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Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

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Jello_Raptor said:
I don't actually thinks it offliads responsibility. Imagine it from Ren's perspective.

REN: That piece of shit waited until my nin would be dying before smugly telling us that they were in deadly danger. The man is a backstabbing snake who is happy to kill children for no reason.​

Him rushing out in a panic to stop a disaster from happening is much more believable. The other Kage would probably have a response like this:

  1. Okay, so Jiraiya is probably in the top 10 for most powerful ninja in the world, both for fighting power and political power
  2. He just, in the middle of a meeting that could determine the economic futures of all of our nations, jumped through the window and ran as if someone's life was on the line.
  3. What the bloody hell would scare him that much!?
  4. If it's got Jiraiya in a tizzy, I need to know too.
And the above goes double for Ren, since it came immidiately after a discussion on Mist bloodlines.
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Except the Second Event was combat, and the first plausible time for Wakahisa to have died draining Pangolins. Why would J bring it up now instead of then, unless he only just realized it now?
 
Falconis said:
I kind of feel that it's related to the kids perhaps draining a target they aren't supposed to and getting corrupted chakra, like those cultists, or accidentally revealing Akatsuki infiltrators (that J man is aware of but not in position to counter yet) by forcing them to avoid being drained.
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Cultists are already out of the Exams but it's not bad reasoning. Especially if there's a jinchuriki in the Exams. That we somehow weren't informed of.

Also, revealing Akatsuki? That's actually funny, in a good way.
 
I'm going to laugh if Jiraiya arrives as we finish off the last of the ninja that didn't get away, followed by the rest of the kage.
 
Cariyaga said:
I'm going to laugh if Jiraiya arrives as we finish off the last of the ninja that didn't get away, followed by the rest of the kage.
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MMKII said:
I'm not really that good at these but I figured I'd try my luck. Inspired by Immortal Lurker's earlier piece. Coincidentally thread discussion headed this way too around the time of me posting this, fancy that?


30 Day Return Policy

Jiraiya was sitting at a round table in the center of the Mizukage's office. Spread out on opposite sides of the table equidistant from each other were the other four Kage. Directly opposite him, with a hauntingly blank face, sat the Mizukage Ren. To his right the Tsuchikage Ohnoki sat with a grimace, rubbing his back with one hand and cursing under his breath. To his left sat A, a wolfish grin plastered across his face, a smile highlighted by the white streaks of his pencil thin mustache. The 3.5th Kazekage sat to his left with a perplexed expression, almost as if he had forgotten his own name. Each of the five were flanked by their honor guard, two elite Jonin from each of the five main villages. At the center of the table was the hourglass keeping track of time in the fifth event. It was necessary that all of the Kage were present to keep track of it, for sake of fairness. It still had about twenty hours left to go.

As grains of sand dropped down from the top of the hourglass, so too did beads of sweat slide down the back of Jiraiya's neck.

Jiraiya paused, looking at Ren desperately. He needed to play this one perfectly, or he'd be skinned alive afterwards.

"Do you even have any Jonin left?"

Ren peered at him mysteriously, before her mouth split open into one of her numerous bullshit diplo-bitch Iron Nerve grins. Jiraiya's stomach sunk out of the bottom of his shoes.

"No. Go fish."

Jiraiya let out a groan as A roared victoriously, before taking half of Jiraiya's hand the next round. Ohnoki slammed the table with his fist.

"I absolutely detest this game, how about instead we play a game of Old Mai-"

Before Ohnoki could finish his sentence, a pair of Mist ANBU burst through the office doors. They skidded to a stop and knelt before the five of them. Jiraiya looked on with a stony face and glanced at the rest of the kage.

Whatever this is, it can't be good, he mused.

"Momoshiki, please report." Ren commanded with a raised eyebrow.

The leftmost ANBU started speaking.

"Ma'am, there have been some complication with the fifth event. There's uh... well you should see for yourself. It's... they're- they're right outside the office." the ANBU managed to stammer out.

"What in the seven paths is going on here, woman!?" A thundered out.

It was a testament to the two ANBU that they didn't break down then and there.

Ren got up from the table and strode to her office window. Peering out, just for an instant, she froze.

"What the sea devil-"

She strode back from the window.

"We'll let our guard monitor the clock but I suspect its no longer needed. If you would please follow me outside, my fellow Kage."

The five made their way out to the entrance of the building with due haste. The sight at the steps was equal parts miraculous and disastrous, depending on your perspective. Ren's expression was as cold as a sheet of ice. A and the Kazekage wore stern frowns, but their eyebrows and facial cues betrayed hints of confusion. Ohnoki rubbed his eyes in disbelief. Jiraiya...

Jiraiya broke out into a savage grin.


At the bottom of the steps stood 9 ninja, of various origin. Two from Fang, one from Wolf. Another from Sky, one from River, and an additional one from Rice.

The remaining three ninja were his kids.

The group stood triumphantly, expressions that looked a little bit bored, a little bit tired, but definitely, assuredly smug. Hazou was grinning triumphantly, Keiko had a bit of a smirk, and Noburi looked like the cat that ate the canary.

Behind the group of nine, stood a squad of 7 pangolins, about half of which were absolutely massive. To one side of this group stood the Ino-Shika-Cho trio, tied and bound together,badly bruised and with the occasional cut, but otherwise conscious.

To the other side of the pangolins lay a massive merchants cart, filled to the brim with what looked like unconscious bodies.

Ren's face could have been carved out of ice, but a gleam in her eyes betrayed a hint of curiosity.

"What is this?"

Noburi opened his mouth.

"60 genin, return to sender. With all due respect you guys might want to send these ones back to the academy, because... well, how to put it..." he trailed off.

Hazou stepped up and pointedly look Ren in the eye, before doing the same to each of the other 3 kage present that weren't his adopted father.

"Your genin are shit."
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Dissonance said:
Re: J not telling anyone before leaving. We are going to induce a memetic infohazard leak.

Edit:

There is only one proper response:

[✓] Armageddon Initiative
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Oh, I figured it out.

@eaglejarl said there would be no voting, which means it's completely okay for us to vote for whatever we want; as such, a vote for Armageddon Initiative here is completely acceptable.

But the thing is, if we did that and there were enough voters, the QMs might see it as a mandate and decide to accept the vote anyway.

Of course, the resulting chaos is so reality-bending that it already happened in the future, and now it has reached back in time to tingle Jiraiya's spider sense.

QUICK, EVERYONE, VOTE SO THAT WE PRESERVE THE TIMELINE! I KNOW ITS TERRIBLE, BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IF WE DON'T FOLLOW THROUGH

[X] Armageddon Initiative
 
Vecht said:
Oh, I figured it out.

@eaglejarl said there would be no voting, which means it's completely okay for us to vote for whatever we want; as such, a vote for Armageddon Initiative here is completely acceptable.

But the thing is, if we did that and there were enough voters, the QMs might see it as a mandate and decide to accept the vote anyway.

Of course, the resulting chaos is so reality-bending that it already happened in the future, and now it has reached back in time to tingle Jiraiya's spider sense.

QUICK, EVERYONE, VOTE SO THAT WE PRESERVE THE TIMELINE! I KNOW ITS TERRIBLE, BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IF WE DON'T FOLLOW THROUGH

[X] Armageddon Initiative
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[X] NO ARMAGEDDON INITIATIVE

I WANT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS IF WE BREAK THE TIMELINE
 
Is there a summary of everything we know about the pangolins anywhere? That might be helpful in figuring our what's got Jiraiya in a tizzy - I don't think him worrying about other Wakahisa genin matches his actions.
 
Dissonance said:
Oh fuck, MfD has memetic infohazards.
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Yeah. It does:

Velorien said:
Hazō understood completely. "You should get some specialised equipment, too. Like a protective mask, and storage scrolls with hazard symbols on them. I can show you the system Kagome-sensei and I have worked out—we have signs for everything. I don't even know what a memetic hazard is, and Kagome-sensei refuses to explain, but we have a symbol for it anyway.
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MMKII said:
You all might be overlooking the fact that Sage Mode is J's absolute ace in the hole and that he may not want to disclose knowledge about nature chakra mechanics unless absolutely *absolutely* necessary
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And him ending up in the epicentre of a catastrophe of any kind would cost not only his hat, but the reputation of Leaf as a whole. A basic chakra mechanic that will have to be disclosed anyway unless he wants the infuriated Kage to go to war on Leaf, is not worth keeping hidden.
Jello_Raptor said:
I don't actually thinks it offliads responsibility. Imagine it from Ren's perspective.

REN: That piece of shit waited until my nin would be dying before smugly telling us that they were in deadly danger. The man is a backstabbing snake who is happy to kill children for no reason.​

Him rushing out in a panic to stop a disaster from happening is much more believable. The other Kage would probably have a response like this:

  1. Okay, so Jiraiya is probably in the top 10 for most powerful ninja in the world, both for fighting power and political power
  2. He just, in the middle of a meeting that could determine the economic futures of all of our nations, jumped through the window and ran as if someone's life was on the line.
  3. What the bloody hell would scare him that much!?
  4. If it's got Jiraiya in a tizzy, I need to know too.
And the above goes double for Ren, since it came immidiately after a discussion on Mist bloodlines.
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Actually, I think it would be opposite.

If Hokage informs everyone what he's doing, he has a strong alibi that he didn't have a hand in whatever crisis that follows, (since both all of the Kage saw what Jiraiya was doing in the event by the virtue of accompanying him in the mad rush to the event location, and anyone with barest hint of political understanding would realise that he had nothing to gain by causing it, and everything to lose).

However, when he leaves alone and is only later found to, I don't know, be near a petrified genin, then whatever explanations he may give are far more likely to be dismissed as excuses, whether honestly or due to this being a perfect casus belli for ganging up on Leaf and putting an end to the emerging hegemony before it grows too powerful to resist.
 
Vecht said:
QUICK, EVERYONE, VOTE SO THAT WE PRESERVE THE TIMELINE! I KNOW ITS TERRIBLE, BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IF WE DON'T FOLLOW THROUGH

[X] Armageddon Initiative
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Well, when you put it like that,
[X] Armageddon Initiative

It's for the sake of the children.

[also: totally unrelated, but seeing the thread freak out about this and other things makes me want to recommend the book House of Leaves. I think people would appreciate it (make sure to read a physical instead of digital copy if you read it though)]

Enjou said:
Please. The Capybara are so slick at infiltration that they don't even need Henge.




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That's hilarious.
 
faflec said:
Also, revealing Akatsuki? That's actually funny, in a good way.
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While revealing one of the candidates to have been Konan with a fake moustache all this time would indeed be funny, having to create a new character afterwards would be much less so for most of the playerbase, I reckon.
 
Last edited:
Take some of Naruto's blood and sign a summoning scroll, then have him be reverse summoned? Would he worth ending his use of the toad scroll temporarily?
 
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