Remove ads

Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

Voting is open for the next 11 hours, 44 minutes
Reader mode
Oh, here's another off the wall idea - Keiko's Intimidation came into play during the speech, traumatizing everyone and inflicting horrendous mental consequences as they were reminded of the beatdown they received. Everyone is utterly terrified, and immediately drops out of the exams.
 
Enjou said:
Oh, here's another off the wall idea - Keiko's Intimidation came into play during the speech, traumatizing everyone and inflicting horrendous mental consequences as they were reminded of the beatdown they received. Everyone is utterly terrified, and immediately drops out of the exams.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

...and someone keels over dead from the stress.

Remember, someone has died.
 
MadScientist said:
...and someone keels over dead from the stress.

Remember, someone has died.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Actualllllly.

He just said "Yeah... about that..." to "As long as nobody dies I am okay with that."

This doesn't technically give any information about whether someone died or not.

(Also @Enjou 's post of "Nice trolling!" was liked. )
 
So we had lots of plans to make money that where tharwted by the merchant council in Leaf. But we know that mist doesn't have one. Assuming we manage to normalize relationships is there any reason we can't try these schemes in Mist?
 
I'll just leave these here...

Jello_Raptor said:
I will note that @eaglejarl does not lie in this thread. My model of him would believe that lying as a GM is somewhere between being a poor sport and actively detrimental to the notion of a rational quest.

That said, the asshole is more than willing to say very misleading things that are technically true.

You have to treat every post of his in this thread (outside of story posts) as a dickish literal genie. Only the direct statements he's making count.

None of the things he implies or indirectly hints at are sure to be true, in fact, given that he's a huge troll, there's a negative penalty to the probability of any statement that's strongly implied but not directly spelled out.

Problem is, he knows that we know this, so he's going to mix in some truths to fuck with us. I still think there should be slight negative penalty simply because I expect there to be a reasonable proportion of times where he just can't help himself and will troll. Even if the game-theoretically sound strategy is to flip a coin to decide whether he's going to troll or not on any given thing he wants to imply.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Jello_Raptor said:
No. Eaglejarl is a literal genie. All we know is that one of the meanings in the space of possible meanings of his words are true.

@eaglejarl: I'd like to point out that you brought this on yourself.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
 
MMKII said:
I am going to go out on a limb here and say youre getting your pre-update trolling jollies in. If something really bad was going to happen, I dont quite think you would expose knowledge of it happening before the actual update.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
See, here's the thing: In order for trolling to work, you need to occasionally troll about actually bad things. Otherwise people know that you're just kidding and they don't get worked up.
 
Oneiros said:
So we had lots of plans to make money that where tharwted by the merchant council in Leaf. But we know that mist doesn't have one. Assuming we manage to normalize relationships is there any reason we can't try these schemes in Mist?
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
I see three main possible outcomes:
  1. The new close bonds between Mist and Leaf enable Leaf-nin to start up business ventures in Mist at a scope previously impossible. We are at the vanguard of this and profit incredibly.
  2. Mist is already a saturated economy where ninjas from afar set up business ventures to profit off of the unregulated markets, and while the scope increases slightly due to increased bonds we find that our gains here are as marginal as they would be in Leaf.
  3. Leaf's merchant council, concerned that significant chunks of Leaf's economy will start flowing into Mist and stop filling their pockets, wield their influence to demand that foreign business ventures be heavily regulated and taxed so they still get their cut of the pie. Profits become marginal.
Of course, there's wiggle room in each option and various sub-options, but I could see any one of these three happening.
 
eaglejarl said:
See, here's the thing: In order for trolling to work, you need to occasionally troll about actually bad things. Otherwise people know that you're just kidding and they don't get worked up.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Thats an arguably true statement that I would certainly say to convince people this was one of those situations by implication, I agree.

Although, I suppose we shall find out regardless.
 
Inferno Vulpix said:
I see three main possible outcomes:
  1. The new close bonds between Mist and Leaf enable Leaf-nin to start up business ventures in Mist at a scope previously impossible. We are at the vanguard of this and profit incredibly.
  2. Mist is already a saturated economy where ninjas from afar set up business ventures to profit off of the unregulated markets, and while the scope increases slightly due to increased bonds we find that our gains here are as marginal as they would be in Leaf.
  3. Leaf's merchant council, concerned that significant chunks of Leaf's economy will start flowing into Mist and stop filling their pockets, wield their influence to demand that foreign business ventures be heavily regulated and taxed so they still get their cut of the pie. Profits become marginal.
Of course, there's wiggle room in each option and various sub-options, but I could see any one of these three happening.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
We could use 3 to push through MC reforms, though.
 
I thought the next update covers the after-party? So we're about to see Round 2 then? Or bad things happened at the after-party?
 
@Citrus
@eaglejarl expressed a desire to cover through Round 2 in this update. It may or may not happen, and it is hard to say if eaglejarl is preemptively consoling or flat out trolling.

I wouldn't update either way- just use the opportunity to deliver our bitter tears unto our esteemed authors, or make quips that only we find funny and may be in terrible taste in mere hours.

Either way.
- Edit: in case not clear my stance:
The only thing that died this round were the hopes and dreams of our enemies!
 
Last edited:
@Adept_Woodwright

Im betting that Relative +2.5-3.5 Aspect Bonus Hazou with the Defend the Log buff active did an unintentional roflstomp.
 
MMKII said:
@Adept_Woodwright

Im betting that Relative +2.5-3.5 Aspect Bonus Hazou with the Defend the Log buff active did an unintentional roflstomp.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
That, um,... that is the difference between a jounin and a chuunin. At level 40 in a skill as he is, adding 3.5 Aspect Bonus (to say nothing of our other various aspects we've got from our various shenanigans), that bumps him up to 57.5 at base level.
 
Keiko was sitting on 19 Fate Points, and we had all of the taggable Aspects. Pandojuru was slated to be out with the ranged folks, so I suspect that Keiko and Pandamonium took out the ranged folks that we needed taken out, and the others fell without significant punching to more ranged attacks and the trap setup.

Or the Goo pratfall failed, and the attendant seal failure acted on our intention of tiling the landscape and proceeded to tile the universe in 4x4x4 m cubes of goo.

I'd say rocks fall and everyone dies, but no rock's athletics could possibly beat Jiraiya's sealing score
 
Remove ads
Chapter 203: Storm Strike
  • Threadmarks

    • Fifth Event Grounds, Nov. 15 (Round 1, Day 1), ~11pm

    "I do apologize, Summoner, but I must report myself temporarily unfit for duty," said Panashe.

    Keiko and Hazō both turned in surprise at Panashe's unexpected and rather alarming admission.

    "What is the issue?" Keiko asked.

    "I fear I'm running extremely low on chakra," the pangolin said. "I shall be unable to finish the tunnels for this facility as things stand. I'll need a recharge."

    "Ah. One moment," Keiko said. She made a handseal and Panashe disappeared, vanishing back to the Seventh Path in a puff of orange smoke. "Pangolin Summoning Technique: Panashe!"

    The spec ops pangolin reformed in front of them, chakra reserves newly refilled from her summoning, and breathed a sigh of relief. "Ahhh, much better. Thank you, Summoner. I shall resume my assignment. It should be done in about forty minutes."

    The pangolin dove back into the ground and resumed creating a set of tunnels and traps under Facility #1. If Team Uplift was assigned to Facility #1 in the second round, those tunnels and traps should suffice to stop any attackers who came from below, as well as providing good ways to come up behind above-ground enemies. Of course, if Team Uplift wasn't assigned to Facility #1 then the effort would all be wasted.

    Fortunately, there were eighteen hours left in the round and dozens of unconscious chakra batteries (aka 'defeated Red Team members') lying around, which meant there was no reason not to do the prep on all four facilities.

    "We should probably hold off on the lumbering until she's done," Hazō said. "Looks like the proctor is still chasing around after Noburi, but he's sure to come running as soon as we set off the charges."

    "Very well," Keiko said. "Pankurashun, we will need a series of shallow trenches here, here, and there in which to set goo traps next round. Could you and the others please roll across those areas for us? The way that you tear up the ground should be perfect."

    "Of course, Summoner." The grizzled Lochagos turned to his subordinates. "Tessera! Form up and roll out!"

    o-o-o-o​

    The rest day was shatteringly boring and nervewrackingly tense all at the same time. Conversations in the barracks were either had in whispers or in shouts, since Team Uplift had made it a point to blow out the eardrums of their captives. They had also made neat, albeit deep, cuts in the prisoner's heels, making it painful to walk. Both things were calculated to provide advantage during the next round, when Uplift would be defending a static location; the deafness would make it harder for the enemy to coordinate amongst themselves, as well as making it easier to ambush them. The heel-cuts would make it harder for them to move and fight.

    Both things were perfectly within the letter (albeit not the spirit) of the Exam rules. On the other hand, it didn't do much to endear Team Uplift to the rest of the contestants. It was also far more ruthless than Hazō, Noburi, or Keiko were completely comfortable with, but they needed every advantage they could get. Ninja combat heavily favored the attacker and the political consequences of anything aside from absolutely crushing the next round were too high to take any chances.

    Some quick patch-work by the medic-nin had been enough to ensure that no one's injuries became infected. (Noburi had been offended by that, having already taken care of the isssue himself.) They had also managed to give most people back enough aural functionality to hear loud shouts or explosions. Beyond that, there wasn't much anyone could do for the injuries aside from wait for them to heal.

    The other thing that the medics had done was get a group of Wakahisa in to provide chakra infusions. Being drained to chakra exhaustion tended to knock people out for twenty-four hours, so Noburi had made a point of re-draining most of the enemy a few minutes before the end of the round. The hope had been that most of the contestants would either not be awake for the next round or would wake up just a few hours before it started, giving them no time to prepare. The Mist medics had put paid to that and, from the looks of it, had even gone so far as to refill all of the Wakahisa contestants. It wasn't entirely unexpected, but it was aggravating.

    Of course, most of the Exam contestants had been eliminated before the fifth event, and therefore had not been drained or deafened. Those people, plus those who had been on Red Team One or Shikamaru's team during the event, were chattering like magpies. It was all in whispers and angry glances, but Hazō and his siblings were careful not to ever be alone during the day. They had tried a few times to catch up with Ino-Shika-Chō but been rebuffed; upon seeing this, they had retreated to their room, where Hazō had spent the day making mountains of explosives while Noburi and Keiko alternated sleeping, snacking, and checking their gear. It was a companionable silence.

    Finally, the evening meal came. By virtue of being at the mess hall an hour before the meal was called, Team Uplift had managed to snag a corner table. They wolfed their food and then waited, watching the room and counting heads to check that the last stragglers had arrived.

    "Now?" Hazō asked quietly.

    "Now," Noburi said, putting down the fork he'd been absently fiddling with.

    "Indeed," Keiko replied, pushing her chair back.

    Moving with the same synchronized grace that had killed more steelbacks, bloodrats, and dropbears than any of them could count, the younger generation of the Gōketsu clan stepped up on their chairs and from there onto the table.

    "Oy!" shouted some random ninja in a Rock headband as Hazō kicked a plate of something green and sticky out of the way.

    "Listen up!"

    Silence fell across the room and more than one hand reached for a weapon. Hundreds of sullen and angry faces turned to the table in the corner.

    "It has come to our attention that some of you might be considering teaming up against us in the next round," Hazō said coldly, taking care to project his voice so that the deafened ninja would hopefully be able to hear.

    "Now, as much fun as that might be," Noburi said, "we want to suggest you think twice about it."

    "We have enough points to reach the tournament," Keiko said. "After the escort mission we led the Exams. Many of you went to a great deal of trouble to sink our score during the fourth event. We responded by destroying you in the first round of the fifth, thereby restoring the balance."

    They paused, heads turning in perfect sync as they surveyed the room. It had taken an hour of practice to get the motion precisely right, but the thoroughly creeped-out faces of the other ninja suggested that it had been worth it.

    "You," Keiko said, pointing to a group of Rock ninja two tables away. "You tried to ambush us from underground. We dropped you in a pit and you woke up in a cell."

    "You," Hazō said, pointing across the room at Touma, one of the Blue-Team ninja from the previous round. "Your lightning aura has made you lazy. Your taijutsu is pathetic. Your fundamentals are weak, your footwork is sloppy, and you telegraph your kicks. Which is why I put you on the floor in under ten seconds."

    "You," Noburi said, gesturing with his chin towards a chosen victim. "You're slow. You didn't even start to dodge before I slammed you into my Mantle and beat you like a rented drum."

    "You," Keiko said, pointing at her own target. "You failed to notice me at all, and I took you down with a single throw. The only challenging part was deciding if your thick head meant that I needed to throw harder."

    "And after we destroyed you, I made sure that you could barely hear," Hazō said.

    "I made sure that you could barely walk."

    "And my pangolins made you eat dirt."

    Again the pause, again the calm surveillance of their audience.

    "Some among you may not know our history," Keiko began. "This is an error on your part."

    "We were born in Mist," Hazō said.

    "We left and repatriated ourselves to Leaf," Noburi continued.

    "We lived two years in the wilderness before Leaf was able to publicly accept us," said Keiko. "More than five hundred nights in the wild. We have killed more chakra beasts than any of you have ever heard of. In total, we have faced off against three to four dozen enemy nin, including several jōnin."

    "Most of those nin are now bones in the dirt." Hazō's voice was cold as Snow Country.

    Noburi's laugh held nothing of humor. "Most of the chakra beasts and several of the ninja died on our camp's defenses while we sipped tea and took bets on when the next blast would come."

    "Our Hokage was very clear about the fact that we are not allowed to kill you," Keiko said. "I found this irritating." She crossed her arms over her chest and looked put upon. "It is tremendously much easier to defend a position when allowed to use traps that cut an attacker's head in half, or blow them across the field in a shower of bloody meat."

    "Still," Hazō said. "We've put some thought in. Even if we can't use our favorites, we've got plenty of fun toys for you to come tiptoeing through in the next round."

    "Don't worry," Noburi said. "There's good news. The Hokage told us that injuring you further would complicate his political goals slightly. He said that we should try not to injure anyone too much more."

    "This is inconvenient. I had wanted to send my pangolins into the forest to crush all the red teams and bring them back to our cells. It would have given us a ridiculous margin of victory." Keiko's lip crinkled as though she'd smelled something rotten. "However, given his request, I will keep them at our base."

    "So that's what you're facing," Noburi said. "A base built by a trio of former missing-nin who made the wilderness their bitch for two straight years."

    "Reinforced by a sealmaster," Hazō added.

    "And surrounded by monsters from beyond time and space, who tossed you around like children's toys last time."

    "Face it," Hazō said. "None of you are good enough to beat us. If you're too cowardly to face that truth, feel free to come at us again. We've got plenty of tea, and the sound of idiots running into the perimeter is very relaxing."

    The room was utterly silent as Clan Gōketsu sauntered the length of the table, jumped down, and left the room.

    o-o-o-o​

    The start of the second round was a frantic scramble of preparation. Unsurprisingly, Team Uplift was Blue Team One, Squad One, and was called before anyone else. Their proctor led them away from the other contestants quickly enough, but after that he dawdled on the way to their assigned facility. Hazō and the others had chafed, eager to get to their preparations. They had chafed even harder when the proctor issued a 'no talking' policy, ensuring that Team Uplift could not get to know their assigned teammates.

    "Awright, we're here," the proctor grunted, gesturing at the newly-rebuilt form of Facility #3. "You've got two hours." The man slouched over and dropped to the ground, leaning back against one of the many tree stumps that had been left over after Team Uplift's logging efforts during the first round.

    "What the heck happened here?" murmured Tachibana, a pink-haired kunoichi that Hazō had seen around the barracks but never spoken to.

    "Hazō, you're up," Noburi said, stepping aside with Keiko and slinging his barrel off his back so that he could dip out a canteen of water. The girl had already cut her thumb and was summoning Pankurashun even before Noburi had the water ready. Hazō watched her slam it back and move on to summon Pangaya, then turned to his newly-assigned teammates.

    "Look," he said, "I know you're pissed at us for injuring you in the last round. That's fine, I get it. Here's the thing: Team Asuma has been pushing to form a coalition of all the Red Teams to come attack us, and—"

    "What?" shouted one of the Rock Ninja that Panashe had peeled off the floor of her pit last round. Apparently the medic-nin had been able to do less for his hearing than they had for most everyone else.

    "I said that I know you're pissed at us!" Hazō shouted. "I get it! But we think there's a teamup of all the Red Teams this round! They'll attack all at once and beat us into the ground! Will you work with us to set up defenses?"

    "Why would all the red teams join up?" demanded the Rock nin.

    "Because Team Asuma has been goading them into it," Hazō said loudly. "My team isn't as much of a lock for the tournament as we let on. Team Asuma is going to motivate all the other Red Teams to attack us so that we can get lots of prisoners."

    Nakajima, a Wind Country ninja, was surveying the area around them with an expression that fell somewhere between 'impressed' and 'dismayed'.

    "Did you guys do this?" he asked.

    Hazō looked around. Between Team Uplift's explosives and the pangolins' strength and jutsu, they had managed to rough-clear a hundred-meter killzone around the bunker. There were chunks of wood and small bushes everywhere, rendering the footing treacherous. There were trenches scattered around, as well as a multitude of craters where some inconveniently-placed stump or bush had been blown to shreds. The Multiple Earth Wall jutsu had raised red granite barriers at various strategic points around the facility. Pangaya and Panjandrum were dragging the tops of several trees into position as abattises. (The rotund pangolin was complaining constantly as he did so and shirking his share of the work until Pankurashun snapped at him.)

    "Pretty much," Hazō said. "They've patched up some of it, but yeah. This is mostly us."

    Tachibana's eyebrows went up at the suggestion that the area had been repaired in any degree, but she said nothing.

    "Look," Hazō said. "There's probably going to be a mob coming for our blood in a couple hours. They're probably not going to be too picky about collateral damage. How about you guys help us set up defenses?"

    "We could just leave," noted Shimizu, a taijutsu type from Mist. "I'm not in the running for the tournament, and I bet most of the rest of us aren't either. If we leave, you get the thousand-point penalty for not properly simulating a T&I facility."

    All expression fell off of Hazō's face. "No. If you leave, we send the pangolins to catch you, beat you unconscious, and drag you back here by your ankles. At which point you get to have a long conversation with my brother, the medic-nin, about all the things that can be done to the human body without counting as severe injury."

    He studied them for a moment, giving them a moment for the threat to sink in. "You're free to go into the bunker and sit this one out," he said at last. "Or you can pitch in and set up defenses. Anything else would be a bad idea."

    "I'm in!" Tachibana said quickly. Five more expressions of agreement followed in hasty order as the other ninja hurried to express their lack of interest in being experimented on.

    Hazō smiled and pulled out the defense plan, turning it so the rest of them could see it. "Okay, here's what we're thinking...."

    o-o-o-o​

    Finally, the time was up. The last traps were built, the last sniper nests constructed, and there was nothing left to do but wait for the expected horde of Red Team members to descend upon them.

    And wait.

    And wait.

    "This could be a problem," Noburi said, offering Keiko another drink to replenish her dwindling chakra supplies. "If they just sit around long enough we won't have enough chakra to sustain the pangolins."

    "Indeed."

    Hazō looked for something useful to contribute to that line of thinking and found nothing. There had been discussion of sending some of the pangolins out to scout, but the final consensus was that it was better to keep them close and wait for the attack.

    So they waited.

    And waited.

    And waited.

    And wa—

    "Ahoy the fort!" Akimichi called, sauntering out of the woods with a trio of ninja slung over his shoulders. He was using his family's size-shifting jutsu, meaning he was currently three meters tall and muscled like a troll, so the weight didn't seem to bother him. It may have enhanced his voice as well, since he was loud enough that his words were comprehensible across the hundred meters of cratered ground between the edge of the woods and the fort that Blue Team One was expected to defend. "We've got prisoners for you!"

    Blue Team One exchanged nervous glances. Eventually, Hazō stood up and waved 'Come ahead' to the other team before ducking down again.

    It took almost ten minutes for Ino-Shika-Chō to wend their way down the marked 'safe' path through the traps. Inside the bunker, the tension wound higher and higher as the team waited.

    "Maybe they're here to demand our surrender?"

    "No, they aren't interested in surrender, they want blood. Maybe these guys are defecting?"

    "No, Nara was very clear that he wouldn't explicitly betray anyone."

    "They're obviously just scouting the defenses. We should take them out now!"

    "Wait for it. Let's hear what they have to say."

    Eventually, Team Asuma arrived in front of the building and looked up to where their counterparts were peering down from the roof, weapons in hand.

    "This was your Red Team," Yamanaka said, gesturing to the bodies draped over Akimichi's massive shoulders. "We're here to pick up seals and pangolins so that we can go take out everyone else."

    Hazō and Noburi exchanged looks. "What happened to organizing the massive assault?" Noburi asked.

    "Much too troublesome," Nara sighed. "We only discussed it in front of your teammates to ensure that it wouldn't happen. And to ensure that everyone would be too paranoid to work together, even on their own teams. Now, the pangolins, please? We need to go capture the rest of your prisoners."
     
    Last edited:
  • Threadmarks
    • The fifth event is over! You win! With the help of your Goo Bombs and pangolins, ISC beat everyone and dumped all the red teams in your cells.

    It is now about 6pm and the round has just ended. You are standing at the gate with Jiraiya (who is looking insufferably smug), the other Kage, and the various proctors. ISC turned in hours ago and are presumably back at the barracks. You are not confined to barracks and are free to move around the city normally.

    For obvious reasons, the top 16 have not been formally announced yet, but all members of Uplift and ISC are confident that you’ve made it into the tournament.

    @OliWhail has expressed interest in writing the afterparty from Round One, so that should come out sometime in the next few days as work and health and etc allow.

    There will now be a month-long training break. Jiraiya's original plan was to give you a day for all of you to decompress and for Hazō to talk with Hana, then send you home so that you could train with some senior Leaf ninja. He is willing to let you stay on for up to a week if you want to and have a good reason.

    Vote time!

    Default option: You go back to the barracks and go to sleep. You have the following 24 hours to relax, visit Hana, etc, and then you leave for Leaf. Hana will be serving as Mist's ambassador-in-residence to Leaf; she may go with you or she may follow after; you aren't sure of the exact plan. Once back in Leaf you will train in the core skills: Alertness, Chakra Reserves, Taijutsu, Water Whip, Ranged Weapons, in whatever order the QMs think is most advantageous. We timeskip all of that and resume at the start of the tournament.

    There will be three votes going:

    Vote: Stay in Mist or go directly back to Leaf? (Format: "[] (mist) (Stay | Go)")

    Vote: Training plan. (Format: "[] (train) Plan title")

    Vote: Other activities. (Format "[] Plan title")

    Voting closes 12pm London Time on Wednesday, August 22, 2018.

    XP AWARD: 8
    Bonus XP: 3 for making the badass speech
    Bonus XP: 1 for wordcounts

    TOTAL XP: 12

    FP AWARD: 1


    EDIT:     Despite Hazō's slander, Touma is actually quite good at taijutsu. Hazō just needed something to bait him.
     
    Last edited:
    Reader mode
    You must login or register to reply here.
    Voting is open for the next 11 hours, 44 minutes
    Remove ads
    Back
    Top