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Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

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Noumero said:
Alright, now that there is no chance I accidentally bring about the outcome I don't want:

I have an interesting idea on how we could defeat Keiko, based on @MadScientist's observation that our Deceit is much higher than hers.

In general: We could cause Keiko to surrender by making her think that we are about to cause an unrecoverable OPSEC breach of international proportions. Come up with some strategy that ends in us winning through the use of a classified tool, start enacting it, draw it out (letting Keiko deduce it), then ensure that the only way she could stop us sufficiently fast is immediate tap out.

Specifics may differ; I'm not a tactician. Directional explosives? Poor Man's Yellow Flash? Blatant macerator usage? More armor? Skywalkers? Whatever works best.
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Do you think this may have worked?
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Other audience members may notice and deduce that we have this OPSEC-sensitive thing. Which makes this plan...it might work, but the consequences might not be worth victory.
 
Noumero said:
Alright, now that there is no chance I accidentally bring about the outcome I don't want:

I have an interesting idea on how we could defeat Keiko, based on @MadScientist's observation that our Deceit is much higher than hers.

In general: We could cause Keiko to surrender by making her think that we are about to cause an unrecoverable OPSEC breach of international proportions. Come up with some strategy that ends in us winning through the use of a classified tool, start enacting it, draw it out (letting Keiko deduce it), then ensure that the only way she could stop us sufficiently fast is immediate tap out.

Specifics may differ; I'm not a tactician. Directional explosives? Poor Man's Yellow Flash? Blatant macerator usage? More armor? Skywalkers? Whatever works best.
​
Do you think this may have worked?
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Keiko would totally call our bluff on intentionally breaking OPSEC on international-scale secrets. If we wanted this to work we'd have to signal to Keiko that we're about to unintentionally break international-scale OPSEC, which is much more tricky.
 
Noumero said:
Alright, now that there is no chance I accidentally bring about the outcome I don't want:

I have an interesting idea on how we could defeat Keiko, based on @MadScientist's observation that our Deceit is much higher than hers.

In general: We could cause Keiko to surrender by making her think that we are about to cause an unrecoverable OPSEC breach of international proportions. Come up with some strategy that ends in us winning through the use of a classified tool, start enacting it, draw it out (letting Keiko deduce it), then ensure that the only way she could stop us sufficiently fast is immediate tap out.

Specifics may differ; I'm not a tactician. Directional explosives? Poor Man's Yellow Flash? Blatant macerator usage? More armor? Skywalkers? Whatever works best.
​
Do you think this may have worked?
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
It runs the risk of implying we have clever secret things.

I suppose we could have tried to defeat her with "Pretty Pink Pony no Jutsu"
 
faflec said:
Other audience members may notice and deduce that we have this OPSEC-sensitive thing. Which makes this plan...it might work, but the consequences might not be worth victory.
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MMKII said:
It runs the risk of implying we have clever secret things.
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Isn't that the standard assumption to have anyway? Assume your enemy has a hidden secret they haven't revealed that. Just because (you think you) know they have one doesn't mean you know what it is.
 
Tua said:
Isn't that the standard assumption to have anyway? Assume your enemy has a hidden secret they haven't revealed that. Just because (you think you) know they have one doesn't mean you know what it is.
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Hazou is clearly a complete idiot.

There is no way he's capable of clever anything, the incompetent fool.

He blows OPSEC on clan secrets in front of a few thousand people and then spills the beans with the first blond that decides to wink his way!

 
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MMKII said:
Hazou is clearly a complete idiot.

There is no way he's capable of clever anything, the incompetent fool.

He blows OPSEC on clan secrets in front of few thousand people and then spills the beans with the first blond that decides to wink his way!

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Considering how the Nara pride themselves at being able to predict and prevent disasters before they happen, I'd like to imagine that this is Shikaku regretting the fact that Shikamaru wasn't born a blonde girl to stave off this disaster.
 
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Chapter 240.1: Another Summoner...'s Student
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    • Chapter 240.1: Another Summoner...'s Student​

    "So, anything the two of you want to say?"

    Hazō had tuned out for the entire pre-battle speech; by now he'd heard it enough times that there was no point. As usual, it had been carefully phrased so that the civilians would hear excitement and spectacle while the ninja would hear barbs against the Leaf contestants. (Which, in this fight, was both of them, because Mist sucked and Leaf ruled.) Now, however, they were getting to the pre-battle banter and it was time to pay attention again. Hopefully one or both of them would let some useful intel slip.

    "Go ahead, Kiba," Ino said with a smile and a gesture of invitation. "I can tell you're excited to recite all the insults that your team put together. Get them off your chest before you forget."

    Inuzuka glared at her. "Hey! That's not...I mean—" He broke off, objections almost visibly crashing together in his brain as he tried to figure out which part to object to and how.

    "It's cool," Ino said, patting him on the shoulder reassuringly. "I know school was always hard for you, but it's not your fault. Not everyone can be smart, and you're good at...." She paused, frowning for a moment, before her face lit up. "Tracking! You do a great job interpreting between your team and Akamaru when he's tracking bad guys."

    "Hey!" Inuzuka said again, knocking her hand aside. "Shut it! You aren't all that yourself, you know!"

    The audience laughed.

    Ino smiled and stretched lazily, causing Inuzuka's eyes to pop out of his head and a few of the young men in the audience to wolf-whistle. The young woman really did look amazing; her ninja uniform was expertly tailored to flatter, her hair was carefully arranged in a braided golden rope as thick as Hazō's wrist, and her skintight black silk gloves were covered in abstract white designs that served to catch the eye. Probably intentionally, as it therefore drew the eye away from whatever else she might be doing. Still, they looked amazing.

    "That's hurtful," she said. "So, all those times you asked me out it was because you didn't think I was all that? Boy, I'm glad I turned you down flat each time. I've got more self-respect than to go out with someone who doesn't think I'm that great."

    "You didn't...I mean...I—"

    Ino stepped back slightly, only-slightly-obviously wiping off the hand that had touched Inuzuka. "Oh, hey, speaking of that. Did you finally get up the nerve to ask out that girl from Sand?"

    Inuzuka blushed. "That's not—"

    Ino shook her head. "You didn't, did you?" She sighed. "Here, I'll help." She turned to the audience and cupped her hands around her mouth. "Hey! Ikeda Tsukiko! Kiba here thinks you're the hottest thing on two legs and would love to go out with you! He's even tried writing poetry! Please, for the mercy of the Sage, go get dinner with him so he'll shut up about your 'full lips' and 'really pretty hair' and 'massive b—'"

    "Quiet!" Inuzuka said, grabbing her arm and blushing furiously.

    Ino twisted her arm out of his grip. "Come on, Kiba! Put on your big-boy pants and man up. I keep telling you: You can't win if you don't try. Name of the Sage, I even told you what to do! Take a bath—without Akamaru, since the whole point is to stop smelling like wet dog—buy yourself some decent clothes—"

    "I have decent clothes!"

    She snorted and folded her arms, eyeing him up and down in amusement. "Really? Really?! I know your clan isn't the richest around, but I offered to loan you the money." She shook her head. "Speaking of which, I still say that you need to tell your Clan Head what I told you—being able to interact with dogs is great, but you guys need to learn how to talk to people too. I mean, seriously, does your family tree even branch? You need to convince some new people to join up before your blood gets weak."

    Inuzuka's nin-dog and combat partner, Akamaru, was currently sprawled out across his head in much the same way that Fifi liked to sprawl on Hazō's. At Ino's words he jumped down and growled.

    "Awww, you are so cute! I just can't get over how adorable you are, Akamaru. You sure you don't want to leave this guy and come live with me? I bet I do much better belly rubs."

    Akamaru paused for a split-second, then shook his head and made a spitting noise that a dog should not have been capable of. He turned and scratched at the ground, throwing dirt on Ino's legs like a dog covering its waste.

    "Well, looks like I've been told off," Ino said, laughing. "See, Kiba? That's how you insult someone. Maybe you should take notes." The audience laughed.

    "All right, you two," the judge said. "That's enough. Empty hands and into the arena before using jutsu. Go!"

    "Catch me if you can!" Ino cried, leaping over the edge of the quarry and racing forward. Akamaru and Inuzuka were just a second later off the mark, racing after her all the way out to the center of the arena. At which point Ino turned and waved before flicking off a series of handseals: Boar, Ram, Tiger, Tiger, Horse. "Buh-bye, loser! Ino/Shika/Chō Clan-Secret Technique: Shields of Steel!" She crouched down and thrust her palm into the air. An instant later, a dome appeared around her, blocking her from sight. It appeared a bare inch above the ground and dropped down with a clang and a puff of grit, forming a hemisphere of protection around the Yamanaka scion.

    Hazō sat up straight in shock. This was no technique Hazō had ever heard of, and certainly had nothing in common with the Yamanaka's famed mindwalking techniques. Why would Ino be showing off a clan trump card in what was effectively a sparring match?! For that matter, what did it mean that this was an 'Ino/Shika/Chō Clan-Secret Technique'? Were the three clans actually sharing jutsu? Just how tightly allied were they?

    He frowned, studying what he was seeing. It wasn't actually a proper dome. It was perhaps five feet high at the highest point, with a ten-foot diameter, but it was made of many flat planes, overlapping one another like the scales of a pangolin. It did seem like it was steel; he'd need to be closer to be sure, but—

    In the fraction of time Hazō's mind spent evaluating the dome and speculating on its political implications, Inuzuka's mind had clearly evaluated the dome as an obstacle and decided how to deal with it: He snatched a pair of kunai from his belt and leaped, stabbing down to convert the momentum of his run into a vicious attack.

    Just as he struck, a hand-sized section of the dome slid aside and Ino's voice could be heard from within: "Ino/Shika/Chō Clan-Secret Technique: Steel Bullet!"

    Inuzuka was trapped in a ballistic arc, unable to dodge the projectile that leaped out of the dome. Fortunately, Akamaru was there; the dog planted all four feet on his master's back and leaped. The dog went one way, the human went another, and a fist-sized chunk of metal zipped between them. For a moment, Hazō held his breath as he watched the attack arc up and up, aimed directly for the audience, terrified that he was seeing the end of Leaf's presence in the tournament.

    Through skill or good fortune it fell short, burying itself in the south wall of the arena. Hazō and all the other Leaf ninja breathed a sigh of relief.

    Inuzuka was off balance from Akamaru's push, but he still managed to hit the dome kunai-first. The point of the weapon skittered off, trailing a screaming-metal line down the side of the protective shape until Inuzuka's fall rolled him over. He hit the ground on palms and soles, then promptly bounded away, moving north in an arc that looped west. Akamaru came on the opposite arc, meeting his partner midway.

    "Inuzuka Clan Technique: Fang Over Fang!"

    Dog and boy leaped, came together mid-air, and merged into an eye-blurring wheel that struck the ground and tore into it, throwing sand and dirt and rocks everywhere. The wheel sank in like a person into lightning sand, disappearing below the surface into the newly-formed trench.

    "Drop the dome and come out, Ino!" Inuzuka shouted. "I know you! You can't hit the broad side of a barn, so those Steel Bullets aren't going to do you any good, and your chakra reserves are for shit! Come out and face us! I promise we'll make it painless."

    Ino's laugh floated across the arena, ringing out from her metal enclosure. "Oh, little pup. Never were that bright, were you? I'm part of the Ino-Shika-Chō, you idiot, and we know the long con. I've spent the last decade pretending I had tiny reserves, pretending that I wasn't as good as I am at anything. Just silly Ino, queen bee, right? Pretty girl that no one takes seriously, too concerned about her clothes and her looks to be a real ninja. That's what you think of me, isn't it?"

    "Yeah! Because it's what you are!"

    "You're an idiot, Kiba. Me and my team earned more points in the Exams than the next seven ninja combined! My sensei is Sarutobi Asuma, you nutwhack! The son of the Third Hokage, the God of Shinobi! You think he would accept me as a student if I were nothing more than the shell I've shown you? You think that, having accepted me, he wouldn't take me and Shika and Chōji over to his clan compound to get pointers from his father? How stupid are you?!"

    Inuzuka was below ground level, hiding in his trench, but Hazō could easily imagine him going pale. Certainly, when next he spoke his voice was struggling to sound confident.

    "Yeah, well, you still got nothing! You can't hit me and I brought a bunch of explosives—"

    "Learned from the Gōketsu after they wrecked you in the fifth event, huh?"

    "Shut up! Anyway, I brought lots of explosives. Come on out and fight me or I'll blow your dome down! Not my fault if you get hurt, either! I warned you!"

    "Oh, Kiba, Kiba, Kiba...you really just aren't that bright, are you? I just reminded you that I studied under the son of the Third. You know what else the Third was aside from Hokage, Professor, and God of Shinobi?"

    There was a long pause. When it came, Inuzuka's words were almost reluctant, as though he were answering despite himself.

    "What?"

    "The Monkey Summoner. Guess whose sensei got the scroll after the Third died?" She paused just long enough to let the eyes of every ninja in the audience go wide, and then she cried out: "Monkey Clan Technique: Rain of Stabby Things!"

    Another panel slid open, this one at the top of the dome. There was a clanging sound as though someone had slammed two forge hammers together and something came flying out of the dome. A warty cylinder, perhaps four inches across and a foot long, shot upwards like an arrow from a bow, arcing impossibly high. Midway up its arc it exploded with a faint crack. The sound was no louder than a training tag, but it carried a sense of doom that shivered down Hazō's back.

    The cylinder separated, its various components tumbling away to be revealed as a dozen finned darts, each as thick as Hazō's thumb and a foot long. Point-heavy, their tumble rapidly stabilized and they fell, sharp end down, across a wide area. Too wide, as only one came even remotely close to the trench where Inuzuka cowered.

    "Hah! You missed! I said you couldn't aim for crap!"

    "Wait for it, dumbass."

    An instant later a rain of steel exploded from the upward-pointing end of each dart. Dozens of short-spined caltrops flew from the back of each dart, spraying across the landscape and yes, down into the trench.

    "OW! Fuck you, you raging bitch!"

    "Aww, didums get poked?" Ino called back, laughing. "It's not an attack jutsu, idiot. It's area denial. All your attacks depend on running and spinning, right? Have fun moving around now that the ground is full of stabby things. And yes, that's what the Monkeys insist on calling it. You'd like them—they're just as crass as you are. Smarter and less awful at ninjaing, but what can you do?"

    "THAT'S IT! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU! Inuzuka Clan-Secret Technique: Fangs From Above!"

    Inuzuka came flying out of the trench as though a giant had whirled him around and thrown. He covered the distance to the dome in a single bound, slapped down a pair of tags...and froze.

    Hazō waited, barely noticing that he'd stopped breathing, as Inuzuka stood up and hurled the tags away.

    "Ohhhh, I'm a sailor upon the sea / The only job for stupid old me," the boy sang, starting to untie the laces of his uniform shirt. "Tried for ninja on a day so free / The toe of the boot they gave to me." He pulled the shirt over his head and methodically cut it to pieces, singing all the while. "Tried for brewer on a day so clear / Spilled the water and soured the beer." He tossed aside the rags that remained and bent to remove his shoes. "Tried for writer on a day so nice / But I'm too stupid to earn my rice."

    Akamaru peeked over the edge of the trench and saw his partner starting to cut his own pants off. He promptly went into a paroxysm of barking and howling before hopping up out of cover and making his way across the thickly-sown field of caltrops as fast as he could manage, barking steadily as he went.

    Inuzuka froze, his whole body quivering as though struggling to lift a mountain. His hand opened convulsively, dropping the kunai. It hit the metal dome with a clang and slid away.

    An instant later, his internal battle against the power of the Yamanaka clan ended. He whipped his pants off, leaving himself dressed only in boxers. He jumped off the dome and raced towards the south wall of the arena, waving his pants above his head and shouting. Every few steps he yelped and hopped a few steps as he pulled a caltrop out of his foot, but he kept running.

    "I surrender!" he shouted. He reached the wall and raced up it, shouting the whole way. "Ino wins, because she's way more awesome than I am!" He crested the wall and raced up to the judges' stand, where he proceeded to caper. "I surrender, because I'm a total coward and a loser who loses! Also, I'm dirty and smelly and stupid and a total coward and smelly! And did I mention stupid?! I should never have dared to fight a member of the Ino-Shika-Chō, because I am not worthy!"

    No sooner had the words left his mouth than Akamaru came over the edge of the quarry and leaped on him from behind, nipping and scratching at him as the two went to the grass. Inuzuka clearly regained control of his body only inches from the ground; he hit hard, bloodying his nose.

    "DAMNIT, INO!"

    From the quarry below, mocking laughter drifted up from where Ino still sheltered inside the dome. A moment later the structure disappeared and the Yamanaka heir began the tedious process of picking up all the steel darts and caltrops.




    Author's Notes:

    XP will be awarded later. There should be at least one more scene (Shikamaru vs Ito) out before Monday, and hopefully also your fight against Keiko.

    There will be no voting.
     
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