Interlude: Proof of My Existence
February 26, 1070 AS.
Today was a special day. Arguably, as far as Snowflake was concerned, every day of her existence was special, since as a conditional being, she was fortunate to be able to experience it. She would always remember Isan, where every awakening came with a reminder that the world did not need her and was quite happy to move on without her by days at a time. Doubtless, there would be many other missions in Kei's life during which she would not be able to spare the chakra for Snowflake to exist. Today, however…
Today was Snowflake's birthday. An event just for her, of all the various intelligent beings of all the Paths. An event that did not belong to Kei, for all that Kei was to be held responsible. An event, furthermore, during which some of those other intelligent beings—despite their better judgement—chose to celebrate Snowflake's existence. The Gōketsu gaming hall had been set aside for the party, with snacks and drinks and the promise of Kagome's Sautéed Nameless Meat and Edible Tree Root Special (a taste of the missing-nin days she'd missed) soon to come. Kei and Tenten were both here with the Gōketsu, as was Shikamaru despite his distaste for parties, though Akane and Yuno were sadly away on a mission. Snowflake had, after discussion with Kei, decided to invite Mari but not Shiori (whom Kei was still too mortified to speak to so long after the incident).
Yes, today was Snowflake's birthday, and in addition to the joys and horrors of being the focus of everyone's attention, there would be
gifts. Snowflake could not begin to imagine what her loved ones would consider appropriate gifts for someone who had only the vaguest idea of who she was, much less what she wanted.
But first…
Hazō ascended the dais in the central room with the air of a priest about to bestow a solemn benediction on troops heading into battle.
"Friends and relatives," he began. "Before we start the celebrations proper, allow me to say a few words."
He did not get further than that.
"Oh, no!" Noburi declared in high, exaggerated tones. "A Hazō speech! Don't worry, Snowflake, I'll save you!"
Noburi ran towards Snowflake in dramatic slow motion, arms swinging, with the air of a man trying to outrun an explosion. As he reached her, he thrust his hands towards her, holding out a pair of Banshee Slayer earrings like a talisman against incoming hungry ghosts.
Snowflake looked down at them quizzically. "Are these a present?"
"What? No. Just mass-produced junk." Noburi indicated Hazō with a tilt of the head, and received a cold look in return.
"I didn't tell anyone I was planning to make a speech," Hazō said. "Do you just randomly carry utility seals around in case they come in useful sometime?"
"Sure do," Noburi said.
Hazō smiled. "That's my brother. Now, as I was saying… Exactly a year ago, the Gōketsu and the Nara were both blessed with a truly happy accident. Instead of merely creating more of the world's scariest sister"—Kei preened—"the Shadow Clone Technique created something entirely new. I don't think any of us could have predicted at the time that, after some teething troubles," which was to say, a first meeting Snowflake would not be able to recall without cringing for the rest of time, "we would gain a beloved new sister/cousin/lover/friend/Companion whom we're grateful to have in our lives. Inevitably brilliant, caring, and, dare I say it, attractive"—Kei preened some more, while Snowflake blushed—"but also with a creativity, curiosity, and thoughtfulness that are all your own… Snowflake, I'm proud to call you family, and proud to be by your side as you continue to grow and discover yourself. Happy birthday!"
There was a chorus of "Happy birthday!" from all around the room as Snowflake stood still as a statue, processing words that she was only half certain she'd heard correctly, and would surely never hear again.
"And now, I'm going to take advantage of my position as master of ceremonies—"
"Self-appointed!" Noburi called out.
"And don't you wish you'd thought of it first," Hazō countered. "I'm going to take advantage of my position as master of ceremonies to be the first to give my present. Snowflake"—he reached into a box located strategically next to the dais—"this is for you."
It was surprisingly light in her hands, and exquisitely soft. From the shining eyes to the lifelike pointed ears to the sleek whiskers, the toy black kitten was without doubt the most adorable thing Snowflake had seen in her brief life. She had to resist a sudden overwhelming impulse to hug it to her chest.
"Hazō," she said coolly, "while I appreciate the gesture, what makes you think a toy kitten is an appropriate gift to give an adult woman who was mercifully able to skip all of the horrors of childhood?"
Hazō grinned. "That's exactly why!"
"What do you mean?" She would not hug it. Not in public. It would be the death of her and Kei's carefully-cultivated image as mature and responsible individuals who deserved to be taken seriously at all times.
"I figure," Hazō explained, "that precisely
because you missed out on having a normal childhood—or whatever childhood would be normal for a Mori; I'm pretty sure it involves more tests than mine did—you ought to have an opportunity to explore how you feel about the things you never got to experience. And, all things considered, a black kitten seemed like an inevitable choice."
"Does she—does it have a name?" Snowflake asked casually.
"How about Mewramasa, the Devourer of Unworthy Souls?"
Elegant. Tasteful. Possessed of both species-appropriate playfulness and mythological flair. Yes, it was exactly the kind of name… wait a second.
"Hazō," Kei demanded as the temperature in the hall plummeted faster than the first hundred Hazōlator prototypes, "how do you know that name?"
Hazō took a reflexive step back at her expression. "Oh. Oh, I… um…"
He looked around for help, but none was forthcoming. The rest of the family was either bemused, apathetic, or gleefully curious to see how Hazō would get himself out of whatever mess he had gotten himself into this time. Snowflake herself certainly looked forward to learning what kind of invasion of their joint privacy could have been deep enough to uncover personal memories Kei would never willingly share with anyone. Depending on the answer, she might assist with the execution.
Finally, Noburi made the sealmaster handsign for "cognitohazard" (Kagome had forced them all to learn the basics) behind Kei's back.
"Ami!" Hazō exclaimed. "Yes, it came up when Ami was telling me stories about your childhood. That's all there is to it."
"I see," Kei said. The fireplace began to warm the room up again. "I shall have to have
words with my dear sister upon her return regarding topics suitable for public consumption. If she is under the mistaken impression that I cannot dredge up embarrassing childhood stories about
her…"
Hazō, who should have been relieved at his narrow escape, had curiously gone even more pale.
"Oh, she's away?" Noburi asked. "That explains why I haven't been able to get hold of her. Any idea what she's doing?"
"She is away on a mission," Kei said. "Something about chaos answering and necessary escalation. It was quite cryptic."
Hazō's face was practically white now. Could he have been overworking himself? Was there some way Snowflake could help him relax?
"Wait," he said distantly. "Why are you trying to get hold of Ami?"
"Pranking training, duh," Noburi said. "She says I'm a natural who just needs to cast off the remaining shackles of so-called common sense before I can access the true power of pandemonium that is a prankster's birthright."
"Sage's ballsack," Hazō said, shoulders slumping as if the weight of the world was proving too much for them at last. "Is
that the reason I woke up the other morning to find that my Earthshaping practice rock had turned into a stone carving of an O'Uzu fertility symbol? Same kind of rock and everything?"
"No," Noburi said innocently, "that was just you using ninjutsu in your sleep. Don't worry, it happens to a lot of teenage boy ninja."
Hazō sighed.
"Much though I appreciate the sight of a foolish sibling taking his first halting steps towards imitating the avatar of perfection that is Ami," Kei said, "the rest of us also have gifts to present. Snowflake, I believe you already know what this is." She proffered a slim volume with a colourful cover, which Snowflake accepted reverently.
The latest volume of
Dauntless: The Adventures of Yukihana Kyōko had been printed only yesterday, the dramatic revelations within yet to reach most of its small but growing audience. Kei would, naturally, receive her own free copy, but this one… this one was Snowflake's alone.
"In this month's story," Kei explained for the benefit of the others, "the identity of the masked Ice Assassin with whom Kyōko's party has clashed time after time is revealed to be Kyōko's long-lost twin sister Koyuki.
"Is there hope for reconciliation between the sisters, or are they doomed to battle to the death?" she recited in a deadpan voice. "What happens when Nobasu, the playboy bard enchanted by Kyōko's looks, finds himself tempted by her evil counterpart? And what of the Nari the Cat Sage's prophecy that a Yukibana kunoichi will either save or destroy the world? Only this month's volume holds the answers."
"Nobasu the playboy bard?" Noburi repeated. "Really?"
"I understand his mixture of easygoing charm and conventional good looks is popular with the female demographic," Kei said, "while his role as comic relief, with his barrel of saké which he carries with him everywhere, appeals to younger readers. Some even consider him Kyōko's canon love interest, distasteful as the idea is to a more sophisticated reader."
For now, the poor literacy rates even in Hidden Leaf restricted
Dauntless's commercial appeal. Snowflake was considering advising Shikamaru to invest in the Gōketsu Education Department, or to start his own superior version, in order to address this problem with all haste. With sufficient progress in the field of human intellectual advancement, weekly publication could turn out to be more than a pipe dream.
Snowflake would not leave a corpse when she finally died. There would be no urn with her ashes, no name engraved on the memorial stone (she was not a Leaf ninja), nor a soul to enter the cycle of reincarnation. Then, those with memories of her would also perish, and when the Sage of Six Paths finally returned according to the prophecies, he would find no evidence that Gōketsu Snowflake had ever existed. Any record of her, however fictionalised and distorted, however trivial, was a challenge to this inevitable oblivion. (Also, redeemed villains had the best story arcs. This was known.)
"If this humble bard may speak," Noburi interrupted her thoughts, "I also have a present for you. I figured that you don't have much by way of possessions, and it must get annoying having to borrow stuff all the time, so think of this as a way of giving your own collection a kick-start."
He placed a stack of boxes on the table next to her.
Reavers of the Human Path. Bear Horror. Ninjutsu Samurai. Kage Hunters. Uncannily, they were all games she had enjoyed at past gaming nights and yes, would have wanted to be able to play at her own leisure (
Ninjutsu Samurai and
Bear Horror were particularly fine choices, as with the Shadow Clone Technique, setup actually took less time than the games themselves).
"I also ordered you your own deluxe game shelf from the Ishihara Workshop. They're swamped with orders right now and we're not the kind of clan ninja overlords who mess up people's businesses for our own convenience—which has not gone unnoticed, BTW—so look forward to that early next month."
Snowflake nodded gratefully. She wondered if she could persuade Kei to give her an afternoon off so she could try an all-Snowflake game of
Kage Hunters. The insights she stood to gain regarding her own thinking processes from a team-based hidden information game were fascinating.
"Oh, I nearly forgot," Hazō said. "Here, this is for you as well."
Snowflake took the sheet of paper from him.
One Hundred Ways to Combine Shadow Clones and Exploding Tags for Fun and Profit, she read.
"Hazō…" she growled.
"Just kidding. Flip it over."
It was one of Hazō's training menus. Snowflake could tell even without reading through it from the preponderance of lists and peculiar leaps of logic (how would training in identifying signs of ambush get Kei past her current Shadow Clone Technique plateau?). If she did not already know that Hazō's peculiar ideas brought tangible results—
"
Twelve hours?!"
Hazō beamed. "For now."
"Twelve hours
every day?!"
"Yeah."
"Kei, is this acceptable to you?"
Kei leaned over to study the list. "Without reservation."
"Hazō," Snowflake stated decisively, "I would hug you if it were not a terrible idea on a variety of levels."
"Thanks," Hazō said. "I'll take that in the spirit in which it was intended."
"You know," Shikamaru said from the armchair into which he was busy melting, "I hear invariably positive reports about your methodology for assigning daily training. Would you be interested in discussing it at some point?"
Hazō, Snowflake could tell, considered the matter exactly long enough to realise that, with his OPSEC talents, the Nara would have Shadow Clone godhood within the week.
"Sorry," he said. "Clan secret."
"Of course. My apologies."
While Snowflake stood in a silent daze (twelve hours! Every day!), Mari took the opportunity to step into the centre of the room. Kei stepped away accordingly.
"I'm sure I'm not the only one getting hungry, so let's keep moving. Can't you just smell the delicious scent of Kagome's finest cuisine wafting in? No, me neither. Hazō, add that to your list of superior storage scroll projects. And speaking of storage scrolls…" Mari flicked her clearly empty hand through the air.
"Alakazam!"
A wooden object perhaps two metres tall and a little less wide appeared in front of Snowflake. It teetered alarmingly, but Kagome quickly stabilised it before it could make up its mind whether to fall on her.
Try as she might, Snowflake could not identify it. The pale wood reflected the light in a silvery, ethereal way, and instead of being a straight box, the object had gently curving lines that evoked a slim waterfall. Rather than carve decorative shapes, the craftsman had chosen to allow the natural, curiously striated grain of the wood to speak for itself.
She looked at Mari questioningly, but it was Kagome who spoke.
"I've been practising with those Pangolin carving tools Kei got me, on and off," he said awkwardly. "Thought maybe it was time I tried my hand at a proper project."
"And the wood?"
"Summon Realm wood," Kagome said. "Weirdest stuff I've ever worked with. Expensive as heck, too. Uh, not that I mean it was a waste of money making a present for you or anything."
Snowflake frowned, trying to reconstruct a line of causality by which Kagome would be able to obtain Pangolin Clan resources without Kei (and thus her) knowing about it.
"It was all done through Pandā," Kei explained. "Back when Kagome asked to speak to Pandā for advice on using the tools, he was actually arranging the purchase. Apparently, Pandā was not acting excruciatingly suspicious because he had betrayed me to Pantsā
or developed a forbidden crush on me."
"Cunning," Snowflake said approvingly.
Kagome gave a proud smile.
"But what is it?"
The smile disappeared.
"Can't you tell?"
Snowflake studied the mysterious wooden object. It had been presented upright, so it was not a bed, chair, or un-upholstered sofa. Probably not an equipment chest either, given the dimensions. For a table, it was rather tall. Too thick to be a door. No, perhaps an armoured door, of the kind Kei had in Orochimaru's compound?
Finally, Mari put her out of Kagome's misery by pulling on a concealed handle.
"Ta-da!"
The wardrobe swung open.
As Mari watched with a smug smirk, Snowflake began to leaf through the dresses. Were these really her property now? Could she wake up in the morning and use some of her twelve hours(!) selecting an outfit that had not been purchased according to Kei's (or, more realistically, Ino's) tastes?
"Some of these fabrics and dyes are unfamiliar to me," Snowflake noted, "and Kei has memorised more import and manufacturing data than could possibly be healthy for a young woman. Are these also Pangolin-sourced? But no, Pangolins do not wear clothing, nor are these recognisable from their paint repertoire. Another summon clan? Surely you did not call for assistance from the Hokage himself in securing clothes from the Monkeys?"
"You, my dear, are too clever for your own good," Mari said. "Why would I need pangolin purchases or monkey merchandise or any summon shopping at all when by the end of my stay in Isan I had merchants begging me to buy their wares at the cheapest prices they could afford without going into debt?"
Oh. Snowflake was an idiot.
"This azure dye here? Apparently, that's a kind of chakra beetle that only lives in the mountains of Tea. It's venomous
and poisonous
and parasitic, but the Isanese use its shell to make pretty dresses anyway. Every once in a while, even they get their priorities straight. And the fabric of that dress there? Three-hundred-year-old trade secret, supposedly passed down from Ui himself, because obviously he was busy tailoring women's dresses when he wasn't crushing people's skulls with his bare hands. I knew I'd come up with a use for these samples sooner or later."
Snowflake examined dress after dress. When had Mari had these prepared, given that she had only recently learned Snowflake's measurements?
No, Snowflake was still an idiot. These were done using
Kei's measurements, and she knew Mari had been waiting to turn her into a dress-up doll from the moment Team Uplift first came in the general vicinity of both shops and money.
Then she reached the end of the dresses, realised that there were boys looking curiously over her shoulder, turned flaming crimson and slammed the wardrobe shut with force that might have destroyed lesser furniture.
"Mari,
that was a negligee!"
"Alphabetical expert on Leaf's hundred sexiest lingerie brands over here," Mari said unrepentantly. "If you think that one's something, I promise you the Snowflakesphere is going to faint when they see the ones nearer the back."
"There is no Snowflakesphere," Kei muttered. "Also, I refuse to be seen wearing
that."
"Nobody says
you have to wear it," Noburi commented.
"I know what I said."
"For the record," Shikamaru spoke up from his armchair, "I do not expect my consciousness to be threatened, as I have no interest in your clothing choices beyond a general appreciation of those that are aesthetically pleasing, assuming I notice in the first place."
"Shikamaru," Snowflake replied, "you did not notice when I returned from my unplanned shopping trip with Mari in a flaming red and gold tunic while wearing experimental makeup selected by a genius of seduction for maximum impact. When questioned, you speculated that I was wearing a new ribbon. I feel confident that my sartorial choices will not unduly disrupt your daily life."
"I was reading a book," Shikamaru said.
Fair.
"Speaking of books," Shikamaru said, "and moving swiftly away from a topic which I suspect will only earn me additional female resentment if pursued, I do in fact have my own gift for you."
He reluctantly extricated himself from the armchair to hand her an old-looking scroll.
"These are the private notes of Senju Tobirama, containing unstructured philosophical musings, frustrated rants, and various other materials of a personal nature which he saw fit to commit to parchment at various points in his later years. Naturally, they are not publicly available, presenting as they do a demigod in an all-too-human light, but you would be amazed how far Nara clan head clearance, mastery of archive navigation, and a high threshold for boredom can get you.
"If the Second's notes on the Shadow Clone Technique specifically still exist, they are strictly on a need-to-know basis and neither you nor I need to know, but I thought perhaps some insight into the general mentality of your grandfather-by-some-sort-of-extension might prove of value to you."
Senju Tobirama. Her creator one step removed. The architect of everything she was, from the material of her body to the basic structure of her self. She loathed no being more in all the seven Paths.
It was not an extension of her general self-loathing. Kei was responsible for most of that, and thence in turn the people and events that had made Kei what she was. He was not one of them. No, Senju Tobirama was the man who had created sapient beings, equal to himself in every way, and then condemned them to mayfly lives of slavery followed by erasure. Willing slavery, in fact, so insidious that it denied its victims even the feeble agency of human slaves, who could curse their masters and dream of freedom in the privacy of their heads. How many prototypes had he created and murdered until he found the formula that let him say, "Die for me", and be met with enthusiasm?
Or was that every Kage's dream? To have minions who knew nothing but obedience, who lacked the concept of defiance, whose interests and desires were irrelevant and whose lives were endlessly expendable at the tyrant's whim? No, even the ill-fated Sixth Hokage, Snowflake believed, had not been as inhuman as the Second.
"Snowflake, please be careful. You are crushing the scroll."
Crushing it? She should burn it. Every trace of that man's existence removed would be a blessing on the world.
Snowflake flinched hard. Destroying writing? Destroying information? What was
wrong with her?
"Thank you," she told Shikamaru. "I will peruse it when an appropriate opportunity arises."
One day. When she could read it safely. Perhaps a stronger, more mature Snowflake would be able to enter the monster's mind and find some valuable revelation that would help her understand herself. Perhaps.
That left one last gift. Snowflake calmed herself as best she could. It would not do to have her experience of Tenten's present tainted by hatred.
Tenten, as ever, had no preamble to offer. Instead, she handed Snowflake a book, an elegant leather-bound volume thick with many pages… all of which were blank. Only the front cover was decorated, with a silver snowflake on a black background.
Blank pages…
"A diary?" Snowflake asked.
Tenten nodded. "For memories that belong only to you."
Snowflake did not own her memories. They belonged to Kei, returned to her mind at the end of Snowflake's day, and stayed there as real time, human time, passed while Snowflake did not exist. In the morning (hopefully), they were given back to her, on loan—but never to keep, for as a shadow, she had nowhere to keep them.
It had never occurred to her to have a storage medium independent of Kei. Kei had a bias against diary-keeping after abysmal abortive attempts in her youth, which Snowflake had unconsciously inherited. But the notion of having memories defined and recorded by her alone, and untainted by the subtle shifts in cognition that came whenever her mind was updated with Kei's changes… it was surreal. And beyond that…
Snowflake was finite, conditional, temporary. A diary was not. Assuming proper storage, it would outlast human civilisation, perhaps even welcome back the Sage if he did not dawdle. It would be proof of her existence, not as she was seen by others, but as she saw herself.
She would write the first entry tonight. She would describe this party, and then if some disaster happened and she never woke up again, that description would preserve everything that mattered. Her family and their love for her. Her own thoughts and feelings. The exercise of her agency expressed by the very act of writing. The fact that, despite everything, despite all her flaws, despite the twisted nature of humanity and all its workings, despite the awfulness of the world, today Snowflake was happy to be alive.
-o-
This interlude is brought to you now because there was very little to be written in the current plan:
- You already have Mari's response: there are no magic bullets for Akane's situation; just be supportive as best you can
- There continue to be no therapists in the MfDverse, Yamanaka or otherwise; if you want a full Ino scene anyway, please feel free to put it in a new plan
- Your sanity checkers unanimously vetoed trying to get Asuma to give Akane special treatment; things might be different if she were literally unable to perform her duties reliably (OOC, a Moderate or Severe mental Consequence), but as former Jōnin Commander, Asuma would be experienced enough to recognise that's not the case
Special thanks to
@RandomOTP for their present ideas. Hazō's present was inspired by
@absoluteblack and LWildcard (see the threadmark in Media).
-o-
What do you do?
Voting closes on Saturday 19th of February, 1 p.m. New York time.