Urgh, we should have asked J to leave him behind...
Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
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- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard
Urgh, we should have asked J to leave him behind...
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
Yeah.
Well, even if that wasnt the suspicious bit, once Tsunade started telling Kagome to make a trap array worthy of defending against Akatsuki...
Suspiciously specific.
Of course, this could be a red herring and they take the opportunity to nuke Suna and kidnap Gaara.
inb4 Naruto fights his way out, being all badass shounen protagonist, makes his way to Konoha, and no one is there to greet him at the gate because everyone is away doing the exams.
They already got the bijuu they wanted from Leaf. Why would they nuke Leaf when there's still other targets to gather bijuu from?
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
Because Leaf isnt going to just sit around and patiently wait for them to finish their evil master plan?
Dissonance
Luna's Luna
- Location
- Ginnungagap.
- Pronouns
- S/H/T
Inb4 he stumbles in to our clan compound first, finds Akane helping Mari, hijinks ensue, new ship sets sail: The HMS NaruKane.
- Location
- Yes.
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
The HMS Shippuden
*is silently impressed that no one is shipping Naruzou yet*
Tua
鸡肉面条汤
- Location
- شوربة الدجاج المعكرونة
HAZOU: Sir, we should send Hiashi back to Leaf ASAP to prevent a world ending disaster!
JIRAIYA: And how do you know about this? Or how we can stop it, provided you are correct?
HAZOU: OOC information.
JIRAIYA: Oak...? Like Wood Release?
HAZOU: ...yes?
JIRAIYA: And your former clan is also an offshoot of the Uchiha, isn't it? Well, well!
HAZOU: This is not going as planned.
JIRAIYA: Hey, Hiashi! What rhymes with Byakugan?
HIASHI: Please don't speak to me so casually.
JIRAIYA: I'll tell you! Rinnegan. As in: Our clan will have one.
HIASHI: You what.
JIRAIYA: I what, indeed. Not even a clan for half a year and we are already beating the Hyuuga in terms of eye power, Uchiha in terms of members alive, the Nara in terms of energy, the Akimichi in terms of fans and the Minami in terms of not losing members in simple C rank missions. If I knew that anything I touched would turn out so amazingly I would have brought those children in Rain back home with me. But you know how it is, responsibility is for suckers and it's not those kids would matter in the grand scheme anyway.
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Dissonance
Luna's Luna
- Location
- Ginnungagap.
- Pronouns
- S/H/T
SASUKE: (thinking: ) I'm standing right here, Lord Hokage. Why would you say that to my face...?
Dissonance
Luna's Luna
- Location
- Ginnungagap.
- Pronouns
- S/H/T
My sides are in fucking orbit
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
Nah.SASUKE: (thinking: ) I'm standing right here, Lord Hokage. Why would you say that to my face...?
SASUKE: *Hn's softly into the sky*
Tua
鸡肉面条汤
- Location
- شوربة الدجاج المعكرونة
SASUKE: (thinking: ) I'm standing right here, Lord Hokage. Why would you say that to my face...?
Because yes, that was the only offensive thing he said.
SASUKE: (thinking: ) I'm standing right here, Lord Hokage. Why would you say that to my face...?
Jiraiya: You and your clanmember could marry Kurosawa chicks. They're practically your cousins!
HAZOU: Hey, do I still count as--
JIRAIYA: No.
Don't mind me, just keeping Sasuzou alive.
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
Hazou x 15 Female Uchiha Civilians
Sharingan genetics program!
What can go wrong?
Origami Clock
Right twice a day
- Location
- Brighton, UK
...Hazou can't have girl problems if there are no girls involved, can he?
I mean, we already know that Naruto's first kiss was with a cute boy. Now we just need to find a way to make Hazō sufficiently cute.
KAGOME: Just use Henge. Err... I mean...
HAZOU: Great idea! (uses doton to create a stone circle for the cuteifying ritual)
Origami Clock
Right twice a day
- Location
- Brighton, UK
Oh god, I've just realised.
Naruto's jailbait no jutsu has been retconned, which means he has instead retroactively been notorious as a prolific and shockingly convincing transvestite.
- Location
- Yes.
Why are you specifying that it's Naruto's jutsu, didn't everyone have [CENSORED] before the retcon?
Origami Clock
Right twice a day
- Location
- Brighton, UK
Sexy no Jutsu was subtly distinct from the conventional type. I think it was the wisps of censor-fog to keep it from being 2lewd.Why are you specifying that it's Naruto's jutsu, didn't everyone have [CENSORED] before the retcon?
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
Don't be silly. We want him for his chakra capacity, not his body.
It's Sasuke we want for his body.