Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
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- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard
- Location
- The Void
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Since we are not allowed to do sealing research now is the best time to go out and try to acquire more scrolls. We currently have essentially the perfect lead on the Kraken scroll. We know the name of the last summoner, the village that he lived in, we have local contacts with the Yakuza. It's a perfect time to go and grab it as soon as we clear up the Yasuji plot line
- Location
- Book Fort
- Pronouns
- They/Them
Provided we clear some of the more social stuff as well (Haru, who's realizing that we're actually "good" and if we don't strike now, then he might rationalize it away; Ino, to see if we still have her friendship, or if she's still willing to be a social contact and an "in" with the other clans; Keiko, who's self esteem is as high as it's ever been and with some effort, might stay that way; Noburi's whole thing with Yuno, and how conflicting and contradictory it appears --especially since we know she's not happy; etc), I'd be okay with this.
- Location
- The Maple Syrup Mountains
I would prefer to take a break first. There are multiple facets of our life where giving things some time to settle down would be worthwhile, including but not limited to:
- Our Consequence/Quarantine
- Social implications of our recent brush with treason
- Having been busy for the last essentially an eternity
- Location
- The Void
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Sure we can spend a couple of days on it. Just need to get on it soonish. Since in a months we will be out of quarantine so will be able to do sealing and won't wanna take missions.
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Again, there is a time limit on the contest, and the Gouketsu have the keys to the second holy grail of ninja combat even more so than the last one which changed the entire world more than anything since the invention of the village system itself.
Perhaps the head of a clan participating in the contest might ask their world-class explosive expert to look into the matter before the opportunity passes?
Medieval authorities actually had pretty limited ability to enforce central taxation. It might be better to tie total improvements in productivity to standardization and reporting.
Perhaps the head of a clan participating in the contest might ask their world-class explosive expert to look into the matter before the opportunity passes?
Medieval authorities actually had pretty limited ability to enforce central taxation. It might be better to tie total improvements in productivity to standardization and reporting.
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Double-screw-it. I know you probably can't hear me, but the GMs apparently can, so if there are any whispers in the back of your minds listen closely: I have been trying to subtly time my reminders with @eaglejarl updates in nuanced support of the players, but at this point if you refuse to even attempt the absolutely obvious I will most definitely forsake my precious, precious player voting rights to join the GMs in designing exactly how your very, very many antithetical opponents will use their observations to revolutionize warfare right over your heads despite your potentially overwhelming head start.
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- Location
- The Void
- Pronouns
- She/Her
All off Kagome's time is currently taken up by decoding Jiraiya's intelligence notes . Hazou is still grounded for another 29 days so can't do any research till after the contest. So no explosive armor in the immediate future
- Location
- Italy
The problem is that there are two clashing priorities: winning the contest/keeping all the shiny things for ourselves. Both have merits, especially considering how the Skywalker ended being leaked to everyone.Personally i am on the "Give Asuma reason to not execute us for treason when the next treason kaiju hit", because being optimistic is how you die in this quest.
I'm fairly sure reactive armor is one of the things we want to research once we're cleared for sealing research, once an actual timeskip happens and we finally can.
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Note that this process should start with Hazō saying, "Hey, sensei, you know those directional explosives that are your personal masterwork, the unique seal that is your trump card and the essence of your combat style? How do you feel about sharing those with everyone in Leaf?"
Interlude: Chosen for the Grave, Part 20
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Interlude: Chosen for the Grave, Part 20
"You wanted to see me, sir?"
Never, not even in the headmaster's office after the Black Book Incident, had I felt so much trepidation upon uttering those words.
The Hokage's office didn't look any different from normal, from the heavy, elaborately-carved wooden desk, to the inevitable stacks of paperwork, to the giant window serving as blatant assassin bait. The Hokage himself seemed the same as usual, with his air of thoughtfulness and grandfatherly calm. The only difference was the intensity of his presence, strong enough that taking that final step through the door felt like wading through treacle. Whatever was about to happen, it would be nothing good.
"Thank you for coming, Valerian," the Hokage said to me. "I assume you know why you're here."
If ever it had crossed my mind to underestimate Sarutobi Hiruzen (which it hadn't), this would have been a reminder of why not. I could tell the truth, about which I had grim suspicions, and thereby make a confession without knowing how much the Hokage already knew. Or I could bluff, in the knowledge that if he already knew everything, I would be lying to his face.
"How can I help you, sir?" I hedged.
"Tell me," he asked mildly, "have you been suborned by a Leaf missing-nin, whom you are now secretly sheltering in your home?"
I suddenly became aware of the unusually high number of ANBU in the room. The fact that I only became aware of them now, and not, say, when I first looked around, was indicative of how outclassed I would be in any fight. All the ninjutsu in the world wouldn't mean much without
"Speaking purely hypothetically," I hedged some more, "what would happen if I said yes to that question?"
"I would have to execute you and your comrades for treason," the Hokage said without any particular threat in his voice.
On reflection, maybe I should have talked to the ruthless dictator before inviting a particularly hated enemy of the state to hang out in my basement.
"Still hypothetically, what if I told you that I had suborned him, for purposes which were likely to be to Leaf's benefit?"
"Then I would definitely have to execute you and your comrades for treason," the Hokage said, "as it would imply that you were working with an enemy of Leaf in secret on your own initiative."
I had to think very, very fast. I was still alive and conscious and not in T&I discovering the finer points of 12th century metallurgy, so clearly there was still room for me to somehow get myself out of this predicament. What could I say about Orochimaru that didn't make me come across as a being of unspeakable evil for willingly associating with him? (I filed the question of whether I was a being of unspeakable evil for willingly associating with him away for another time.)
Of course! When I thought back to his canon introduction, and given we weren't in the habit of taking away canon abilities unless they wrecked simulationism…
"Again, hypothetically," I said, "what if I had no idea what you were talking about because clearly a legendary missing-nin famous for his mastery of disguise would find it effortless to sneak in without alerting any of us?"
"That sounds eminently plausible," the Hokage agreed after a few seconds' thought. "Even a skilled ninja might struggle under those circumstances, and you are only civilians, despite your continuing, significant contributions to Leaf."
I didn't miss the message.
"I find myself feeling a sudden desire to visit your compound," the Hokage said. "I trust there will be no objections?"
"None whatsoever, Lord Hokage, sir."
The Hokage's signal must have been subtle enough that I didn't catch it, but the half-dozen ANBU turned to follow us in perfect silence.
-o-
"Orochimaru."
"Sarutobi-sensei."
The two men faced each other coldly across the living room, the exquisite tension undermined only by the broadsheet Earl had left on the coffee table now between them, and its headline of "Merchants' Guild Approves Exotic Pet Imports".
"Valerian-sensei," Orochimaru said icily, "what is the meaning of this?"
Silence reigned supreme. Earl and Oli, who had been on the sofa discussing worldbuilding derailment, were sensibly frozen stiff. I, unfortunately, did not have that luxury, as bad things would happen if I didn't maintain a mask of complete and utter innocence.
The Hokage's expression, for just a second, was as bewildered as if he'd just heard Jiraiya swear an oath of monogamy before the Will of Fire, as conjured by a bonfire of Icha Icha books and personal sealing notes.
"Yes, Valerian-sensei," he finally agreed, icily, "what is the meaning of this?"
I could already see Morino Ibiki's face looming over me with an egg whisk (which was what my visual mind supplied for "cruel and unusual implement of torture").
Just as I was on the verge of doing something unwise with the Swamp of the Underworld Technique, Oli, fortunately behind the Hokage and his ANBU, mouthed, "He studied the notes!"
"He studied the notes!" I exclaimed. "My notes. Which I made on his work in the Basement. Which he infiltrated completely without our knowledge, and is now here in the open for the first time to our utter shock. Isn't that right, Orochimaru?"
"Yes," Orochimaru said impatiently. "That is the exact course of events. I studied Valerian-sensei's notes, and was so impressed that I decided to treat him as my master despite a complete lack of personal acquaintance. Can we return to our research now?"
One of the ANBU coughed politely.
"Oh, yes," Orochimaru said. "Leaf traditionally settles its disagreements over medical ethics with battles that completely flatten the surrounding area while nevertheless failing to kill me. How could I forget."
The Hokage did not comment. He gazed at Orochimaru contemplatively. "What kind of research?"
Orochimaru's expression turned slightly less impassive than usual. "Valerian-sensei, would you like to, or shall I?"
"I'll demonstrate," I decided, figuring that the less deadly weaponry the missing-nin showed off in front of the Hokage, the better.
"Snake Element: Rasengan!"
The Hokage watched the swirling blue sphere for a few long seconds.
"Snake Element?" he inquired.
"It's an improvement on the original Rasengan," I said proudly. "This one is a very very sharp blue snake, slithering around itself at extreme speed. It has a lower chakra cost, you can choose from a selection of aesthetically-pleasing snakes at casting time, and, as an added bonus, it is extremely venomous. We were thinking of giving it to Jiraiya as a birthday present."
"A very. Sharp. Snake." I could feel the Hokage revising his opinion of my intellect radically downwards.
However, I was unfazed, for I had recently discovered one of the core universal truths of the Narutoverse, and the ultimate secret of Kishimotium. It had been staring me in the face ever since I watched the first episode, but only now, after developing my own original ninjutsu according to Narutoverse laws, did I finally understand. The ultimate source of shinobi ability, the Power of Cool, could only be drawn upon by discarding any and all sense of shame. In this it resembled the Power of Youth.
I shrugged. "You know how we've spent the last few weeks living atop a dungeon, I mean laboratory, constructed over decades by the world's leading specialist in creative biology? That one is on the tame side, in multiple senses.
"Here's another one. Snake Element: Multiple—"
"Sorry to interrupt—gaah!"
All of us pivoted around to see a random chūnin staring at Orochimaru in absolute terror, either of the missing-nin or of the fact that he was seeing something way above his clearance level while surrounded by ANBU.
"What is it, Kuroda?" the Hokage asked in a remarkably unthreatening tone of voice.
"M-Message for the three civilians, sir," the man stuttered.
"Go ahead," the Hokage said, showing no interest in our privacy.
The messenger tilted his head back and unleashed a bloodcurdling scream.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
Immediately, two ANBU grabbed the man by the arms, securely restraining him.
"Move aside," I said quickly. "I'll start scanning with medical ninjutsu while you get someone from the hospital. Orochimaru, can you bring out the dissection toolkit?"
The messenger glanced back and forth between us.
"No, I'm fine!" he screeched.
"Then why were you screaming?" the Hokage asked as his day grew only more confusing. "And what about the message?"
"That was the message," the messenger said. "The gentleman was quite clear."
Earl, Oli and I exchanged meaningful looks.
"Flufflec."
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- Location
- Italy
I am sure this is absolutely unrelated to our situation in any way, shape or form. On the topic of "unrelated things"
So, consistent and well-established pattern of big successes, uhm....
Skytower-->Skywalker--->Porc Scroll--->Skyslider(?)--->???
What should be next?
- Location
- Under a Rock
Chakra beast extermination.
- Location
- The Void
- Pronouns
- She/Her
4-5 more summoning scrolls
- Location
- Italy
Daily reminder that almost no ones cares about civilians in Ninja society and that no one care about civilians as far as pragmatic concern are involved.
"Civilians? Are you telling me they are actually useful?"
On one hand, pretty good results. On the other, if we're going for 4-5 infiltration and search missions in hostile territory back to back, we kinda need a plan to not die and find the shiny.
Tua
鸡肉面条汤
- Location
- شوربة الدجاج المعكرونة
We'll be fine, there should still be 4-5 Akatsuki pairs out in the wild that we will inevitably meet in the vicinity of the scroll.
- Location
- The Void
- Pronouns
- She/Her
We actually have pretty good outlines on how to track down most of them. The kraken scroll is in a village up in cloud. We have a bunch of civilian contacts and yakuza contacts there so can use those for support. We also know the name of the past summoner and the name of the village he lived in. So only problem is slipping through the border but with sky walkers and acquiring a telescope for scouting that shouldn't be a problem.
The Otter scroll will probably be our next target. We know that it's somewhere between fang and mountain. So once we get Noburi to sign the toad scroll we can message the otters to get a better lead on it's location. Add in using the dogs tracking abilities we should be able to snag it
The Kangaroo scroll will be difficult to snag since we can't contact them directly. We do have lots of contacts in River so we can start putting in the leg work to track it down. Can actually go and try to work out trade deals to act as cover.
the squirrels will be hard as well. But we can consult the toads to get more information on how and where the fight went down with Jiraiya. Also should be more info in his action notes. Once we have that just a matter of leg work
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- Location
- Potato land
Sorry to hear you aren't feeling well @Velorien. On the flip side, it'll now be up to @eaglejarl to write the internal monologue of a teenage boy musing about his crush, so the next update might be quite funny.
Ah, and so the villain of CfG is finally revealed. The *players* have entered the scene.
Ah, and so the villain of CfG is finally revealed. The *players* have entered the scene.
- Location
- Yes.
*screaming in QM*