Cave of Truly Mild Peril
An AU where the team does ratfic things.
Potentially Part 1 of 2 if I don't decide otherwise.
wen road
"Remember, there is no Plan B. If it can kill us, we treat it like it's lethal. Your base instincts are the right ones—dying is bad, so don't do it. Avoid it like it's deadly. We are coming the hell out of here together and in one piece."
Prism gave a criticizing look. "Bold words coming from the clone named
Detonate."
"Hey," Hazō's double complained. "I know you found that word play exhilarating to your bones. You can't get past my masterclass people skills."
"I never said the cave has to survive the encounter!" shouted Hazō Prime from the outdoor outpost the fleshy ones had retreated to. "Now go in there, quit whining, and blow things up!"
"Sage may I," Crystal muttered. All the same, she put on her Tunneler's Friend, and after a twice check-over to verify the others were masked up and out of the way, emptied a ✨ Snowflake Special ✨ or twelve into the cavern. The world instantly erupted into a fine, powdery, smoking mist of excruciatingly, shockingly, searingly cold ice and fog, an instant environmental replacement from her seal down the entrance, and then again eleven times more as she worked through the rest. If Hazō was right—though by no means did he seem certain, nor would Snowflake have credited him certainty if he had claimed to be—then the instant, concentrated, traceless white-turn-invisible death would slither its way through the tunnel, down through the winds of the passages, and wring the life and vigor from each beast and critter within, as mist as boa, death without a single breath of their exertion.
Initially she had had some embarrassment that with no part or intention in its creation, this weapon had borne her name, but Snowflake had to admit (privately), at least at times like this, she appreciated the association.
"It's working, I think," Zinnia said. "I think I see the fog falling downward. I'll start laying down the Telegraph Metastructures for the masters of flesh, so we can get to delving."
Zinnia walked into the false fog, wrapping her thick cloak tighter to her neck as she did. Atomized and dispersed by the Misterators, the dead air they had collected from here Elemental Mastery was rapidly reacquiring its gaseous form. The mist that formed off it was clearly rolling down into the passages below, and more importantly perhaps, not so much rolling upward. She placed the first set of her seals down in her memorized pattern, as the Snowflakes continued to empty the poison down the passage.
She was starting to get a handle on the snow science, at least. When she pulled the most power she could into to her Elemental Mastery, the air became so stressed from the injected force of cold that flakes of the sky, these small, tiny crystal pieces like snow, would destabilize, and fall out of the air. As it did, the spirits that gave the air life would depart, (or were killed, a thought flickered to her before she could kick it away—) and thus the air lost its vitality and became dead. Dead air falls, naturally, because the wind spirits that give lift have left it also, and it is by this logic that it would fill the cavern as flood fills a basin. The mist is only, uh... the mist is just the water in the air freezing... and then remelting? She doesn't remember.
She does wonder if the spirits ever come back, of if she has killed the air for good.
She doesn't wonder, so much, how the Sage Hazō's Telegraph Metastructures work. Seals are for sealmasters.
They has proceeded slowly to allow the dead air to restabilize, but as a consequence of the caution and the air, the journey had little to offer of either adventure or natural pleasure. Most creatures they passed were dead, dying, or dazed, and in order not to be the same, they were breathing fresh, filtered air inside sealed masks, and bundled up in coats on top of their combat wear so heavy it was a miracle they'd ever be able to stab anything (though admittedly the protection against jumps was nice given the fauna).
Thankfully, the dead air did little to the plants and rocks, and they had catalogued a small collection of wonders on the way down.
The unadventure stopped when they landed at the flooded room.
(Admittedly this was already at or past Orochimaru's notes, and the most 'mild peril' they had experienced was almost dispelling from a sneeze, so some chuffs and hot beverages were in order for crushing it hard so far.)
"Hold the ✨ Snowflake Surprise ✨, this seems like the end of the line," Detonate said. "We should recap from here and remind ourselves what to collect on the way back."
He flicked an Axis Dial connected to a Light Signal modulated to the Very Very Red Range, and if things hadn't fallen apart up at the surface of flesh golems in the last ten minutes, that should carry across the chain of seals to form a distinct single beep into the ear-mounted attachments of the ones in flesh housings.
Sealing was so much more relaxing when you composed known seals together into novel patterns wholesale, rather than replanned the entire seven angles of chakra conduits. Relaxing, and easier to delegate without giving secrets away wholecloth, or attracting due and proportionate interest for their inventions. Especially easy to delegate now that every sealsmaster with Skywalker privileges is eligible for Shadow Clone, because duh, how does Leaf even survive with this quality of mathematical incompet—aaaanyway.
"Do you think the cave could resurface?" asked Hydrangea. "No offense Hazō, but your plan sucked the fun out of this part of the Classic Gōketsu Adventure."
"We could check," said Crystal. "I could swim down and see if it resurfaces. It isn't uncommon for caves to do so...
"Let me rephrase. Hydrangea can swim down there to see if it resurfaces. Mist prepared me for the wet and the cold, but this is not your ordinary morning swim exercise. Normally when I leave the water, I get to leave the 'not breathing' and the 'freezing one's extremities off' also. Also Hydrangea offered, thereby officially recognizing her preference to continue, whereas mine has remained unsaid."
Hydrangea looked at the water like it was a sewer run-off.
"Now hold off a second there, we should at least check that the water's safe—"
Zinnia hauled a half-dying, torpid chakra insect into the water, which—after sinking, else they would have tagged them better with an explosive seal—was promptly shredded by a small swarm of cavefish.
"Whelp. OK, so there's an obvious solution, but it doesn't sound fun. Let me think for a bit to come up with a better plan of action. Can someone relay this to the puppets of flesh and bone above?"
"Sure... they said... [Explosives]... and... [Question Mark]. That's it, that's their suggestion."
"...Why do we even ask?"
"Obviously they have no skin in the game."
"Rapid fire plans. One, Elemental Mastery, boil the fish in the water. Obvious downside, that takes forever and, whatever happens with the dead air, we're going to push into our Tunneler's Friend stocks if we try.
"Two, I cast a few MARI next to each other through the water, and then we can either swim between them for safety, or better, I use Tunnel Excavation and cut a hole through it. Obvious downside, we'd probably get chakra constructs from this rock, and those won't last long enough, nor is MARI designed for this terrain. wen road
"Three, saturate the water with explosions and earbusters, and try to kill the fish at range, per the fleshhats up top. Obvious downsides are obvious.
"Four, we feed the fish until they're no longer hungry. Obvious downside is we'd be taking a risk if we don't actually disarm them first, and less obvious downside is that this makes our retreat options suck.
"Five,—"
"Detonate. Detonate.
Hazō."
"Huh? Ah, sorry. Were you offering a suggestion, Prism?"
"We should simply poison the waters and come back tomorrow. The volume is small and the fish not too heavy. Perhaps poison an offering of food or two. Even if they survive, if we put more insects in there to hold off the worst starvation impulses, they would be less likely to attack us in a dangerous way."
"...Sure. Alright, let's do that and head up for today. We can collect our winnings on the way out."