Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
It was my understanding that we had a lot of "these", but that Radvic specifically entertains himself by upping EJ's aspirin bill
Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
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- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard open voting
As far as I can tell, Impure World Reincarnation is a combination of seals and jutsu, suggesting that it required both Sealing and Technique Hacking to create. The teleportation thing as well.
Which should really not be much of shock, that the most powerful effects are achieved by munchkining together two different ways of breaking reality.
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Any transgression pales in comparison with what you have committed against Early Modern English here.
A few subtle changes, and bam! MfD canon.
- Location
- The Void
- Pronouns
- She/Her
- Location
- The Maple Syrup Mountains
Also we have been told that Edo Tensei was just an incredibly successful espionage myth, inspiring fear in Leaf's enemies at the idea of all of Leaf's most powerful ninja being raised from the dead. As for Flying Thunder God, well, chakra finds some things a lot easier to do than others. See how extradimensional storage seals are basic but anchoring an Air Dome to anything but the Earth is all but impossible.
- Location
- Europe
- Location
- Location Location
[/QUOTE]
For your first point, it IS true that a black hole would output several nuclear bombs of energy. All of that would be in the form of gamma radiation- the actual explosion would actually be comparatively small. Think of it as less of a grenade and more as one of the sparkes from a blast furnace- unimaginably hot, but it is gone too quickly to heat up much of the surrounding area, just irradiate worse than several chernobyls worth of radiation (unlike chernobyl, there is no fallout so after a week all is back to normal).
For the second...
1. It will not last long enough to eat much of anything
2. The idea of black holes acting like vacuum cleaners is actually a myth. To put it this way; say tomorrow everyone on earth was teleported away by an alien and then the earth collapsed into a black hole. If the alien came back and put a spherical frame around that black hole, blindfolded humans could walk on it just fine without realising that anything has changed- that is, the gravity of a black hole outside the event horizon is the same of that of its component mass, ignoring tidal effects. Our hypothetical black hole bullet would have a gravity of only 0.16g at 1.5m from it
3. The "zone" of tidal effects shrink with the size of the black hole, at the cost of the tidal effects within the zone becoming exponentially worse- as an example, for our bullet to tear a human apart would require it to be within ~0.3m of the target; and I very much hope we are smart enough to stay the hell away from any such bullet once fired.
For your first point, it IS true that a black hole would output several nuclear bombs of energy. All of that would be in the form of gamma radiation- the actual explosion would actually be comparatively small. Think of it as less of a grenade and more as one of the sparkes from a blast furnace- unimaginably hot, but it is gone too quickly to heat up much of the surrounding area, just irradiate worse than several chernobyls worth of radiation (unlike chernobyl, there is no fallout so after a week all is back to normal).
For the second...
1. It will not last long enough to eat much of anything
2. The idea of black holes acting like vacuum cleaners is actually a myth. To put it this way; say tomorrow everyone on earth was teleported away by an alien and then the earth collapsed into a black hole. If the alien came back and put a spherical frame around that black hole, blindfolded humans could walk on it just fine without realising that anything has changed- that is, the gravity of a black hole outside the event horizon is the same of that of its component mass, ignoring tidal effects. Our hypothetical black hole bullet would have a gravity of only 0.16g at 1.5m from it
3. The "zone" of tidal effects shrink with the size of the black hole, at the cost of the tidal effects within the zone becoming exponentially worse- as an example, for our bullet to tear a human apart would require it to be within ~0.3m of the target; and I very much hope we are smart enough to stay the hell away from any such bullet once fired.
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- Location
- Location Location
So why not pull mass from other dimensions?
- Location
- Potato land
I'm pretty sure the Schwarzschild radius of a 10^11 kg black hole is much lower than 2 cm. A 2 cm radius black hole would have mass more than twice that of Earth. I'm pretty sure that's not what you want.
I'm not 100% sure what a 10^11 kg black hole would do. Crude calculations say it wouldn't evaporate instantly, at least.
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Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
I'd bet that this is the cover story you get if you don't have Hokage level clearance or something.
My guess is that Edo Tensei works as one would think, minus the infinite chakra and the fact that the people you bring back come back horribly wrong.
Chapter 201: Storm Rising
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
"We have a problem," Keiko said.
"Hm?" Hazō said, his tone distracted by the fact that he was busy dragging Lightning Lad's last friend into one of the cells—there were still chakra beasts in the woods, and leaving unconscious ninja lying around in the open was just a slower way of killing them than slitting their throats.
"We have been winning too consistently."
Everyone on the team who wasn't part of Keiko's clan stared at her in incredulity.
"What are you talking about?" Ikemoto demanded. "I think it's great that we've been winning all of our fights."
"It is not that we are winning consistently, it is that we are consistently winning in the same way," said Keiko. "Our victories have been completely dependent on Jiraiya's Goo Bombs. We are not showing off our skills as ninja, we are showing off his skills as a sealmaster."
Haga shrugged. "Points are points. I'll take 'em however I can get 'em. Besides, we're ninja. Honor is for suckers; victory is what matters."
"Keiko's right," Noburi admitted. He looked over at Hazō. "Fix it."
Hazō stared back, appalled. "For fuck's sake, Nobby! What do you mean 'fix it'?!"
"Hey, it's not my job," Noburi said, grinning. "You come up with these crazy plans, Keiko tells you you're an idiot and fixes them, I mock you with my charming wit, then we kick ass, right? Isn't that how it's always worked?"
Hazō rubbed his face in exasperation. "Charming wit, huh? Half of it, anyway."
"Hop to it, tactics boy!" Noburi said, crossing his arms and tapping his toe expectantly. "I don't have all night."
"I am so going to short-sheet your bed every night next week," Hazō said. "Maybe slip pangolin peppers in your food, too."
Noburi cleared his throat significantly.
"Fine," Hazō grumbled. "We burned too much time on the bunker anyway, and we need to catch the rest of the red teams before they exfil. How about this...."
o-o-o-o
Rolls include all bonuses and penalties (including Consequences, chakra boost, fate points, and rerolls) unless explicitly stated otherwise.
Panashe, Stealth (find an enemy red team without being spotted, using nonstandard senses in well-suited conditions): ?
Enemy red team, highest Alertness: ?
Panashe is not spotted.
NOTE: I'm going to give the good guys a bonus surprise round where they all get to go before the bad guys. It's not how the rules are supposed to work, but (Doylist) I was already two hours deep into the planning before realizing that and (Watsonian) all the bad guys are suprised by the ambush and in pain so they are slow to react. Finally, the good guys are holding their actions until after Team Uplift go so as to let them have pride of place, since they came up with the plan and are supplying all the toys.
Pandamonium, Ranged Weapons (Hazō Earth Clone, express delivery): Sufficient to get it into the general area, which is all he's trying for.
Earth Clone: Carries small boulder (~100 lbs), and two seals. Before impact, triggers Earbuster seal and explosive tag (Range:0, Weapon:2). Upon impact, the clone is destroyed but the boulder it was carrying crashes into the ground intact, providing an excellent Substitution target.
[rolls for everyone's Athletics vs Pandamonium's Ranged Weapons to see if they dodge the explosive that the clone triggered]
Nope. Everyone takes 2 stress.
We don't have final mechanics worked out for Earbusters regarding exactly how much damage they do or how you defend against them. This is an ambush and I'm feeling generous, so we'll just say they work and follow the tentative rules that the QMs have discussed; note that it might be different next time.
The bad guys all get the Mild Consequence "Deafened"; ordinarily a Mild consequence heals in 24 hours, but these will take longer. Still, they provide a tag to the person who delivered the earbuster (in this case, the clone) and the victim takes the usual -1/2 * Aspect Bonus penalty on all physical skills. The clone passes the tags to Hazō et al before being destroyed.
Keiko, Ranged Weapons (kunai + explosive tag (Range:-1, Weapon:2)). Tag 'Flat-Footed' + tag 'Deafened' + tag 'Power of the Pangolin' x1 from Pantokrator's Hammer: 52
Target McDumbass (dodge Keiko's kunai): 37
McDumbass fails to dodge the kunai and therefore takes damage both from the kunai and from the explosive. That's ((52 - 37) / 3) + 2 (explosive) = 7 shifts. McDumbass is out.
"I'm With McDumbass" (ninja in melee range of McDumbass; needs to dodge the explosion but not the kunai): 44
"I'm With McDumbass" fails to dodge the explosion and therefore takes 2 shifts from the explosive. He only had 1 box left on his stress track after the earlier explosive and and he already had a Mild consequence from the earbusters. He could take a Moderate Consequence to stay on his feet, but wouldn't be able to win this, so he allows himself to be taken out.
Noburi, Supplemental action: Substitution (swap with the boulder that the clone carried into the center of the battle zone)
Noburi, Water Whip + Hōzuki's Mantle (+1/3 of Water Whip) + Pantokrator's Hammer (1 tag on 'Power of the Pangolin') + tag 'Flat-Footed' + tag 'Deafened': 78
Thoroughly Tenderized Victim: not even going to bother.
If Noburi wanted this guy dead he would be DRTTTT (Dead Right There, There, There, There....). Suffice to say, TTV is out.
Hazō, Supplemental Action: Substitution (swap with Noburi)
Hazō, free action: move to Victim McStupidFace, a girl carrying a slingshot. (Movement within zone is free)
Hazō, Roki (Deceit) + Aspect Bonus: 33
Victim McStupidFace, Deceit: 18
McStupidFace gets the fragile Aspect "Durrr...Say What?". Hazō gets a tag.
Hazō, Standard Action: Punch the Everloving Daylights Out of Enemy's Face no Jutsu! (Taijutsu + Ghost Scales + tag 'Durrr...Say What' + tag the 'Flat-Footed' Aspect from the successful ambush + tag the Mild Consequence 'Deafened' using the tag passed to him by the clone who triggered the earbuster): 69
Victim McStupidFace, Dodge: 37
McStupidFace takes ((69 - 37) / 3) = 11 + 1 (ninja hands) = 12 shifts. She is out like a light.
Here's another thing we didn't create exact mechanics for, so it might be different next time:
Doigama, Supplemental action: Substitute with Hazō
Doigama, free action, move to a pair of enemy who were standing in melee range of each other
Doigama, Standard Action: Generate Poison Gas (affects everyone in melee range) + tag 'Flat-Footed' + tag 'Deafened': 43
Schmuck #1: 20
Schmuck #2: 21
Both Schmucks take 8 shifts and are taken out with the special effect "Paralyzed"
Haga, Supplemental: Substitute with Doigama
Haga, free (move to enemy)
Haga, Standard: Taijutsu + 5 (chakra boost) + tag 'Flat-Footed' + tag 'Deafened': 61
SuckerPunched McBadGuy: 40
SPMBG takes ((61 - 40) / 3): 7 shifts + 1 (ninja hands) and is taken out
Ikemoto, Supplemental + free: Substitute with Haga, move to enemy
Ikemoto, Taijutsu + tag 'Flat-Footed' + tag 'Deafened' + tag 'I'm Spikey' (Aspect created by hedgehog jutsu): 40
Enemy #8: 33
Enemy #8 takes ((40 - 33) / 3) + 1 (ninja hands) + 2 (hedgehog jutsu) = 6 stress stress on top of the 2 he took from the explosives. He's out.
Fukai, Supplemental + free: Swap with Ikemoto, move to enemy
Fukai, Melee Weapons + tag 'Flat-Footed' + 'Deafened': 49
Enemy #9 (Niko), Taijutsu: 35
Niko takes ((49 - 35) / 3) + (weapons:2) = 7 stress on top of the 2 she already had and is taken out
These tactics worked sufficiently well that the team is going to employ them again. I'm going to elide the rolls because I don't feel like devoting another gazillion lines to something that isn't going to be shown on screen. Suffice to say, it worked. There are now three red teams worth of prisoners sitting in ISC's cells. (I wasn't sure if all three teams would still be available, but you got lucky on your 'find bad guys' rolls.)
Moving on....
Panashe, Pantokrator's Listening Ears: ?
Bad guys, lowest Stealth: ?
Okay, she spotted them. Do they spot her? They get three tries, since she needs to spend a lot of time on her ambush.
Panashe, Stealth: ?
Bad guys, highest Alertness - CM for being underground: ?
You lose, guys.
Panashe, Stealth: ?
Bad guys, highest Alertness - CM for being underground: ?
You lose again.
Panashe, Stealth: ?
Bad guys, highest Alertness - CM for being underground: ?
You suck. Get out of the ninja game, because you're all losers.
You, young Earth ninja, are about to have a bad day. Yes, you were very clever to have sussed out the capabilities of your assigned Red Team in advance. Yes, you came up with an excellent strategy for dealing with their Wind- and Fire-based attacks: Y'all are hiding underground, waiting for the enemy to assault so you can come up below them and take them out from ambush. Unfortunately, it's probably not them up there, because it sounds like someone is smashing the bunker apart with multiple-years-salary worth of explosives. Y'all had thought you were safe and undetectable down here, so weren't bothering to be terribly quiet. Unfortunately, a spec ops pangolin with magical superhearing has just detected you yammering and is about to come join your party...and underground is kinda where pangolins in general, and Panashe in specific, roll.
Athletics, dodge the massive pit that has just opened up beneath you with absolutely no warning:
TN: ?
Loser #1: ? Nope
Loser #2: ? Nope
Loser #3: ? Nope
Loser #4: ? Nope
Loser #5: ? Nope
Loser #6: ? Nope
Loser #7: ? Nope
Loser #8: ? Nope
Loser #9: ? Nope
Panashe knew Team Uplift+6's plan and knew that she had plenty of time to work, so she spent about twenty minutes digging back and forth with both jutsu and claws, preparing a pit 50' deep underneath these guys, with blunt spikes at the bottom. She then dug upwards and used a tunneling jutsu to collapse the ground beneath them. We don't actually have rules for falling damage, so I'm going to fiat rule that they end up with their stress tracks full and both Mild and Medium Consequences. Panashe then starts digging into the wall at the top of the pit, collapsing the roof on them. One of them needs to get a protective earth-shaping jutsu off before the attack hits them. There are 3 of them who might be able to do it; let's see if any of them are fast enough.
Target number [rolled, since I don't really know what it should be]: 46
Ninja #1, Athletics + invoke - (1.5x Aspect Bonus): Nope
Ninja #2, Athletics + invoke - (1.5x Aspect Bonus): Nope
Ninja #3, Athletics + invoke - (1.5x Aspect Bonus): Nope
Everyone is unconscious.
Incredibly, I've gotten tired of writing punching. We'll assume that the other two bases have been demolished and call it a night. It's cost you an enormous number of explosives, but it's left a pretty epic message behind.
Panashe, Stealth (find an enemy red team without being spotted, using nonstandard senses in well-suited conditions): ?
Enemy red team, highest Alertness: ?
Panashe is not spotted.
NOTE: I'm going to give the good guys a bonus surprise round where they all get to go before the bad guys. It's not how the rules are supposed to work, but (Doylist) I was already two hours deep into the planning before realizing that and (Watsonian) all the bad guys are suprised by the ambush and in pain so they are slow to react. Finally, the good guys are holding their actions until after Team Uplift go so as to let them have pride of place, since they came up with the plan and are supplying all the toys.
Pandamonium, Ranged Weapons (Hazō Earth Clone, express delivery): Sufficient to get it into the general area, which is all he's trying for.
Earth Clone: Carries small boulder (~100 lbs), and two seals. Before impact, triggers Earbuster seal and explosive tag (Range:0, Weapon:2). Upon impact, the clone is destroyed but the boulder it was carrying crashes into the ground intact, providing an excellent Substitution target.
[rolls for everyone's Athletics vs Pandamonium's Ranged Weapons to see if they dodge the explosive that the clone triggered]
Nope. Everyone takes 2 stress.
We don't have final mechanics worked out for Earbusters regarding exactly how much damage they do or how you defend against them. This is an ambush and I'm feeling generous, so we'll just say they work and follow the tentative rules that the QMs have discussed; note that it might be different next time.
The bad guys all get the Mild Consequence "Deafened"; ordinarily a Mild consequence heals in 24 hours, but these will take longer. Still, they provide a tag to the person who delivered the earbuster (in this case, the clone) and the victim takes the usual -1/2 * Aspect Bonus penalty on all physical skills. The clone passes the tags to Hazō et al before being destroyed.
Keiko, Ranged Weapons (kunai + explosive tag (Range:-1, Weapon:2)). Tag 'Flat-Footed' + tag 'Deafened' + tag 'Power of the Pangolin' x1 from Pantokrator's Hammer: 52
Target McDumbass (dodge Keiko's kunai): 37
McDumbass fails to dodge the kunai and therefore takes damage both from the kunai and from the explosive. That's ((52 - 37) / 3) + 2 (explosive) = 7 shifts. McDumbass is out.
"I'm With McDumbass" (ninja in melee range of McDumbass; needs to dodge the explosion but not the kunai): 44
"I'm With McDumbass" fails to dodge the explosion and therefore takes 2 shifts from the explosive. He only had 1 box left on his stress track after the earlier explosive and and he already had a Mild consequence from the earbusters. He could take a Moderate Consequence to stay on his feet, but wouldn't be able to win this, so he allows himself to be taken out.
Noburi, Supplemental action: Substitution (swap with the boulder that the clone carried into the center of the battle zone)
Noburi, Water Whip + Hōzuki's Mantle (+1/3 of Water Whip) + Pantokrator's Hammer (1 tag on 'Power of the Pangolin') + tag 'Flat-Footed' + tag 'Deafened': 78
Thoroughly Tenderized Victim: not even going to bother.
If Noburi wanted this guy dead he would be DRTTTT (Dead Right There, There, There, There....). Suffice to say, TTV is out.
Hazō, Supplemental Action: Substitution (swap with Noburi)
Hazō, free action: move to Victim McStupidFace, a girl carrying a slingshot. (Movement within zone is free)
Hazō, Roki (Deceit) + Aspect Bonus: 33
Victim McStupidFace, Deceit: 18
McStupidFace gets the fragile Aspect "Durrr...Say What?". Hazō gets a tag.
Hazō, Standard Action: Punch the Everloving Daylights Out of Enemy's Face no Jutsu! (Taijutsu + Ghost Scales + tag 'Durrr...Say What' + tag the 'Flat-Footed' Aspect from the successful ambush + tag the Mild Consequence 'Deafened' using the tag passed to him by the clone who triggered the earbuster): 69
Victim McStupidFace, Dodge: 37
McStupidFace takes ((69 - 37) / 3) = 11 + 1 (ninja hands) = 12 shifts. She is out like a light.
Here's another thing we didn't create exact mechanics for, so it might be different next time:
Doigama, Supplemental action: Substitute with Hazō
Doigama, free action, move to a pair of enemy who were standing in melee range of each other
Doigama, Standard Action: Generate Poison Gas (affects everyone in melee range) + tag 'Flat-Footed' + tag 'Deafened': 43
Schmuck #1: 20
Schmuck #2: 21
Both Schmucks take 8 shifts and are taken out with the special effect "Paralyzed"
Haga, Supplemental: Substitute with Doigama
Haga, free (move to enemy)
Haga, Standard: Taijutsu + 5 (chakra boost) + tag 'Flat-Footed' + tag 'Deafened': 61
SuckerPunched McBadGuy: 40
SPMBG takes ((61 - 40) / 3): 7 shifts + 1 (ninja hands) and is taken out
Ikemoto, Supplemental + free: Substitute with Haga, move to enemy
Ikemoto, Taijutsu + tag 'Flat-Footed' + tag 'Deafened' + tag 'I'm Spikey' (Aspect created by hedgehog jutsu): 40
Enemy #8: 33
Enemy #8 takes ((40 - 33) / 3) + 1 (ninja hands) + 2 (hedgehog jutsu) = 6 stress stress on top of the 2 he took from the explosives. He's out.
Fukai, Supplemental + free: Swap with Ikemoto, move to enemy
Fukai, Melee Weapons + tag 'Flat-Footed' + 'Deafened': 49
Enemy #9 (Niko), Taijutsu: 35
Niko takes ((49 - 35) / 3) + (weapons:2) = 7 stress on top of the 2 she already had and is taken out
These tactics worked sufficiently well that the team is going to employ them again. I'm going to elide the rolls because I don't feel like devoting another gazillion lines to something that isn't going to be shown on screen. Suffice to say, it worked. There are now three red teams worth of prisoners sitting in ISC's cells. (I wasn't sure if all three teams would still be available, but you got lucky on your 'find bad guys' rolls.)
Moving on....
Panashe, Pantokrator's Listening Ears: ?
Bad guys, lowest Stealth: ?
Okay, she spotted them. Do they spot her? They get three tries, since she needs to spend a lot of time on her ambush.
Panashe, Stealth: ?
Bad guys, highest Alertness - CM for being underground: ?
You lose, guys.
Panashe, Stealth: ?
Bad guys, highest Alertness - CM for being underground: ?
You lose again.
Panashe, Stealth: ?
Bad guys, highest Alertness - CM for being underground: ?
You suck. Get out of the ninja game, because you're all losers.
You, young Earth ninja, are about to have a bad day. Yes, you were very clever to have sussed out the capabilities of your assigned Red Team in advance. Yes, you came up with an excellent strategy for dealing with their Wind- and Fire-based attacks: Y'all are hiding underground, waiting for the enemy to assault so you can come up below them and take them out from ambush. Unfortunately, it's probably not them up there, because it sounds like someone is smashing the bunker apart with multiple-years-salary worth of explosives. Y'all had thought you were safe and undetectable down here, so weren't bothering to be terribly quiet. Unfortunately, a spec ops pangolin with magical superhearing has just detected you yammering and is about to come join your party...and underground is kinda where pangolins in general, and Panashe in specific, roll.
Athletics, dodge the massive pit that has just opened up beneath you with absolutely no warning:
TN: ?
Loser #1: ? Nope
Loser #2: ? Nope
Loser #3: ? Nope
Loser #4: ? Nope
Loser #5: ? Nope
Loser #6: ? Nope
Loser #7: ? Nope
Loser #8: ? Nope
Loser #9: ? Nope
Panashe knew Team Uplift+6's plan and knew that she had plenty of time to work, so she spent about twenty minutes digging back and forth with both jutsu and claws, preparing a pit 50' deep underneath these guys, with blunt spikes at the bottom. She then dug upwards and used a tunneling jutsu to collapse the ground beneath them. We don't actually have rules for falling damage, so I'm going to fiat rule that they end up with their stress tracks full and both Mild and Medium Consequences. Panashe then starts digging into the wall at the top of the pit, collapsing the roof on them. One of them needs to get a protective earth-shaping jutsu off before the attack hits them. There are 3 of them who might be able to do it; let's see if any of them are fast enough.
Target number [rolled, since I don't really know what it should be]: 46
Ninja #1, Athletics + invoke - (1.5x Aspect Bonus): Nope
Ninja #2, Athletics + invoke - (1.5x Aspect Bonus): Nope
Ninja #3, Athletics + invoke - (1.5x Aspect Bonus): Nope
Everyone is unconscious.
Incredibly, I've gotten tired of writing punching. We'll assume that the other two bases have been demolished and call it a night. It's cost you an enormous number of explosives, but it's left a pretty epic message behind.
Hideyo was a dumbass.
Hideyo was the biggest dumbass there had ever been.
Hideyo was such an enormous dumbass, there weren't even words to express just how gigantic and dumb his dumb ass was.
Unfortunately, Hideyo was also charismatic and convincing. Far more so than Niko. No matter what logical arguments she made about how only a dumbass would vote for any plan other than 'assault the second we're allowed to in order to give them the least time to prepare and to maximize our points, which might I add are based largely on speed', Hideyo had convinced the rest of the team that it would make sense to scout the enemy very carefully, then pull back, wait for a friggin' hour, and then spend two entire hours using psyops before actually assaulting. 'It will rattle the enemy', he said. 'Destroy their morale, make them waste chakra, and reduce their readiness by making them wonder when the real attack will come', he said. Bah.
Granted, the idea of forcing the enemy to waste chakra on probes and Water clones wasn't an entirely horrible one, and it was only going to cost them fifteen points. None of them were going to make the tournament, so it was really just a case of where they stood in the rankings. Still, it went against every instinct she had. If battle was necessary, it was always better to give the enemy as little time as possible.
They had launched their most recent psyop ten minutes ago; Miku had used her slingshot to fire three bags of gravel onto the roof of the bunker, one at a time. Each bag had a low-powered explosive tag inside it, just enough to scatter the gravel everywhere. Had anyone been up there, they would have been pelted with gravel—not hard enough to injure (probably), but enough to hurt, and to make them freak out and sound the alarm. At the same time, Hiroka had sent an illusory clone skimming across the grass, crouched over and running in broken-field style the way one might run if sneaking into a fortified position. Niko had to give the other girl credit; her ability with the normally-useless technique was phenomenal. In the darkness, it actually looked pretty convincing—convincing enough to draw a massive fireball from the roof. That attack had been impressive, and Niko was a little surprised that whoever it was had risked it. Had it caught a real ninja it could easily have fried them.
Anyway, the team had pulled back and Hideyo had rolled his stupid dice to decide that the next probe would be in twelve stupid minutes and then he set up his stupid hourglass to time it before grinning that stupid grin and congratulating everyone on a job well done. And all the giant stupidheads had grinned back and slapped each other on their stupid backs in congratulations.
Stupid idiots.
These were the thoughts that occupied Niko's brain as she
Whatever might have happened in some different reality, the fact was that she didn't realize anything was wrong until the boy fell out of the sky and everything went to shit.
He came in on a high arc, like a kunai thrown to drop on the other side of a barrier. She caught sight of him from the corner of her eye and turned towards him just as he arrived. The brief glimpse she got said that he was her own age—fourteen, maybe fifteen—and solidly built, with a fascinating jawline and messy dark hair. He had a massive rock tied to his chest and something in each hand. That was all she had time to notice before the world became sound and pain and then silence, as though someone had rammed needles through her ears and wiggled them around inside her brain.
She didn't have time to think about that, because she was too busy being knocked on her ass by the explosion. Hot on the heels of the blast, the boy hit the ground and shattered into a pile of rocks and sand. The minor boulder that had been strapped to his chest embedded itself in the ground.
An instant later it was gone, replaced by a half-dome of water with tendrils flailing out around it like the arms of a psychotically enraged duodecapus. In the center of the hemisphere stood Gōketsu Noburi—his physique and the barrel made him impossible to mistake, especially given how much time he had spent mingling with everyone in the barracks, telling stories that had to be lies while wearing a completely straight face and/or a dreamy smile. Come to think of it, the dark-haired boy had probably been his brother, H...Ha...whatever his name was. His clone anyway.
Gōketsu flicked his wrist like a fisherman casting; a rope of water lashed out and wrapped around Nishikawa's neck, yanking him off his feet and forward to smash face-first into the edge of the hemisphere. Several of the tendrils beat a bloody tattoo on his back and he went down like a sack of meal.
Niko started trying to stand up, but her limbs weren't cooperating. Before she even managed to get her feet under her, Gōketsu was gone. In his place was his brother, the one with the strong jaw and the name she couldn't recall. He was wrapped in a glowing golden outline, some sort of scaled animal with massive claws that she didn't recognize but it was probably a pangolin, given who his sister was. He took three chakra-speedy steps to get to Daiju and chambered a front kick that would have smashed Daiju's chest in if it connected, but Daiju was already shifting to the side...only to find that the attack was a feint. Whatsisname dove forward, spinning into a handstand heel kick that planted Daiju in the dirt like a farmer planting seeds. The kick had barely landed before whatsisname was gone, replaced by a wiry beanpole who zipped in between Miho and Kisato without stopping, leaving a puff of orange smoke behind him as he raced towards Furui. The smoke touched Niko's teammates and they went stiff, falling helplessly to the ground even as the beanpole vanished, replaced by a blue-haired girl with green paint on her face and neck. She was built like a brick shithouse and she wasted no time kicking Furui's face in with a wicked rising-heel kick that launched him up and back. He was still in midair when the girl vanished, swapped out by a sandy-haired boy with glowing purple chakra-construct needles jutting from every part of his body and a short-sleeved shirt that showed off some really nice biceps.
Spikey-guy smashed into Shibahara; the other boy tried to dodge aside but his attacker was too fast. The kick to the thigh would have been painful on its own, but with the needles leading the way it was too much: Shibahara went down. He tried to roll to his feet, but Spikey-guy kicked him in the head and disappeared, replaced by a slender girl with a bad dye-job. She carried a studded mace in her right hand and wore a sheet of stone in the shape of a kite shield on her left arm.
Niko knew what was coming; the rest of the team was down, so there were no other targets. She scrambled back to her feet, the surge of adrenaline mostly overcoming her shock and pain. She assumed the Mantis Stance, Norimoto-sensei's remembered tactical advice screaming in her mind that she should run, but her coordination was still shot. Before she could launch an attack the mace caught her in the groin with a rising strike that bent her double. The shield smashed into the back of her neck and all was blackness.
o-o-o-o
"That went well," Noburi said, uncoiling his Water Whip from around the last of his victims. All of the girl's chakra resided in his barrel and for the next twenty-four hours or so she was dead to the world.
"No kidding," Fukai said. "I almost feel ashamed at how easy this has all been, what with the pangolins and all the seals. I mean, that first team didn't even get an attack in and the next two weren't much better."
Noburi laughed. "I wouldn't worry about it," he said. "Life is never fair. It's just that this time it's unfair in our favor."
"I did say 'almost'," she said, laughing. She sobered, cocking her head in thought. "Hey, I was thinking about your brother's Earth Wall jutsu—"
"Multiple Earth Wall, yeah. Call it MEW—it drives him crazy."
She chuckled. "Will do. You mentioned that you guys are carrying a lot of explosives, and a bunch of firebombs?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, we've still got two Blue Team bases to deal with, and I had an idea...."
o-o-o-o
The massive pangolin eyed the cask of lamp oil—and, more specifically, the explosive tag stuck to it—dubiously. "Summoner, are you sure this is safe? This thing won't go off in my claws, will it? I mean, the ones we practiced with didn't, but can you be certain that the timers are all the same?"
"Don't worry, Pandamonium," Keiko said. "It will be fine. Throw them as fast as you can, and try to get them to airburst for better spread. And be careful not to stab anyone with your claws when you pick up the cask they're holding."
When a pangolin the size of a shed sighs in disgust, it sounds like a blacksmith's bellows huffing the forge. "Very well. Have them ready, please."
Doigama, Fukai, Noburi, and Hazō each hoisted a cask up above their head, balancing it carefully on extended fingertips so as to get it as far from themselves as possible. Pandamonium's claws were as long as their arms, and none of them wanted to be anywhere near those things when the artillery pangolin was throwing at maximum speed and perhaps not being entirely careful about how he grabbed his ammunition. Everyone had been keen on the idea when Fukai proposed using the casks that they'd looted from Team Fallflat's ruined base. Now that they were actually at the moment of truth, it was looking a lot less appealing.
"Ready," Pandamonium said. Keiko pushed a little chakra into the seal on the side of the cask and the summon's arm snapped forward like a trebuchet, launching the thing out across the clearing in the center of which squatted the next bunker.
Pandamonium didn't quite have the timing down; the logs that they had practiced with earlier hadn't been exactly the same weight, and the liquid contents of the cask made the thing wobble as it left his hand. The cask was still thirty feet above the ground when the explosives went off, so the oil floated down as a diffuse mist instead of as the more compact splotch that they were looking for.
"I expect better, Artillery Specialist," Pankurashun rumbled.
"Yessir," Pandamonium replied. He took the next cask, waited a bare instant for Keiko to activate the seal, and fired it with a perfect spiral. It detonated exactly where it should, dousing the east side of the clearing.
Pandamonium's massive arm moved down the line, grabbing and hurling the casks the instant Keiko had primed the tags. By the time he got to the end Doigama had already hoisted his second cask up and the others weren't far behind. Another salvo went off, doubling the oil-soaked area around the bunker.
"Fire coming! Clear the roof! Fire coming in three...two...one..." Pankurashun bellowed, his powerful voice boosted to nearly deafening levels by the Drill Sergeant's Roar jutsu of his kind.
The firelog macerator, or 'youthenizer' as Noburi had dubbed it long before the fight with Akane made the name painful, was a simple concept: when you fed a burning log into a macerator seal and then unstored it, what got spit out was a massive cloud of very fine sawdust with hot embers distributed randomly through it. Some of the embers were hot enough to light the nearest specks of sawdust, and the resulting flames set off a chain reaction that turned the entire cloud into a momentary burst of hellfire.
Set off a half-dozen youthenizers over a clearing soaked in oil and what you got was an inferno with a bunker full of (probably) terrified chūnin candidates in the center. Those candidates were almost certainly wishing they could have run, but that hadn't been an option since twenty minutes before, when Hazō had managed to sneak close enough to block the bunker's door with a nice thick layer of granite, courtesy of the Multiple Earth Wall jutsu.
Honestly, the whole lack of response thus far had been nerve-wracking. No one had smashed a way out through a wall of the bunker after it was sealed. No one had come leaping out of the trees to attack as the team prepped the oil. No one had come charging off the roof when the oil went everywhere, or when the fire set it ablaze.
"Could they really all have stayed inside?" Hazō wondered. "That seems seriously stupid."
"Perhaps they're a close-range team and they wanted to make attackers come to them?" Katō said dubiously. The infiltrator had been quiet since helping with the assault on the first bunker; being on a front-line combat team seemed to have him off balance.
Everyone pondered that for a minute.
Noburi shrugged. "Dunno, but it probably doesn't matter. Yard first or bunker first?"
"Bunker first," Hazō said firmly. "The fire will take care of most traps and we can get the rest later. I don't want to give these guys more time than we have to."
"Very well," Keiko said. From the pile in front of her, she scooped a bunch of shuriken into her left hand and started methodically firing them at the bunker fifty yards away. Prime the explosive tag affixed to the shuriken, fire. Prime the explosive tag affixed to the shuriken, fire. Prime the explosive tag affixed to the shuriken....
They say that it requires ten thousand hours of practice to become proficient at a skill. Keiko had been proficient with her shuriken long before she graduated from the Mist Academy of the Ninja Arts. She could bullseye a human-sized target every time at thirty yards. This was entirely irrelevant at the moment, since she was literally trying to hit the broad side of a building.
The shuriken slammed into the bunker at the midpoint of its exterior and exploded, one after another, with metronomic repetition. The bunker withstood the first few blasts before the concrete cracked. Three more blasts knocked a two-foot hole in the wall. Now the precision became relevant again as Keiko laced her throws through the hole. The first two were training tags; anyone careless enough to be caught in the blast would get a painful shove and some truly impressive bruises, but they were unlikely to be injured. In this case, should anyone have been dumb enough to still be in the room after a half-dozen explosives went off against the same spot on the exterior of the wall, the training tags would provide a strong suggestion that they go somewhere else.
After the two training tags, Keiko switched back to full-power demolition tags. Slowly but surely, she blasted her way deeper into the building, destroying interior walls as she went. After about ten minutes it was possible to see all the way through the building, at which point Keiko stopped firing and started counting.
"Think they'll get the message?" Noburi wondered.
"I doubt it," Katō said. "Not yet, anyway. They'll figure we were making an assault path."
"...nineteen, twenty," Keiko said. "Firing."
She was throwing faster now, a steady thump-thump-thump chewing into the building a quarter of the way down from the west end. The number of shuriken she was expending would have been impossible to carry for any team that didn't have the dozens of storage scrolls Team Uplift took for granted, but for Team Uplift it was just Tuesday. The pangolins stood guard while Keiko threw and the other eight humans struggled to affix explosive tags fast enough to stay ahead of her.
Cutting the building in half had weakened the roof throughout, and parts of it started collapsing before the second cut was half done.
"You'd think they'd get the message by now," Hazō noticed, glancing up to watch even as his hands kept grabbing shuriken out of the pile in front of him, sticking tags on, and throwing them onto the stack Keiko was drawing from. "I mean, seriously, why aren't they surrendering?"
"Eh," Haga said. "It's fine if they want to wait. This is pretty cool."
"This is annoying," Keiko said, not pausing in her throwing. "Wasteful of resources, and stupid of the enemy."
"Yeah, but think of the psychological effect," Noburi said, laughing. "I keep imagining the expressions on the proctors' faces when they show up and see that we just leveled the entire building. Man, the other contestants are going to shit themselves."
"Summoner, you might want to aim at the ground for a time," Pankurashun said. "Were I in the place of the enemy, I would be hiding beneath the building. They must assume that we are going to want to come in to retrieve the documents, and they likely intend to ambush us when we do."
"Thank you, Lochagos," Keiko said. She shifted her point of aim, probing explosively at the ground around the bunker without effect.
"Specialist, go check," Pankurashun growled.
"Lochagos."
A fountain of dirt signaled Panashe diving into the earth. Keiko watched her go, then went back to cutting the next path through the bunker, one explosion at a time.
"Kagome is going to be so sad he missed this," Noburi said.
Hazō chuckled. "I know, right? The ultimate proof that explosives solve every problem."
"Who's Kagome?" Fukai asked.
"Our uncle," Hazō said. "He really likes explosives. He says that they solve everything, and he's pretty much right. Chopping wood is way easier with explosives, and—"
"You chop wood with explosive tags?" Doigama asked, shocked. Then he shook his head. "No, of course you do. You're a sealmaster, so is Jiraiya, and it sounds like this Kagome is too. No wonder you guys carry so many tags."
"You get used to it," Noburi said with a shrug. "Ten ryō says that the roof on the left of the opening collapses before she gets through."
"No bet," Hazō replied.
"I'll take it," Haga said, grinning. "If you've got the stones to make it interesting, anyway. Five hundred."
Noburi shrugged. "Sounds good. Five hundred ryō it is. Hey, Keiko, you mind aiming to the left a bit?"
"Certainly," Keiko said, shifting her point of aim.
"Hey!"
"Ninja," Noburi said, as the chunk of roof to the left of Keiko's cut-out path collapsed. The girl in question calmly shifted her throws back to where they had previously been targeted and continued methodically blowing the building apart.
"That was cheap," Haga grumbled. "My money's all back in the barracks anyway. No reason to bring it in the field so I left it with my sensei."
"It's cool, I know you're good for it," Noburi said. "And just remember the old saying: Never bet against the Gōketsu."
Haga gave him a squinty and very dubious look. "Hasn't your clan only existed for, like, a minute? How can that be an old saying?"
Noburi grinned. "Eh. It will be, assuming that our superhumanly kind natures continue to allow our enemies to exist."
"Do not forget the additional requirement that we manage to continue keeping Kagome restrained," Keiko said, the words not interfering with the steady rhythym of her throws. "He tends to believe that our enemies would be better off exploded."
Silence fell.
"You guys are kinda scary, you know that?" Fukai said carefully.
"I prefer to think of it as 'possessed of a dark sense of humor.'"
Haga considered Keiko's words carefully for a moment. "Sure, let's go with that."
A massive crash signalled the last of the roof over the westernmost quarter of the bunker collapsing in a cloud of obscuring concrete dust. Keiko shifted her fire to a point a quarter of the way down from the east end until the dust cleared, revealing that the western side of the building was now an obstacle course of half- and mostly-demolished walls, a few shattered wooden beams, and pieces of what might once have been shelving or furniture.
"Come out with your hands up and you will not be harmed!" Pankurashun bellowed. "Continue to hide and we will destroy the building around you!"
Silence.
"Okay, they cannot possibly be this stupid," Ikemoto said. "I mean, in the name of the Sage, half the building is demolished at this point. They have to realize we can make good on the threat."
The earth in front of the group opened up to reveal a self-satisfied pangolin with an unconscious ninja in one clawed hand. "I believe I may be able to shed some light on this most vexing of questions," Panashe said.
"Specialist," Pankurashun rumbled, "how long have you been waiting underground for a good entrance line instead of returning immediately and making your report?"
Panashe was the picture of innocence, which was odd since pangolin features were not really designed for such. "I have no idea what you mean, Lochagos. I came as soon as I could, of course. Anything less would certainly have been grounds for administrative punishishment. It's not my fault that it required a certain modicum of time for me to resolve the situation of nine terribly unsporting chaps hiding under the ground like the cowards they were—I mean, are. Most certainly are. Probably."
She shook her head dolefully. "Granted, their cowardice made them completely immune to the almost literally claws-first strategy going on up here and would have allowed them to ambush our dear Summoner from beneath once she approached the building. As to the duration of my adventures...well, I am but one poor Specialist, forced to operate well beyond the security of the line of battle. Terribly isolated and without succor, I was cut off from the the might of my brothers-in-arms and forced to rely on my own poor wits, defeating the enemy through rational thought and creativity instead of engaging them in sweaty and exhausting combat as a properly forthright warrior of the Pangolin should do. Ah, had I only been born of the Giant race that I might revel in the power of mighty thews instead of needing to think. Then I wouldn't have to solve my problems with creativity and careful planning instead of smashing them until they—"
"That will do, Specialist."
"Of course, Lochagos." With a surge of thews that, contrary to her words, seemed plenty mighty to Hazō, she tossed the unconscious body of an Earth-country ninja up onto the ground. "I could use some assistance retrieving the other eight, if you would be so kind. Deucedly hard to drag them while tunneling, yes? And perhaps we should move expeditiously on that...I doubt they will have suffocated yet, but one can never be sure, eh?"
o-o-o-o
"ALERT! ALERT! DO NOT EMPLOY CHAKRA DRAIN AGAINST THE PANGOLINS! ALERT! ALERT! DO NOT— Oh, my."
The massive toad's leap had carried it over the treeline such that it was upon them before they knew what was happening. It touched down with a whomping crunch and the proctor clinging in desperate terror to the toad's back slid to the ground with a haste that unsuccessfully masked his desire to be anywhere but astride his bizarre steed. He did not quite kiss the ground when he landed, but it was close.
"Hm?" Hazō said, looking up from where he'd been securing the third of the enemy ninja that Noburi had just finished draining. "I'm sorry, sir?"
The proctor was staring in jaw-gaping shock at the blackened and still-cooling dirt of the clearing, the mostly-demolished concrete bunker, and the cheerily-blazing patches of the forest to the north that everyone except Hazō and Noburi were busy putting out before they could spread.
"But...."
"We are here with a message from my Summoner, child," croaked the toad. "You are not to employ chakra drain against any summon, no matter the circumstances. The attempt is likely to kill you. This instruction is given with the full weight and agreement of all five Kage."
Noburi paled. "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir."
"You..." said the proctor.
The toad turned its head, wide-set eyes flicking around. "You must be Jiraiya's children. You appear to be following in your father's footsteps regarding collateral damage."
A brief surge of rage spiked through Hazō at the phrase 'your father', but he ground it under his heel and smiled a perfect smile. "This wasn't actually collateral damage, sir. Pretty much entirely deliberate damage, actually."
"You destroyed the building!"
Hazō and Noburi exchanged puzzled looks.
"Yes...?" Noburi asked. "No one said that was against the rules."
"Actually, the proctor very explicitly said it was okay," Hazō noted helpfully. "I believe his exact words were 'You're welcome to blow shit up as much as you like.'" He gestured towards the smoldering and half-collapsed building. "This was how much shit we wanted to blow up."
"This isn't even your assigned target!!!"
More puzzled looks were exchanged.
"And...?"
o-o-o-o
The arrival of Red Team One at the proctor station would have made for a dramatic portrait, had there been an artist on hand to capture it.
On one side you had nine moderately bruised, utterly filthy, thoroughly soot-stained, and wide-grinning genin. In an arc behind them loomed a group of massively armed- and armored pangolin warriors, massive claws interlaced in what to them was a gesture of peace. For the humans, it mostly served to emphasize the 'massive claws' part instead of the 'peace' part.
In front of the genin, the head proctor of the Chūnin Exams sat at a small table, two senior proctors flanking him. A dozen other proctors and medic-nin stood off to one side, eyes flicking nervously back and forth between the pangolins and the five people standing beside the proctor table.
Those five people were five of the most powerful men and women in the world, the Kage of the five major ninja nations.
Hazō struggled not to feel daunted by all this.
"Red Team One reporting mission completion, sir," Noburi said, offering the head proctor a grin to go with the words. As he spoke, he was very clearly and very obviously not looking at the most powerful ninja in the world.
"Any trouble?" Jiraiya asked, eyeing his filthy and soot-stained children with amusement.
"No sir," Hazō said. "We—"
"They destroyed the building! Twice!"
The head proctor blinked and Aunt Ren raised her eyebrows. Jiraiya just looked amused.
"Cool," the Toad Sage said, not bothering to hide his grin. "Kagome was right again, eh?"
"Yes sir," Hazō said. "Explosives really do solve everything."
"Hazō, you'll probably want to spend the rest day making more explosives," the Hokage noted, his voice millimetrically louder to ensure that everyone in the vicinity heard him. "Can never have too many, after all."
"Are you aware of anyone who requires medical assistance?" the head proctor asked through gritted teeth.
"No sir," Hazō said. "Noburi checked everyone over before we put them in the cells."
"'Everyone'?" the Raikage demanded, stepping forward.
"Yes sir," Hazō said, nodding. "We wanted to make sure they'd be safe from any chakra predators in the area, so we locked them in. We were fortunate enough to find and engage the other three red teams before they were able to exfiltrate. And, of course, the blue teams weren't going anywhere, so they were easy to find." He hesitated. "Um...the cells on the north- and southwestern bunkers were a bit...demolished...so people are packed kinda tight. Might not be a bad idea to have someone go check on them."
"Of course, removing them from the cells before the end of the round would represent unfair interference with the scoring," Jiraiya noted. "I'm sure that won't be an issue, though. If they need to be removed then I feel certain that points will be added or removed as though they had been there at the end of the round."
"Of course," Aunt Ren said, giving Jiraiya a Kurosawa Nod #67: Your Restatement of the Obvious Is Mildly Irksome.
"They drained them unconscious and then cut their feet!" The proctor who had followed them around for the second half of their rampage was practically foaming at the mouth.
"Hey!" Haga said. "We only cut some of them. The ones that were already beaten up got left alone."
"I mean, we aren't monsters," Noburi said innocently. "They were all very clean incisions, and I was careful not to nick the bone or cut anything important, like any of the lateral peroneal artery branches. I even sterilized everything and sewed them up again. They'll be fine in a week or so, as long as they stay off their feet and rest up. Maybe two or three if they insist on running around."
Jiraiya laughed. "That's my boy. Come on, let's get you guys some dinner and then back to the barracks."
"Contestants are expected to go directly to the barracks and remain there," the head proctor noted.
Jiraiya waved dismissively. "Don't worry, I'll take responsibility for them. We'll just eat, grab some dessert, then head back. I pinky swear that I won't let them make any trouble."
The Raikage looked sour; the other three Kage remained blank-faced. "That's not how it works," A rumbled.
"Oh, don't be such a stick-in-the-mud, A," Jiraiya said. "It'll be fine. Right, Ren?"
"Of course," the Mizukage replied calmly. "So long as you are willing to accept double indemnity against your bond and full responsibility for any damage to property or people, I see no issue with you disregarding the established rules of the Exams for the sake of a party."
Jiraiya grinned like a maniac. "Fantastic. Come on, kids. There's this amazing place down on Sandbar street. They serve these flaming cocktails that need to be seen to be believed...I mean, they're actually on fire and everything. And the strippers are gorgeous."
"A moment, if you please," said the Mizukage. She pointed at the barrel strapped to Pandamonium's back. "I believe that is a Wakahisa barrel."
"Sure looks like it," Jiraiya said. "I guess someone must have carelessly dropped it, huh?"
"Indeed. I shall see that it is returned."
Noburi glanced at Jiraiya; the Hokage nodded. He started to climb up Pandamonium's back, but Hazō stopped him. Noburi offered his adoptive brother a raised eyebrow before gesturing him on.
Hazō climbed up the back of the massive pangolin and carefully untied the barrel. He lifted it and turned to climb back down...and then very deliberately dropped the barrel so that its contents splashed everywhere.
"Oops," Hazō said, deadpan. "Terribly sorry. Clumsy of me."
Aunt Ren showed no expression, but the other four Kage laughed out loud.
Hazō jumped down, scooped up the barrel, and presented it to Aunt Ren. "Here you are, ma'am."
His aunt took the barrel wordlessly, setting it on the ground beside her, and offered Eyebrow Tilt #3: That Was Childish, Yet Vaguely Amusing. Hazō smiled tightly before stepping back.
"Thank you, everyone," Keiko said to the pangolins. "Your service was exemplary. Please enjoy a rest day, and note that I expect to summon you again the day after tomorrow."
"We shall look forward to it, Summoner," Pankurashun said gravely. "Death to the foe." He paused, then seemed to remember something. "Or, at least, a degree of light mauling consistent with the rules of your war games."
"Indeed," Keiko replied. "Once again, thank you. Dismissed."
The pangolins nodded and vanished in a cloud of varicolored smoke.
"Enough of this foolishness!" Jiraiya cried. "There are drinks to be drunk, candied shrimp to be eaten, and debauchery to be debauched!"
Red Team One were given no opportunity to protest as they found themselves herded off to an evening of debauchery alongside the Toad Sage.
XP AWARD: 10
FP AWARD: 5
XP and FP awards are high because I'm in a good mood from being enabled to write so much delightful punching. The rampage is now over and it's time to
Vote time! You can choose to do something over the course of the evening before being returned to the barracks, although Jiraiya is likely to veto anything that he thinks is too flagrantly a violation of the rules. You can also vote for how to spend the rest day. A messenger from Leaf has arrived with Kagome's 5SB seals, so the order for the pangolin is dealt with.
Voting ends on Wednesday, August 8, 2018, at 12pm London time.
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- Location
- Location Location
My fault- I somehow managed to mix my constants and put g=G (???) to get an absurd result. With that said, a good enough seal array could handily solve a lot of those problems
Edit: If not, this as only my first spur of the moment idea. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
I'm more concerned about us not getting the wakahisa barrel, tbh.
- Location
- The Void
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Exactly. Our boys are total idiots some times! We could have hid it somewhere
Edit: also incredibly great chapter
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- Location
- Yes.
We should have disguised it as Noburi's barrel, while hiding Noburi's real barrel in the Seventh Path. And gotten chakra from our teammates/DQ'd Leaf-nin like last time to refill Noburi's reserves while still having chakra from Kiri's barrel.
Sorry, I didn't expect this.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
@eaglejarl @OliWhail @Velorien Were there any other Wakahisa whose barrels we actually managed to sneak past them?
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
Okay so we have to come up with some stuff on the fly today to shitcheck it tomorrow and vote it in by Wednesday.
Notes:
1) We need to get a defensive plan settled quickly so any prep can actually be done on the rest day.
2) We probably cant Goo Bomb spam since its stupid OP (as noted in update)
Changes to be done:
1)Replace "Ka-goo-me" maneuver with Earbusters or standard Kagome Maneuver, writ large.
2) Caltrops?
I have to go and won't be around until late tonight. I've compiled some of the conversation about defenses in quotes here (mostly my own but if you go to sections of the thread these are in there are more, sorry bit time pressed atm).
Notes:
1) We need to get a defensive plan settled quickly so any prep can actually be done on the rest day.
2) We probably cant Goo Bomb spam since its stupid OP (as noted in update)
Changes to be done:
1)Replace "Ka-goo-me" maneuver with Earbusters or standard Kagome Maneuver, writ large.
2) Caltrops?
I have to go and won't be around until late tonight. I've compiled some of the conversation about defenses in quotes here (mostly my own but if you go to sections of the thread these are in there are more, sorry bit time pressed atm).
I was thinking we channel them all down a "safe path" that we have rigged to explode goo everywhere.
I think a dozen or so Goo Bombs would suffice. Keep in mind, we DONT have to spend time on 5SB sealing. So assuming we have at worst the rest day to prepare, we can make sufficient ammo for whatever skulduggery we get up to.
@Cariyaga @faflec
Defenses Round 2
Taking into account some of the previous discussion on defensive strats, as well as EJ's comment regarding us totally being able to warn the encroaching horde of any weak explosive minefields we set up, I have updated my previous image:
Key additions:
1) We have multiple fall back points :two walls/barricades of trees/shrubs/nonsense now in addition to the facility.
2) To give Pandamonium and Keiko LOS on things over the wall, I propose we construct dirt ramps leading up to the wallicades. He gets to peak over and throw Logbuses of clones/Logs full of seals into or around the enemy horde. Either of them can quickly dive down the ramp to avoid Pikachu strikes or return fire, if need be.
2a) The wallicades will be spaced enough so that one can't just substitute from the top of one to the inner one.
3) There is a very clear safe path.
3a) There is a wall in the middle so that we split any incoming hordes up into more manageable groups
3b) Also, I propose we trap the middle wall with Goo Bombs a la the Kagome Maneuver so that this becomes a makeshift killzone if we want it to be.
Things we should also do:
1) Panteru should optimize this as well as work on some anti-tunneling defenses (+Aspect Bonus?).
2) Keiko should run this through the Frozen Skein (really overwhelming odds against us, this should give +2 x (Frozen Skein Aspect Bonus) )
3) Maybe do some other underground stuff as well? Might need more Pangolins to dig.
Other stuff or Misc. thoughts:
- Obviously need to fortify the heck out of the facility itself. 5SB everything. Maybe some Force Walls too. Suggestions?
- Is there any way we can weaponize Vampiric Dew to take out a group of people, and in a way that doesn't expose Mist Drain?
Comments + Criticism desire, plox and ty
EDIT:
Another thing that might be very important: It would be ideal to create some sort of ambush situation to thin the herd at the start of combat.
Before reading it: No, it's just been like a forty pages since that so I didn't remember it.
After reading it:
Tree wall has the problem of taking time to set up; time that could be better used by the pangolin for tunneling defenses, etc.
On the other hand, Hazou personally does not have much to do during the setup time. He could take 6 steps down the time scale and cast MEW in an hour for 15 chakra.
- Location
- Yes.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
@eaglejarl @Velorien @OliWhail
Was it ever decided if our consequences inflicted would affect initiative in the second round? I still fully support psychologically traumatizing them if not!
Also, it was stated that we'd have the chance to plan for the time after we took out all the teams but before we turned in; can we do that retroactively?
Was it ever decided if our consequences inflicted would affect initiative in the second round? I still fully support psychologically traumatizing them if not!
Also, it was stated that we'd have the chance to plan for the time after we took out all the teams but before we turned in; can we do that retroactively?
- Location
- Europe
We have to do something amazing for Panashe. Cultured Pangolin-nazi assassin is amazing.
TaliesinSkye
Occasional Editor
- Location
- Northeast Ohio, United States
How'd the FTL/teleportation thing work? That sounds really useful.
Come to think of it, I wonder if we could use seals to make wormholes for instant travel between two seals prepped ahead of time. It's considerably less insane than the throwing evaporating black holes around idea. It'd be a fantastic emergency escape; you put one seal somewhere safe and carry the other one with you to bug out as needed.