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Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

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MrRobot said:
Wirlpool, kek.
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So, Whirlpool is going to suddenly attack literally the only major power which didn't gang up to attack them in an unprovoked war of annihilation and actually sent its legendary heroes to help them defend themselves... for protecting itself against an unprovoked war of aggression? Bringing them into direct conflict with the last survivor of their signature clan because his mother emigrated as a refugee during the conflict where Leaf was their only ally?
 
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Lailoken said:
So, Whirlpool is going to suddenly attack literally the only major power which didn't gang up to attack them in an unprovoked war of annihilation and actually sent its legendary heroes to help them defend themselves... for protecting itself against an unprovoked war of aggression? Bringing them into direct conflict with the last survivor of their signature clan because his mother emigrated as a refugee during the conflict where Leaf was their only ally?
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You having way to much fun with it dont you?

Ok so how about why not madara?
 
Lailoken said:
So, Whirlpool is going to suddenly attack literally the only major power which didn't gang up to attack them in an unprovoked war of annihilation and actually sent its legendary heroes to help them defend themselves... for protecting itself against an unprovoked war of aggression? Bringing them into direct conflict with the last survivor of their signature clan because his mother emigrated as a refugee during the conflict where Leaf was their only ally?
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If they are the watchers.

Probably, we did start doing dangerous esoteric sealing research. And Oro is also doing his thing.

Two Birds with one Rock!
 
Oh, there's also the whole, "carnivorous alien monstrosities from beyond time and space are trying to get free to eat the everything and we need to rapidly dig a giant tunnel to stop them", which is independently confirmable by any party with a summoning scroll. Might be handy to have a few captured Rock-nin willing to work for time off their sentences.
 
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Lailoken said:
Oh, there's also the whole, "carnivorous alien monstrosities from beyond time and space are trying to get free to eat the everything and we need to rapidly dig a giant tunnel to stop them", which is independently confirmable by party with a summoning scroll. Might be handy to have a few captured Rock-nin willing to work for time off their sentences.
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That's true, it would be nice if we could interrogate some Rock nin on the location of the Arachnid Scroll/the purpose of that Fort on the island
 
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Shrooms said:
That's true, it would be nice if we could interrogate some Rock nin on the location of the Arachnid Scroll/the purpose of that Fort on the island
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Screw it. Rock is bound to have the vast majority of its combat force on the front lines. Swing down from the North, nuke the site into boiling glass, swoop down and grab the scroll, break for lunch.

Then find the captured Rock-nin with the greatest earthmoving ability and force them to sign it. They instantly get transported to the site where a fanatically motivated twenty ton spider expects them to work day and night and is perfectly happy to keep an eye and an eye and an eye and an eye and an eye and an eye and an eye and an eye on them and make them watch their organs externally liquify into soup if they get out of line. After the job is done the scroll reverts to the Gouketsu.

As long as the scroll is actually there the worst case scenario is that it won't accept a new summoner unless the old one is dead, in which case, "whoopsie! The giant spider had a cultural misunderstanding while feeling a bit peckish. Such a shame. We assure you that she is very embarrassed."
 
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Cariyaga said:
I'm still pretty certain this is a false flag attack by Cloud.
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It sounds pretty plausible that it's just Rock, to me. They thought they could win a bunch of fertile farmland with the Collapse, but then we started doing bioterrorism on them and generally making it impossible to extract value from it. It's perfectly reasonable, imo, for Rock to finally decide that this isn't working and they need to punch Leaf in the face if they want us to let them actually have their winnings.

Of course, that could just make it a really good false flag, but you could say that no matter what evidence stacks up.
 
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Chapter 456: Allies of Inconvenience
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    • It was lucky that both Hazō and Kei had independently had the idea of bringing their summoning scrolls to the Hokage's briefing in case they needed to communicate urgently with their summons, and equally lucky that they were among the first to arrive, and therefore could pause outside the Hokage's office for a brief jaunt to a distant, alien world while waiting for the other clan heads.

    "So, Hazō," Kei began, "what new idea of yours requires total privacy and cannot wait until after the briefing when we will know the full scope of our latest cataclysm?"

    "Kei," Hazō said," I have a thought I wanted to run by you."

    "Does it involve the ruthless and absolute destruction of Hidden Rock with every ill-considered superweapon at your disposal the very instant the Hokage gives us permission?" Kei asked with the expectant air of a hungry Fifi noticing a fresh kill in his hands (or, rather, in Kagome-sensei's hands—he liked to spoil her, and sometimes there were "treats" left over after an afternoon of weapons testing in the woods).

    "Only indirectly," Hazō reluctantly admitted. "I've been thinking about Naruto, and how there would be a perfect synergy between his powers and certain Pangolin ninjutsu. It's entirely your decision, and obviously it would be conditional on him being able to keep it secret—which you'd also be able to judge better than me, since presumably you entrust him with KEI secrets every day—but it could be a big boost to Leaf's combat potential, and also to him not hating the Gōketsu quite as much."

    "He does not hate the Gōketsu," Kei objected. "He hates you, and considers you a borderline threat to village security, which of necessity limits his trust in those compelled to carry out your orders. On a personal level, he treats me with unmerited affection, possesses a cordial relationship with Akane as a former classmate, and, I believe, recognises a kindred spirit in Noburi.

    "Regardless, it is not as if the thought had not occurred to me as well. Even before the nigh-unstoppable village legend, there are loved ones of mine who would benefit vastly from protection from the vicissitudes of melee combat. Unfortunately, matters are not so simple."

    "What's the obstacle?" Hazō asked.

    "Hazō, the Pangolins feel we have betrayed them," Kei said heavily. "In a number of ways and on a number of levels."

    "You mean because of the skytowers?"

    "Those as well. But to begin with, as far as they are concerned, the very foundations of our deal were laid in bad faith. You must recall, Hazō, when we first negotiated with the Pangolins, their understanding of shinobi modernity was fragmented at best. They still lived in Ui's times, when the notion of a clanless population would have been alien and horrifying."

    "I'm not sure what you're getting at," Hazō said.

    "The notion of a shinobi academy that would teach any child with the qualifications is a modern one," Kei said. "Surely you remember that much from our lessons."

    Hazō nodded with a bitter smile. "Old Lizardbreath never let an assembly go by without reminding us how lucky we poor clanless kids were to live in a magnanimous village that didn't just throw us out like the trash we were."

    "I understand his death was quite excruciating," Kei said with a much brighter one. "It also involved express use of Yagura's old repressive apparatus, since dramatic punishment was necessary for Mist to save face, but the letter of the law was, at that time, not sufficient—unless the man were to be proved a foreign saboteur. Ami was most grateful to us for reminding the soon-to-be-born AMI that the new Mizukage was willing to use the previous tyrant's tools.

    "My point, however, is that in Ui's time, becoming a shinobi required either being born the child of clan shinobi or being born to civilians in a ninja village and adopted into a clan the instant your chakra reserves were recognised. There was no other source of training. As a general rule, clanless shinobi were those who had received clan training and then abandoned the clan—the original missing-nin, if you will—or their descendants whom they had personally trained. This, incidentally, explains much of the ingrained attitudes that have rendered the KEI necessary.

    "Under such circumstances, the notion of a clanless recruitment pool would have been bewildering at best. If clanless ninja were ever to gather in numbers, they would either fail to trust each other and separate again, perhaps violently, or they would establish a cooperative relationship and ultimately found a clan of their own, precisely as we did. This is how the Pangolins understood our group, and likely why Pandā was so swift to pair us off—on the assumption that we intended to develop our clan through… procreation and occasional exogamy. Under such a model, clan growth takes place over generations, as it does for summons themselves.

    "Consider, now, their feelings when they came to understand that we would be sharing our new ninjutsu not with our sons and daughters and perhaps the occasional ally marrying into the clan, but with multiple strangers every year, the number and selection determined by a process arcane to them.

    "They are aware they have no formal grounds for complaint. We are acting within the terms of the contract, and contracts are sacred. However, their ninjutsu are permanently out of their control now, and spreading rapidly in ways over which they have no influence. In exchange for this permanent and growing loss, what they received was a temporary benefit—which we then unilaterally terminated in a way that left them in dire straits indeed. Any observer unable to understand the condoritarian motivations behind our actions would surely conclude that we ruthlessly exploited the Pangolins by taking advantage of their ignorance of clan structures in the village era, then abandoned them as soon as we no longer needed the resources they provided. That is, assuming we were not planning to ruin them all along on behalf of some other Seventh Path entity."

    "None of this stopped them from sharing the Pangolin Conditioning Technique with those two jōnin," Hazō observed.

    "A sound choice," Kei said, "given that as support specialists, they were the most fragile members of our group save myself. Considering how close our victory was, it is a certainty that we would have lost without them. On the other hand, the Pangolins did not provide the technique to Ami, who possessed the dubious protection of fighting from range, or Naruto, who fought using clones, even though this, too, would have improved our odds.

    "The Pangolins are not best pleased with their allies, Hazō. Certainly, they lack alternatives, and Pangolin military honour prohibits them from betraying me so that a more cooperative prospective summoner may take the scroll from my corpse—or so I hope. However, even our greatest victory has left them with a bitter aftertaste. The blow to the Condor Clan was very real, in terms of symbolism, metaphysical trauma, and strategic advantage. Yet in exchange, the Pangolins have gained Leaf as an ally of inconvenience. Even now the village seeks leverage on the Seventh Path with which to demand the Condors' freedom for its own benefit. With our arsenal of summoners, eventually we will find it.

    "In conclusion, then, no. I believe that requesting a new ninjutsu trade, especially when the beneficiary is not under our authority or theirs in any way, will only further their perception of us as exploitative. Nor can I countenance the option of teaching Naruto without permission, in defiance of our contract. Naruto is known to some if not all of Leaf's summon allies via their summoners. It is inevitable that word of any signature ninjutsu he uses would eventually find its way back to the Seventh Path. In that event, I would certainly be rejected as summoner—a process easily, and I expect, usually made lethal by having the boss cancel summoners' unsummoning privileges before informing them. Furthermore, should it become known that the Hokage, the boss of Leaf's summoners, permitted this violation of contract, Leaf's summon allies could defect en masse."

    Kei paused, looking out towards the horizon silently as if buying time for something.

    "I appreciate the fashion in which you brought this to me, Hazō," she said eventually. "I regret that I do not have a better response to offer you. And… there is one more matter. You recall the existence of the Tama Clan, Rock's optimisation specialists?"

    Hazō nodded.

    "At least one must survive. Ideally more, for the sake of a safety margin. Please bear this in mind when preparing your plan to annihilate Hidden Rock as you can, must, and will."

    Hazō winced. "That's a lot harder than just erasing the entire village from existence."

    "There are options available to us. We can discuss the matter in more depth once you have a shortlist of localised apocalypses. For now, please trust that it is necessary. The Hokage will be aware of this as well, as indeed will the Tama."

    New challenge: win an all-out war against a numerically superior enemy. Without revealing power on a scale that would get Leaf Whirlpooled. While sparing a handful of specific individuals he had no way of identifying from range. And, of course, while still crippled and in a state of constant mental fog.

    It was almost as if the universe was starting to take Gōketsu Hazō seriously.

    -o-​

    This is a relatively brief scene, so XP will be awarded by @eaglejarl in his update.

    -o-​

    This is more infodump than update, but I am in poor condition as a result of my body clock rebelling at my attempt to fix it. Please look at my shortcomings through a big sieve, as the Japanese idiom goes.

    -o-​

    What do you do?

    Voting closes on Saturday 14th of August, 1 p.m. New York time.
     
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    • Velorien said:
    "I appreciate the fashion in which you brought this to me, Hazō," she said eventually. "I regret that I do not have a better response to offer you. And… there is one more matter. You recall the existence of the Tama Clan, Rock's optimisation specialists?"

    Hazō nodded.

    "At least one must survive. Ideally more, for the sake of a safety margin. Please bear this in mind when preparing your plan to annihilate Hidden Rock as you can, must, and will."

    Hazō winced. "That's a lot harder than just erasing the entire village from existence."
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    So just ambush and kidnap some of the Tama that will inevitably be sent onto the frontlines.

    Related: jashindamnittheyreallyaresealedhorrors
     
    might as well repost plan from last time, with this update's content cut

    [X] Let's Win This Shit
    Word Count: 265
    1. Meeting: keep quiet unless adding military value. Ideas:
      1. Summoning
        1. Returning from 7P allows instant undetectable ambushes.
        2. New summoners are targets without offensive capabilities of older Summoners. Alternatives:
          1. 7P Envoys allow instant communication, serve as logistics.
          2. Tower can fund emergency contracts?
          3. Subvert the weakness: Summoners as bait?
      2. Gōketsu
        1. (Only if prompted) Mari's an excellent support ninja. She knows where she's most effective.
          1. (Internally: TLitF lockdown + Shadow Clone = crowd destroyer)
        2. Noburi can refill Summoners with envoys in Toad.
          1. Could treat hospital patients and siphon chakra to Summoners.
          2. Could drain captured Rock ninja, but needs dedicated guards.
            1. Contract a Jōnin Toad with emergency funds?
            2. Alternatively, could wait on 7P to reverse summon to frontline squads.
        3. Kagome's a cryptographer. Hazō's best as logistics, unless he could be healed quicker...?
          1. Both can make skywalkers.
        4. Injured ninja can be messengers/scouts.
        5. Otherwise… Gōketsu could be frontliners...
      3. General
        1. Does Rock have skywalkers? Allies?
          1. Why are they bold and not covert? Something's weird.
        2. (Privately to Kei) Are the Tama loyal to Rock first and foremost, or to whatever mission unifies the Five Clans?
        3. (Privately to Asuma) Gōketsu specials:
          1. Coordinated attack with skytowers?
            1. Thousands (or 100x with Noburi) of pounds of stone.
            2. Timed explosives + any storage seal payload (molten lead + water?)
            3. Heavier-than-air toxic gas, or flammable gas to explode the caverns.
          2. Chakdar to watch our air and ground?
            1. 5SB nets protect from kinetic bombardment, not firebombing.
          3. Dam rivers with MEW to direct water away from Earth settlements. Hazō dislikes this idea:
            1. Hurts civilians more than ninja, but could pull ninja attention away from front lines: then civilians survive but Rock manpower decreases.
     
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    Velorien said:
    "Hazō, the Pangolins feel we have betrayed them," Kei said heavily. "In a number of ways and on a number of levels."
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    Oh no
    Velorien said:
    "I understand his death was quite excruciating,"
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    Wonder what crime he did
    Velorien said:
    what they received was a temporary benefit
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    Ungrateful pangolins
    Velorien said:
    which we then unilaterally terminated in a way that left them in dire straits indeed
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    Interesting. Perhaps condor pushback Or pangolin neighbors

    Edit: feels like pangolins really tried to give us the short end of the deal with the sky tower trade if they expected our clan to grow slowly
     
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