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Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

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Happy birthday to both of you!


(Has the terrifying thought that Velorien's gonna kill us off as a birthday present to himself :p)


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Reactions by all 3 QMs!!! Yessssss!
 
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I had to go deep into the console to find the url that was failing to display, but in the end I found this:
 
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Chapter 247, alternate intro
  • Apocrypha
    • Author's Note: A bit of alternate timeline for your entertainment. It did not actually happen in MfD canon, but imagine this as contiguous with the end of chapter 246, immediately after Hazō receives the 'not actually marrying you' letter from Ami.


    Jiraiya was frantically digging through his trunk, tossing clothes over his shoulder and muttering angrily to himself.

    "Sir?" Hazō said tentatively, lingering in the doorway.

    "What?" Jiraiya snapped. "Can it wait? I need to be out the door two minutes ago for today's fun and games with the other Kage, and of course I just spilled mustard on my last clean shirt."

    Hazō ran through the contents of his myriad storage seals and determined that no, he did not have any clothes that would work for Jiraiya's build. (He immediately resolved to start carrying at least one set of appropriate clothing for each person in the Leaf delegation.) "I think Higashino has something that will fit you. I'll go check."

    "Actually, would you mind going, Lynx?" Noburi said. "Hazō needs to show Jiraiya something and I really, really need to see his face when he reads it."

    The young ANBU raised an eyebrow and snorted in amusement. "Of course. I'll be right back." He slipped his mask on and vanished in a flicker of chakra-enhanced speed.

    "Nothing pastel!" Jiraiya shouted after him. "The guy wears way too many pastels," he muttered to himself. He turned to his sons, who still stood quietly beside the door. "Okay, what did you need to show me?"

    Wordlessly, Hazō handed over the 'just kidding about the marriage' scroll. After all, what was there to say?

    Jiraiya skimmed through it quickly, then went back and read it more carefully before snapping it shut in annoyance.

    "That girl is going to make me crazy," he muttered.

    "May I offer my assessment, sir?" Hazō asked carefully.

    Jiraiya took a deep breath and released it slowly. "Go for it. This is a good chance for you to try out your political instincts."

    "Thank you, sir," Hazō said uncertainly. He had political instincts? Huh. "First, the original letter, the one with the acceptance of the marriage offer which I did not make, was delivered by a Mori courier. If we take this letter as true then the original courier was compromised. That implies that this courier was not compromised, which means that Ami has some sort of network of contacts and a way of vetting who is and is not loyal to her."

    "That one isn't magic," Jiraiya noted. "You listen to what they say, watch what they do, and check for inconsistencies."

    "Yes sir. However, to me it suggests that her network would be of at least moderate size and not just a few handpicked close friends. Close friends would be much harder to compromise."

    "You'd be surprised," Jiraiya said. Lynx reappeared in the room, shirt in hand, and Jiraiya started shrugging into it as he continued. "Still, it's a good point. Much easier to compromise people who are working for money or favors as opposed to people who are personally loyal. What else?"

    "This letter may or may not have been compromised. If it was then we can't trust its contents. If it wasn't then we can interpret this as Ami giving us the opportunity to choose between going through with the marriage or cancelling it, and she'll go along either way. On the other hand, the first letter was very aggressive in its phrasing, suggesting that that is the option she actually prefers."

    Jiraiya finished lacing his shirt and pulled his haori on over it, tying the belt quickly. His hands moved automatically, but he frowned in thought as they did. "I'm not completely sure I agree," he said at last, heading for the bedroom door, Hazō and Noburi trotting along beside him. "It's a good analysis and certainly plausible, but it makes my teeth itch. It's a risky play, and very pushy. I refuse to believe that her Clan Head blessed this plan, so most likely Ami hasn't discussed it with the elders and is doing it purely on her own. Remember our conversation about fear? It's one thing for That Woman to try to back me into a diplomatic corner, but Ami has no such protections. If I took offense I could cause her a huge amount of trouble. On the other hand, if I went along with the proposal and she sprung the news on her clan that she was marrying into the family of a traditional Mist enemy—one that is mostly comprised of so-called 'traitors to Mist'—then she would very likely be stricken from the clan rolls. Even execution wouldn't be entirely outside the bounds of possibility. If she really does want to marry you then this was the wrong way to do it, since her only path to a win is if I support her and publicly advocate for the suit. She'd have been much better off approaching me quietly."

    They were at the door to the apartment now. Jiraiya slipped on his sandals and nodded to Lynx and Panda, the two ANBU on duty today. "Anyway, interesting topic for later. We're doing some tricky legal revisions today so it'll probably be a late night. Stay safe, don't cause any trouble." He and his ANBU vanished out the door, leaving the two boys behind.

    "That went well," Hazō said after a moment.

    "I cannot wait to hear you present this to Keiko," Noburi said, grinning. "Have you got any popcorn left in your storage seals?"

    Hazō shot his brother a disgusted look. "Shut up, Nobby."

    Noburi's grin got wider. "Make me, Mr. MEW."

    Hazō shook his fist (mostly-)pretend-angrily at his tormentor, then took a breath. "Okay, let's do this."

    The distance to Keiko's door was similar to the distance from the Gōketsu estate to the Yamanaka estate: Long enough to let the doubts and fears breed and short enough to not provide time for finding answers.

    He knocked quietly. "Keiko?" he called. "Got a minute?"

    A couple of very long seconds passed before Keiko called, "Come in."

    Hazō pushed the door open and stepped carefully inside. Keiko was sitting at her desk; a closed journal in front of her and inkstains on her fingers suggested what she'd been doing.

    "A messenger just brought this for me," he said, stepping forward with the scroll extended. He took care to hold it by the very end so there would be no risk of accidental contact. "You should read it. Don't worry, it's good news."

    Keiko gave him a narrowed look, then took the scroll and glanced through it. As had Jiraiya, she then went back and read it more carefully before rolling it up again.

    "I see."

    Hazō waited nervously to see what would happen next, but silence held sway. "What do you think?" he asked at last.

    "Why does it matter?" she asked. "We have already ascertained that you will do as you feel best, and I have acknowledged that I cannot stop you." She cocked her head, then lifted a kunai off the desk and considered it carefully. "At least...not morally."

    Hazō forced himself to smile around the teeth that he could not stop from gritting. "Keiko. Your opinions and feelings matter to me. There are fewer than a dozen people in the world whose opinions I care about, and you and Noburi are two of the most important. Yes, there are times when I will evaluate the situation and choose to do something that I know you will not like. Just as there are times when I will do something that Kagome-sensei doesn't like, or Jiraiya, or anyone else. I will only make that choice after careful thought when I truly believe, based on the best available evidence, that the value of such actions is so large that it outweighs personal feelings. That was the case with Ami; Jiraiya has made clear that she is an important player in the Mist political arena, but we know nothing about her power base or her agenda. I had an opportunity to approach her and potentially gain information that would give Jiraiya an advantage in the diplomatic arena. I understood there would be consequences, specifically that it would hurt the feelings of those I value. I evaluated whether it would be better to tell you before or after your match and decided that I would wait until afterwards so that you were not distracted.

    "I am aware that my words are not enough to resolve your feelings or to completely eliminate the issues between us. I will think on how to manage that and I ask that you tell me if you think of anything at all that I can do to make things better.

    "In the meantime, I need your advice...both for the good of the clan and so that I can try to avoid hurting you again. We have here two letters from Ami. Between them, my best understanding is that there actually is a marriage offer on the table but that if we choose not to take it then Ami will not press the issue. Does this accord with your understanding?"

    "It seems not unreasonable."

    "Noburi, thoughts?"

    Noburi hesitated, studying Keiko nervously. "Honestly, dude, if I were in your shoes, I'd be terrified. This Ami sounds crazier than a bag of cats—no offense, Keiko. She's giving Jiraiya fits; can you imagine actually having her as your wife? For that matter, what would it even mean? Would she come back to Leaf with us, or would she stay here? If she stays, are you expected to stay too?"

    Hazō raised both hands, palm-up in a gesture of helplessness. "I have no idea. At this point, my best idea is to meet with her again—not a date, not even an instance of two individuals spending time together in the hope of having a long-term relationship, or whatever that phrase is. Meet with her and just ask what is going on and what she actually wants. I need to run that by Jiraiya when he comes back and I want to run it by the two of you now."

    He scratched his head and frowned. "To be honest, I don't even know if I want to marry her. Like Noburi so very undiplomatically said, she's hard to understand or predict. She's also older than me and a jōnin, so I doubt I could keep up with her."

    "It's not that she's a jōnin that would make it hard for you to keep up," Keiko supplied. "It's that she's not stupid."

    Noburi laughed; Hazō gave his sister a sour look. "Not helping, Keiko."

    "I dunno, I thought it was hilarious," Noburi said. "Don't be so serious, Mr. MEW."

    "Fine, whatever. Look, that's my best idea right at the moment. Jiraiya gets final approval, obviously, but I still want to know what the two of you think."

    Noburi opened his mouth...then closed it. "Keiko, you want to take this?"

    "Of course you should go on the date, Hazō. After all, it would provide positive utility to the clan and that must be our overriding concern."

    Hazō heard his teeth grinding and forced himself to relax his jaw. "Keiko...." He broke off and forced himself to take a breath. He swallowed back the first thing he'd intended to say, and the second, and finally the third.

    "Okay," he said at last. "You want to be passive-aggressive about this, that's your right. You are correct that it might provide a lot of utility to the clan. Unless Noburi has a good reason why I shouldn't or Jiraiya vetoes the idea, I'm going to do it. Noburi?"

    His brother grinned. "Nah, you totally should. I can't wait to see what's left of you after she finishes sticking her fingers in your brain and stirring—metaphorically, of course." He paused, thinking. "Well, hopefully."

    "Right," Hazō said, choosing to ignore the final words. "Final question: Keiko, you get veto on this one if you want it. I cannot come up with words that properly express how I feel about what Ami did to you. 'Bullshit', 'traitor', 'raging bitch'...none of them properly convey my feelings of anger and—"

    Keiko's head snapped up. "It was not! Her actions were entirely appropriate! It was entirely reasonable for her to consider me a traitor to Mist, and she was absolutely right that I have always been a failure and a disappointment to the Mori cl—"

    "NO YOU HAVE FUCKING NOT!"

    Noburi shrank back in surprise and Keiko stopped in mid-word, eyes going wide in shock at Hazō's language and volume. Hazō was so angry he couldn't get a word out, and almost distracted enough to miss Noburi waving off the two ANBU who had been half a second from bursting into the room.

    "Keiko," Hazō said at last, forcing himself to sound calm. "You have been told literally hundreds of times, by the people best qualified to judge your skills and actions, that you are not a failure and that the Mori clan were out of their fucking minds to treat you the way they did. You have had your physical skills pointed out to you. You have been complimented on your mind separate from your bloodline, so don't even try it. You have been told—quiet, I'm talking here—that being accepted as a Summoner is an impressive feat that showed quick wits and enormous courage. You single-handedly saved the clan by the financial deal you made with the pangolins"—she again started to speak and he again hurried to interrupt—"and what they did with the seals is not your Sage-bedamned fault, so shut up! You utterly demolished your opponents in the exams and in the tournament, demonstrating that you're a powerful ninja. You terrified Hyūga into being less of a prick. You inspired the people of Leaf. Your intelligence and wits are a major reason why our team survived as missing-nin for two years. If you want to be angry at me for ignoring your feelings, that is absolutely your right. If you want to snipe at me while helping figure out this deal with Ami, I will nod right along because I earned it. If you want to tell me to sod off and you aren't interested in discussing it...fine, whatever. But if you want to keep wallowing in self-pity and twisting the facts to show why you are not an incredible, brilliant, talented woman then you can just FUCK RIGHT OFF!"

    He stopped, forcing himself to get his anger-accelerated breathing under control as he waited for Keiko's response. He felt like he should probably be nervous about it but, honestly, he was just too pissed.

    "...I inspired the people of Leaf?"

    Oops.

    "Seriously? All that, and that's what you took away?" he said, replicating Jiraiya's tone as well as he could as he quickly arranged his thoughts to lead away from anything related to plushies or fan clubs. "Yes. The people of Leaf talk about all of us. Mari-sensei took me out a couple times before she fell apart, made sure that I heard some of the songs and stories. There's even some accounts of our 'adventures'—mostly made up and all exaggerated—that have been set to sea shanties. Not all of the stories are good, but literally everything about you is. In the songs, Kagome-sensei gets mocked for being crazy, I get it for being careless, Noburi gets it for...whatever, never mind. The point is, in none of the things that I heard about you did I hear a single word of criticism. You get held up as this shining paragon of intellect and lethal beauty, without the ribald comments that get made about Mari-sensei. So yes, you fucking inspired the people of Leaf. Now, would you please answer the fucking question that I was trying to ask before you went off on your latest spiral of self-hate?!"

    Keiko stared owlishly at him, blinking slowly as her brain struggled to shift paradigms. "Yes?"

    "Thank you. Now, right now I'm planning to go to this meeting with Ami and try to find out what the hells she wants. Despite my feelings about her actions, I know how much you care about her and I don't want to indirectly hurt you by way of Ami. Also, I would prefer to live in a world where the two of you reconcile. I recognize that I cannot accomplish that goal at this meeting, or even in many meetings. What I could do, and will only do with your approval, is to broach the subject of you and try to find out both why she did what she did and how she actually feels about you. I recognize that this is a risky course and I will not undertake it without your permission. In fact, unless you say it's all right I will not say a single word about you and will refuse to discuss the topic if she brings it up. So: How do you feel about the idea of me bringing you up in conversation with Ami? Separately, do you want me to broach the topic of reconciliation?"

    Keiko considered for a moment, then smiled slightly. "That's two questions. You only asked me to answer one."

    Hazō glared his lack of amusement loudly.

    "Fine." She thought a bit longer. "My feelings on the matter are complex and I do not fully understand them. Part of me hopes that she will express a desire for reconciliation. Part of me fears hearing that she has no interest. I dread the idea that she hates me or, perhaps worse, has utterly dismissed me from her thoughts. I worry that it might not be possible to reconcile. That perhaps our relationship is permanently shattered. I entertain wild notions about why she severed our bond—perhaps it was because I was a missing-nin and she fears being socially tainted by my presence despite wanting me there? Perhaps she was angry at me for betraying her and our family? Perhaps she simply got tired of putting up with my—"

    "Keiko."

    Keiko hesitated. "There are many reasons that I can think of for what happened, and all of them frighten me. With that said, I recognize that an alliance with Ami and whatever this faction of hers is would be a powerful advantage for the Gōketsu. However angry or hurt or afraid I am, I refuse to be a drag on this clan any more than I nat—"

    "Keiko!"

    "I refuse to be a drag on this clan," she said, aborting her prior words. "Discuss with her whatever you feel will be useful, provided that you maintain OPSEC and do not commit us, or me, to anything specific without consulting Jiraiya."

    Hazō considered that. "Fine. Thank you." He paused. "I'm going to go make a sandwich. You want one?"

    "No, thank you."
     
  • Apocrypha
    • zxzx24 said:
    Thank you my friend, that was most informative.

    @eaglejarl don't sweat it man.

    Can you shift that convo to apocrypha or something though? It was really good!
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    Done. Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest | Page 5278

    faflec said:
    I'd offer to help, but I don't actually know the contents of the conversation :(
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    See above. :>

    nevereatcars said:
    Is the next update on Thursday or is EJ still putting out the "much shorter" replacement today.
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    The next update is Thursday.
     
    eaglejarl said:
    Author's Note: A bit of alternate timeline for your entertainment. It did not actually happen in MfD canon, but imagine this as contiguous with the end of chapter 246, immediately after Hazō receives the 'not actually marrying you' letter from Ami.


    Jiraiya was frantically digging through his trunk, tossing clothes over his shoulder and muttering angrily to himself.

    "Sir?" Hazō said tentatively, lingering in the doorway.

    "What?" Jiraiya snapped. "Can it wait? I need to be out the door two minutes ago for today's fun and games with the other Kage, and of course I just spilled mustard on my last clean shirt."

    Hazō ran through the contents of his myriad storage seals and determined that no, he did not have any clothes that would work for Jiraiya's build. (He immediately resolved to start carrying at least one set of appropriate clothing for each person in the Leaf delegation.) "I think Higashino has something that will fit you. I'll go check."

    "Actually, would you mind going, Lynx?" Noburi said. "Hazō needs to show Jiraiya something and I really, really need to see his face when he reads it."

    The young ANBU raised an eyebrow and snorted in amusement. "Of course. I'll be right back." He slipped his mask on and vanished in a flicker of chakra-enhanced speed.

    "Nothing pastel!" Jiraiya shouted after him. "The guy wears way too many pastels," he muttered to himself. He turned to his sons, who still stood quietly beside the door. "Okay, what did you need to show me?"

    Wordlessly, Hazō handed over the 'just kidding about the marriage' scroll. After all, what was there to say?

    Jiraiya skimmed through it quickly, then went back and read it more carefully before snapping it shut in annoyance.

    "That girl is going to make me crazy," he muttered.

    "May I offer my assessment, sir?" Hazō asked carefully.

    Jiraiya took a deep breath and released it slowly. "Go for it. This is a good chance for you to try out your political instincts."

    "Thank you, sir," Hazō said uncertainly. He had political instincts? Huh. "First, the original letter, the one with the acceptance of the marriage offer which I did not make, was delivered by a Mori courier. If we take this letter as true then the original courier was compromised. That implies that this courier was not compromised, which means that Ami has some sort of network of contacts and a way of vetting who is and is not loyal to her."

    "That one isn't magic," Jiraiya noted. "You listen to what they say, watch what they do, and check for inconsistencies."

    "Yes sir. However, to me it suggests that her network would be of at least moderate size and not just a few handpicked close friends. Close friends would be much harder to compromise."

    "You'd be surprised," Jiraiya said. Lynx reappeared in the room, shirt in hand, and Jiraiya started shrugging into it as he continued. "Still, it's a good point. Much easier to compromise people who are working for money or favors as opposed to people who are personally loyal. What else?"

    "This letter may or may not have been compromised. If it was then we can't trust its contents. If it wasn't then we can interpret this as Ami giving us the opportunity to choose between going through with the marriage or cancelling it, and she'll go along either way. On the other hand, the first letter was very aggressive in its phrasing, suggesting that that is the option she actually prefers."

    Jiraiya finished lacing his shirt and pulled his haori on over it, tying the belt quickly. His hands moved automatically, but he frowned in thought as they did. "I'm not completely sure I agree," he said at last, heading for the bedroom door, Hazō and Noburi trotting along beside him. "It's a good analysis and certainly plausible, but it makes my teeth itch. It's a risky play, and very pushy. I refuse to believe that her Clan Head blessed this plan, so most likely Ami hasn't discussed it with the elders and is doing it purely on her own. Remember our conversation about fear? It's one thing for That Woman to try to back me into a diplomatic corner, but Ami has no such protections. If I took offense I could cause her a huge amount of trouble. On the other hand, if I went along with the proposal and she sprung the news on her clan that she was marrying into the family of a traditional Mist enemy—one that is mostly comprised of so-called 'traitors to Mist'—then she would very likely be stricken from the clan rolls. Even execution wouldn't be entirely outside the bounds of possibility. If she really does want to marry you then this was the wrong way to do it, since her only path to a win is if I support her and publicly advocate for the suit. She'd have been much better off approaching me quietly."

    They were at the door to the apartment now. Jiraiya slipped on his sandals and nodded to Lynx and Panda, the two ANBU on duty today. "Anyway, interesting topic for later. We're doing some tricky legal revisions today so it'll probably be a late night. Stay safe, don't cause any trouble." He and his ANBU vanished out the door, leaving the two boys behind.

    "That went well," Hazō said after a moment.

    "I cannot wait to hear you present this to Keiko," Noburi said, grinning. "Have you got any popcorn left in your storage seals?"

    Hazō shot his brother a disgusted look. "Shut up, Nobby."

    Noburi's grin got wider. "Make me, Mr. MEW."

    Hazō shook his fist (mostly-)pretend-angrily at his tormentor, then took a breath. "Okay, let's do this."

    The distance to Keiko's door was similar to the distance from the Gōketsu estate to the Yamanaka estate: Long enough to let the doubts and fears breed and short enough to not provide time for finding answers.

    He knocked quietly. "Keiko?" he called. "Got a minute?"

    A couple of very long seconds passed before Keiko called, "Come in."

    Hazō pushed the door open and stepped carefully inside. Keiko was sitting at her desk; a closed journal in front of her and inkstains on her fingers suggested what she'd been doing.

    "A messenger just brought this for me," he said, stepping forward with the scroll extended. He took care to hold it by the very end so there would be no risk of accidental contact. "You should read it. Don't worry, it's good news."

    Keiko gave him a narrowed look, then took the scroll and glanced through it. As had Jiraiya, she then went back and read it more carefully before rolling it up again.

    "I see."

    Hazō waited nervously to see what would happen next, but silence held sway. "What do you think?" he asked at last.

    "Why does it matter?" she asked. "We have already ascertained that you will do as you feel best, and I have acknowledged that I cannot stop you." She cocked her head, then lifted a kunai off the desk and considered it carefully. "At least...not morally."

    Hazō forced himself to smile around the teeth that he could not stop from gritting. "Keiko. Your opinions and feelings matter to me. There are fewer than a dozen people in the world whose opinions I care about, and you and Noburi are two of the most important. Yes, there are times when I will evaluate the situation and choose to do something that I know you will not like. Just as there are times when I will do something that Kagome-sensei doesn't like, or Jiraiya, or anyone else. I will only make that choice after careful thought when I truly believe, based on the best available evidence, that the value of such actions is so large that it outweighs personal feelings. That was the case with Ami; Jiraiya has made clear that she is an important player in the Mist political arena, but we know nothing about her power base or her agenda. I had an opportunity to approach her and potentially gain information that would give Jiraiya an advantage in the diplomatic arena. I understood there would be consequences, specifically that it would hurt the feelings of those I value. I evaluated whether it would be better to tell you before or after your match and decided that I would wait until afterwards so that you were not distracted.

    "I am aware that my words are not enough to resolve your feelings or to completely eliminate the issues between us. I will think on how to manage that and I ask that you tell me if you think of anything at all that I can do to make things better.

    "In the meantime, I need your advice...both for the good of the clan and so that I can try to avoid hurting you again. We have here two letters from Ami. Between them, my best understanding is that there actually is a marriage offer on the table but that if we choose not to take it then Ami will not press the issue. Does this accord with your understanding?"

    "It seems not unreasonable."

    "Noburi, thoughts?"

    Noburi hesitated, studying Keiko nervously. "Honestly, dude, if I were in your shoes, I'd be terrified. This Ami sounds crazier than a bag of cats—no offense, Keiko. She's giving Jiraiya fits; can you imagine actually having her as your wife? For that matter, what would it even mean? Would she come back to Leaf with us, or would she stay here? If she stays, are you expected to stay too?"

    Hazō raised both hands, palm-up in a gesture of helplessness. "I have no idea. At this point, my best idea is to meet with her again—not a date, not even an instance of two individuals spending time together in the hope of having a long-term relationship, or whatever that phrase is. Meet with her and just ask what is going on and what she actually wants. I need to run that by Jiraiya when he comes back and I want to run it by the two of you now."

    He scratched his head and frowned. "To be honest, I don't even know if I want to marry her. Like Noburi so very undiplomatically said, she's hard to understand or predict. She's also older than me and a jōnin, so I doubt I could keep up with her."

    "It's not that she's a jōnin that would make it hard for you to keep up," Keiko supplied. "It's that she's not stupid."

    Noburi laughed; Hazō gave his sister a sour look. "Not helping, Keiko."

    "I dunno, I thought it was hilarious," Noburi said. "Don't be so serious, Mr. MEW."

    "Fine, whatever. Look, that's my best idea right at the moment. Jiraiya gets final approval, obviously, but I still want to know what the two of you think."

    Noburi opened his mouth...then closed it. "Keiko, you want to take this?"

    "Of course you should go on the date, Hazō. After all, it would provide positive utility to the clan and that must be our overriding concern."

    Hazō heard his teeth grinding and forced himself to relax his jaw. "Keiko...." He broke off and forced himself to take a breath. He swallowed back the first thing he'd intended to say, and the second, and finally the third.

    "Okay," he said at last. "You want to be passive-aggressive about this, that's your right. You are correct that it might provide a lot of utility to the clan. Unless Noburi has a good reason why I shouldn't or Jiraiya vetoes the idea, I'm going to do it. Noburi?"

    His brother grinned. "Nah, you totally should. I can't wait to see what's left of you after she finishes sticking her fingers in your brain and stirring—metaphorically, of course." He paused, thinking. "Well, hopefully."

    "Right," Hazō said, choosing to ignore the final words. "Final question: Keiko, you get veto on this one if you want it. I cannot come up with words that properly express how I feel about what Ami did to you. 'Bullshit', 'traitor', 'raging bitch'...none of them properly convey my feelings of anger and—"

    Keiko's head snapped up. "It was not! Her actions were entirely appropriate! It was entirely reasonable for her to consider me a traitor to Mist, and she was absolutely right that I have always been a failure and a disappointment to the Mori cl—"

    "NO YOU HAVE FUCKING NOT!"

    Noburi shrank back in surprise and Keiko stopped in mid-word, eyes going wide in shock at Hazō's language and volume. Hazō was so angry he couldn't get a word out, and almost distracted enough to miss Noburi waving off the two ANBU who had been half a second from bursting into the room.

    "Keiko," Hazō said at last, forcing himself to sound calm. "You have been told literally hundreds of times, by the people best qualified to judge your skills and actions, that you are not a failure and that the Mori clan were out of their fucking minds to treat you the way they did. You have had your physical skills pointed out to you. You have been complimented on your mind separate from your bloodline, so don't even try it. You have been told—quiet, I'm talking here—that being accepted as a Summoner is an impressive feat that showed quick wits and enormous courage. You single-handedly saved the clan by the financial deal you made with the pangolins"—she again started to speak and he again hurried to interrupt—"and what they did with the seals is not your Sage-bedamned fault, so shut up! You utterly demolished your opponents in the exams and in the tournament, demonstrating that you're a powerful ninja. You terrified Hyūga into being less of a prick. You inspired the people of Leaf. Your intelligence and wits are a major reason why our team survived as missing-nin for two years. If you want to be angry at me for ignoring your feelings, that is absolutely your right. If you want to snipe at me while helping figure out this deal with Ami, I will nod right along because I earned it. If you want to tell me to sod off and you aren't interested in discussing it...fine, whatever. But if you want to keep wallowing in self-pity and twisting the facts to show why you are not an incredible, brilliant, talented woman then you can just FUCK RIGHT OFF!"

    He stopped, forcing himself to get his anger-accelerated breathing under control as he waited for Keiko's response. He felt like he should probably be nervous about it but, honestly, he was just too pissed.

    "...I inspired the people of Leaf?"

    Oops.

    "Seriously? All that, and that's what you took away?" he said, replicating Jiraiya's tone as well as he could as he quickly arranged his thoughts to lead away from anything related to plushies or fan clubs. "Yes. The people of Leaf talk about all of us. Mari-sensei took me out a couple times before she fell apart, made sure that I heard some of the songs and stories. There's even some accounts of our 'adventures'—mostly made up and all exaggerated—that have been set to sea shanties. Not all of the stories are good, but literally everything about you is. In the songs, Kagome-sensei gets mocked for being crazy, I get it for being careless, Noburi gets it for...whatever, never mind. The point is, in none of the things that I heard about you did I hear a single word of criticism. You get held up as this shining paragon of intellect and lethal beauty, without the ribald comments that get made about Mari-sensei. So yes, you fucking inspired the people of Leaf. Now, would you please answer the fucking question that I was trying to ask before you went off on your latest spiral of self-hate?!"

    Keiko stared owlishly at him, blinking slowly as her brain struggled to shift paradigms. "Yes?"

    "Thank you. Now, right now I'm planning to go to this meeting with Ami and try to find out what the hells she wants. Despite my feelings about her actions, I know how much you care about her and I don't want to indirectly hurt you by way of Ami. Also, I would prefer to live in a world where the two of you reconcile. I recognize that I cannot accomplish that goal at this meeting, or even in many meetings. What I could do, and will only do with your approval, is to broach the subject of you and try to find out both why she did what she did and how she actually feels about you. I recognize that this is a risky course and I will not undertake it without your permission. In fact, unless you say it's all right I will not say a single word about you and will refuse to discuss the topic if she brings it up. So: How do you feel about the idea of me bringing you up in conversation with Ami? Separately, do you want me to broach the topic of reconciliation?"

    Keiko considered for a moment, then smiled slightly. "That's two questions. You only asked me to answer one."

    Hazō glared his lack of amusement loudly.

    "Fine." She thought a bit longer. "My feelings on the matter are complex and I do not fully understand them. Part of me hopes that she will express a desire for reconciliation. Part of me fears hearing that she has no interest. I dread the idea that she hates me or, perhaps worse, has utterly dismissed me from her thoughts. I worry that it might not be possible to reconcile. That perhaps our relationship is permanently shattered. I entertain wild notions about why she severed our bond—perhaps it was because I was a missing-nin and she fears being socially tainted by my presence despite wanting me there? Perhaps she was angry at me for betraying her and our family? Perhaps she simply got tired of putting up with my—"

    "Keiko."

    Keiko hesitated. "There are many reasons that I can think of for what happened, and all of them frighten me. With that said, I recognize that an alliance with Ami and whatever this faction of hers is would be a powerful advantage for the Gōketsu. However angry or hurt or afraid I am, I refuse to be a drag on this clan any more than I nat—"

    "Keiko!"

    "I refuse to be a drag on this clan," she said, aborting her prior words. "Discuss with her whatever you feel will be useful, provided that you maintain OPSEC and do not commit us, or me, to anything specific without consulting Jiraiya."

    Hazō considered that. "Fine. Thank you." He paused. "I'm going to go make a sandwich. You want one?"

    "No, thank you."
    Click to expand...
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    That was beautiful. Go away snek uncle I want this one to be canon
     
    Velorien said:
    My favourite description of the Lelouch-Suzaku relationship is as a battle between Lawful Evil and Chaotic Good... but which is which is entirely a matter of perspective.

    Make of that what you will.
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    So Velorien wishes to bring down Elemental Nations through acts of strategy and subterfuge which would make Ami blush, aided by miraculous power of the geass being a QM. He's essentially irl Akatsuki.
    The Worldbuilding docs are all a lie- all the text within them is heavily encrypted code, which he uses to communicate with his agents in the Hivemind.
    His ultimate plan is to become the symbol of all evil of the world. And when he's taken down by the efforts of team Uplift, everyone will let go of their hatred and focus on helping civilians.
    Code Armageddon- engage?
    And eaglejarl wants to reform Elemental Nations from the inside, through the only language ninja truly know- violence. (I mean, think about it- how did Hazou meet the sweetest cinammon bun in existence? Punching people at random! Which people in this world are most consistently good? Taijutsu specialists!)

    There's also Oliwhail.
    He's the cat.
    (=^-ω-^=)
     
    Noburi: Hello?
    Hazou: Hey what's up?
    Noburi: Hey, I need your help, can you come here?
    Hazou: I can't I am buying clothes.
    Noburi: Alright, then hurry up and come over here.
    Hazou: I can't find them.
    Noburi: What do you mean you can't find them?
    Hazou: I can't find them there's only youthsuits.
    Noburi: What do you mean there's only youthsuits?
    Hazou: It means there's only youthsuits.
    Noburi: WELL GET OUT OF THE YOUTH ISLE!
    Hazou: ALRIGHT YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT AT ME!
    Hazou: There's more youthsuits!
    Noburi: What do you mean there's more youthsuits?!
    Hazou: There's just more youthsuits!
    Noburi: GO INTO THE NEXT ISLE!
    Hazou: There's more youthsuits!
    Noburi: WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW?!
    Hazou: I AM AT YOUTH.
    Noburi: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE AT YOUTH!?
    Hazou: I mean I am AT YOUTH!
    Noburi: WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN?
    Hazou: I AM AT THE YOUTH STORE!
    Noburi: WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE YOUTHSTORE!?!?!
    Hazou: FUCK YOU! I miss Akane and want something to remember her by.
     
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