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Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

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So, short-term...this seems like a good opportunity for us to make nice (like, make contacts) with the rest of our squad.
 
Very satisfying update, it's great to see everything turn out so spectacularly. Also great to see that we won't be running on FP fumes for our grand defense next round.

I'm especially happy that the proctor stuck around like that. Not only did he give very entertaining reactions to the sheer absurdity of our ploys, he serves as a witness for the Kages, able to relay a firsthand depiction of our performance so what we do does not get neglected (conveniently, he only showed up after we stopped relying on Jiraiya's seals, so that's nice). I wonder what the other genin will be saying tomorrow. Most of them will be walking all funny too, I don't want to miss out on that.
 
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That was a really fun update!

So who's in favor of finally getting in touch with Hana on our break day?
 
Is dragging the rest of the Red team along politically viable? In the name of strengthening international relations.

Also, I like the idea of roping Hana into the celebration.
 
Not to look a gift chakra-horse in the acid-sprayer, but shouldn't Haga have had to roll against the Poison Cloud, given that she substituted directly into it?
 
Ah, that was well worth the wait. Our victory was crushing and total. Nobody escaped, which is the best case scenario. All our real opposition in the next round will have Moderate Consequences!
 
By the way, can I suggest that in the future, fate point expenditures for Declarations are more spread out for things that affect the group as a whole? Hazou's eating a lot of those costs for things that affect Keiko or Noburi equally, and it's deflating his FP pool at the same time as theirs are inflated. For instance, Noburi or Keiko could have eaten the fate point cost for declaring easy to steal alcohol.

@eaglejarl @Velorien @OliWhail

KaGoGoGadgetMe said:
Not to look a gift chakra-horse in the acid-sprayer, but shouldn't Haga have had to roll against the Poison Cloud, given that she substituted directly into it?
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She was prepared for it and holding her breath, then moved out of it.
 
thamuzz said:
Is dragging the rest of the Red team along politically viable? In the name of strengthening international relations.

Also, I like the idea of roping Hana into the celebration.
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Jiraiya taking his kids along with him, even though it's completely flaunting the rules, is both somewhat expected (as it's well within character for him), and probably doesn't disturb the other kage much. Him taking an extra six no-name genin from a random selection of minor villages, just because his kids like them, would be a much bigger move. Giving exceptions to what the kage likely perceive as randos like that would be very disturbing.
 
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Aabcehmu said:
Jiraiya taking his kids along with him, even though it's completely flaunting the rules, is both somewhat expected, well within character for him, and probably doesn't disturb the other kage much. Him taking an extra six no-name genin from a random selection of minor villages, just because his kids like them, would be a much bigger move. Giving exceptions to what the kage likely perceive as randos like that would be very disturbing.
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Velorien said:
Red Team One were given no opportunity to protest as they found themselves herded off to an evening of debauchery alongside the Toad Sage.
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thamuzz said:
Is dragging the rest of the Red team along politically viable? In the name of strengthening international relations.

Also, I like the idea of roping Hana into the celebration.
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Whole team was brought along. I'm quite certain that Hana will find us herself.
 
We should let Pandaa join the party!

Also give the engineer the exact fort layout.

But mostly party! See if we can send some snacks to ISC, let them know what they are missing.
 
Alright, so this hasn't been talked about, but, uh...
MMKII said:
I'm not really that good at these but I figured I'd try my luck. Inspired by Immortal Lurker's earlier piece. Coincidentally thread discussion headed this way too around the time of me posting this, fancy that?


30 Day Return Policy

Jiraiya was sitting at a round table in the center of the Mizukage's office. Spread out on opposite sides of the table equidistant from each other were the other four Kage. Directly opposite him, with a hauntingly blank face, sat the Mizukage Ren. To his right the Tsuchikage Ohnoki sat with a grimace, rubbing his back with one hand and cursing under his breath. To his left sat A, a wolfish grin plastered across his face, a smile highlighted by the white streaks of his pencil thin mustache. The 3.5th Kazekage sat to his left with a perplexed expression, almost as if he had forgotten his own name. Each of the five were flanked by their honor guard, two elite Jonin from each of the five main villages. At the center of the table was the hourglass keeping track of time in the fifth event. It was necessary that all of the Kage were present to keep track of it, for sake of fairness. It still had about twenty hours left to go.

As grains of sand dropped down from the top of the hourglass, so too did beads of sweat slide down the back of Jiraiya's neck.

Jiraiya paused, looking at Ren desperately. He needed to play this one perfectly, or he'd be skinned alive afterwards.

"Do you even have any Jonin left?"

Ren peered at him mysteriously, before her mouth split open into one of her numerous bullshit diplo-bitch Iron Nerve grins. Jiraiya's stomach sunk out of the bottom of his shoes.

"No. Go fish."

Jiraiya let out a groan as A roared victoriously, before taking half of Jiraiya's hand the next round. Ohnoki slammed the table with his fist.

"I absolutely detest this game, how about instead we play a game of Old Mai-"

Before Ohnoki could finish his sentence, a pair of Mist ANBU burst through the office doors. They skidded to a stop and knelt before the five of them. Jiraiya looked on with a stony face and glanced at the rest of the kage.

Whatever this is, it can't be good, he mused.

"Momoshiki, please report." Ren commanded with a raised eyebrow.

The leftmost ANBU started speaking.

"Ma'am, there have been some complication with the fifth event. There's uh... well you should see for yourself. It's... they're- they're right outside the office." the ANBU managed to stammer out.

"What in the seven paths is going on here, woman!?" A thundered out.

It was a testament to the two ANBU that they didn't break down then and there.

Ren got up from the table and strode to her office window. Peering out, just for an instant, she froze.

"What the sea devil-"

She strode back from the window.

"We'll let our guard monitor the clock but I suspect its no longer needed. If you would please follow me outside, my fellow Kage."

The five made their way out to the entrance of the building with due haste. The sight at the steps was equal parts miraculous and disastrous, depending on your perspective. Ren's expression was as cold as a sheet of ice. A and the Kazekage wore stern frowns, but their eyebrows and facial cues betrayed hints of confusion. Ohnoki rubbed his eyes in disbelief. Jiraiya...

Jiraiya broke out into a savage grin.


At the bottom of the steps stood 9 ninja, of various origin. Two from Fang, one from Wolf. Another from Sky, one from River, and an additional one from Rice.

The remaining three ninja were his kids.

The group stood triumphantly, expressions that looked a little bit bored, a little bit tired, but definitely, assuredly smug. Hazou was grinning triumphantly, Keiko had a bit of a smirk, and Noburi looked like the cat that ate the canary.

Behind the group of nine, stood a squad of 7 pangolins, about half of which were absolutely massive. To one side of this group stood the Ino-Shika-Cho trio, tied and bound together,badly bruised and with the occasional cut, but otherwise conscious.

To the other side of the pangolins lay a massive merchants cart, filled to the brim with what looked like unconscious bodies.

Ren's face could have been carved out of ice, but a gleam in her eyes betrayed a hint of curiosity.

"What is this?"

Noburi opened his mouth.

"60 genin, return to sender. With all due respect you guys might want to send these ones back to the academy, because... well, how to put it..." he trailed off.

Hazou stepped up and pointedly look Ren in the eye, before doing the same to each of the other 3 kage present that weren't his adopted father.

"Your genin are shit."
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We basically just did this, only more diplomatically?

Holy shit.
 
Cariyaga said:
Alright, so this hasn't been talked about, but, uh...

We basically just did this, only more diplomatically?

Holy shit.
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I know! I was squeeling too!

Aside: Having double read the update I think tonights party should give us some serious opportunity to build some bonds with everyone else on Red Team One.

And i love that, because Jiraiya has tactfully done this in a way that lets us do this but simultaneously get a lot of preptime afterwards. Awesome.

Pan-Continental-Alliance is a go!
 
Velorien said:
"You..." said the proctor.

The toad turned its head, wide-set eyes flicking around. "You must be Jiraiya's children. You appear to be following in your father's footsteps regarding collateral damage."

A brief surge of rage spiked through Hazō at the phrase 'your father', but he ground it under his heel and smiled a perfect smile. "This wasn't actually collateral damage, sir. Pretty much entirely deliberate damage, actually."

"You destroyed the building!"

Hazō and Noburi exchanged puzzled looks.

"Yes...?" Noburi asked. "No one said that was against the rules."

"Actually, the proctor very explicitly said it was okay," Hazō noted helpfully. "I believe his exact words were 'You're welcome to blow shit up as much as you like.'" He gestured towards the smoldering and half-collapsed building. "This was how much shit we wanted to blow up."

"This isn't even your assigned target!!!"

More puzzled looks were exchanged.

"And...?"
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Dammit @eaglejarl you're gonna get me yelled at by my PI for giggling in lab one of these days :D
 
Supermushu said:
NEVER! THE HAPPY ENDING WILL BE ACHIEVED!
<.<
>.>
Believe it!
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Yay!

Also, welcome to the thread! Nice to have you.

Supermushu said:
As long as Akane is first wife.......

On the subject of breaking the setting, has anyone decided to look at Rock Lee's weights yet? Because I have a plan

1. Set seal to multiply mass by a factor of roughly 10^12* when triggered remotely
2. Throw seemingly useless seal at opponent
3. Trigger seal
4. Watch as a black hole roughly 2cm* across is formed
5. Black hole will act as infinitely sharp bullet that will pierce through anything without slowing down
6. Realise this lets you snipe people through any cover, including being on the opposite side of the planet and "shooting" straight through it as long as a good spotter *coughByakugancough* is used
7. Invent Latitude and Longitude co-ordinates to enable spotting- or better yet, lure enemies to a predetermined spot on the other side of the world via shadow clone or other method
8. ???
9. Profit
10. Spend money on a fabulous wedding ceremony for Akane

* Depending on the unmodified weight of the mass the seal is attached to- for this plan i set it to a nice 100g- and so can be thrown faster than an average kunai.
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Oh great, another one. I take back the "nice to have you."

/me dials the Bayer aspirin sales department number from memory and doubles the usual order

Oneiros said:
Exactly. Our boys are total idiots some times! We could have hid it somewhere

Edit: also incredibly great chapter
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Glad you liked it. :>

As to the barrel: everyone agreed that there was no point in bringing it. You're all freshly refilled on chakra and the minute the person you stole the barrel from reported in, you would be forced to give it back. Destroying it could have political consequences that you didn't have enough information to predict, so better to just give it back and avoid the lecture.

Cariyaga said:
@eaglejarl @OliWhail @Velorien Were there any other Wakahisa whose barrels we actually managed to sneak past them?
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See above.

Cariyaga said:
@eaglejarl @Velorien @OliWhail

Was it ever decided if our consequences inflicted would affect initiative in the second round? I still fully support psychologically traumatizing them if not!

Also, it was stated that we'd have the chance to plan for the time after we took out all the teams but before we turned in; can we do that retroactively?
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Right now the leaning among the QMs is that most consequences, physical or mental, will not affect alertness. Something like "Drugged" might, but not "You Stabbed My Friggin' Foot!" This is not a ruling yet.

Also, I forgot about the planning bit. I've mentioned it to @Velorien and will see if I can convince him to allow that. If not, I'll hand out an extra helping of XP and FP on my next update. (You do not get to choose between the two!)

Sorry for the mistake.

MMKII said:
NITPICK:

@eaglejarl

Kurenai's Bunker
+
Shikamaru's Bunker
+
Touma's Bunker
+
The one we firebomb this update is all 4 blue teams. Should be "one Blue Team base left to deal with"
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Thanks. Will fix later.

KaGoGoGadgetMe said:
Not to look a gift chakra-horse in the acid-sprayer, but shouldn't Haga have had to roll against the Poison Cloud, given that she substituted directly into it?
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"...leaving a puff of orange smoke behind him as he raced towards Furui."

Aabcehmu said:
Jiraiya taking his kids along with him, even though it's completely flaunting the rules, is both somewhat expected (as it's well within character for him), and probably doesn't disturb the other kage much. Him taking an extra six no-name genin from a random selection of minor villages, just because his kids like them, would be a much bigger move. Giving exceptions to what the kage likely perceive as randos like that would be very disturbing.
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He's bringing all 9.
 
faflec said:
We should have disguised it as Noburi's barrel, while hiding Noburi's real barrel in the Seventh Path. And gotten chakra from our teammates/DQ'd Leaf-nin like last time to refill Noburi's reserves while still having chakra from Kiri's barrel.

Sorry, I didn't expect this.
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You should be happy you weren't given a chance to cause another international incident with this barrel thievery, frankly.
 
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