suffer catastrophic political consequences."
Keiko and therefore Ami and Shikamaru, and therefore Kei and Yamanaka and Akamichi are involved. Talk to them. In addition, while Tsunade is horribly overworked and hates politics she seems to like Noburi and would probably be willing to listen to the situation over her next bar binge if somebody else is covering the tab. She has more informal public goodwill and clout than anybody alive. I can't imagine she would approve. Tell her she drinks free at the Naked Jaybird for life if she shows up and set up a meeting with everybody to strategize.
We might even want to (separately) consult with Neji. It's entirely possible that he is completely unaware of the situation, and he's probably still terrified of Keiko, and that's before whatever Keiko can arrange through her influence on Hanabi.
There are levers to pull here, people. Just yelling, "fuck it, we'll do it live", is walking straight into a Hinata trap.
Keiko and therefore Ami and Shikamaru, and therefore Kei and Yamanaka and Akamichi are involved. Talk to them. In addition, while Tsunade is horribly overworked and hates politics she seems to like Noburi and would probably be willing to listen to the situation over her next bar binge if somebody else is covering the tab. She has more informal public goodwill and clout than anybody alive. I can't imagine she would approve. Tell her she drinks free at the Naked Jaybird for life if she shows up and set up a meeting with everybody to strategize.
We might even want to (separately) consult with Neji. It's entirely possible that he is completely unaware of the situation, and he's probably still terrified of Keiko, and that's before whatever Keiko can arrange through her influence on Hanabi.
There are levers to pull here, people. Just yelling, "fuck it, we'll do it live", is walking straight into a Hinata trap.
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Apparently, we hit the jackpot for iron. If you have an underground mine, it generally means that the ores are rich enough to be worth the trouble of digging deep into the ground. Most ancient mines are going to be open pit or trenches, which doesn't apply to our mine.
- Location
- Book Fort
- Pronouns
- They/Them
So does anyone have any ideas on what to do with the Iron Mine? It'll be a horribly huge expense, enough that the mine itself probably will barely break even, in terms of costs. We could keep it as a hideaway bunker, build up a safehouse stocked with food, supplies, and the like... as a just-in-case-the-next-killbox-sticks. But I'm still on the Mining Town train. We could use it to prove that non-total taxation is a net benefit, test the sewer systems, and just use it as a microcosm of Uplift in general. Once the Leaf sees what works and what doesn't (or rather, what's profitable and what isn't) then they'll likely incorporate it as well (or adapt their own variations thereof). Moreover, it can be kept mostly-offscreen so that the QMs don't have to write an economics/civ game, with the occasional popup sidequest coming from it.
But those are far from the only two choices. We could also clear the land around the mine and use it to hold some of the smaller chakra beasts on our farm. We could turn it into pure farmland with judicious use of fertilization Till'n'Fills, using the food grown to help the Jaybird, our own costs, fund the Food Day Holiday that was mentioned an update or two back, and create a Clan Stockpile of food --just in case of famine or something. Chakra locusts are probably a thing that exists, right? Seems like they'd fit in MfD.
Anyhow, what do you all think? How should we use the land?
But those are far from the only two choices. We could also clear the land around the mine and use it to hold some of the smaller chakra beasts on our farm. We could turn it into pure farmland with judicious use of fertilization Till'n'Fills, using the food grown to help the Jaybird, our own costs, fund the Food Day Holiday that was mentioned an update or two back, and create a Clan Stockpile of food --just in case of famine or something. Chakra locusts are probably a thing that exists, right? Seems like they'd fit in MfD.
Anyhow, what do you all think? How should we use the land?
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- Location
- The Void
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- She/Her
We should just ignore it. It's much less valuable than what we could be spending plan space on. Sometimes the smart move is to walk away
- Location
- The Void
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Why though? It doesn't do anything. It doesn't advance any plots or goals. It's just another project we would have to manage. Even if it's off screened it still takes up plan space and mental energy. It's just a sunk cost that should be written off.
- Location
- The Maple Syrup Mountains
I maintain that its best use is as a hideaway bunker (either for ourselves or for other ninja that we might need to hide for a period of time for whatever reason), in which case the best thing to do is more or less ignore it. Maybe clean it up a little so we can move someone in in a hurry if needbe, but otherwise leave it alone.
- Location
- Book Fort
- Pronouns
- They/Them
It has value in that we could do a lot with it, even as just farmland. We also have Gaku and, if needed, Gaku can hire his own subordinates. That said, I agree that it's not an immediate concern, and that it can take a backseat until we clear our plate a little bit, first. I just want to see where everyone stands on the subject, and what they'd be willing to see it become.
I'd like to do this, at a minimum. Personally, I'm still on rooting for the town idea, but if we don't do anything with the land, I'd want to at least turn into a safehouse.
Research Mineral Refinement Seals (long-discussed Purifier variant that stores rock and unstores a useful part of the rock — in this case iron) and use it as an actual mine.
- Location
- Book Fort
- Pronouns
- They/Them
Made a rough map of the land that the Goketsu bought around the mine. The update specifies that there are two valleys, one being around 20-30 acres and the other being about twice that. We don't know how close they are to each other, so I've separated them from each other, with a vague space between the two valleys. Since the update didn't really specify any change in setting, I assume that Team Summon Squad never left their initial 20-30 acre valley.
This is probably wrong, but I'm procrastinating errands, so... here you go. Sorry about the roughness, made in Word with shapes and textboxes.
This is probably wrong, but I'm procrastinating errands, so... here you go. Sorry about the roughness, made in Word with shapes and textboxes.
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Chapter 374: Blood and Wine
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Hazō sighed, long and gustily, as he dropped into his chair and let his head fall forward onto his folded arms atop the desk.
"How are you always here first?" he mumbled. "And why are you always so darn chipper?"
"Respectively, M'Lord: Determination and clean living. Tea?"
Hazō hand groped out from under his head. "Thanks." He pushed himself upright and slugged back the tea. It was smoky and deliberately overbrewed in order to kick him awake, but it didn't even touch the level of tired that was dragging at him. The dreams had woken him every twenty minutes through the night. Dreams of drowning faces and whirling red eyes. Of grey dragons and blue-skinned swordsmen that he'd never seen. Of white hair and laughter at the center of massive explosions.
"Okay," he said, focusing on getting himself back to alertness. "A few updates for you: As per Keiko's request from a week or three ago, I've been spreading the word suggesting that people order lots of Hagoromo cloth. I don't know what she has planned but I'm sure it will be awful for them. She wants me to kick it up a notch because it sounds like it's coming to a head this week. Get me meetings with some wealthy civilians; I don't particularly care who. Figure out a pretext and brief me on what I should be talking about."
"Yes, M'Lord."
"Speaking of the Hagoromo, I want to know everything about them. Hinata told me that they are pissed about 'being tricked' into officiating at Keiko's wedding and now they've said that they aren't going to perform weddings for any Gōketsu until I publicly grovel to them."
Gaku's eyes went wide. "M'Lord? May I ask what you're planning?"
"I am going to burn them to the ground."
"Ah."
"Oh, don't worry. I'm not going to physically hurt them." Gaku sighed in relief. "Probably. On the other hand, the earth and sky will change places before I will apologize for my sister. I want to know every source of their income and then we're going to destroy it. I want to know if they have any outstanding debts around town—whores, trade goods, even groceries. Whatever it is, find it and buy it. Figure out who their suppliers are, and their competitors, and their enemies. Find every dirty whisper and salacious story. I want to know everything that can possibly hurt them."
"...Yes, M'Lord. May I coordinate with Lady Gōketsu?"
"You know she said you can call her Mari, right?"
"Yes, M'Lord."
"And I said that you can call me Hazō?"
"Yes, M'Lord."
Hazō sighed and sipped his tea. "Fine. Yes, definitely work with Mari. Talk to Ino about what next season's fashion is likely to be. See if she, the KEI, and any of our various summon clans would like to order in bulk from the Hagoromo."
"M'Lord...may I ask a question?"
"Always."
"You said you wish to destroy them, but you're ordering a lot of their cloth and telling others to do so. This could be seen by the public—not by anyone on the estate, of course, but the general public—as appeasement."
Hazō stretched and covered a yawn. "Eh. I have no idea what Keiko's doing but when she asks for something I've never yet been disappointed by giving it to her."
"Yes, M'Lord."
"Also, start planning Noburi and Yuno's wedding. Date, time, invitations, decorations, seating chart, venue, the whole nine. Work with Mari and Yuno. We want to respect all the Isan customs—seating, apparel, invitations, whatever else. They're pretty wacky, so don't be surprised."
"Yes, M'Lord."
"Next item: I want to have a party to celebrate the wedding in advance of the wedding. Invite all the usual suspects, plus Ami, Sasuke, Naruto, and anyone that Noburi or Yuno want. Again, respect Isan traditions about all the crazy stuff. I want it to be a surprise for her so make sure you get the briefing under cover of it being about the wedding."
"Yes, M'Lord."
"Remind me to make sure that Ami and Yuno meet."
Gaku shifted uncomfortably. "Yes, M'Lord."
"Problem?"
"No, M'Lord. No problem."
Hazō sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Gaku, I want you to be an advisor, not just a stenographer and external memory. What's the problem?"
"Ms Ami and Ms Gasai seem like...unusual people," the civilian said carefully. "Have you considered what the outcome might be of those two becoming friends?"
Hazō shrugged and covered a yawn. "They're going to meet sooner or later. Better if it's under controlled conditions."
"Fair point, sir."
"Great. So, what fun and exciting things do you have for me today?"
"This is the food usage reports from the commissary, M'Lord. You'll note that...."
o-o-o-o
"Good morning," Hazō said, bowing.
Canun was one of the smaller members of the Dog Clan. Small enough to put in a hat, in fact. He was covered in something that was less 'fur' and more 'long, grey, strings'. Truth be told, he looked like a mop and when he stood still it was hard to tell which end was which. Despite his unimpressive size he was renowned as an excellent zither player and ninjutsu user.
"So, you're the new Summoner?" The near end of the mop tilted slightly. "I thought you'd be taller."
"I'm young still."
"Hm. How young?"
"Fifteen on the Human Path, although I'm not clear how that maps to time here on the Seventh."
"Hm. And you wanted to contract me?"
"I did."
"Why?"
"I'm a ninja, and my life is often...challenging. The Dogs are strong and I would value your help. Also, I've been told that you possess two elements that humans don't have?"
Canun snorted. "Me? I'm barely getting started! You should have seen my teacher, now there was a dog. She could do things with—hang on, two elements you don't know? I've only got Metal and Plant. You're saying you have neither of those?"
"I know the Earth Element. Others in my family know Air, Water, Fire, and Lightning. So far as I know, there are no humans with the Metal or Plant Element."
"Hm." The dog considered that for a moment. "You humans are really backwards, aren't you?"
Hazō couldn't help but smile at that. "We have our own arts. Still, your skills would be incredibly valuable on our Path. Would you consider becoming my summon?"
"Hm." Canun lay down and rolled on his back, staring at the sky. "Hm."
Hazō waited patiently.
"Tell you what," Canun said, rolling back to his feet. "Find me a human instructor for the Earth and Wind elements and I'll contract with you for a year. You'll need to summon me often so that I can have lessons."
Hazō grinned; that had been easier than expected. "Done! I know just the person."
"Mind you, make sure she's respectful. I'm not going to be insulted by some hairless biped simply because I didn't start with her preferred element."
The grin disappeared. "Um...the person I was thinking of is a man. Most of our teachers are men, actually."
The mop of hair made it impossible to read Canun's expressions, which was probably a good thing.
"Your ninjutsu instructors...are men?" Canun thought about that. "Wow. You humans really are backwards. Well, whatever. Get me three lessons a week with a good, respectful teacher and I'm your guy."
"Thank you!"
o-o-o-o
"I think you'll like Canvass," Cannai rumbled. He and Hazō were sitting at what appeared to be an arbitrary spot in the middle of the prairie, considering the world as it drifted by. "She's an excellent tracker and quite professional."
"I look forward to it, sir," Hazō said. "What about...I'm sorry, I've lost her name."
"The scout?" Cannai said, a hint of amusement in his voice. "Cannon. Oh, she's quite a treat. A little clumsy at times, although she manages. Quite short. A lovely coat aside from the mange. Personality-wise, she's a bit cold. Very stand-offish. You'll definitely need to work for that contract."
There was a snort from Hazō's right. He leaped to his feet and Substituted with the boulder he'd carefully left a short distance away. He came out of the Substitution and whipped around, his hands sliding automatically into his pangolin claws.
"A bit twitchy, aren't you?" asked the greyhound who had apparently been lying in the grass a few inches from him. The long-legged greyhound with the smooth and healthy coat. She was on her side, tongue lolling out in amusement. She stretched, then rolled on her back and wriggled to make the ground more comfy.
Hazō walked slowly back, absently putting the claws back on his belt. "I'm Hazō," he said as he approached.
There was a blur of movement and suddenly Hazō was on his back, Cannon standing on his chest so that she could ensure that her licking covered his face in a nice even layer of dog spit.
"Hi!" she said, jumping back and bouncing a little bit in excitement. "I'm Cannon!"
"Gack!" Hazō wiped his face on his elbow and sat up so that he would brush off his clothes. "It's...a pleasure to meet you, ma'am."
There was a low, nearly subsonic rumbling. Hazō glanced over to find that Cannai was laughing quietly.
"'Stand-offish'?" Hazō asked, one eyebrow raised.
"Did I say stand-offish? You must have misheard me." His tongue lolled out in full doggy laughter.
"You said I had mange!" Cannon said, bouncing angrily on her front legs. "I don't have mange, you giant fibber!"
Cannai dipped his massive head in acknowledgement. "Indeed you do not. It was a prank, Cannon."
"Oh! Okay, that's fine then." She turned to Hazō. "So, you're the new Summoner?"
"I am, yes. I was hoping you'd be willing to contract with me. I need a scout and stealth expert very badly."
"Hmph. Why would I go to your icky Human Path? I've heard the stories about how it's full of fog and constant rain and—"
"The stories are exaggerated, Cannon," Cannai said gravely. "And I thought this might be an opportunity for you as well. The teethcaps?"
"Oooooh! Right!" She rounded on Hazō and cleared her throat dramatically. "Ahe-he-hem! Hear me, O Summoner of the humans! I, Cannon, the great scout, shall agree to be your contractee for twenty—"
"'For one'," Cannai said quickly.
"—for one year so long as you perform for me this great and terrible service! Doest thou agreest?"
"The phrase is 'dost thou agree', and it's archaic," Cannai said. "Today, the humans simply say 'do you agree?'"
"'Dost thou agree'? That's stupid! I know all the old tales and it's always been 'Doest though agreest'?"
"Most of the old tales are about me, Cannon. Me, and my trips to the Human Path."
That seemed to flummox her. "Well...just because you went to the Human Path and did all those things and all the stories are about you doesn't mean you're some kind of expert on the stories!"
"Your logic has defeated me. 'Doest thou agreest' shall henceforth be considered the correct version. However, it's still archaic and no one talks like that."
She turned to Hazō with hopeful eyes.
"I'm sorry," Hazō said. "He's right. No one actually talks like that anymore."
Her ears drooped. "Awww."
"You were saying something about what it would take to get you as a contract?" Hazō asked.
"Yes! The last-but-one, or maybe but two, Summoner made some metal teeth caps for my great-grandfather. They were lost during a battle on the Human Path. Find them for me and I'll be your boon companion."
"Also archaic," Cannai rumbled.
"Awww."
"Can you tell me about these teeth caps? What did they look like and where might they be?" Hazō asked. Internally he was already wondering if he could recruit a different scout. The idea that he could find a few random pieces of metal somewhere in the world....
"Sure! Ahe-he-hem! My tale, it is of the times long gone, when the great summoner Bunbee Yako—"
"Banri Yahiko."
"Who's telling this story?!"
"Most definitely you. Please, continue."
"Right! So, he was from the Country of Burning Trees—"
"The Land of Fire."
"The Country of Burning Trees and he was the most powerful ninja of them all! He was also a smith without peer, able to fashion the tiniest toe ring and the mightiest tower of purest iron. To express his gratitude for great-grandad being willing to contract with him, he made a set of enchanted tooth caps that fit over great-granddad's teeth and gave him the power to bite through anything. They were fearsome weapons the size of mighty trees—"
"They were half an inch long in the front. The sides were serrated."
"MIGHTY TREES!"
"As you say."
"He fashioned them from the bones of a steel colossus—"
"Nope."
"—BONES OF A STEEL COLOSSUS that he defeated in single combat on the night of the full moon as a pack of stars leapt to their deaths."
"That was the fight against the ninja from Lightning."
Cannon rounded on him, head lowered and glaring.
"What?" Cannai asked, tongue lolling in amusement. "It was."
"Hmph. Anyway, Bunbee was mortally wounded in the battle and knew he would never survive to reach home, so he prayed to the god of earth and stone to cover him that he and his secrets should never be found. The god concealed Bubee beneath his mighty hand and great-grandad left the toothcaps with him as a memento of their long service together. And then he died two years later without telling anyone anything else about it except that the battle was on the shore of a mighty storm-tossed ocean where the very waters raged and tore at one another."
Hazō looked at Cannai; the massive dog shrugged.
"Do you happen to know when this was?" Hazō asked. This was not sounding promising.
"It was in The Time Before, when the earth was first blooming—"
"One hundred and four years ago as per the Human Path. Late spring."
"Thank you."
"Ooh, ooh! Spring reminds me of the time that Emmo went to the River of Flowing Silver, on the border of the Kangaroo and the Insect People!"
"Arachnids. And it was Enma. And it's a fairy tale."
"The Insect People are giant and scary, but Mighty Emmo was not afraid! He walked in majesty, his power gathered close...."
o-o-o-o
"Looking for a tracker, huh?" Canvass demanded. She was a low-slung dog with ears that drooped to the ground and jowls that made her look sad.
"Yes, ma'am."
"Canvass. Don't be giving me that 'ma'am' nonsense. I'm willing to be your tracker, but I want something first."
"Of course. What can I do for you?"
"Fix your grammar, for one thing. Learn the difference between 'may' and 'can'."
"...yes, ma'am. I mean, yes, Canvass."
"My ancestor adopted a pack and taught them the ways of a true hunter. Find their descendants and see to their welfare. Their summoner was from your Land of Fire. They would be large and brindled."
"The Inuzuka clan have partners called ninken, ninja dogs. They are intelligent, like you, although they don't speak as far as I know. Is it possible that they're the descendants you speak of?"
"Are they large and brindled?"
"The ones I've seen? No. There's a lot of them that I haven't seen, and size and coat can change over time. If you contract with me you could come check for yourself."
"I do not believe that my ancestor's pack would allow themselves to be tamed by humans. They were hunters, warriors."
"Would it hurt to check? I can look elsewhere but there are a lot of wolves and feral dogs in Fire," Hazō said. "That description is vague at best."
"I will permit you to summon me once that I may examine whatever candidates you have found. I have no wish to be going to and fro across the Paths so be sure you are right the first time."
Hazō nodded respectfully. "Of course."
"So. Tell me why you want a tracker."
"Well, we have a lead on this Scroll...."
XP AWARD: 3
Brevity XP: 1
"GM had fun" XP: 0
Vote time! What to do now?
Voting ends on Wednesday, September 23, 2020, at 12pm London time.
Great thanks to @Velorien for coming up with the second and third tasks.
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- Location
- The Void
- Pronouns
- She/Her
It's nice to know that our boy has correct judgment
