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Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

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Sentient Tree said:
7th path is where the pangolins are, right?

I think we know that mountains exist there, since the pangolins supposedly used to have a pass through mountains to get to the great library. Even if the library doesn't exist, I don't think they could invent a whole range of mountains. So I think mountains of some sort definitely exist there.

Implications:
Either there's tectonic activity on the 7th path, and it's been around for a while (rather than being created a few hundred years ago by the sage), or the sage really liked mountains.
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It's possible that Sage never created the seventh path and the summons clans are all confused/wrong.
 
Questions that we're trying to clean out of GM QUINOA:

someone whose name got lost said:
Do Clans have any unique seals?
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HDK.

(That took a surprising amount of QM discussion!)
Sentient Tree said:
That sounds like a good idea.

Pantsa: *draws perfect picture of Kagome*
Keiko: :o
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For the record, I Insightfuled this because I was agreeing that Keiko would freak out, not because I was saying that Kagome is the Sage. I don't play deception games with ratings, and I realized that this one could have been misinterpreted.
 
eaglejarl said:
For the record, I Insightfuled this because I was agreeing that Keiko would freak out, not because I was saying that Kagome is the Sage. I don't play deception games with ratings, and I realized that this one could have been misinterpreted.
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That's good, we could always use Keiko freaking out more and attempting to kill other members of the Goketsu clan.

It's good training.
 
@Velorien

Take pride in the fact I had an actual nightmare about the coming update last night.
(We shall see if my nightmares become reality.)

Cariyaga said:
That's good, we could always use Keiko freaking out more and attempting to kill other members of the Goketsu clan.

It's good training.
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At this rate we'll be giving the Uchiha a run for their money on the "Most Fucked Up Family In Leaf" award.
 
eaglejarl said:
I don't play deception games with ratings, and I realized that this one could have been misinterpreted.
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I interpret ratings as expressing my impressions of a post rather than factual data about it, and therefore see no need not to mix the two in whatever fashion would be most amusing.

MMKII said:
@Velorien

Take pride in the fact I had an actual nightmare about the coming update last night.
(We shall see if my nightmares become reality.)
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I had a nightmare triggered by the Akane breakup subplot, which is the main reason why it got resolved so abruptly and completely.
 
Tua said:
My Little Itachi Keiko Can't Be This Cute.
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Keiko is the oldest of the siblings, so really it would be My Little Hazō, and you know what, I'm going to end this line of thought right here.

faflec said:
Well then.

Everyone. It's been an honor.

<because we're all gonna dieeeeeeee>
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Unfortunately, I've run out of time/room/energy to write what happens to Hazō's body as a result of your plan, so that'll have to be next update.
 
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Chapter 224: Problems and Solutions
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    • And to think, it had been such a pleasant evening before Tsunade arrived. Finding out they didn't know all the tournament rules and couldn't sell seals to the yakuza. Watching Mari-sensei pretend that she wasn't still curled up on her bed just because her body was downstairs having dinner. And oh, yes, hearing Jiraiya talk happily about how he'd nearly killed Mum for largely political reasons before kicking her out of the village, beyond Hazō's reach.

    On reflection, Tsunade nearly blowing up the mansion had been an improvement.

    "Where's Mari gone?" Tsunade demanded on her eventual return. "That girl's got some explaining to do."

    "What did you do to Jiraiya?" Hazō asked, then barely stopped himself from cowering under the intensity of her gaze. "If you don't mind me asking? Ma'am?"

    Tsunade snorted. "He's hiding. Thinks his fancy seals can protect him from what he's got coming. Poor fool."

    She gave a very disturbing smile.

    "I know where he lives."

    Hazō shivered.

    "Now where is she? It's late and she and I need to have words. I don't need a sister-in-law who can't ride herd on that idjit for something as important as her own wedding."

    Hazō hesitated. He had a feeling Bad Things would happen if he let Tsunade see Mari-sensei's condition right now. He also had a feeling that trying to prevent Tsunade from doing what she wanted was not going to end well for his skeleton.

    "Mari-sensei must have retired for the night," he said warily. "She's sick."

    Tsunade's eyes blazed. "Not on my watch she isn't."

    Hazō did not attempt to argue as he led Tsunade to the bedroom.


    Tsunade stared at Mari-sensei, who had sensibly retreated in the chaos of the woman's entrance.

    "All right, what's supposed to be wrong with her?"

    Mari-sensei looked up in shock as she recognised the voice.

    "Tsunade?" she said in cracked voice. "I'm sorry, this isn't a good time. I don't want to… it's not a good time."

    "Why not?"

    Mari-sensei didn't say anything. Tsunade gave Hazō an expectant look.

    "She's afraid that if she talks to you, she'll end up manipulating you in some way."

    "Her. Manipulate me." Tsunade gave a harsh laugh. Then her hand lashed out, faster than Hazō could track the motion, and solidly seized Mari-sensei's right wrist. Mari-sensei whimpered quietly.

    Then she sat up sharply, some of her old vitality back in her eyes. "You can do that?" she demanded.

    "Don't get used to it. It's addictive and the side effects get worse the longer you use it. Now, what's going on? Short and sweet."

    Mari-sensei took a slow, deep breath. "Tsunade, I've realised that I'm a danger to everyone around me. I treat people like tools without even having to think about it, with every single thing I say and do, and I'm good enough that they don't notice it happening. I pretend to care about them, but I don't, not really. That's just another way of using them to feel better about myself. I… I appreciate that you're trying to help, but it's too late for me to change. Even if you think you're immune to what I can do, you shouldn't waste your time on me. Please… just let me be."

    "Seven out of ten on the bullshit-o-meter," Tsunade said coolly. "Maybe a low eight." She flicked away Mari-sensei's wrist. "But I was promised a wedding, and a wedding is what I shall have, even if I have to kick you two's asses all the way to the altar."

    "Tsunade, please…" Mari-sensei began to say something, her voice already weakening once more.

    "Are you physically injured?" Tsunade interrupted.

    "No, but—"

    Tsunade looked to Hazō. "Is she physically injured?"

    "Not that I know of."

    "Are you pregnant?"

    Hazō's eyes widened to the size of saucers.

    "No," Mari-sensei whispered. "Someone like me could never—"

    "Good enough," Tsunade snapped. "From now, you speak only when spoken to unless there's a damn good reason for you to open your mouth. You don't want to risk manipulating people? You act like it."

    Hazō's eyes returned to their normal size, but not for lack of bewilderment. He was pretty sure this wasn't the standard medic-nin bedside manner. "Lady Tsunade," he began.

    "The last person who called me that is still paying off the surgery for having my boot extracted from his ass."

    "Tsunade, then—"

    "Listen, boy," Tsunade turned on him. "I don't tell you how to bend the fabric of reality until it breaks, you don't tell me how to treat my patients.

    "Now, you," she thrust her thumb in the direction of the door, "get out. Kagome, you get in here."

    An awkward-looking Kagome-sensei shuffled into the bedroom from right outside the door, lowering his explosive-tag-filled hands. "Had to make sure you weren't going to hurt her."

    "See that, boy? That's what you do when you're worried about someone mistreating a member of your family. Now don't make me repeat myself."

    Hazō didn't make her repeat herself. But she also didn't specify that he couldn't listen in from outside like Kagome-sensei.

    "Now, Kagome"—he heard Tsunade's level voice—"I saw that trap array outside. Professional work."

    "Thanks," Kagome-sensei muttered.

    "But are you really telling me you think that is enough to protect your family?"

    Shocked silence.

    "Of course not! I'm adding new traps every day!"

    "Aww, he's adding new traps every day. I'm sure that'll impress Akatsuki when they come here to finish the job. Hell, one woman managed to stroll right in here without even enough demolition charges to knock down the Hokage Tower. How are you not ashamed of yourself?"

    Kagome-sensei muttered something too quietly for Hazō to hear.

    "Damn straight. By the time Jiraiya sods off to Mist and I go find something better to do for a couple of weeks, I expect to see a trap array twice as good, with defences that'd make Uchiha Itachi piss his pants just looking at them.

    "And that's another thing. Only seal-based defences? You're getting soft. Spoiled. Complacent. What if an assassin with a draining Bloodline Limit turns up at your gates tomorrow and sucks all the chakra right out of your seals? Or maybe a paper user like that Shikigami brat will pick them up and throw them right back in your face. What's Rule One?"

    "Explosives solve everything."

    "Right. But Rule Two is 'Always Have a Backup Plan'. So when I come back, there had better be spike pits, hidden kunai launchers, snares, dead falls—every trick from the olden days, plus everything your murderous imagination can come up with. Perfectly integrated with your seals, obviously, because if I find that even a mouse can get through unharmed…"

    Kagome's voice was about ten percent fear and ninety percent exaltation as he answered, "yes, ma'am."

    "Good. Mari's going to do all that for you."

    "What?!"

    "You heard me. She starts work half an hour after dawn. If she's not washed, dressed or fed by then, that's her problem. Then she gets going. She digs the pits, she sets the snares and what have you, and once I clear her for seals and sharp things, she does those as well. Everything. You watch to make sure she doesn't slack off or do something stupid, but you don't lift a finger unless it's to show her how to do something.

    "At noon, she gets half an hour to eat. Put these in the food. Tiny pinch of this, maybe a fifth of one of those spoons we used earlier of this—and a third of one of these, chopped how you like, if she's physically collapsing. Don't get the doses wrong or she'll probably die.

    "Come nightfall, she gets half an hour for dinner. Tenth of a spoon of this, two pinches of that, and one of these if she didn't get any sleep the previous night. Then it's back to work. Not expecting her to dig in the dark—that's dumb—but the mansion had better be sparkling clean next time I decide to go for a wander, every single room. Once she's done that, she gets to work cleaning up Oro's basement floors, or at least the ones ANBU have cleared, until she collapses. Then you're allowed to carry her to bed. The girl can wash her so she doesn't have to sleep in her own filth.

    "Repeat until I tell you to stop."

    "Y-You must be out of your mind!"

    "Maybe. But Kagome, either you help her get her ass in gear, or she's going to stay like this until the day she dies, which won't be that long. Your choice."

    More silence.

    "Sometimes you've got to be cruel to be kind. As a sealmaster with an apprentice, I'd expect you to get that. You steel your heart and do exactly as I told you, no matter how it makes you feel, or I give her a year, tops. Assuming she doesn't work up the guts to off herself first. Once you lose the will to live, your chakra just—eh, you don't need to hear the details. That's my prediction as the world's greatest medic-nin."

    So, so much silence. In a way, Hazō admired Mari-sensei's self-control, that she should obey Tsunade's order to keep her mouth shut in the face of that. Then again, he couldn't see Tsunade right now. He could believe that she'd be just that scary.

    "Got it," Kagome-sensei said quietly. "I'll do what I can."

    Tsunade nodded.

    "And you. Prove to me that you're worth something without that silver tongue of yours. Show me how hard you can push yourself to help those around you when it's not glamorous or rewarding. I'm not going to watch a woman who stood up to me at my finest pretend she's some namby-pamby damsel in mental distress."

    There was a pause during which Tsunade must have seen looking for Mari's (silent) response.

    "Good. Once I see enough progress, we can move on to Step B." Tsunade raised her voice. "Hazō, you help him out if you've got the nerve. By Madara's treasonous member, if I catch one more person eavesdropping on me…"

    Hazō shuddered.

    -o-​

    Gravity booster seals were a thing. Hazō was certain of it now. They were a thing, and Tsunade had made sure to apply several to each of those bags of bricks she was making him and Noburi carry. (The woman herself had casually chucked them to the boys with one hand each, and that would have been the end of them if they hadn't dodged.)

    Still, he wasn't complaining. Much. That much. As much as he could have been. Tsunade plainly had no interest in talking to anyone else this late at night, but had kindly consented to listen to them babble if they were prepared to carry her bags for her. Hazō recognised a trial when he saw one, and wouldn't let his imminent death from exhaustion stop him from earning Tsunade's attention. (Leaf wasn't that big, anyway, and at their current pace they would surely reach wherever they were heading in time for breakfast, even if it was at a crawl.)

    Noburi had called in his favour from that Akane training session Hazō was doing his best to forget, and was now first to talk to Tsunade, and potentially the only one if he didn't shut up soon and give Hazō his turn.

    "Obviously," Noburi continued chattering, "there's nothing new about that in and of itself. In Mist, we used condemned civilian criminals for medical experimentation, because they had no rights and there were plenty of them to go round. In Leaf, you actually get consent, which is pretty progressive. So I was thinking, suppose you paid them for medical treatment rather than the other way around?"

    Tsunade gave him a sceptical stare that Keiko would kill to learn (though, Hazō thought bitterly, he wasn't sure how much that said these days).

    "No, no, hear me out, Tsunade-sensei!"

    Hazō didn't even know when Noburi had switched to calling her that, so smooth had the transition been. Tsunade had yet to come down on him for the presumption, though maybe she was just waiting for him to finish making a fool of himself first.

    "You don't have to pay them much—most civilians are dirt-poor anyway—and it'll get them flocking to you for treatment where they wouldn't be able to afford it normally, or where the journey to get to you is too long or dangerous to take without a good reason. Then, and this is the good bit, you call in all those trainee medic-nin and have them watch while you do your thing. Massive boost to teaching, and it only costs you a little money and no extra time. Trainees finally don't have to rely on their master finding the time to teach them instead of getting lost in his own research because that's so much more important and only he has the expertise to do it. Not that I'm biased. Plus, and this is the even better bit: suppose you dot a bunch of places that do this around the map—I call them medical centres, because they'll have people converging on them from every direction—and have trainees on rotation between them. Every region's got different diseases and different types of chakra beast injury and yeah, you see where this is going. No more medic-nin sitting in their offices in Leaf or Tanzaku Gai or whatever and learning about devil rot or chakra bee venom from ancient scrolls."

    Hazō listened in fascination. "It's an exponential effect, isn't it?"

    "Got it in one. Tsunade-sensei gets half a dozen apprentices watching every piece of surgery. Every now and again, one of them steps in to practice, and Tsunade-sensei sits back and gives them pointers. Boom! That's half a dozen new chūnin doctors in less time than it takes to train one. All with the best training that exists. Then they go out, and each one has half a dozen apprentices watch them work. Boom! That's thirty-six more chūnin doctors one step away from Tsunade-sensei. Do it again and that's two hundred and sixteen chūnin doctors two steps away from Tsunade-sensei. And obviously, with the rotation thing and a steady stream of new patients, you're accelerating individual training too. Meanwhile, those first doctors are going to get to jōnin-level, and they're going to keep teaching. All while doing their normal work of treating injuries and disease at the same time.

    "I haven't figured out how to fit medical research in there yet," Noburi admitted, "but it shouldn't be too hard with all the extra medic-nin and extra income coming in."

    "What extra income?" Hazō asked. "Aren't you paying the civilians?"

    "Pfft." Noburi tried to wave his hands dismissively, but good luck with that given what he was carrying. "Sliding scale. The rich pay for the treatment of the poor. Make a mission type of it, and if anyone tries to cheat the system by pretending they can't afford it? Well, they're trying to cheat someone from the Tsunade school of medicine. They'll be practice dummies for months. Trust me, once word gets round that you can pay a ninja specialist to cure what ails you, we'll be drowning in cash."

    "And where are we going to get so many trainee medic-nin?"

    "Did I mention the 'drowning in cash' part? We're talking the full mission spectrum, only with no risk of injury, at least to the ninja. We'll be beating applicants off with a stick—which will also generate extra work for us.

    "I mean, OK, we might not get hundreds. Jiraiya will have to put his foot down eventually so he still has enough ninja for the lesser specialisations. But maybe at that point we can start getting civilian doctors involved. Like I say, still a work in progress."

    Tsunade finally spoke. "Did little Kabuto put you up to this?"

    Noburi shook his head. "He's very much the medical research type. Civilians don't even have Bloodline Limits."

    "Huh." Tsunade gazed at Noburi thoughtfully. "Your idea's more full of holes than a Rock-nin after my great-uncle's Heavenly Weeping Technique. But it's not bad for a genin from that putrid hellhole where they think you have to time your surgeries according to the movements of the zodiac, like the moon isn't even there. You come see me tomorrow afternoon, boy, once I'm done deciding what's safe for you to drink."

    If Noburi's grin had been any wider, it would have split his face right in half and Tsunade would have had to demonstrate her medical skills there and then.

    "All right, that's enough naïve idealism. I assume you aren't tagging along just for the good of your health either?"

    Ouch. Thanks, Noburi.

    "Actually," Hazō switched tracks, "I wanted to talk about you for a change. I know you're the world's greatest doctor, and that Jiraiya says you split mountains in two with your fists as stress relief, but I don't know that much about you. If you don't mind my asking, why did you become a medic-nin? What do you do as one, and why? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

    Tsunade snorted. "You want my life story at this time of night?"

    Hazō shook his head. "Just what you feel like telling me. I don't want the only things I know about you to be stuff I got from Jiraiya."

    "Hah," Tsunade laughed. "Nice one, boy. Subtle like a chakra octopus to the face, but doesn't mean you don't have a point. Piece of advice for you: you want a decent description of someone's character, you don't start out by asking their ex."

    Tsunade was Jiraiya's what?!

    Noburi, on her other side, had a similar expression on his face. Tsunade smirked as if she'd said it just to shock them.

    "Fine," she said with exaggerated reluctance. "Out of respect for your willingness to be ground to paste for trying to manipulate me—which, by the way, is what will happen if you ever try to pull that crap again—I'll tell you a little.

    "First off, this entire place is a shithole. You spent a while out there in the real world, you know what I'm talking about. Chakra beasts everywhere. Everyone either dead or due to die in a few years. People either lying to themselves about it or trying to take advantage of the chaos. Any sane person can see it, and any sane person will be sick to the stomach when they do.

    "Grandpa was sane, for a lunatic. He saw the world for what it was, but then he stuck all the ninja in one place so they had no reason to care about the rest of it. Figured if he could stop the clans fighting each other, they'd finally get on with using their power to fix things. Still got no idea how somebody can have so much vision and be so blind at the same damn time."

    Noburi gave Hazō a pointed look. Hazō didn't dignify it with a reaction.

    "Somebody had to fix the mess he got us into. Sarutobi-sensei, his apprentice, was that man, and we, his apprentices, were going to be the iron fist to his velvet glove."

    Tsunade paused.

    "Didn't work out."

    Hazō, who'd read a little bit about the Three after being adopted by Jiraiya, heard decades of suffering and disillusionment dismissed with those three words.

    "Huh. Don't usually talk so much. You'd think being sober would work the other way."

    "So what do you do now?" Hazō asked.

    "I heal people. If there's one part of this world that isn't stained with blood and death, it's medicine. You savour that irony for a while. Oh, you can kill with medical ninjutsu, and in ways that make your classic fireball look like gentle mercy. And you can keep people alive only so they go out to kill someone else, which is what usually happens. But for all that, medicine is the one thing you can do that doesn't make this world even worse."

    "Is there a point to it? Beyond keeping people alive and healthy, I mean. Is there something you're trying to achieve?"

    Tsunade shrugged. "Patch up one of the worst holes in the world? Make medicine better so the next idealistic fool can keep people alive a little longer before something kills them anyway? I've done more to advance the cause than any doctor in history, and maybe a little of it will stick around after I die."

    It hurt to hear. This woman was the world's greatest humanitarian? The legendary healer whose personal disciples commanded as much respect as any elite jōnin? The first person to so much as imagine that doctors of different countries could share information in order to advance humanity's medical knowledge as a whole? How could such a person be more cynical than Kagome-sensei?

    How could she believe all that yet still accomplish so much?

    Hazō needed her.

    And he needed her advice as much as anything else. Out of everyone in the world, she had come closest to doing what he wanted to do. She knew what worked. She knew the pitfalls to avoid. She might not share his dream, but maybe she would help him if he proved he was an ally.

    "I… this may sound arrogant, but I want to do the same," Hazō said with all of his courage.

    "You want to be a medic-nin like your brother?"

    "I want to make lasting change. Have you heard about these new till'n'fill missions Jiraiya's created?"

    Tsunade nodded. "Word's spreading. Most everyone thinks it's a fool idea, but that doesn't mean they're not curious to see where it'll go. Pretty much how I feel too."

    "You spend a lot of time out among civilians. Do you have any thoughts about what kind of till'n'fills would be best? I mean, which ones would benefit the civilians the most?"

    Tsunade's response was near-instant.

    "Walls."

    "Oh?"

    "Nothing you do matters if some chakra beast waltzes in and kills the people you've helped the next day. Which they do. All the time. You come back to a village you stayed in a few months ago, and there's no one there. Pisses me off. Whom did I spend weeks developing a brain parasite cure for in the first place?

    "Tough walls are like laws, boy. Many chakra beasts take one look at them and go 'Oh, well, can't get through here, better go look elsewhere for my supper', because they don't know they can smash them to splinters with a single blow.

    "Which reminds me. Dispute resolution is a good one. Doesn't matter which way you rule, a ninja's word is law and defying it is death. You come, you listen to them for an hour—or pretend to—you make your decision and you leave, and now there's a new status quo and you've prevented the kind of escalating conflict that can leave a village vulnerable to the real threats. In this crapsack world where civilians are constantly living on the edge of death, you'd be amazed how little it can take to turn a spark into an inferno. Or maybe you wouldn't. You're involved in politics."

    "It matters to you, then? Civilians' welfare?" Hazō couldn't help asking. It was just so strange to hear a stranger talk this way.

    "Disease doesn't care if you're ninja or civilian. Ninja resistance means shit in the face of a plague. Besides, I hate seeing my work wasted."

    It wasn't a ringing endorsement of egalitarian revolution, but it wasn't a "no" either.

    "Is there anything else I can do?" Hazō asked. "As a ninja or as a sealmaster? Don't tell Kagome-sensei I said this, but I do know how to solve problems without explosives."

    This one wasn't quite instant, but it was very, very fast.

    "Clean water. Efficient heating and insulation. Long-term food preservation. Decent roads.

    "Not that it'll matter," Tsunade added at normal speed. "It's the same as trying to eliminate a disease. Whatever you come up with, you'll need ninja, and you'll never get enough of them on board to get the job done. And even if by some miracle you do, you know they'll give up on it once you're gone.

    "Still, at least for a little while, you'll make a bunch of people happy and not dead. That's all any of us can ask for.

    "I think this is far enough. About face, you two."

    "I… I'm sorry?" Hazō stuttered.

    "Been a while since I was sober enough at night to enjoy this kind of walk, but I reckon I'm about ready to head back. Jiraiya had better have a guest room ready for me, or there will be blood."

    "G-Guest room?"

    Tsunade rolled her eyes. "At the Gōketsu compound. You know, where you idjits live?"

    "But… But the bags!"

    "If there's one fact all medic-nin agree on, it's that young people these days don't get enough exercise. Now hop to it. It's late and I need my beauty sleep."

    -o-​

    You have received 1 XP and 0 FP.

    -o-​

    @eaglejarl will be writing the rest of the plan. There will be no voting.
     
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    • Interesting. Tsunade has some excellent ideas. Now how can we help implement them?

    MEW gives us walls and roads. (Hell, we could even make walled roads. There's an idea to help traders not get murdered by chakra monsters.) When we travel places we could just start laying down road as we go if we're not in a hurry. As a bonus it'll be good chakra reserve training. We can't lay every road ourselves, so we can tell villages while we're out that they can hire ninja to make roads. Traders might go for it.

    Insulation and efficient heating might be doable with MEW too. If we can pick what kind of stone we use and go for low density volcanic stone like pumice, that stuff is actually a great insulator because of all the trapped air. If we're stuck with granite or whatever we can make walls with one or two air gaps in them. It's not as good, but it's miles better than a solid stone or waddle and daub wall.

    There are some really efficient stone heaters/stoves that we could do with MEW too.

    If we put together a standard improved house design with insulated floor, walls, roof, and improved heater we might be able to bang it out in a few minutes. Maybe some stone 'furniture' like counters, a sink, shelves, a table, whatever. The civilians could finish it with the rest of the furniture and stuff. We could share the design with the mission office to give to anyone doing till 'n fills where people request the new housing.

    Clean water and food preservation sound like seal tasks. Although if we can pick our stone with MEW we could raise a halite wall and then the villagers have all the salt for food preservation they could ever want.

    Otherwise a refrigeration seal sounds workable, it'd just be a matter of figuring out how to make it last long enough to be economical. Maybe if it fed off the heat it absorbed for power and just kept sucking heat out of the surrounding air forever?

    Clean water is tricky. It's possible to make good water filters pretty quickly out of a basin filled with sand and charcoal that the water filters through and comes out the bottom, but that doesn't get all the bacteria out. To be really safe we'd want a seal that made water safe somehow or else an easy way for people to boil water before they drank it.

    We could prevent clean water from becoming an issue by giving villagers a safe place to get rid of waste where it doesn't get into the water supply. Digging nice and deep latrines, maybe. We've got the tunneling jutsu, could be perfect for that. Anything to keep them from dumping waste into streams.
     
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