Alas, I just realized that despite healing our Consequence and being able to seal research with a lower chance of breaking reality again, we're really too busy for that for a little while. Oh well, I'll just have to be content with us (hopefully) making a summoning contract and starting to FOOM for the time being. What a hard life.
"Not at all, not at all," Kenta said, nervously cataloging everything in the house to see if somehow it might be objectionable to the terrifying bogeymen who guarded the lord and master of Leaf. His tobacco had been grown in the Land of Rivers; would he be considered a traitor for not buying domestic?
The proctor lazily turned his head to look at her. He was chewing something—tobacco, perhaps—and his jaws continued their bovine mastication even as he considered Ino's captive body.
Hazō was unsure how long he stood gaping, but Kagome's twitching finally jolted him out of his trance. He looked around to see the rest of the team shaking off the wonder as well. Off to the side stood Team Asuma; the jōnin wore a tiny smile, from the corner of which dangled his trademark cigarette. The three genin varied between amused (Yamanaka), bored (Nara), and relaxed (Akimichi).
It's typically inhaled. Ingestion is not recommended, but you don't know whether that's because of undesirable effects like excessive potency or impaired coordination, or because of undesirable effects like uncontrollable vomiting or death. Typical users just know not to do it, so it's hard to obtain information on what would happen if they did.
Alas, I just realized that despite healing our Consequence and being able to seal research with a lower chance of breaking reality again, we're really too busy for that for a little while. Oh well, I'll just have to be content with us (hopefully) making a summoning contract and starting to FOOM for the time being. What a hard life.
I honestly think that one of the first things we tackle should be making a new barrel for Noburi. With all the different seals we have --and whatever we can steal from Yasuji --we should be able to have enough data points to put something together, especially if we decide to bring in non-Goketsu sealmasters.
I was thinking about the clanless sealmasters that we've trained up. We have some influence over them due to all of the good that we've been doing on top of training them up and giving them a very marketable skill. So, provided that Kagome thinks they can be trusted, we could bring them in. Maybe sign a contract with them saying that we'll adopt them into the clan --thus more sealmasters to aid with our projects --as soon as we have the slots, if they agree to help with [x] amount of our projects per year and maintain op sec.
I'd also recommend the Nara sealmasters --but only after a great amount of work has been done to tone down the clan-rivalry that's inherent within Leaf's politics. The Nara are closely bound to the Goketsu, they know the value of secrets, and they're unlikely to betray us. But I still think we should do a few joint projects with them (such as the kunai-seal one, since they're going to be working on duplicating/refining it anyway) to help ease them into it.
Although, now that I type this out, I realize that Noburi's barrel (if it has planned obsolescence at all) is going to be viable for a few years, so we have the luxury of making this a multi-year project... rather than an anxiety-fueled, panicked patchwork project where we need to get it done ASAP. So we could bring in the Nara sealmasters later on, if we need more hands on deck, and if we bring the rivalries down.
Of course, it might very well be that the Wakahisa clan is bluffing this entire thing and that their elders spread this rumor to keep control of their bloodline users. Like Kagome said, planned obsolescence in sealing is theoretically possible, but it would be very dangerous and complicated to pull off --never mind the fact that the seal is interacting with a bloodline, adding untold complications on top of all that. It would be far easier to just spread a lie and maintain it by developing minor variations of the same barrel seals, and then cycling them out as people age and retire/die. Missing nin usually have a short lifespan, so it's not illogical to assume that Noburi could very well be the first Vampiric Dew user who's lived outside of Mist for longer than... say, 6 months?
I honestly think that one of the first things we tackle should be making a new barrel for Noburi. With all the different seals we have --and whatever we can steal from Yasuji --we should be able to have enough data points to put something together, especially if we decide to bring in non-Goketsu sealmasters.
I was thinking about the clanless sealmasters that we've trained up. We have some influence over them due to all of the good that we've been doing on top of training them up and giving them a very marketable skill. So, provided that Kagome thinks they can be trusted, we could bring them in. Maybe sign a contract with them saying that we'll adopt them into the clan --thus more sealmasters to aid with our projects --as soon as we have the slots, if they agree to help with [x] amount of our projects per year and maintain op sec.
Being 'clanless' in name only isn't really an indication that they are not Goketsu. We adopted the civilians because there were no 'financial' benefit, not one that's recognized anyway.
Yeah but if you did that, we'd probably have to work out if cannibalism refers to consuming other sophonts or just those of your own species, and that sounds messy.
May 20, 1069. Two weeks prior to Keiko's birthday.
It seemed...not unremarkable, but certainly not portentous.
A scroll three feet long and a foot thick when wound up. Unusual, certainly, but not frightening. Sure, the umbilicus was utterly unlike any substance he'd ever seen, smooth and a dark grey that was not wood or stone or metal or anything else familiar. Sure, the writing surface was not papyrus or vellum or paper or any other substance he knew, although it looked more like some kind of skin than anything plant-derived. And sure, the kanji on the outside were written in an ancient style that he could not read, aside from three that might have been 'danger', 'blood', and 'beyond'.
Still, Noburi found himself wondering why such an apparently unremarkable object, sitting two armslengths away atop a granite pedestal that Hazō had created at the back of the Gōketsu estate, should cause such existential dread. Why did the sight of it rivet his attention? Why did placing his hand on it raise up every hair on his skin? Why did icy shivers pass up and down his spine when he unrolled it and looked at the names, each one written in the lifeblood of a powerful ninja, all of whom formed an unbroken chain that, according to a simple bit of math, probably stretched back to before the Sage gave the world chakra, which made the whole thing impossible? Why had Asuma ordered him to never allow the Scroll to be unrolled back far enough to see the first name, much less the actual writing on the scroll?
Oh, right. Item of legend that embodies travel between the space between dimensions, into which I will be binding my blood, my chakra, and possibly my soul.
Yeah, that might do it.
"Do not worry, Noburi," Keiko said. "Your psyche is far stronger than my own. If I managed to survive the signing ceremony and subsequent transportation to the Seventh Path without having my mind ripped apart or my soul scattered across the aetheric winds where it would have screamed in torment for eternity, you should have no trouble."
"Not helping," he muttered.
"You got this, Noburi," Hazō said. "We've got your back."
"You have been an excellent student," Asuma said reassuringly. "You have mastered everything I had to teach, and even Enma grumpily admitted that you were ready."
"Hey!" the Monkey Boss snapped. "I said no such thing! I said that he'll probably either pull it off or die instantly instead of being reduced to a drooling husk who lingers on, a burden to his family and friends, for decades."
Asuma snorted. "Please. You're a jerk and you've always been a jerk. You meant that he was ready, you were just being what you consistently and mistakenly consider 'funny'."
"Kids these days," Enma muttered. "No respect for their elders." He reached out an inhumanly long arm and poked Noburi's shoulder. "Go on, punk. You're not the worst student that I've ever had so stop wittering and get to it. Also, hurry up. I've got a poetry reading to get to, and it's Makakajosei performing. Her readings are always packed and I need to hurry if I want good seats."
"Truly, Noburi," Akane said, "I know you are not a believer in Youth, but you are filled with it. I think it's funny that you would even consider the idea that you might fail. You are smart, and strong, and brave, and I'm proud of you."
"She's right," Mari said, smiling. "You will succeed at this, Noburi. Over the last two years you have grown more than anyone I've ever met. Your strength, your courage, and your skills are more than sufficient. I have complete confidence." She leaned in so she could kiss him on the cheek. "Now, as Enma said, move it along."
"You got this," Kagome said, his eyes flickering nervously around the circle of well-wishers and the open section of the Gōketsu estate on which they stood. He had spent all of yesterday preparing the ground and had gone over it again this morning and again five minutes before everyone else gathered. The sealmaster was incredibly uncomfortable around Asuma and Enma, yet when Noburi had told him that it was okay if he skipped the ceremony Kagome had looked at him as though he were a complete idiot. For three long seconds he had said nothing, then he merely hmphed angrily and stomped off to his room to gather more explosives than a human being should be able to lift.
Noburi chuckled to himself, shook his head ruefully, and stepped up to the table. He took a steadying breath and put his hand on the scroll, paused for a moment, took another breath, and then unrolled it. As always, the hundreds of whispering voices relating the stories of their deaths were undoubtedly in his head and in no way real.
"Noburi, remember what Kagome said," Keiko said quietly. "You have got this."
He chuckled and picked up the obsidian blade that lay ready for him. With a quick jerk he slashed open his wrist until the blood pulsed forth, then dipped his forefinger in it and quickly scrawled his signature below the last name on the list: 'Jiraiya of the Sarutobi school'.
Pain split his head as the universe shrieked in his ear yet left everyone else in the area untouched. A cold feeling spiked through him, the sensation of of amphibian claws reaching into his hara and gripping the narrow thread of chakra that dwelled there. The miniscule thread that was his by nature, not the caged tsunami he wore on his back.
Fortunately, his training in what to expect had been thorough. Even as his blood touched the Scroll he was frantically yanking chakra out of his barrel and pouring it through that tiny flow behind his hara, thickening and strengthening it as fast as he could.
The claws tightened and pulled like a man climbing a rope as something clambered up from the Seventh Path, through the boundless non-space between worlds, and descended into the reality that was all Noburi had ever known. He braced his feet and kept the chakra flow steady, hardening it into an immovable bar that would neither bend nor break before the metaphoric strength of other realities forcing his own apart.
The poof of orange smoke cleared, revealing a toad that came to Noburi's waist while squatting down but easily outmassed him.
"Heya!" the thing said. Its voice was higher and more feminine than he had expected. "Have you been taking those stimulants again, Jiraiya? Your chakra feels all wei—whoa! You aren't Jiraiya!"
Noburi bowed deeply in order to buy himself a moment to clear the lump from his throat. "No. I'm sorry, but Jiraiya is dead. He died at the Battle of Nagi Island. I am his adopted son, Gōketsu Noburi. I have signed the Scroll in order to carry on his legacy."
The toad ducked her (?) head and lay a webbed hand across her eyes in a gesture that Asuma, Lady Tsunade, and Enma had all assured him was used to ward off evil and not to express disgusted irritation.
"I see," she said eventually, sitting up and studying him. "There were rumors, and the Sages have been short-tempered and withdrawn for months, but there has been no announcement. So. Here we are, then." She eyed him frankly and her bactrian lips turned down. "His son, you said?"
"Adopted, yes. I recognize that I am the farthest thing from a fit replacement for him but if there is some small way that I can be useful to the Toad Clan then I wish to try. It is one of the few ways that I can directly honor his memory."
Toad Docent, Empathy (Preliminary assessment of Noburi to see if he's even worth taking back to the Seventh Path): ?
Noburi, Rapport (show himself to be worthy): 24 + 3 (tag "I Studied for This", an Aspect created by his trainers) + 3 (invoke: "Zone of Friendship") + 3 (invoke "The Hokage Was my New Dad") + 3 (invoke "Team Uplift" due to the moral support of his family) + 0 (dice): 36
The Docent is far from Taken Out, but she's not willing to actively obstruct his application.
+1FP for social victory!
"Hmph," she said, sniffing disapprovingly. "Very well. I suppose Boss will at least want to hear the story of Lord Jiraiya's death."
She leaped, going from motionless to moving so fast that he had no time to react. Kagome shouted in alarm and raised his hand, but the toad had already struck Noburi in the chest and wrapped all four limbs around him. She weighed at least two hundred pounds; he staggered backwards and fell, the world becoming a shrieking maelstrom of destruction as he dropped...
...and then he was collapsing on a grassy hill as his rider's back legs slammed into his belly and propelled her forward in another leap that drove all the air out of him.
"Come along then," she called over her shoulder, bounding off in short hops that were clearly the Toad version of a brisk walk.
His lungs weren't working from where she'd kicked him and for several seconds all that he could think about was sucking in a breath. When he eventually got himself under control he scrambled upright and hurried up the hill after her.
o-o-o-o
"...and today I was finally ready," Noburi concluded. He bowed to each member of his audience, then stepped back and knelt down, awaiting their judgement and trying not to look nervous.
Gamabunta, Boss of the Toad Clan. Taller and wider than the towering Gōketsu granite home. His skin was faded-brick red except where his tattoos turned it the color of human blood. He had an ivory pipe clamped between his massive jaws and was puffing away in what was clearly not-so-suppressed anger.
Fukasaku and Shima, the Two Great Toad Sages. The size of human toddlers, their movements stiff and more than a trace of age's cracks in their voice. Fukasaku's eyebrows were snow white and so massive that they trailed off the sides of his head. An equally snowy spike of hair thrust up from the rear of his head and his goatee had been so carefully shaped and waxed that it was probably able to function as a weapon. His wife, Shima, had a full head of bushy purple hair and her lips were painted equally purple. Unlike Gamabunta, both of the Sages wore gray robes that completely shrouded their bodies.
Based on what Jiraiya had said, these were three of the most powerful entities on the Seventh Path, the tiny Sages no less so than the massive Gamabunta. Of course, the Founding Lord of Clan Gōketsu had been known to bend the truth in service of a good tale, but this particular tale had been attested by Lady Tsunade, Asuma, and even Enma. (Granted, Enma had been very clear about the fact that none of the three were as powerful as he was.) It was entirely reasonable to believe that Gamabunta and the Two Great Toad Sages really were as powerful as Jiraiya had claimed.
Which was just wonderful, since all three of them were furious.
"I told you to have him summon me!" Gamabunta was bellowing, his voice so deep and loud that Noburi could feel it inside his chest. "But NO, the two of you had to go! If you two stupid, selfish little pricks—"
"Don't you take that tone with me, young man!" Shima shouted, one arm emerging from beneath her robes to wave a knobbly cane at him. "You know perfectly well that we were the right tool for the job, and you had that skirmish with the Capybaras!"
"Listen, you puny—"
"Don't you call my wife puny, mister!" Fukasaku shouted, glaring at the Toad Boss. "I will not accept that sort of disrespect from a boy I taught his kanji to!"
"I AM THE TOAD BOSS! YOU WILL NOT SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT OR—"
"I WILL SPEAK TO YOU ANY WAY I SEE FIT! YOU MAY BE THE BOSS, BUT—"
A shrill screech tore the air and all three of the males winced.
"All right, all right," Shima said, all of the emotion gone and leaving her age-wavery voice tired. "That's enough, both of you. We all miss little Jirry, but we still need to deal with his boy, and this display isn't the way to make a good first impression."
Six bulging eyes pinned Noburi beneath their gaze.
"So. Of all the ninja in Leaf, you are what they send us." Gamabunta's voice was very definitely not happy.
"Yes sir."
"A child."
"Sir, with respect, I am Jiraiya's son. He left the Scroll to me—well, to the family—so that one of us could follow in his footsteps. He could have left it to anyone, but he chose us. People say that he had flaws, but no one ever said that he didn't love Leaf or that he was irresponsible. If—"
Fukasaku snorted. "Jiraiya was ridiculously irresponsible, and a total slacker. The little brat was always running off—"
Shima thwapped him upside the head. "That was when he was a child! Once he grew up a bit he was diligent and you know it, you old fraud!"
"Don't you call me fraud, old woman! That boy was always skiving off and you know it! How often did he actually finish a lesson on the Great Runes? How often—"
"No one wants to sit through your boring old lectures about the Great Runes! Not even me, and for some bizarre reason I'm still married to you!"
"Ahem," Gamabunta rumbled. "As I recall, we were discussing first impressions."
Shima's left hand emerged from within her robes so that it could be waved dismissively. "Oh please. The boy is terrified enough. He knows all the important stuff perfectly well. Don't you, boy?"
Noburi swallowed nervously. A cascade of half-formed thoughts flashed across his mind and an eye-blink internal debate crystallized his answer. "Uh...thank you for your confidence, ma'am. I'd like to think that I know some important things, but I really doubt that it's all of them. I've pursued education as much as possible given my age and career, but I know full well that there are enormous gaps in my knowledge. One of the things I'm hoping to gain from the contract, assuming Boss Gamabunta agrees to accept me as Summoner, would be information and training. Jiraiya may well have been the greatest ninja alive and it's going to take me a long time to grow into his sandals, but I'm determined to work hard at it."
Fukasaku sniffed dismissively. "Couldn't have been the greatest ninja alive if that little paper witch killed him, now could he?"
A webbed hand larger than an oxcart slammed down on Fukasaku, its positioning so precise that it did not even brush against the robes of Shima as she stood next to him.
"Be. Respectful."
Only when the words had hung in the air for a moment did Gamabunta lift his massive hand away.
Where he had struck was a handprint ten inches deep in the grassy earth. Fukasaku, a toad with an unusually upright posture, had been driven into the ground like a nail until only the top half of his white-tufted head was visible. Noburi involuntarily caught his breath; he had no idea what was about to happen but visions of titans at war kept intruding on his thoughts.
Fukasaku spat out some dirt and glared at Gamabunta for a moment before taking a breath that puffed out his cheeks. A pillar of blue energy launched him into the sky, showering dirt everywhere. (Shima casually swiped her hand from left to right and the dirt was deflected away from her by a translucent arc of foxfire light.)
"NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME, YOU LITTLE BRAT!" Fukasaku bellowed, the words starting while he was still in midair and continuing until he touched down. His landing was surprisingly delicate, his plummeting speed slowing drastically as he approached the ground until he landed with no more force than would be had from going down one step of a staircase. "I WILL NOT HAVE THAT SORT OF—"
"Shut it, Pa!" Shima snapped. "You were out of line and you know it. Now stop distracting us. The boy here was telling us what he knows that he thinks is important."
"You're taking his side?! You're seriously going to let that overgrown whippersnapper spike me into the ground and not say a word?"
"I'll do more than spike you into the ground if you don't shut your fat mouth! We can have that discussion later, in private." Her enormous lips tugged wide. "Maybe over that lovely casserole that I put in the oven this morning. It's got mayflies."
Fukasaku's eyes got a little wider. "Ooh. Is it the red sauce?"
"Of course it's the red sauce, you idiot! I was trying to surprise you with a spontaneous gesture of affection! Obviously I used the red sauce!"
"All right, all right! No need to shout. I was just checking. Now, let's get back to the boy."
Six terrifying eyes once more bored into Noburi's soul.
"Well, boy? You were going to tell me what you know that you think might somehow deserve the term 'important'."
"Uhhh..." Noburi forced himself to stop making random hesitation noises and close his mouth. He forced himself to take a breath. He forced himself to take the miniscule drop of calm that the breath gave him and grow it into a tranquil sea at his core.
"Ma'am, I'm very young. I've done my best at my studies but, as I told you, I was a missing-nin for two years before Jiraiya adopted us. For a human of my age I am extremely good at some things—wilderness survival, for example, and how to make acceptable food over a campfire when there's not much more than dirt to work with. I doubt those are things that matter in the slightest to you. I know a few things reasonably well—how to fight, how to get along with people, how to support my family—but I doubt that those are more than common sense to you three. I think, perhaps, that I know a couple of things well enough—that I have a lot to learn. That I should offer respect to my superiors, and my elders. That loyalty is critical—to family, to friends, and to allies. Most of all, I know that Jiraiya would have wanted me or one of my siblings to be his successor. If I'm not good enough for you then I can go back and give the scroll to Akane, or to Hazō, but—"
"To Hazō? To Hazō?!" Shima gaped at him before dissolving into laughter so extreme that she was doubled over clutching her belly.
"—I...uh...I mean... What?!" The word was a bit too strident for this company, but it slipped out before he could catch himself.
"Your brother is the direct cause of thousands of deaths and the destruction of an entire Clan," Gamabunta rumbled. "The Seventh Path was in its eighth decade of mostly peace before he came along. In that entire time, the Pangolins hadn't made a serious effort to press their borders, and the border skirmishes with the Capybaras were more of an annoyance than anything else. Had Hazō not had the idea for these 'skytowers', had he not given them to the Pangolins, the scaly bastards would have stayed where they were instead of going after the Condors and then pushing into Hyena and extracting tribute from the Leopards."
"But...aren't the Toads allies of the Pangolins?"
A massive head nodded. "Of course. What's your point?"
Noburi caught himself before he could keep pulling a Hazō. "I'm sorry, sir. Not my place to question you. I understand your objections to Hazō and if you find me displeasing as a candidate then I will not offer him the Scroll."
"Grow a spine, boy!" Fukasaku snapped. "You had something to say, so say it."
"It was nothing, sir. I don't have the experience or knowledge to speak on this subject, so I think it would be smarter if I kept my mouth shut."
"Ha! Look at that! A human whelp who knows things the Great Sage Fukasaku doesn't!" Shima's grin was so wide it should have split her face.
"Hush your mouth, you old biddy! I know perfectly well not to talk about things I know nothing about, it's just that there's no such subject!"
"Oh, really? Suddenly acquired a whole lot of wisdom about laundry, did you?"
"That was a hundred and eighty years ago! Are you never going to let it go?"
"You ruined my favorite robe!"
"It was your only robe!"
"Meaning that it was obviously my favorite! Ha!"
Fukasaku opened his mouth to respond, hesitated, and deflated. "I got you another one," he grumbled to his wife.
"Sure, by going off and ripping apart that driver ant colony without telling me or even leaving a note. I was worried sick, you inconsiderate old fool!"
"I was fine! Hardly a scratch."
"You were at death's door! I nursed you for weeks—which took me away from all my studies, all my projects—"
Gamabunta cleared his throat. "He had half a dozen bruises, a sore shoulder, and a rash on his tongue."
Shima sniffed dismissively. "There was skin rash as well. And that shoulder never did heal properly."
"It healed fine!"
"Ha! I knew you were sandbagging! You just don't want to play pashda gao with me because I always win! 'Oh, my poor shoulder hurts!' 'Oh, I can't do that because my shoulder hurts!' Hah!"
"That is not—"
"Quiet, both of you!"
Noburi couldn't keep from flinching at the anger in Gamabunta's voice as he shouted down his...chief advisors? Co-rulers? Respected elders? None of Noburi's teachers had been able to clarify what role 'Ma and Pa' Toad—an affectionate name which Tsunade and Asuma both used and stridently warned him away from until he'd earned the privilege—played in Toad society, but it was clear that they were important. The tolerance that the Boss Toad had shown their nattering said a great deal.
"I've heard enough," Gamabunta said. "Whelp, you are not fit to look at Jiraiya's sandals, much less wear them. In no way are you an adequate replacement for him as Summoner. You are a child. You are weak—not even strong enough to win these 'Chūnin Exams' you talked about. Your brother is a warmonger who caused the deaths of many brave Toads. You were a traitor to your family. You—"
"No."
A massive head tilted and the world expanded around Noburi, endless miles of distance spreading in all directions, everything growing larger and moving away, leaving him alone, isolated, shrunken into a meaningless speck in the vastness of uncaring reality.
The sensation blinked away and Noburi collapsed, gasping, to hands and knees.
"Do not take that tone with me."
Noburi fought to catch his breath and keep his voice steady. Keiko had told him about her encounter with Pantsā and the family had speculated that perhaps a test of courage was part of the evaluation. It was a lot easier to discuss that with a cup of tea around the Gōketsu fire than to enact it here and now.
He knew that his arms and legs wouldn't bear his weight, but he was at least able to sit back into seiza and look up to meet Gamabunta's eyes. "Sir. I am many things, but I have never been a traitor and I will not allow you to call me that unchallenged. You can kill me with a swat, I know that. As Mari told me: Killing someone who calls you out on your mistakes only proves that you can't refute their words. And that you don't have the courage to admit you made a mistake."
"And yet, you yourself admitted to being missing-nin. You admitted it twice, in fact. That is almost the definition of treason."
"No sir, it is not. To commit treason I would have needed to voluntarily conspire against my nation—to choose to sell their secrets, disrupt their military power, or disobey my superiors. I was tricked by a man who I respected, who had been lawfully placed in a position of authority over me. I bear no moral responsibility for that. Everything that came after was me being loyal to my remaining in-group and obeying the orders of Mari-sensei or some other person that I had accepted as a superior officer."
"Oh? And I suppose you've given up none of Mist's secrets to your Leaf officers? Have you betrayed your birth family by telling their weaknesses to the enemy, or have you betrayed your adopted family by not revealing their enemies' weaknesses?"
Noburi swallowed, desperately casting around for the answer. He had in fact betrayed the secrets of the koi and of mist drain to Leaf.
"First of all," he began, more to buy time while he figured out what to say than because he had an answer, "...first of all, when I became a Leaf ninja I renounced my citizenship in Mist so it is impossible for me to commit treason against them. Second, Mist and Leaf are allies."
"What's that human expression? 'Splitting hairs'?"
"With respect sir: You weren't there and you have no right to speak to this. I have always made the best choices I could given the time, information, and options available to me. I have strived to do what is right. I've faced my fears, both in battle and otherwise. I've done my best to support those I care about. You are not my father, or my Clan Head, or my Kage. You are perfectly capable of killing me, but you have no right to judge me."
Noburi could not believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. He had never been so pants-wettingly terrified in his life, nor so furious. Everyone, everyone, kept throwing that 'oh, but you were a missing-nin' thing in his face and none of them could say what a better choice would have been. Saying those things to Gamabunta might well get Noburi Hazō'd, but the words felt right. They were true, and they came from a place inside him that would not acknowledge the terror, that would not cower or show its belly simply because Gamabunta could obliterate him with a thought.
"Hm." Gamabunta fell silent, puffing his pipe and studying Noburi. "I suppose the disrespectful little whelp has a point. I have no authority to judge him. I would, if he were the Summoner of my Clan, but I would rather have no Summoner than a useless traitor whose brother is a warmonger. Go home, boy. Go home, and tell Asuma to give our Scroll to someone worthy. If he sends us another candidate like you I will take it out of his hide."
"But—!"
Noburi hesitated one word into the sentence, his finger still upraised...and then sighed as the anger and fear drained out of him, leaving only exhaustion in their wake. "Yes, sir. Thank you for your time." He turned to walk back to where Gamanōdōo waited to take him home.
"Hang on," Fukasaku said.
Noburi paused, looking back over his shoulder at the Sage.
"What is it, Fuka?" Gamabunta asked.
"I dunno about you, but my pipeweed's running a little low," Fukasaku said, producing a carved ivory pipe from inside his robes. His other hand emerged holding a wad of tobacco which he packed very carefully into the bowl and then ignited with a fireball jutsu that momentarily engulfed his head yet left him unharmed.
"You are not seriously suggesting that I accept him as Summoner merely so that you can fetch your pipeweed?" Gamabunta demanded, puffing furiously on his own pipe.
Fukasaku shrugged. "I mean...wouldn't hurt to try him out, right? Sure, we can get it from the Turtles but the caravans don't run in winter and even in summer that's a long hop on foot." He took a hard pull on the pipe, then blew a smoke toad that hopped away and dispersed.
"From what the boy says, Little Oro and Sunny are both back in town," Shima noted thoughtfully, tapping her chin with one long finger. "Plus they're about to have the Summoners for Turtle, Porcupine, and Dog. That's a lot of trade we could do. Pipeweed, wakeleaf, slug jam, driver ants because someone was too dumb to leave a breeding group in the colony—"
"I was a little busy at the time! How was I supposed to know that—"
"—not to mention beer, winterflowers, waterskipper horn, and those lovely silks that Enma's wife makes," Shima blithely continued. "I wouldn't mind seeing her again, but I'm not about to hop that far when I could simply have us both summoned to that lovely cafe off Namikaze Park." He paused as something occurred to her, then looked expectantly at Noburi. "It's been a while since I was in Leaf. That cafe better still be there, boy."
"Uh...I'm sorry, ma'am, I don't know which cafe you mean. Leaf has five different Namikaze Parks. Could you be more specific?"
"It's the one with all the trees and the water feature."
"More specific?"
"The park is curved with three long bits, like Minny's kunai."
"More specific?"
"The cafe was called something like 'The Fried Bird."
"...'The Roasted Swallow', maybe?"
"That was it!"
"More specific?"
Gamabunta chuckled. "You have more than one restaurant named 'The Roasted Swallow' next to a Namikaze Park shaped like one of Minny's kunai?"
"Three of them, sir. Only two on a park with a water feature, though."
"It had a green awning," Shima grumbled.
"Scallops on the edges or straight?"
"Scallops."
"Yes, ma'am, that one survived."
"Wonderful!"
"I'm afraid the head chef didn't, though. He was killed in the Collapse. I remember because the place is near the Hyūga estate and Hinata was upset about it at our latest games night."
"Noooooooo!" Shima shook tiny green fists in anger. "Damnit, I loved their leek soup! Well, I suppose I can find somewhere else."
"If we may get back on topic," said Gamabunta drily, "I see no need to take on a useless spawn as our Summoner merely so that Fuka can get his pipeweed a little faster. For that matter, Asuma's not about to let the Toad Scroll lie fallow for long. He'll find us a decent Summoner soon enough."
"Sure, but that'll take months," Fukasaku argued. "You know these humans—absolutely head-blind when it comes to anything with more than three dimensions and perfectly linear time. Why not let the boy try out while Asuma trains up a proper jōnin? Worst that happens is that we have the brat step down once the new guy is ready. And who knows, maybe there will be another Pasafutsu."
Gamabunta snorted. "One atheistic, non-violent pangolin comes along and six hundred years later you're still invoking his name when you want reality to break." He eyed Noburi with displeasure. "Fine. Congratulations, Gōketsu Noburi, on being accepted as the Summoner of the mighty Toad Clan blah blah blah and so on. Go back to your world and get us two tons of high-quality tobacco and half a ton of wakeleaf. The good stuff that Jiraiya used to provide, not that dirtweed from River. Bring us a signed note from Asuma saying that he's going to train a jōnin to replace you." He raised a tree-trunk finger. "You find the leaves and bring them, boy. Not Asuma. You want to prove your worth, arrange matters yourself. Be back here the day after tomorrow, noon local time, with the note from Asuma and a detailed plan for how you're going to locate what we need and when you'll have it for us."
"Yes sir!" Noburi bowed deeply. "Thank you, sir! I won't let you down."
Author's Note: I'm putting this up now because it's late and I'm out of juice. Hazō's encounter with the Dog Boss will come out tomorrow. XP will be awarded at that time and I will open voting after that half of the chapter is live.
I... don't think Hazou's going to be able to become a summoner. Or, at least, not if the Dogs are of a similar mindset as the Toads. Still, Noburi impressed one of the Elders enough to warrant a chance to prove himself. Now he just has to prove himself to be more than an errand boy. Well, we have a chance, and the devoted minds of a hivemind to throw at the problem... we probably won't fuck this up too horribly. Still, the insight that Summons view "allies" as less "friends" and more "mutual defense pacts" with a dose of "restrained disgust" is a nice insight.
I... don't think Hazou's going to be able to become a summoner. Or, at least, not if the Dogs are of a similar mindset as the Toads. Still, Noburi impressed one of the Elders enough to warrant a chance to prove himself. Now he just has to prove himself to be more than an errand boy. Well, we have a chance, and the devoted minds of a hivemind to throw at the problem... we probably won't fuck this up too horribly. Still, the insight that Summons view "allies" as less "friends" and more "mutual defense pacts" with a dose of "restrained disgust" is a nice insight.
I'd honestly forgotten about that... huh. If we bring it up, we'll get smushed. If we don't bring it up, we'll get smushed when it comes out. Welp. Not bringing it up delays the smushing and gives Noburi a chance to prove himself as a Summoner, rather than an errand boy. So let's go with that.
Side note, seeing Orochimaru referred to as "little Oro" is both amusing and terrifying in that it shows just how above him the elder toads are.
I... don't think Hazou's going to be able to become a summoner. Or, at least, not if the Dogs are of a similar mindset as the Toads. Still, Noburi impressed one of the Elders enough to warrant a chance to prove himself. Now he just has to prove himself to be more than an errand boy. Well, we have a chance, and the devoted minds of a hivemind to throw at the problem... we probably won't fuck this up too horribly. Still, the insight that Summons view "allies" as less "friends" and more "mutual defense pacts" with a dose of "restrained disgust" is a nice insight.
