Now that I think of it, a few years ago I found a church lax enough to let me become an ordained priest in real life by signing up on a website so I could exorcise a laptop that was being particularly uncooperative. It worked, so there's the chance that you're now real-life married in the eyes of God, in which case oops, sorry, I meant it as a shitpost. Also I was aiming for Cariyaga, not Shrooms, but eh, you do you.
Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
-
- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard
- Location
- USA
When the chakravores drain you, if you're drained to exactly 0, you're unconscious. Otherwise, you're forced to take overdraw Consequences that could pay for the negative drain, but you remain at 0 and unconscious. If you can't take a Consequence to balance the drain, you die.
For example, if you have 200 CP, you can overdraw with a Mild for 10 CP, a Moderate for 20 CP, or a Severe for 30 CP. Assume you're at 5 CP. If you get hit by a drain attack of:
For example, if you have 200 CP, you can overdraw with a Mild for 10 CP, a Moderate for 20 CP, or a Severe for 30 CP. Assume you're at 5 CP. If you get hit by a drain attack of:
- 4 CP: You're at 1 CP and can continue to fight.
- 5 CP: You're knocked unconscious, but nothing more happens.
- 10 CP: You're knocked unconscious and there is 5 CP left of drain to resolve. You take a Mild overdraw Consequence, and are unconscious with 0 CP.
- 20 CP: You take a Moderate overdraw consequence (resolving 15 CP of remaining drain), and are unconscious with 0 CP.
- 30 CP: You take a Mild and Moderate.
- 40 CP: You take a Mild, Moderate, and Severe.
- 70 CP: You cannot resolve the entire drain attack, so you just die.
So, Yuno got knocked down by a drain attack, which didn't leave her exactly at 0, so she took a Mild. Then, she took another drain attack, which inflicted a Severe automatically (since her Moderate slot was already taken).
Whereas Tenten was dropped with a drain attack that dealt a Mild, but then wasn't targeted again.
The younglings were much weaker. The high Resolve score gave a lot of protection, but I don't know how you want me to operationalize this.
Ahem?
- Location
- Europe
Well you became a GM. So someone got the Blessing.
So much for StompyXShrooms.
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Doh. Started writing, got several hundred words in, realized that I was overlapping and inconsistent with what @Paperclipped did. Oh well. Here's the original start of the chapter:
The green glow of medical chakra disappeared from around Noburi's hands and he patted Yuno on the shoulder.
"Eh, I've seen worse," he said. "Still, it looks a little uncomfortable so we might as well let you have some hot tea and a lie-down."
Yuno coughed, the sound rough. "I remember what you said about Lady Tsunade's bedside manner, Noburi. She is only sweet when the problem is serious."
A moment of 'oops, busted' flashed across Noburi's face but then he grinned and spread his hands wide. "Hey, do you see a Lady Tsunade around? Because I don't. It's me." He patted her on the shoulder again. "Hang on one sec, okay? Be right back. Don't worry, it's all fine."
He rose and stepped over to Hazō, lowering his voice and shifting slightly so that his back was to the injured women.
"It's really bad," he said quietly. "Yuno almost died. Her chakra coils are burned to ash and she's going to be on MSD for weeks. Tenten's chakra coils are lightly scorched but she'll sleep it off. We need to get them back to camp, fast. There are things I can do to help Yuno heal faster but I need to do them in the next few minutes for them to matter and we're not safe here."
The green glow of medical chakra disappeared from around Noburi's hands and he patted Yuno on the shoulder.
"Eh, I've seen worse," he said. "Still, it looks a little uncomfortable so we might as well let you have some hot tea and a lie-down."
Yuno coughed, the sound rough. "I remember what you said about Lady Tsunade's bedside manner, Noburi. She is only sweet when the problem is serious."
A moment of 'oops, busted' flashed across Noburi's face but then he grinned and spread his hands wide. "Hey, do you see a Lady Tsunade around? Because I don't. It's me." He patted her on the shoulder again. "Hang on one sec, okay? Be right back. Don't worry, it's all fine."
He rose and stepped over to Hazō, lowering his voice and shifting slightly so that his back was to the injured women.
"It's really bad," he said quietly. "Yuno almost died. Her chakra coils are burned to ash and she's going to be on MSD for weeks. Tenten's chakra coils are lightly scorched but she'll sleep it off. We need to get them back to camp, fast. There are things I can do to help Yuno heal faster but I need to do them in the next few minutes for them to matter and we're not safe here."
- Location
- United States
Thank you @Paperclipped, the Almighty and Merciful One.
Iris-Iven-Ibis
Interested-Idiot-Immortal
- Location
- You know
Well there's only one valid wave the test if a wedding is blessed by Jashin
GAMBLING [I'm not actually allowed to put an exclamation point since that would be screaming]
edit: Oh dear oh dear God.
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- Location
- Yes.
- Location
- United States
Ok, that dice roll is actually HILARIOUS
Looks like Jashin annulled it. Sorry folks.
boo600
Ego sum egredietur tempestas.
- Location
- Texas
- Pronouns
- He/Him/Hungry
…I actually really like this option. It's a shame no one else voted for it.
If we're here, leaving evidence via combat/blood/shoe prints, it would be hilarious if we A) Left a 'we were here' prank and it B) Convinced Akatsuki we were dead.
I mean, we know that won't happen. They'd instantly know we were alive and faking it. And then Itachi and Hidan would track us by the stone while also learning of Earthshaping's use, with Itachi learning to look into the past so he could copy our Earthshaping skills to make money for Pain…
Oh, wait. I'm thinking of canon. Here, they'd just track us down and extract ES knowledge via torture and genjutsu, like sensible ninja.
Hm. So, this suggests that more combat with chakravores is at least easy on the GMs… but the rote quality may be why we haven't unstagneted? Perhaps we need more quirky filler villains to stab.
Yes!
I know this episode… what was that thing called? There was a campfire…?
Well. Good thing that's not happening.
Did you ask him which answer means which before rolling? It seems like he's consecrated the marriage to me.
- Location
- United States
Hi all! (@Paperclipped @eaglejarl @Velorien)
Just checking up to see if these questions were still under discussion! Thanks.
Chapter 677: Evac, Uplift Style
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
"Noburi, rebalance chakra across the team. Yuno gets enough to defend herself, the rest of us have enough to fight. Do it now."
Noburi was already slinging the barrel off his back as the others gathered around.
"We're going back to camp and we're not stopping," Hazō said. "Not for anything. If we encounter resistance, blow through it and keep moving. Noburi, you and I will be well out in front to clear the way. Kei, Tenten, you're ranged support, so hang back. Yuno, defend yourself but do not act aggressively. Avoid combat if at all possible. Noburi, is she going to be injured further if she uses chakra?"
"It's definitely not ideal," Noburi said. "Honestly, I would prefer if she wasn't even on her feet but that's not an option right now. Honey, I need you to avoid chakra use as much as possible. Minimal chakra boost, no jutsu, okay? The more chakra you use, the worse you'll damage your coils and the longer it will take to heal."
"Am I in danger of permanent damage?" Yuno asked, eyes wide.
"I don't think so, but coil damage is nothing to screw around with. Be careful, okay?" He waited for her to nod and then turned to the other walking wounded. "Tenten, your injuries are far more mild. Chakra boost shouldn't be a problem for you and even jutsu are probably okay as long as you don't go too hard. Mostly, you need to sleep."
The silent woman nodded, her face even more sober than usual.
"How far do you figure it is back to camp?" Hazō asked, looking at Kei. "A couple of minutes if we run, maybe fifteen if we're cautious?"
"Fifteen is too slow," Noburi said. "We need—" He stopped talking as Hazō gave him a 'duh' look.
"In terms of steps, just over a mile. Perhaps a mile and a half if we consider elevation change. So, yes. Perhaps two minutes at a run. My concern is the large cavern we must traverse. There were tunnels attached to it that we have not yet cleared. It is possible that threats may have come up those tunnels after we passed."
Hazō nodded in acknowledgement then moved on to the next item. "Noburi, Kei, give me a seal loadout. Mine were ruined in the water. After that, activate your skywalkers. If we aren't touching the ground then hopefully anything that hunts by vibration won't spot us." He took the cup from Noburi and drained it, feeling the chakra flow back into him.
"Might light us up to the chakravores," Noburi noted, handing over the requested packet of seals.
"Stealth has never been a primary operational method for Team Uplift," Kei noted. "We have always tended to favor...I believe the phrase is 'shock and awe'?"
"Fair point. Water Element: Water Whip." His signature weapon appeared in his hand; the jutsu lasted only half a minute but it was a positive action that he could take. "Let's roll."
Hazō caught his arm. "Hang on," he said. "Got an idea."
o-o-o-o
The chakravores and magmaspines have a symbiotic relationship based on the fact that the chakravores eat chakra, making them excellent at disabling prey, and the magmaspines eat flesh but aren't too picky about whether it's alive or dead. The magmaspines travel through the rock, their innate 'jutsu' causing the rock to momentarily turn molten and flow around them before immediately cooling again. This allows them to easily create ambush spots in the stone where they and their co-conspirators can hide before dropping on an enemy. For simplicity, all of the critters of a given type have the same stats. Let's roll a few things up:
Initiative:
- Chakravores
- Number appearing, 1d10+3 = 8
- Alertness: 1d??+20 = ??
- Athletics: 1d??+20 = ??
- Attack strength: 5d??+30 = ??
- Magmaspines
- Number appearing, 1d6+1 = 7. Yowch.
- Alertness: 3d??+30 = ??
- Athletics: 5d??+20 = ??
- Attack strength: 8d??+20 = ??
Initiative:
- ...huh. Actually, never mind.
BOOM!
Running steps...
BOOM!
Running steps...
BOOM!
"Look out!"
"Earth Element: Multiple Earth Wall!"
Running steps...
BOOM!
"Jeeek!" came the scream of something nonhuman.
The sound of a Banshee Fucker blasted through the bones of the earth, turning animal ears to jelly and shaking the stone.
Running steps...
Pause.
"I don't see anything," Noburi said, crouching beside Hazō at the entrance to the enormous cavern that stood between them and safety. He had to wait until after Hazō deactivated the Banshee Fucker, and then wait a few seconds more. Even with Banshee Slayers active, not all the noise from the Fucker was suppressed. It left a persistent ringing in the ears for a short time after it was deactivated.
Hazō grunted and tapped the floor thoughtfully with the end of the steel dowel that he was using to keep the Banshee Fucker out in front of himself while they ran. He studied the cavern, looking for any trace of movement or any potential lairing points for bats or other cave dwellers.
"Still," Noburi continued. "We are Team Uplift."
Hazō nodded. "That is an excellent point."
BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM[implosion noise]BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM[implosion noise]BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM[implosion noise]BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM[implosion noise][implosion noise][implosion noise]BOOMBOOM[implosion noise][implosion noise]BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM[implosion noise][implosion noise]BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM!!!!
[pain-inducing scream of the Banshee Fucker]
Running steps...
BOOM!
Running steps...
BOOM!
Tap on the shoulder followed by pointing finger.
BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM[implosion noise]!!!
Running steps...
"Kagome-sensei! It's us! We're coming in hot, and we've got wounded!"
o-o-o-o
"Ohhhhh," Mari moaned, rising up out of the water and slicking her hair back. The expression on her face was that of a woman who had simultaneously experienced the scent of lavender, the taste of chocolate, and the feel of mind-shattering sex with a considerate partner who remembered to bring scented candles and afterwards told you that you were the best they had ever had.
"I'm taking that to mean 'no issues with the water'?" Hazō asked, amused.
"Nope. Feels glorious. Ahhhh..." She sank back in, floating on her back while making tiny little paddling motions with her fingertips that slowly turned her and pushed her away from the shore.
Tenten and Kei were already sliding into the warm embrace of the pool. Kei, Hazō noticed, was wearing the same figure-hugging navy swimsuit from so long ago, except now she felt no need to wrap her arms nervously around herself as she entered the water.
"The water is indeed quite pleasant," Kei said, her face relaxing as she floated in the heat. She sounded surprised. "Hazō, Noburi, you should join us."
"I'm going to check on Yuno again," Noburi said, glancing behind himself to where Yuno slept. "I'll be along later."
"I'll go with you," Hazō said, falling in next to his brother. "I wanted to ask you about something."
"Shoot."
"Could you teach me some of the basics of medical ninjutsu? Specifically about chakra systems. I think I may need to know it for some of the runes I want to make."
Noburi digested that. "Hang on."
He knelt at Yuno's bedroll. His wife's injuries were almost entirely internal; there was a bruise on her upper arm, a scrape on her knee, and her beautiful face had faint lines of pain even in her sleep, but otherwise all of the damage was unavailable to the eye.
The extensive damage.
"How is she?"
"A little better," Noburi said quietly. "I gave her a sleep draught before I worked on her. It kept her out most of the night, but I'm not sure how much actual rest she got. She was moving around and muttering all night, probably with bad dreams." He carefully brushed an errant strand of hair away from the sleeping woman's nose, checked that the blankets were properly arranged, and stood up.
He waited until he and Hazō were a short distance away, far enough that quiet voices were unlikely to disturb Yuno, then settled down. Hazō sank down next to him, sitting cross-legged on the hard stone.
"You want to become a medic?" Noburi asked.
Hazō shook his head, paused, and then wobbled a hand back and forth. "Maybe? I at least want to learn enough about chakra systems to figure out exactly what the pool is doing, and how I can reproduce it with a rune."
Noburi pondered that.
"Something wrong?" Hazō asked.
"My brain is telling my heart to shut up and my heart doesn't like it," Noburi said. "I'll be honest, Hazō...intellectually, having another medic on the team would be a great idea and anything that contributes to your rune research is a positive thing."
"But...?"
"But medic has always been my thing. You already fight well, and you're a summoner, and a sealmaster, and a runemaster. If you become a medic too then...what am I? Am I just the barrel boy again?" He held up a hand to cut Hazō off. "I know, it's stupid. Intellectually, I know that I'm more than that to you and the rest of the team. I know that even if you become a medic, I will still be able to make a contribution. Still..." He gestured towards where a group of Hazō's Shadow Clones sat scribing seals and reading various research materials.
"You and the rest of the team, the ones who got Shadow Clone, you learn so fast because you have so many copies of yourself to learn in parallel. I feel like I'm running as fast as I can and you're still shooting past me, leaving me in the dust. If you start learning medicine, you'll pass me by in this too. Then what?"
"Noburi..." He trailed off, thinking carefully. "Thank you for telling me that. I'm grateful that you shared it with me instead of keeping it bottled up until it became a problem. It must have been difficult to say."
Noburi snorted. "Hazō, how many times have we had some variation on this conversation? You took the lead role in the team and I learned to accept that. We went where you said and did what you wanted. We became a clan and I was okay following Jiraiya because he's Jiraiya...and then he died and you became Clan Lord. I've gotten used to being the second, maybe third fiddle on this team, but I've always felt like I had something unique to contribute." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "That said, it doesn't matter. Teaching you this is the right move so I'll do it. I want something from you, though."
Hazō eyed him carefully. "What's that?"
"I want you to teach me Shadow Clone."
Author's Note:
@Paperclipped is going to be irked with me for not using the combat stuff he put together, and @Velorien is likely to have some choice words about me coming up with tactics instead of letting the players figure it out. Sorry, guys; I had trouble focusing enough to write and by the time it started coming together it was too late to start a fight scene. Plus, whenever I tried to run a simulationist model of the situation, it kept coming up with 'no fight'—either because the team would stay true to the Kagome-style Universal Problem-Solving Technique school of thought, or because they would simply run through any ambush instead of staying to fight. They were trying to evac, not clear the area, and given the tools available I didn't see much chance of a meaningful fight under those conditions.
The one thing I wasn't sure of was whether or not the roof could endure this treatment. I was dubious about it but felt that, given my ignorance, I could justify either outcome. This solution was funnier and easier to write so I let it tip the scales this direction, although Hazō needed to reinforce the tunnel at one point with a quick MEW. Please do not take this as assurance that every part of the cave system can endure this treatment, or that Hazō will always be quick enough to avert being crushed under hectotons (kilotons? haven't done the math) of rock.
XP AWARD: 3
Brevity XP: 1
"GM had fun" XP: 1
- I thought the running and blowing shit up scene was funny
It is now the day after Yuno was injured, about 4pm. Mild Consequences have cleared. The plan called for Noburi/Kei/Hazō/Tenten to continue clearing the tunnels but I am stopping before that point for obvious reasons. (i.e. there should definitely be some rolls involved)
Vote time! What to do now?
Voting ends on Wednesday, .
- Location
- Book Fort
- Pronouns
- They/Them
A lovely update, and I'm more than fine with the results. ^.^
Pretty sure we've checked with Noburi about this before (learning medicals, his insecurities), but the previous answer was mostly the same, iirc ("little insecure, but I'm a grown man and better than my fears").
I would want some reassurance from Noburi that he won't blow up his chakra system via Shadow Clone. He just spent, what, 3+ months studying his own bloodline with Tsunade? Between that and his Stupid High Medicals, he should be able to give us an educated guess, at least.
Pretty sure we've checked with Noburi about this before (learning medicals, his insecurities), but the previous answer was mostly the same, iirc ("little insecure, but I'm a grown man and better than my fears").
I would want some reassurance from Noburi that he won't blow up his chakra system via Shadow Clone. He just spent, what, 3+ months studying his own bloodline with Tsunade? Between that and his Stupid High Medicals, he should be able to give us an educated guess, at least.
@eaglejarl @Velorien @Paperclipped
A couple questions about this chapter
1) Did we make it in time for Noburi's immediate treatment of Yuno to work fully? Do we get to see rolls for that?
2) What's the mechanical effects of the water in terms of cost reduction?
3) Did Noburi have any insights into the function of the pool while people were making SCs to test it on and using it themselves? Plan calls for him to observe it with his bloodline and seals.
4) Can we be assumed to be full on chakra again?
A couple questions about this chapter
1) Did we make it in time for Noburi's immediate treatment of Yuno to work fully? Do we get to see rolls for that?
2) What's the mechanical effects of the water in terms of cost reduction?
3) Did Noburi have any insights into the function of the pool while people were making SCs to test it on and using it themselves? Plan calls for him to observe it with his bloodline and seals.
4) Can we be assumed to be full on chakra again?
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Noburiiiii
You've dumped 1800 XP into MedKnow, time to finally do research!
- Location
- United States
Perhaps I shouldn't be reading this in public…
EDIT: @eaglejarl may we see the results of Yuno's immediate care roll? It's Noburi's Big Damn Hero moment!
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- Location
- Seattle
If Noburi "Best Bro" "MedKnow 60" "Tsunade Research Apprenticeship" Wakahisa wants to learn Shadow Clone, I can't imagine not giving it to him immediately tbh.
Yuno is also studying medicine btw EJ.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
NOBURI: I feel like you guys are shooting past me...
HAZOU: bruh you're stronger than both me and Kei without even having shadow clone and while still being a jonin level medic, stop being so self conscious and start being full of yourself instead, like me!
NOBURI: ...thanks?
HAZOU: bruh you're stronger than both me and Kei without even having shadow clone and while still being a jonin level medic, stop being so self conscious and start being full of yourself instead, like me!
NOBURI: ...thanks?
- Pronouns
- He/Him
In fairness she's doing it explicitly because Noburi is a medic, unlike Hazou, but yea
Should we just quote this verbatim at him next chapter...
@Paperclipped
Is it clear to the team what the range of the chakravore's voring abilities are? Has anyone ever been targeted outside of Range:0?
I want to suggest that Tenten retreat to max range via Supp move if we get jumped by the 'vores. She can still snipe them down but then she can't be targeted.
Is it clear to the team what the range of the chakravore's voring abilities are? Has anyone ever been targeted outside of Range:0?
I want to suggest that Tenten retreat to max range via Supp move if we get jumped by the 'vores. She can still snipe them down but then she can't be targeted.
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
I think:
- If he can safely learn it then sure fine.
- He needs to answer that question somehow. If the answer is too uncertain, well, its not Hazou he needs to convince, its the whole team. At the end of the day, if there's any risk, we're fine with siding with what he wants to do.
- If its at all risky then Yuno would absolutely murder us if anything happened to you and we didn't run this by the team, no way around that lol.
- He needs to answer that question somehow. If the answer is too uncertain, well, its not Hazou he needs to convince, its the whole team. At the end of the day, if there's any risk, we're fine with siding with what he wants to do.
- Point out that he's actually stronger than Hazou or Kei at the moment.
- Hazou is the research spec.
- We already have the ability to twist space and time into a pretzel. Noburi might not know that we can literally make more time per time for him to learn and grow and train with. Let him know that lol.
- Also after the latest apocalypse settles down... we're absolutely fine with devoting massive piles of research time into stuff that he wants specifically? Either on the TH side, or on the Seals/Runes side of things.
- Basically when we're done with this nightmare of a mission, he can have top billing on Hazou's spare research time. The N-fold Hazou research squad only exists because of his help after all lol.