Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

Inferno Vulpix · Mar 21, 2021

@eaglejarl how far from the northern coast of Cat did Hazou think he was when he reached the western coast? I'm not entirely sure what our path was like after we started setting all of Cat on fire.

roobee · Mar 21, 2021

We should update Mari via Keiko that we told Asuma about our issues, and that Asuma is now taking all scrip out of circulation. And have Keiko immediately unsummon to ask Mari's advice and resummon to tell us it. We can use that time waiting to read the letters. The scrip situation and Mari's contingencies seems time sensitive, and the drugged Hazou has already delayed it by a day.

BelligerentGnu · Mar 21, 2021

[] Skywalker across and say hi.

Why overthink this?

Sir Stompy · Mar 21, 2021

Waffle said:
Is the next update/plan supposed to be Isan or spiders focused? There's cliffhangers everywhere!

Velorien said:
To be continued next week, or before if spoons allow.

I don't know if we're allowed to change the plan. Is that allowed this cycle?

BelligerentGnu said:
[] Skywalker across and say hi.

We don't have any skywalkers, and we aren't allowed to use them.

faflec · Mar 21, 2021

Sir Stompy said:
We don't have any skywalkers, and we aren't allowed to use them.

Also, Dogs can't use Skywalkers, so it would be Hazou, plus whatever Dogs he could carry on his person.

Sir Stompy · Mar 21, 2021

Sentient Tree said:
The shapes in the water are probably another summon clan, possibly the sharks. Let's at least try diplomacy before we explode them all.

We should also try to signal to the arachnid somehow that we want to talk.

Yeah we should definitely get a closer look first. But if they're not friendly or they're the Eaters we should be prepared for combat via waterproof explosives.

faflec said:
Also, Dogs can't use Skywalkers, so it would be Hazou, plus whatever Dogs he could carry on his person.

Can the Dogs not use chakra adhesion or something? Or is it more like they don't have little booties that let them skywalk? Can they waterwalk at least?

Velorien · Mar 21, 2021

Sir Stompy said:
I don't know if we're allowed to change the plan. Is that allowed this cycle?

I haven't written the update yet, so I can wait until the end of the cycle if you want to vote in a new plan. However, bear in mind that Keiko is currently having dinner at the Azai estate and this will form the subject of the next update no matter what (unless something goes wrong on this end and I have to make do with an interlude).

Edit: I suppose you could vote "Leave the dinner to the Keikopilot and do X afterwards", but bearing in mind that the Keikopilot can't improvise and has a rather limited social skillset...

BelligerentGnu · Mar 21, 2021

Sir Stompy said:
We don't have any skywalkers, and we aren't allowed to use them.

Fine then. Water walk across, killing whatever's in the way if it objects.

FaintlySorcerous · Mar 21, 2021

eaglejarl said:
Even then, Hazō brought them down on an angle, taking significant extra time in exchange for traveling more distance in the safety of the air.

Does this mean we have Skywalkers? If not, what does it mean to be brought down on an angle?

(If we have Skywalkers then the obvious next move is putting the Dogs on a tower and walking over to the Arachnid.)

(...Arachnid isn't Spider. Who wants to bet the Boss is a scorpion?)

faflec · Mar 21, 2021

FaintlySorcerous said:
Does this mean we have Skywalkers? If not, what does it mean to be brought down on an angle?

(If we have Skywalkers then the obvious next move is putting the Dogs on a tower and walking over to the Arachnid.)

(...Arachnid isn't Spider. Who wants to bet the Boss is a scorpion?)

I'm pretty sure these are Skytowers, and Hazou is descending the platforms at an angle to maximize horizontal distance traveled while in the air.

Kiba · Mar 21, 2021

Are we allow to use skytowers in front of the spider?

RandomOTP · Mar 21, 2021

Kiba said:
Are we allow to use skytowers in front of the spider?

Doubtful, but we can run a mile or two away, find a nice hidden location, build up, and then skywalk their way (and explode the Skytower with a mountain of seals to get rid of the evidence that it existed at all).

[] Free Use Plan: Diplomacy Before Death
Words: tbd

Okay, is what's in the water a Summoning Clan (shark, octopi, etc) or a nonsophontic threat? Summons, what do you think? What can you see?
Try to signal to a figure in the water that you want to talk, if signal is ignored then use skywalkers (from a hidden point, retreat backwards if neccessary) to climb up to a huge height (use rebreathers and jackets as necessary) and skywalk over. Destroy skytower with (Kagome levels paranoia and Hagoromo levels of prejudice) and obscure skywalker seals with jutsu (a la Mari's "pretty pony" from Jiraiya-scene).
If signal is acknowledged
- Prepare offering from seals (also prepare one for the Big Fuckoff Spider on the other side)
- Approach to minimum safe distance
- Let Canabisu take the lead as Diplomat, keep Cantelabra from pulling a Hazou (foot, meet mouth).
  - We want to get to the other side of the bank, is there a Boss Summon we can parlay with?

Sir Stompy · Mar 21, 2021

According to the 7th Path map, the Shark Clan occupies the top layer of water, so if we're seeing a new Clan it's most likely them. Sharks like meat so let's go to the water's edge and see if we can bribe our way across with exotic meats. If that doesn't pan out we can always play fishing with explosive tags.
[] PROTOPlan: Dogs are Friends Not Food
Words: <300

Based on our knowledge of the ocean-going Clans, the blobs are most likely the Shark Clan
Discuss with Canabisu the following
- We have a bunch of exotic meat of land animals from the Human Path in our storage seals with which to bribe them
- Explosive seals are deadly underwater.
- If our supply of either meat of waterproof seals is insufficient in Hazou's opinion, retreat to the Human Path briefly to get as much more as he can on short notice.
Get closer to the water, be careful.
- Prepare offering from seals (also prepare one for the Big Spider on the other side)
- Approach to minimum safe distance
- Let Canabisu take the lead as Diplomat, keep Cantelabra from pulling a Hazou (foot, meet mouth).
  - We want to get to the other side of the bank, is there someone we can parlay with?
If things go sour, drop a tag every 50-100 m and make a break for the other side of the bay

____________________________________________________________________
I'm don't think we should use skywalkers here. It just doesn't seem worth it. Canabisu needs to do the talking and he can't use them anyway. Happy to take suggestions!

Halberdier · Mar 21, 2021

Reaction post! @eaglejarl on a scale of 0-10, 10 being actively keeps writing fires alive and 0 being neutral/negative feelings towards them, remind me of your feelings on reaction posts (in general, not mine specifically)? And assuming positive, anything particular you like to see in them?

eaglejarl said:
What they had not expected was for the hill to stand up and shake itself before striding towards them.

The flames cowered away from the fur of what could only be the Cat Boss, refusing to approach any more than a civilian would approach the Hokage unasked. Hazō paled.

Well. We're royally forked. GG everyone. Oh wait, we can unsummon. Doggies are toast though, and that's almost as bad.

eaglejarl said:
"Your Purifier seals do slightly too good a job," Canabisu said. "They cleanse most of the scent from the air along with the soot. It's quite disturbing." He cocked his head. "It doesn't bother you?"

"The human sense of smell isn't anywhere near as good as yours," Hazō said. "We can't track with it. We mostly use it to identify spoiled food."

All four dogs stopped in shock.

"Uncle Hazō! I didn't know you were nose blind! You poor guy." Cantelabra, who had insisted on walking for a while, rubbed his head on Hazō's ankle and looked up with sad eyes.

I mean, look at your cuteness! You'll be missed, little one.

eaglejarl said:
Its fur was tawny, matching the color of the tall grass that covered the plains—all except for white 'socks' on each foot, covering the paws and shins. Hazō could just make out curving claws hidden between the toes; he had the feeling that when extended those would be larger than himself.

Aww, that's the most adorable terrifying killing machine I've read about since cats invaded the internet.

eaglejarl said:
Canabisu cleared his throat and stepped forward. "Good afternoon," he said, almost completely masking the quaver in his voice. "I am Canabisu, ambassador of the Dog Clan. Our Territory is on the far side of Bear and we are journeying west in search of the Arachnid Clan. By what name or title may I have the privilege of addressing you?"

Feels a little late for diplomacy, but I guess nothing for it but to try.

eaglejarl said:
"I am Nekkar," the Boss said. "I note that my territory is on fire."

"Yes," Canabisu said. "Very regrettable. For our part, we've been doing our best to stay clear of the flames as we traveled, but we've been watching for survivors or anyone in need of aid. I hope no one has been hurt?"

Nekkar chuckled, a nigh-subsonic booming that Hazō could almost feel in his chest. "If they have then they deserve it for their weakness."

We're so scre... Huh. Boss apathy and a strange sense of humor might mean we survive this? Certainly, it's a strange mentality for a leader, but it isn't too surprising from cat boss.

eaglejarl said:
A little of the 'ready for utterly hopeless combat' tension went out of Hazō, to be replaced with a complicated mixture of confusion and disgust at a leader who would visibly care so little for their clan.

"My attitude bothers you, two-legs?"

"No, sir...uh...ma'am...um..."

"Are you actually confused about my gender?"

"Um..."

And this is why we need to work on our deception skills, like Mari said. Also why "open mouth insert foot" was well deserved.

eaglejarl said:
"I suppose it shall need to remain a mystery," Nekkar said at last, smiling wider. "Be aware, human, that calling a Feline something that they are not is a great offense. We are what we are and no less. To call someone by a different name, or by a descriptor unearned, is how one goes about issuing a challenge."

Feline, not cat. Got it. And good advice. Glad they didn't take offense right away.

eaglejarl said:
We appreciate your forbearance," Canabisu said, nodding his head gratefully. "We—"

"No, no. Let the human speak."

"Um...yes, great Nekkar. Thank you for—" Canabisu coughed and shook his head minutely, eyes wide in fear. "—your forbearance," Hazō finished. It had to be safe if Canabisu had used it, right?

Feels like walking through a minefield following in someone's steps, knowing if they set off a mine we're dead as well. This is unironically fun.

eaglejarl said:
"I note that you did not approach me for permission first." Something in the giant cat's words carried the image of faintly-rustling grasses that concealed sword-sharp claws and bloody jaws, of the terror of the night and foes unseen.

"With all respect, Nekkar, we had no way to reach you."

"You could have spoken to any of my children. They could have brought you here to me, where you could have made appropriate tender and polite request."

"Your children were not terribly communicative, great one."

"Oh? Do tell?"

Canabisu hesitated. "We were attacked shortly after entering the Feline Territory. First by lynxes, later by lions."

"I see. I take it you killed my children?"

Canabisu sighed. "Great one, is it necessary to play these games?"

A head the size of a hut tipped to the side in what, on a more normal cat, would have been an adorable and utterly unfelt confusion. "Why, Canabisu, whatever do you mean?"

"You are the leader of the Feline Clan, great one. I feel certain that you know everything that happens in your Territory, much as our Alpha knows everything that happens in Dog Territory. You are more than capable of killing us all. Do you intend to do that and, if not, what is your intent here?"

Huh. So, when one becomes Leader, do they just kind of magically get this ability? They're now linked with their land? Or just that Intel is that good? In which case were probably surrounded and screwed. Still, interesting and maybe exploitable bit of worldbuilding there.

Also, I appreciate Weed laying it all on the table there. Don't think there's any better options there.

eaglejarl said:
Murrr...so fierce, little dog. I thought you were an envoy, a diplomat. Shouldn't you be offering me honeyed words and playing for time as you look for points of leverage? Ways to calm the righteous fury that no doubt burns in my heart at the callous way you butchered my young ones?"

"There is no such anger, great one. One of the first things you said to us was that if any of your clan had been harmed by the fire then 'they deserved it for their weakness.' Your children attacked from stealth and we killed them regardless. They were weaker, we were stronger."

"Yeah!" Cantelabra said. "You people su—"

That was as far as he got before Hazō grabbed him and yanked the mask off the puppy's face so that he could clamp his muzzle shut. The little puppy wiggled and struggled in Hazō's grip but Hazō pulled him tight against his chest and held him there firmly.

Glad Hazou's situational awareness/danger sense are still up to snuff. This would have been a killbox incident, in that the Boss would have killed us and played with our dead remains in a GIANT cardboard box. Still might, tbh.

Also, seems like the cats would make terrible allies. And annoying enemies.

eaglejarl said:
"One of your young, I take it?"

"Indeed," Canabisu said. "Young and very foolish."

"What do you suppose he was about to say? I would be very curious to know."

"Mph mmrph mmmph!"

"I imagine it was something along the lines of 'your people certainly were not as strong as us'. Very foolish indeed." He paused. "I should note that the lions who attacked us were, to the best of my ability to judge, quite young. It was hardly a representative test of the strength of Feline versus Dog. The young are by their nature impulsive and inexperienced. I feel certain that is the reason why they did not offer us the opportunity to come to you and request permission for our voyage."

Why does this feel like having a +7 to roll and still falling a saving throw. Or a "partial" in dungeon world mechanics, but only because the GM let you roll with your best stat out of curiosity about what you'd do if you didn't fail.
I mean this from Nekker, not from EJ.

eaglejarl said:
Hazō was frantically running through a mental list of what he had in his storage seals, desperately hoping to find an appropriate offering. He cursed himself in retrospect; he should have known that they would meet the Cat Boss—no, the Feline Boss!—at some point. He could have had massive portions of unusual foods, or giant balls of string, or entire bales of catnip. A macerated chakra buffalo might have been a good choice; it was one of Fifi's favorite non-hunted meals.

Always great to see ways we could have prepared but didn't generated from Hazou-pilot. My plan had space for it, though I think we were past that point.

eaglejarl said:
Nekkar started laughing. The laughter went on, starting low and getting steadily higher.

"You think the Eaters are the threat?" Nekkar finally asked. "Oh, little dog..." The Cat Boss shook their head. "This is far too amusing. Very well, I shall leave you to your travels." Nekkar stood up and stretched.

That's... Ominous and concerning. Cannai will likely want an update on all this in detail ASAP. Wonder what they think the real threat is?

eaglejarl said:
"Great one," Hazō said, "if I may ask...are we likely to meet more of your children? If so, how would you like us to handle it?"

Nekkar snorted. "I'm hardly going to herd them out of your way, now am I?"

The Cat Boss turned and walked away, tail flirting as their body thinned into heat shimmer and vanished.

"That wasn't an answer," Hazō grumbled.

*Heh* herding cats. That's cool. And terrifying. Definitely feels like a whim that we weren't just mangled. And it might be. But that's a lot of other factors. Could be using us as an internal catalyst for something. Planning to get info from us on our way back. Maybe just wanted to let their underlings gank us as practice. Time likely won't tell.

Also, this whole conversation is a good reminder that we should do one or both of the following: get strong enough to have enemies think that killing us would be an decent inconvenience; get better as social interactions to not rely on our party faces and steer more high-level conversations.

eaglejarl said:
the Swamp of Not-As-Deathy-As-When-I-Was-A-Genin

Nice.

eaglejarl said:
Of course, it was no more beautiful than the sun rising across Gaikotsu Bay, the Kaizoku Sea, the Swamp of Not-As-Deathy-As-When-I-Was-A-Genin, or any of the other places that the team had spent the night atop a skytower. They had traveled a thousand miles from Snow to the southern isles without ever touching the ground, miles and miles of gray-green waves reduced to a flat sheet of grooved steel below. The forests of Fire Country had been an ocean of greenery with open areas for human settlements, tiny sparks of bonfires and columns of smoke rising into the sky. The dry soil and rolling sands of Wind Country, the marshes of Honey...after a time it simply became background noise.

Hazou is mostly numb to the beauty is nature. In his mid teens. That's unfortunate.

eaglejarl said:
Hazō tossed a trio of wooden disks off the platform. Several seconds later they touched the ground and bloomed into tiny red sparks which rapidly spread across the tall, dry grasses.

Well, I guess the Boss DID give tacit ambivalence and permission of our tactic by not warning us not to do it or killing us?

eaglejarl said:
Cool, thanks." He unsealed the oatmeal and dug in. "So," he said, gesturing with his spoon, "what's going on? How's the investigation going? How about those favors Ami gave us—or just updates from her in general? Have any clans tried to advance on our holdings or taken action immediately after the bank run? If so, what? We should look into that if we have time. Oh, and—" He caught himself and shook his head. "Sorry. I'm having some head monkeys."

Always great when you see elements of your plan directly in the updated.

eaglejarl said:
Lord Haru discovered that the Hyūga were stockpiling our scrip over the course of a few weeks before the run but have found few cases of them spending it in large amounts. Approximately a week beforehand the Hagoromo started spending nothing but our scrip and the Hyūga stopped collecting it."

Hazō raised an eyebrow. "Where did Haru hear all that?"

"He was vague about his sources, My Lord. Would you like me to pressure him?"

"Nah, it's fine. He can have secrets if he wants.

Cue 'keep your secrets' Frodo meme here. (Sorry, on mobile). Glad Hazou's in the know now and we can act on it.

eaglejarl said:
"Actually...hm. Let me think on it. There might be some political concerns about the Clan Head not knowing what's going on, and it could raise his wagon factor too high."

"...'Wagon factor', sir?"

Hazō chuckled. "Yeah, it's the measure of how many things would go to Naraka if that person got run over by a wagon and died."

"Ah, I see. Very droll, sir."

I like that. I feel like it's a reference or bit I'm missing, but I like it. Also I appreciate Hazou stopping and thinking about whether that's actually a good idea, that's the sort of thought we like to see.

eaglejarl said:
Several million ryō worth of gold, all with scrip. From two separate goldsmiths. We have no record of them exchanging any of it with us."

"Hm. That's not at all suspicious."

"Indeed."

Indeed.

Glad there's trails at least.

eaglejarl said:
It's fine," he said, smiling to cover the stab of sadness at not seeing her.

Awwww. Sad puppy. Good character bit.

eaglejarl said:
The skyslider project continues and is making incremental progress. The team have discovered a ritual which convinces the spirits to bear the sliders somewhat farther and somewhat straighter before sending them spinning into the ground." He checked his notes. "Apparently it involves two bells and burning some herbs? I'm unclear on the details."

... Thoughts on this? I doubt the burning helps with updraft. Could just be due to confirmation bias, or lack of statistic testing. Could also be that in this world, that does in fact improve things. It's hard to say. I'm curious to know more, at some point.

eaglejarl said:
Salt," he said. "This isn't a river, it's part of the ocean." He looked north and south; the water stretched out of sight in both directions. "Either the continent ends here or this is a massive inlet."

Huh. We made it. That was harrowing.

eaglejarl said:
"That," Canaut said, "is a spider. And it's at least as big as Alpha."

So! Things in the water. Sharks, maybe? We know they occupy the top layer of water (then kraken then crustacean). Though, that was what was said a bunch of territories away, so for all he know the ocean surrounding the continent has divisions other than depth. Diplomacy would be good, and is a secondary mission. With a great deal of caution.

Also, giant spiders. Of course it has to be giant spiders. And no flying Ford Anglia to speak of. Shame. But at least we found them. Giving away that skytowers exist seems inadvisable, but would be the easiest way over. Water walking seems... Risky.

eaglejarl · Mar 21, 2021

Inferno Vulpix said:
@eaglejarl how far from the northern coast of Cat did Hazou think he was when he reached the western coast? I'm not entirely sure what our path was like after we started setting all of Cat on fire.

You went straight west from Bear and you have no idea how far north or south the coastline is.

Halberdier said:
Reaction post! @eaglejarl on a scale of 0-10, 10 being actively keeps writing fires alive and 0 being neutral/negative feelings towards them, remind me of your feelings on reaction posts (in general, not mine specifically)? And assuming positive, anything particular you like to see in them?

I'm reluctant to say that it's a 10 because that might imply I couldn't write without them. They are definitely a great thing. There's nothing in particular that needs to be in them, but I enjoy them a lot.

Halberdier said:
I like that. I feel like it's a reference or bit I'm missing, but I like it.

In real life it's called "the bus factor". I'm not sure where I first heard it, but it's been used in reference to multiple projects I've worked on.

FaintlySorcerous · Mar 22, 2021

>> faintly-sorcerous post-type=rxn chapter=421 verbose=true

eaglejarl said:
The dogs had been moving slowly after what came to be called 'the lion incident'. Largely because they were taking care to stay inside the fire front and the fire moved a lot more slowly than a ninja. They were lucky that the wind had stayed mostly calm and had been at their backs when it was present; it kept the flames moving in the desired direction. Granted, it also meant that the smoke from dozens of miles of smoldering grasslands was blowing past them constantly, turning the air into a blue haze that necessitated wearing the Purifier masks constantly. The only good news was that they were able to skip activating the Tunneler's Friend seals—there was plenty of air available once it had been cleaned of the particulates.

"I hate this," Cangue grumbled on the following morning. She sat down and lifted a paw to scratch at the mask but forced herself to stop for fear of dislodging it. She'd learned her lesson after the second time she ended up rasping in smoke and soot.

"What?" Hazō asked. "Is it chafing again? I've got more of the salve and more padding if you need it." He'd picked those up shortly after waking up from his drug-induced nap, popping back to the Human Path and sending Gōketsu staffers scrambling.

"It's fine," she grumbled. "A little sore, but that's all. Let's go." She returned to all fours and started stomping forward again.

So: burn all the things, good so far. I am still pretty nervous about a wildfire spreading to the territory of the next Clan, but I guess we'll burn that bridge when we -

Actually, let's not use that particular turn of phrase here.

Also, go go Goketsu ability to find random crap. I wonder who comes second in logistics behind the Nara, as far as Leaf clans go? Can we start a yearly civilian administration competition? That would actually benefit the village pretty significantly - if winning were a matter of prestige, then the incremental improvements in each clan's efficiency would be worth something. Maybe the Tower could compete, too.

ANYWAY.

eaglejarl said:
"Yup," Canaut said. The giant dog was quiet and rarely used more words than necessary, but he'd become outright laconic lately and Hazō was worried.

"What do you mean?" Hazō asked, confused.

"Your Purifier seals do slightly too good a job," Canabisu said. "They cleanse most of the scent from the air along with the soot. It's quite disturbing." He cocked his head. "It doesn't bother you?"

"The human sense of smell isn't anywhere near as good as yours," Hazō said. "We can't track with it. We mostly use it to identify spoiled food."

All four dogs stopped in shock.

I am worried about morale and hopefully we get to take the masks off soon-ish. Other than feeding them as well as we can, does anyone have any good ideas for improving morale? Canabisu seems to be doing reasonably fine. I'd like to find out more about what Canaut and Cangue want out of life. Can we offer them anything? Cantelabra wants to be powerful - we can arrange for that.

eaglejarl said:
"Uncle Hazō! I didn't know you were nose blind! You poor guy." Cantelabra, who had insisted on walking for a while, rubbed his head on Hazō's ankle and looked up with sad eyes.

Hazō chuckled. "It's the way I've always been so I don't miss it," he explained. "It would be like me saying 'Cantelabra, I didn't know you were so short! You poor guy.'"

"I'm not short! I'm still growing, and I'm going to be bigger than Canaut! I'm going to be as big as the Alpha!"

Cangue snorted.

Hazō barely heard her. He was too busy staring ahead of them. "Um..."

Bless you, Cantelabra, for providing comic relief. Do we know what kind of Dog he is, or is the answer Puppy? (Does species figure into specialization, much?)

eaglejarl said:
"Look, the kid is—" Cangue stopped talking abruptly and looked where Hazō was pointing.

For the last two miles they had been walking towards a modest hill. The soil on the hill must have been stony because the grasses there were short as a lawn instead of towering overhead like the rest of the prairie. Hazō and the others had all been keeping an eye on it, thinking that it would be a good place for lions or other cats to hide from the fire and perhaps stage an ambush, although they had kept going because it would also be a good place from which to see what was ahead. What they had not expected was for the hill to stand up and shake itself before striding towards them.

The flames cowered away from the fur of what could only be the Cat Boss, refusing to approach any more than a civilian would approach the Hokage unasked. Hazō paled.

The cat sauntered up and stopped a few dozen yards in front of them—which, given its size, was a comfortable conversational distance. It sat down and began washing one paw delicately, then rubbing across his (her? its?) ears to remove imagined flecks of soot. Its fur was tawny, matching the color of the tall grass that covered the plains—all except for white 'socks' on each foot, covering the paws and shins. Hazō could just make out curving claws hidden between the toes; he had the feeling that when extended those would be larger than himself.

Well, shit. A...hill? A hill which could hide a Lion? Cannai might be new/small after all, as I always imagined him as...well, smaller than that. By a fair margin. That doesn't necessarily mean much - who's bigger than who matters less when battles are fought with magic - but it still feels like an indicator of something.

The Dogs had Kakashi (certified asskicker jonin) for quite a while. Finding out more of their history seems like a good idea, but it should come up naturally with the Taleswap.

eaglejarl said:
Canabisu cleared his throat and stepped forward. "Good afternoon," he said, almost completely masking the quaver in his voice. "I am Canabisu, ambassador of the Dog Clan. Our Territory is on the far side of Bear and we are journeying west in search of the Arachnid Clan. By what name or title may I have the privilege of addressing you?"

The Cat Boss smiled, showing far too many needle-pointed teeth the size of Hazō's arm.

"I am Nekkar," the Boss said. "I note that my territory is on fire."

I think my internal monologue when first reading this was 90% 'oh shit oh shit oh shit' with a 10% 'of course Nek is the cat prefix'. Nice to know that there's a level of understatement that appears to come with being a Boss Summon.

eaglejarl said:
"Yes," Canabisu said. "Very regrettable. For our part, we've been doing our best to stay clear of the flames as we traveled, but we've been watching for survivors or anyone in need of aid. I hope no one has been hurt?"

Nekkar chuckled, a nigh-subsonic booming that Hazō could almost feel in his chest. "If they have then they deserve it for their weakness."

A little of the 'ready for utterly hopeless combat' tension went out of Hazō, to be replaced with a complicated mixture of confusion and disgust at a leader who would visibly care so little for their clan.

The meta part of my brain figured the quest probably wouldn't end here, and I felt that it was improbable that, without any warning, the Dogs would be wiped and we'd have to report to Cannai that we needed a new diplomatic team and probably not to go through Cat after all.

But this was very, very reassuring.

eaglejarl said:
"My attitude bothers you, two-legs?"

"No, sir...uh...ma'am...um..."

"Are you actually confused about my gender?"

"Um..."

"Please excuse him," Canabisu hurried to add. "He's a human and he comes from another world entirely unlike ours. He has had very limited contact with people, most especially with the varied and mighty Feline Clan. No insult was intended."

Is there a good gender-neutral term of respect, or would it just default to the masculine 'sir'? Let's increment the 'Canabisu saves our bacon' counter, too.

eaglejarl said:
"Hmmmmm..." The Cat Boss trailed off, eyeing Hazō the way Fifi often eyed a half-dead vole that she had dragged in from the garden and wasn't sure if she felt like torturing further as opposed to taking a nap. Hazō could feel himself sweating despite the moderate temperatures and the gentle breeze on his neck.

"I suppose it shall need to remain a mystery," Nekkar said at last, smiling wider. "Be aware, human, that calling a Feline something that they are not is a great offense. We are what we are and no less. To call someone by a different name, or by a descriptor unearned, is how one goes about issuing a challenge."

"We appreciate your forbearance," Canabisu said, nodding his head gratefully. "We—"

"No, no. Let the human speak."

"Um...yes, great Nekkar. Thank you for—" Canabisu coughed and shook his head minutely, eyes wide in fear. "—your forbearance," Hazō finished. It had to be safe if Canabisu had used it, right?

And another one. Honestly? I don't hate the Cat Boss. They're toying with us, sure, but that's par for the course, and if they plan on killing us...well, that's pretty much out of our hands. They're doing a good job of demonstrating that they are Cat.

eaglejarl said:
"Indeed. So. The five of you have been crossing our territory since Bear?"

"Yes, great Nekkar," Canabisu said. "We mean no harm and will depart as quickly as we can."

"I note that you did not approach me for permission first." Something in the giant cat's words carried the image of faintly-rustling grasses that concealed sword-sharp claws and bloody jaws, of the terror of the night and foes unseen.

"With all respect, Nekkar, we had no way to reach you."

"You could have spoken to any of my children. They could have brought you here to me, where you could have made appropriate tender and polite request."

"Your children were not terribly communicative, great one."

"Oh? Do tell?"

Yep, more essence of Cat, right here.

...I really wonder how the Leopards got away.

eaglejarl said:
Canabisu hesitated. "We were attacked shortly after entering the Feline Territory. First by lynxes, later by lions."

"I see. I take it you killed my children?"

Canabisu sighed. "Great one, is it necessary to play these games?"

A head the size of a hut tipped to the side in what, on a more normal cat, would have been an adorable and utterly unfelt confusion. "Why, Canabisu, whatever do you mean?"

"You are the leader of the Feline Clan, great one. I feel certain that you know everything that happens in your Territory, much as our Alpha knows everything that happens in Dog Territory. You are more than capable of killing us all. Do you intend to do that and, if not, what is your intent here?"

"Murrr...so fierce, little dog. I thought you were an envoy, a diplomat. Shouldn't you be offering me honeyed words and playing for time as you look for points of leverage? Ways to calm the righteous fury that no doubt burns in my heart at the callous way you butchered my young ones?"

"There is no such anger, great one. One of the first things you said to us was that if any of your clan had been harmed by the fire then 'they deserved it for their weakness.' Your children attacked from stealth and we killed them regardless. They were weaker, we were stronger."

Canabisu can get it. I've had mixed feelings about him, but he is definitely a good diplomat. There could be far, far worse outcomes here. It's always nice to get to see someone doing what they do, and doing it well.

eaglejarl said:
"Yeah!" Cantelabra said. "You people su—"

That was as far as he got before Hazō grabbed him and yanked the mask off the puppy's face so that he could clamp his muzzle shut. The little puppy wiggled and struggled in Hazō's grip but Hazō pulled him tight against his chest and held him there firmly.

SHUT UP CANTELABRA SHUT UP

eaglejarl said:
"One of your young, I take it?"

"Indeed," Canabisu said. "Young and very foolish."

"What do you suppose he was about to say? I would be very curious to know."

"Mph mmrph mmmph!"

"I imagine it was something along the lines of 'your people certainly were not as strong as us'. Very foolish indeed." He paused. "I should note that the lions who attacked us were, to the best of my ability to judge, quite young. It was hardly a representative test of the strength of Feline versus Dog. The young are by their nature impulsive and inexperienced. I feel certain that is the reason why they did not offer us the opportunity to come to you and request permission for our voyage."

Can Puppies not feel jonin auras?

(Can we weaponize that?)

eaglejarl said:
Hazō was frantically running through a mental list of what he had in his storage seals, desperately hoping to find an appropriate offering. He cursed himself in retrospect; he should have known that they would meet the Cat Boss—no, the Feline Boss!—at some point. He could have had massive portions of unusual foods, or giant balls of string, or entire bales of catnip. A macerated chakra buffalo might have been a good choice; it was one of Fifi's favorite non-hunted meals.

"Tell me, little dog, why are you traveling across my land in search of the Arachnid Clan? What business could you have with creatures so strange and so far off?"

"One of them washed up on our shores. They mentioned something about the 'Eaters'. Such things are children's stories, used to scare noisy little puppies into being quiet." He shot the still-struggling Cantelabra a quelling glare and the puppy wilted, going slack in Hazō's grip. Hazō didn't put him down but he slightly eased his grip on the puppy's muzzle.

"Still," Canabisu continued, "the Arachnid are also children's stories. If one myth can prove to be real, why not two? Our Alpha felt that it would be good to investigate, if only to see if there might be an actual threat."

Nekkar started laughing. The laughter went on, starting low and getting steadily higher.

"You think the Eaters are the threat?" Nekkar finally asked. "Oh, little dog..." The Cat Boss shook their head. "This is far too amusing. Very well, I shall leave you to your travels." Nekkar stood up and stretched.

Again, useful intelligence (sorta) and not killing us. Maybe Haru needs a scroll. For first contact, this honestly isn't bad.

eaglejarl said:
"Great one," Hazō said, "if I may ask...are we likely to meet more of your children? If so, how would you like us to handle it?"

Nekkar snorted. "I'm hardly going to herd them out of your way, now am I?"

The Cat Boss turned and walked away, tail flirting as their body thinned into heat shimmer and vanished.

"That wasn't an answer," Hazō grumbled.

Canabisu sighed and lay down, a shiver traveling down his body as tension finally released.

"I think we should sit for a bit," he said. "I definitely need a break." His saddlebag flipped open and a small paper packet floated out.

Yes, you should sit for a bit. Long enough to recover from the psychic damage that I assume was inflicted here. Also, can all of the Boss summons do that disappearing trick? Does it only work in their territory? Would Cannai just laugh at us if we asked?

eaglejarl said:
They traveled the rest of the day and slept on a skytower a mile in the air. In the morning Hazō woke up to the rising sun splashing across his face. He grunted and rubbed his eyes, then looked blearily around to find the rest of the party sitting near the edge of the platform. Cantelabra was sandwiched between Cangue and Canaut and the larger dog had a paw in front of the puppy to prevent him getting close to the edge. The younger dog was visibly unhappy about this but had managed to squinch himself enough to see around the paw.

Cangue glanced back to see Hazō stirring. "Good morning, lazybones. About time you woke up."

"Cut me some slack, Cangue. It's barely dawn."

"How can you not want to be awake for this?!"

Hazō looked vaguely around. "For what?"

The tall dog looked down at Canabisu in exasperation.

"She means that the view is truly lovely," Canabisu explained. "She's surprised that you wouldn't want to see it."

It's nice to see some of the group dynamic.

eaglejarl said:
"Huh? Oh." Hazō looked over towards where the sun's treacle fingers were petting leagues and leagues of prairie. The prairie flowed in shades of yellow and gold with small spots of greenery here and there, a living carpet from horizon to horizon. A large river and many springs wound back and forth, long ribbons of sapphire and emerald around which congregated tens of thousands of wildebeest and other animals. It was, indeed, a beautiful sight.

Of course, it was no more beautiful than the sun rising across Gaikotsu Bay, the Kaizoku Sea, the Swamp of Not-As-Deathy-As-When-I-Was-A-Genin, or any of the other places that the team had spent the night atop a skytower. They had traveled a thousand miles from Snow to the southern isles without ever touching the ground, miles and miles of gray-green waves reduced to a flat sheet of grooved steel below. The forests of Fire Country had been an ocean of greenery with open areas for human settlements, tiny sparks of bonfires and columns of smoke rising into the sky. The dry soil and rolling sands of Wind Country, the marshes of Honey...after a time it simply became background noise.

"I suppose it is." He stood up and stepped to the edge so that he could look down.

Normally, I'd suggest that this might be an indicator that our mental health is flagging, but a) obviously and b) I think that a little rest after having actually achieved something - i.e. not getting FUCKING MURDERED - will put us back in a more optimistic frame of mind.

eaglejarl said:
"The fires went out," Canaut noted. "We'll want to watch out for ambushes again."

Hazō tossed a trio of wooden disks off the platform. Several seconds later they touched the ground and bloomed into tiny red sparks which rapidly spread across the tall, dry grasses.

"I wouldn't sweat it," Hazō said, covering his mouth halfway through a jaw-cracking yawn. "I need to pop back to the Human Path to check in. What do you guys want for breakfast?"

tHe FiReS wEnT oUt. Man, being around people who aren't used to us being Goketsu is weird.

eaglejarl said:
"Good morning, My Lord."

"Morning, Gaku. How's it going?" He yawned. "Sorry. Yesterday was a little stressful."

"Quite all right, My Lord. There is oatmeal with cream and honey in the seal to your left."

"It's not from that last batch, is it? Someone needs to tell Ichiro that cloves are not a vegetable."

"No, My Lord. Fresh this morning, and quite tasty."

Gaku is a saint. Also - he went from being a nobody administrator to belonging, probably, to being one of the 100 most influential people in Leaf - the country, not just the village. In about a year? Nice to know FOOM works for civilians, too.

eaglejarl said:
"Cool, thanks." He unsealed the oatmeal and dug in. "So," he said, gesturing with his spoon, "what's going on? How's the investigation going? How about those favors Ami gave us—or just updates from her in general? Have any clans tried to advance on our holdings or taken action immediately after the bank run? If so, what? We should look into that if we have time. Oh, and—" He caught himself and shook his head. "Sorry. I'm having some head monkeys."

"Quite all right, sir." Gaku shuffled through his papers as an excuse to buy himself a few moments of thought. "The investigation is making some progress. Lord Haru discovered that the Hyūga were stockpiling our scrip over the course of a few weeks before the run but have found few cases of them spending it in large amounts. Approximately a week beforehand the Hagoromo started spending nothing but our scrip and the Hyūga stopped collecting it."

Hazō raised an eyebrow. "Where did Haru hear all that?"

"He was vague about his sources, My Lord. Would you like me to pressure him?"

"Nah, it's fine. He can have secrets if he wants. For now, anyway. Compartmentalization isn't necessarily bad." He thought about that. "Actually...hm. Let me think on it. There might be some political concerns about the Clan Head not knowing what's going on, and it could raise his wagon factor too high."

"...'Wagon factor', sir?"

Hazō chuckled. "Yeah, it's the measure of how many things would go to Naraka if that person got run over by a wagon and died."

"Ah, I see. Very droll, sir."

Hazō rolled his eyes. "Right. Anyway, I might make an issue of it later but Haru probably wants to feel like he has some ongoing value. For now he can have his secrets although I might change that tomorrow after I've thought about it more. Anyway, the Hagoromo were spending nothing but our scrip?"

That's a lead. We can work leads. Between Nara diligence and Goketsu can-do and Haru's burgeoning investigative abilities, I think we can get something Asuma will be quite happy with.

eaglejarl said:
"Yes, My Lord. For approximately a week before the bank run. We even found two records of them buying gold with it. Several million ryō worth of gold, all with scrip. From two separate goldsmiths. We have no record of them exchanging any of it with us."

"Hm. That's not at all suspicious."

"Indeed."

He thought about it for a moment. "It's not conclusive. I need something I can take to Asuma. Keep digging."

"Yes, My Lord."

By which I mean, naturally, something Asuma will be quite unhappy with, but that unhappy will be pointed elsewhere.

I hope we get to keep teaching the kid. He showed promise.

eaglejarl said:
"Moving on, how is Kagome-sensei coming on that research project?"

"He has been unable to work on it for the last few days, My Lord. One of his advanced students...Jinno, I think? Yes, Jinno. Lord Kagome is working with him on his first actual research project and they are close to a breakthrough." He looked down at his notes. "It's a...hm. A 'third-chord thermal activation chronostatic bilateral Tanaka projection'." He frowned and shook his head before dropping the paper on his lap and looking expectantly at Hazō.

"It's a low-powered explosive activated by heat and it goes off three seconds after being triggered, meaning it doesn't have the adjustable trigger that most seals do. A good first research project." He pursed his lips in thought. "If Kagome-sensei is already letting Jinno do original research the guy must be seriously talented."

"I gather that all of them have been working hard, My Lord."

Kagome.progress? I don't know what's happened for Kagome to feel good about helping a stranger with sealing research, but...damn. Good work Jinno, good work Kagome, please don't unleash any interdimensional horrors.

eaglejarl said:
"I'd imagine." He shook his head in amusement. "Okay, what else? What about the favors from Ami?"

"Lady Akane traded them to the Nara, who are currently putting together several reports for her. I haven't been given the details yet, I'm afraid. Right now she's in meetings with the Inuzuka. She sends her apologies for missing you, but she's been trying to get this meeting for days and this was the only slot they had available before Friday."

"It's fine," he said, smiling to cover the stab of sadness at not seeing her. The report to Cannai was complete and Hazō needed to get back to the Seventh Path in the next few minutes. He was already feeling guilty about this stealing this time with Gaku to get reports on the clan's business.

I'm a little miffed that it sounds like *both* Ami favours were traded to the Nara, but maybe it'll help Shikamaru feel like some sense of balance has been restored to the universe.

Maybe we can get some flowers in Spider. Can we ask Cannai if it would be safe to import flowers from the Seventh Path?

eaglejarl said:
"Regarding your earlier question, My Lord: No, there have been no attempts on our holdings, although other clans have been rather standoffish. Not the Nara or their block—they have been quite open and friendly—but the rest of the clans. Well, aside from the Sarutobi. At Lady Akane's suggestion I approached their steward about a joint business venture into paper making. They were welcoming, open to the idea, and have been following up. No one else has approached us and requests for meetings have been put off. Always with a reasonable excuse but it's become a pattern. The meeting with the Inuzuka was the first break in the wall."

"Hm. Probably waiting to see what we do after the bank run and they don't want to get dragged in."

"I believe, My Lord, that we may have alarmed some people with our reaction to the Hagoromo's earlier insult against Lady Keiko."

Hazō grinned with teeth. "Good."

Please let that papermaking venture be related to difficult-to-duplicate paper which will result in a stabilized scrip system please let that papermaking venture be related to difficult-to-duplicate paper which will result in a stabilized scrip system please let that papermaking venture be related to difficult-to-duplicate paper which will result in a stabilized scrip system.

The Sarutobi seem cool and I'm glad they're being friendly.

The Inuzuka seem cool, for the most park. We'll need to make sure Keiko devotes some time to the chakra...cat? once she gets back from Isan.

eaglejarl said:
"Indeed, sir. Lady Akane has handled all of the day-to-day affairs so I have nothing urgent for you. The skyslider project continues and is making incremental progress. The team have discovered a ritual which convinces the spirits to bear the sliders somewhat farther and somewhat straighter before sending them spinning into the ground." He checked his notes. "Apparently it involves two bells and burning some herbs? I'm unclear on the details."

Hazō shrugged. "As long as it works, that's all I care about. How about the koi?"

"They are growing larger and seem in good health."

Hazō sighed and pushed himself to his feet. "Sounds good. Thanks for keeping all the plates spinning, Gaku. I need to get back."

My first reaction was that a ritual involving bells obviously can't help something fly. My second reaction was that this is not our world and for all we know, it is actually the will of the ancestors propelling things upward, or we need to ward of whatever grue'd manned flight the first time.

Koi progress is good.

eaglejarl said:
They waited until mid-morning before climbing down so that the ground beneath them would have a chance to cool. Even then, Hazō brought them down on an angle, taking significant extra time in exchange for traveling more distance in the safety of the air.

They walked along, half a mile behind the flame front, and shortly before night they saw it: The border of Cat Territory. On the Human Path the border would have been a line on a map, its position uncertain. Here on the Seventh Path it was clear: There was a river, perhaps a mile wide and halfway across it the sky became a sickly yellow-green that seemed to suck away the light.

Thirty yards from the riverbank the ground became sandy enough that the grasses had died out and there was nothing to burn. The team crossed through the last smolders and flickers of flame and walked to the river's edge. They stopped and considered.

The water was wide and surprisingly fast-moving for such a massive expanse, flowing to the south. Hazō bent down and tasted it.

"Salt," he said. "This isn't a river, it's part of the ocean." He looked north and south; the water stretched out of sight in both directions. "Either the continent ends here or this is a massive inlet."

"North, south, or across," Cangue said. "North and south keep us in Cat Territory. The Boss was surprisingly non-aggressive for such a bunch of jerks but I can't help but think some of the littler ones might not like us too much."

Nice to close the book on that. I have so many questions about the colour-of-the-sky thing (how fast does it change, what happens if a clan splits off, etc.) but asking those questions seems like a Bad Idea until we can put a Rasengan through any horror that comes unstuck when we tug on that particular thread.

eaglejarl said:
"What's that in the water?" Canaut asked, gesturing with his chin.

Hazō looked where the dog was pointing and frowned. What he had assumed to be chop, or perhaps some barely-submerged obstacle, was moving slowly. There were multiple patches like that, scattered over an area a hundred yards long and thirty or forty wide. Whatever was down there was either absolutely enormous or there were a lot of them.

"Would one of you who have the eyes of youth tell me what that brown smudge on the opposite bank is?" Canabisu asked.

Hazō looked where Canabisu indicated but couldn't make it out.

"That," Canaut said, "is a spider. And it's at least as big as the Alpha."

So...we need to do a little diplomacy; first with sharks, and then with an Arachnid. Crossing a mile of water doesn't seem terribly difficult - there's no OPSEC to breach on the existence of Skytowers and we can descend diagonally. It'll be a laborious process, but assuming that we can make positive contact with this Arachnid, then...

Let's just focus on the part where the mission continues and we've achieved something instead of thinking about whatever horror the Cat boss was laughing about.

Vamair · Mar 22, 2021

I guess if Nek is the Feline prefix, then this is the Clan where the old Nekromancer (un)lives.

Eisenhelm · Mar 22, 2021

Vamair said:
I guess if Nek is the Feline prefix, then this is the Clan where the old Nekromancer (un)lives.

They have nine lives for a reason.

eaglejarl · Mar 22, 2021

Vamair said:
I guess if Nek is the Feline prefix, then this is the Clan where the old Nekromancer (un)lives.

I think you mean the Nekkomancer, right?

Sir Stompy · Mar 22, 2021

Reaction post incoming

eaglejarl said:
The dogs had been moving slowly after what came to be called 'the lion incident'. Largely because they were taking care to stay inside the fire front and the fire moved a lot more slowly than a ninja. They were lucky that the wind had stayed mostly calm and had been at their backs when it was present; it kept the flames moving in the desired direction. Granted, it also meant that the smoke from dozens of miles of smoldering grasslands was blowing past them constantly, turning the air into a blue haze that necessitated wearing the Purifier masks constantly. The only good news was that they were able to skip activating the Tunneler's Friend seals—there was plenty of air available once it had been cleaned of the particulates.

This is really cool, I'm seeing the sealtech battlesuit starting to come together, and it's beautiful. We should research a variant of the Tunneler's Friend that's comfortable to put in a mask. Also get everyone in the clan a custom fit mask with glass eyepieces. We've been told multiple times that the masks as they are are very uncomfortable and ackward to use.

eaglejarl said:
"I hate this," Cangue grumbled on the following morning. She sat down and lifted a paw to scratch at the mask but forced herself to stop for fear of dislodging it. She'd learned her lesson after the second time she ended up rasping in smoke and soot.

"What?" Hazō asked. "Is it chafing again? I've got more of the salve and more padding if you need it." He'd picked those up shortly after waking up from his drug-induced nap, popping back to the Human Path and sending Gōketsu staffers scrambling.

Nice work Hazou

eaglejarl said:
"It's fine," she grumbled. "A little sore, but that's all. Let's go." She returned to all fours and started stomping forward again.

"But—"

"It's not the chafing, it's the lack of scent," Canabisu said. "At least, I suspect so."

"Yup," Canaut said. The giant dog was quiet and rarely used more words than necessary, but he'd become outright laconic lately and Hazō was worried.

Wouldn't the fire drown out all of the other smells anyway? I find woodsmoke pleasant in small amounts, but uncomfortable in large ones. I would think this would be a relief compared to having to smell it close up. Although I admit I have no idea how to model a sense of smell 10000x stronger than mine.

eaglejarl said:
"Your Purifier seals do slightly too good a job," Canabisu said. "They cleanse most of the scent from the air along with the soot. It's quite disturbing." He cocked his head. "It doesn't bother you?"

"The human sense of smell isn't anywhere near as good as yours," Hazō said. "We can't track with it. We mostly use it to identify spoiled food."

All four dogs stopped in shock.

"Uncle Hazō! I didn't know you were nose blind! You poor guy." Cantelabra, who had insisted on walking for a while, rubbed his head on Hazō's ankle and looked up with sad eyes.

LMAO, thank goodness we got the Dog Scroll. Just for the puppies.

eaglejarl said:
Hazō chuckled. "It's the way I've always been so I don't miss it," he explained. "It would be like me saying 'Cantelabra, I didn't know you were so short! You poor guy.'"

"I'm not short! I'm still growing, and I'm going to be bigger than Canaut! I'm going to be as big as the Alpha!"

I love puppies

eaglejarl said:
For the last two miles they had been walking towards a modest hill. The soil on the hill must have been stony because the grasses there were short as a lawn instead of towering overhead like the rest of the prairie. Hazō and the others had all been keeping an eye on it, thinking that it would be a good place for lions or other cats to hide from the fire and perhaps stage an ambush, although they had kept going because it would also be a good place from which to see what was ahead. What they had not expected was for the hill to stand up and shake itself before striding towards them.

The flames cowered away from the fur of what could only be the Cat Boss, refusing to approach any more than a civilian would approach the Hokage unasked. Hazō paled.

OH GOD OH FUCK

eaglejarl said:
The cat sauntered up and stopped a few dozen yards in front of them—which, given its size, was a comfortable conversational distance. It sat down and began washing one paw delicately, then rubbing across his (her? its?) ears to remove imagined flecks of soot. Its fur was tawny, matching the color of the tall grass that covered the plains—all except for white 'socks' on each foot, covering the paws and shins. Hazō could just make out curving claws hidden between the toes; he had the feeling that when extended those would be larger than himself.

FUCK

eaglejarl said:
Canabisu cleared his throat and stepped forward. "Good afternoon," he said, almost completely masking the quaver in his voice. "I am Canabisu, ambassador of the Dog Clan. Our Territory is on the far side of Bear and we are journeying west in search of the Arachnid Clan. By what name or title may I have the privilege of addressing you?"

The Cat Boss smiled, showing far too many needle-pointed teeth the size of Hazō's arm.

"I am Nekkar," the Boss said. "I note that my territory is on fire."

"Yes," Canabisu said. "Very regrettable. For our part, we've been doing our best to stay clear of the flames as we traveled, but we've been watching for survivors or anyone in need of aid. I hope no one has been hurt?"

That's an interesting way to spin it lamo. Plz don't kill us.

eaglejarl said:
Nekkar chuckled, a nigh-subsonic booming that Hazō could almost feel in his chest. "If they have then they deserve it for their weakness."

A little of the 'ready for utterly hopeless combat' tension went out of Hazō, to be replaced with a complicated mixture of confusion and disgust at a leader who would visibly care so little for their clan.

Me too Hazou, fuck this guy(?).

eaglejarl said:
"My attitude bothers you, two-legs?"

"No, sir...uh...ma'am...um..."

"Are you actually confused about my gender?"

"Um..."

Open mouth, insert foot

eaglejarl said:
"Please excuse him," Canabisu hurried to add. "He's a human and he comes from another world entirely unlike ours. He has had very limited contact with people, most especially with the varied and mighty Feline Clan. No insult was intended."

"Hmmmmm..." The Cat Boss trailed off, eyeing Hazō the way Fifi often eyed a half-dead vole that she had dragged in from the garden and wasn't sure if she felt like torturing further as opposed to taking a nap. Hazō could feel himself sweating despite the moderate temperatures and the gentle breeze on his neck.

This is some brilliant imagery, love it

eaglejarl said:
"I suppose it shall need to remain a mystery," Nekkar said at last, smiling wider. "Be aware, human, that calling a Feline something that they are not is a great offense. We are what we are and no less. To call someone by a different name, or by a descriptor unearned, is how one goes about issuing a challenge."

"We appreciate your forbearance," Canabisu said, nodding his head gratefully. "We—"

"No, no. Let the human speak."

"Um...yes, great Nekkar. Thank you for—" Canabisu coughed and shook his head minutely, eyes wide in fear. "—your forbearance," Hazō finished. It had to be safe if Canabisu had used it, right?

"Indeed. So. The five of you have been crossing our territory since Bear?"

Whew, honestly I thought Boss summons were Kage rank, but I'm getting the vibe they're a step above that. Hmmmm maybe not compared to Jiraiya, but certainly at least S-Rank.

eaglejarl said:
"Yes, great Nekkar," Canabisu said. "We mean no harm and will depart as quickly as we can."

"I note that you did not approach me for permission first." Something in the giant cat's words carried the image of faintly-rustling grasses that concealed sword-sharp claws and bloody jaws, of the terror of the night and foes unseen.

"With all respect, Nekkar, we had no way to reach you."

Spinning it pretty hard here Canabisu

eaglejarl said:
"You could have spoken to any of my children. They could have brought you here to me, where you could have made appropriate tender and polite request."

"Your children were not terribly communicative, great one."

"Oh? Do tell?"

Canabisu hesitated. "We were attacked shortly after entering the Feline Territory. First by lynxes, later by lions."

"I see. I take it you killed my children?"

That seems like a loaded question

eaglejarl said:
Canabisu sighed. "Great one, is it necessary to play these games?"

A head the size of a hut tipped to the side in what, on a more normal cat, would have been an adorable and utterly unfelt confusion. "Why, Canabisu, whatever do you mean?"

"You are the leader of the Feline Clan, great one. I feel certain that you know everything that happens in your Territory, much as our Alpha knows everything that happens in Dog Territory. You are more than capable of killing us all. Do you intend to do that and, if not, what is your intent here?"

"Murrr...so fierce, little dog. I thought you were an envoy, a diplomat. Shouldn't you be offering me honeyed words and playing for time as you look for points of leverage? Ways to calm the righteous fury that no doubt burns in my heart at the callous way you butchered my young ones?"

"There is no such anger, great one. One of the first things you said to us was that if any of your clan had been harmed by the fire then 'they deserved it for their weakness.' Your children attacked from stealth and we killed them regardless. They were weaker, we were stronger."

I fucking hate talking to S-Rankers, most of them act like selfish immature children, regardless of age. See Itachi, or even Jiraiya when he was pissed off, and I liked Jiraiya. But say the wrong thing and they'll just kill you.

eaglejarl said:
"Yeah!" Cantelabra said. "You people su—"

That was as far as he got before Hazō grabbed him and yanked the mask off the puppy's face so that he could clamp his muzzle shut. The little puppy wiggled and struggled in Hazō's grip but Hazō pulled him tight against his chest and held him there firmly.

"One of your young, I take it?"

"Indeed," Canabisu said. "Young and very foolish."

"What do you suppose he was about to say? I would be very curious to know."

"Mph mmrph mmmph!"

Sigh, see previous statement.

eaglejarl said:
"I imagine it was something along the lines of 'your people certainly were not as strong as us'. Very foolish indeed." He paused. "I should note that the lions who attacked us were, to the best of my ability to judge, quite young. It was hardly a representative test of the strength of Feline versus Dog. The young are by their nature impulsive and inexperienced. I feel certain that is the reason why they did not offer us the opportunity to come to you and request permission for our voyage."

Honestly, mad respect for Canabisu, dude's good at his job.

eaglejarl said:
Hazō was frantically running through a mental list of what he had in his storage seals, desperately hoping to find an appropriate offering. He cursed himself in retrospect; he should have known that they would meet the Cat Boss—no, the Feline Boss!—at some point. He could have had massive portions of unusual foods, or giant balls of string, or entire bales of catnip. A macerated chakra buffalo might have been a good choice; it was one of Fifi's favorite non-hunted meals.

Why didn't we do this? IRRC It was suggested multiple times in the thread. I feel like there's a disconnect between what we discuss and what gets voted in.

eaglejarl said:
"Tell me, little dog, why are you traveling across my land in search of the Arachnid Clan? What business could you have with creatures so strange and so far off?"

"One of them washed up on our shores. They mentioned something about the 'Eaters'. Such things are children's stories, used to scare noisy little puppies into being quiet." He shot the still-struggling Cantelabra a quelling glare and the puppy wilted, going slack in Hazō's grip. Hazō didn't put him down but he slightly eased his grip on the puppy's muzzle.

"Still," Canabisu continued, "the Arachnid are also children's stories. If one myth can prove to be real, why not two? Our Alpha felt that it would be good to investigate, if only to see if there might be an actual threat."

This makes me legitimately curious as to what the children's stories concerning the Eaters are. Maybe we'll get the chance to ask next plan.

eaglejarl said:
Nekkar started laughing. The laughter went on, starting low and getting steadily higher.

"You think the Eaters are the threat?" Nekkar finally asked. "Oh, little dog..." The Cat Boss shook their head. "This is far too amusing. Very well, I shall leave you to your travels." Nekkar stood up and stretched.

Hear me out, what if you just told us what was going on? Like seriously please tell us.

eaglejarl said:
"Great one," Hazō said, "if I may ask...are we likely to meet more of your children? If so, how would you like us to handle it?"

Nekkar snorted. "I'm hardly going to herd them out of your way, now am I?"

The Cat Boss turned and walked away, tail flirting as their body thinned into heat shimmer and vanished.

"That wasn't an answer," Hazō grumbled.

So we have tacit approval to kill them if they attack us? This dude(?) is hard to read.

eaglejarl said:
Canabisu sighed and lay down, a shiver traveling down his body as tension finally released.

"I think we should sit for a bit," he said. "I definitely need a break." His saddlebag flipped open and a small paper packet floated out.

Me too bro, me too

eaglejarl said:
They traveled the rest of the day and slept on a skytower a mile in the air. In the morning Hazō woke up to the rising sun splashing across his face. He grunted and rubbed his eyes, then looked blearily around to find the rest of the party sitting near the edge of the platform. Cantelabra was sandwiched between Cangue and Canaut and the larger dog had a paw in front of the puppy to prevent him getting close to the edge. The younger dog was visibly unhappy about this but had managed to squinch himself enough to see around the paw.

I just really like dogs, this is a beautiful image.

eaglejarl said:
Cangue glanced back to see Hazō stirring. "Good morning, lazybones. About time you woke up."

"Cut me some slack, Cangue. It's barely dawn."

"How can you not want to be awake for this?!"

Hazō looked vaguely around. "For what?"

The tall dog looked down at Canabisu in exasperation.

"She means that the view is truly lovely," Canabisu explained. "She's surprised that you wouldn't want to see it."

I guess you get desensitized to these things after a while.

eaglejarl said:
"Huh? Oh." Hazō looked over towards where the sun's treacle fingers were petting leagues and leagues of prairie. The prairie flowed in shades of yellow and gold with small spots of greenery here and there, a living carpet from horizon to horizon. A large river and many springs wound back and forth, long ribbons of sapphire and emerald around which congregated tens of thousands of wildebeest and other animals. It was, indeed, a beautiful sight.

This is some seriously beautiful imagery again. I like it a lot.

eaglejarl said:
Of course, it was no more beautiful than the sun rising across Gaikotsu Bay, the Kaizoku Sea, the Swamp of Not-As-Deathy-As-When-I-Was-A-Genin, or any of the other places that the team had spent the night atop a skytower. They had traveled a thousand miles from Snow to the southern isles without ever touching the ground, miles and miles of gray-green waves reduced to a flat sheet of grooved steel below. The forests of Fire Country had been an ocean of greenery with open areas for human settlements, tiny sparks of bonfires and columns of smoke rising into the sky. The dry soil and rolling sands of Wind Country, the marshes of Honey...after a time it simply became background noise.

"I suppose it is." He stood up and stepped to the edge so that he could look down.

Damn Hazou, all jaded at the tender age of 15.

eaglejarl said:
"The fires went out," Canaut noted. "We'll want to watch out for ambushes again."

Hazō tossed a trio of wooden disks off the platform. Several seconds later they touched the ground and bloomed into tiny red sparks which rapidly spread across the tall, dry grasses.

"I wouldn't sweat it," Hazō said, covering his mouth halfway through a jaw-cracking yawn. "I need to pop back to the Human Path to check in. What do you guys want for breakfast?"

It's damn convenient being literally one minute away from resupply and a logistics hub. I can see how useful that would be to the Dogs for waging war. No more supply lines. Hmmmm, maybe not, I don't know how much supply lines matter to ninja. Logistics is like 80+% of war IRL but with superfast wizards I can see how it matters less.

eaglejarl said:
"Good morning, My Lord."

"Morning, Gaku. How's it going?" He yawned. "Sorry. Yesterday was a little stressful."

"Quite all right, My Lord. There is oatmeal with cream and honey in the seal to your left."

"It's not from that last batch, is it? Someone needs to tell Ichiro that cloves are not a vegetable."

"No, My Lord. Fresh this morning, and quite tasty."

"Cool, thanks." He unsealed the oatmeal and dug in. "So," he said, gesturing with his spoon, "what's going on? How's the investigation going? How about those favors Ami gave us—or just updates from her in general? Have any clans tried to advance on our holdings or taken action immediately after the bank run? If so, what? We should look into that if we have time. Oh, and—" He caught himself and shook his head. "Sorry. I'm having some head monkeys."

"Quite all right, sir." Gaku shuffled through his papers as an excuse to buy himself a few moments of thought. "The investigation is making some progress. Lord Haru discovered that the Hyūga were stockpiling our scrip over the course of a few weeks before the run but have found few cases of them spending it in large amounts. Approximately a week beforehand the Hagoromo started spending nothing but our scrip and the Hyūga stopped collecting it."

This is literally me after an update, I feel you Hazou.

eaglejarl said:
Hazō raised an eyebrow. "Where did Haru hear all that?"

"He was vague about his sources, My Lord. Would you like me to pressure him?"

"Nah, it's fine. He can have secrets if he wants. For now, anyway. Compartmentalization isn't necessarily bad." He thought about that. "Actually...hm. Let me think on it. There might be some political concerns about the Clan Head not knowing what's going on, and it could raise his wagon factor too high."

"...'Wagon factor', sir?"

Hazō chuckled. "Yeah, it's the measure of how many things would go to Naraka if that person got run over by a wagon and died."

"Ah, I see. Very droll, sir."

Hazō rolled his eyes. "Right. Anyway, I might make an issue of it later but Haru probably wants to feel like he has some ongoing value. For now he can have his secrets although I might change that tomorrow after I've thought about it more. Anyway, the Hagoromo were spending nothing but our scrip?"

"Yes, My Lord. For approximately a week before the bank run. We even found two records of them buying gold with it. Several million ryō worth of gold, all with scrip. From two separate goldsmiths. We have no record of them exchanging any of it with us."

"Hm. That's not at all suspicious."

"Indeed."

He thought about it for a moment. "It's not conclusive. I need something I can take to Asuma. Keep digging."

"Yes, My Lord."

Hard agree, maybe we should get some Hyuga civvies drunk or something. Too bad Mari is gone, she'd snap their OPSEC like a twig.

eaglejarl said:
"Moving on, how is Kagome-sensei coming on that research project?"

"He has been unable to work on it for the last few days, My Lord. One of his advanced students...Jinno, I think? Yes, Jinno. Lord Kagome is working with him on his first actual research project and they are close to a breakthrough." He looked down at his notes. "It's a...hm. A 'third-chord thermal activation chronostatic bilateral Tanaka projection'." He frowned and shook his head before dropping the paper on his lap and looking expectantly at Hazō.

"It's a low-powered explosive activated by heat and it goes off three seconds after being triggered, meaning it doesn't have the adjustable trigger that most seals do. A good first research project." He pursed his lips in thought. "If Kagome-sensei is already letting Jinno do original research the guy must be seriously talented."

"I gather that all of them have been working hard, My Lord."

Wow, our seal farm is already doing research! Do we need to adopt them or something?

eaglejarl said:
"I'd imagine." He shook his head in amusement. "Okay, what else? What about the favors from Ami?"

"Lady Akane traded them to the Nara, who are currently putting together several reports for her. I haven't been given the details yet, I'm afraid. Right now she's in meetings with the Inuzuka. She sends her apologies for missing you, but she's been trying to get this meeting for days and this was the only slot they had available before Friday."

"It's fine," he said, smiling to cover the stab of sadness at not seeing her. The report to Cannai was complete and Hazō needed to get back to the Seventh Path in the next few minutes. He was already feeling guilty about this stealing this time with Gaku to get reports on the clan's business.

Aww

eaglejarl said:
"Regarding your earlier question, My Lord: No, there have been no attempts on our holdings, although other clans have been rather standoffish. Not the Nara or their block—they have been quite open and friendly—but the rest of the clans. Well, aside from the Sarutobi. At Lady Akane's suggestion I approached their steward about a joint business venture into paper making. They were welcoming, open to the idea, and have been following up. No one else has approached us and requests for meetings have been put off. Always with a reasonable excuse but it's become a pattern. The meeting with the Inuzuka was the first break in the wall."

"Hm. Probably waiting to see what we do after the bank run and they don't want to get dragged in."

"I believe, My Lord, that we may have alarmed some people with our reaction to the Hagoromo's earlier insult against Lady Keiko."

Hazō grinned with teeth. "Good."

I'm not sure this is a good thing. But it's good to hear that the Sarutobi are friendly. As long as we have Asuma's backing we're good. I'd be a lot more worried if we were out of favor there. I think we're still thought of as a headache, but ultimately worth it.

eaglejarl said:
"Indeed, sir. Lady Akane has handled all of the day-to-day affairs so I have nothing urgent for you. The skyslider project continues and is making incremental progress. The team have discovered a ritual which convinces the spirits to bear the sliders somewhat farther and somewhat straighter before sending them spinning into the ground." He checked his notes. "Apparently it involves two bells and burning some herbs? I'm unclear on the details."

Hazō shrugged. "As long as it works, that's all I care about. How about the koi?"

"They are growing larger and seem in good health."

Hazō sighed and pushed himself to his feet. "Sounds good. Thanks for keeping all the plates spinning, Gaku. I need to get back."

Gaku deserves a raise, speaking of wagon factor geez.

eaglejarl said:
They waited until mid-morning before climbing down so that the ground beneath them would have a chance to cool. Even then, Hazō brought them down on an angle, taking significant extra time in exchange for traveling more distance in the safety of the air.

They walked along, half a mile behind the flame front, and shortly before night they saw it: The border of Cat Territory. On the Human Path the border would have been a line on a map, its position uncertain. Here on the Seventh Path it was clear: There was a river, perhaps a mile wide and halfway across it the sky became a sickly yellow-green that seemed to suck away the light.

Finally! Maybe we'll be able to chat with the local Clan this time.

eaglejarl said:
Thirty yards from the riverbank the ground became sandy enough that the grasses had died out and there was nothing to burn. The team crossed through the last smolders and flickers of flame and walked to the river's edge. They stopped and considered.

The water was wide and surprisingly fast-moving for such a massive expanse, flowing to the south. Hazō bent down and tasted it.

"Salt," he said. "This isn't a river, it's part of the ocean." He looked north and south; the water stretched out of sight in both directions. "Either the continent ends here or this is a massive inlet."

"North, south, or across," Cangue said. "North and south keep us in Cat Territory. The Boss was surprisingly non-aggressive for such a bunch of jerks but I can't help but think some of the littler ones might not like us too much."

Across definitely, we've spent enough time in Cat territory.

eaglejarl said:
"What's that in the water?" Canaut asked, gesturing with his chin.

Hazō looked where the dog was pointing and frowned. What he had assumed to be chop, or perhaps some barely-submerged obstacle, was moving slowly. There were multiple patches like that, scattered over an area a hundred yards long and thirty or forty wide. Whatever was down there was either absolutely enormous or there were a lot of them.

"Would one of you who have the eyes of youth tell me what that brown smudge on the opposite bank is?" Canabisu asked.

Hazō looked where Canabisu indicated but couldn't make it out.

"That," Canaut said, "is a spider. And it's at least as big as the Alpha."

So we see spiders, which was the goal, nice. I thought we'd have at least another territory to cross. We need to cross the inlet to talk to them, not so nice. Waterwalking would leave us vulnerable to whatever is lurking in the water, probably Sharks. Let's go ask them for safe passage. If they refuse for whatever reason, explosives work really well underwater.

faflec · Mar 22, 2021

Partial Dog Plan, I'm lazy.
Word Count: ZZZ

Canabisu:
- Are the bodies in the water Sharks? How should we proceed diplomatically (or otherwise)? What about the Arachnids?
  - We have offerings of Human Path meats, and can get more if needed.
  - If we can't use diplomacy, we could use Skytowers to slowly make our way across the ocean.
  - If we have to fight, we can toss out extraordinary amounts of waterproofed explosives against the Sharks. Maybe bait them by sending out an Earth Clone?

Sir Stompy · Mar 22, 2021

faflec said:
Maybe bait them by sending out an Earth Clone

Can't make an Earth Clone on a skytower right? Or does it work like MEW and come out as a chakra construct?

RandomOTP · Mar 22, 2021

Omake
The Shadowed Strings that Bind

Shikamaru knew terror. He, as the firstborn son to the Clan Head of the Nara Clan, was well acquainted with terror. From his father's knee, Shikamaru was raised upon the true stories of the world. Other clans might recite half-forgotten embellishments about the Sage and his Victories, but not the Nara –and definitely not Shikaku. Forewarned is forearmed, after all. And so Shikamaru had been raised upon singsong warnings of the Sealed Horrors and the Chained Cataclysm, had fallen asleep to lullabies about the Empty Splinters of Discord.

Such terror only grew when Shikamaru became Clan Head, and the full secrets of the Nara Library were opened to him. The Nara Annals –isolated away from the Nara Library, and only brought out but once for each new Clan Head –were full of forbidden histories. Of battles that never-were, of wars that had almost-been. There were handwritten accounts –in glowing, flowing script that burned itself into his memory the more he read –of eldritch beings from beyond the Void, of existential threats whose very being threatened the world –not because of maliciousness, but rather, simply because that which they were composed of was simply too… antithetical to the very foundational stones that their world lay upon.

And it was through this terror that Shikamaru became well acquainted with frustration. He knew what it was to work against the futile end, trying to stop the ceaseless beat of the tides of time with just his bare hands. He knew what it was to be aware of the True Threats, of the ones Not Spoken. He knew what it was to listen to the Clan Heads of Leaf bicker about taxes and petty slights, about perceived insults and juvenile wrongs. He knew the burning frustration that came with forcing his clan to aid the Tower in herding this errant mob of cats away from their own destruction.

There were times when he wanted to grab certain clan heads by their lapels, shove their face in the worst parts of the Nara Annals –the visions of such dark pandemonium that they haunted Shikamaru's worst nightmares, casting a deep shadow over even his brightest of days –and force them to read it. To understand it. Shikamaru wanted to force enlightenment upon these small-minded children. To force them to acknowledge that their world was fraying apart and that their foolish, irrational whims were but ash in the wind.

But Goketsu Hazou presented an interesting notion. Where the Nara saw only a futile, Sisyphean war that must be fought until the end, Hazou saw only an obstacle. Where the Nara saw the ultimate and inevitable end, Hazou saw a challenge, a dare.

Hazou had seen glimpses of the True Threats, Shikamaru suspected. But he was careful, oh so careful, never to ask after the specifics. Because such knowledge would impel action, such insight would incur obligation to act. The Five have their duty, and this duty supersedes all things. So Nara Shikamaru was always careful not to ask for specifics, always mindful of his own thoughts, lest he accidentally ponder Hazou's levels of insight.

But where the Nara dreamt of staving off the Gnawing Void for as long as possible, Hazou seemed to dream of conquering it –succeeding where even the Sage had not. Hazou dreamt of dragging humanity into the light, and seemed to be convinced he could keep his humanity in the process.

It was a childish notion.

It was a naïve notion.

It was an insane notion that Shikamaru desperately hoped –in the quiet corners of his mind, walled away by a thousand different layers of doublethink –would prove true, even if he couldn't support it directly.

Eisenhelm · Mar 22, 2021

I wonder if all suicide techniques are failures that someone happened to recover from a jutsu hacker last notes.

faflec · Mar 22, 2021

Eisenhelm said:
I wonder if all suicide techniques are failures that someone happened to recover from a jutsu hacker last notes.

One more reason to adopt Noda!

Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

gran dutch of douchery

gran dutch of douchery