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Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

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faflec said:
Would this be an appropriate change? It gives us the option to be involved, but doesn't commit ourselves to it.

Edit: Removed the non-critical contentions, as per Discord suggestions.
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That would be better, yeah.

Additional offers should include providing the (dual-clan?) children with secret Goketsu techniques (read: Pangolin techniques), seals, and fighting styles (read: Macerators).
 
eaglejarl said:
Either the clan meeting or the renegotiation for one slot, sorry.


For the sake of my poor brain, please put the treaty issues into a separate post and use complete sentences. Something like this:

[] Action Plan: Representation
  • Afternoon: Clan meeting on the Uchiha & Hagoromo deals.
    • Uchiha details are in [link to post]
    • Hagoromo details are in [link to post]
  • Evening: Dinner with Snake, Team Nakano, and Yudai.
    • ...stuff as shown above in faflec's post...

Then, in a separate post:

Changes to the Uchiha deal
Hard limits, we get these exactly as written or the deal is off:
...a paragraph or two of stuff...

Things we want but don't insist on and we're okay if we don't get any of them:
...a paragraph or two of stuff...

Things we're willing to give in exchange for the changes we want:
...a paragraph or two of stuff...


Ditto for the Hagoromo deal.

Please keep it short, simple, and crystal clear; I'm letting you have a substantial amount of verbiage that doesn't count against your word limits, but don't go crazy with it. Likewise, it's on you to make sure that I clearly understand what you're asking for. If I misunderstand what you want or which things are in which category of importance and you end up with a deal that isn't what you wanted...well, sucks to be you. No bitching allowed.
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On which note, would you mind reviewing my deal, and checking out whether you'd like me to put it in a seperate post?
huhYeahGoodPoint said:
[X] Action Plan: Head to Head
Word count: 194
  • Afternoon:
    • Renegotiate the contract.
      • Take Mari off the Uchiha renegotiation for now.
      • Go to Sasuke with the contract.
      • Renegotiate, Clan Head to Clan Head.
    • Key contentions:
      • Goketsu will have a role in raising their children.
        • Reasoning: Hazou will not condone any deal otherwise.
        • Possibilities:
          • Visitation rights
          • Dual-clan rearing
          • Goketsu virtually? raising Uchiha
            • Iron Nerve births especially - special conditions that Hazou can handle that Uchiha would likely not know about.
      • Adoptee birthrate reduced.
        • Reasoning: Too unsafe for adoptees.
        • Possibilities:
          • More adoptees
          • Reduced waiting period
          • Slightly longer time horizons.
    • Offers
      • Deal is contingent on Hiashi not winning the hat - abstension not necessary if Hiashi would lose.
      • Reduction in income net
      • Reduction in marker take
      • Reinterpretation and definition of "preferential trading partner"
    • Wants
      • Jutsu trades
      • Formal ability to request Sharingan ninja for projects?
    • If successful, sign agreement.
    • Best alternative to no agreement: Walk away.
      • Uchiha are not absolutely necessary to win.
  • Evening
    • Respect Snake and Nakano's efforts to be presentable.
    • Discuss the recent Sealing failure.
      • Are their families and friends alright?
      • If not, anything we can do for them?
    • Discuss retainership concept: not formal adoption, formalized contractors-with-benefits.
      • Possible benefits:
        • Sealing knowledge
        • Custom seal requests
        • Medic-nin assistance
        • etc.
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huhYeahGoodPoint said:
On which note, would you mind reviewing my deal, and checking out whether you'd like me to put it in a seperate post?
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You DEFINITELY need to move that into another post and use full sentences, because I am having trouble parsing it at all.

Also, your afternoon slot at the top is overloaded. Each of the things is fine, but that's way more than will fit. No changes needed as long as you're cool with the fact that not all of it will happen. I'll probably focus on the civilians because that's a lot easier and more fun than writing Tsunade and political stuff. If you need Tsunade and politics to happen then it needs to be the only thing in the scene.
 
Shadowwarp said:
That's fine and all but nobody is asking the real questions here.

What would the bowling team's name be?

Personally I'm thinking the "Fireballs"
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The Leafy Lot.

Kersplosion Crew

The Deletion Department

The Naraka Rollers (TM) 1​

Bowlderdash

Bowl So Hard That Zabuza's Gonna Find Me


1. Totally original Hazou thought-up name. We should trademark it.
 
Plan writer people, is there any chance you could indulge my paranoia by making sure that we go around as a big group up until the election? I'm still on the 'shikamaru as littlefinger' train and I worry that it would be easy for our enemies to just kill one of us without leaving any real evidence if we split up for stuff like Kagome going off to teach, Inoue to seduce, Noburi to strike out with girls. I feel like losing out on the multi tasking productivity for a week is a small price to pay to not give the enemy any chance to murder us.
 
Keiko: My sister is subverting her minders and other ninja in this village.
Shikamaru: Yeah, whatever.
Tsunade: Keiko's sister doesn't give me a reason to punch her. So I won't punch her.
Hiashi: Have you all GONE MAD? THERE'S A FOREIGN NINJA SUBVERTING LEAF NINJA! SUBVERTING!
 
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MadScientist said:
This is Hazou/Sasuke/Naruto as a bowling team, right?

How about "Who's Sakura?"?
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Hazo: who?

Sakura: actually that's my-

Sasuke: No idea

Naruto as he laughs in the background: What if we called our team Team 7!

Sakura: I hate you, I hate you both

Hazo: Oh hello Haruno, shot in the dark here but do you know who Sakura is?

Sakura: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
 
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The Uchiha Renegotiation, as per Action Plan Head to Head

Goketsu Must-Haves

Goketsu will have a role in raising their blood children. Possible methods to accomplish this include visitation rights for the Goketsu father, dual-clan membership, or the Goketsu raising their blood children, legally understood to be Uchiha.

Adopted civilian women's birthrate will be reduced to safe levels, closer to a year between pregnancies or higher if possible. Current expected birthrate will result in severely deficient infants and significantly higher risk to women. Possible solutions include adopting more women or adopting a longer time horizon for these children to be ready.

Goketsu's (Possible) Concessions

Remove Hokage vote abstension requirement, given that Hiashi loses the vote for Hokage. (i.e. we won't require you to abstain, but the deals' only on if Hiashi loses)
Reduction in net income take (i.e. we won't take 5% of your net income, we'll take 3%)
Reduction in marker take (i.e. we won't ask for 5 upfront, we can deal with less)
Reinterpretation/favorable definition of "preferential trading partner" (i.e. preferential trading partner means no tariffs between us, moneylender on given terms, but no right of first refusal, to be more generous)
Increased civilian adoptions (i.e. we'll adopt more than eleven women but keep the amount of expected children the same)

Goketsu's Possible Further Demands

We want more jutsus.
We want more seals.

Goketsu's Best Alternative to No Agreement

Walk away without signing either contract.

@eaglejarl, is this an improvement?
 
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huhYeahGoodPoint said:
The Uchiha Renegotiation, as per Action Plan Head to Head

Goketsu Requirements
  1. Goketsu will have a role in raising their blood children.
    1. Hazou won't agree to any deal otherwise.
  2. Adopted civilian women's birthrate will be reduced to safe levels.
Goketsu's (Possible) Concessions
  1. Remove necessity to abstain, so long as Hiashi loses
  2. Reduction in net income take
  3. Reduction in marker take
  4. Reinterpretation/favorable definition of "preferential trading partner"
  5. Increased civilian adoptions
Goketsu's Possible Further Demands
  1. Jutsus
  2. Seals
Goketsu's Best Alternative to No Agreement

Walk away without signing either contract.

Possible Non-Exclusively Acceptable Solutions to...:
  1. Rearing children:
    1. Visitation rights for the Goketsu father to visit the children.
    2. Raising the children as dual-clan ninjas.
    3. Goketsu raising the legally-Uchiha children.
      • Iron Nerve births especially - IN bhildren have special conditions that Hazou can handle. The Uchiha would likely not know about.
  2. Reducing adoptee birth rates:
    1. Adopting more women
    2. [EXPUNGED BECAUSE INFEASIBLE]
    3. Slightly longer time horizons for the women to have five children over.

@eaglejarl, is this an improvement?
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Not really. The point was to use sentences instead of bullet points; I don't know what "safe levels" are, I have no idea what "remove necessity to abstain" means, and a bunch of the others are confusing as well.
 
Wait, this setting has cannons? They know about gunpowder?



faflec said:
It'd be kinda awkward if Snake was a clan-nin and we pitched the retainership deal to her.
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In before Snake turns out to be Akane.

No, wait, she mentioned having a lightning bullet technique. She must be Minami.



Shadowwarp said:
That's fine and all but nobody is asking the real questions here.

What would the bowling team's name be?

Personally I'm thinking the "Fireballs"
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"Pins and Needles"?
 
We think a child per year for five year is dangerous. Really, we should consult a med-nin after and before each birth and add a mental component to it.

We could propose setting aside a fund to be held in escrow for medical expense and to hire med-nin.
 
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huhYeahGoodPoint said:
The Uchiha Renegotiation, as per Action Plan Head to Head

Goketsu Requirements

Goketsu will have a role in raising their blood children. Possible methods to accomplish this include visitation rights for the Goketsu father, dual-clan membership, or the Goketsu raising their blood children, legally understood to be Uchiha.

Adopted civilian women's birthrate will be reduced to safe levels, closer to a year between pregnancies or higher if possible. Current expected birthrate will result in severely deficient infants and significantly higher risk to women. Possible solutions include adopting more women or adopting a longer time horizon for these children to be ready.

Goketsu's (Possible) Concessions

Remove Hokage vote abstension requirement, given that Hiashi loses the vote for Hokage. (i.e. we won't require you to abstain, but the deals' only on if Hiashi loses)
Reduction in net income take (i.e. we won't take 5% of your net income, we'll take 3%)
Reduction in marker take (i.e. we won't ask for 5 upfront, we can deal with less)
Reinterpretation/favorable definition of "preferential trading partner" (i.e. preferential trading partner means no tariffs between us, moneylender on given terms, but no right of first refusal, to be more generous)
Increased civilian adoptions (i.e. we'll adopt more than eleven women but keep the amount of expected children the same)

Goketsu's Possible Further Demands

We want more jutsus.
We want more seals.

Goketsu's Best Alternative to No Agreement

Walk away without signing either contract.

@eaglejarl, is this an improvement?
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eaglejarl said:
Not really. The point was to use sentences instead of bullet points; I don't know what "safe levels" are, I have no idea what "remove necessity to abstain" means, and a bunch of the others are confusing as well.
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Alright, so I've rewritten the negotiation layout; can you tell me whether this is an improvement, and even if so, where I can continue to improve?
 
They are gonna be like "Hazou, why do you think you know better than us about what amount of pregnancies are dangerous? We've forced civilians to breed lots of times, and you never have."
 
Kiba said:
We think a child per year for five year is dangerous. Really, we should consult a med-nin after and before each birth and add a mental component to it.

We could propose setting aside a fund to be held in escrow for medical expense and to hire med-nin.
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Walter said:
They are gonna be like "Hazou, why do you think you know better than us about what amount of pregnancies are dangerous? We've forced civilians to breed lots of times, and you never have."
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You know, this is a really good point. Have we asked Noburi if this is dangerous yet?
 
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