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Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

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Velorien said:
This is (probably) not the entirety of the update, though it sure feels like one after all the planning and dice rolling and redoing the whole thing again because I miscalculated one thing. I don't know how @eaglejarl does it.
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@eaglejarl : Ah, so you see now just one of many reasons why those fractional exponents were such a pain in the ass.

Roomba said:
Like, what do you see as the point of this whole project, increase the quality of life for Fire Nation civilians by X%, mission accomplished? Ultimately, what we need to change are attitudes of ninja towards civilians themselves, and that is only doable by presenting a viable alternative, not being afraid to challenge the status quo out loud.

Like, seriously, if the proverbial Haru Yamamoto accuses us of talking about Uplift without actually doing anything, do you think he's going to be satisfied with "I paid some people to do it for me"? I don't think Hazou himself will be satisfied with that.
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I think you are vastly underestimating the amount of effort,time and resources it takes to run a charity organization.

I would rather we become "Director of the Uplift Charity Program" than take a one time trip for some good PR.

Roomba said:
For the record, when you talk about clanless kids, is that in reference to that idea about post-curricular training for academy students? I'm willing to trade support for that one for yours for the uplift tour, if you're willing.
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No I mean, genuinely employing a bunch of these teenage clanless year old nin to do this sort of thing on a continuous basis.

Ex: Nakano apparently didn't get many decent paying missions throughout the last four years of his life. I don't expect this is rare. Let's change that.

Roomba said:
That entirely depends on what kind of research we're talking about, and what the expected utility of it is. I can see prioritizing a great many social activities over the chakra quantification proposal, for example, as the latter provides us little to no benefit, and is not unlikely to eat a significant amount of time.
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Well, clearing out our massive backlog of ideas or at least attempting them for one. Even just one or two ideas on there could take a few months of 4-days-a-week (ish) spent researching.
 
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Nice fight scene, @Velorien, sucks that the crunch kept you from being able to write the other half of the chapter.

Now we need to scrap all our anti-Akimichi strategies and come up with some anti-Aburame ones.
 
@Inferno Vulpix's plan is cursed and will never be written, always to be derailed by interludes, clerical errors, lack of time, Lovecraftian horrors. Years, decades, centuries later, after the technological singularity and several paradigm shifts turn us all into literal hiveminds consisting of transcended hyperintelligent entities, we'll be consuming Marked for Death through a medium utterly incomprehensible to mere nearhumanbaseline minds, and we'll still be waiting for Jiraiya to find a clean shirt.

We shouldn't have tried to help him.
Velorien said:
Honestly, you can probably stop there.

KEIKO: [pokes Shino with a stick] What happened?

INO: So let me tell you about this thing called Mental Consequences...
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I don't understand. Are you implying that Keiko is unfamiliar with the concept of Mental Consequences? That's... Is it a hint that she is lupchanzed? Is that why we can't have a conversation with her? Oh dear.
 
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Noumero said:
@Inferno Vulpix's plan is cursed and will never be written, always to be derailed by interludes, clerical errors, lack of time, Lovecraftian horrors.
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It's my fault actually:

MMKII said:
[x] Happy Valentines Day, Gouketsu Hazou

  • Arrange a very complicated series of interactions disguised as dates.
    • Ami is there thinking its a date between Hazou and her.
    • Panjandrum is there thinking he is on a date with Panchipama.
    • Kiba is there thinking its a date between him and Ikeda.
    • Ikeda is there thinking its a date between her and Miko(who is totally in Mist).
    • Ino is there thinking its a date between you and Ami and is there for the gossip.
    • Noburi is there thinking its a date between him and Gisuji.
    • Kiri is there thinking its a date between her and Noburi.
    • Teuchi is there on a dinner date with Teuchi.
      • Arrange for Teuchi to bring the Akatsuki book, and accidentally lose it somewhere where we'll be later able to pick it up.
    • Panchipama is NOT there on a date with Panjandrum.
    • Hana is there thinking its a date between Ami's lungs and a bathtub of freezing water.
    • Hinata is there on a mystery date after recieiving a mysterious note accompanied by a lewd message spelled out in flowers.
    • Ren is there on a date with Gisuji.
    • Shikamaru is there thinking its an instance of two individuals spending a day together in order to facilitate greater mutual knowledge and familiarity, arranged in anticipation of a potential long-term relationship between him and Keiko.
    • Keiko is there thinking its a date between her kunai and Hazou's squishy interior.
    • Gisuji is actually there on five different dates.
    • Pandaa is there thinking its a date with Panchipama.
    • Chouji is there on a date with some hot appetizing grub.
    • Nameless Kurosawa Proctor from Event 5 is there thinking its a date with a mystery man Jonin known as ANBU Captain Gaz Patcho
    • Shin is there because someone told him in advance of Hazou's nice date with Kiri (he's plotting to ally with the Wakahisa???).
    • Asuma is there on a date with Kakashi.
    • Kurenai is there on a date with the bottom of a sake jug.
    • Zabuza is there on a date with destiny.
    • Hazou is not there.
  • Stay in your bed with a nice book, some cookies, and hot chocolate.
    • Turn your thoughts towards the subject of romance and reminisce about past opportunities gone by.
    • *snort*
    • After you're done laughing, take out your WMD blueprints from the book and start revising.
      • Design seven WMDs, simultaneous use of which would obliterate all of reality.
      • Destroy the blueprints for one of them.
      • This will be important later when the plebs find out.
    • You'll call it "Armageddon Initiative." when its done.
    • After an hour of revision, fold it up and tuck it safely next to your Profile of Many Minoris and the ten page list of things Jiraiya and Kagome told you you weren't allowed to do with Force Walls just yet.
    • Go to bed and sleep the sleep that only an absolute madman can have.
  • Just kidding you're still awake its 11pm remember that time when you said that embarassing thing in the middle of taijutsu class during your second year in the academy?
    • Oh no you're definitely remembering it now Hazou, abort mission think happy thoughts!
    • You accidentally think of Akane
      • Whoops. Big oof.
    • Wipe the tears away and get back to sleep. You are fine. Your heart is not broken into a thousand tiny shards of glass.
    • Make sure to listen to the voices that are lulling you slowly to sleep.
      • We're your bestest friends! :) :) :)
  • All according to Shikaku
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Velorien said:
Amendment: voting is extended until this becomes the winning plan.
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So anyone opposed to making a dramatic enterance when we approach Mountain. Have several giant pangolins roll in. Declaring that the Heir of Ui, the daughter of The Fire Shadow, the Queen of Ice and, the bride of shadows Keiko Goketsu requires her loyal servant Takahashi to attend her at his earliest convenience.
 
Oneiros said:
So anyone opposed to making a dramatic enterance when we approach Mountain. Have several giant pangolins roll in. Declaring that the Heir of Ui, the daughter of The Fire Shadow, the Queen of Ice and, the bride of shadows Keiko Goketsu requires her loyal servant Takahashi to attend her at his earliest convenience.
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"Her loyal servant" may be a bit too on-the-nose for our entrance when we don't know how much Takahashi's concentrated power, but we can easily substitute it for something more neutral like 'her loyal stead' (that is, the person ruling Mountain in the stead of the Heir of Ui, which is true no matter how much Takahashi will resist our influence).

We could then figure out what Takahashi's been up to and adjust our statements accordingly.
 
Inferno Vulpix said:
"Her loyal servant" may be a bit too on-the-nose for our entrance when we don't know how much Takahashi's concentrated power, but we can easily substitute it for something more neutral like 'her loyal stead' (that is, the person ruling Mountain in the stead of the Heir of Ui, which is true no matter how much Takahashi will resist our influence).

We could then figure out what Takahashi's been up to and adjust our statements accordingly.
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We could just summon all the elders to meet with us individually.
 
Cariyaga said:
We genuinely can't afford that after the stunt we pulled on the international stage.
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Can't we? Why? For the record, I don't really regret pulling that stunt, so long as it doesn't cost Jiraiya the hat. In terms of Hazou's public image, I find it perfectly acceptable.

Cariyaga said:
Then that's a problem Hazou will have to work through himself, because that is helping.
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It is helping, but it is not a strong signal of commitment. Not from someone perceived to be very rich.

MMKII said:
I think you are vastly underestimating the amount of effort,time and resources it takes to run a charity organization.

I would rather we become "Director of the Uplift Charity Program" than take a one time trip for some good PR.
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Why not both? Part of the reason to go personally is to get some practical experience in implementing Tsunade's suggestions. We don't actually know how that will go, or what civilians themselves want, or think they want.

The "Uplift Charity Program" will also require personnel, and trustworthy personnel can be found via connections, which are easier made in person. Initially, the main point of the tour was to get closer to the people who sign up, see if we can't use them as a basis for a proper organization.

MMKII said:
No I mean, genuinely employing a bunch of these teenage clanless year old nin to do this sort of thing on a continuous basis.

Ex: Nakano apparently didn't get many decent paying missions throughout the last four years of his life. I don't expect this is rare. Let's change that.
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I'm not sure we can actually do that? I mean, we can submit a mission request to the Hokage Tower. I don't think we get to decide who takes it. Or, at minimum, excluding clan ninja from this initiative is not going to reflect well on us politically.

Generally speaking, helping the clanless is going to be much more of a political hot iron than Uplift. The clans may consider Hazou a weirdo for wanting to help civilians, but since civilians don't matter, it's ultimately a harmless eccentricity. Wanting to empower the clanless, on the other hand, undermines Konoha's established power structure. It's very serious business. We'll need to move very carefully and be sure to maintain deniability at every step. Helping establish a sort of mutual help and training/apprenticeship centre for all ninja (which would naturally benefit the clanless more) might be doable. Setting up missions that clan members aren't allowed to take? That way be monsters, I fear.
 
Roomba said:
Why not both? Part of the reason to go personally is to get some practical experience in implementing Tsunade's suggestions. We don't actually know how that will go, or what civilians themselves want, or think they want.

The "Uplift Charity Program" will also require personnel, and trustworthy personnel can be found via connections, which are easier made in person. Initially, the main point of the tour was to get closer to the people who sign up, see if we can't use them as a basis for a proper organization.
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I'm pretty down with that. Acquiring more minions friends?

You should've just said so!

Velorien said:
And so we come all the way back around.
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In retrospect: that was still a very dangerous question for Hazou to ask.

There could just be a new fan club organized every week, after the old one gets tortured to death for Keiko's amusement.
 
So, assuming that we're helping Keiko (pending what actually happened once Jiraiya finds his shirt) plan against Shino, what's the strategy? Other than excessive explosives and Pangophobia. Is Shino still on "do not drain" orders for fear of petrification?
 
Halberdier said:
So, assuming that we're helping Keiko (pending what actually happened once Jiraiya finds his shirt) plan against Shino, what's the strategy? Other than excessive explosives and Pangophobia. Is Shino still on "do not drain" orders for fear of petrification?
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Depends.

In general: rain hellfire down on Shino from afar.

Pangaya can probably keep those bugs away while we do that with the Wind Push and/or eat or draw them away with the Noble Funnel.

Summon Pandojoru as well for some Defend the Log buffs up the wazoo to make this more effective, while we throw fuckoff explosives at Shino?

Most importantly:Keiko should carry Pandaa around, wearing him as a hat. He can lick up any bugs that cling to Keiko.
 
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As long as whatever the first Pangolin is can provide her cover to chug water, it'll be fine.
 
I thought we left mountain with the understanding that Pangolins are loved and would do good out in the world, but that it was Tapir country now.

Along with an undercurrent of 'Yeah you can visit, but not really...'
 
Orisha91 said:
I thought we left mountain with the understanding that Pangolins are loved and would do good out in the world, but that it was Tapir country now.

Along with an undercurrent of 'Yeah you can visit, but not really...'
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The Mountain tapirs aren't connected to the Seventh Path in any way. They're just trained tame chakra beasts or something and the village uses them to supplement their military. Pangolin's the only Seventh Path game in town.

Takahashi wants to reform and centralize Mountain in preparation for contact with the outside world, so he asked us to stay away for a year. Depending on how that went down we could have a position in the village anywhere from 'religious figurehead' (if Takahashi was very successful in gaining loyalties and centralizing power) to 'theocratic leader' (if Takahashi failed horribly and the village is gripped by religious zeal) and there's no real way to know right now.

e: I should point out that it sounds very unlikely that we'd be able to stroll in and claim 'theocratic leader' power as simple as that. Even in most of the cases where the village is gripped by religious zeal we should expect the religious leaders of the village to try and use Keiko as a pawn while holding de facto leadership of the village.

The simple fact of the matter is that we have few connections in Mountain while these people have had forever to build loyalties. While no-one would outright disagree with Keiko's religious prominence (unless things have gone really south) we're going to work hard if we want to leverage that into secular power.
 
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Cariyaga said:
As long as whatever the first Pangolin is can provide her cover to chug water, it'll be fine.
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Except, drinking chakra water has already been called out and frowned upon. Even if we don't get DQed for it, everyone powerful will know we did it, which makes it look necessary, as opposed to flippant like the first time. In theory I wouldn't hate a world in which we won the finals without summoning at all, but Shino is not a good match up for that.
 
Halberdier said:
Except, drinking chakra water has already been called out and frowned upon. Even if we don't get DQed for it, everyone powerful will know we did it, which makes it look necessary, as opposed to flippant like the first time. In theory I wouldn't hate a world in which we won the finals without summoning at all, but Shino is not a good match up for that.
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Yes, that's why I clarified that the pangolin provide her cover.
 
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