"Hazō," Keiko said slowly, eyeing him up and down. "Are you feeling all right?"
Hazō turned back from the full-length mirror in which he had been proudly admiring his new clothes.
"I'm great!"
Keiko studied him carefully. "You realize that entering into competition with Yamanaka Ino on her own ground is unwise, yes?"
"...What?"
"Judging by your current...apparel, I can only assume that you are either attempting to become a fashion trendsetter, in which case you are in conflict with Yamanaka Ino who dominates that role in our current peer group, or you have spent too much time around Gai and Lee and are seeking to imitate them in choosing the most ridiculous clothing possible, in which case you are in conflict with me. Which is it?"
Hazō blew an insolent raspberry at her. "Neither. This is my CHAOS suit. Isn't it epic?" He looked down at the new outfit in self-satisfied pleasure.
The so-called CHAOS suit was a ninja uniform with pockets sewn across nearly every inch of its surface. There were a dozen pockets of varying sizes on the chest, the back, the shoulders, and the front and back of all four limbs. About half the pockets had buttons and the rest were made in two parts such that the top part overlapped the bottom and would therefore hold things securely. The utility of this highly pragmatic design was somewhat mitigated by the fact that many of the pockets had a small piece cut out of the center.
"Inasmuch as 'epic' is a mere intensifier without explicit denotation of its own then yes, your clothing is epic. I note, however, that epic stories usually involve a great deal of trauma and death."
"Oh, hush," Hazō said, refusing to let his sister's ongoing wet-blanket nature put a damper on his happiness. "It's great. I can make seals, glue them to a piece of wood for rigidity, and put them in the pockets. The size of the pockets and the holes in them is such that it'll hold the wood backing securely but leave the seal itself exposed so that macerators and directional explosives can fire without anything in the way. Just tap a finger against them and boom! Also, they just organize things better than putting seals in pouches the way I've been doing. I can put a pair of Air Dome seals in the same pocket so that I can get them out and into operation faster. I can make sure I never grab the wrong seal again. It's great."
"I see." She considered that for a moment. "And why do you call it your CHAOS suit?"
"CHūnin-level Armarments and Ordinance Sealtech suit. Awesome, huh?"
"There is indeed some awe involved in my reaction."
"I know! Just wait until you see the KAOS suit—that's with a 'K', not a 'C'. It'll be way cooler."
"Kage-level Armaments and Ordinance Sealtech?"
"Yep!"
"Hm. Well, I...admire your dedication to the arts of destruction."
"I'm going out to test it; want to come along?"
"Thank you, but...." She paused, cocking her head in thought. "You know, yes I would. I feel certain that the outcome will be impressive. In much the same way that Kagome's blending the chowder with explosives was impressive."
"Uh...right. Well, you have to admit, the chowder was delicious. And I'm sure my CHAOS suit won't involve nearly as much cleanup."
o-o-o-o
The results of the testing session had been decidedly filled with pros and cons.
Pro: Kagome-sensei had been tremendously excited when his CHAOS suit was delivered. Hazō had been careful to run everything past him during the design phase, and the older man had had much to say. Actually holding the finished prototype in his hands had him doing the Butt-Wiggle Dance of Joy Expressed (Medium Wiggle), which was fortunately nothing like the Butt-Wiggle Dance of Please Don't Let the Monsters from Beyond Time and Space Notice My Current Seal Experiments, which involved more grunting.
Con: He had insisted on stripping to his boxers in the middle of the training ground and pulling the suit on. No one should be forced to see Kagome-sensei's boxers.
Pro: Hazō was indeed able to fire the chest-mounted macerators (or, as Noburi insisted on calling them, "the nipple guns") while using taijutsu. (Or, at least, while shadow-boxing with a training dummy.)
Con: The ability to hit anything with the ni—the chest-mounted macerators while moving in rapid taijutsu patterns was highly non-trivial.
Pro: It was indeed possible to load one of Kagome-sensei's blast rings with macerators and put it in the nipp—in the upper torso slot, thereby providing a multi-shot capacity.
Con: Doing so made it more difficult to fire them without hitting yourself, as the finger positioning was challenging. Fortunately, Kagome-sensei had insisted that he use a salad-shooter macerator (coarse chop, low exit velocity) loaded with potatoes, and therefore Hazō's finger was only scraped raw instead of actually avulsed.
Pro: Kagome-sensei was deliriously happy with the success of his newest invention: Kagome's Awesome Anti-Ranged-Stinker Shield Formation Totally-Not-a-Jutsu-Because-Those-Are-for-Losers-(no-offense-Noburi-and-Keiko)-and-Seals-Are-Much-Better, Mark I. It was very simple: He had built a five-foot wall out of heavy 4x4 lumber, added bracing struts on the bottom so it would stand up, and then dropped it in a storage seal. A tap of the finger and Kagome-sensei suddenly had a blast shield to hide behind.
Con: Excited by his initial success, Kagome-sensei started babbling happily about gluing seal blanks to the front of the shield, both for intimidation value ("It's not like the stupid stinkers will know they aren't infused!") and because they could be infused and fired as needed. In Hazō's very private opinion, the idea was utterly bonkers, but Kagome-sensei insisted that if Jiraiya-stinker didn't need to worry about protections while doing actual research then obviously he (Kagome-sensei) didn't need to worry about a few simple infusions during combat. Hazō debated asking to look in Kagome-sensei's ears, just to be sure there were no lupchanzen making themselves at home, but figured now might not be the best time.
Pro: The chakra-detection seals (formerly the vibrator seals, before Noburi had taken pity on Hazō and explained why everyone started giggling when he used that name) worked well. They buzzed whenever anyone in the area used chakra, allowing Hazō to know when a ninja was about to attack him.
Con: By this point in the testing, the entire clan minus Jiraiya but plus Tsunade and Fifi (who was very firm, in her unspeaking feline (?) way, about the fact that she was part of the clan and no one had best attempt to exclude her if they knew what was good for them) had gathered to watch. They sat in camp chairs, eating popcorn and other snacks that a silent Mari-sensei kept refilling, while kibitzing and occasionally throwing said popcorn. Noburi took an inappropriate degree of glee in pointing out that the not-a-vibrator seals (A) buzzed whenever
anyone in the area used chakra, including the wearer, (B) did not detect chakra boosting and other internal chakra use, meaning that they would not warn you that someone was about to punch your head off, (C) only had a range of a few feet, so by the time they warned you someone was going to burn your face off with a Grand Fireball you would have already had your face burned off, and (D) wall-walking activated them, which greatly reduced Hazō's mobility and allowed a knowledgeable enemy to keep the things firing constantly and thereby remove their value as a detection system. Noburi was kinda a jerk sometimes.
Pro: The testing had successfully turned up a variety of design opportunities (
not flaws, no matter what Noburi said!), the resolution of which would make the suit far more useful. For example, most of the pockets on the back couldn't be used because they could not be reached quickly and they interfered with the ability to roll. The only ones of value were the ones that were easy to reach: high up on the shoulder blades and low down, just over the kidneys. That was fine; the others could instead be filled with storage seals full of non-combat materials and glued to small metal scales to keep them from being damaged. Likewise, Hazō had wanted a facemask containing the seals that Jiraiya grinningly insisted Hazō refer to by their complete name, "Usamatsu's Glorious Life-Saving Purifier", instead of by the far more sensible "Air Cleaner". The idea had come to him after watching Doigama gas the enemy instantaneously unconscious during the Chūnin Exams; Hazō wanted something that covered the mouth and nose and ensured a supply of clean air so he didn't get knocked out. Unfortunately, the Air C—the Usamatsu's Glorious Life-Saving Purifier was a variant on a storage scroll: It sealed air from the front and unsealed cleansed air out the back. Like any storage scroll, there needed to be a small amount of space in front of the seal for it to operate...space that did not exist in a cloth mask. Eh, no problem. All that was needed was a box strapped to his face with a hole in the front into which he could slot a seal. Granted, a few experiments with the seal in his hand showed that putting it in a facemask would be like having the lower half of his face in a continuous windstorm, and that it felt really weird and disturbing and generally unpleasant when the pressure of the wind blew in your mouth and then out your nose. Still, all of that was worth putting up with if it would keep him from being gassed.
All in all, a successful day of testing up to that point. Had he stopped at that point, no cleanup would have been necessary and the day would have remained successful. Unfortunately, there was to be no stopping.
o-o-o-o
"Everyone got their Banshee Slayers on?" Hazō called, scanning across his audience and ensuring that he got a thumbs up from each person before moving to the next. Fifi was unable to provide a thumbs up due to her lack of a thumb. (A lack for which all of the Gōketsu except for Kagome were profoundly grateful.) Still, Mari-sensei was standing behind Fifi's chair with two of the sound-suppression seals in her hands to protect the delicate ears of the family cat(?). All in all, safe to go.
Hazō checked that his own Banshee-Slayer-equipped earmuffs were in place and the seals were active, and that the testing rats in the cage were awake and moving around. One last scan showed everything ready; he slipped a finger into the left-side pocket on his stomach and activated the Banshee seal.
A noise like the end of the world exploded outwards; the rats screamed and Hazō collapsed, blood and shit and vomit pouring from every orifice. It felt as though a chakra ape had rammed its paws into his belly, grabbed his spine, and started shaking him violently. He could feel vibrations turning his insides to goo, but the fact of pain had consumed his world and left no room for planmaking, even so simple a plan as 'Turn off the seal!'
He would never know how long the seal hammered him, but its cessation was greater bliss than anything in his life. He instinctively rolled on his side, choking out the last of the puke and thinking of nothing except drawing breath.
"Hazō, look at me."
He suppressed a cough and looked blearily up at the shape that loomed over him. The sun was behind it, leaving the object (whatever it was) utterly black with a searing bloody halo around it.
"Ungh?"
Tsunade moved slightly so that she wasn't blocking the light. The sun was spikes driven through his eyes and the world was pink like blood in swampwater. He rolled his head to the side, away from the pain and back to her face.
"What's your name?"
He thought about that one for a moment. "Hazō," he mumbled. "K...no, Gōketsu Hazō."
"Where are you?"
He looked around vaguely. Grass, trees, a few craters...ah, right. "Leaf Training Ground Four. We were testing the CHAOS suit and something went wrong with the Banshee seal."
"Good," she said. "Follow my finger."
Hazō did, blinking a little and wondering blearily why the world was pink.
"Hold still." Tsunade's hands wrapped very gently around his head, barely touching the skin. Even so, he winced at what felt like a hammer against the back of his skull.
"That's a pretty good goose egg you got there, kid," Tsunade said calmly, running her hands slowly down his body. A cloud of green medical chakra danced back and forth across the small space between her fingers and his battered flesh, but her inscrutable expression said nothing about what the chakra detected. "Don't let the girls see that little bump; they'll think you're too dumb to duck. As to the rest of this...eh, hardly a thing. Still, this is my chance to make snarky comments while some of Kabuto's little minions look you over, so I suppose we can take you in."
"I don't—urrrrpppp." Another flow of vomit poured from Hazō's mouth; he spat weakly in a futile attempt to get rid of the taste.
"Oh, you're going to be lazy about this, huh?" Tsunade said, rolling her eyes. "Can't be bothered to walk on your own, I suppose? Well, fine we can get you a—" She broke off as a stretcher landed on the ground next to her. "Thanks, Kagome. Looks like we should change it to 'explosives
and storage seals solve all problems'."
"Hmph." Kagome-sensei said nothing more, preferring instead to help Tsunade transfer Hazō onto the stretcher and hustle him off to the clinic.
o-o-o-o
"Just to be clear," Jiraiya said, looking Hazō over dubiously as they walked. "You're not going to be doing that Banshee thing again, right? Because Sunny is going to kill me if you do."
Hazō shook his head and then groaned as his neck twinged. "Sage's mercy, no. In hindsight, setting that thing off in contact with my body was a bad plan. Especially having the whole thing pressed up against my soft tissues and activating it on continuous action."
"Heh. Well, as long as you recognize the mistake, don't let it get you down too much. You would not believe some of the research backfires I've committed, and it sounds like you didn't take any permanent damage." He paused for just a moment and Hazō had to slow to match him. "You
didn't take any permanent damage, right?"
"No sir. I'm bruised across my entire torso, front and back, my neck hurts like hell, and I've got a nasty bump on my head from when I fell, but Tsunade says that there's no sign of brain damage and the rest is superficial. She managed to fix the broken veins in my eyes, so things aren't looking pink anymore. I should be good to go for the tournament."
Jiraiya started walking again, his expression clearly relieved. "Glad to hear it. And not just because of the tournament thing. Because I don't want you to be hurt, yes?"
Hazō smiled slightly at the defensiveness and embarrassment in the Sannin's tone. "I understood that, sir. Still, mistakes aside, I think the suit is going to impress you."
"Yeah, well, here's hoping." They broke out of the trees to the training ground. "Okay, show me what you got."
"Right. So, first of all, notice that the numerous pockets mean you can change the load around as you like. Combat mission? Load more macerators. Transport mission? Shift some of the capacity to storage seals. Capture mission? Earth Dome seals. I'm working on a way to integrate them into slats that fit on the bottom of the shoes and can be slid out for rapid deployment. Two ninja working together with those could trap an enemy in a Dome before they knew what was happening. Also, Kagome-sensei mentioned having some ideas about Air Domes but he hasn't shared them yet; he wants to get them working first."
"Hm. Go on."
"Okay, so, in a fight, you can use the seals to give you nearly 360-degree attack capacity. Imagine someone was coming up behind us." Hazō reached across his body with his right hand and activated the macerator on his left shoulder blade. A horizontal iron bar two inches thick and eight feet long came into existence and catapulted backwards at the speed of a running ninja. The distance wasn't great; the motion of the projectile was too random and one end touched the ground before it had gone more than twenty feet, sending the pole bouncing unpredictably and tearing massive holes in the ground. Still, the point was made; unaimed or not, the attack would have hit anyone in their rear arc.
"Some potential for friendly fire there," Jiraiya noted. "Area effect attacks are like that."
Wordlessly, Hazō activated the seal on his right shoulderblade. This one was loaded with a chunk of granite the size of his fist and would only be a danger to a single target.
"Takes a lot of practice to aim," Hazō said apologetically. "The ones on the torso are easier, but even that is most only good at short range. A few dozen yards, tops. Still, it gives close-range fighters some options for distance while leaving the hands free for jutsu. It's like having an almost unlimited number of Earth Bullets that don't need chakra or handseals. Except it can be more than just an Earth Bullet; we've shown you the pangolin pepper macerators, and you could load them with flour to make a smoke screen."
Jiraiya was nodding, a predatory smile spreading across his face. "Very cool. Anything else you might put in those slots?"
A shivering worm crawled down Hazō's back. There was clearly an expected answer, and he wasn't sure what it was. Weren't the macerators good enough?
"Uh...well, you could load them with fragile clay jugs of water," he suggested hopefully. "The dimensional shear would break the jugs and what would come out would be a spray of water. Maybe douse Fire jutsu with them. Or use oil so that your own Fire jutsu have a bigger effect."
"Yeah, but anything other than macerators?"
Hazō's mind was utterly blank.
Jiraiya nodded, clearly satisfied. "Good. I'm glad you didn't say 'Kagome-sensei's directional explosives'."
To be honest, Hazō simply hadn't thought of it. Or, rather, he had, but he'd been saving it for the KAOS suit.
"Question for you, before I say anything else: When you gave me that packet of seals, did you run it past Kagome first?"
"Um...not as such."
Jiraiya sighed and pulled his cloak a little more closely around himself; it was another unseasonably warm day, but the wind was brisk and biting. "Look, Hazō, we're in something of a strange position. The clan, I mean, and Kagome in particular. He hasn't told me anything about his background, but I don't get the sense that he was a clan nin. If a clan sealmaster invented something as powerful as those directional explosives, he would bring it to his Clan Head immediately. It would be declared a clan secret, and only shared with adult members who had established their loyalty and INFOSEC capacity. Because he's not used to being in a clan, he hasn't done that. He hasn't brought me any of his unique seals, actually—he sold me some of his implosion seals, but he made me promise that I wouldn't reverse engineer them and he hasn't offered them to me since then."
There must have been a hole in the back of Hazō's CHAOS suit, because suddenly the cold wind seemed to be blowing directly onto his heart.
"You gave me that list of seals...every seal that you've ever seen, including Kagome's seals. Now, ordinarily, that would have been a perfectly sensible thing to do; you're a clan ninja, I'm the Clan Head, done. Kagome isn't quite in that headspace, though. He's fanatically loyal to the four of you—five, counting Akane—and he tolerates me because he recognizes that I'm a good asset." He snorted. "And because I provide all the chocolate and seal research equipment he could want." He shook his head in amusement. "I honestly don't think he gives a damn about the house, the food, or the respect and power the clan name provides with the village. I have to hand it to him...he is the most honest, most uncomplicated person I've ever met. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think the world would be a lot better if more people were like him. Without the paranoia and hair-trigger violence, I mean. More honest, more loyal, that sort of thing.
"The problem is, he doesn't
really see us as a clan. He sees you lot as a team of missing-nin who are camping in enemy territory for the foreseeable future. His view of me seems a little more complicated, but I'm definitely not on the team in his mind. You guys are due protection and loyalty and...well, 'love' might not be exactly the right word, but something like it. Everyone else is a threat, potential or actual. Those directional explosives are his trump card for fights and for camp defenses, which means they are directly tied into his ability to protect you.
"You should not have given me those seals without talking to him. If he finds out that you did, he's going to feel deeply, deeply betrayed."
All the blood vanished from Hazō's face.
Jiraiya saw the incipient panic and hurried to wave it away. "Don't worry, I'm not going to tell him. Still, secrets tend to come out eventually, and you should start thinking about how to clean this up. Easiest would be to convince him to give me the seals and then we'll just be a little vague about when exactly I first saw them. Personally, if I were in your shoes, I'm not sure if I would ever tell him the complete truth."
"Yes sir." The words were spoken by someone far away, not by Hazō. Right at the moment, there was no Hazō to speak them, only a whirling mass of panic and self-directed fury.
Jiraiya sighed. "I'm glad this didn't come out before now. I only had a chance to look at the packet in any depth last night, and that's when I read your description of that seal. Gotta say, it's a nice piece of work. The design is clean, almost elegant. There's a few flyaways that could have been smoother and he's got one clunky bit in the middle that isn't as efficient as it could be, but overall I was impressed. Plus, it's insanely useful. Wide-angle or narrow, tunable range, tunable intensity? You guys often talk about chopping firewood with explosives, but I always assumed it was a 'stand back and go boom' sort of thing. From what I can tell, you could hold those seals in your hand while using them like an axe."
"He does, sir."
Jiraiya chuckled and shook his head. "No wonder he thinks that explosives solve all problems. Despite that, I still say that using them to blend the chowder was a bad move."
Hazō shuddered at the amount of cleanup that had been required when the cooking pot proved to be not as strong as expected. Mari-sensei had been cleaning the kitchen for the better part of a day. Kagome-sensei had been embarrassed and eager to help, but Mari-sensei had silently shaken her head and waved him off, much to Tsunade's approval. The only positive thing about it was that Mari-sensei had smiled while she was waving him off. It had only lasted for a moment, but it had looked like a pale shadow of her real smile, instead of the painted-on rictus she normally showed these days.
"Agreed," Hazō said. "Still, you have to admit that it was delicious. And as long as he puts a Five Seal Barrier on the pot next time, I don't think there will be an issue."
Jiraiya looked dubious, but he let it go. Instead, he clapped his hands decisively. "Okay, enough of that. Show me what else this thing can do, and then let's talk about how we use it to make Leaf the most powerful village ever dreamed of by mortal man."
XP AWARD: 20 + 1 (plan brevity)
It is now 2pm on December 13. Kagome's birthday is the 18th but it will be celebrated tomorrow. On the morning of the 16th you and many of the notables from Leaf will leave for the tournament, expecting to arrive on the 19th.
I'm out of steam for the day, so Kagome's birthday party will need to be handled by one of my inimitable co-authors. My suggestion is that you go ahead and vote but keep it to two scenes worth of stuff.
Voting ends on Wednesday, November 14, 2018, at 12pm London time.