Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

"Cousin Neji! Cousin Neji!"

"Bwurgh?!" her cousin shot up from his collapsed, drooling position on the ancient desk. "I swear, sir, it was only a tiny break! My work is still on schedule!"

Hanabi stood on tiptoe and put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. She smiled smugly on the inside. So far, all according to her expectations.

"I've told you before, Lady Hanabi, you mustn't come down here. The dust will be bad for your lungs."

"It's bad for yours too," Hanabi said.

"I can only obey Lord Hiashi's commands," Neji said sulkily.

"Don't worry," Hanabi said. "I can get you out of here, at least for a little while. I have a cunning plan."

"Oh?" Neji asked warily.

"You're going to help me throw a very special party."

"Lady Hanabi, I'm not allowed to stop working except to see to basic needs. You know that."

"That's fine." Hanabi drew herself up to her full impressive height. "With Father and Hinata both gone, I'm the highest-ranking Hyūga in Leaf. In a way, I'm the most important person in Leaf."

"Regent Kyōsuke might disagree," Neji said drily.

"I can overrule him, because I'm the highest-ranking. Anyway, by the authority vested in me, I hereby order you to help me run the party."

"Lord Hiashi would kill me when he came back."

"No, he won't. You can just tell him you did it out of overwhelming respect for any member of the main family line. If you phrase it right, he'll think you're just being loyal. Stupid, but loyal."

"It would be like a dream come true," Neji said. "In any case, doesn't Lord Hiashi have to approve your extracurricular socialisation?"

"He'll be fine if I say what Hinata told me. I'm honing my social skills in a varied and challenging environment in order to lay the foundations for my future career in politics. And if that's not good enough, I'll look up at him like this and tell him how much I love and respect him for looking out for me. Works every time."

Neji shuddered.

"Will all the other children be like you, Lady Hanabi?"

Hanabi had to stop herself from giggling at the question.

The purpose of the party was to help Minori. She'd been very quiet ever since she lost her sister three months ago, and sometimes Hanabi heard her crying when she thought she was alone. Hanabi would invite Tarō, because he was a friend of Minori's and would know how to cheer her up, and Miki because she had a talent for making people smile. She'd also invite Shiki, who was lazy but very clever, and his ideas would make the game much more interesting.

Yuriko would have been helpful too, but of course, she couldn't invite Shiki and Yuriko at the same time, because they were from rival clans and didn't like each other. Instead, afterwards Miki would be all happy and bubbly and tell everyone what a fun party it was, and then Hanabi would drop hints that she'd almost invited Yuriko instead of Shiki, and eventually Yuriko would break and finally give her that amazing dragon toy to get in her good books. Then Shiki would notice, and he'd realise that he had to outdo Yuriko if he wanted to get invited to the next party. Meanwhile, Yuriko would blame Shiki for costing her the dragon toy, and she'd go straight to Mion, because she always went to Mion when she was mad. Hanabi had plans for Mion.

"Don't worry," she said reassuringly. "I'm on your side."

"The once-mighty empire has fallen into an age of darkness," Neji read out in a dull monotone. "Brigands and outlaws roam the roads, preying on the vulnerable, while terrible monsters ever encroach on the fraying edges of civilisation. Law and order are but distant memories, and compassion is a luxury few can afford."

Lady Hanabi had written the scenario. Neji had edited it extensively, and applied his new record-managing expertise to memorising the rules. He still had no idea how he had been roped into this madness, save that when Lady Hanabi set her mind on something, neither storm nor blaze nor walls of stone would keep her from it. The only redeeming feature of the situation was that it would earn him more of her loyalty, bringing him one step closer to vengeance on his nemesis.

"But it is always in mankind's darkest hours that new champions arise. It is these men and women who stand tall and challenge impossible odds, relying on their strength, wits and courage to bring goodness back into the world, and smite the evil that threatens it."

The children gazed at him with rapt attention. They were mere Academy students and thus beneath his notice, but it was so rare for somebody to listen, to genuinely listen to him.

"The people name them heroes," he said gravely. "And it is your sacred duty to crush them all."

The children began to chatter excitedly. Lady Hanabi explained character classes.

Neji should probably consult Lord Hiashi about this before Lady Hanabi's unhealthy hobbies got out of hand. Then again, Lady Hanabi was the only person in the world not to treat him with contempt, apathy or homoerotic innuendo, and Lord Hiashi had made it clear that Neji was not to disturb him unless it was a matter of life and death, much less offer opinions on subjective matters. If anything, it was Neji's responsibility to make sure Lord Hiashi was not distracted with the petty concerns of children.

"'You have done well in capturing the living soul of a deva,' the Dark Lord proclaims from his throne. The scarlet flames behind the eye slits of his helm glow brighter until they are almost blinding, then fade to their usual colour. You feel your fatigue fade away, and your wounds sting as they close. 'But your quest is far from done. You must take the soul gem to the blacksmith of the Peaks of Sorrow, and forge of the deva's soul a single perfected weapon, a blade of black ice with which to slay Kirishima Kōtarō, Master of Geography.'"

At first, Neji had been bored out of his wits narrating the primitive story and playing parchment-thin personas like a one-man puppet show. He couldn't pinpoint the moment when he began to appreciate the children's engagement with his acting. The powerful, contemptuous voice of Dark Lord Gremulon had them shrinking back in awe. The crafty, subtle whispers of Skrissk the blatantly untrustworthy ratman merchant had them exchanging frowns as they tried to separate the truth from the lies. The self-righteous denunciations of Gondar the Paladin had them tighten their fists in anger. The characters may have been Lady Hanabi's, but it was Neji who made them real in his audience's minds.

It almost made up for having to keep track of three novices' character sheets (Lady Hanabi had entire hours' worth of experience, and the Nara was just about holding his own) while himself having only the shakiest grasp of the rules.

"I think we should hire mercenaries," the Nara boy said. "I'm not climbing those peaks without backup. I bet they have dragons up there."

"We can afford five?" one of the other children ventured. "They cost fifty gold each, and we have two hundred."

Next to her, Lady Hanabi shook her head. "We are not hiring mercenaries. We need the money for equipment."

"No, we don't. We're doing just fine. Who died and made you leader, anyway?"

Neji felt the room grow a little colder. He glanced to make sure the shutters were properly closed.

"I'm sorry, Hanabi," the girl said quickly. "That was rude."

Lady Hanabi gave a gracious nod. "I need a new inquisition set," she said, "and you used up the last of your oil burning down that orphanage."

The orphanage had been an inspired touch, Neji had to admit. Gondar the Paladin was an orphan himself, so he would not hesitate to run into a burning building to save the children, and they all agreed that burning buildings should be very easy to collapse if you had the right spells.

"Resume the hunt," Hanabi instructed. "There are still witnesses remaining."

"Not so fast, villains," Neji said after glancing outside. "It's already nearly dar—I mean light, and you must take shelter so that you are not caught."

There was a chorus of "aww…"

Hanabi took stock of the fruits of her labours as the other children gathered their belongings.

"That was fun," Tarō grinned. "But we have to play some more. We can't let those pilgrims live after what they did."

Hanabi gave a nod. "Never leave an enemy alive behind you. Or in front of you. Or to the sides. Actually, in any direction. I love being a Hyūga."

"Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" Miki was bouncing despite the late hour. "That was the best game ever! You too, sir, thank you so much! You must have worked really hard!"

Neji gave a rare smile. Hanabi felt a spark of jealousy. She was used to Neji only smiling for her. Still, she was very mature, so she didn't let it show.

"That wasn't bad," Shiki said grudgingly, "even if apparently I'm the only one who knows arithmetic. I wouldn't mind playing again."

"I'll bear it in mind," Hanabi said neutrally. "We'll see how it goes."

Finally, Minori didn't say anything as such, but she did hang back in the entrance corridor instead of leaving with the others.

"How did you find it?" Hanabi asked.

"It was nice," Minori said quietly. "Thank you for inviting me."

"That's good. Will you come play again next time?"

Minori nodded, and turned away to put on her sandals.

Hanabi couldn't wait to tell the Mistress how well she'd applied her teachings in practice. She'd kept order and shut down conflict before it could develop, all with the merest hint of icy intimidation (which, admittedly, was all she could manage for now).

In the meantime…

Tarō wasn't as helpful as she'd hoped, but Miki had successfully picked up the slack when it came to keeping Minori engaged with the game. Shiki was as level-headed as she'd expected, and any group with Miki in it needed someone to be the voice of reason without getting angry and starting arguments. It was a pity he wouldn't be able to make it next time, but Mion was important, and that meant tipping the scales. Long-term plans required short-term sacrifices—that was what Father taught her. Then again, if Hanabi could find a way to bypass Mion's clique that didn't rely on Yuriko…

"Did that meet your expectations, Lady Hanabi?"

"Thank you very much, Cousin Neji," Hanabi said cheerfully. "I love playing games with my friends."