Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
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- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard
- Pronouns
- He/Him
[
] Marked for Necromancy: An Ethical Naruto Quest
] Marked for Necromancy: An Ethical Naruto Quest
I wasn't kidding about raising Tsunade support, especially in light of the bioseal clan presence.
Y'know what we need? A festival. What festival? Who cares? The Gouketsu are known to be insane, but benevolent. If they decide throw a party and invite every civilian and clanless who wants to come, how is that a surprise? Heck, if it's in conjunction the KEI and Church of Youth, that's not even noteworthy. If the Minami want to fund treats and entertainment for... reasons, well perhaps the newest clans are learning to be a little different.
Now, where should we do it? This is supposed to be inclusive, dignified, a representation of how the Will of Fire has guided Leaf's founders from the beginning even as they have built fortunes and entire industries and districts of exclusive luxury goods.
Hey, isn't there an abandoned compound right next to the Hyuuga? Given their such public support for the Church of Youth they can't be seen backing out without losing face. That sounds like a good festival ground for the Church of Youth to buy with the Hyuuga's own money and anybody who wants to invite them back into the fold from their stuck-up superiority complex to helpfully pitch in for. Heck, Neji would be honor bound by Lee to promote it. Jiraiya must have some loudspeaker or recorder seals which could be used to promote it across half the city and attract smelly, scruffy homeless to loudly party right next door to them and their fancy luxury businesses at all times day and night at their own expense as announced by their summoner on the orders of their Hokage ancestor as Lee energetically cheers him on.
But how will people find such a thing? Well, this is supported by the Gouketsu of course! What's a festival without fireworks? A kiloton of boom directly overhead reminding the Hyuuga to come to church and repent their sins every fifteen minutes would serve as both a village-wide time synchronizer and a navigational aid. After all, it's just the highly exclusive commercial luxury district. We're not disturbing anyone. It's a public service I tell ya'. Heck, Kagome already has training explosives and pressure activation. It may not be ready for combat service yet, but it would certainly let civilian kids feel like real ninja while making a hell of a racket.
"Hazou, you should probably start the committee meeting by filling in how you got us into this mess."
"Poor communication by a grossly unprepared clan head lacking appropriate staff support in the midst of a series of unprecedented catastrophes preventing personal supervision. The original idea was to familiarize the community with a more abstract notion of currency to build upon for the benefit of Leaf, but at what ultimately must fall at my feet the details were lost in communication and the temptation to treat the opportunity for what seemed to be free money grew as the public's desperate need for aid mounted."
"Nevertheless, both the Nara, and their adopted mind clan member- to whom I have long since given up any chance of being in debt for less than my life is worth- have systematically and conclusively certified that my subordinates exercised admirable discretion. Given the outstanding leverage, locations, recent market price history of deniably fungible assets, and available market depth and recent history of foreign exchange rates, the chances of this being a purely stochastic event are less than one in a thousand even before accounting for the extraordinary timing which itself dramatically restricts the list of suspects. See appendix H.1 for details."
"For obvious reasons, external and less-than-legitimate actors are more freely discussed while investigations continue. As with the internal investigations the Hokage and other clans have been kind enough to lend personnel to certify collected testimony, evidence, and chains of custody beyond any possible gainsaying. Critical witnesses are being held in diplomatic quarters, T&I cells, or the hospital ward depending upon the ease of acquiring their testimony. Solitude is poor for the soul, but they have been assured that they will be joined by company very soon. Details are in appendix H.1.N"
"So far, the Leaf yakuza have been ruled out as anything but unwitting accomplices or facilitators operating within their informal remit, such as it is. Final conclusions should be reached within the week."
"Mist Yakuza are extraordinarily unlikely for a variety of reasons I am not authorized to discuss but some of which may become clearer during the rest of the briefing."
"Rock and its affiliate's yakuza were notoriously divided and unrowdy even before the succession crisis. Systemic coordination without a hint of detection would be just plain infeasible."
"Details are in appendix H.1.N.A. Apologies for the non-standard formatting. The documentation is constantly being refined and reindexed as evidence comes in."
"Rock is an obvious suspect, but they and their sphere of influence lack enough trade with us to have enough Leaf reserves not to noticeably affect major trade hubs Leaf has been monitoring for just such warning signs since Jiraiya was in the academy. It would take a phenomenally arrogant and incompetent Hokage to miss the warning signs that they were mustering such a supplementary attack, much less the implication that the more direct Rockfall was incomming as part of their annexation thinly disguised as economic blackmail."
"We considered that Grass's position might make it feel forced to softly lean towards one major power over another in the hopes that the minor nation alliance would deter response. Nevertheless, such an operation would be huge for them and take years to accumulate the reserves necessary without raising alarms. Recent attempts at interstate currency exchange show no sign they are even aware of a potential problem. A particularly large one designed to fall through due to sudden demand from other nations also being audited set up a class A mission which verified that they are actually still in real physical possession of at least a very large amount of their historical Leaf ryo reserves and are treating them as ordinary market assets instead of tokens about to be spent in a major war."
"Another minor nation with enough trade with us to have the hard currency without resorting to the open market available to attempt something even resembling this is River. This obviously makes no sense from their perspective. They make a fortune by holding the ground between Leaf and our closest major ally. The negation of their primary defensive strength was put on full display during the Battle of the Gods and is even now being retroengineered by everybody. They gain nothing from this action."
"The other minor nations are Rice and Hotsprings. Rice will burn its own fields before it lets itself become a pawn. Hotsprings is already Mist's pawn, and they gain nothing by taking the front-end risk of weakening us when their very existence is teetering on Cloud believing in the nascent triple-alliance more than it wants a guaranteed trade corridor."
"See details in appendix H.1.N.A.T."
"Cloud? They could snag and sue for peace over everything they want right now. It seems a combination of their command reorganization and genuine gratitude from their Kage actually counts for something for at least a little while."
"Sand? Sand is fucked. Pretty much the only thing they have left is that they're the only bastards crazy enough to live there. They have no reason to antagonize the longest and strongest major power alliance to ever exist."
"Mist. With their distance and the recent games they might actually have enough in their vaults to take a shot at it. However, it's not in their geopolitical interests when just months ago they were considering breeding programs to maintain relevance. The Mizukage is a compromise candidate who has to play the local scene between the sharks and turtles. I hate her guts, but they don't know that, so publicly undermining me and the Leaf clan she bet upon during negotiations during the exam doesn't serve her."
"Have the sharks decided to go feral? Whom? The second largest and third richest clan in Mist has a diplomat in Leaf who has secured a stable agreement which will likely leave them quite happily the second-richest clan. My personal information on Mist inter-clan dynamics is next to nothing, but as I understand it their status as a support clan leaves them with a constant undue influence despite the resentment it breeds- am I correct?"
"The antipathy towards the Wakahisa is a combination of petty jealously and long-since inerted attempts to undermine their disproportionate influence, yes."
"Thank you. The Mori are extraordinarily disinclined towards taking the lead in such a gambit. Furthermore, they have two members on the ground in Leaf. Doubtlessly not the ones they would like, but still more than they would have and more than anybody else. Keiko is obviously beyond suspicion, and while and I won't comment on her sister's affinities towards Leaf I would respond to any indication that she had taken any action which even might possibly harm Keiko by dispelling and hurling buckets of explosives at whatever sealing failure somehow managed to claw its way into our reality while screaming bloody murder for the SSO and danger close ranged fire."
Hazou paused to note that it probably meant something that absolutely nobody appeared to incorrectly believe that he was kidding.
"I can't discuss ANBU operations, but suffice to say that both the Hokage and Mizukage have found no evidence that this is a rogue Mist faction so far as I am aware." The best lies technically weren't.
"Internal Leaf investigations are underway and progressing better than expected. Naturally, the first suspects are any factions with large amounts of Leaf ryo to gradually exchange for Gouketsu script so that they can suddenly trade it back at a loss to just the right people they have just the right influence over to start a cascade of loss of confidence. However, the very sophistication of this attack makes the first-level perpetrators unlikely to be the progenitors. More likely, some faction known for hoarding large sums of hard Leaf Ryo with a widely known grudge would be set up as a cut-out, a cat's paw, a sucker. It would probably be one who recently escaped from under the actor's thumb of perpetual servitude." Hazou made the briefest of pauses on Hagoromo as he eyes the entire room.
"Fortunately, one of the best places to do such quiet exchanges is at a yakuza enterprise. Boy, are the yakuza good at keeping records. One zero out of place six years ago and a check-in results in the local boss and a dozen underlings just... poof, like they never existed. Their archives have been a lot of help, plus, for anyone respectable to become seriously connected to them will result in a loss of respectability very quickly- at least if they care. Perhaps even fast enough for an unproven clan head to be 'asked' to quietly resign and be replaced by a successor."
"The yakuza really are an interesting organization. When thousands of civilians were going to freeze and starve the Gouketsu moved heaven and earth to save as many as we could knowing that for every one we took in two would have to be turned away to die... only, that didn't happen. The yakuza were first to the scenes, even before us. Anybody we couldn't help they took and treated as family. If we said we needed six maniacs to run into a burning building on the verge of collapse to find the kids crying inside six maniacs appeared like magic and even when only two came out alive clutching the sister and brother, when we needed six more, they were first in line. They're not democratic, but when they say that they manage civilians to collect taxes for service because ninja only collect taxes, they fucking mean it. I wonder how they feel about a clan which spends its money giving every old widow who asks a hot meal, a warm bed, and treatment for that old knee-ache from a senior medic-nin instead of fancy plates? Where would their loyalties lie? What if somebody believed the Will of Fire enough to cry when they found out that those monstrously tattooed heroes died in a burning building to save children and the survivors went right back in without a thought? What would they think of the clan who pulled every string to get those heros a hero's burial? What would they do for demigods who cited them as inspirational legends? Would they drop everything and run into a burning building if it meant not going back to the old ways of the clans squabbling about who gets how much tax while civilians are left to fend for themselves? What risks would they be willing to take to make sure that truth came out for a clan which actually showed through action that they were what they claimed to be?"
"Anyway, local investigations can't be discussed further. Suffice to say that the Hokage's time is precious, so consequences will depend upon the certainty of the findings and be somewhere between clan eradication, forcible releadership, four boss summon immortal demigods accompanied by a neutral fifth observer surrounding a compound to request the clan head's company at a meeting at her earliest convenience, or a series of deeply unfortunate coincidences which will cease when the Will of Fire has judged the Gouketsu grievance satisfied. This naturally assumes that we do not continue to break geopolitics, gift Leaf multiple storage scrolls, fundamentally redefine warfare, or get a visit from a friend who likes us giving names on an average of every few months despite our three new sealmasters, more in the pipeline, fused-school gejutsu class, elite Ebisu-trained clanless class, and dozens of more projects I'd have to be executed for mentioning in this format."
"Back to the matter at hand. I do have proposal to resolve this. Originally, the script was to be fully backed. Despite recent events, its confidence has been maintained. This is its greatest value. The point was to unlock Leaf's capital, the majority is wasted. People put their savings in their mattresses. The thought was, what if they could put it in a clan-secured vault? Many would pay for the privilege, but what if instead that plus whatever the market demanded were offered in exchange for not withdrawing more than a certain amount at a time without a charge? That would leave an awful lot of ryo ready to line up. That village twenty miles up the way which would have perfect vinyard space if only they could clear the waterbugs before planting season? A quick loan for a till-'n-fill and Leaf is 100,000 ryo richer."
"This It's actually better. Run it by the tower targeted for zero profit and make bank from the tax returns of the enhanced productivity. The Gouketsu advertise taking out debt from the Bank of Leaf to give it a running start with our good name, but we treat it as capital investment and some mild profits in the first years can even it all out. We leverage our greatest asset: the Will of Fire. The minor nations will be too small to do it themselves. The great nations will miss the point and be greedy bastards. Everybody who matters will quickly notice that we're the only ones doing it right to break even for the secondary effects. No harm done and everybody wins."
"Now, as traditional, I'd like to request that you all full out a post-interaction survey."
Hinata unrolled her scroll and only years of training prevented a reaction. It was three layers of the very finest paper. Each was obviously expertly and repeatedly died so black it sucked it the light except the the slightest sheen which perfectly strode the edge between portentous and poisonous. The truly disturbing part was that any attempt to see deeper resulted in a nauseous disorientation which was very much not a publicly known anti-byuukagan seal.
Carpal tunnel. No, seriously. The reason that super-saiyans are blond is nothing more than that Toriyama was tired of filling in the complicated hairstyles and outlined hair is shorthand for blond in monochrome. This is the same guy who retconned two children being pointlessly mutilated at birth simply because he forgot that the species of his main character are supposed to have tails.
Accomodations are made for the medium.
Alternatively ninja like to announce their affiliations to facilitate retribution as much as they enjoy DayGlo orange camouflage.
*ANOMALY DETECTED*
MEMES GET COUNTED.
Wrap six misterators full of oil boiling oil over finely gound red-hot charcoal around six full TFs around an explosive tag with a very long delay and possibly a parachute. Throw as far as possible and run. That's a thermobaric explosive with about 10 kilotons of energy at a temperature capable of igniting grass, paper, and cloth by sheer radiance at its blackbody temperature.
Pandaa feels like the closest thing we have to a saving grace.
Y'know what we need? A festival. What festival? Who cares? The Gouketsu are known to be insane, but benevolent. If they decide throw a party and invite every civilian and clanless who wants to come, how is that a surprise? Heck, if it's in conjunction the KEI and Church of Youth, that's not even noteworthy. If the Minami want to fund treats and entertainment for... reasons, well perhaps the newest clans are learning to be a little different.
Now, where should we do it? This is supposed to be inclusive, dignified, a representation of how the Will of Fire has guided Leaf's founders from the beginning even as they have built fortunes and entire industries and districts of exclusive luxury goods.
Hey, isn't there an abandoned compound right next to the Hyuuga? Given their such public support for the Church of Youth they can't be seen backing out without losing face. That sounds like a good festival ground for the Church of Youth to buy with the Hyuuga's own money and anybody who wants to invite them back into the fold from their stuck-up superiority complex to helpfully pitch in for. Heck, Neji would be honor bound by Lee to promote it. Jiraiya must have some loudspeaker or recorder seals which could be used to promote it across half the city and attract smelly, scruffy homeless to loudly party right next door to them and their fancy luxury businesses at all times day and night at their own expense as announced by their summoner on the orders of their Hokage ancestor as Lee energetically cheers him on.
But how will people find such a thing? Well, this is supported by the Gouketsu of course! What's a festival without fireworks? A kiloton of boom directly overhead reminding the Hyuuga to come to church and repent their sins every fifteen minutes would serve as both a village-wide time synchronizer and a navigational aid. After all, it's just the highly exclusive commercial luxury district. We're not disturbing anyone. It's a public service I tell ya'. Heck, Kagome already has training explosives and pressure activation. It may not be ready for combat service yet, but it would certainly let civilian kids feel like real ninja while making a hell of a racket.
"Hazou, you should probably start the committee meeting by filling in how you got us into this mess."
"Poor communication by a grossly unprepared clan head lacking appropriate staff support in the midst of a series of unprecedented catastrophes preventing personal supervision. The original idea was to familiarize the community with a more abstract notion of currency to build upon for the benefit of Leaf, but at what ultimately must fall at my feet the details were lost in communication and the temptation to treat the opportunity for what seemed to be free money grew as the public's desperate need for aid mounted."
"Nevertheless, both the Nara, and their adopted mind clan member- to whom I have long since given up any chance of being in debt for less than my life is worth- have systematically and conclusively certified that my subordinates exercised admirable discretion. Given the outstanding leverage, locations, recent market price history of deniably fungible assets, and available market depth and recent history of foreign exchange rates, the chances of this being a purely stochastic event are less than one in a thousand even before accounting for the extraordinary timing which itself dramatically restricts the list of suspects. See appendix H.1 for details."
"For obvious reasons, external and less-than-legitimate actors are more freely discussed while investigations continue. As with the internal investigations the Hokage and other clans have been kind enough to lend personnel to certify collected testimony, evidence, and chains of custody beyond any possible gainsaying. Critical witnesses are being held in diplomatic quarters, T&I cells, or the hospital ward depending upon the ease of acquiring their testimony. Solitude is poor for the soul, but they have been assured that they will be joined by company very soon. Details are in appendix H.1.N"
"So far, the Leaf yakuza have been ruled out as anything but unwitting accomplices or facilitators operating within their informal remit, such as it is. Final conclusions should be reached within the week."
"Mist Yakuza are extraordinarily unlikely for a variety of reasons I am not authorized to discuss but some of which may become clearer during the rest of the briefing."
"Rock and its affiliate's yakuza were notoriously divided and unrowdy even before the succession crisis. Systemic coordination without a hint of detection would be just plain infeasible."
"Details are in appendix H.1.N.A. Apologies for the non-standard formatting. The documentation is constantly being refined and reindexed as evidence comes in."
"Rock is an obvious suspect, but they and their sphere of influence lack enough trade with us to have enough Leaf reserves not to noticeably affect major trade hubs Leaf has been monitoring for just such warning signs since Jiraiya was in the academy. It would take a phenomenally arrogant and incompetent Hokage to miss the warning signs that they were mustering such a supplementary attack, much less the implication that the more direct Rockfall was incomming as part of their annexation thinly disguised as economic blackmail."
"We considered that Grass's position might make it feel forced to softly lean towards one major power over another in the hopes that the minor nation alliance would deter response. Nevertheless, such an operation would be huge for them and take years to accumulate the reserves necessary without raising alarms. Recent attempts at interstate currency exchange show no sign they are even aware of a potential problem. A particularly large one designed to fall through due to sudden demand from other nations also being audited set up a class A mission which verified that they are actually still in real physical possession of at least a very large amount of their historical Leaf ryo reserves and are treating them as ordinary market assets instead of tokens about to be spent in a major war."
"Another minor nation with enough trade with us to have the hard currency without resorting to the open market available to attempt something even resembling this is River. This obviously makes no sense from their perspective. They make a fortune by holding the ground between Leaf and our closest major ally. The negation of their primary defensive strength was put on full display during the Battle of the Gods and is even now being retroengineered by everybody. They gain nothing from this action."
"The other minor nations are Rice and Hotsprings. Rice will burn its own fields before it lets itself become a pawn. Hotsprings is already Mist's pawn, and they gain nothing by taking the front-end risk of weakening us when their very existence is teetering on Cloud believing in the nascent triple-alliance more than it wants a guaranteed trade corridor."
"See details in appendix H.1.N.A.T."
"Cloud? They could snag and sue for peace over everything they want right now. It seems a combination of their command reorganization and genuine gratitude from their Kage actually counts for something for at least a little while."
"Sand? Sand is fucked. Pretty much the only thing they have left is that they're the only bastards crazy enough to live there. They have no reason to antagonize the longest and strongest major power alliance to ever exist."
"Mist. With their distance and the recent games they might actually have enough in their vaults to take a shot at it. However, it's not in their geopolitical interests when just months ago they were considering breeding programs to maintain relevance. The Mizukage is a compromise candidate who has to play the local scene between the sharks and turtles. I hate her guts, but they don't know that, so publicly undermining me and the Leaf clan she bet upon during negotiations during the exam doesn't serve her."
"Have the sharks decided to go feral? Whom? The second largest and third richest clan in Mist has a diplomat in Leaf who has secured a stable agreement which will likely leave them quite happily the second-richest clan. My personal information on Mist inter-clan dynamics is next to nothing, but as I understand it their status as a support clan leaves them with a constant undue influence despite the resentment it breeds- am I correct?"
"The antipathy towards the Wakahisa is a combination of petty jealously and long-since inerted attempts to undermine their disproportionate influence, yes."
"Thank you. The Mori are extraordinarily disinclined towards taking the lead in such a gambit. Furthermore, they have two members on the ground in Leaf. Doubtlessly not the ones they would like, but still more than they would have and more than anybody else. Keiko is obviously beyond suspicion, and while and I won't comment on her sister's affinities towards Leaf I would respond to any indication that she had taken any action which even might possibly harm Keiko by dispelling and hurling buckets of explosives at whatever sealing failure somehow managed to claw its way into our reality while screaming bloody murder for the SSO and danger close ranged fire."
Hazou paused to note that it probably meant something that absolutely nobody appeared to incorrectly believe that he was kidding.
"I can't discuss ANBU operations, but suffice to say that both the Hokage and Mizukage have found no evidence that this is a rogue Mist faction so far as I am aware." The best lies technically weren't.
"Internal Leaf investigations are underway and progressing better than expected. Naturally, the first suspects are any factions with large amounts of Leaf ryo to gradually exchange for Gouketsu script so that they can suddenly trade it back at a loss to just the right people they have just the right influence over to start a cascade of loss of confidence. However, the very sophistication of this attack makes the first-level perpetrators unlikely to be the progenitors. More likely, some faction known for hoarding large sums of hard Leaf Ryo with a widely known grudge would be set up as a cut-out, a cat's paw, a sucker. It would probably be one who recently escaped from under the actor's thumb of perpetual servitude." Hazou made the briefest of pauses on Hagoromo as he eyes the entire room.
"Fortunately, one of the best places to do such quiet exchanges is at a yakuza enterprise. Boy, are the yakuza good at keeping records. One zero out of place six years ago and a check-in results in the local boss and a dozen underlings just... poof, like they never existed. Their archives have been a lot of help, plus, for anyone respectable to become seriously connected to them will result in a loss of respectability very quickly- at least if they care. Perhaps even fast enough for an unproven clan head to be 'asked' to quietly resign and be replaced by a successor."
"The yakuza really are an interesting organization. When thousands of civilians were going to freeze and starve the Gouketsu moved heaven and earth to save as many as we could knowing that for every one we took in two would have to be turned away to die... only, that didn't happen. The yakuza were first to the scenes, even before us. Anybody we couldn't help they took and treated as family. If we said we needed six maniacs to run into a burning building on the verge of collapse to find the kids crying inside six maniacs appeared like magic and even when only two came out alive clutching the sister and brother, when we needed six more, they were first in line. They're not democratic, but when they say that they manage civilians to collect taxes for service because ninja only collect taxes, they fucking mean it. I wonder how they feel about a clan which spends its money giving every old widow who asks a hot meal, a warm bed, and treatment for that old knee-ache from a senior medic-nin instead of fancy plates? Where would their loyalties lie? What if somebody believed the Will of Fire enough to cry when they found out that those monstrously tattooed heroes died in a burning building to save children and the survivors went right back in without a thought? What would they think of the clan who pulled every string to get those heros a hero's burial? What would they do for demigods who cited them as inspirational legends? Would they drop everything and run into a burning building if it meant not going back to the old ways of the clans squabbling about who gets how much tax while civilians are left to fend for themselves? What risks would they be willing to take to make sure that truth came out for a clan which actually showed through action that they were what they claimed to be?"
"Anyway, local investigations can't be discussed further. Suffice to say that the Hokage's time is precious, so consequences will depend upon the certainty of the findings and be somewhere between clan eradication, forcible releadership, four boss summon immortal demigods accompanied by a neutral fifth observer surrounding a compound to request the clan head's company at a meeting at her earliest convenience, or a series of deeply unfortunate coincidences which will cease when the Will of Fire has judged the Gouketsu grievance satisfied. This naturally assumes that we do not continue to break geopolitics, gift Leaf multiple storage scrolls, fundamentally redefine warfare, or get a visit from a friend who likes us giving names on an average of every few months despite our three new sealmasters, more in the pipeline, fused-school gejutsu class, elite Ebisu-trained clanless class, and dozens of more projects I'd have to be executed for mentioning in this format."
"Back to the matter at hand. I do have proposal to resolve this. Originally, the script was to be fully backed. Despite recent events, its confidence has been maintained. This is its greatest value. The point was to unlock Leaf's capital, the majority is wasted. People put their savings in their mattresses. The thought was, what if they could put it in a clan-secured vault? Many would pay for the privilege, but what if instead that plus whatever the market demanded were offered in exchange for not withdrawing more than a certain amount at a time without a charge? That would leave an awful lot of ryo ready to line up. That village twenty miles up the way which would have perfect vinyard space if only they could clear the waterbugs before planting season? A quick loan for a till-'n-fill and Leaf is 100,000 ryo richer."
"This It's actually better. Run it by the tower targeted for zero profit and make bank from the tax returns of the enhanced productivity. The Gouketsu advertise taking out debt from the Bank of Leaf to give it a running start with our good name, but we treat it as capital investment and some mild profits in the first years can even it all out. We leverage our greatest asset: the Will of Fire. The minor nations will be too small to do it themselves. The great nations will miss the point and be greedy bastards. Everybody who matters will quickly notice that we're the only ones doing it right to break even for the secondary effects. No harm done and everybody wins."
"Now, as traditional, I'd like to request that you all full out a post-interaction survey."
Hinata unrolled her scroll and only years of training prevented a reaction. It was three layers of the very finest paper. Each was obviously expertly and repeatedly died so black it sucked it the light except the the slightest sheen which perfectly strode the edge between portentous and poisonous. The truly disturbing part was that any attempt to see deeper resulted in a nauseous disorientation which was very much not a publicly known anti-byuukagan seal.
Carpal tunnel. No, seriously. The reason that super-saiyans are blond is nothing more than that Toriyama was tired of filling in the complicated hairstyles and outlined hair is shorthand for blond in monochrome. This is the same guy who retconned two children being pointlessly mutilated at birth simply because he forgot that the species of his main character are supposed to have tails.
Accomodations are made for the medium.
Alternatively ninja like to announce their affiliations to facilitate retribution as much as they enjoy DayGlo orange camouflage.
*ANOMALY DETECTED*
MEMES GET COUNTED.
Wrap six misterators full of oil boiling oil over finely gound red-hot charcoal around six full TFs around an explosive tag with a very long delay and possibly a parachute. Throw as far as possible and run. That's a thermobaric explosive with about 10 kilotons of energy at a temperature capable of igniting grass, paper, and cloth by sheer radiance at its blackbody temperature.
Pandaa feels like the closest thing we have to a saving grace.
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- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Not when they have a chi instead of an X.
I honestly wouldn't put it past the authorities to be tracking this thread and change the programming to count chi at the worst possible instant.
Sufficient paranoia.
This is magic math, you're saying 600 kg of low explosive + oxidizer + a single explosive tag has an explosive force of ten thousand tons of high explosive. I don't know shit about explosives and I can tell you're off by at least 2 orders of magnitude.
A quick Google search tells me that the MOAB, one of the largest
EDIT: MOAB isn't thermobaric
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Each storage tag holds about 200kg. Without oxidizer oil has about 10x the energy of TNT. 1,200kg - inefficiencies is about 5kt. We know that we start hitting problems around 13 stacked seals, and can a always throw more than one.
MOAB was a conventional bomb filled with H-6 with a tenth the energy density, not a fuel-air or thermobaric explosive, and still registered on the low end of nuclear blast tables.
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Storage seals have a capacity of 100 kg, I don't know where you're getting 200 from. H-6 is 1.35 times more powerful as TNT, or about 4x less energy dense than oil. Thermobaric weapons are more weight efficient than conventional weapons but not orders of magnitude more powerful. The Russians claim their FOAB (thermobaric MOAB) weighs 7100 kg and has an explosive capacity of 0.044 kilotons of TNT. Now that's about 5x as efficient as the MOAB but that's a far cry from 4 orders of magnitude, and I don't believe them anyway.
It appears to me that you have confused "ton" and "kiloton" in blast energies. No thermobaric weapon has ever come close to a nuclear bomb in blast yield. The closest conventional explosions get to nuclear yields is when entire warehouses or ships full of fertilizer explode, and even then they aren't 10 kilotons in magnitude.
EDIT: Relevant xkcd
It appears to me that you have confused "ton" and "kiloton" in blast energies. No thermobaric weapon has ever come close to a nuclear bomb in blast yield. The closest conventional explosions get to nuclear yields is when entire warehouses or ships full of fertilizer explode, and even then they aren't 10 kilotons in magnitude.
EDIT: Relevant xkcd
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My memory is 200kg, and 1.35x is so trivial a distance it's still an OOM behind basic sawdust and less than half the energy of the desiccated remains of an average kitchen garbage can, so the problem isn't there. A kiloton is 4,184MJ. Diesel is 45.6MJ/kg. 4,184MJ/4.56MJ/kg is ~91kg and less than a single storage tag even at your measures. At 6x atmospheric pressure diesel is a high explosive even assuming that we can't configure the various seals to absorb oxygen exclusively and it really doesn't matter either way since we are looking to extend the shockwave instead of optimizing brisance here so we want to propel residual combustibles ahead of it. Our targets are squishy.
Warehouses and ships generally aren't optimized to boom. Quite the opposite. Notice how most involve ammonium nitrate, which has the vast majority of its reduction potential contained in just 5% of its mass. When you stop needing to worry about providing oxidizer the rules change and the lines between conventional and tactical nuclear yields blur quickly.
Edit: 917kg of diesel. Teach me to try to math in this state. Anyway, only blow up a city block instead of a city every supplemental action. Boo-hoo. For all the talk of nuclear power density it's important to remember that only about the mass of a dollar bill actually gets converted to energy by a large nuclear bomb, and most of that is wasted.
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100kg per storage seal is correct.
The kiloton is a unit of energy equal to 4.184 terajoules (4.184×1012 J). You have confused "tons of TNT" 4.184E9 joules, and "kilotons of TNT" 4.184E12 joules. We will not be blowing up cities with this method.
Let's dispose of prefixes to simplify. Wikipedia puts the specific energy of TNT at 4,184,000J/kg. 1000kg would therefore be 4,184,000,000J. Divide by the specific energy of diesel of 45,600,000J/kg to get 91.75kg.
Sanity check: diesel has 10.9x the specific energy of TNT, so 1000kg of TNT should be equivalent to 1,000kg/10.9 ~ 91.7kg of diesel excluding oxidizer and any force from its own release, which we know from implosion seals is considerable.
One storage seal of diesel uniformly heated to flashpoint under inert atmosphere in a pressure vessel is a kiloton all on its own. The oxidizer and powdered charcoal/coal additions are just about tuning the brisance vs diameter before the shockwave linearlizes into an ordinary soundwave.
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One storage seal of full of diesel is equivalent in energy to a little more than ton of TNT, not a kiloton. You just proved it in your post. If we make things much more complicated by disposing of scientific notation it's easyish to see - 4,184,000 J/kg, 4,184,000,000 J/ton, 4,184,000,000,000 J/kiloton. By your own numbers you would need ~900 storage seals full of diesel to get a kiloton of energy.
*Grumble Grumble*
You appear to be correct. Cannot brain now. Nevertheless, the boom can be measured in "oodles" and would suffice to replicate Jiraiya's final technique three times a turn, or every fifteen minutes over the Hyuuga compound. I suspect that a legal system designed by a city with no organized sewage system has neglected to include noise ordinances if a majority of the council felt that they deserve it.
So, now we need to figure out where to get 900kg of diesel.
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Toads may have flammable oil for sale.
Potentially satisfactory in general, but it doesn't seem appropriately derisive of the Hyuuga. We should have Kagome comb through the Akimichi cookbooks for the "what not to do" sections.
Wouldn't that be wonderful? Not only can they never sleep, but their compound ruins their luxury business investments by constantly emitting awful, cloying smells. There are sulfur compounds which can evacuate a city block with the spill of a few drops. Selenium is supposed to be exponentially worse and more persistent. Tellurium is supposed to be exponentially worse than that. One researcher reportedly took every precaution possible and it still took more than two years after he stopped work on the compounds before his wife let him sleep in the same bed just due to the immeasurably trace amounts he had absorbed. Combine it with a quick dose of H2S to paralyze the olfactory nerve and nobody would even noticed being dosed.
Boy, wouldn't it suck if some of that made it into the Hyuuga air/water/soap supply? Even if it only happened once, they'd be notorious for stinking to high heaven for years and excluded from any formal events for the well-being of everybody else. It even likes forming compounds with gold, so somebody receiving a fancy gift would be likely to wear it against their skin a great deal of the time where it could react out and be gradually absorbed without anyone noticing the source.
Gee, that would really suck for a stuck-up royal clan. Let's hope that nobody has mist-producing seals they can hurl over their compound and into every one of the luxury shops they depend on for income.
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900 seals*100 kg/seal= 90,000 kg of diesel. AKA 90 metric tonnes.
If Akane can make liquid air with Elemental Mastery that would work.
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A thought occured today:
I wonder what Ami will make of Akane turning in Hazou's "Ami Favor Tokens" within the same hour that she gave them to Hazou? Because, in my opinion, Ami gave them to Hazou as a two/three-pronged gift. The first was a "hey, I fucked up, I'm sorry I fucked up. I don't know how to apologize because of ninja job and personal trauma, so here's a thing that unambiguously expresses that I owe you a favor." The second prong is that this unambiguous "favor" is an acknowledgment of "debt," which means Ami is willingly placing a constraint on her personal freedom, which is HUGE while (third prong) also being tentatively playful in a "you had a wickedly genius idea that I'm going to shamelessly steal and improve upon, and I'm letting you know this as both a compliment and a playful dare to outdo me."
Anyway, that's tangential. I think that the immediacy of Akane using them (at Hazou's suggestion) will simply prove to Ami that we were honest when we said that there's always a seat at our table for her. Ami genuinely apologized, tried to right her wrong, and Hazou immediately forgave her. Just as he's promised to. Just as family does. So I think the timing will help to reassure Ami that Hazou does, indeed, think of her as family.
And then there's the fact that we're not using this favor as anything more than "please help us help our family, and, more than likely, find proof to scar the Hagoromo --bigots and bastards who will die-- yet further." We're not asking Ami to do anything she wouldn't want to, ordinarily. So that shows that Hazou's worthy of trust, that Hazou respects and honor this BIG FUCKING DEAL that she's given us.
... Anyhow, I think the fact that we handed the Ami Favor Tokens to Akane will tell Ami a few things, on a few different levels. Firstly and primarily, we're putting the tokens in Akane's hands (who was the "wounded" party, so to speak). So Hazou's leaving it up to Akane whether or not to involve Ami, whether or not she trusts/forgives Ami enough to bring her in on the investigation. Hazou suggests that Akane do so (expressing his own forgiveness), but leaves Akane the freedom to make that decision. This compounds Hazou's respect for personal agency in front of Ami, whether intentional or not. Further, it also expressed to Ami Akane's importance in our eyes.
Then, I think, that Ami might initially believe that there's a little bit of good-intentioned sadism on Hazou's side. She'll think for a moment, that Hazou is telling Ami "I forgive you, but spend time around Akane. Spend time around one of the few objectively kind, morally good ninja in this world. This is the person whose reputation you could have tarnished. Does she deserve to be treated so callously? Does she deserve to be treated as a pawn on a chessboard?" But Ami also knows Hazou isn't so cruel, to shove her mistakes in her face like that. So I suspect, after this initial thought, Ami will reduce it down to "Akane is loving, kind, and compassionate. She, too, is a good friend and a family member we believe you can trust." Because Hazou Helps People. He does. That's his thing. That's why Ami directed Snowflake to train with Hazou. And so it's far more likely that Hazou is saying "here is yet another person you can let inside your guard, if you choose to do so. We believe in Akane, here's your chance to get to know her and decide for yourself."
And then, finally, I think there's a bit of innocent playfulness that Ami will pick up from this. Ami has joked about marrying Hazou (though maybe she wasn't quite joking?) for as long as they've known each other. When Ino expressed interest in Hazou, Hazou (indirectly) made it abundantly clear that he wouldn't unilaterally enter into a polycule/polyamorous relationship without Akane's consent. Hazou, knowing that Akane and Ino were friends, even set up times for them to hang out on his own dime. Having Akane use Ami's favor tokens could be seen as a playfully innocent way of Hazou subtly "proposing" a relationship with Ami. Obviously he's not, so it must then be a joke. Hazou learning the steps to Ami's dance and trying to parrot them back at her, in an awkward attempt at friendship. A clumsy, crude attempt at Ami's finesse, but that, too is so very Hazou.
I wonder what Ami will make of Akane turning in Hazou's "Ami Favor Tokens" within the same hour that she gave them to Hazou? Because, in my opinion, Ami gave them to Hazou as a two/three-pronged gift. The first was a "hey, I fucked up, I'm sorry I fucked up. I don't know how to apologize because of ninja job and personal trauma, so here's a thing that unambiguously expresses that I owe you a favor." The second prong is that this unambiguous "favor" is an acknowledgment of "debt," which means Ami is willingly placing a constraint on her personal freedom, which is HUGE while (third prong) also being tentatively playful in a "you had a wickedly genius idea that I'm going to shamelessly steal and improve upon, and I'm letting you know this as both a compliment and a playful dare to outdo me."
Anyway, that's tangential. I think that the immediacy of Akane using them (at Hazou's suggestion) will simply prove to Ami that we were honest when we said that there's always a seat at our table for her. Ami genuinely apologized, tried to right her wrong, and Hazou immediately forgave her. Just as he's promised to. Just as family does. So I think the timing will help to reassure Ami that Hazou does, indeed, think of her as family.
And then there's the fact that we're not using this favor as anything more than "please help us help our family, and, more than likely, find proof to scar the Hagoromo --bigots and bastards who will die-- yet further." We're not asking Ami to do anything she wouldn't want to, ordinarily. So that shows that Hazou's worthy of trust, that Hazou respects and honor this BIG FUCKING DEAL that she's given us.
... Anyhow, I think the fact that we handed the Ami Favor Tokens to Akane will tell Ami a few things, on a few different levels. Firstly and primarily, we're putting the tokens in Akane's hands (who was the "wounded" party, so to speak). So Hazou's leaving it up to Akane whether or not to involve Ami, whether or not she trusts/forgives Ami enough to bring her in on the investigation. Hazou suggests that Akane do so (expressing his own forgiveness), but leaves Akane the freedom to make that decision. This compounds Hazou's respect for personal agency in front of Ami, whether intentional or not. Further, it also expressed to Ami Akane's importance in our eyes.
Then, I think, that Ami might initially believe that there's a little bit of good-intentioned sadism on Hazou's side. She'll think for a moment, that Hazou is telling Ami "I forgive you, but spend time around Akane. Spend time around one of the few objectively kind, morally good ninja in this world. This is the person whose reputation you could have tarnished. Does she deserve to be treated so callously? Does she deserve to be treated as a pawn on a chessboard?" But Ami also knows Hazou isn't so cruel, to shove her mistakes in her face like that. So I suspect, after this initial thought, Ami will reduce it down to "Akane is loving, kind, and compassionate. She, too, is a good friend and a family member we believe you can trust." Because Hazou Helps People. He does. That's his thing. That's why Ami directed Snowflake to train with Hazou. And so it's far more likely that Hazou is saying "here is yet another person you can let inside your guard, if you choose to do so. We believe in Akane, here's your chance to get to know her and decide for yourself."
And then, finally, I think there's a bit of innocent playfulness that Ami will pick up from this. Ami has joked about marrying Hazou (though maybe she wasn't quite joking?) for as long as they've known each other. When Ino expressed interest in Hazou, Hazou (indirectly) made it abundantly clear that he wouldn't unilaterally enter into a polycule/polyamorous relationship without Akane's consent. Hazou, knowing that Akane and Ino were friends, even set up times for them to hang out on his own dime. Having Akane use Ami's favor tokens could be seen as a playfully innocent way of Hazou subtly "proposing" a relationship with Ami. Obviously he's not, so it must then be a joke. Hazou learning the steps to Ami's dance and trying to parrot them back at her, in an awkward attempt at friendship. A clumsy, crude attempt at Ami's finesse, but that, too is so very Hazou.
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Point: none of the favors were indicated to be Ami's. Assuming she counts our interference in her Mist Inquisition we are, at best, even.
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- He/Him
But would hazou know which part was oxygen? I know we could figure out how to get uplift access to oxidizer but I meant more that Hazou needs to discover oxygen I guess lol
I mean we won't be able to do 100K fractional distillation, so separating the nitrogen and oxygen fractions is a non-starter, that said, liquid air itself is a powerful oxidizer. This is also pretty obvious from an IC standpoint, the way to put fires out is to deprive them of air, so dumping a truckload of liquid air on a fire makes it a hell of a lot stronger.
We can even justify it in Elemental Nations spirit talk, the fire spirits need air spirits (as food or something?) to live, so if we premix a bunch of air spirits into the fire it'll be a lot stronger. Now we just test a bunch of compositions and see what makes the biggest boom. I'm thinking macerators loaded with liquid air and naphtha in stoichiometric proportions.
We can even justify it in Elemental Nations spirit talk, the fire spirits need air spirits (as food or something?) to live, so if we premix a bunch of air spirits into the fire it'll be a lot stronger. Now we just test a bunch of compositions and see what makes the biggest boom. I'm thinking macerators loaded with liquid air and naphtha in stoichiometric proportions.
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