"On consideration, I believe it would be best for someone to report your clandestine activities, and their outcomes, to the Hokage," Itachi said.
He stepped back so as to be able to see the entirety of the room.
"In deference to your courage, I will allow you to choose which one."
For a moment, the words didn't make sense. Itachi was going to send one of the family back to Leaf now while the rest of them finished their conversation?
Then the truth hit him: Itachi was going to kill everyone in the room except one person (well, and Hidan), and intended to psychologically torture Hazō by forcing him to decide who lived and who died.
Oddly, the thought did not provoke fear. It did not even provoke anger. It was simply too bizarre, too operatic, to register. No, the only thing it provoked was disgust.
"Are you serious?" Hazō asked. "You're seriously going to make me choose one of my family to live and then kill the rest of us.
That's your threat." He shook his head in disgust. Far away in the back of his mind, a tiny voice was shrilling its alarm at the words coming out of his mouth, but the voice was too tiny and too far off for Hazō to obey. "Out of curiosity, do you read a lot of Icha Icha? Because I'm pretty sure Lord Machi did that to Jun in book fourteen,
Icha Icha: Tower of Bloody Doom."
Itachi was so fast he was not even a blur, but Hidan was in motion before Hazō finished speaking. His scythe licked out, catching Itachi's wrist on the blunted section at the forte of the lowest blade. The spear-hand strike that would have gone straight through Hazō's head stopped an inch from the bridge of his nose.
"None o' that, Pink Eyes. He's got Lord Jashin's favor and I'm looking forward to killing everyone who gets in his way. It'll be a new experience, actually having some way o' choosin' targets that are most pleasin' to The Great One. Much as I like you, I hope
you're not gettin' in his way."
Itachi pushed the scythe away and whirled on his teammate. "Listen, you arrogant little psycho! You think he's got your god's favor just because one of the seals he was carrying blew up and tore open a portal to the afterlife? It's a joke! A sick
joke! It's fucking
closing, you dimwitted little bastard! Your so-called god is just fucking
toying with us! We're not going to get Nagato back. We're not going to get
anyone back, because the fucking thing will be closed by tomorrow at the latest!"
Hidan leaned casually on his scythe, head cocked in interest. "Really? Your fancy-schmancy eyes tell you that?"
"YES! The Sharingan slows time and allows me to see truth! I could see the portal closing even as we stood there. We. Are. Not. Getting. Anyone. Back! Not unless they're picnicking immediately next to the damn thing!"
"Unknot your panties, Pinky. Just 'cause Lord Jashin don't wanna do all the work for us don't mean we can't get 'em back. He showed us that it's possible and he's giving us a day to study it, then we need to succeed on our own merits. I'd say that's one blessed lot more'n we had yesterday." He tucked his scythe into the crook of his elbow so he could clasp his hands in mockery of prayer and look up. "Thank ya, Lord Jashin, for this kindness you've bestowed 'pon us. I promise I'll find a way to bring people back so I can kill 'em for ya over and over."
"Stop joking around!"
Hidan straightened up, spine threateningly straight as all trace of humor fell away. "I ain't jokin', Itachi. Lord Jashin ain't in the habit of carryin' us, but he's shown us a way to get there on our own. That's not nothin'."
"Ohhhhhh," Hazō said, realization dawning. "That's your damage, Itachi? You've failed at everything throughout your life and can't stand the thought of having to work for your victories?"
"You shut up, you stupid little shit! You know
nothing about me!"
"I know that whatever your problem with your family was, you couldn't solve it properly so you took the easy way out and murdered everyone...except for your brother, and all the civilians. Do you know that since the Gōketsu were formed there were two babies born in the Uchiha compound who have chakra systems that might be capable of development to ninja levels? You couldn't even manage to wipe out your own bloodline."
The world was drifting far away, unreal and painted. Some part of him knew that it was dangerous to speak truth and mockery to a person who could literally kill you with his brain (well, eyeballs), but somehow he couldn't stop himself. "And then you fucked up at protecting the ritual. Sure, you were facing off against overwhelming forces, but Team Uplift did that in Isan.
We survived just fine, because
we were smart enough to set up adequate defenses. You couldn't save your fr—" He stopped, studying the rage and pain on Itachi's face, the white-knuckled fists. "He wasn't just your friend, was he? Idol? Lover?" The knuckles turned pale as bone and Hazō nodded dreamily. He wasn't sure where the insight was coming from, why he could see the connection floating from Itachi in nine-space and draping itself in friendly twinings around Hidan's shoulders, or the other threads that spun off into the distance to make far-off connections. He didn't see with his painted-on eyes, he simply
knew, in the same way that he knew the world was flat and so very, very limited in its quaint little four-dimensionality. "You failed to save him." He snorted. "Heck, the Sharingan is supposed to make you the greatest master of genjutsu alive but you couldn't even defeat Kurenai. She's a very talented jōnin but no one has ever talked about her in the same breath as Gai, or Kakashi, or the Three. I guess that's what happens when a scrub who lets his bloodline do the heavy lifting goes up against someone who worked for her skills."
"That's enough, Gōketsu. Shut your fucking mouth or—"
"Let 'im talk," Hidan growled. "You need to hear this."
"This morning, you were onboard with helping us," Hazō continued. "You were true to Pain's dream, and you saw that working with us made it more likely that you could honor his memory. Then you get one little setback and you throw a tantrum like a toddler. Like a bully, wielding cruelty against those weaker than yourself in order to make yourself feel bigger. And you can't even do
that well! You act like some cliché fantasy villain. If you had a mustache I'm sure you'd be twirling it."
He gestured to Akane, and Noburi, and Haru. "We are Gōketsu, the Clan of Guts. We were nothing but genin, tricked and abandoned by those who should have protected us." (He ignored Haru's muttered "I wasn't.") "We weren't blessed with all the best training a Hidden Village could offer and magic spinny eyes that shoot fire. We fought our way through every threat based on courage and determination. We
earned the Pangolin Scroll, we didn't steal it. We—"
"Became terrorists and gave Mist a foothold on the continent," Itachi sneered. "You upset the power balance of the Elemental Nations and brought war years closer."
From far behind his eyes, the being that was Hazō pulled the strings that made his meat shrug. "Mistakes were made. We upset the balance further when we invented skywalkers, something so valuable that Leaf brought us in from the cold, adopted us and gave us a seat on their Clan Council. Do you understand what that
means, O Terrorist Far Greater Than Us? We showed a path back to honor. It's possible for people to change Villages. Give it a decade and the Kage will no longer be able to rule by fear. They will need to maintain the respect of their ninja or those ninja will simply leave on a mission and not come back. Ninja will flood to the Village that treats their ninja well, that shows honor and gives them self-respect."
"And that Village will conquer all the others! It will use those ninja for war and oppression!"
"Perhaps. Or perhaps it will
prevent war. Why would a missing-nin choose to go to an expansionist Village where they're just going to end up dying on the front line? They will go to the most prosperous Village, and war doesn't bring prosperity. As that Village—which, let's face it, is going to be Leaf—as that Village gets stronger it will be less likely to be attacked. Asuma is his father's son; a diplomat, a builder, a peacemaker. He will seek trade, stability, wealth and health for his people."
"Oh? Even with Rock? Or will he send them plague blankets and deadly animals?"
Again the strings were pulled. Itachi was far away, a tiny dot of meat and bone and rage that receded into the distance while spreading forth heat more like a candle than a bonfire. "All meat bears the flaws of the paint. Asuma is vastly beyond most of you and he wishes to bear you up, not cast you down. You, Itachi, you know nothing of the up. You are all flame and death and pain. Your pain and those you cast it into with your touch. Flame does not need to be pain and death, Itachi. It does not need to be black. It can be a shelter in the storm, a light in the dark. Release your pain and become what Pain wanted for you, and for everyone."
One of the Hazō's upper limbs moved through space again, the peripheral phalanges indicating the spatiotemporal projections of those he claimed under the odd bond named 'kin'. "The Gōketsu bent your reality twice, perhaps more, in directions even you would grant as beneficent. We have more than proved our worth. We will bend it further, hammer out the dross. We will bring people to peace and unity softly and by their own will, not by whatever compulsion you and yours chose as the easy path."
"Hey now," Hidan said, his voice reproving and slightly hurt.
"You know it truth, Disciple. Perhaps your method could have worked but it was blunt and crude, a thing of force and compulsion. Humans fight against compulsion by nature, even when the compulsion is to their benefit. The path you walked was short and clear but it was narrow, one that only your group would choose except in chains. The Way of the Gōketsu is slow and overgrown but wide enough for all to follow."
For the first time, the scythe-bearer seemed uncertain, his confidence in the colors of the paint disrupted.
The Hazō's vision orbs turned away from the Disicple of the Slayer, turned back to those carmine globes that could incinerate flesh with a moment's thought. The globes were distant, pale, powerless with their wearer's will to act scattered.
"Jiraiya was a leader. A student throughout his time of motion. A master of his arts. He was one that you feared, Itachi no longer of the Uchiha. He earned his power through blood and sweat and will. He was far from perfect; his center was shattered by the stilling of his mentor's flesh and it led him to lash out upon provocation...lash out in precisely the same way as do you now, pressing your foot on my neck because I am weaker than you. Despite this, in the depth of his pain he also showed compassion and kindness, opened himself to loss as he bound himself in chains of love for those foreign to him. He forged his nation into a unity and walked a path that would have lead to peace. At the Exams he spent a mighty secret and weakened himself for all time merely to save children. What children have you saved, Wellspring of Blood? He was the one who caught your scent and tracked you across the lands, gathering pieces of the lantern and assembling them to shine light upon your hidey-hole. He was the one who forged the mighty alliance of ancient enemies, who swept away your efforts and restored the world to a balance from which true peace may flourish.
"The Gōketsu walk his path after him. I say again: When the sun was new this day, you saw our path and called it good. One small twist in that path and you collapse, a straw dummy struck too hard. Your beloved, leader or lover I know not, showed courage to reshape the world. Where is your courage, Kin Slayer? You have fallen, now stand up. Walk the path of honor once more. Show the world that you, and they,
can walk that hard road, that long road, that wide road that can truly subdue war."
The distance shattered, the rope that had tethered him to the painted world stretched to its limit and finally rebounding, snapping him back to his flesh and out of the no-place that showed him the truth of which the paint was but a projection. The reality of everything that had come out of his mouth, every trace of the truth with which in his madness he had lashed Itachi bloody, came rushing in and showed him just how badly he had misstepped. If Itachi had been ready to kill them before then he was a thousand times more ready now. He was so angry he was shaking, breathing heavy with fists so tight it was a miracle his bones didn't shatter.
"Kid, that was the dumbest thing I've ever heard nobody say," Hidan said, shaking his head in amusement. "Seriously, I'm almost afraid that if I tried to sacrifice you then Lord Jashin would smite me for blasphemy. He's clearly got sum'n reeeeeal specific-like in mind for you, 'cause no natural person could have a mouth as big and a brain as small as you but still live this long. Not without some kinda divine favor."
"Uh...I...I...." Hazō realized that he was stammering and forced himself to stop and breathe. There was nothing he could say that would get him out of this, so he might as well die with courage. "I admit I was rude. Was I wrong?"
"Eh." Hidan waggled his hand. "A little over the top, maybe a little self-servin'. Still, not bad for a shrimp like you. Jiraiya teach you that?"
Hazō pondered whether or not to say 'Actually, I looked at the Pangolin Scroll with my bloodline and now I sometimes fall out of reality and become my own meat puppet, but it has been tapering off and will hopefully stop entirely sometime soon.' He decided instead to go with, "Something like that."
"Well, word ah advice for ya: Stop doin' it until you can back it up. Jiraiya got away with it because he could put the beatdown on anyone who didn't like it. You're just lucky that I'm here and think it's hilarious, 'cause otherwise old Whirly Eyes would be fuckin' your shit right up about now."
Itachi turned and walked out of the building.
Hidan watched him go and then sighed. "S'pose I'd best be goin' after him. Don't want him to kill everyone in town and not leave any fer Lord Jashin." He stood up and followed his fellow murderer into the sunlight, his scythe held jauntily over one shoulder.
Clan Gōketsu silently watched the two demigods walk away. When they were well gone, Haru turned to Noburi.
"Does he do that often?" he asked, gesturing to Hazō.
"All the damn time."
"Does it always work?"
"Not really, no. Still, first time for everything, right?"
"Hm."
The barrel-wearer flashed his newest cousin a grin. "Still glad you joined?"
"Eh."
o-o-o-o
Thankfully, the MEW box around the plant rift and the unknown black portal were still unmarred. Just to be sure, Hazō drank some of Noburi's water and added another few layers to the top and sides of the box, then used Hiding Like a Mole to feel along the underside for cracks; he found none.
When he came back up, the others were studying the portal that might or might not lead to the afterlife. Their faces were filled with varying degrees of uncertainty concerning the portal itself, plus horror at the endlessly looping death of Daizen.
"Hazō, you aren't really serious about going through this thing, right?" Noburi asked.
Hazō shrugged. "I can't let him be tortured forever, and we need to know if it's possible to go and then return."
"And what if it's not?" Akane asked. "We can't lose you."
Hazō smiled sadly. "You can. Mari is on her feet again. She'll manage the clan just fine, especially with your moral guidance."
"We will
not be fine! Hazō, your youth is the thing that has driven us, the thing that led us to where we are. Kagome would not have invented skywalkers without you. The Gōketsu would not exist. In fact, all of us would have been dead: Bosatsu and his friends would have killed us."
"The tortoise went in and made it back. Didn't even seem that bothered."
"Don't be stupid, Hazō." Noburi sounded more tired than anything. "It's an animal. It lacks a vital essence."
"I'm willing to bet that's wrong." He gestured to Daizen, still falling to his agonizing doom over and over. "Besides, how youthful would it be to leave him there?"
"Who gives a shit?" Haru asked. "He tried to kill you."
Hazō studied his newest clansman. "That's not the Gōketsu Way, Haru. We are Team Uplift. We kill people when we have to and save people when we can. You weren't there for the
Sunset Racer, but we're all deeply in the red. I need to do this."
Noburi shook his head. "Seriously, Hazō, you've done some seriously dumbass stuff but this is probably the dumbest your ass has ever been. If you walk through that portal, you will die. No doubt about it."
"I don't believe that, Noburi. For all we know, that's the Seventh Path. It's possible for a human to travel safely to the Seventh Path and back."
"Yeah, with a contract and a lot of training. And a native of that Path to lead the way. We've all heard Keiko: Signing a contract before you've had the training will kill you, period. Heck, even trained Summoners can't go on their own."
Hazō shrugged. "I've seen what's outside of our world, Noburi. It's...survivable. Sort of."
"'Sort of' is not what I want to hear when my second-favorite target of snark is risking his life." He paused and then clarified. "Neji is my most favorite, obviously."
Haru turned to face Akane and Noburi. "Hey, I call dibs on that blue shirt of his. You know, the one with the copper buttons?"
Hazō grinned. "I'm pretty sure the sleeves are too short for you."
Haru sighed and shook his head sadly. "It's always something."
"Heh. I like you," Noburi said, grinning. "You're gonna do fine. Oh, and if we're calling dibs then put me down for that silver-chain belt Mari got him."
"This is not a time for jokes! It is not youthful to joke about looting Hazō's things while he is still alive!"
"We weren't actually going to loot them while he's still alive," Noburi said, hurt. "We were going to wait until after he's dead. You know, about a minute from now when he walks through that portal like a complete dumbass who won't listen to all the smart and sane people."
"And on that note," Hazō said, activating his skywalkers and stepping through the portal before the others could stop him. Akane cried out and reached for him as he passed through, but was too slow. She pulled her hand back before it broke the plane of the portal.
He stepped forward far enough to be out of range of Noburi's Water Whip if his brother tried to pull him back. There he stopped, standing a few inches above the sand and looking around.
The sky was gray and overcast, the sun concealed such that the light was diffuse and without apparent source. The portal had opened about a third of the way down a bay; the yellowish-gray beach was an inward curve with headlands in both directions and ocean with no visible boundary between him and the horizon.
"AAAAAHHHHhHhhhhhhhHhhhh!!!!"
Sploosh! "AAAAAHHHHhHhhhhhhhHhhhh!!!!"
Sploosh! "AAAAAHHHHhHhhhhhhhHhhhh!!!!"
Sploosh!
"Right," Hazō muttered, jogging forward on his skywalkers, gaining altitude as he went so as to be out of the way of Daizen's repeated splashes. He slowed as he got close, timing the cycle until it reset, then lunging forward and grabbing Daizen around the chest from behind.
"AAahh! Wait, what? Who? What?!"
"Relax. I'm here to save you. Just stay calm."
Despite Hazō's best efforts to keep his face hidden, Daizen managed to turn his head enough to recognize his rescuer. At which point he started struggling, throwing elbows at Hazō's head and back kicks at his shins. "I'll kill you! Kill you! Die in the name of Lord Jashin!"
"Ow! Fuckin' hell, man! Stop—ow! Fuckin' cut it out!"
"No! The Prophet said that you must die!"
"Okay, that's enough of that," Hazō said, shifting his right arm up so it was around Daizen's throat instead of his chest, meanwhile tightening his grip around Daizen's midsection in order to keep him from falling. He squeezed tight, pressing on the other teen's carotid arteries. The choke hold was greatly assisted by the fact that Daizen was still struggling and therefore slipping down so that most of his weight was hanging from his neck.
"Die, heretic! Di—urk!"
Daizen's struggles had been enough to slip completely free from Hazō's grin, snapping his own neck in the process. He went limp, then vanished.
"AAAAAHHHHhHhhhhhhhHhhhh!!!!" He reappeared back at his original point in mid-air and fell.
Sploosh!
"For fuck's sake," Hazō muttered in disgust. He stepped back a few yards to be sure he was clear of any potential grabbing, then rummaged around in his storage scrolls until he found his hammock, familiar after so many months in the wild. He checked to make sure that the ropes on the end were still firmly attached, then tied a loop at the end of each one, ignoring the constant sequence of screaming splooshes. He wrapped one of the loops around his body, over his left shoulder and under his right arm, then got into position.
"Three...two...one...gotcha! Shit!"
Hazō's attempt to swing the hammock out and around the falling Daizen failed; his timing was slightly off and the rope on the far end of the hammock did not come back to him quite fast enough. The Jashin cultist fell to his doom again.
"Well, at least I'm not short on chances," Hazō muttered.
It took three tries but eventually Hazō managed it. Daizen was wrapped firmly in the webbing of the hammock like a fish in a net. Hazō looped both ends around himself and awkwardly lugged his repeatedly-attempted killer back to shore.
Partway there, his left skywalker collapsed under him and he fell forward. He barely managed to activate the other in time and ended up hanging upside down from one foot, his shirt over his head and Daizen dangling below him almost in the surf.
"Sage's suffering scrotum," Hazō muttered to himself.
With a little effort he managed to get another pair of skywalkers out of his pockets, reload the failed one on his left foot, and use the other and a lot of chakra adhesion as a handhold. Three points of contact and repeated applications of Pantokrator's Hammer gave him the strength to lift himself and his prisoner/rescuee away from the ocean, get himself turned over, and get them back to the shore. The whole time he ignored Daizen's ongoing cursing and attempts to free himself from the hammock.
Hazō's original plan had been to dump Daizen on the sand, but suddenly that seemed like a bad plan. Undoubtedly, the cultist would simply attack him again. Instead, he walked over to where the portal hung three inches above the beach. Haru, Akane, and Noburi waited on the other side, looking terrified and also amused at the various antics.
"I'm going to swing him through!" Hazō called. "Be ready to subdue him!"
His clan frowned and gestured incomprehension. Noburi cupped a hand to his ear, then shook his head.
"Oh, for fuck's sake." He sighed, then decided they would figure it out. He moved into position above and just in front of the portal, then started rocking back and forth to set the hammock swinging.
The rope bent around the top of the portal as though it were the lintel of a door, allowing Daizen to pass freely back into the world of the living. Akane and the others immediately grabbed him and wrestled him to the ground. Hazō had to drop several feet in order to allow it, since the rope was still looped around his body, but they made it work.
A moment later Hazō was back in the clearing on Nagi Island.
"I cannot believe you pulled that off," Noburi said in amazement. He gestured to the portal. "It shrank two fingerwidths when you walked in, a handspan when you tossed Schmuckface out, and another two fingerwidths when you came out." He hesitated. "I really thought you were going to get trapped there." He sounded embarrassed at the admission of concern for his brother.
Akane had less interest in portal analysis and a much more physical response: She tacklehugged Hazō and squeezed so tight his ribs ached. "Hazō, you made it!" She held him for a moment, then pulled back and took him by the biceps, shaking him lightly. "Do not
ever do that again!"
Hazō was too out of breath, and too flustered by being squeezed against his former girlfriend's breasts, to say anything. All he could do was focus on getting his breathing working again and nod helplessly.
"What do we do with this guy?" Noburi said, pointing at Daizen's unconscious body. "I drained him unconscious but I don't know how long he'll be out. I don't feel good about carrying him back to town, but leaving him alone is a death sentence. Something will show up and eat him."
Hazō sighed, then gestured for them to step back. A little more rummaging in his pockets and storage scrolls brought forth an already-lit oil lantern, several Purifier seals, and a kunai. He activated one of the seals, dumped the whole lot next to the Jashin cultist and then raised a granite box around him with the Multiple Earth Wall jutsu.
"That should keep him safe until he wakes up," Hazō said, fighting through something that was more than 'tired' but less than 'exhausted'. "He can dig himself out." A thought struck him and he started checking his other storage seals.
"Oh, balls," he muttered.
"What?"
"Three of my oldest storage scrolls aren't working."
The other Gōketsu exchanged worried looks.
"Why not?" Haru asked. "Did they expire?"
"They were running down, but they should have had
at least another couple dozen activations. Damn, and I really like that chicken cacciatore."
"Your skywalker failed as well," Akane noted.
"Yeah, and Daizen here was only at about a quarter of his chakra," Noburi said, frowning. "I don't know how much he burned on those lightning techniques while fighting you, but he was in there long enough that he should have regenerated some."
"Speaking of," Hazō said, "I burned a whole bunch of chakra getting that ungrateful bastard out of there. Hint, hint."
Noburi laughed and shrugged off his barrel so he could recharge the first person to voluntarily enter and return from the Great Beyond.
XP AWARD: 10
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Voting ends on Wednesday, April 29, 2020, at 12pm London time.
