- Location
- The state of Paranoia
I laughed out loud. I hope you're happy.
Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
-
- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard open voting
TaliesinSkye
Occasional Editor
- Location
- Northeast Ohio, United States
That went surprisingly well. I'm glad we're making up some of the distance between Hazou and Keiko.
- Location
- Poland
- Pronouns
- He/Him
You are aware that the Hazou-Keiko conversation got retconned, probably soon to be replaced by an Akatsuki attack?
A well, that merchant must have been out of clean shirts.
It is the chuunin exams after all.
There's a lot of people around buying things.
The probability of some random merchant being completely out of shirts isn't that low.
Nothing bad will happen.
We are in
Ha. Ha.
*sweats profoundly*
ohgodweredeadarentwe
"April Fools! Gotcha."
I wish it weren't february.
At first I thought that maybe Keiko decided to take some things into her own hand and is unavailable plotting our doom.
Or Akatsuki.
Or Ami.
Or all of the above (a world only kept from total destruction by the fact that Ami and Akatsuki keep coincidentially ruining each others plots).
But maybe it's just that Jiraiya got off'd in his sleep by a hidden-villages-coalition of assassins helped by the Hyuuga.
- Location
- florida
Why was it retgoned?
- Location
- Poland
- Pronouns
- He/Him
- Location
- Europe
Yuki clan (Ice element users) and no merchant council, probably helps.
- Location
- florida
Thank you my friend, that was most informative.
@eaglejarl don't sweat it man.
Can you shift that convo to apocrypha or something though? It was really good!
@eaglejarl don't sweat it man.
Can you shift that convo to apocrypha or something though? It was really good!
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
Yuki clan isn't Mist-native.
- Location
- The state of Paranoia
Well, now we know where Yukino and Zabuza are.
What makes you say that?
- Location
- Europe
They are in both villages (Snow and Mist).
Snow:
Mist:
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Hmmm... what important events would "completely contradict" Hazou and Kei having a conversation?
- Kei runs away to join the reich again?
- Kei murders Hazou using sharpened-Shikamaru-bone-spears?
- Tenten murders Hazou using sharpened-Shikamaru-bone-spears?
- Akatsuki interrupt?
- Ami interrupt?
- "Ami joins Akatsuki" interrupt?
- "Akatsuki join Ami" interrupt?
- Hazou can't take it anymore and stacked-implosion-nukes himself?
- Jiraiya finds Naruto?
- ('s body, being piloted by Pein -- who is now invading the exam)?
- Location
- Yes.
I'd offer to help, but I don't actually know the contents of the conversation
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
Jiraiya didn't actually spill soup on himself. He got mustard on his shirt.
There is no soup in Ba Sing Se.
More seriously, I'm extremely curious what could've put the kibosh on the conversation. Either the initial conditions ended up being bogus for some reason or some serious Defcon 1 shit went down...
I'd offer to help, but I don't actually know the contents of the conversation
Keiko's head snapped up. "It was not! Her actions were entirely appropriate! It was entirely reasonable for her to consider me a traitor to Mist, and she was absolutely right that I have always been a failure and a disappointment to the Mori cl—"
"NO YOU HAVE FUCKING NOT!"
Noburi shrank back in surprise and Keiko stopped in mid-word, eyes going wide in shock at Hazō's language and volume. Hazō was so angry he couldn't get a word out, and almost distracted enough to miss Noburi waving off the two ANBU who had been half a second from bursting into the room.
"Keiko," Hazō said at last, forcing himself to sound calm. "You have been told literally hundreds of times, by the people best qualified to judge your skills and actions, that you are not a failure and that the Mori clan were out of their fucking minds to treat you the way they did. You have had your physical skills pointed out to you. You have been complimented on your mind separate from your bloodline, so don't even try it. You have been told—quiet, I'm talking here—that being accepted as a Summoner is an impressive feat that showed quick wits and enormous courage. You single-handedly saved the clan by the financial deal you made with the pangolins"—she again started to speak and he again hurried to interrupt—"and what they did with the seals is not your Sage-bedamned fault, so shut up! You utterly demolished your opponents in the exams and in the tournament, demonstrating that you're a powerful ninja. You terrified Hyūga into being less of a prick. You inspired the people of Leaf. Your intelligence and wits are a major reason why our team survived as missing-nin for two years. If you want to be angry at me for ignoring your feelings, that is absolutely your right. If you want to snipe at me while helping figure out this deal with Ami, I will nod right along because I earned it. If you want to tell me to sod off and you aren't interested in discussing it...fine, whatever. But if you want to keep wallowing in self-pity and twisting the facts to show why you are not an incredible, brilliant, talented woman then you can just FUCK RIGHT OFF!"
He stopped, forcing himself to get his anger-accelerated breathing under control as he waited for Keiko's response. He felt like he should probably be nervous about it but, honestly, he was just too pissed.
"...I inspired the people of Leaf?"
Oops.
"Seriously? All that, and that's what you took away?" he said, replicating Jiraiya's tone as well as he could as he quickly arranged his thoughts to lead away from anything related to plushies or fan clubs. "Yes. The people of Leaf talk about all of us. Mari-sensei took me out a couple times before she fell apart, made sure that I heard some of the songs and stories. There's even some accounts of our 'adventures'—mostly made up and all exaggerated—that have been set to sea shanties. Not all of the stories are good, but literally everything about you is. In the songs, Kagome-sensei gets mocked for being crazy, I get it for being careless, Noburi gets it for...whatever, never mind. The point is, in none of the things that I heard about you did I hear a single word of criticism. You get held up as this shining paragon of intellect and lethal beauty, without the ribald comments that get made about Mari-sensei. So yes, you fucking inspired the people of Leaf. Now, would you please answer the fucking question that I was trying to ask before you went off on your latest spiral of self-hate?!"
Keiko stared owlishly at him, blinking slowly as her brain struggled to shift paradigms. "Yes?"
"Thank you. Now, right now I'm planning to go to this meeting with Ami and try to find out what the hells she wants. Despite my feelings about her actions, I know how much you care about her and I don't want to indirectly hurt you by way of Ami. Also, I would prefer to live in a world where the two of you reconcile. I recognize that I cannot accomplish that goal at this meeting, or even in many meetings. What I could do, and will only do with your approval, is to broach the subject of you and try to find out both why she did what she did and how she actually feels about you. I recognize that this is a risky course and I will not undertake it without your permission. In fact, unless you say it's all right I will not say a single word about you and will refuse to discuss the topic if she brings it up. So: How do you feel about the idea of me bringing you up in conversation with Ami? Separately, do you want me to broach the topic of reconciliation?"
Keiko considered for a moment, then smiled slightly. "That's two questions. You only asked me to answer one."
Hazō glared his lack of amusement loudly.
"Fine." She thought a bit longer. "My feelings on the matter are complex and I do not fully understand them. Part of me hopes that she will express a desire for reconciliation. Part of me fears hearing that she has no interest. I dread the idea that she hates me or, perhaps worse, has utterly dismissed me from her thoughts. I worry that it might not be possible to reconcile. That perhaps our relationship is permanently shattered. I entertain wild notions about why she severed our bond—perhaps it was because I was a missing-nin and she fears being socially tainted by my presence despite wanting me there? Perhaps she was angry at me for betraying her and our family? Perhaps she simply got tired of putting up with my—"
"Keiko."
Keiko hesitated. "There are many reasons that I can think of for what happened, and all of them frighten me. With that said, I recognize that an alliance with Ami and whatever this faction of hers is would be a powerful advantage for the Gōketsu. However angry or hurt or afraid I am, I refuse to be a drag on this clan any more than I nat—"
"Keiko!"
"I refuse to be a drag on this clan," she said, aborting her prior words. "Discuss with her whatever you feel will be useful, provided that you maintain OPSEC and do not commit us, or me, to anything specific without consulting Jiraiya."
Hazō considered that. "Fine. Thank you." He paused. "I'm going to go make a sandwich. You want one?"
"No, thank you."
"NO YOU HAVE FUCKING NOT!"
Noburi shrank back in surprise and Keiko stopped in mid-word, eyes going wide in shock at Hazō's language and volume. Hazō was so angry he couldn't get a word out, and almost distracted enough to miss Noburi waving off the two ANBU who had been half a second from bursting into the room.
"Keiko," Hazō said at last, forcing himself to sound calm. "You have been told literally hundreds of times, by the people best qualified to judge your skills and actions, that you are not a failure and that the Mori clan were out of their fucking minds to treat you the way they did. You have had your physical skills pointed out to you. You have been complimented on your mind separate from your bloodline, so don't even try it. You have been told—quiet, I'm talking here—that being accepted as a Summoner is an impressive feat that showed quick wits and enormous courage. You single-handedly saved the clan by the financial deal you made with the pangolins"—she again started to speak and he again hurried to interrupt—"and what they did with the seals is not your Sage-bedamned fault, so shut up! You utterly demolished your opponents in the exams and in the tournament, demonstrating that you're a powerful ninja. You terrified Hyūga into being less of a prick. You inspired the people of Leaf. Your intelligence and wits are a major reason why our team survived as missing-nin for two years. If you want to be angry at me for ignoring your feelings, that is absolutely your right. If you want to snipe at me while helping figure out this deal with Ami, I will nod right along because I earned it. If you want to tell me to sod off and you aren't interested in discussing it...fine, whatever. But if you want to keep wallowing in self-pity and twisting the facts to show why you are not an incredible, brilliant, talented woman then you can just FUCK RIGHT OFF!"
He stopped, forcing himself to get his anger-accelerated breathing under control as he waited for Keiko's response. He felt like he should probably be nervous about it but, honestly, he was just too pissed.
"...I inspired the people of Leaf?"
Oops.
"Seriously? All that, and that's what you took away?" he said, replicating Jiraiya's tone as well as he could as he quickly arranged his thoughts to lead away from anything related to plushies or fan clubs. "Yes. The people of Leaf talk about all of us. Mari-sensei took me out a couple times before she fell apart, made sure that I heard some of the songs and stories. There's even some accounts of our 'adventures'—mostly made up and all exaggerated—that have been set to sea shanties. Not all of the stories are good, but literally everything about you is. In the songs, Kagome-sensei gets mocked for being crazy, I get it for being careless, Noburi gets it for...whatever, never mind. The point is, in none of the things that I heard about you did I hear a single word of criticism. You get held up as this shining paragon of intellect and lethal beauty, without the ribald comments that get made about Mari-sensei. So yes, you fucking inspired the people of Leaf. Now, would you please answer the fucking question that I was trying to ask before you went off on your latest spiral of self-hate?!"
Keiko stared owlishly at him, blinking slowly as her brain struggled to shift paradigms. "Yes?"
"Thank you. Now, right now I'm planning to go to this meeting with Ami and try to find out what the hells she wants. Despite my feelings about her actions, I know how much you care about her and I don't want to indirectly hurt you by way of Ami. Also, I would prefer to live in a world where the two of you reconcile. I recognize that I cannot accomplish that goal at this meeting, or even in many meetings. What I could do, and will only do with your approval, is to broach the subject of you and try to find out both why she did what she did and how she actually feels about you. I recognize that this is a risky course and I will not undertake it without your permission. In fact, unless you say it's all right I will not say a single word about you and will refuse to discuss the topic if she brings it up. So: How do you feel about the idea of me bringing you up in conversation with Ami? Separately, do you want me to broach the topic of reconciliation?"
Keiko considered for a moment, then smiled slightly. "That's two questions. You only asked me to answer one."
Hazō glared his lack of amusement loudly.
"Fine." She thought a bit longer. "My feelings on the matter are complex and I do not fully understand them. Part of me hopes that she will express a desire for reconciliation. Part of me fears hearing that she has no interest. I dread the idea that she hates me or, perhaps worse, has utterly dismissed me from her thoughts. I worry that it might not be possible to reconcile. That perhaps our relationship is permanently shattered. I entertain wild notions about why she severed our bond—perhaps it was because I was a missing-nin and she fears being socially tainted by my presence despite wanting me there? Perhaps she was angry at me for betraying her and our family? Perhaps she simply got tired of putting up with my—"
"Keiko."
Keiko hesitated. "There are many reasons that I can think of for what happened, and all of them frighten me. With that said, I recognize that an alliance with Ami and whatever this faction of hers is would be a powerful advantage for the Gōketsu. However angry or hurt or afraid I am, I refuse to be a drag on this clan any more than I nat—"
"Keiko!"
"I refuse to be a drag on this clan," she said, aborting her prior words. "Discuss with her whatever you feel will be useful, provided that you maintain OPSEC and do not commit us, or me, to anything specific without consulting Jiraiya."
Hazō considered that. "Fine. Thank you." He paused. "I'm going to go make a sandwich. You want one?"
"No, thank you."
Tua
鸡肉面条汤
- Location
- شوربة الدجاج المعكرونة
I'd offer to help, but I don't actually know the contents of the conversation
That seems like an awfully specific and unprompted denial.
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
This is why watching the thread to receive OP email notifications is useful.I'd offer to help, but I don't actually know the contents of the conversation
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
You mean refreshing the thread what some unenlightened fools would call obsessively?
Tua
鸡肉面条汤
- Location
- شوربة الدجاج المعكرونة
My preferred form of reading chapters is watching them being written live on their Google Docs account. Isn't that what most of us are doing?
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
That does come in handy sometimes, but I was chiefly talking about the fact that anyone watching the thread with OP alerts on gets a copy of all the chapter posts emailed to them.
You don't read them before they're written? Tsk tsk.
- Location
- Potato land