Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
Necromantic aside: we should compare these to the hand seals in the Edo Tensei knockoff Arikada used.
Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
-
- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard open voting
- Location
- Italy
Training ideas
- Hazou Must die: Every person you met wants to kill you, their abilities don't change(Civilians still strong as a civilian), you need to survive without letting them know(No acting like Kagome)
-"Imaginary killers" will use every possible way to kill Hazou(Poison,Explosives,Ect)
-End of the day, for every time Hazou "died", 5/10 minutes of reflection on how he could have survive, ask Mari if necessary. - Tengen Toppa Spirit Of Youth(Pierce The Heavens, Spirit Of Youth): Train with Rock Lee
-Switch fighting style, give each other tips on how you fight.
-Every sparring in a different place(On a tree, On Land, Upside down,while running, while running upside down)
-You're not allowed to stop before Rock Lee does.
-Rock Lee is not allowed to stop before you do.
-The one that surrender first must bring the other back home.
-Be careful, stop if you risk injuries(Rock Lee will bring you home,so that next time you'll be better). - Hazou Gear Solid: Follow people in this order [20 Civilian--> 10 Genin---> 5 Chunin---> 2 Mari(When free, otherwise ask someone else or skip to Naruto)--->1 Sneak up on Naruto(Warn him of the game some day before)].
- every time you're found out offer lunch to the person, try to apply positive impression despite the bad start.
-Ask Mari for tips.
-Do it twice a day. - Hazou The Bandicoot: If Hazou is touched by someone he "dies", then walk around in the commercial district,engage with people(The most busy places he can find).
-Cannot use Chakra, moves as fast as a normal civilians
-He can get up to 2 extra life by getting friendly with a merchant(only two times max)
-He can get up to 2 extra life by getting friendly with a Ninja(Only two times max)
-For every time he actually "died", Hazou must do something(To be Decided)
- Kakashi's Legacy:
-Invite Naruto to spar
-he has a bell(Said Naruto can be a Clone), Hazou need to steal it
-If he wins, Hazou will offer him Ramen
-Valid for the entire day - Kakashi's Legacy, Mangekyo Edition:
-Same, but with Hinata
-If she wins, you'll do her a favor(Little things, not clan head related)
-A Naruto works with them
-She can decide for how long to do so(Entire day? Half a day?Only when sparring?)
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Who is "she"?
Tua
鸡肉面条汤
- Location
- شوربة الدجاج المعكرونة
[x] Action Plan: "More Like a Cobweb, Really"
I swear, if reality corrects itself by making Hazou stuff the chalk up his nose to stop thinking about Henge...
I swear, if reality corrects itself by making Hazou stuff the chalk up his nose to stop thinking about Henge...
- Location
- Italy
Confused with the Magekyo edition, such error will be ERADICAT- resolved shortly.
Yeeees, next idea will be a warframe one.
- Location
- The Maple Syrup Mountains
Here's how the situation looked like to me:
PEIN: "The Sage didn't do it right so I'm going to fix it."
HIASHI: "The Sage gave us order and civilization."
PEIN: "The Sage totally messed things up. Look how bad things are thanks to chakra and the destruction it can cause."
TSUNADE: "Medical ninjutsu is unambiguously good."
PEIN: "Agreed, but it's still net negative overall thanks to ninja wars."
HOZUKI: "We need ninjas to fight chakra beasts."
PEIN: "No chakra no chakra beasts."
HOZUKI: "Like we'd all trust you to fix what the Sage couldn't."
PEIN: "Agree to disagree."
Note how while most of this dialogue is Pein arguing that Chakra's been a net negative so far, he still leads with 'finish what the Sage started'. Further:
This, and more specifically 'once our hearts are united' sounds a lot more like jacking up the ninshu than cutting the chakra out altogether.
I understand how easy it'd be to think Pein was trying to get rid of all chakra, but it really does look like he was just arguing that the Sage didn't go far enough, and that playing things by halves - enough chakra to throw fireballs and not enough to care for other people - is what put the world in this state in the first place.
1) Why are we wasting time being paranoid. This seems to me memeing.
2) So, we decided to waste time digging for deep lore at a time we need to get things done so we can drag this story forward.
3) Ami. Finally. But it's the third item on the list.
[X] Action plan: the clan strikes back
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Vecht
Self-Requested Ban
- Location
- Snarksville, Snarkland
They actually said he had power on par with "multiple Akatsukis" as in, he was at least as powerful as any two other Akatsuki members put together. EJ corrected this once.
- Location
- The Maple Syrup Mountains
And given that we already know that Jiraiya was winning against Sasori and Konan at once back in the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, and presumably Tsunade's comparable in strength to Jiraiya, it wouldn't be all that surprising if Tsunade was also in the "multiple Akatsukis" tier and thus a credible threat to Pein if she was at full power.
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
We had a fun time trying to model him. Bear in mind that between the Paths, he has six S-rank abilities before being an all-element ninjutsu user with massive generic combat power.
Edit: he trained alongside Konan, so his personal combat skills have to be at least S-rank like hers.
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- Location
- United States
Some of these questions aren't answered in QINOA. Also, is anyone annoyed by the vast amount of empty space in the document? I deleted some of it.
- Location
- USA
I disagree, but because my brain is broken before I could rein it in my disagreement became an entire imaginary gameshow about how Pein working with Akatsuki didn't mean that we could, and it became this:
Welcome to, The Mastermind, with special guest stars Akatsuki members!
* Bachelor music plays*
Oyabun: I'm your host, here to help match our contestants, would be Masterminds Pain and the Gokage, with a panel of terrifying mass murderers-
*Chime, smash cut*
Oyabun: with a panel of efficient ninja assets, all of them future/past members of the terrorist syndicate-
*Chime, smash cut*
Oyabun: organization known as Akatsuki.
*Camera pans to the side, where Hazou, Noburi, Keiko and Kagome are crammed into one booth, while Pane exists in the vicinity of another, floating several inches off of the ground and emitting intense serenity radiation*
Kagome: Wait, if that stinker is still recruiting then how is the organization already named-
Oyabun: Let's start with our returning champion, notorious Ninja mastermind Pain!
PAAN: Thank you, It's pronounced 'Pein', though.
Oyabun: Isn't that what I said?
Pein: No.
Oyabun: …
Pain: …
Oyabun: And our newest challenger, Hazou of the Gokage!
Hazou: Point of order, we are a nonhierarchical caucus, whose leadership at any given moment devolves onto the ninja or entity most capable of advancing the set of goals that most closely resembles our values handshake, unless-
Noburi: Thank you, he's happy to be here!
Oyabun: Fascinating stuff, Gokage, now let's meet the panel whose loyalty you will be competing for!
*Camera pans to the other side, where Deidara, Itachi and Kisame arrive in their respective idioms, Deidara dropping through the ceiling in an explosion, Itachi having already been there, and Kisame swimming in following a blood trail.*
Oyabun: Here we go, they will pose questions, which our contestants will answer. Answer well if you want them in your secret organization!
Itachi: What is the goal of your organization?
Hazou: We seek to bring about an Uplift, which would entail civilian equality with Ninja, as well as a general-
Keikou: Leading off with civilian equality is a mistake, we would receive a more favorable reaction by phrasing it as ninja equality with-
Noburi: It's fine, let's just-
Keiko: You are correct, I'm unworthy of speech, I'll never speak again, and will immediately cut my tongue out in order to spare all of you any furth-
Hazou & Noburi: No, you are the best, the sole fragment of meaning in an unworthy world, we are fortune-
*During the din, Payne speaks a brief sentence, inaudible to the audience
Kagome: Stinker! Time for Boom, Squish!
Gokage: Kagome no!
Deidara: Do it!
Oyabun (desperately): Next question please!
Deidara: Is it ok if we continue to indulge our proclivities while the Master Plan unfolds?
Keikou: What proclivities?
Akatsuki (all at once): Blowing civilians up/Imprisoning people for 24 hours in my rape dimension by locking eyes with them / Dying if I stop going forward
PAAAAINE: Sure, knock yourselves out
Oyabun: Gokage?
Noburi: Hold on, Hazou said something about getting 24 hours of training into one second and locked up, he'll be a sec.
Keikou: And when he's back we'll have to tell him how wrong it is
Kagome: Clan ritual
Oyabun: And now a word from our sponsors
*Advertisement plays for AmiFavorChain, 'They are valuable because people believe me when I tell them they are valuable'*
Oyabun: And we're back
Camera pans over to where Hazou has attached himself firmly to Itachi's leg
Oyabun: And we're back to commercial break
*Advertisement plays for Kagome's tutoring, 'Your child might learn seals slightly better, and has no more than a one in four chance of being exploded' (offer not valid if I decide brainworms are involved)*
Oyabun: And we're back, for real this time
Hazou: We are definitely joining Itachi's-
Noburi: You will not be allowed to murder or mistreat civilians once you are a member of our clan
Kagome: Unless they are Condors
Noburi: Sure, obviously
Itachi: Would there be any penalties for refusing to join your organization? Secondary question, how powerful are you in a fight?
Noburi: None whatsoever, and very recently a single S-ranker beat us up so that we'd know that he could kill us at any time
Hazou: Actually we are all about to be S-rank, and we have seven superweapons, and-
!Pain! : I'm quite possibly either Ninja Jesus or his somehow even more terrifying brother, either way I can effortlessly defeat an S-rank ninja
Kisame: Any bribes? Like if we work for you we get cool stuff?
*Hazou screams in mortal fear and passes out*
Kisame: What? I'm like fifth from being the most frightening in this room, depending on where you count that Keikou girl
Noburi: I'm sorry, it's just, your character design could charitably be described as 'Zabuza, but also a shark', and we used to be missing nin
Painne: I will literally raise you from the dead, all of you, if you fall in my service
*Hazou is instantly himself again*
Hazou: Is there any drawback to that jutsu?
P^ne: Yes, it will...cost me my life!!!
*everyone gasps*
Hazou: So if you raise a dozen people from the dead, then one of them could raise you and eleven more, and then you raise him and eleven more, such that the total number of resurrections at this point is...carry the one...
Oyabun: Is he ok?
Hazou: tears streaming down his face, *whispers* : It's possible, it is actually possible
NoburI: I'm afraid we aren't going to get anything else out of him for a while
*Advertisement plays for Juraiya's porn books: 'Based on true stories, and definitely not secret messages'
Oyabun: And now time to see how things have turned out
*drumroll*
Camera pans over to the contestant side, where Itachi and Kisame have joined P&yne and are putting on the traditional Akatsuki cloud robes, joined by the 3 junior members of the Gokage, who are rapidly drawing clouds on their outfits
Oyabun: I'll be, that's...
Camera pans back over to the Gokage panel, where Deidara and Kagome are working together on a great big seal
*Smash cut*
Jiraiya (scorched, looking somber): No one will ever know the true cause of what some are calling 'the biggest bang', but most experts agree that is was likely the Cold Stone Killers, who remain even now at large.
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
His weakest combat ability is tearing out your soul on physical contact, reading your memories in the process.
- Location
- The state of Paranoia
I thought we were trying to fix our finances, not drive ourselves into bankruptcy?
Maybe if we do this we'll get some indication on whether the Naruto/Hinata ship still exists in this universe...
Noumero
Omit Needless Words
... I'm just going to compile everyone's ideas in a list and put it in my signature. Stand by.
Rephrased the section about Akatsuki in light of new information.
2. Information about Akatsuki is useful for medium/long-term plans. The sooner we start looking into them, the better our chances of influencing them.
3. —.
I'll wait to see if we'll get an OOC answer. If no, I'll add something to that effect in.
Reduced to thirty minutes. Also, we probably won't progress that far. Also, Mari is there. Does any of this assuage your concerns?
Done.
Sure, but I can't promise we'll get to it.
1. It's attempt to circumvent the antimeme around Henge. The sooner we learn of it, the less fires we'll have to put out once other people circumvent it and start panicking. Also, we potentially could exchange that information for an Ami favour.
2. Information about Akatsuki is useful for medium/long-term plans. The sooner we start looking into them, the better our chances of influencing them.
3. —.
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- Location
- Academy City
- Pronouns
- They
Jiraiya could have taken him. Of course, not having Jiraiya to take out kisame / konan / dozens of mooks would probably have made there be far more casualties, and of course even just his death would have been a win condition.
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
Tactically speaking, were I the Danzou/Ryugamine/Shikaku in the room there with fhe knowledge we have now I probably would've argued for a "Gai/Kakashi/A/Jiraiya swoop in on Nagato for a real tough mega-punch distraction while Ohnoki is behind them charging up one of his Kamehameha Wave Deletion no Jutsu's " OTOH thats pretty much taking the gamble that interrupting things too soon wouldn't have kersploded things or Cthulhu'd everyone. Hindsights 20/20/20/20 amirite?
- Location
- Yes.
Out of curiosity, is there any particular reason we aren't just asking Mari for aid in maximizing our social competence? She's a social spec, Ami's teacher, and we won't owe her a favor after it.
Noumero
Omit Needless Words
Didn't we try already, back when we were missing?
- Location
- Yes.
Unless I'm mistake, the only time was here after the youthsuit incident, and it was more on "holding it together". We've done some 'competence training' here and there, but I don't think we really got anything tangible out of it apart from some extra words in our plan.
I do think Mari can teach us properly and get us actual buffs this time, mechanically speaking.
Edit: By which I mean, Hazou can gain some Aspect Bonus for social rolls in an encounter if he's practiced with Mari in the last X days, or something like that.
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- Location
- Potato land
May have. It's still seven of the world's most powerful ninja unaffiliated with any village. And when I say unaffiliated, I mean that they likely share a seething hatred for the major villages. Not really a wildcard I'd be comfortable with existing as one of the village leaders.
Because it was counterproductive to their goals. They absolutely did attack multiple Jinchuuriki, a Kage included. Who knows what they decide to do with Pain's final command. I'm working off limited information here, but the worst case scenarios seem very plausible here. Revenge is a powerful motivator, and they absolutely have the means to enact it.
I mean, choosing the Kages is very important, but if Tsunade can attend Keiko's wedding and Hiashi is conscious, there could easily be a council meeting at any point. And it really sounds like there should be, and the only reason there isn't one is that everyone wants to get all of their political ducks in a row beforehand.
Like, if there was ever a need for an interim Hokage, it's now.