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Naruto reimagined as a deathworld without most of the canon plot holes.
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Oli Explores Mechanics
This is intended less as an exploration of the story and more as a way to check that I have some grasp of how to use the mechanics.

This is meant to be with the team at their pre-Liberator stats.

Zones:
Clearing, rocky outcropping, three surrounding directions of trees. Border:1 to get from clearing to forest, Border:2 to get into the rocky terrain

Yujin, Stealth vs Party, highest Alertness : Yujin wins by 3 shifts

Initiative:
  • Yujin
  • Mari (Starts w/ Fragile Aspect: Flat Footed)
  • Kei (FA:FF)
  • Noburi (FA:FF)
  • Hazou (FA:FF)
Yujin
  • Free: Glib comment
  • Supplemental: Prep kunai
  • Standard: Block: Taijutsu against anyone who comes close enough.
Mari:
  • Standard: Genjutsu
    • Genjutsu + Invoke: "Don't Mess With the Heartbreaker" vs Yujin Alertness. Yujin wins by 1 shift and realizes he's in a genjutsu, reflexively dispelling it.
      • He attempts to act like he's caught: Yujin Deception vs Mari Deception :: Yujin wins by 2 shifts.
  • Supplemental: Prep kunai
  • Free: signal team
  • 5 FP remaining.
Keiko:
  • Supplemental: Prep kunai
  • Standard: Block: Ranged Weapon if Yujin appears to be breaking free.
Noburi:
  • Standard: Water Clone Jutsu - makes 2 clones.
  • Supplemental: get self and clones into flanking positions.
Hazou:
  • Supplemental: Prep ninja wire
  • Supplemental: Move to Yujin
    • Yujin's established Block triggers! Yujin Taijutsu vs Hazou Taijutsu :: Yujin wins by 17 shifts, choosing to limit his damage to 2. What should we give him for those other 15 shifts? A free Ranged Weapon throw with Hazou as the ammo? Sounds good to me!
      • Yujin: Ranged Hazou vs Mari: Athletics :: Yujin wins by 2 shifts
    • Keiko's established Block triggers! Keiko, Ranged Weapons + Invoke "Refuse to be a Burden" vs Yujin, Athletics :: Yujin wins by 11 shifts.
      • Keiko has 3 FP remaining.
Round 2!
Yujin:
  • Free: Looks at kunai he just caught
  • Standard: Ranged Weapons vs Noburi Water Clones, Athletics :: Yujin wins by 9 shifts. Both clones pop.
Mari:
  • Standard: Taijutsu + Invoke "Mist's Taijutsu Mistress" + Invoke "Redemption, By Any Means Necessary" + Reroll vs Yujin Taijutsu + Invoke "Seen It All Before" :: Yujin wins by 3 shifts... and chooses to deal no damage.
  • Free: Realize this guy could have killed two of her kids (and probably her) and has chosen not to.
"So Inoue-sensei, we were talking about our plans for the future. What do you want to do?"

"Future, huh?" Inoue-sensei asked. "No idea. Never did. I mean, I figured I'd settle down eventually – very eventually – if I met the right person, but I never met anyone in Mist who could keep up with me and wasn't taken, and I imagine that would go double for civilians. And really, what was there to do other than to keep taking missions, and get whatever fun I could out of life?

"When Shikigami brought me on board, his project seemed like a chance to do something big, something meaningful. But look what happened to that. Thanks to him, right now survival is top of the agenda. Anything more would be a luxury.

"Then again," she added after a second, "I always did like my luxuries. Keep your eyes open, kids. Maybe we'll find something bigger and better somewhere along the line. It's a policy that's served me well so far." She winked.

"I think I can help with that," the ninja in faded green clothes told her. Then he jumped down from the rock outcropping he'd been sitting on, and raised a kunai.

Instantly, Inoue-sensei reacted. "Silent Night Technique!" she shouted, her hands blurring as she formed seals.

The kunai dropped out of the ninja's hands as his entire body relaxed – except for his eyes, which remained locked on Inoue-sensei's.

They'd drilled for this sort of thing. Hazō got out a length of ninja wire and approached the enemy carefully, while Keiko prepared to throw kunai at the first sign that he might be breaking free of the genjutsu. Noburi came in from the other side to Hazō, water clones flanking him and ready for action.

As Hazō reached out, the ninja suddenly sprang into action. He grabbed Hazō's arm, twisted – and threw him bodily at Inoue-sensei. She dodged sideways in a brief flicker of movement, but couldn't help being clipped by a flailing Hazō, who found the world spinning around him as he came to a rolling stop across the clearing.

Keiko took this as a sign that, perhaps, the enemy ninja had broken free of Inoue-sensei's technique, and hurled her kunai with all her might. The man caught it almost casually, ducking down at the same time to grab the one he'd dropped previously, then executing a spin that let him fling both knives into the faces of Noburi's clones.

Inoue-sensei dove in desperately, trying to take advantage of the enemy's distraction. The two exchanged a series of thrown fists and elbows too fast to track, blurring together for a split second until they both froze, one of the enemy's hands grabbing one of Inoue-sensei's and pulling it into an overextended position while the other darted forward to... grab one of her breasts???

The genin froze, mirroring their sensei, who glanced down first in confusion, then in annoyance before swatting the man's hand away.

"Not bad," the... enemy? commented mildly. Putting his hands down by his sides, the ninja gave a big smile. "I think I like you four."
 
Omake: Mmmmmm, ice cream!
Inoue is a jonin. If you're in a battle with her, you've got bigger problems than her kawarimi privileges. Regardless of whether you're using "with" to mean "against" or "alongside", you've got bigger problems.
You can just imagine it though. Years from now, the mountains stretch on endlessly around them, snow gusts past, a dramatic confrontation between teacher and student on a rickety wooden bridge.

"Inoue! You've gone too far this time! Stealing Mori's ice cream was completely uncalled for."

"You think you can stop me? Next week I'll take Noburi's ice cream as well! Muahahaha!"

"I can't let you go on like this. Every moment you continue is an insult to your past self."

"I may have taught you everything you know, Hazou, but I didn't teach you everything I know. Now, come!"

Inoue drops and activates an explosive tag, then swaps with Hazou. Hazou is exploded into giblets with an anticlimactic whoomp-sclrntch, falling to the canyon floor thousands of metres below as Inoue skips away into the snowstorm dramatically.

"This world is mine and mine alone. First stop, the ice cream parlour."
 
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[canon] Omake 1) Repay in Kind
Here're a few snippets of prospective backstory, revolving around one application of the Iron Nerve. As for name, I think we should be named

-[X] Kurosawa Hazou
-[X] Male


Because it has a nice, effortless flow that resembles the character himself in motion. Hazou Kurosawa. It's like a classic japanese action flick, compressed into a name.

---

Repay in Kind


It was the day of the bet, and Hazou intended to collect. He rocked on his toes, back and forth across the precipice, keeping his balance on the stony ledge. It was a movement he'd performed one thousand, four hundred and sixty-four times before. Below sprawled his home, the Village Hidden in the Mist, though much of it lay concealed under endless banks of its namesake. The morning sun was an orb of white fire, wreathed in shawls of fog, and from it broad tendrils of mist crawled across the landscape. It was the same mist that swept in every day, regular as the tides, enveloping and enshrouding, permeating every cranny. A hug, his mother called it, that the sea gives to the land, a shroud for their Hidden Village that sheltered them from the burning heat of the Eastern sun and - deadlier by far - the clear regard of enemy ninja.

Hazou scowled at the thought. It was a childish metaphor, and he was eleven now, basically a ninja grown. His third year at the genin academy was all but over, the springtime of his youth already passed. With this bet, he would con his first mark, earn his first ill-gotten wage as a shinobi. Scents wafted up from below: fresh-caught fish and shaven ice, preserving salt and pickling brine, and above it all the heavenly aroma of Amatetsu's roasted yams, sticky-sweet with their pulpy flesh caramelized, kept always just on the right side of burnt. Rumor had it Amatetsu cooked them so that they'd slightly scald the tongue, a tasteful reminder to any genin-candidate that slacked on his elemental defense. Some jounin liked to eat them by the whole armful, because they were delicious, but also to show that they could.

There was the slap of sandals against stone, and Hazou knew from the gait that Hoshigaki Tonume was here to pay. He turned, putting on his best impression of a confident smirk.

As usual, Tonume's face was distorted by the overlarge lollipop in his mouth. Blue-skinned and tall for his age, Hazou's classmate answered his smirk with a widely gleaming shark-toothed smile.

"When I win," Tonume said, "I'm going to buy fifty candies. If you beg nicely, I won't tell the others how I got 'em."

Crap.

Hazou was no good at this ninja banter thing.

He plucked at the collar of his loose, long shirt, painfully aware that it was many sizes too large.

"Um... Just shut up and watch!" he eventually replied, tone boastful. "You better have the money."

"Got it right here," Tonume revealed a thick roll of 1- and 5-ryou notes, wealth enough to buy ten bowls of ramen, or thirty baked yams. "Nicked it from my brother the other day. And you? Last chance to back out. I don't mind taking your money, but this almost feels too easy."

"B-Back at you," Hazou replied, slightly unsteady. The sight of so much money... he was starting to get anxious. He briefly flashed his own ante, a neatly folded stack of ryou that he had painstakingly counterfeited over the last week.

"Great!" Tonume sat down and leaned back, resting his head on crossed arms as if they were on one of the island's sandy beaches. "Entertain me. And remember, it's foot-to-foot only. If you grab on with your fingers, or even knock a shin, your money is mine."

Hazou blew off Tonume's condescension with a casual wave. "Keep talking tough. Maybe you'll talk yourself out of life's regret, following your loss to me. After all, you'll need something to fill that mouth once you're too poor for candy."

That was okay, Hazou thought, marshaling his confidence. Maybe a little stilted, but respectable for a genin-candidate.

"Hey! I teethe!" Tonume protested, but Hazou was already running, already breaking for the edge, steps clattering against stone with metronomic regularity. He sprang off the final ledge with convulsive power, shocking strength for a body that small, and hung suspended for a brief breathless eternity over all the Hidden Mist, the bustle and din of the market, the shopkeeps and haggling matrons, ricksaws clattering against cobblestone, the muted glow of oven-fires against the churning fog, and beyond that the sea, and the blazing sun, rising now into the sky that Kurosawa Hazou now shared with the seagulls.

Despite the injuries he'd taken, despite everything, it was a feeling that never got old.

And yet, any spectator that looked from below would have known for a certainty that the little boy with outflung arms wouldn't make it, that he was too low by a hair.

But as Hazou neared the apex of his jump, he passed above Amatetsu's shop, directly over the exhaust pipe of Amatetsu's mighty Thousand-Yams Furnace. Its warm, steady updraft was caught by the boy's outflung arms, trapped momentarily by the cloth of his oversized shirt. It carried him just a bit further, just a touch higher at the peak of his leap, and he landed feet-first on top of the Mizukage's Tower, the subject of so many forlorn bets by so many genin-candidates in the past.

It looked an exceptionally haphazard landing, a chaos of twisting limbs to keep his balance, but on a windless day he could stick it every time. Below, Tonume shouted a very dirty word, and raised his palms to his head in despairing disbelief.

"No way... No student makes that jump! One in a hundred times you make that jump, and it had to be this one," Tonume groaned.

One in four hundred, actually, and Hazou had the bruised shins, bruised knees, and bloodied fingers to prove it. But one in four hundred was good enough for a Kurosawa to stick it every time.

Hazou raised an eyebrow. "Pay up, Hoshigaki."

"Yeah, yeah," Tonume grumbled. "Let it not be said that a Hoshigaki failed to keep his word... What'm I gonna teethe with now?" The blue-skinned boy threw his cash on the ground, and Hazou deftly made the much easier gravity-assisted leap back to collect it. Carefully he inspected the bills, rubbing them between his fingers. They were good.

"Pleasure doing business with you," Hazou said, trying out his most professional tone of voice.

"Whatever," Tonume had turned away, and was already absentmindedly gnawing on a kunai. "I'll get you, Kurosawa. Next time!"

Hazou hoped Tonume wouldn't ask for his money back, after he found out that the Kurosawa were a Bloodline Clan. Well, if he ever found out. The Hoshigaki's chakra was almost casually overpowering, but he was extremely inattentive in class.

He waited until the other boy had departed before allowing himself to feel a spark of hope. Hazou clutched the wad of cash protectively against his chest, and began an excited trek home. Maybe with this... with this, maybe their money troubles wouldn't be so bad.

He couldn't wait to see the look on his mother's face!

--- [The Following is Non-Canon / Not Yet Canon]

"...And that's how I came up with the idea," said Kurosawa Hazou, genin, missing-nin, traitor to the Hidden Mist, who was currently standing before a massive chasm next to his temporary teammate for this mission.

Tonume had never gotten his next time. Over the weekend his distant relative betrayed the Mizukage and Hazou had never seen the boy again. Nor had his minor fortune put a dent in his mother's arrears. She'd been a jounin, with a jounin-sized debt, up until the day she died.

But it had given him this fast-traveling method, and bittersweet memories of his mother were still warmer than the ones that presently dominated his mind. The ones that had, as of late, clung to his awareness like a stubborn mist, as if scratching out the symbol on his headband had caused another to emerge in retaliation. Another mist that he wished desperately to discard.

"So it took you about twenty tries to make this jump, but since you made it once, you can do it every time? And this entire route is filled with obstacles like that?" His companion pressed a finger to her lips. "I can see how that would be useful."

"Not obstacles," he said, "shortcuts. There are seven chasms like this that block off the southern region. Even chunin otherwise as accomplished as yourself can't jump them consistently. To continue in a straight line towards the main road, there are two mountains that can only be traversed via goat-path, and in the forest beyond I can take four-tree jumps instead of two for further speed. I've three separate landing points encoded for each jump, alternate branches for the tree jumps, and slightly slower paths in case of heavy wind or storm. There are subroutes that branch off of each of the main routes, for easy delivery to a specific vicinity." This he delivered with calm confidence, encoded synpases firing flawlessly, not a muscle out of place.

He showed her the map he'd drawn, which resembled a single snaking blood vessel flanked by a thicket of capillaries extending into the thick forests of Fire Country. There were two other primary routes as well, cutting east and north-east, each laced with fewer, but still numerous, sub-routes.

"If your client needs it delivered quickly, in the dangerous terrain around here, I'm your man."

His companion propped up the run-through forehead protector covering her eyes. Inimitably blue, they looked upon him with amused interest.

"Huh," she said, "who knew one of our cute genin could be so useful? Maybe you're not all dead weight."

"I never forget a movement," he replied, and returned her smile with his own, an easy smile that seemed to emanate genuine goodwill. It was rare, to see a smile so sincere on a shinobi.

Don't forget, Hazou.

Don't forget me.

Don't forget us, don't forget why we died. Don't- Oh, what am I asking?

I'm being silly. There's no need to ask this of you. The talent is even stronger in you than it is in me. We might almost have succeeded in you, or maybe your daughters and sons.

Listen to your mother, Zou-chan. You're a genin now, so be strong. Obey your sensei's orders, that man can usually be trusted. Try not to eat so many sweets, and remember to dress warmly when it gets cold. Be prepared to kill everyone you meet. One day, when you're strong, find a nice girl and treat her well. Mama won't forgive you if you're mean to her, okay? Take care of yourself. Don't worry if you seem selfish. It's selfish people who get what they want in this world.

Now, place the kunai like this, right above my heart. You know what follows. I want you to do it yourself. That way...

...You'll never forget.


---

Climbing the hill back, she placed the forehead protector down over her eyes. The less pollen that got in from this damnable country, the better. Who said allergies were too trite for medical ninjutsu!?

"Shikigami." If she was surprised by the jounin's presence, her voice didn't betray it.

"So, what'd you think? He's my personal student, so be kind." It was impossible to tell if he was being serious.

She turned to regard the student, far below them, as he packed up his maps. His movements were crisp and efficient, surprisingly quick despite their almost unhurried air. He was fast, for a genin.

"I've heard of the bloodline, but I guess they're rare enough we don't see them," she ventured.



"Should've seen the boy's mother," Shikigami interjected. "No one's ever forgetting her."

She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I guess he's... pretty normal? I don't know, I just kind of thought his movements would be more puppet-like, artificial. With what they can do."

"You still have a lot to learn," the jounin exhaled. "Here's a lesson for you: a perfect copy of human movement, looks like human movement. If it betrayed anything else, it wouldn't be perfect."
 
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Omake: The Dao of Kagome
Omake: Kagome, volume VII

Chapter 1

Alright you little shit, you finished reading volume VI before the timed explosion seal in the back cover went off so obviously that was too easy for you.
That in mind, let's try you on something a little more advanced.
The following is the design for a storage seal that will generate a new storage pocket each time it's activated, allowing for infinite storage space.

Study it.
Copy it.
Infuse it.
Activate it.
Familiarise yourself with its functionality.

Once you know it like the back of your hand proceed to chapter 2.

Chapter 2

If you're still alive to read this then congratulations you stinking stinker, you figured out that the design was for an explosion seal disguised to look like an infinite storage seal.

Below is the real infinite storage seal design.

Same deal again. Proceed to chapter 3 when you know it inside out.

Chapter 3

Still alive, huh?

Then I guess you noticed that the designs in chapters 1 and 2 are identical.

Here's the real real design.

Half of it is missing, and I've made 47 mistakes.

Fix it or it'll explode when you activate it.
 
Omake: Rock Lee Non-Proliferation Treaty
@eaglejarl Can we have a separate quest for icehawk and give us the happyfun version?

Let me think...hm.

Hm...


Omake: It's all Icehawk78's Fault
"Holy gods, what did you do?!" Wakahisa screamed as the team frantically dodged yet another massive fireblast. "Why are they targeting us, for gods' sake? We're just a bunch of genin!" He dove to the side, rolling across the surface of the water as a barrage of kunai went past, thrown by the charging Zabuza.

There was a flicker as Sarutobi Hiruzen, the God of Shinobi, shunshined in front of them, his staff flicking out with such speed it trailed a sonic boom behind it. "Foul interlopers!" he cried. "You shall not defile the soil of my land with your filthy missing-nin feet!"

"Mori-Clan Final Technique: Unfettered Brilliance!" Keiko shouted. The world seemed to freeze; ribbons of chakra lightning catapulted from the sky and earth, leaping into her body and connecting her to everything around her. She reached out, grabbing her teammates by the back of their necks, and stepped to the side, dragging them with her. Hiruzen's staff flicked past her shoulder, missing by less than an inch.

The Hokage shifted his staff to a one-handed grip so that he could slash sideways while forming a jutsu with his free hand. A ball of destructive raiton energy formed, growing rapidly as his fingers danced through the seals. Keiko bent at the waist, yanking her teammates down so that the staff scraped across their backs instead of ripping them in half.

"Seriously, Noburi, what did you do?!" Keiko shouted, leaping off the surface of the water and dragging her team up with her as Hiruzen launched his attack. The splash from her leap intersected the raiton ball and grounded it out a foot in front of them.

"I didn't do anything!" Noburi said, curling to get his feet under him as they landed and doing everything he could not to resist Keiko's steely grip. The young kunoichi must have been channeling massive amounts of chakra because she was able to able to move him around like a ragdoll -- as he discovered when she yanked him down into a crouch just in time for Zabuza's massive sword to spin through where his head had been. The weapon curved like a boomerang, returning to the hand of its master as Zabuza caught up with them from their seven'o'clock. From the opposite side, a wall of swamp water crashed outwards as Gamabunta, the Boss Toad Summon, appeared at Jiraiya's call.

The chirping of a thousand birds came from behind them just as the wave arrived; Keiko stepped up onto the tsunami of swamp water and surfed away from Kakashi's Chidori just before it would have exploded through her chest. Kakashi's balance was disrupted for a split second by the wave, giving the genin a chance to get clear.

"Then it must have been your fault, Hazou!" Keiko shouted over the roar of a thousand fireballs arcing down from the sky where an army of Naruto clones were hurling them one after another. "What in the hells did you do?!"

"All I said was that green spandex looked great and that we should totally study genjutsu so we should make our teeth sparkle and that spring was an especially youthful time!" Hazou shouted, "Ohcrapwe'regoingto--"

Sarutobi Hiruzen was in front of them again, his expression thunderous. "Try your smart tricks now," he growled. He clapped his hands together and the world became fire.
o-o-o-o
"You think that might have been a little overkill, Hokage-sama?" Kakashi asked carefully, brushing the water out of his eyes. The Hokage must have been a little embarrassed at having a genin evade his first attack, because he had set the air on fire in a one-mile radius. Of the sixty-five chunin who had come along on the punitive raid, forty-six were going to be in hospital for several weeks with bad burns, and the rest were thoroughly scorched despite managing to dive under the water in time. The thirty-two Leaf jonin and twenty-four Mist jonin were mostly unhurt, having all managed to call up a Water Prison around themselves or otherwise find some sort of cover. Even so, everyone was stepping very carefully around the still-angry Hokage.
"No, I don't," Hiruzen said, shifting his trousers aside so he could pee on the half-melted Mist headbands. "'Springtime of Youth', green spandex, and all that -- that's Gai's schtick. I'm not about to let anyone else steal it." He paused. "Also, that Rock Lee kid is bad enough, but can you imagine if there were more of them? I had to make sure they didn't escape to breed."

Kakashi nodded. "You're right," he said, "that would have been awful. Someone should have told them not to do that." He joined his Kage in urinating on the Mist headbands.

"I'm sure someone did," Hiruzen said. "Multiple times, probably. Anyway, it's dealt with. Come on, I've got a special lunch prepared for our guests from Mist. I had it brought all the way from the Land of Snow: seventy-eight icehawks, lightly grilled."
 
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Omake: The Sealing Song
OMAKE: Don't Hug Me I'm Paranoid



Kagome: What's your favourite idea? Mine is making explosions!

Keiko: How do you have ideas?

Kagome: I just tried to plan for THE ENEMY. Now when you look at this paper, tell me please, what do you see?

Noburi: It's just some boring old paper!

Kagome: Maybe to you, but not to me. I see a mushroom cloud!

Hazou: Wow!

Kagome: Blowing the stinkers to tiny bits!

Noburi: I don't see what you mean.

Kagome: Because you're not prepared for THE ENEMY. So take a look at my seals!

Hazou: Cool!

Kagome: I use my seals to protect myself.

Inoue: That sounds really dangerous.

Kagome: I use my seals to protect myself. Now, when you stare at the shadows in the trees, don't you find it unnerving?

Keiko: No.

Kagome: Come on! Take another look!

Noburi: Oh wait! I can see a rational Orochimaru hat! I can see a summoned cat! I can a hunter-nin, carrying a bat!

Hazou: I can see an Inuzuka's dog! I can see Jiraiya's frog! I can see an ANBU, replacing with a log!

Kagome: I think you're getting the hang of it now, using fear to not run out of time.

Keiko: I made psych profiles of the people in the town!

Kagome: Whoa there kid you might need to slow down!

(Kagome pours ink on Keiko's notes.)

Kagome: Here's another good tip,

Hazou: Yeah?

Kagome: on how to be a sealing whiz-kid. Go and collect some paper and ink, and arrange them into your favourite seal.

Hazou: Explosive!

Noburi: Explosive!

Keiko: Storage.

Kagome: Storage is not your favourite seal. There's one more thing that you need to know, before you let your explosive seals blow. Listen for the ANBU! Listen in the rain! Listen to the voices in your brain!

Hazou: Come on guys, let's level sealing!

(scenes of utter carnage and unspeakable evil)

Inoue: Now let's all agree, to never let Hazou level sealing again.
 
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Omake: Who's Your Teacher?
"So..."

"So?"

"Who's teaching you sealing?"

"What makes you say that?"

"You can make seals."

"I can."

"And you're getting better at it."

"I hadn't noticed."

"And you haven't been eaten by a shoggoth yet."

"I'm pretty lucky, I guess."

"Look kid, I can tell when someone's self-taught. They tend to have an odd number of limbs."

"Err..."

"Five, more often than you'd think."

"Uh... Huh..."

"So...?"

"Okay, fine! Yes, I have a teacher!"

"And they are...?"

"More comfortable in anonymity."

"Ah."

"..."

(drops henge, reveals self to be Kagome)

"Really?"

"You can never be too careful. Anyone might sell you out. Anyone! CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"
 
Omake: The Crossover That Fortunately Wasn't
What happens when you put something in the scroll and then burn it?
The contents are released. According to Kagome, this is why you never ever dispose of unidentified seals by burning them.

By Sage and His Paths it's only Friday!

I'm attempting to write a plan here, please stop trying to give me a heart attack.

Sorry, wrong quest. I meant to post that in Slivers in the Chaos Lands.
Hazō paced nervously around the hilltop. This was why you didn't mess with unknown high-rank shinobi. Turns out what Hanzō of the Salamander had sealed Rain off for was advanced space-time ninjutsu research - or at least that's what Inoue-sensei suspected. She thought they'd somehow been teleported to the Summon Realm, a theory given weight by the fact that the place seemed to be ruled by a giant telepathic centipede chakra monster and its minions. Unfortunately, the language barrier was slowing Noburi's attempts to negotiate for a Regina summon contract.

There were other humans here, a couple of whom even spoke some bastardised dialect of the common language (which they called "Japanese"), but the party was wary of spending too much time around them, based on Kagome's insistence that they were insane experimental sealcrafters with technology capable of destroying the entire planet or tearing open rifts across time and space. Hazō's attempts to dismiss this as standard Kagome paranoia were somewhat undermined by the foreigners admitting that yes, they had in fact come here by tearing open a rift across time and space.

While Kagome dedicated himself to mining every inch of the nearby tunnel complex (having discovered a fellow explosives enthusiast in the hive's solitary human), Akane was playing with some of the younger centipede chakra monsters by way of rehabilitation, Keiko was exploring the concept of serene fatalism with the strange pointy-eared yōkai in the forest, and Inoue-sensei was busy wrapping the sealcrafting specialist Makei around her little finger as a setup for getting hold of some of his exciting advanced weaponry.

Hazō, meanwhile, was ostensibly acting as lookout, but really devoting his attention to trying to come up with a list of actions long enough, and detailed enough, to somehow make sense of this mess.

Hazō: Awareness said:
Enormous green oni army led by Fire and Lightning ninjutsu specialists: Stealth said:

The one time Hazō managed to spot an approaching enemy from a mile off...

-o-​

TL;DR: You should count yourself lucky the cross-post was merely a voting reminder.
 
Omake: Absolutely NOT World Domination
"Hey Jiraiya," Hazou called, "we got the contract. It was tigers, but we got confused for a while because of all the giant tapirs everywhere. Turned out they were food for the tigers."

"That's great news!" said Jiraiya.

"We also conquered the proto-hidden village that was holding the contract as a sacred relic, and added them to your spy network. Around eighty genin all in all. We set them to work scouting out some interesting rumours. You're welcome."

"Uhh."

"Hmm?"

"Do I need to worry about you guys taking over the world? I could have sworn I talked to you about that."

"Nope, not the whole world. Probably Mist, though."
 
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Omake: Role model?
Omake: [GONE WRONG]

Mari: "HEY WHAT'S UP I'M BURADUBERRI MARI, AND TODAY WE'RE GONNA BE DOING A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT! THIS TIME WE'RE STEALING A BOAT AND SEEING HOW THE OWNER REACTS, LET'S DO THIS, BITCHES!"

--scene change--

Mari: "Hey, you have a boat right?"

Civilian: "Ye-" (gets punched in the face)

Mari: "Taking it!"

Civilian: (through broken nose) "WHAB BE BUCK?!"

Mari: "Relax bro, it's a social experiment!"

Civilian: "BUCK YOU, GIB BE BACK BY BOAT!"

Mari: "Hey calm down, dude there's a sharingan!"

Civilian: "BUCK OBB! BON'T TELL BE TO CALM BOWN! I'B GETTIBG THE TOWB BIBJA OB YOUR ASS!"

--scene change--

Mari: "ALRIGHT, THIS TIME WE'RE TELLING OUR GENIN TO HIDE A BODY AND SEEING HOW THEY REACT! LET'S DO THIS!"

Hazou: (sigh) "I swear we used to have an adult role model? What happened?"

Noburi: "Zabuzza killed him. We went with Inoue-sensei instead."
 
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